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TWENTY-THIRD YEAR. LAMBERTVILLE, N. J., WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 30, 1895. WHOLE NO. 1,161 T3ie Lsunbertville Record: PUBLISHED EVERY WEDNESDAY. IZT TERMS, $2.00 PER PEAR. CLARK PIERSON, EDITOR AND PI) RISHEH. ADVERTISING RATES. 1 Square (about 1^ inches), 1 time, 75 1 “ “ “ “ 3 times, 1.25 A diminished ratio for large advertisements and for those running for long periods. Dr. GEO. P, SWIFT, 43 York St. (Office formerly occupied by Dr. T. II. Studdiford.) Office Hours f 8.80 till 9.30 A. M. \ 1 to 8 and 7 to 8 P. M. Nov. 2, 1892-ljr F. W. LARISON, Physician and Surgeon, CORNER MAIN AND JEFFERSON STREETS, Lambertvillb, N. J. ( 7 to 8 A. M. Office Hours: -< 12 to 2 P. M. I 6 to 8 P. M. TELEPHONE CONNECTION, which may be us d from any part of the city or from neighbor ing towns wuere the telephone line runs. ALBERT D. ANDERSON, Attorucy-at-La%v, 8JI.1CITOR AND MASTER IN CHANCERY. Office, No. 33 Bridge Street, LAMBERTVII.LE, N. J. May 3,1882 WALTER F. HAY HURST, Connsellor-at-L,aw, 8ILICITOR, AND MASTER IN CHANCER) AND NOTARY PUBLIC. OFFICE—AT NORTH UNION STREET, Lamukhtvilli, N. J. THEO. BALDEliSTON, D. D. S-. Lambeutville, N. J., (Scarborough’# Old Stand.) Having procured Dr. Estebr oke’s Wonderful Anaesthetic. I am now prepared to extract teeth without pain. Cost of extracting deducted from price of new set. March 12,1890 Dr. C. C. ARCHER, DENTIST, MASONIC HALL BUILDING, BRIDGE STREET, LaHHKBTVILLK, N. J. Hours—8 A. M. to 12 M. 1 P. M. toft P. M. Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays. Aug. 13, 1934.—ly Dr. H. W. TURNER, Graduate of University ol Pennsylvania, Veterinarian. (ollico of the late Dr. Price.) Sept. 27. 1893-ly. LAI! ASK A, 1*A. U. C. A YER, Vktkiunauy Surgeon and Dentut. Treats all diseases of domesticated animals, thoroughly and scientifically. Calls attended to iilght or day. Office at BELLEMONT house, Ihc 12, 1894. Lambertville, N. J. CHARLES A. STRAUSS, Manufacturer of Hlarble and Granite Monuments. Headstones, Enclosures, «Cc., .V HTil UNION a'/’/;A’/»T(Nkar M E. Church,) LAMBERTVILLE, N. J. Nut. 2, 1837 .-ly JOUA LILLY, Attorney and Solicitor, MASTER AND EXAMINER IN CHANCERY SUPREME COURT COMMISSIONER, AND NOTARY PUBLIC. Office—No.33 Bridge street (first floor), opposite he “ Lambertville House,” Lambortville.N.J. Aug. 22, 1877. JU. L. TRIMMER, COUNSELOR AT LAW, SUPREME COURT COMMISSIONER, REAL ESTATE AGENT, Ac. Office-Bridge St., adjoining Lambertville House, Lambkrtvillk, N. J. All legal business promptly attended to. Special attention given to tbo settlement ol estates, fore closures and collections. May 20 ,1885. W. HOUGHTON'S Steam Dyeing and Scouring Establishment, 33 Swan St., Lambrtville, N. J. Ladies' and Gentlemen’s Wearing Apparel of every description, from a Kid Glove toan Over coat, cleaned or dyed, and warranted to give sat isfaction. April 7, 1886. COLUMBIAN PRIZE WINNERS. CONOVER PIANOS CHICAGO COTTAGE ORGANS WERE GIVEN Highest Awards At the World’s Exposition for excellent manufacture, quality, uniformity and volume of tone, elasticity of touch, artistic cases, materials and workman ship of highest grade. OAf ALOOUM ON APPLICATION PNNI. CHICAGO COTTAGE ORGAN CO. CHICAGO. ILL. I ARREST MANUFACTURERS OF RAMOS AND ORGANS ill THE WORLD. Dauchy’s Advertisements. PARKER’S _ HAIR BALSAM Cleanses and beautifies the hair. Promotes a luxuriant prrowth. Never Fails to Restore Gray Hair to its Youthful Color. Cures sculp diseases & hair falling, 50c, and 11.U0 at Druggists i «e larKer BumgerTonio. ji cure* me worst tjougn. Weak Lungs, Debility, Indigestion, I'ain, Take in time.50eta HI N D E R CO RNS. The only sure cure for Coma Stupa alTpaiu. 15c. at Druggists, or IUBCQX A CO., N. V , Jan. 23, 1895-4w I'll? 4 T?NE8S and HEAD NOISES CURED/ *-*£*.*- My Tubular Cushions help when al else fails, as glasses help eyes Whispers heard’ No pain. Invisible. F. HIsCOX, 853 Broadway* New York, sole depof. Send for book and prooi • FREE. Jan 1895-4w. EPPS’S GRATEFUL-COMFORTING. LABELLED I-2 LP. TINS ONLY. an. .’3,1893->w. JOHN F. STRATTON 811, 813, 815, 817 East 9,li St., N. Y. BOILING WATER OR MILK O O O A m o vfi « H O *§ s W N o 3 «--*TL2r,er,rtr,*na iwRim In all klndior MUSICAL MERCHANDISE, VIOLINS, G111TA1S, BANJOS, MANDOLINES, Accordoons, Harmonicas, Ac. *• 111 kiudd of STlilSUS, etc,, otO Oct. 10,1891. PETER HEATH H .a. A FUNERAL DIRECTOR and Embalmer. CORNER MAIN AND YORK STS., Lambektvillk, N, J. ltenidence~73 MAIN 8T. Carriages furnished wher. requested. Doe. 27, l£98»ly. For information and free Handbook writ© to MUNN A CO.. 361 BKOADWAT, Nkw YOKE. Oldest bureau for securing patents in America. Every patent taken out by us is brought before the public by a notice given free of charge in the Scientific Jtmeeican Largest circulation of any scientific paper in the world. Splendidly illustrated. No intelligent man should be witnout it. Weekly, S3.00 a year: $1.60 six months. Address MUNN A CO* Publisukiuj, 301 Broadway, New York City. J. K. LaBAW, FUNERAL DIRECTOR, REMOVED TO 63 N. Union StM Hear York St., Lambrrtvillk, N. J. 4ST* Night Bell on Residence Adjoining. Horses and Carriages furnished for funerals. Upholstering and Repairing or Furniture. JS&Elpr,ce' gu*r*uteed 8ept. 3,1890. Peter S, Parker & Son, CARPENTERS AND gUILDERS, SHOP N. FRANKLIN ST., LAMRERTVILLE, N. J. Dealer in Doors, Sash, Blinds and Mouldings. Turn oil Porch Columns, Cedar Fence Posts, and Building Stone. JOBBING PROMPTLY ATTENDFD TO ON SHORT NOTICE. PLANS and SPECIFICATIONS FUR NISHED WHEN REQUIRED. Staircasinq in all its Branch kb. August 3, 1892. THOMAS C. HILL & SON, Bakery,Confectionery & Lunch Parlor, 11GREENE8TREET, TRENTON,N.J. Wedding receptions, dinners and lunches a specialty. Table ware to hire to responsible parties. First class work only. Out-of-town orders a specialty. Telephone connection April 30,'M BRIAR PIPE GIVEN AWAY EVEfty * ONE POUND b&le OF mWEFs MIXTURE jor . Dn«LP'Pe sMped d«kes Mixture or — ^0? PACKAGg- fi<fc TH£ ART AMATEUR. zzzzrr-1 World-. b'ulrj "*'ar',od • Medal „t the Invaluable to all who vi.h tn , I’T art or to make their t ' "'Clr llvi"ir vnp in ko U'eir homes beautiful *Uit IOC ’re»l»aead to Uon^a •pect„,c„'Zl'J0nJ?* luU.lb'a 'fc •P«|r»e’.1'“^yonj"K“'h”a 'public.! A A/, for ..si"ij ‘“Aiutfi; “ONTAGUKM.tKx, „ „ , ________ ’ “ ^n*on Square, N.V, notice to tax P,WT1„ p Se'SS" °f* the faxes on !JSf 8JJ hfls been Di,/£ of Lambert, •y days from ih!» J°a 0a,nt<' are ii-ii.i I?,1!?, unless coed to coile't ^ dR,e ortbla boK? 7ltt,rJ «"en “M real estate. h* “",e bf « Public M*J*of ^ . . " ,f. VVII.MOT _t*B»WHvlll«.J,B. )895 Keceive, 0f Taxes. ‘/“eaiTons. Eighth d« *??"{? ?f,H««e“oD *?,?"• 8ur '"“nr^hi,rh fct.21,183,. ,V'LLUM LYMAN, Executor. WiTT £ CO., ^o. 34 ®*sa ©^ LAMJiEurv/LtE, N j ® CANDIES a.vd CAKES At Prices to Suit the Times. ■'ttoticrpox S’,5“? of Juveniles. t".'wteTth?, ‘n 'a'u"‘e'0ha»rha°d"n,r pcop,° ^“^'Skhw entirely new iX}2j!!dr,%,,d f,«* oyer 2o(M« V0,,,,,lp KSTb’ 4 LAUUMT, .,,, Brc. 12, 1891, 1 u wishers, --_____ boston. I,,0“ Want lo any papering1, B,,y Vonr Wall Paper Now. -SltSTwX « ~ : a Per Ce,t' toter in ne sjrmr. '&1iX,Z£Xr- Y““»l Large Stock To Select From; —AT the — ffgii ®@@fe Store. v.,1af;boV8,neP,a0#yon-^agreat| FancyaoodSiBoofa4aafflM,&c I Suitable for Presents. all offered at fair n.i. and some much below coir0™ “ C°8t 1 Nov- 21. 189,. J- GARDNER. i The fitrongent and purest Lye ma/lo. Unlike other Lye. It being a flue powder and packed In a can with removable Ha, tho contents are always ready for use. Win make the boat perfumed Hard Heap In 20 minutes without boiling. It Is tbe hrst for cleansing waste pipes, disinfecting sinks, closet* Washing bottles, paints, trees, etc. 9) rXJTHA. SALT K'ro CO. S - Geu. A*w., m*, 1-fc June 6.1894-1 y. Cleanse the Bowels and Purify the Bloodl Cure Diarrhea, Dysentery and Dyspepsia, and give healthy action to the entire sy stem. B^pt. 19,1894-1 yi LIFE'S PROBLEM. Life means despair or bliss, As we partake of it. Life is a hit or miss, WUiehe’er wo make of it. Lifo Is a fleeting breath. Who knows tho trend of it? Walks hand in hand with death. Is death the end of it? We can but hope and plod. Making the best of it. Unto the love of God Leaving tho rest of it —Milton Goldsmith in Philadelphia Ledger. HIS AMBITION. Just after the memorable throe days of July, 18—, tho floating population of Paris wns modestly iucreased by the ar rival in that city from his native prov ince of Syinphorien Baliveau. The owner of this curious and not en tirely euphonious patronymic was a young man of about 35 yoars, neither handsome nor ugly, fat nor lean—tho tpyo, in faot, that one daily elbows on the boulovards and never looks at twico. I need not add, of course, that such was not his own opinion. On the contrary, ho was deeply impressed with the con sciousness of his own charms and equal ly determined to profit by them for tho attainment of the object of his ambition —notoriety. “Everything is in my favor, ” said he, “good looks, money and a determination to succeed. All I want is a short cut to celebrity. A duol will give mo that. ” Tho uoxt evening while ho was treat ing himsolf to a bavaroise at Tortoni’s a short, muscular individual, dressed in tho latost mode, with a bristling mus tache and a self satisfied air, took his Beat at an adjoining table. Tho provincial after a critical inspec tion of the newcomer rose from his chair, and saluting him courteously requested him to favor him with the address of bis tailor. Tho stranger glanced askance at his questioner. “Why?” inquired ho curtly. “Because I am struck, monsieur,” said Sympliorion, “with the good taste of your costume. That green ooat with silver buttons becomes you so admira bly.” “You think so? Well, your wish can bo easily gratified, for I chance to have n card of my tailor in my pocket. Be hold it!” “ThankH, monsieur. May I ask if you havo also tho address of your shoemaker iu your pockot?” “Tho same thing is in my pockot, monsieur," the littlo man answered, with great suavity, and toariug out n leaf from his notobook he wroto on it tho required address and handed it to Baliveau. “Is thcro any moro you dosiro to know, monsiour?" “Only this—your hatter’s nano, if I may bo so bold?” “Thnt, I regret to say, sir, I cannot afford you tonight. I have it at home, and tomorrow morning two of my friends will bring it to you if you will kindly oblige mo with your nddress. ” "With pleasure, monsieur,” replied Symphorieu. “Here is my card.” “And here, monsieur, is mino. ” “Nothing could bo bettor,” thought Baliveau as, exchanging a polite bow with tho stranger and paying for his bavaroise, ho strollod loisuroly out and down tho boulovard. Ho drow tho card from his pockot, ap proached a liglitod window, and on tho littlo squaro of pastoboard, iu dear, sharp etching, read, “Martial Koque. ” “Roque!” said he, starting back and paling visibly. “Tho groat duelist, who uover misses his man, but eithor spits him with a thrust impossible to parry or brings him down with a bullet sont evenly botweon tho eyes. Bon Dieu! What a mistake I’ve made, nil for the sako of a littlo celebrity. I’ll bo cele brated tomorrow, that is ccrtaiu. But what good will it do me if I’m not thoro to soo it?” A secluded spot on tho Bois do Bou logne—loss frequented in those days than now—agreed upon at 4 o’olock in tho afternoon, proposed and accepted. M. Roque’s friends announced that their principal, having the ohoico of weapons, selectod pistols, and this formality over left Symphorieu to his meditations, none of the cheerfulest, as you can sea While ruefully reflecting on whom he could apply to in his dilemma, he chanced to pull from his pockot the two addresses given him by Roque. And without a second’s delay ho dis patched a mossage to MM. Staub and Sakosky, the fashionable tailor and boot makor of that epooh, requesting their immediate attendance at the hotel whero bo was stopping. Thirty minuteB later they were there, and as a wise moasuro of conciliation— Symphorien was no fool, after all—he gave thorn an order considerably larger than thoy were wont to receive, even from their most extravagant customers. Then, the nocossary selections and meas urements made, he amazed them still moro by demanding the amount of tho bill, os he desired to settle it beforehand. With one accord they protested against the need of so speedy a settlement. They had evory confidence in monsieur's solv ency and wero not in the slightest hurry! “That maybe,” replied he, ‘‘but 1 am. I have a duel this afternoon with Martia Roque, and, though I am no nov ico in such matters and have caught a swallow on the wing mauy and many a time, one cannot be suro with so dan gerous an antagonist what may hap pen. ” Staub and Bakosky stared at each oth er aghast. Such an offhand proceeding took the breath out of then). They reflected on the chance—moat unlikely of course, but still possible—of his proving himself the better shot of the two. Roque owed them a regular pot of money, and if he should chance to fall by Symphorien’s bullet, who would pay their bills? Btaub lookod at Bakosky, Bakosky looked at Btaub. It was enough. Thoy. Understood each other. “Monsiour, ” said the latter, “in n caso like yours the oboico of seconds is a matter of great importance. May I tako the liberty of inquiring the namos of those who act in your behalf?” “I have none as yet,” replied the young provincial. “I shall probably take the first two soldiers I meet. Any ono, in short. I have no acquaintances in Paris to whom I can apply. ” “Then, monsieur,” said Btaub, "1 may venture to make you a proposition. Whenever 1 have a leisure moment, 1 am generally to be found in somo shoot ing gallery where our skillful marksmen congregate. Therefore, as you aro un provided with soconds, if you will con descend to accept my services and those of M. Sakoky”— “ Willingly, monsiours, ’’ interrupted Symphorien, who desired nothing bet ter. “Yon anticipate my wish and savo me an infinity of troubla ” Three hours later tho two principals and their seconds, punctual to tho miu nto, arrived at the spot fixed upon for the encounter. “What, ” exclainiod Roquo, "ho has chosen you?" “Ho could not do otherwise You gave him our names and addresses, and as ho knows no ono else in Paris ho was only too glad to avail himsolf of our services. ” Roque’s sense of humor, small ns it was, was so irresistibly tickled by the ab surdity of the situation that ho langhod outright. Encouraged by his unusual goniality, his two creditors began elo quently to implore him to bo merciful. “Consider, monsiour, ” urged Sakos ky, “if you deprive us of bo excellent a customer, tho loss it will be to both of us. A perfect treasure, who pays with out bargaining and before tho goods are delivered! These are hard timos, M Roque!” "And we have so many debts on our books, M. Roque, ” Staub added insinu atingly. Thoro was a parley. Roquo was clear ly perplexed. Ho stood a moment in thought, ovidoutly wavoring between passion and mirth. Finally ho walked over to tho outwardly calm Balivoau. “Monsieur,” said ho, with a courte ous bow, “you are sharpor wittod than I took you to bo. ’’ “Eh? In what way, monsiour?” Sym phorien domandod. “You know how to savo your skin without compromising yourself. But, soo you, toll mo what rnado you so bont on a duel last night?” “Ambition,” frankly confessed tho provincial. “I wanted to bo celobratod and saw no other way. ” “Ah, you hnvo tho mania, too, thou? So had I once—till I outlived tho folly. Well, no mntter. You’ve courage, nud your wish shall be gratified more easily and safely than mino was. Get into my oabriolok When thoy see us returning together, pooplo will say of you, ‘Bo hold, tho only man who evor went out with Roquo and came back safo and sound!’ Jump in before I change my mind, which would bo all tho worse for you.” Then, agreeably conscious that ho was the object of universal attention, Baliveau proceeded to tho Cufo do Paris —tho restaurant most in vogue at that time—whore ho longthily dined, know ing that every eye, from tho waiter to tho dame de comptoir, wns fixed upon him with an interest and curiosity that satisfied, even beyond his anticipations, his thirst for notorioty. Alas for tho unstablenoss of human felicity! Next morning there was a pan ic on the bourse. When ho entered Tor toni’s for breakfast, noononoticed him. They were too much absorbed in tho profits and tho losses. It was tho coup do graco to Bali voau’s brief celebrity, and weary and dispirited ho returned to his p,rovinoe homo. —Cincinnati Commercial Ga zetto. “Great on tho Spread.” Not long ago a young Vormontor, who is said to be regarded us a genius in his native village, applied to tho managing editor of a oity newspaper of wide cir culation for a position os reporter. "Hnvo you had any experience?” in quired tho editor, with suspicious bland ness. " Well, 1 reckon I have, ” answered tho young man. "And I can tell you ono thing, Bir, if yon want a fellow that’s great on the sproad I’m the man for you. I guoss any of the folks in Crcektown would ngroo to that. ” "Indeed," said the editor in apparent surprise. "Yes, sir,” said tho young man. “Why, last winter, when tho Widow Flanders’ henhouse was burnod to tho ground, I reported it for tho Croektown Spider. I had five columns of descrip tion, two columns and a half of notoB and remarks and two woodcuts, show ing the traoks made in tho snow by the hens and ohiukons that oscapud, besides two woodcuts taken from kodak views of the Widow Flanders as she appeared bofore and after tho flro. ” As ho fin ished thiB extraordiuay statement the young man's faco assumed a calmly ex pectant look, which it was tho editor’s painful duty to dispel.—Youth’s Com panion. Iteolcexl by Scripture. From the Snuntercr’s Loudon friend comes this little anoedoto of a Glasgow minister. The reverend gontloman, hav ing observod that ono of his congrega tion was in the habit of gazing about the church during prayers, told him one day that ho considered it would be more booomlng in a worshiper to keep his oyes decently dosed. The man scowled. "Doesua the Scrip ture bid us watch as well as pray?" ho replied. "And hoo can a body watch wi’ their een stoekit? Na, no. I’ll ust stan and glower aboot as 1 hao aye I dune!”—Boston Budget. Untied by Heat. : Tio a knot in the middle of a hair, place it on your hand and close tho hand so that the hair is completely covered by tho fingers. A few mlnntos will suf fice for the heat to loosen the knot in the hair, and frequently it disappears altogether.—St. Louis Post-Dispatch. Dispelling an Illusion. Ono of my readers wants to know the correct pronunciation of the word “Llanthony. ” It is always a painful thing to mo to dispel tho prevalent il lusion that newspaper editors know ev erything, but owing, I suppose, to the fact that I was taught Latin and Greek in my youth, when I ought to have been learning the tongues of tho living, I have grown up ignorant of tho proper pronunciation of Llanthony. All I can boast of is a general idea that in Welsh most of the consonants are vowels and most of the vowels sounds which no Englishman oau hope to imitate. But if any of my readers can throw any light on “Llanthony” I Bhall bo happy to as sist in spreading it.—Loudon Truth. A Bearded Freak. One of tho earliest of the American boarded freaks was Louis Jasper, who lived in southern Virginia at about the timo of the close of tho Revolutionary war. His board was 9% feet long and correspondingly thick and hoavy. He oould take his mustacbo between his fin gers and extend his arms to their full length, and still the ends of the beards wore over a foot beyond his finger tips. SPECIMENS OF WIT. fcOME HISTORIC FLASHES OF SPON TANEOUS HUMOR. Not m Few European Sovereigns Have Been Fond of and Given to Repartee. Clever and Brutal Jests Passed Among Englishmen of Long Ago. Generally speaking, the strong havo refused to put up with jesting from tho ,weak. Tho Czar Nicholas, who had some lino qualities, was hardened against a meditated act of plomoncy by tho un daunted spirit of a prisoner. Rolioff, n man of letters, had been implicated in the conspiracy of 1825 and sontoncod to be hanged. Ho was launched from the fatal ladder, when the ropo broke and ho was thrown to tho ground, soverely bruised, but conscious. Ho picked him self up and said quietly, “They can do nothing in Russia, not even twino a cord properly.” It was customary in Russia to pardon the condemned after a similar fiasco, but on Relieff’s words being re ported to the czar and his ploasure de manded he roplied, "Provo him the con trary. ’ ’ ^Henry VIII, with nil his violence and tyranny, oould boar with a retort as well as give one, for ho loved wit. When it was told him that tho popo bad sent tho cardinal’s hat to Fisher, bishop of Roch ester, he said, “He may havo tho hat, but he shall havo no head to wear it with,” and the bishop was brought to tho block. On ono occasion tho turbu lent Earl of Kildaro was brought before the king, charged with sotting firo to the cathedral of Cashol. "I own it, ” snid tho oarl, "but I novor would havo done it had I not believed tho archbish op was in it.” Honry laughod and par doned tho culprit. His bittorost enomy was tho bishop of Meath, who aocused him to Henry of divers misdeods and dosed his arraignment with, "Thus, my liege, you soo that all Iroland cannot govern the earl.” "Then,” said tho porvorso monarch, “tho oarl shall rule all Ireland, ” and instantly mndo him lord doputy bocauso bis good humor equaled his valor. Elizabeth resembled hor father in hor willingness to put up with rotorts from saucy subjects and to pay them back in kind, not always with tho greatest re finement. Tho littlo scouo with tho ill fated Earl of Essox, when sho boxed his ears for insolonco and ho laid his hand on his sword, saying that ho would not tako such treatment ovon from hor fa thor, is familiar to overy ono. Going back to still earlier datoH, wo constantly find tho imperious Plantag enet kings giving and receiving rotorts that boar witness of groat independence among some of their powerful subjects. It was Edward I who, on tho refusal of tho “Black Dog of Warwick” to join tho king with vassals and supplies for war, said, “Sir Earl, you shall either go or hang. ” Tho retort was, “Sir Rex, I will neither go nor hang. ” Honry IV of Franco was good natnred above most mouarohs in repartee. As a rule, it is impossible to reproduce in con ventional English dress tho Jests of this wise and witty king. On one occasion it was tho turn of M. d’Aubigno to sloop in tho king’s antochambor. Fancying the monarch was nsloop, he bogau to talk to M. do la Force, who Bharod his watch, saying, “Your master is tho most un grateful of men. ” La Force, half asleep, asked him what ho was talking about, when Henry cried out: “Wako up! Ho is tolling you I am the most ungrateful of mon. ” “Pray go to sloop, sire,” interrupted D’Aubigno. “Wohavoagroatdoalmore to say about you. ” Honry never showed loss kiudlinoss to his servant on account of what he had ovorhoard. But the cynical gonorosity of Freder ick tho Great is uniqno. A lackey who owed him a grudgo hud dotorminod to poison him. Ono morning ho brought in tho king's ohooolato and nppeurod visi bly troubled in countenance. “What nils you?” said Frederick, looking fixedly at him. “You look as if you had put poi son in my food. ” Tho wrotoh foil nt his feet and avowed hiscrimo. “Got out of my sight, you sooundroll” said Freder ick and took no further notice of tho man's attempt to rnurdor him. A delicate complimont is a work of far higher art than tho most biting sar casm. Evory one knows tho story of tho poor creature who found liimsolf seated botweou Mmo. Rocamiur and Mine, de Staol, and managed to offend them both by saying that ho sot botwoon wit and beauty, and was crushed by tho retort of Mmo. do Stael that ho possessed nei ther. Tho court of Louis XIV wns tho school whoro this art was brought to perfection. Tho flattory offored to tho king by tho mon of genius was at once coarse and oxquisito. Witness tho inim itable reply of Mignard, who was paint ing tho king’s portrait for tho touth time, when Louis asked him, “Do I look older?” “I soo a few more campaigns on the brow of your majesty. ” Ono of Louis’ marshals, Bassompiorre, was great at ropartco. Ho had spent ton yoars in the Bastille, and on emerging his majesty asked him his ago. "Fifty, sire.” To tho surprisod look of tho king tho marshal added, "I don’t count tho ton yoars I passed in tho Bastillo, bocauso I did not spend them in your majosty’s sorvioo. ’’—Philadelphia Telegraph. He MuHt Do Something. An inhabitant whoso hoois wore strik ing sparks from the pavomont as ho walked entered tho waterworks office, solectod his clerk and fiercely announced, “Sir, you can send up and take your old gas motor out of my house. ” “This is not tho gas olfico. ” "It isn’t?” “No, sir. This is tho waterworks office.” "Oh, it is? Well, then, send up and turn tho water off I I’m not going to walk 1 % miles for nothing.”—New York Dispatch. Tho first European mention of barley is on the medals of Motapontis, an Ital ian town, B. O. 600. Good Advice. Bo sure you are right, and thon stop, if there is any danger of your going wrong.—Picayune. The Indians called tho French Broad tiver Tockyesto, the “Little Roarer.” Had Held Ont Remarkably. Mrs. Houser—I supposo you’ll bo sur prised to hear that Mrs. Tunglash’s mind is completely gono. Housor—Not a bit. I’ve heard hor give Tuuglash a piece of it so often I’ve wonderod at it lasting us long as it has. —Buffalo Courier. GRANDMOTHER’S DOLLARS. TTliat Ilnr Dcscpndantii Might. Have Had In Interest From Them. A woman recontlydied in a neighbor ing town, and besides a granddaughter and her cynical husband sho loft a fow relatives and $80 in gold, with other things. Tho woman was ovor 05 when slio diod, and tho $80 included her wed ding presents. Liko many porsons in those days, she hold fast to tho shining oaglos and had had thorn for nearly 77 yoars. When sho diod, of course tho birds woro distributed among tho heirs. Tho cynical husband, who was married to tho old lady’s favorito granddaughter, mused upon tho $80 in gold and strip ped his thoughts of all sentiment as ho speculated in his mind what might havo been. Ho is not quite through figuring yet, and his constant query is, if gruud mothor had only put that $80 in tho bank when she first got it, what a clutch of golden eagles wo would havo now! Ho mused on this as ho got ready on cold mornings to go to work, and his favorito topic of thought was suggested as ho jingled a niokol and a bunch of keys looking for his car fare. Then ho began to figure that money at 0 per cent doublo in about 11 yoars, and ho lost sleep as lie thought how many times 11 yoars wont into 77 years. When the cynical husband finally referred tho question of his losses to a bank man, ho loarnod that in 50 years the $80 in gold would havo nmounted to $1,478.60. Without figuring nny furthor on tho problem, tho bank man said ho would easily consider that $10,000 was lost by saving tho $80. It is not nu unusual thing in somo of tho old banks to havo an aooount doubled many times over and over again. One day last weok in the Woroostor oounty institution for savings an nccouut was rookoned at $214.08 which originally was but $10.65. Nothing has over been added to or taken from the bank account, and it was left to accumulate. It took nbout 50 years for tho original sum to gather all that moss. Thoro was anoth er instance in the samo bank where thirty-one times the original sum was paid to a depositor. No ono won ders that somebody discovered and said that money makes money.—Worcester (Mass.) Gazette. BULWER’S ODDITIES. Tlio Fight That lie Made AgainHt All SignH of Old Age. Bnlwor’s appearance was deoidodly what is generally understood by ''aris tocratic,” or what thoFronoh cnll “dis tingue.” Tall, slim, witli finely out fea tures, prominent among wliioh was n long aquiline noso, with an abundant crop of curly brown hair and a full beard, tho first impression ho produood, nidod by a caroful toilet, was ono of onso and elegance. At a dinner table, whoro ho liked to speak, and, if possi ble, to speak alone, ho was certainly usoful as woll as ornamental, witli his largo blno ribbon nud star of tho Order of tho Hath. There was a certain nai vete, strango as that word may sound whon applied to so confirmed n man of tho world, in. his vain and vory appar ent strugglo against tho irresistlblo en croachments of nge. Ho did not givo in with that philosophical resignation which might havo been oxpootod of ono so clover and in boiuo rospoots so wiso. He fought against it tooth and nail. Lord Lytton's hair seemed dyod, and his fnco lookod ns if art had been called in to rejuvenate it. A quack in PariH had protended to cure his growing deaf ness, a constant sourco of legitimate grief to l ira. IIo wps radiant ono au tumn on his roturn to town bocauso ho thought ho was cured, but not for long. Tho copious uso of snuff was no doubt purt of tho attempted cure, of which tho most palpable results woro largo dnrk red or bluo pocket lmudkorchiefs, quite out of harmony witli his other wise elegant toilot. His expressions of regrot at his impaired digestive organs had something ludiorous about it. Ho would point with a sigh to n rosy oliook ed American apple and say, “To think that there ore pooplowhocanent thntl” One of his physical infirmitios—his deafness—provoil n bar to his ambition. He was sorely disappointed whon Lord Beaconsflold, instead of including him in his last cabinet, "kickedhim upstairs” into the house of lords, principally bo oauso he could not follow tho dobatc.— Rudolph Lehman's “Recollections.” Mr*. Hearat Give* a Library to a Town. Tlio froo utio of porhaps the finest and boat appointed library and reading rooms in the -whole northwest was pro sontod, with appropriate ceremonies, to the citizens of the town of Load, 8. D., on Christmas night by Mrs. Phoobo A. Ilearst, widow of Senator Hoarst of Cali fornia. The library and reading rooms occupy tho third floor of a now hall re cently erected by tho Minors’ union at n cost of $100,000 and contain in addition to a well seiootod stock of litoraturo, em bracing tho leading periodicals of Europe and Amorica, all of tho paraphernalia necessary to play tho popular games now in vogue. Onoo a fortnight a froo mu sical recital will bo given in tho main reading room, Mrs. Hoarst having em ployed a librarian with excptioual musical talont and Bont, with tho fur niture, a maguifloent piano for that pur pose.—Chicago Tribuuo. One on Billy Florence. “Ono of tho best on Billy Floronoe,” said an old stager, "was played on him as lato as 1888 by sonio of tho boys at tho St. James hotel. Billy wus an nr dent llopublican and vnlued his stand ing ns a party man. You know, he novor forgave his old friend, President Arthur, for considering his candidacy for consul goncral at London n joke. Well, when Blaine came back from Europo, and thero was a groat hulla baloo about tho uncrowned king, tho boys sent Billy a formal letter from the committee of arrangements appointing him chairman of tho subcommittee of rooeption on bohalf of tho aotors, artists and auctioneers roquosting his check for $50 and his prosonco on tho steamor Sloan at 6 o’clock in tho morning to go down and wolcomo Blaino. Billy bit Blowly, but finally swallowed tho bait, hook and all. Ho sent his chock for $50 to tho designated person, nnd not until threo days after, whon he had oaten a dinner givon him by tho boys who put up tho joke on him and paid for with his own $50, did ho find out how ho had boon fooled. His only consolation was that ho got up too lato to bo on the steamor Sloan at tho appointed hour.” —Major Handy in New York Mail and Express. _ Sin has many tools, but a lto Is a han dle which fits thorn all.—Holmes. AN ECCENTRIC PAINTER. earner's Studio and Methods a Curiosity to Visitors. Broderip and Sir Richard Owen, says the latter in his “Reminiscences,” waited together to Turner's residence, which was slightly dingy in outward appoarance. When they arrived at the door, they waited sometime before their ring at the bell was answered. At last an elderly person oponed the door a few inches and askod them suspioiously what they wanted. They replied that they wished to see Mr. Turner. The door was immediately shut in their faces, but after a time tho person came baok to say that they might enter. When they got into the hall, she showed them into a room and forthwith shut the door upon them. They then discovered, with Homo dismay, that this apartment was in total darkness, with the blinds down and the shutters up After a prolonged interval they wore told they might go up stairs. Upon arriving at the topmost story they perceived Tumor standing beforo several easels and taking his colors from a circular table whioh he swung around to get at tho paints he roquirod. Ho was painting sovoral pic tures at once, passing on from one to tho other and applying to eaoh in its turn tho particular color he was using till it was exhausted. After showing them all that there was to be seen Turnor vouchsafed the ex planation of tho treatment which they experienced upon ontering tho housoi Ho said that tho bright light outsido would havo spoilod their eyes for prop erly appreciating the pictures, and that to soo them to advantage an interval of darkness was necessary. At this stage of tho interview Broderip had to leave for somo engagement, and then an event took place which Owen declares that none of his artist friends would ever bo lievo. Turner offered him a glass of wine. It was while they wero coming down stairs that ho first discovered tho symptoms of an inward straggle going on in Turner’s bosom. When they wore passing n little cupboard on the landing, this struggle roaohed a climax. Finally Turner said, “Will you—will you have a glass of wine?” This offer having been aocepted, after a good deal of groping in tho cupboard a decanter was pro duced, of which tho original stopper had been roplacod by the cork, with tho remains of somo sherry at the bottom. This Owen duly consumed and shortly afterward took his loavo, with many ex pressions of the pleasure this visit had afforded him and a disturbing oonvic tion that the shorry might lurk indefi nitely in his systom. FEAR AS A CAUSE OF DEATH. The Imagination a Potent Factor In Ac quiring a Fatal lMseue. “Of tho whole number of persons supposod to die of disease, ’ ’ said a prom inent physician tho other day, "I should soy that at least 50 per cent aro really carried away by fear. Wore it not for this olomout mortality would bo far less than it is.” In support of his statement he cited vorions casos whore the elomeut of fear had entered largely inns a potent faotor to porsuado poople that their time had oomo. Prosoutimeuts, prophooios, pro monitions and genoral nervousness all played thoir part. Some years ago four criminals, condemned in Russia to die, wero taken to a houso and shown sev eral bods, in which, they wero told, a number of cholera pationts had died. In fact, tho bods woro new, never hav ing boon slept in. Tho criminals wero informod that they would bo sot at lib erty if they would undergo tho ordeal of sloepiug several nights in tho bods. From tho prisoners’ point of view it was a possiblo though dospornte chance of escape. They ono and all decided to take tho chances. At tho end of the timo proscribed two wero uninjured and went free, but tho othors developed all tho symptoms and died of Asiatic cholera. Two physicians determined to tuko advantage of tho impressionable mind of a femalo patient and prove a thoory for tho benefit of soionce. Tho lady had complainod of an itohing on her back. Sho was told that a blister would bo ap plied. Instoad a common postage stamp was applied, and, so runs tho chronicle, performed all the offices of the plaster which was not there. A college profossor was once tho sub ject of a practical joko at tho hands of tho studonts. Thoy met him ono aftor another, and oach successively inquired after his health, saying that he looked ill IIo took to his bed, a physician was oallod, and for dnys tho professor imag ined he was ill.—New York World. Highly Humorous. Au American who has been traveling in England declares that he has seldom found the averago inhabitant of London inclined to bo discourteous. As a rule, any information asked by a stranger is given freely and kindly. But you must not expect nn Englishman to forego au opportunity to rnako a good, robust British Joko. On ono occasion tho traveler hnpponod to bo in the neighborhood of Millbank prison and fanoied that ho would like a glimpse at that famous place of doteu-' tion. “Can you toll mo tho way to Mill bank?” ho asked of a stout tradesman whom ho met. “Aye, ” nnswored John Bull. "Knock mo down and rob mo pookots, and you’ll soon enough be on tho straight road there I” Thou, without vouchsafing any fur ther information, ho passed on, with a chuckle.—Youth’s Companion. Stopped tho Poaching. A Scotch gentleman, plagued by poachers, procured a cork log dressed in a stocking and shoo and sent it through tho neighboring villago by the town crier, who proclaimed that it had been found in a mantrap the previous night in Mr. Ross’grounds, who desired tore turn it to tho owner. There was no more poaching after that. —Pick Me Up. Ancient Steelyards. / The steelyards found in Herculaneum aro constructed on exactly tho same principle as those of today, with a pan and a bar, with a graduated scale, along which a weight was moved. The weight was of metal and commonly rep resented a human head, sometimes the hoad of a deity, Mercury being tho most popular. India rubber is recovered from Bhoes by treating with diluted sulphurio acid and afterward steaming the finely ground produot under a pressure of six atmosphorcs. Tho steaming process eoums to effect a dovuloanizatiou by oxi dation.