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1 Mb II 11 . II? 1 1 Wi FRANK MORTIMER, Editor and Proprietor. $ AN INDEPENDENT FAMILY NEWSPAPER. jZ'erms; JJV ADVANCE I One Dollar per Year, Vol. IV. TVoav Bloomfiold, X3si., Tecemlov la. 1870. rv o . 50. Js Published Weekly, At New BloomflcM, Fcnn'a. BY FRANK MOBTIMEK. SCMSCKII'TION TKHM8. ONE DOLLAR PER YEAR! Oil 10 CENTS I'iClt MONTH, I1N ADVANCE. AUNT BETSY'S ADVENTURE. IT WAS A HOT July afternoon, the air full of slumberous electricity, and tbo sunshine, sleeping dreamily on the close cut grass in front of the Merrificld hotel ; while down in tho glen, towards the rail road track, you could distinctly hear tho fret and ripple of tho trout stream over its bed of mossy stones. Mcrrifield was a pretty, sequestered place, full of pictuesque wood-nooks and pleasant rambles, and as yet, not over crowded by the high tido of summer fash ionables. Moreover, the fare was low, and the hotel charges moderate and that was the reason why Miss Betsey Whistleton had come thither with band-boxes, her tortoise shell cat, and her niece Ellrida. Miss Betsy was a tall, squarely-fashioned maiden lady, stranded somewhere on the debatable land between forty and fifty, with a leathery complexion, hair cut short in the neck, coal black eyes glassy rather than brilliant and thin, colorless lips. As the French say, " there are young maids, .and old maids." Some are perfectly irresistible in their sunny good humor and embonpoint more bowitching than any sixteen-year-old girl, because their arrows are tipped with the barb of experience. But Miss Whistleton did not -belong to this rare and radient" few. Miss Whistleton was an old maid venomous a radical op ponent to anything savoring of matri mony a, believer in catnip tea, total de pravity, and the approaching end of the world. And above all things Miss Whis tleton detested a man. Little Elfrida was totally difforent. El frida was just seventeen, with a round, apple bloom face, eyes as blue as wood violets, and mischievous dots of pimples, coming and going, like the impress of Cupid's finger on her smooth, pink cheek. And Elfrida wore white dresses, with blue ribbon fluttering about them, and roses at her belt, and read poetry tub rota, and- be lieved in mankind particularly in Tom Castlewynne. Consequently, it may easily bo inferred that Elfrida led a dolorous life of it, with her aunt Betsey and her Aunt Betsey's pe culiar views. This particular afternoon, Miss Betsey sat bolt upright, engaged in hideous pieces of patchwork, which had been poor Elfrida's "black boast" ever since she was tall enough to wield a needle, and scolded her niece persistently. " Don't talk to mo, Elfrida Martin 1" sho said energetically which was quite unne cessary for poor Elfie had not opened her lips in a quarter of an hour "I kuow per fectly well that it is all through your doing that Thomas Castlewynne, and his riotous cigar-smoking friend, have como down to Merryfleld and taken the room next to ours the very next room. I should think you would be ashamed of yourself Elfrida, to be walking about , the house with him, and the house full of respectable boarders." Elite colored here. " I am sure aunt Betsey, Mr. Castlewynne is respectable." " A pettifoging, dissipated, young good- for-nothing lawyer and Frank Ermine is no better. Elfrida if you don't stop taking such long st itches I'll mako you rip them out again. What I want you to understand is this : that this love-making business has got to stop. I won't tolerate Thomas Oas tlowynno's presumptuous attentions no not for another day. I'll pack up and leave Merrifield sooner. Do you hear mo El frida?" "Yes, aunt Betsey, I hear you." "Very well, then, I'll troublo you to heed as well. Perhaps you think I didn't see you lingering on tho very threshold of their door this morning, talking nonsense about the trumpery and wild roses you had been gathering. On tho the threshold of a young man's room I Elfrida I don't know what you are coining to." "But Aunty, the door was wide open, and Mrs. Glen was in the hall, and Isabella Raymond, and Major Farker's daugh ters " " I don't care whether tho twelve tribes of Israel were there, it makes it none the less improper for you'' and here aunt Betsey rolled up her eyes in a fearful eata leptio manner. " Now stop dropping those big tears over tho turkey red joining of that quilt I never saw such a baby in my life never." What a relief it was to ioor hunted lit tle Elfrida when Miss Major. Parker came m, with her stiff rustling silks and her basket of knitting work, and she was al lowed to steal away into tho inner room, with pricked finger, aching spinal column, and eyes yet dewey with tears. "I'll be married as soon as ever I can." thought Elfie with an indignant pout of the cherry lips. If I thought I should ever bo an old maid, like aunt Betsey, I'd jump into tlio river, I would. And Elfie crept away for a walk, low- spirited enough. The afternoon was well advanced befoin Miss Parker departed ; and Miss Whistle ton politely seeing hor to tho door, stood looking after her portly form. " I wonder where Elfrida has gone to," pondered the spinster aunt. "Down in J the grove flirting with that odious Castle wynne. I've no doubt dear mo, what trials girls are. Castlewynne's out somewhere, I know for tho door of his room is half open. 1 wonder " Miss Betsoy Whistleton stretched her long neck seriously toward the neighbor ing apartment, but there was not a soul in sight. "I don't really believe they change notes," said Miss Whistleton, "but if thev did and it's really a very excellent oppor tunity " She paused again and listened : still no sound, save stray footsteps in the hall. "I think it's my duty," said Miss Betsv. setting her colorless lips tight together, and advancing on tiptoe into the apartment 01 Messrs. Castlewynne and Ermine. "I never was in a mau's room before," thought the lady with a little bridle and a simper. "Dear me, what a variety of boots and slippers, right in the middle of the floor. Is this brandy and water? No, it's lemonado and a box full of cigars as I live, and a novel. Oh, the depravity of young men. I really hopo I won't bo con taminated by the awful atmosphere. And what's this curious wooden thing? Oh, I suppose it must be a boot-jack. A dressing case, too, with chased silver stoppers to all the hottles dear me, this cologne is really very nice. I wish I had brought that empty paregoric bottle along with me ; I dou't believe they'd ever miss a few drops. Pink pomatum, as I live and breathe and a "housewife," all fitted up with-needles and thread. My goodness, me, if it isn't lined with the very brocade silk that bo longed to my grandmother's wedding dress. I thought that pattern came short when I measured it, to make a silk quilted skirt. I do believe Elfrida took it to make this piece of folly and nonsense with." Miss Whistleton elevated her eyes and hands with pious horror. "Two whole inches. I wonder if El frida ever thought what a great sin it is for any one to steal?" The inquisitive spinster tip-toed about the room, peering into boxes, opening bot tles and looking behind sofas ; but still she found no condemning proof of a correspon dence between Mr. Castlewynno and her niece Elfrida. She was just turning to come out rather disappointed than other wise at the non-success of the scouting ex pedition when Tom Castlewynne sprang up tho stairs, two steps at a time, and strode along tho hall, followed by his friend Frank Ermine. Miss Betsey made a rush at the door, but she was too late. Tom's speed of locomo tion had been greater than she had calcu lated on, and with a blind impulse of con cealment she darted into the closet and shut herself in among dressing-gowns shooting coats, and odd-looking bifurcated garments that filled her spinster soul with horror. "They'll go out again pretty soon," tho't Miss Betsey, panting, as she held on desper ately to the inner handle of the door, "and then I can just slip into my own room." But no such a denoument appeared at hand. Mr. Castlewynne and his friend sat themselves down and deliberately lighted their cigars ; the blue vapor stole spicy and pungent through the key-hole. " I shall choke, thought Miss Betsey. " Now look here, Tom," said Mr. Er mine, apparently resuming tho conversa tion which had been temporarily interrup ted, "there's no use being a fainthearted fool. Marry the little Elfie if she has forty old maiden aunts." "My goodness gracious," secretly aspira ted the captive maid. "I say, 'though," said Castlenynne, "what an old cat Miss Betsey is. Fifty, if she's a day." " Sixty, I should think." remarked Frank. " The impudence of the creatures 1" gasped tho imprisoned subject of criticism. "But still," pursued Castlewynno, "El fie has some tender little notions about never marrying without her aunt's con sent, and if we could persuade her to give " Never," said Ermine. " Who could expect a shriveled up old fossel like that to hallo ! what's that noise ?" For Aunt Betsey, half stifled in the closet, and choked with cigar smoke, had given a spasmodic "ketch a" of a sneeze. "Nothing but the cat on the veranda roof. " I tell you it is something in the closet." Ermine rose and tried the door. Aunt Betsey hung resolutely on to her side of it. "If it is the cat," said Castlewynne com ing to the rescue, "she is remarkably strong in her muscular development ; give a good pull, Frank. Halloa." For the door flew open with a jerk, re vealing Miss Betsey Whistleton shrinking back into a corner. One moment Castlo wynne stared the next a brilliant idea flashed across his mind ; he shut the door again, and bolted it, instantaneously. "Thieves." ho cried in carefully sup pressed tones. "Robbers, burglars,!" "Oh my good Mr. Thomas," squeaked Miss Betsey wildly through the key hole, "pleaso don't.. Please stop crying for help ; it's only me, Miss Betsoy Whistles ton ; it's all a mistake, a misunderstand ing." " A misunderstanding eh ?" said Castle wynne. " It has a rather burglarious look. I should be sorry to doliver you into cus tody, Miss Whistleon, but " "Ilave mercy on me," shrieked Miss Betsy rattling at the door-knob. "Indeed, indeed I meant no harm it was a mistake, upon my word. Please let me out, quick, before any one comes, and me in a man's room, too." . " Dreadful," groaned Mr. Ermine. "Too frightful to think of," hollowly echoed Castlewynne. ",0b, dear," wailed Miss Betsey, as all the horrors of Ler situatiou dawned upon her, "do pleaso let me out, Mr. Thomas, and I'll give you anything I have in the world." Mr, Castlewynno paused ; he appeared to be deliberating. Miss Betsey took heart of hope. " Will you give me your nioco Elfrida?" " My niece Elfrida ? N ever really, I could not " " O very well, just as you elect. Ermine, will you have tho goodness to step down stairs and call up the landlord ?" And at tho same instant Elfrida's soft voice was heard calling in the next room. "Aunt Betsoy, aunt Betsey. Oh, Mrs. Parker, where can my aunt be cone?" Search, an expose and detection were looming over the wretched victim of cir cumstances ; she rattled madly against the door. "You needn't go, Mr. Ermine you needn't go. Only let me out " "You will freely bestow tho hand of your nieee upon mo?" " Ycr; yes anything everything." Mr. Castlewynne unbolted tho door, and threw it open with a low bow. Miss Betsy stayed not to reciprocate his politeness, but darted from tho room like-an arrow fleeing from tho bow, never stopping till she was safe in her room. " Aunty, " exclaimed the astonished El fie, where on earth have you been?" But that was just what "'auntie" never would tell her. "Elfrida." said Miss Betsoy, when sho had calmed her agitated nerves by green tea and a nap, " I've changed my mind about young Castlywynno. If you and he are really bent on making a match of it" hero aunt Betsey involuntarily grimaced, as if she were taking medicine "why you must have your own way, I suppose." Elfrida's face grew radiant. "Dear Aunt Betsey," she cried with a shy kiss upon the parchment forehead of theoldlady "lam so glad." ' "There, there go along," said Miss Whistleton, ungraciously, "I want to rip up my caps for tho wash, and I can't be bothered with kissing !" " I do hope," she had added mentally, as Elfie tripped away, "ho won't tell that child the. wholo story." But there was a mischievous Sparkle in Elfie's eye when she came up that night, which filled Aunt Betsey's soul -with dread, and convinced her that Castlewynne had betrayed the secret of her siege and surren der. ' And thus Aunt Betsy, sorely against her will, was forced to help Cupid's bark afloat down the stream of True Love. Alas, ! poor Aunt Betsey. The other day a currier-pigeon ricd into beleagured Paris a newspaper 45 inches square, with 236 dispatches micro scopically photograhed upon it, comprising the detailed news of the day from all parts of the world ; and there now comes from London a description of the machinery which did the printing. It makes a dupli cate of ordinary handwriting a milliou times smaller than the original, so that it can only be read by the aid of a powerful microscope. The inventor announces that he can thus reprint tho whole Bible 23 times in the space of an inch, and other books in proportion. Think of it. The Speaker of the House can carry Cushing's Parliamentary Manual entire, photographed on his thumb naill Webster's Unabridged may be printed on the lining of your hat, By the magic aid of this little machine, the total contents of the Astor Library may be transferred to a five-cent blank book. Add to such a compendium, a small portable mi croscopo, which might nestlo unnoticed in the pantaloons pockets, and the proprietor may have at command all the wisdom of the sages, from Socrates down to Ralph Waldo Emerson. HP A man with a clear intellect and sound body, can meet all the emergencies of life and be happy. A New Trick upon Travelers. A BOSTON paper gives the following account of a new trick played on travelors : A gentleman recently traveling from Philadelphia to New York fell into a chance conversation with a stranger hav ing all tho outward appearances of respect ability. Aftor some quarter of an hour's talk, the stranger politely asked the gen tleman if he would take a cigar, at the same time holding out two cigars, one looking like a Regalia the other smaller, such as is usually called a London size. The gentle man happening to take the larger one, be ing nearest in him as presented, tho stran ger recommended him to take tho smaller one, remarking that ho thought it was of better flavor. After smoking about a quar ter to a third of the cigaiv the gentleman discovered that ho was suddenly becoming very dizzy. A suspicion flashed through his mind that the cigar was not all right. Ho immediately threw it away ; but his giddiness increased so much that it was with tho greatest difficulty that he preserv ed his self possession. In a few minutes a most copious perspiration started from ev ery pore of his body, and tho water fair ly ran off his person. The stranger, meanwhile, was apparent ly sound asleep on the other end of the seat. On his arrival at New York, tho gentleman with great difficulty, got off the car and took a carriage for his hotel, whore he was soon after violently attacked with vomiting, and passed a very sick night. He had been for seveial years a resident of Cuba, a great smoker, and is fully con vinced that the cigar was drugged, and that this is a now dodge to trap tho unwary for tho purposo of robbery. Ho attributes his escape to the fact of his smoking, but little of the cigar, and to his very robust constitution. Sold for Three Dollars. In New York, Edward Murphy was ar raigned at the bar of the Special Sessions, last week, for stealing twenty-five cents. "Who is the complainant in this case?" inquired justice Downing. " I am, ycur honor," answered Miss So phia Lefller ; but I wish to withdraw tho charge." "Withdraw tho charge?" queried the Justice. "Yis' yer riv'rinco," squeaked a shrill voice from he spectators' benches; "you see I'm the by's mother ; I,vo settled tho case all right by givin' Mrs. Lefflcr three dollars." The people of the State of New York sold out for three dollars 1" shouted Jus tice Downing. "Not if the Court knows itself! Mrs. Lefllor, return that money immediately." His Honor's eyes flashed as the woman nervously gave the money back to the moth er of the lad, and gave testimony that convicted him. Sentence was suspended. Knock Down Arguments. A fow days ago, a houso of ill-fame in Detroit, was entered by a man of middle age and serious countenance, who inform ed tho women that he intended to offer up a prayer for their spiritual wellfare, and proceeded to do so dropping on his knees. The inmates of the house not desiring his devotional service took advantage of his position and rolled him out of doors. But there thoir triumph ended. Rising to his feet he rushed back into the house striking out vigorously with the carnal weapons of nature in a style that would have done credit to the prizo ring. Having by suoh knock-down arguments cleared a space, k? again knelt down and finished his prayer. The astonished sufferers by this develop ment of muscular Christianity subdued into silonce, heard themselves described and their cases stated in prayer, with a plain ness befitting the occasion.