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2 l)c tmc0, New Bloomfteft, 3cu The Doctor's Secret: on THE TWO Al'OTJIECAKIES. SOME years ago there lived in a coun try town ncur Canterbury, a private gentleman named Turner, lie had an only son, who, having attained the age of fifteen, was very desirous of qualifying himself to follow the profession of an apothecary and surgeon. Accordingly his father had him bound to am emi nent surgeon of tho same place, whose name was Stevens. The young man was so attentive to his busiue.ss. that, before he was out of his time, he was universal ly allowed to bo as great a proficient in medicine as his master. His apprenticeship Icing corcludid, tho friends and acquaintances of young Mr. Turner came to make merry and upend the evening with him, as was at that time customary; and among the rest, his father, who, entering into con versation with Mr. Stevens, relative to his son s capacity ami inclinations lor his profession, at last thus addressed him : "Sir, I should grieve to find anything left undone that might prevent or lessen his qualification to his art." The apothecary said : " Sir, 1 believe him to bo as capable in ib as .myself, barring that he cannot have had so much experience, I have neglect ed no part of bis instruction, and have communicated all 1 know except a single point which is a secret I discovered my self, and having experienced its truth and value, I am not willing to impart it to any one, without an adequate compensa tion." Mr. Turner was unwilling that his son should be deficient in any point which might bo wanting to complete him for the profession, and therefore demanded the price of his secret. " Sir," answered Mr. Stevens, " if your son makes a proper use of it, it may bring iu thousands. 1 look upon it as infallible, and to a man of prudence, and in great practice, it may be invaluable; but as your son has served his time with me, and has behaved well, and attended dili gently to his business, I will make him master of this useful and excellent nos trum for thirty guineas." After a little consideration, and deba ting matters with his son, .Mr. Stevens agreed to make it twenty guineas, which .were paid immediately, and he gave in return a slip of paper, on which seven words were written, being the recipe of his great and precious nostrum. Tho old gentleman after reading the recipe, burst into a violent passion, say ing he had been defrauded, and had part ed with his money without an equivalent, and that he would appeal to the laws for redress. The surgeon, being in posses sion of tho money, remained quiet, and permitted him to vent his rage at leisure; when this had somewhat subsided, lie aaid calmly, to Mr. Turner: "Why, sir, although you now make so slight of this secret, because you know it, yet, insignificant as it may appear to you, it lias put many hundred pounds into my pocket, and if your son will always bear it in mind, and make proper use ot it, hi; may turn it to as good an account as 1 have done." Still this did not satisfy Mr. Turner At length, his son interposed, aud said to his lather : ' Do not, sir, make yourself uneasy about the purchase of this seeming trifle; my master has treated me honorably and kindly during tho whole ot my appren ticeship, and I have no reason to suppose ho wishes to impose on cilher ot us.-r You do not understand our business tbero are secrets in all trades; and I have no doubt but I shall, as Mr. Stevens nays, profit greatly by this valuablo area' uum, so that I beg you will be contented, and leave tho rest to me. I shall take oare that tho nioueyshull not bo thrown way. By this interposition of the son, Ids fat bur became ut last easy, and when the company broke up took him home. A lew days after, ho wanted his son to get up business for himself immediately, in opposition to his old muster, whom he still considered as having cheated him The young gentleman, however, had roinu to iravei, ma endeavored to con vince his father how necesary it was to go to Pure for further experience in tho practice of surgery ,and that, iu that city, urgcons had the opportunities of perfec ting themselves in their protession. At lengtii the the old gentleman, however, reluctantly gave his consent, and his son Set out tor runs. After his arrival there he attended the hospitals during a year, and then contin ued his travels through Italy and Ger many. After having thus employed sev en or eight years, and being greatly im proved in his person, learning aud pro fessional skill, in both physic and surgery, he returned to England, with the it solu tion to travel all over it iu the character of a mountebank doctor, which profes sion at that timo was in great esteem, both in Italy and in Germany. This ho accordingly began to do with great success and applause, aud having completed his tour in about a year, be at last contrived to arrive at tiie little town where he had served his tin. e. His long absence made such an alteration in his person and features, that be Was under no apprehensions of being known ; to lb it assuming the namcoi Baron do ilctourg nac, and announcing himself as a lamuus foreign physician, on his travels through out Europe, ha advertised that ho pro posed remaining some time in Canterbury and its vicinity. Aeeoruingly he began by making a figure with his carriage ana his servants, mid iu a short ti.i.e acquired great reputation as well as emolument li'om a number oi cures widen no per formed. It so happened that wh'.l.-.t he was mounted on his stage, in this town, at tended by his servants, who dc.di nut lus medicines to his liume ous purchasers, hisold mai tjr Stevens, approached as near as he could, in ol der to In ar the learned doctor harangue As si on as tiie doctor saw him he knew him, aud a pleasant fancy that moment striking him, be began to aduress the peetators as jodows : "Ladies a..d gentlemen, it is notorious that the mcdic.d praeliuiiers and proici- sors in this country almost cut. rely ncg- lect mo sttiuy oi inone sciences which uo not immediately relate to phasic; so that ihey remain u.i.iciiu lintel w.tii so many curious facts and observations which tend to elucidate numberless cases in their pro fessional line. 'i hose observations are generally known to the most celebrated physicians on the Continent, aud aie ol ibe utmost consequence to thousands ol' people who are atilicled with grievous disorders and maladies. When i was at Home,! learned of a very oiiii.xnt Italian secret, which tor real use aud value, can scarcely be paralleled in the known world, uid which 1 have oi ten experienced, with out ever having been deceived, it is an art of such a nature, that millions of good are to be compare J to its intrinsic value, and which, i am bold to say, no one beside myself to day in Englaud has tho least knowledge or conception of. " iou may observe, ladies and gentle men, that it is a maxim amo.igthe learned that the texture or combination of parts of the blood be already formed in a par ticular state, which is vulgarly called a vicious habit of the body, it is incapable of contracting or receiving certain malig nances which eifect or d.stamper it, aud which malignancies will prevail iu a great er or less degree, and become more or less virulent, according to its vitiated state ; all which 1 grant to be true. Hut 1 have now further to observe, that, the face is a palpable index to tho mind, wherein we may read tokens of the in ward passions, so tiler's are likewise cer tain signs to be observed iu the face only, wherein we may perceive many prognos tics and symptoms of various approaching diseases, which arc then breeding and en gendering iu the blood, and which, by thus being discovered, that if they are skilfully attacked iu time, that is, before they get to their height and gain the mas tery, may, by proper methods, bo easily removed ; and if they aro not so easiiy found out and treated, they may, and of ten do occasion tho death ot tho patient. This, ladies, and gentlemen, is tho art and mystery which I studied, and, if I can discover among tho vast concourse of people who surround me, any such per son whose present necessity requires my as taiice, and by whom 1 may prove the truth of what 1 have been advancing, I will instantly point him out publicly be fore you all." So, having spent some time in survey ing the throng, and affecting a very grave aud penetrating look, he pitched upon his old master, aud pointing to him : " There," said ho, " is the gentleman who 1 am ccrtaiu, that ho will really, without any assistance, in ten days time, be. no longer living, and no other person in this kingdom except myself, can possibly administer anything that will cure him. And so well- do 1 know tho nature and causo of tho- distemper which is now invading his animal fluids, that I would have you, gentlemen, partic ularly notice that 1 assure you, at seven or eight o'clock this evening, ho will bo seized with lownesi of spirits, restless all night, to-morrow ho lopes his appetite, then a fever will succeed, after which it will fall upon his nerves, and in a short time it will carry him off. " Thus, sir, be pleased to remember," continued he, addressing himself to the apothecary, " that I bavo told you the different stages and changes of your new disorder, and seek tho best advice and assitaucc you may, you will find all I have advanced to be exactly true." Here tho people were till amazed at this strange prognostication of the for eign mountebank upon their own town doctor, and were impatient for ils issue. The learned orator, having finished ail he had intended to say upnx the subject, im mediately proceeded iu his harangue on other matters. 'i he poor apothecary could think ol nothing nut what the stranger had proph esied concerning his approaching illness, lie went home directly, and related to ins wi ;e ail he had heard. And some iitile time alter, the good woman, per ceiving her husband pausing, melancholy, and apparently concerned at it, could not help .-y mi iniiai li,.ilig a little with him, say- " My dear, I am sorry ti see you so grave, but i hope you do not feel the dis ease co iling on you already. 1 should think you are tiie best judge whether the doctor e.iuh.l perceive any symptoms of illness in you ; but if I nught advise you, you should for prevention and security, take something, which you may think serviceable directly. Av." replied tho husband, "but be also told me that nobody but himself could toll what to give me that would do aiiv good; aud therefore it I find myself attacked according to his prediction, it will be in vain lor me to attempt any remedy, Irom my own prescription or from any person but hiin-elf. J'Yoiu this moment he began to be very uneasy in mind, and consequently bis disorder commenced, and, about seven or eight o clock was the time the doctor had fixed for his lowucss of spirits to begin, be was very impatient to see what altera tion would appear at that time, and very soi.n after he was so extremely ill that be could hot sit up any longer, so that to bod he went; and his distemper increas ing the next day, as Dr. do llctourgnac had foretold, his appetite was wholly lost, aud the news of his illness spread over the whole town, to the credit and honor of the mountebank baron ; and, although Mr. Stevens was very unwilling to send for him, fearing that it , might tend to lesson his own reputation in future, yet he was persuaded that all tho medicine in the world without his assistance, would be unavailing. So that on the next day, a fever ensu ing, (which was inevitable with a man of such notions,) by the advice of his wife and some friends, be at last sent for Dr. do llctourgnac, who being come, took no notice of ever having seen bis patient belorc, ielt his pulse, asked such ques tions as he thought proper, told that his disease was ol a very dangerous nature, that he had not found any physician in England who knew how to manage it properly, but still had hopes of being able to recover him iu a lew days, as be bad been called in time; that, if he cured him, he would have forty guineas for his medicine and attendance; aud that, if he did not succeed ho was willing to forfeit a thousand. To these terms the apothecary gladly consented, and tho doctor went homo to prepare something to relievo him. We may suppose any simple thing would do; for tho euro was to be effected, not by the medicine, but by tho physician. Erom this moment ho began to amend apace, so that, tho euro was -effected, in four or five days, and tho doctor not only received his stipulated reward, but was extolled in an extraordinary manner. "After Mr. Stevens was quite well again, ho was very anxious to know by what rule or method an approaching distemper could be found out, and how a euro was to bo worked. lie. thought, if ho could by any means obtain this secret, be should be happy, and then be ablo to vie with any of his competitioners in England. So, after he had made a proposal to the doctor for the purchase of tho secret, and had taken a great deal of pains about it, he at last agreed with him to bo taught this occult science for a hundred guineas. Aud which to his treat joy tho bargain was struck and the money paid, tho mountebank baron gave him a paper. neatly folded and scaled, which, as ho said, contained the whole art and mystery. The apothecary, with his great impa tience, broke the seal, and to his great surprise, found the paper contained noth ing but the identical nostrum in his own hand writing which ho had formerly sold to Mr Turner, being only " Conceit can kill! mid conceit ran cure!" lie remained sometime as if stunned, till the doctor burst iuto a lit of laughter, and discovering himself asked him wheth er he did not approve of the secret. The apothecary was obliged to be satisfied, finding by his own documents he had been diseased and restored. And Mon sieur le Baron llctourgnac, now Dr. Tur ner, by following his master's advice when his father purchased tho secret, not only recovered the principal, but lour times as much iu addition, beside his fee, and had the pleasure of returning tho compliment to his old master, properly trying this most excellent nostrum, and experiment ally proving it to be infallible. A Tonsil l.oosc Story. rjpiIEIlE once lived in one of the little Jj towns, not. many miles from Conway, Ne.v Hampshire, an eccentric individual by the mime of Eoss, whoso fame as a story teller was known for miles around. " My house was situated in a glen some six miles distant from tho stage road. Between Conway and where 1 lived was a pond of six miles iu circumference. It s i happened one time early in the spring that 1 hail been out late, and coming homo I discovered a flock ot geeso as they were just alighting in the pond. Rising early the next morning, i built the tire in tho lire place, and taking down the old shooting iron, I started to the pond to try my luck. Arriving - ou the shore, L found to my sorrow that they were out of gun shot, and to fire at that distance would be to sheer folly. While stood contemplating what to do, a fox came down to the water's edge and stood sunning the air. My first thought was to shoot him, but on reflecting 1 concluded to see what he would do. The fox in the meantime entered tho water and was swimming for the geese, which were hud dled together bout half a mile from the shore. After swimming within a few yards of them, he suddenly disappeared md in a lew moments a goose was drawn under water, when Eeynard returned on his homeward passage and landed his bur den on shore, then returning again he brought another, until finally he got the whole Hock ; and when he brought tho hist one 1 shot him. When I came to pick up the gceese, I found I had got fifty good liiee ones, which I lugged home, to gether with the fox and my gun. The old woman bad not got breakfast ready then." " But, Mr. Foss, the fox, to capture the geese, had to swim out half a mile and back, thus making a milo for each goose; consequently the fox swam fifty miles, and as tho geese averaged six pounds apiece, it made the sum of three hundred pounds, to say nothing of the fox and gun ; the thing was impossible." " Impossible or not, every word of it is true," exclaimed the old man, ' and 1 can prove it by lliore'n a dozen of my neighbors, to each of whom I sold feath ers enough to fill a bed." Freezing His Hog. Tho following good story is told of Mr. Lincoln. He was called to an out-of-the way place to attend to some legal business in tho midst of a cold winter. His client was an old 'Kentucky hunter who kept a number ot dogs. J. lie hunter met hi m very cordially but remarked that ho was sorry be could give him no better accom modations, as bis house was a one-story log hut. After supper, Lincoln was put to bed in the loft, where ho coald distin guish everything going on below. About midnight an enormous hound began to howl, and pret'y soon J.inei In heard the wife's voice saying : " Get up, Dick, and stop that dog's noise. He'll wake Mr. Lincoln." The old man turned uneasily in his bed and mutterrcd incoherently: " Oh, shut up, Peg, Lincoln can sleep 's well's wo can." Soon the dog howled again and tho woman repeated her former request, attending it with somo lively punches, until the old man was worried into rising, though very regret fully. IIo went into tiie yard with no clothing on except his shirt and was gone some time, l'eggy's curiosity was aroused to know tho causo of his absence, and finally, after many preliminary moves and exclamations, she arose herself and stepped out of tho house in tho same un dressed condition. Lincoln peeped be tween tho logs and saw tho old man holding the hound by the ears. IIo was hailed by the loving spouso with, " Why, what in goodness gracious sako aro you doing?" Tho hunter's responso was short and direct. " I'm holding this d d dog 'til he freezes to death, so that ho wont keep Lincoln awako any longer." The misfortunes of Smith. ,4 YOUNG Irish woman, not of very j prepossessing appearance, met on the Jersey boat last week a young man, whom she claimed as her long lost bus band. As this young man, whose name was William Smith, had never been mar ried, be had a nervous dread ot women, and when he found he was claimed body and soul, by a lady, with her face on one side and an upper range of prominent teeth, ho remembered he had a friend in the engine room of the boat whom he had not seen lately, and to tho recess thereof he speedily dived. This did not bailie or take off the scent of tho female pretender. When be left the ferry house the girl he had left behind him wi.s there to greet him. lie found that to convince a woman against her will was more than ne was equal to. All that lie could say, either iu the way of chaff or sober, ear nest talk, left her -of the same opinion still. As they created a disturbance in the streets, and the woman's pertinaney only increased instead of diminished, the officer on post was obliged to take the pair before Justice llugan at the Tombs Police Court. At the time of their arrival the Justice was engaged with a case in tho Examina tion l'ooiu, and Mr. Charles Wall, tho clnet clerk, with character. stie chiv airy towards the fair sex, took the pair and and the policeman into the ser geant's room of the court. There the young woninu was asked if her husband bad any marks upon him by which he could bo iudeutilied, and she replied that , i , i . on ins arm sue remembered seeing a scratch" or "blister." Upon hearing this Mr. Smith pulled off his coat, bared his arms, and, evidently enjoying tho novelty of his position, stretched them out as witnesses that he was not the law ful rib of tho deceived damsel befbro him. " You're the man, though !" exclaimed Mrs. Simpson. " You married mo about two years ago. and ' left mo three weeks after we were married. I am sure you'ro the man." By this time the justice had assumed the judicial chair. Mrs. Simpson told her story. Mr. Smith said he was never married in his life, gave his name and address, and the history of bis life, aud with evident truthfulness, This only increased the lady's positive uess, and she gave an address in Front street, where they boarded at the time they were married. Justice Ili gaii said: I think you're mista ken, madam ; but if you will go with tho policeman and tho man to tho boarding house, perhaps they will' indentify him, and you can come back and give me tho result. In about half an hour they returned. Mr. Smith was cot known at the board ing bouse, and could not be recognized aa the gentlemen who married this opiniona ted lady. Mr. Smith was released, but Mrs. Simpson went away convinced that she had been defrauded by the Justice out of a lawful husband. CSy"" A gentleman traveling in Ireland hired a pure native as a servant, who ho thought could give him information of the country. Observing a .beautiful resi dence at somo distance, tho following col loquy ensued. " Patrick, who lives there f "It's Mr. Fitzgerald, that's dead, sir." " What diil ho die of?" " He died of a Thursday, sir." "How long has he been dead, Pat rick ?" ' If ho had lived till r.ext Thursday, sir, he'd been dead a year." The gentleman thinking Tat's wita were wool gathering asked : " Have you taken anything to drink, to-day, Patrick?" " Nary dhrap." " Will you take a little ?" I will, sir." " Well, what shall it bo ? Will you take raw liquor, or will you have grog, or shall I niako you a toddy ?" , " If yer honor plcaso, I will take the raw liquor first, then I can be a drink ing tho grog whilo you aro making tho toddy." US?" " Why don't you wear your ring, my dear ?" said a father in a ball-room to his daughter. " Bccauso, papa, it hurts me when any one squeezes my hand." " What business have you to have your hand squeezed 1" " Certainly none; but still, you know, papa, one would like to keep it in equcet ablo order."