NOISELESS, LINK MOTION,
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ine, and fur Aj;enc os and Circulars, apply
AT PI! I NCI PAL OFFICE,
623 Broadway, New York.
UHVT TV NEW.TU1NU, for gentlemen's
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on receipt of 30 cents Agents wanted everywhere.
AddiiM-i, J Ml NKOK & CO.,
4 31 Zu T. O. Box 32iil, N.Y. City.
T,AF4TP3 The KwiENiBlstha most Useful ar
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Circulars free. Mis. Morgan, P. O. Box2-iaK,N.Y,Sm
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How I made it in 6 mos. with .stencils.
Sample mailed dee. A.J.FuuM,N.Y.6m
A GREAT OFFER.
No. 4S1 Iiroadway, New York
"TTTlMi(Hspn'--p of One HuNDKCn Pianos, Mis
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BEADY KOUF1NU CO.,
4 23 lya No. CI Courtland St. New York.
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1 mo 4 41a LOBINO, Publisher, Boston,Mass,
COOO MEN WASTED 1
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Catalogue and terms free. Address
lmo4 41a M. L. BYBN, 80 Cedar St., N. Y.
listen to the Mocking Bird.
The Prairie Whistle and Animal Imitator can
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an ass, the grunt of a bog, birds, beasts and
snakes enchanted and entrapped by it. Is used In
Dan Bryant, Charley While and all the minstrels
and warblers. Ventriloquism can be learned in
three days by Its aid. Kent anywhere upon re
ceipt of 10 cents; 3 for 25 cents; 7 for 50 cents: 15
for 81. Address T. W. VALENTINE,
lmo 4 41a Box 372 Jersey City, N. J.
$12.50 clear profit per day. $75 per week. $300
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Muuugu, iiuin iiio uuest tu inn iuu:ivrb liiui iu,llllll
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Address Family hewing Machine Co., Oflice 86
Nassau Street, New York.
. i .1. .. 11 . . 1 . . . 1. ; I . ii ' .
JAMES IB. CLARK,
MANUFACTURER AND SEALKU IN
Stoves, Tin and Sheet Iron Ware
New Bloomfield, Perry co., Pa.,
KEEPS constantly on hand every article usually
kept in a Itrst-class establishment.
All the latest styles and most Improved
Parlor and Itilclicu Ntovc,
TO BCBN KITH KB COAL OB WOOD!
WB. Spouting and Hoofing put up In the most
durable manner and at reasonable prices. Call
ud examine Ms slock. ,1 1
Use Dr. Frederick's
Lightning lie lief.
THE MEDICAL WONDER!
C ures all Pains and Aches In from 1 to 10 Minute.
JUT Sold by Druggists and Country Store Keep
ersund V, MOKTIMEB & CO.. New Bloomfield,
i'a Jt I. SINGElt & CO., Wholesale Ageuts,
viewport, Perry County, Pa.
raws so cents im
Ml BOTTLE 441
SUNDAY READ ING.
Only a Glass of Ilccr.
4 OME, ROBERT, take a glass of
J beer only a glass of beer j for it
cannot harm you."
" 1 never drank a glass of beer
life," was the low reply ; " I think
not drink it."
" Why, what harm will it do ?"
said the temper. " Do you think
of beer is agoing to kill you or make
drunkard of you ? What a fool you are
Robert Barnes? I think that you had
better go around delivering temperance
Robert could not bear ridicule, and he
wished very much too keep on friendly
terms with Mark Bently ; and so lie said ;
"1 am not afraid to drink it, Mark, and
to please you T will do so."
lie drank the beer to please his friend,
and also two or three more for tho same
purpose ; but in a very few weeks he be
gan to drink it to please himself. Ah !
it was a sad day when he first yielded to
partake of " only n glass of beer."
lie was hardly a man when he thus,
yielded to the tempter's voice' and so,
being young in years, he was easily led
iuto sin and temptation. Soon he drank
something stronger than beer, and in a
short time nothing but rum would satisfy
that terrible appetite. The eyes of
Robert Barnes lost their gleam of truth
and nobleness, his cheeks their rosy glow
of health, and once noblo from its spright
ly activencss. Alas ! for poor Robert
A year ago, I stood by an open grave,
that was to be filled by a poor wretched
drunkard one that had dicdiu his shame
and misery. A weeping mother and aged
father bent over that dark grave, and,
as the sod and stones fell on the coffin, I
heard the words, " Oh ! why did my boy
not die in his infancy ?" and then the
saddest groans I ever heard came from
tho hearts of those parents. " l'oor boy !"
I heard the father say, " ho died a drunk
ard; but I never taught him to drink
liquor ; for a drop of the deadly poison
was never found in my house.' Oh 1 why
did my noble Robert yield to the temp
ter?" This was the end of Robert Barnes,
and it was the " one glass of beer" that
led him to ruin, lie died in tho prime
of manhood, in consequence of drinking
one glass of beer ;. for it awakened the
tires of an appetite that never could be
quenched. 1 sometimes wonder if Mark
Bently fully comprehended what a deed
ho did when he held the beer-glass to the
lips of his victim. Perhaps ho does ; but
still he tempts the weak ones of earth to
drink tho awful poison, nud his own red
glaring eyes betray the fact that ho is also
on his way to ruin.
" Only a glass of beer !" Bewaro, boys,
and do not touch it any sooner than you
would a crested serpent, for it is far -more
dangerous. Do not for a moment listen
to the voice that tells you that it aannot
harm you ; for it may lead you to ruin, as
it did poor Robert Barnes. Boys, never,
never touch a glass of beer !
Spurgcon on Preaching aud Preachers.
At the annual session of the Baptist
Union at Cambridge, the other day, Mr.
Spurgeon said : " I recommend every
young minister to make preaching his
first business, lhe pulpit is tho Ther
mopylae of Christendom. Your people
may grumble that you don't go about
and drink as many cups of tea at their
houses as they would like. If you give
them good food on the Sabbath, they will
put up with great deal. If the Sabbath
joint is only a grim scrag of mutton, with
plenty of divisions and nothing to divide
(laughter), you will soon discover that
your people will not be satisfied. In the
next place do uot neglect visitation. It
is true that I cannot visit my four thou
sand' three hundred and fifty, members.
But my visitation is done by my elders.
Next let me say a word or two to the
people. It is a remarkable fact that min
isters of tho gospel are not able to live on
much less than other people. Laugh
ter. They cannot mako a shilling go as
far as other people can make a sovereign.
Some of them try very hard, but they
do not succeed. A member once said to
a minister who wanted a little more
salary as his family increased : I did
not know you preached for money."
" No I don't," said tho minister. ' I
thought you preached for souls." " So I
do ; but I could not live on souls laugh
ter , and if I could, it would take a good
many the sise of yours to make a meal."
Renewed laughter. '
teir We may desire, but cannot com
Tho Dutchman gets Married.
I RELIEF dat's so, vou vill pe trcad
ful oxtonished ven you ish founded
out vot I vas now going to dell mit you.
I hardly didn't like to told you vot dis
dings ish, on acgount dut maypo you vill
dink I ish a largo pig fool, mit out no
sense mit mine head, und also dat you
vill nniken funny dings apout me, uud
dalkcn right out pefore everypody of dat ;
und, pesides, I dinks you vill laughen
over me pehindniine pack ven you years
about dat dings vhich I have done. So
dat's do vay vhy I vas a drifle pashfull
mit mincself, und don't liken to spcakeu
mit you out quick apout dat, undill some
odder fool pesides me, pegins to vhisper
und dalkcn over it.
Yell den I told you. Lasd Montag
night dar ish a vedding dings dooken
blaco py mine poarding haus. Veil I pe
lief you dinks, vot's dat? Holt on a
drifle, den you saw dat. Mit dat ved
ding marriage mine lantlady, Mrs.
Schmidt, vas in mit. Still dat's noding
voutcrfull. Stop a lectle, den you know
vot you vill know. Also dat's not every
pody vot ish mit dat vedding. I ish dar.
Yaw, dat's drue. But I von't pelief, if
you dry a vhole huudrct years, dat you
can guess who de doo becplcs ish dat dis
vedding vas got ub for. l'esuro dat's so.
Mrs. Schmidt vas one of de bartuurs in
dat marriage ding, but who ish dat odder
one? Dat's vherc de guessing ish
vanted. One vouiin can't mako ub a
vedding party alone py herself, mitout
she vas got some help mit a bartner.
Now dor ding ish, who vas dat bartner ?
You know him ju.st so veil like a prudder.
You can guess him out in dree minnutls,
if you vas a lectle smart, but asli I don't
pelief you can do it, I vill told you who
dat vas. II I dell dat, und you makes
apout some funny dings und laughen
over him, I vill uothabon never somdings
more to do mit you, und I dreat him ash
a tisgraceful scountrel, no more fit for
mine nodice. You know ven I speaks I
say somedings; uud ven I vas mad, dat's
no fooling mit mo. You know dat ish it?
veil so dat's do vay mit me. I don't
Dat man vot marry mit Mrs. Schmidt,
or vot she marry mit veil dat's all de
same in English ish named Now I
dinkens you are getting readie to laughen
mit me, Don't you do that. If dat is
so, I get so mad ash I can got, und den
veil you know how it is mit me, und I
don't care. Veil den I speaks hira right
out quick. Mrs. Schmidt gets married
mit me, und I gets married mit with Mrs.
Schmidt und dat's do vhole blain cir
cumstances of the matder; und ven you
can saw anyding fnnny mit dat to laughen
over, you can't inshure ncidcr one of us.
So ve don't care go ahead.
Martha and Mary.
COMMEND us to our good breth
ren the clergy for anecdotes of pith
and delicacy. . At the house of the late
Dr. Archer, in London, there was a gath
ering of friends, and among them Dr.
Harris, author of " Mammon," and Dr.
Philip, Maberly Chapel, anthor of " The
Marthas," '" The Marys," etc. In the
course of conversation the question was
mooted, which was the most amiable of
the two sisters of Bethany, Mary or
Dr. Archer replied :
" I prefer Martha for tho unselfishness
of her character, in being more ready to
provide for tho comfort of her Lord than
" Pray," rejoined Dr. Harris, address
ing Dr. Philip, "what is your view?
Which of the two do you think would
have made tho best wife ?"
' Well, really," replied tho good man,
" I'm at a loss ; though I daro say, were
I making tho choice for myself, 1 believe
I would prefer Mary."
Dr Archer, turning to Dr. Harris,
said, smartly, " Pray, Dr. Harris, which
of tho two should you prefer."
The author of " Mammon" was only
for a moment disconcerted, aud replied,
in a style, that set the tablo in a roar ;
" Oh, I think I should choose Mrtha
leoro dinner and Mary after it."
Take any variety of grain, fruit,
or potato, and give it a queer name, con
coal its faults carefully, publish its vir
tues liberally, and you may make a for
tune out of a humbugged community. '
UaT" An English farmer by picking
over his seed wheat with the utmost eare
and planting a grain in a place, at inter
vals of a feet each way, produced 162
bushels to the aero.
Sleeping with the Landlord's Wife.
WE give the annexed incident in re
gard to Rev. Zeb. Twitchell, a
Methodist minister, in full and regular
standing, and a member of the Vermont
At one time he represented Stockbidge
in tho Legislature. Zeb., says our in
formant is a man of fair talent both as a
minister and a musician. In tho pulpit
ho is grave, solemn, dignified, and a thor
ough systematic sermonizer ; but out of
it there is no man living more fond of
fun and drollery. 'On one occasion, he
was wending his way towards the seat of
the annual conference of ministers in
company with another clergyman. Pass
ing a country inn, Zeb. remarked to the
" Tho last time I stopped at that tav
ern, I slept with the landlord's wife."
In utter amazement his clerical friend
wanted to know what he meant.
" I mean just what I say," said Zeb.,
aud on went the two travelers in unbro
ken silence, until they reached the con
ference. In the early part of the session the
conference sat with closed doors for the
purpose of transacting some private busi
ness, and especially for the annual exam
ination of each member's private charac
ter, or rather conduct, during the past
Por the purpose, tho clerk called
" Does any one know aught against
the character of Brother Twitchell dur
ing the past year ?" asked the bishop,
who was the presiding officer.
After a moment's silence Jeb.'s travel
ing companion aroso with a heavy heart
and a grave countenance : he said he had
a duty to perform one he owed to God,
the church and himsclt; he must there'
fore proceed to the discharge of it fear
lessly, though tremblingly. He then re
lated that Zeb. had told him while pass
ing the tavern, that he had slept with the
landlord's wife, etc.
The grave body of men were struck as
with a thunderbolt, ulthough a few smil
ed first at Zeb. then at the presiding offi
cer, knowingly, ior they knew better
than the others the character of tho ac
cursed. The bishop called upon brother T., and
asked what he had to say in relation to
such a serious charge, Zeb. rose and
" I did the deed. I never lie !"
Then pausing with awful seriousness,
he proceeded with a slow and solemn do
There is one little circumstance, which
I think make the act justifiable, I did
not mention to tho brother. It may
not have much weight with the confer
ence, but although it may be of trifling
importance, I will state it. When I slept
with the landlord's wife, as I told tho
brother. I kept the tavern myself."
UTY)ESTICKS" says oa comins
J down from a town that is sit
uated " a small few of distance" up the
Harlem railroad the other day, I was first
annoyed, then amused, by the writhing
antics of a green-looking chap who oc
cupied a seat just in front of mo! lie
observed closely every person that came
in, scrutinized their dress, manners, style,
and conversation, and seemed to solve all
social problems to his satisfaction, until
at last he began to take a strange and
peculiar interest in those posts that are
set up at tho approach of every station.
These are painted white, and bear some
of them the letter " W," others " R,"
that the engineer may " whistle" or
" ring," us the case may bo for the
warning of the station master.
My verdant genius looked with ever in
creasing curiosity at these mysterious
posts. Town after town wa3 passed,
station after station slipped by ; at every
one he beheld the posts with cabalistio
inscriptions ; he could iuako nothing of
of them. At last curiosity overcame his
bashfulness, and ho turned to mo and
asked for an explanation of the puzzling
hieroglyphics. I informed him, with all
my customary politeness, that the letters
were directions to the driver of the en
gine when he reached the " W" post he
was to whistle, while, as he was passing
the " It" he was to ring.
The anxious inquirer turned away with
a muttered word of thauks, but present
ly he turned to me and said :
" Stranger, I s'pose you're right ; but
blamed if I can understand it. I know
that, 1 W-r-i-n-g' spells ' Ring,' but how
ou can spell ' Whistle' with an R
eats all my district schooling."
I give this for a fact.
INGENIOUS WJp Ci:...'.;-JX
What Is called " utiiil.nr H, n i...r.., ,
horse," In chanlm? tin) bjgl.inlii f words, la
thus cleverly Illustrated :
Oh I for some deep. noalu.Iid d-1,
Where brick and mortar I'iim may e-ino :
To sit down In a pot of grca in
No, no I mean a grot of peace I
I'd choose a home by Erin's wave,
With not a sound to mar life's lot j
I'd by the cannon have a shot
No by the Shannon have a cot t
How far that rocky isle around.
That wide expanse to scan it o'er ;
I lovea shiver with a rear
No I mean a river with a shore I
Boinantic Erin's sea-girt land,
How sweet Willi one you love the moit ;
To watch lhe cocks upon Cie roast
No I mean the rock up.ui tho contl
'Twcre sweet at moonlight's my t!e hour,
To wander forth where few frequent,
And come upon a tipsy gent
No, no I mean a gip-iy tent I
Or, In your solitude to meet,
Some long-lost friend, surprised and pleased,
And ilnd you're by Ids sarsc pan grca;cd
No I mean his grasped hand seized I
In that retirement alone I would
Pursue some rustic industry.
And mako myself a boiling lea
No, no I mean a toiling bee I
Beneath a shadowy sycamore,
How sweet to breathe love's vow,
Your dear ono bitten by a sow
No I mean sitting by a bough.
A Ship Found in a California Desert.
BY many it has been held as a theory
that the Yuma desert was once an
ocean bed. At intervals, pools of salt
water have stood for awhile in the sur
rounding waste of sand, disappearing only
to rise again in the same or other local
ities. A short time since one of the sa
line lakes disappeared, and a party of In
dians reported tho discovery of a ; big
ship" left by the receding waves. A
party of Americans at once proceeded to
the spot, and found imbedded in tho
sands the wreck of a largo vessel. Near
ly one-third of the forward narrs nf Mm
ship or bark is plainly visible. The
stump of the bowsprit remains, and por
tions of the timbers of to.il- nr norfnf
The wreck is located forty miles north of
CI T 1- .
oan ncrnanaino and l-'ort Yuma road
and thirty miles west of Los Palmos a
well-known watering nlacG nn thn Wrf
The road across the desert has been trav
eled ior more than a hundred years. The
history of the ill-fated
course never be known, but the discovery
of its decaying timbers in the midst of
what has Ions been a desorr will ft..n;,i.
savans with food for discussion, and may
Pii,.iIl;Ii imnAl.,l .. ! 1 ' il , , . . "
.uwiion .uipnaui, uiu m me calculations
The Garden of Eden.
A traveler in the East writes that tho
site of the Garden of Eden, is, according
to tradition, located at the junction of
tho Euphrates and Tigress at an Arab
village called Kornch. Scattered along
the banks are about two hundred houses,
made of reed and thatch, whilo on tLo
treme point, where the rivers meet, a
shanty has been built for a telegraph sta-
i.: i Ti f ,1 rt
uuu ; n is says tiie UUureliman-wsome-what
curious to think of toWrnnl.
patches being sent to tho Garden of Edett
and it removes a certain halo with'
which our imagination has surrounded
the spot. But modern progress has pen
etrated those countries of tho East which
have been m decay and they are doubt
less destined to undergo a wonderful rc.
Artesian Well in Nebraska.
The labors of tho parties who have
been boring for the last eighteen months
in Lincoln, the capital city of Nebraska,
for salt water, were crowned with success.
At the depth of GOO feet below the' sur
face, in a strata of sandstone, a lead to
the great subterrauean sea of salt water
was recently struck, and tho briny tor
rent came struggling up nround the
augur shot into the air some eight or ten
feet. It has since flowed strongly and
steadily, and with great force and in
creasing strength, forming a briny rivu
let. It is believed by experts who have
seen tho flow, that when the augur is
withdrawn and tubing inserted, a stream
of water will be projected from the well to
tho height of fifty feet making it tho
most magnificent artesian well of salt
water in the world,
Pair There is a base ball club called
" The Silont," at Iowa City, composed
entirely of deaf mutes.
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