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THIRTIETH YEAR. The Store that Never Disappoints. COME SEE W ii AT A LOOK 31A Y SAVE. M e always have the goods we advertise ami von always liml them fully as good as we tell vuu iliev are Men’s $15 and $18 Suits reduced to $10. Men’s $10 and $12 Suits nduo.-d to $8. Men’s $8.80 and $8 Outing Suits red need to $'• and $(>.50. ^ oil 111 s’ $|0 ami $12 Suits reduced to $7.50. Roys’ $5 and $t! Suits reduced to Roys’ $:’> and $.‘150 Suits redo, d to $2. Roys’ $2.50 and $2 Suits reduced to $1.50. Roys’ 50c. and 75e. Wash Suits reduced to 25e. All Straw Hats One-Third Off Original Pliers CLOTHIERS, HATFERS, FURNISHERS TRENTON, N. J. CAHSKS HEADACHE. Viklll1 “r,: as iM,lwrt,,nt us -v,,ur ('.v<-sight i-> important. 10111 lllllNM 11‘y<>" arc not particular about your eyes, nny thing is goo I cnougli If \on arc particular, wo invite you to consult our specialists for tin* right prescription and lenses of the best quality (we grind our own lensts and use hot one grade—the best) in frames to suit your means. -uar4 SUN OPTICAL MF’G CO. (>F.O. F. APPLEGATE, F. C. /. FA MI XU, Pretident. Ti'canuri /• Cor. State and Warren Sts . Trenton, N J EYE SPECIALISTS. OFFICE HOCHS, i> A. M. to ft V M CONSULTATION FREE. A UiKRT I). ANDERSON, Attorney-at-Law, SOLICITOR AND MASTER IN CHANCERY. Office No. 38 Hri«l^r*- street, Aug 3,1000. Lamukhtvii.i.k, N. .1 ALTER P. nATHURBT, C'oITNSKI.UOR-AT-LaW, Solicitor and Master in Chancery, And Notary Piihi.ic. Office No .rii North Union street, Lamufrtvii.lf, N J. PUOtKCUTOIt’S OFFICE, FLEMJNOTON MONDAYS '|MIKO. BALPKHSTON, l>. 0 H I<amhf.rtvii.lk. N J (Scaiborough’s Ohl Stain) f March 12, l«#o JOHN LILLY, Attorney and Hoi.icinm, Master and Examiner in Chancery, Supreme Court Commissioner, And Notary Public. Office—No. 88 Bridge street (first Moor), Opposite Lambert ville House LaMBERTVIIaLK. N J P W. LARISON, Physician and Surgeon, Corner Main and Jeffkrron Htbef.th, Lamhf.rtvillf, N J ( 7 to 8 A M Office Hours: ' 12 to 2 P M ( 6 to 8 T St. TELEPHONE CONNECTION, which ma> ! be used from uuy part of the city or from neighboring towns where the telephone line J )R. CHARLES II. FALLON, Dentist, S. E. Cor. Union and ^'oryell ttrs, (2tl Floor), (Formerly Dr lteu,ling’s old stand.) Lambkrtvillk, N. J. MfUesidenoe—No 18 Coryell .Street. (8 to 12. Office Hour*: <1.80 to ft.ao. mj ffijly If All branches of Dentistry XaJ-J executed in all cases to suit the physiognomy. j | I. IIOAOLAND, LIVERY and BOARDING STABLES, COAL YARD, FEED OF ALL KINDS, Corner Main and Church Streets, I.AMBKHl VILLK, N. J. Hor*e* safe f'>r the moat timid people to drive. Mar 1S,'M-Iy. W. HOUGHTON’S 3team Dyeing and Scouring Establishment, S3 Swan St., Lambertvirlk, N. J. Ladies’ and (Jentlemen’a Wearing Apparel of ary description, from a Kid Qlovetoau Over* at, cleaned or dyed, and warranted to give aat April 7, 18S6. maynefounaon file at OEO. P. Rowell A Co g THIS PAPER__ Hewipaper Advertising Bureau (10 Spruce SL),a hereodvmis- YORK tng contracts may to made for It i*i KodoS Dyspepsia Cure Digests what you eat. This preparation contains all of the digestants and digests all kinds of food. Itglvestnstant relief and never fails to cure. It allows you to eat ull the food you want. The most sensitive stomachs can take it. By its use many thousands of dyspeptics have been cured after everything else failed. It prevents formation or gas on the stom ach, relieving all distress after eating. Dieting unnecessary. Pleasant to take. It can't help but ilo you good P iv pa ml only by E. O. T)*WittAO«.# Olileuga Tbu |1 bottle eontuius 2H times tbe 50c*. slz& B V iXTlin ! A ease of I.iipior, Morphine or Opium lialiil Ilia! we cannot cute in .‘10 to GO dajs. Write for free (rial (real ment. 'Nip Lillie Institute Co., * 1135 nitOAUVVAV, N. Y. Met Mac Kay's bread and you cot the best! i MaCKAY’S U CENTRAL +. IT§ t 35 N. UNION 8T., Lamukrtvili-k, N..I. >V UoleHftJe and retail dealer in BREAD, CAKES, CRACKERS AND CONFECTIONERY. «- FRICH 11 IIKKAII KVKRY MORNING. I.eave your onler, anil they will receive prompt attention. Jan. 11, UHMMv CONSULTATION FREE. Headache* 1‘nr. uted. Sight Restored WILSON CUTTER, EYE SPECIALIST, RAmnVAri t0 N°. 9 S. Warren St 110111(1*011 (SIOONI) floor), TEENTON, 3ST. J KEI’A IKING A SPECIALTY. OFFICE HOURS: 9 A. M to5P. M. March . •«»! WAITED! Reliable man for Manager of Branch Office we wish to open in this vicinity. Here is a good opening for the right man. Kindly give good reference when writing. The A. T. Morns Wholesale House CINCINNATI, OHIO. Illustrated catalogue 4 cts. stamps Tlh Lambert ville Record PUBUSHED EVERY WEDNESDAY, O'TERMS, $1.50 TER 1 EAR. CLARK PIER80N, t'UITOIl ANI) I’lJDt.lSIIKR. ADVKUriSINO KATES. 1 Square (about 0 iuobes), 1 time, 75 1 “ " “ ** 3 time*, 1.25 A iiimluuht-4 ialio lui Ihi-^o a«tvertlseiueutg and for those niunhig for long portoJt : : THE GREAT OPERA jj ;; mm holdip jj ;; By J. P. COUGHTLA.N <; < * CiWi»1gM% h*Jl,l.y A. s. JlUhanison 1 ► *:^-**4+*44 Tho OiiktrtH.* Opera House was un usually crowded. The people of Oak tree ore a drama loving community, and the Watson lhival Double Star combination was giving “Hamlet." The manager estimated that there was at least $o00 in tin* house, Ids prosaic way of summing up the value of the uudlemv from the box otllce point of view. 'I'here was a good deal more than $oU0 in tin* house from the prac tical ilimnei.il view of Geutleman George, known in the udjaeent nioun I tains, where he made ids headquar ters, as the leader of tin* Red Capa. Gentleman George had a reputation i that branched out into several of tlie adjoining states. His methods of brig a ml age were more novel than the un origiimlity of his sobriquet would lead you to believe; but, then, he was not responsible for the adjective. Gentleman George visited Oaktrec occasionally, but a discreet population refused to recognize him, and the au thorities were eoiiveniently unaware of his Identity; hence it wys quite In order, as with other personages, that he should attend the performance at tlie opera house Incog. The curtain had fallen on the second act and the audience was for Nettling itself hack into its seats when a tall, heurded. distinguished looking gentle man In evening dress appeared before the curtain and made a sign to the au dience. begging their attention. The at. In n«v craned forward in their seats The man raised an Impressive hand ami ncgan: “I..idles and Kentleiueii, I trust that 1 shall have your undivided attention. We are about this evening to vary the programme slightly and shall, with your kind indulgence, offer a little comedy, part of whose ju tion will take place in the body of the house. I think It well to warn you beforehand that it would lie bc>l for you to keep your seats. If you obey lids injuiietlon, you will be In uo danger whatever, but should you become restive serious ae eldents limy http,5eii “Now let me add that It will he im ' possible for a single person to leave the theater until the tinisli of the little comedy. If don’t rise from your seats, please you will look toward the exits you will see that they are carefully gua rded.” Eyes wen* instantly turned to the doors. At each door on the two tiers that included lloor and balcony of the little theater stood a resolute looking man holding a brace of revolvers and wearing a red cap. A tendency to Keren hi on the part of the women was repressed l#v tin* impressive hand of the man on tin* stage, who had by this time also donned a red cap. “No dang, i. friends," In* called out In an amiable voice. “Allow me to intro duce myself. I am (ieutleman fieorge, and you know my reputation. If you are reasonable, you will not be touched that Is to say. you will only be touched mildly, for what valuublea you may happen to have upon you. The good people behind the scenes are safe In the hands of my comrades. All com munieution with the outside is cut otf. Every door is guarded. There Is not a head in this house that is not covered with a I led Tap gun. As long us you sit still you are in no danger, but the moment you try to get gay or stow away any of your goods or put us to any trouble you will hear" The ominous ellpsis at the end of the luHt sentence had all its intended effect. “Now that we understand each oth er,“ continued the speaker, “our col lectors will pass among you. und 1 trust you will remember that their time Is valuable and cannot be wasted In disputes. In the meantime there Is no reason why the mush* should not continue. If you please, Mr. Professor, strike up." To the somewhat tremulous music of the piano three men moved sys temnticull.v through the lower lloor of the theater, each one carrying slung over bis shoulder a large leather hag such as Is carried by postmen, while three others similarly equipped went at the same time through tin* balcony. I-.auith may keep their wedding rlugs,” call -d nut tin; chief robber, who shouted out front time to time or ders to his men ami to the audience from the stage. "Please, sir. may 1 keep this? It was my mother's,” said a young girl In a tremulous voice from the haliony as she held up a small brooch In her hand for Gentleman George to see. “Certainly, my child. Jim, see that the young lady keeps her brooch.” Presently requests of curious kinds begun to come from all parts of the house. In some cases the requests were granted immediately, others as curtly refused and still others compro mised. Koine citizens were allowed to keep trinkets they valued by giving au “I. O. U.” for their value. This unex pected turn to the proceedings gave the affair a flavor of the unction room, and in the excitement, coupled with peeps Into tin- heart secrets of others, the women forgot In a great measure their fright. This result was greatly con tributed to by the good uatured wuy lu which the thieves (lid their robbing. “Now, my friends,” said Gentlemun George after a pause, “everything seems to be moving serenely, and while the rest of the collection Is being made, with your kind permission, I will en deavor to entertain you with a little song. Can you accompany me In ‘The Buwanee Itlver,' professor?" “Certainly, sir.” “If you please, then.” In n sweet, rich tenor voice the I brigand began the old song. The am!I en<v listened in amazement and as he finished the first verve tilled tin* house with genuine apple.me. By the time the song was tinished the collectors had completed their work, and only the guards on tin* doors remained. The leader again raised ids hand for alienee. “Ladies and gentlemen,” he said, “1 thank you for your kind attention. Our little comedy lma passed olY successful ly, and now before we wind up let me give you a few tlnai instructions. Our guards are still outside the various doors and shall remain there until we have had a good start. That will be, let us say, tifteen minutes. Any one who attempts to leave before that time will be shot deud at the door, aud you know l have a huhit of keeping my word. To simplify matters i Intend to place this alarm clock” here he held up an alarm clock which was handed to him from the wings to the view of the audience-—“here on tills table. It is set to go off at 11 o'clock. Don't leave your seats until you bear it. If you do” Before the sonteuce was tinished (Jentleinan George hud vanished. The (teople In the house looked at one another wondeiingly. No one dared to be tin* first to tempt fate by getting up und leaving the theater. Vet each man there believed that the threat was a “bluff,” intended to give the robbers ft chance to get safely away. They were disinclined, however, to put their belief to tin* test, and no one stirred While matters were still in tills Indetermi nate stute a piercing cry of “Fire!” rang out throughout the house and wus Immediately taken up on several sides. The managers of the theater ut tills outcry rushed on the stage and shouted words meant to be calming to the audi ence. They succeeded in a measure in allaying the panic which was begin nlng to get under way. but many peo ple, overwrought by the evening's hap penings, rushed from the theater out into tin* street. Then It was discovered conclusively that there was no lire, but that the scare raised by the cry had added to the start already gained by Gentleman George and his bund. By noon on tin* day following the sheriff was ready to start for the haunts of Gentleman George with a strong posse, when the mayor scut for him and read tills letter, found on Ills doorstep Unit morning: Dear Mr. Mayor A dastardly outrage haw been perpetrated on my good name und incidentally on tin* people of your city by the ruffians who held up the Opera Bouse last night The person cull ing himself Gentleman George wus only an Impersonator. I believe l know the scoundrel, ami by tBe tune you reeclve tills inysidf and a few trusty comrades will be on Ills trull. The good citizens of Oak tree eunnot be more grieved thun I am over the regrettable occurrence of last evening To show you that 1 was not the man who held up the Opera 1 louse 1 Inclose you my latent photograph, made in Han Frum-ltfco. You can depend upon It thul the evildoers of last night will he brought to Juath e. Yours In good faith, GENTLEMAN GE<>HOE I Tin. alierttY UM I, I. I hki* (be eu*A, Im ! pertinent tone of the letter ami thought that, owing to Ills long Imnuililty, lien tlcmau (ieorge wan tneliuetl to Jest with the township. The mayor thought differently. It wan, he said, a very courteous i.ute, and In1 eottld not see that It In any wuy relleetcd on the town. Sides were t-tken. and the next election was fought out largely on the i ] nest Ion of the good faith or other wise of (lentIonian (Ieorge. Though the election went In favor of the may or and the upholders of Ceutleiuun (■••orge, to this day It has not been tie tennlned whether or not It was that polished laindlt who had held up the Opera House. nt'uaie Here!" lu Japanese. A writer on children's games In Japan suys: “Blind man’s buff us played In Jupan Is quite the same ns the game played by western elill dreu, but If you pluy U with Jap uuese I may warn you not to say Tome here!’ In English to any one you may be trying to catch. It will be all right to say in Japanese Thot to olde’ (Come here a moment) or ‘Olde nusul’ (Condescend to conic here). The person spokisi to will not 'olde' of course If he or she cun help himself or herself, but If you cull out In Kuglisli ‘Come here!’ ns I know u foreigner did once, you lmiy Interrupt the game. 'Come here’ (In Jupunese character written ku ml) means for elgn dog. Iuu Is the word for native dog, but the first foreigners In Yoko hama, Americans uud English folk, nl wuys said 'Come here!' to their dogs mid the expression lius become u Jup anese word.” Surcusui Thai Failed. He is such n little man—only three years old- yet he Insists upon Intrud ing Ills presence uud udvlee upon his elders, often to their Intense annoy ance. It was only a few days ago that Ills mother nud his Aunt Belle were dis cussing some household problem—some thing uwhlch un Infant was not sup posed to know anything about. Sud denly, ’cuff appeared on the scene uud lu a moment was Informing both of the feminine members of the family just what the fucts were. “Oh, Wisdom, when did you arrive?" exclaimed Aunt Belle, thinking that she might be able to “squelch" the youngster. “Just come Uls mlnlt," replied the mite, not in the least abashed by the aurcasm. And Aunt Belle gave It up as a hopeless case.—Duluth News-Trib une. Art aud Literature. Friend—Have you sold that historic al painting of yours yet? Artist No, but I've hired a fellow to write u historical novel dealing with the same period. If that makes a hit, t can easily dispose of the picture.— Life. t Dr. Day id CUBE* ALL KIDNEY. STOMACH ** ■ AND LIVER TROUBLES. —Everybody puffs “Lambertrille Puffs"—even the newspapera. They are the bent 5-cent cigar. Kline makes them and eell them, wholesale anil re tail, at 20 Bridge street, corner of Commerce. KoM Pywp>ii Cure Digssts what you sat. GULF STREAM MARKS. I'll** t'ouriu* of 11m* I'lon riiroiiKh the OtTuu riainl.i I ii «l I «•«!(«• cl. The color of the stream is percept 1 My deeper Mue Ulan that of the neigh boring >«a. this blueness forming one , of tin* standard id . rorhvs of the nail I tieal novelists. The depth of eolor is : due to tin* high p. nvntage of salt eon tallied as compand with the eold green water of higher latitudes, observation | having shown that the more salt held lu solution by sea water tin* more In j tensely blue is its eolor. Thus oven in j oYtratropiewl latitudes we sometimes • observe water of a beautiful blue col i or, as for instanee, In the Medlterra | nean and In other nearly landlocked j basins, where the lutlux of fresher wn | ter. being more or less Impeded, the percentage of salt contained Is raised by evaporation above the average, says the National ideographic Magazine. Another important fact in connection with the stream i • Its almost tropical temperature, due to the fact that its high velocity enables it to reach the middle latitudes with very little loss of heat, rpon entering its limits tin* temperature of the s.a water frequent ly Shows a list* of ten de; re. s and even fifteen degiv. >;. It was this fact that gave to the stream In the biter years of the eighteenth century ami the ear lier y.ars of the nineteenth an impor tance In the minds of navigators that It no longer possesses. In th * days the chronomcti r. invented b.v Harri son in 17do, was still a.i experiment. Instruments were crude and nuutieal tables often at fault. The result was that the determina tion of the longitude was largely a matter of guesswork, a vessel after a voyage from tin* channel to America often being out of her reckoning by de grees instead of by minutes. The Idea, llrst suggested by Benjamin Franklin, that the master of a vessel, by observ ing the temperature of the surface wa ter, could tell the moment of Ills entry Into tin* gulf stream and could hence tlx Ids position to within a few miles was hailed with delight. The method was published in 1700 by Jonathan Williams In a work lengthily entitled “Thermomotrienl j Navigation: Being a series of export | tnonts and observations tending to prove that by ascertaining the relative j heat of the sea water from time to time the passage of a ship through the gulf stream and from deep water into soundings may bo discovered in time to avoid danger.” In I Ids work he makes a patriotic comparison of the gulf stream to a streak of red, white and blue, painted upon tin* surface of the sea for the guidance of American navigators. Don't lie it Norunt] t Iiimi Mil II. You cull hardly Imagine a hoy «ny in#: "I uni going to he a second class man. I don't want to lie lirst (lass and get Mo1 good Jobs, the high pay. Second i ass Jobs are good enough for me." Si eh a hoy would he regarded as luekh'g in good sense it' not In SUIl Hj-. TIU cull gel to lu* n second elfins man, ho e\er, by not trying to he a first class one. Thousands do that all the time, so that second class men are a drug on the market, remarks Suc cess Se* tarn class tilings are only wanted when first class can't he had. You wear first class clothes If you can pay for them, cat lirst class butter, first class neat and first class bread, or, If you don't, .\oii wish you could. Second class men arc no more wanted than any other second class commodity. They me taken and used when the better article is r<arcc or is too high priced tor tin* occasion. For work that re.illy amounts to anything first i la: s i.ic.i j • v. anted. 'I'll.- Il.»me of 10nfxIn4i(I'm Wciiltli, The bank of Km land generally con tains MiHlcicnt gold in sTv I cell pound bars lo make 4j<i.imio,imhi sovereigns. The land., which stands in three par ishes, rovers three acres of ground, uud. as the ( inn nl price id’ land In the \ leinit.s works out at 11,000,000 an acre, It Is easy to form 1111 Idea of the money value of Kiiglund's wealth. The rutahlc value Is about £1,000 a week. The hank employs about 1,000 pcopl?, pu>s a quarter of a million a year hi wages and i.'lfi.OOO a year in pension 1., There are £!!f»,ooo,000 worth of notes fn circulation which have been handed over the hank’s counter. — London Globe. SlHrllie; Hit- Con vernation. "I don’t koow what the trouble Is," said the hos'ess lu a tone of great an noyance. y guests seem very dis tant and umoeiul. 1 wish I could tlduk of some way to start them talking to one another." "That’s very easily doin'," answered Miss Cayenne. "Is there a musician present ?” "Yes." "(Jet him to play or sing something." — Washington Star. Till* 1.11 jmr of Time. When two married men who haven’t •eon each other for some time meet, one of them always says before they separate, "Let’s him; how old is your oldest now*/" And then, after he gels the answer, he adds, "It is astonishing, Isn’t It, how time does fly?"— Somer ville (Mass.) Journal. A Soli Aiifttver. “Keep yer temper, Piddle. Never quarrel \vi' an angry person, especially a woman. Mind ye, n soft answer’s eye best. It's commanded, and, forbye, It makes tbem far madder tlian any thing else ye could say.” London Tit Bits Comil •.•rl»nli4 ii cimI. Mr. I (row ii Dniilii". yntir butt her gives you short weigh! for your money. Mrs. Brown But consider, my dear, the long wait you give him for Ids. Illuntreti d Bits. Tli«* Huiiii* Ol.l Klory, J. A, Kelly relates an experience similar to that which Iiuh happened in almost every neighborhood in the United Htates and lets been told and re told by thousands of others. Ife says : “Last. Hummer f had an attack of dysentery and purchased a bottle of Chamberlain's Colic, Cholera and Diarrhoea Remedy, which J used ac cording to directions ami with entire ly satisfactory results. The trouble was controlled much quicker than for mer attacks when 1 used other reme dies.” Mr. Kelly is a well known cit izen of Henderson, N. C. For sulo by 8. W. Cochran & Co. YOUNG RAVENS. ijneer Story of Hie < IihiimIiim Color of the NcMliorn ltlrdw. I have not learning enough to know whether in tin* earliest times ravens wore accounted “unlucky." It’ so, why 1 were they chosen from among nil the birds of the air for the merciful er rand of carrying bread to Elijah in the wilderness? Did they steal it? They are given to theft! Also in the written word we are assured that “tied hear eth the young ravens when they cry out unto him.” And nothing of tlds is said of doves or of any other white or heavenly kind of bird. An expla nation is given in the Egyptian com mentary on St. Luke in the Coptic script by Eplphuulus, A. I>. 308-401. The passage is certainly very curious, and I am permitted to transcribe It here: “Why, then, did the evangelist mention no name among the birds ex cept ravens only? I Icon use the hen raven, having laid her eggs and hatched her young, is wont to tly away and leave them on account of the hue of their color, for when hatched they are rod in appearance. Then the Nourlsher of all creation sends to them a little swarm of In- i sects, putting It by their nest, and thus tho little ravens are fed until the color of their body is, as it were, dyed and becomes black. Hut after seven days the old ravens return, and. seeing that the bodies of their young have become perfectly like their own, henceforward they take to them and bring them food of their own ac cord." It is for naturalists to ascertain whether or no this strange account of the young ravens holds good in our day. t'ornliill Magazine. Got a lln run In. Years ago, before tlio corrupt prac tices act, when a Scottish pnrlhunen tary candidate was canvassing his con stituency ho culled at the house of nil aged couple, l'lnding the old woman alone, he entered into conversation and asked her to use her Inlluenco In get ting her husband to veto for him. While they were conversing the would ho M. 1*. noticed a kitten playing about ,on the floor and offered £5 for It. The bargain was struck, and on leaving ho again expressed the hope that she would secure her husband’s vote for him. “Wed, sir,” answered the woman, “as I said afore, John's n man o' his uln mind and Just does what shacks his aiu noddle, but at ony rate, sir, you’ve gotten a real cheap kitten, for yor opponent was In line farer gano than yesterday, an ho glod me £10 for Its blither.” London Answers. Tlio (.ci'itutii Soldier'* IVhuc. one of the peculiarities about tlio military service in Germany is tin* pa ternal interest that the olllcers are re quired t<> take in tin* frugality of tho men. The pay of the soldier is only tl cents a day, but the army regula tions guard It JculoUslv litneh man Ik tni>ooi ..i i ...... ui.. .honey in a little hag suspended from a string around Ids neck, and any olllcer during in spection may demand to have tlio bags opened and lliolr contents sbowti. If It be found that a soldier is spending bis pay too freely think of that, with the pay ai so low a mark lie is rep rimanded and punished, lie Is com pelled to make his pay cover his ex penses. (ioir In Old Diifrh Picture, Hy the seventeenth century golf In Holland had become almost entirely a winter game. Tho 1 Mitch painters of the period seem to have found a pe culiar fascination In winter scenes, with their clear, bright atmosphere and tin* moving clouds of figures hi their various occupations of sledging, skat ing or golf. As might he expected, many a golfing scene is to be found In pictures by Van do Velde, Van der Noer, Avcrcump, Van Goycii and oth ers of their school. Several drawings of this period showing single figures or small groups give perhaps a better idea of the golf of the time. Connois seur. AnUiiu Too Much. “Some people,” remarked tho drug gist to his clerk, “are frightfully un reasonable/* “Is the man who Just left an exam ple V” “Yes. lie wanted me to give him something to euro a cold.** “That’s very simple.” “Yes, but he wanted me to give him a guurahtcc (hat th<‘ medicine wouldn’t make him feel worse than the cold did.”—Washington Star. Am Hu <nll««l It. “Hut why,’’ asked the man who al ways wants to know “why do you call that llUlo Jump you make from n tower Into tho water ‘a leap for life'/' They tell mo it In not at all dangerous.” “Well," replied tho “artist,“ “don't I make mo livin’ by It 7“ Cincinnati Commercial Tribune. (Jo 11II (I II If 011 II. Wife of Kminent Philanthropist—My dear, what were you thinking of? You gave that poor man only 10 cents. Eminent Philanthropist I know It, Amanda. It will be $10 when it gets Into the anecdote column. — Chicago Tribune. • Keepliift ( |> A |i|i earn u <*«•«. "Do you think that dog Is worth tho money you are paying for a tag?" "No, snh,” answered Mr. Krustus l’lnltley, "hut you's got lo go to somo expense foil do sake of social standln’, Ian’ you?’’—Washington Star. Yo Diversion. Nervous Employer--Thomas, I wish you wouldn't whistle at your work. Olrteo Hoy 1 ain't working, sir; I'm only Just whistling. — Host on Tran* Se|‘l pt Or.W. H. Morse of Westfield, N.J., says of the greatest of all Kidney# Liver aud Blood Medicines, Or. DAVID KENNEDY'S FAVORITE HEMED? ••I have inown It to cure chronic lnllain inatlon of the kidney* where the intending physician pronounced the case incurable/* Sample free. Mention tide paper and address Dr. Davld Keuueily Corporation, ltoudout, N. V. Two geutTfcmen boarders wanted who will room together, at 53 Coryell 84., at 83.50 per week. ENTIRELY TOO CLEVER. ICspfrlfuiT of a Doctor In l*r««crlt» inu For n l*ntlrnt. An anonymous physician who 1ms written some "confessions" for tho In dependent tells this story shout him self: "l involved u request to cull from sn old patient who was afraid she was tnklnt; scarlet fever. 1 responded at once. 'J'he patient was ono of two elderly sisters whom 1 had attended for many years. I greeted her tn the sitting room and noted her pulse while In the net of shaking hands with her. lly some witty remark 1 contrived to make her laugh, which enabled mo to see her tongue. Then l said In a play ful tone: 'If you will get me a glass 1 will treat you to some of my patent soda water.' .Sho did so. I put a tab let In the water and she drank It. "1 want you to know that 1 take pride tn my original methods. L try to educate my patients to like, and not to dread, the visits of tho doctor. In this case all of my work had been done without the direct knowledge of the patient and I felt very good over It. Ho 1 hade my patient goodby with ex treme cheerfulness. “She looked surprised, uml then said: 'Of course you will come upstairs and see my sister?' ‘Not today,’ I said. ‘Give her toy respects.’ ‘Why,’ sho said, looking mystified and startled, ‘how strangely you talk!’ ‘Strangely?’ 1 echoed. 'Why?' ‘Because I sent for you to prescribe for my sister ami you decline to see her.’ It. flashed over my mind In uu Instant. I had pre scribed for tho wrong sister. I was entirely too clever.” Wltrre S mo 1.1 ii|t Is n SI ti. I’algrave, In Ids Interesting book de scribing Ills Journey to tint sacred city of Mecca, gives an amusing account of bis conversation with a mollali. On asking the reverend gentleman which lie considered the most deadly of all sins tin- holy man replied: "Smoking tho shameful.” "And next, O son of the prophet?" "Drinking.” "Are these the two greatest slits, fa ther?'' "Verily, my son.”. "And murder?” "Ah, that's nothing nothing. It's forgivable." "And stealing?” "Ah, that's forgivable too,” "llut smoking?” "It Is the unforgivable crime," re plied the innllnlt sternly and looking keenly at the llcllllous Mohammedan. Ami this is the Afghan’s creed. Mur der and theft are forgivable crimes, but for smoking and drinking there Is no redemption. Tile VI ii II will! the Fill (lie. The little old man llddlcd very hard as he stood near the curbstone In Twenty Hill'd street. The pnssersby looked at him curiously. Homo of them smiled. No one gave him a penny, l’reuellllv, he wus.seeo i.."..i- .nol then to fall, but lie kept on llddllng Just the same, even when lie lay piimu upon his back. A man helped him to his feet, lie never missed ii note. A little boy who had been regarding him with keen interest went 11)1 to him. Suddenly the bow hung poised and motionless. The llllle old man Imd run down. The boy bought him for a quarter, however. The vender showed him how to start Hie fiddle up again, ami Hie two went oil' together, happy anil eon! nled. New York Press. I'aicim duct'd. A Froshylorlnn preacher In llif ven tral imrt uf New Volk slide Ii'IIh till* story (in liluiHrlf: "It was Humbly morning, mill i luitl n(arli'il fur church. Tliu fimilly were jhi ]iiiil11r; In follow wlii'ii tin' youngest, ii (Ivo-yeur old, liroti'Hti'il, "I ilu not wn lit tn bo to I'liurch." “ ‘1 don’t fi'i'I mill'll llko It myNi'lf, Fred, 1111 h morning,’ replied Ills unitlnT, ‘but we must bo- Father has to Bo lin* Bone already, mill lie Iiiih to preach.’ " ‘Yi'H,’ mulil Fred, unconvinced, ‘but we tinvo to listen, mid (IiiiI'h worser.’" lloiv II" You Muke fl I'ti'ctcf Tim intelllBi'iicu of people may lie gauged by nskliiB 1 bciu to uiiike ii circle on iiniier with « pencil null not ing In which direction the liiiuil is moved. The good student In u ninth ematlenl clns* draw* circle* from left to right. The Inferiority of the softer sex, us well iih the mule dunces, I* shown by their drawing from right to left. Asylum patient* do the smile. - l.ondon Family 1 lector. Tlio Suit. Iiuwycr (to timid young woman)— Have you over appeared ns wltnesa In a suit before? Young Woman (blushing) Y-yes, sir; of course. I.nwycr Flense state to the Jury Just what suit It was. Y'oiiiib Woman (with more eonll deuce) It was mill's veiling, shirred down the front and trimmed with n lovely blue, with hut to mutch • Why III* Cried. Old <a«.*ntleman Why are you crying, my little man? Hum 11 Hoy (sobbing) I dreamed last night that the school burned down, • ml Old Ocntlcwun (sympathetically) - fill, but I don't believe that It line. Small Hoy Neither do I. I kin see the top of It over the hill \cver Mi»k«* n Player. Fleet t 'addle I saw ye carrying for the minister, yesterday, Donald. What kin' o’ player Is he? Second < 'addle Man, he'll never mult* A gowffer! D’ye ken what he say a when he misses the ha’? First Caddie No; what does he say? Second Cuddle (disgustedly) — “Tut, tut;" (llasgow Times. Where ll»e Shoe Pinched. Valet — Doctor, don't you find that master la growing terribly thin? Doctor—No harm hi that, friend, lie was getting too fat lie will be much better 111 health when he Is thinner. Valet (disappointed)-Very likely, only I shan’t be able to wear bis clothes.*' Ho I.on lent. “You shouldn't Judge n uinn by tlie cigars ho gives you,” rciuurked the philosopher. “Some one mny have giv en them to him."—Cincinnati Commer iiul Tribune. TlifVf la n Dlffcppucp Rptnppn In formation nntl Knatvlptlir. A grout tunny people mistake infor mation for knowledge. What n man most neciis is not tlmt he may ho pos sessed of an aoenmulatlou of faets, but that he may know where to look for the facts when he wants them. We all know the unpleasant individual who is continually seeking information. You show hliu about your city and he asks: “How many miles of street railway have you In your city?" “Wlint is the price of lee here tills summer?” “IIow many churches are there here?” “IIow long has that building been standing?" etc., ad nauseam. You don't know and wonder why lie wants to. You know whore you can tlnd out, and Hint Is enough for you. And then there Is that equally dis agreeable person who actually seems to be a tank of facts. He lias more In formation tliuii anything else mid de lights In asking you most extraordinary questions. When you confess your Ig norance, ho will look upon you with pity and exclaim,' “Wlint, don't you know?” and then tell you when you don’t want to know at nil. l-'or exam ple, he Is much surprised because you don’t know how long the Amazon river Is. He permits you nay, he Insists— that you should guess, only that ho uiny the better humiliate you. His brain Is so incumbtred with facts that It is almost useless. Life is too short for a man to try to constitute himself n library of universal knowledge when tlie reservoirs of such knowledge are ready to band when it is needed.-Man chester Union. Snrnlilnv Italics. A piece of parliamentary repartee quite ns good ns tlio famous retorts 111 the house of commons and our con gress comes from a New Ungland uni versity. Two students ranged against each other In debate grew very warm and took to commenting on each Olli er's oratorical manner. One of them spoke with much emphasis, letting the stress of Ills voice fall explosively on certain piiHsnges. Ills opponent opened his speech by saying, “My friend on the negative thinks to win tills debate by speaking exclamation marks and Italics.” The other could do nothing at tlio moment to turn tlio laugh which this speech raised, but when ills turn came lie "got hack” at ids opponent with tills retort: “My friend on tlio alUrmatlve says 1 speak Italics. I should say that he uses llallcs In the way they are used In the Kngllbh lllble—not to emphasize, hut to mark what Is not original and Inspired.”—Youth's Companion. Ilotv Vlrlor lliitto Worked. Victor Hugo always wroto standing nt n high ili'Hk especially constructed for him, throwing off slioct. liftin' sheet ns fust ns he lilled It till he would he quite snowed up In leaves of foolscap, lie often rose In the middle of the nil'll! In 'ini" down an lit*"' or a verse, fie got up tur mo uny u sou to nt 11 o'olncl* mill ,v.uM devote from six to eight hours per diem to his work, fie made hut few corrections, his poems helm; thought out complete In his brain before he put pen to paper. It Is a well known fact that liu Indulged in the ar duous task of composition while trav ersing the streets of l’urls on the top of an omnibus. When working out some great conception, ho would spend hours In this way. The KIm-iIIvh mill tile lliinenl. Kreu lo Iho adventurers and down right swindlers who hung about his court at Cairo and afterward pursued Ids wanderings Ismail extended a good untun'd, half contemptuous patronage, lie liked a rogue far better Ilian a fool. Once, when he hail formally forbidden Ids door to a flagrant offender, the man, who knew his character, got a ladder tind climbed Into the viceroy's room, re marking, "I have obeyed your highness' commands and have crossed your threshold by the window and not tty the door.” Tho humor of the thing nt once appealed to Ismail, anil the offend er was reinstated In Ills favor.—Atlie meum. The Kuillnk Hem-. Tho largest known living carnivorous nnlmal Is the Kadiak hear. Although tho biggest creature In tho western continent, the Kadiak hear has the most limited habitat of any nnlmal in the world. Tho island of Kadiak, just oft tho western const of Alaska, is the only place where It Is found. Tho lar gest one killed by a white man meas ured fifteen feet In length and was six feet high at the shoulders. Standing upon his bind legs, tills monster would tower nearly twenty feet In tho air.— Philadelphia Inquirer. Savin if III* Mute. Ou one occasion at a crowded per formance at the ltoynl theater In Syd ney, N. S. W., a number of years ago ft couple of sailors who hail been drink ing were seated lu the gallery. One lost his balance uml fell into the slabs. Tho other Immediately cried, “Man overboard!” and dived after his com panion. With the proverbial luck of drunken sailors tho first escaped with u broken leg nud tho second without n scratch. Gray Hair “ I hsve used Ayer’s Hair Vigor for over thirty years. It has kept my scalp free from dandruff and has prevented my hair from turn ing gray.”—Mrs. F. A. Soule, Billings, Mont. There is this peculiar thing about Ayer’s Hair Vigor — it is a hair food, not a dye. Your hair does not suddenly turn black, look dead and lifeless. But gradually the old color comes back,—all the rich, dark color it used to have. The hair stops falling, too. Sl.oo a bottle. All druggists. If your druggist cannot sunply you, ■end ua one dollar and mo will express you a bottle. Bo sure ami cite the namu of your ueareat express oflno. Address, J. C. AY UK CO., Lowell, Matte.