The Lambertville record. [volume], February 25, 1903, Image 4

About The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968

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The Lambfhtville Record
V\ EDNESDAY, FEB. 25, 1903
MEN'S FI VE SENSES.
CURIOUS FACTS ABOUT THEM NOT
GENERALLY KNOWN.
The Nerve* of Taule Are P«rnly*eil
l>> Kitliei* \ ery Hoi or Very ('old
1.l<iui(’.n—The Eur I* a Wonih'rful
Or*caa—The Eye* Eaully lleeelved.
For some unknown reason different
parts of tin* tongue are assigmsl for
the pereeption of different tastes.
With tlie tip we taste sweet substances
and salts, with the back we taste bitter
things and with the sides we taste
rn-ids. 'Flu* middle part of the tongue’s
surface Ims scarcely any sense of taste
at all.
The long uatned substance parabroin
bonzolc sulphinide produces a most re
markable effect, for It gives a sense of
sweetness to the point of the tongue
and of bitterness to the back. 1‘ure
water tastes sweet after sulphate of
magnesia.
We ran only taste things in solu
tion; lienee If the tongue were perfect
ly dry it would not be affected by the
si -digest flavored substance In a dry
state.
The taste nerves are paralyzed by
very hot or very cold liquids. After
drinking very hot or lee cold water
we could not taste even such a sub
stance as quinine. This fact supplies
a useful hint for consumers of III fla
vored medicines.
Smell, though the least usenii, me
most delicate of all our senses. We
can smell the throe-hundred-millionth
j>art of a grain of musk. No chemical
analysis can detect shell minute quail
lilies. Tin? most powerful microscope
would not render a particle ten thou
sand times as large visible. We could
not taste It were It many thousand (
times as large.
While we taste liquids, we can smell
only gases. Till your nostrils with enu
do cologne, and you will experience no \
odor whatever. Fine ns our sense* of ,
nincll Is. it has deteriorated Immensely
since the time when our forefathers
were wild men. Tins Culmucks ean
smell an encampment twenty miles
away; the Peruvians ean distinguish
all tin* South American races by their
Hut smell is a sense highly suscep
tible of cultivation even by the modern
white man. Dealers in tea, spices, per
fumes and drugs, in consequence of
their training, can distinguish the
faintest differences In odors.
1 he organ of hearing is one of the |
most marvelous pieces of mechanism
in the body. In animals the external
ear acts as a trumpet to collect the
sound waves; in man it is little more
than an ornament, hut the Internal ear
is alike in both. So wonderful Is its
construction that we can distinguish
sounds varying from forty to -Lotto vi
brations per second. This feat Is per
formed by a portion of tin* ear called
the organ of PortI. W hat a wonderful
organ that Is may he understood from
the fact that It consists of 5,000 pieces
of apparatus, each piece being made
up of two rods, one Inner hair cell and
four outer Imlr cells that Is. 55.000
separate parts. Ill some mysterious
manner the rods, with other tilings, are
tuned to different notes, and when they
vibrate they cause the hairs to trans
mit an Impulse to the nerve of hearing.
To he mimical. therefore, Is to have a
good organ of t'ortl.
Why is it that scratching a piece of
glass with metal causes such an un
pleasant sound? Because it Is what is
called the fundamental tone of tin* ear,
which is very high. What the funda
mental tone exactly is would take too
much space to explain, but If yotl blow
across the month of a bottle, a hollow
globe, etc., you got its fundamental
tone.
The ear i. a deceptive organ, and it
Is often a matter of guesswork to tell
whence a sound comes. Indeed. If you :
place the open hands in front id’ your
cars and curve them backward sounds
produced in front will appear to come
from behind
Human beings and monkeys see most
things with both eyes. Our whole Held
of vision extends over ISO degrees or
half a circle. The middle half of this
we see with both eyes together, but
the quarter at each side Is seen only
w Ith one eye.
All other animals sec* most things
with one eye only. Scarcely ever can
they tlx both eyes on anything at the
satin* time. Hut there are considerable
variations. A bulldog, for instance,
somewhat closely approaches the con
dition of a monkey The larger the pu
pil the* greater the quantity of light
which enters the eye. Large pupiled
people, therefore, see the* world In a
brighter and more cheerful state than
those* with small pupils. They can boo
things better in the dusk or at night.
As every one* knows from the* optical
illusion pictures, the eyes are easily
deceived A white square on a black
ground appear** larger than a black
square of the same* size* on a white
ground. I!»*d near greeu looks redder;
blue* neat yellow looks bluer; white
near blac k looks whiter.
Touch really includes several senses.
Thus there* are spots on the* skin which
feel beat only, spots which fed only
cold, spots which feel only pain, spots
which feel only pressure and spots
which fe*el tickling. These spots are
supplies! with nerves capable of doing
only one particular duty. The sensa
tions «f the skin are grouped by physi
ologists into three kinds —touch, pain
ami temperature The skin which cov
ers a scar has only one kind of sensa
tion. It can feel neither pressure (touch
propen nor temperature, but perceives
pain very acutely. The tongue is tlio
most sensitive of all parts to touch, the
forehead and elbow to heat or cold.
We only dream sights and sounds.
We never dream tastes or smells, if
we dream of a flower garden, we see
the flowers, but do not smell them, if
we d re tin of dinner, we see the dish
es. but do not taste them.
I'oor MauiuiH.
The Dear Child—Oh, tin, Bloom,
wheu did you got buck?
Mrs. Bloom—Illoss you, dour, I was
not n way any whore. What made you
think so?
The Dear Child 1 thought you were.
I heard my mamma say that you were
it loggerheads with your husband for
ever a week.
Alonlutelr l*n«t Hope.
“She Is the most Inoonslstont woman
1 over know."
"Never does what slio ought to or
what you expect, eh?”
“That is just it. Sometimes she dot's
She Is inconsistently Inconsistent."
Beware of the man who offers you
advice at the expense of a mutual
friend.
None are less eager to learn than
they who know nothing — Suard.
SOME QUAINT ENGLISH.
Portuftticae l<J«*n of the I,an«ua>c«* Ii<
n Hook of “Learn in k.**
A book as amusing ns it Is rare is in
the library of a Wissabiekon student
The work Is 1I«mI “O Nova Hula d:i
<'unversacao.” It is supposed to in
\ struct the Portuguese in English eon
versation, ard the following, a dia
i logue headed "For to Hide a Horse,” F
the kind of English conversation it sup
plies:
“Here is a horse who have a bae
looks. fJive mi another; i will not that
lie not sail know to march, he is pursy
lie is foundered. Don’t you are ashamed
to give me a Jade as like? He Is und
shoed. lie is with nails up: It want V
lend to the farrier.”
An anecdote in the hook is:
“A day came a man to consult till'
philosopher for to know at o'clock it
was one to eat. ‘If thou art rich, tolu
him cat when you shall wish: if you
are poor, when you may do.’ ”
In the preface the most elegant pat
agrapli is the following:
"We export then, who the little book
(for the cure what we wrote him. and
for her typographical correction) tlmi
may be worth tile acceptation of th«
studious persons, and especially of the
youth, at which we dedicate him par
ticularly.”
The authors of this strange vollin:
are .lose da Fonseca and I'edro Haro
lino. It would lie interesting to know
where I’edro and Jose "learned” Eng
lish. Philadelphia Hecord.
S»tl*n<‘<l Ills furlonlly.
The curiosity of the natives of Wild
countries as to everything belonging to
the traveler often leads to amusing sit
nations. Mr. .1. XV. Wells tells in “Three
Thousand Miles Through Brazil” of his
visit to one settlement where the ouly
shopkeeper of the place proved very
Inquisitive, lie was a frequent visitor
and would carefully examine the few
belongings of the traveler. His curios
ity was llnall.v punished in a very fun
ny manner.
On one of ids visits, writes Mr. Weils,
lie found my bottle of spirits of ammo
nia on the table, and, seeing it was
something in* had not hitherto inspect
ed, he naturally laid hold of it and
lisked of me, “What is this?”
“Only a medicine,” 1 replied, and
with a perhaps unworthy satisfaction
1 watched him hold it up to the light,
look at it all round and finally remove
the glass stopper and then take a good
sniff.
I had to rush forward to save my
precious ammonia, as he staggered and
gasped for breath and ejaculated, “I
am dying!” By dint of much slapping
of his back and dousing of cold water
lie quickly recovered, but nevermore
did he touch any of my things.
After Dluiifr Oratory.
Tho fnke humorous speaker lias an
easier career Ilian even the fake elo
quent speaker. Yet at any given din
ner the orator who passes out mere elo
cution to hU hearers has a success al
most ns Instant and splendid ns his
clowning brother. It is amazing what
things people will applaud when they
have the courage of each other’s inepti
tude. They will listen after dinner to
anything but reason. They prefer also
I he old speaker to new ones; they like
the familiar taps of humor, of elo
quence. If they have tasted the brew
before, they know what they are going
to get. The note of their mood is toler
ance, but tolerance of the accustomed,
the expected; not tolerance of the
novel, the surprising. They wish to be
at rest, and what taxes their minds mo
lests their intellectual repose. They do
not wish to climb any great heights to
reach the level of the orator.—W. 1>.
Howells in Harper’s.
A (Infer It die.
In University college, London, is a
singular object that is preserved care
fully in a remote gallery inside n glass
case, which again is contained In a
huge wooden cupboard, the doors of
which are locked and the keys in safe
custody. The relic which is thus so
zealously guarded is described in some
notes on the history of the college as
the “skeleton” of Jeremy Bentham,
“clad In the garments in which he
lived.” while his head only is stated to
have been “mummitled.” It lias always
been understood that Benthnm’s body
was embalmed, and in that ease it can
not be his mere skeleton which Is re
posing there under look and key.
Tut llnlnncrd It.
An Irish soldier attending school,
which Is compulsory when starting till
after an examination has taken place,
had great dltlieulty in bringing a sum
to the correct answer.
“You are a shilling out, Magee,” suld
the Inspector, “therefore you have
failed again.”
“Oeh,” said Tat, taking a shilling
from his pocket, "take this, and it’ll
make the sum right. Hurroo! Succeed
ed at last!”—Spare Moments.
Wonthvr n l)nmcrroun Topic.
Newltt Well, thorp's ono thing about
the weather—It's always a safe topic
of conversation.
Borrouglts 1 thought it was today
when 1 met Lendhaui, but when 1
started to speak of it he said, "Yes, it's
unsettled, and that reminds me of that
note of yours."—Philadelphia Press.
'lli#« UUnloniiry Apple Tree.
In the rectory garden of Pysford, near
Woking, Knglnnd. there stands what
is familiarly known as the missionary
apple tree. The tree is a large one and
of a good age and lias been so named
for the reason that for many years
past it has been the custom of the rec
tor of the parish to collect the fruit,
sell it in the best market and devote
the proceeds to the missionary socie
ties of the Church of Kngland. Quite a
; large sum of money has been raised
In this way. and the apples, which are
of the Blenheim orange variety, always
find a ready sale at excellent prices
among the gentry and farmers of the
district.
African Hiatlvea and Sail.
To obtain salt the Hakalulua and oth
er African natives burn banana leaves
and certain grasses and. collecting the
ashes, place them In a large funnel in
genlouslv made from large banana
leaves. Through this they percolate
water and then evaporate the filtered
water by boiling, obtaining a fairly
white salt composed of a very small
amount of chloride of sodium and a
very large amount of chlorate of potash
and other salts. Prior to the advent of
the traders and the missionaries tills
was the only salt they had to satisfy
the natural craving of a vegetable eat
lug people.
lukrpai-Hble \\ unit.
“Say." naked tUe foil faced man In
the hotel writing room. "How do you
spell 'unmitigated?' ”
"Why," replied the stranger next to
him, "It's u it-m-l t say. my friend, 1
wouldn't advise you to call a man a
liar of any sort In n letter. You'll get
yourself In trouble." — Philadelphia i
Pres*.
NOTHING EQUALS
DR. DAVID KENNEDY’S
FAVORITE REMEDY
SAYS ELIZABETH SKIDMORE. OF RAHWAY, N. J.
I used to bo troubled with most dreadful sick
headaches, and I suffered awfully," writes Eliza
beth Skidmore, of 1OJ Hazelwood Avenue, Rah
way, N .1 "One day X sent my sister to town
to Mr. Watson’s drug store to get me some medi
cine She had forgotten the kind I sent her for
and asked Mr. Watson what was good for sick
headaches. Ho recommended Dr. David Ken
nedy’s Favorite Remedy and she brought a bottle
home. I took a dose and it relieved me at once
and I have kept some in the house ever since ; the
whole family, one after another, got to using it
as a family medicine. As acathartic and a blood
purifier 1 have never seen anything to equal it
' and recommend it to ]>ersons needing such u
medicine.”
Dr. David Kennedy's Favorite Remedy is un
questionably thi' greatest medicine ever discover
ed for all diseases of the Kidneys, Liver, Bladder
i and Wood, anil it la thm only kidney medicine
that does not cunati ate.
It you miner from kidney, liver or bladder trouble in any form, diabetes,
Bright'* disease, rheiunatisin. dyspepsia, eczema or any form of blood disease, or,
> if a woman, from the sicknesses peculiar to your sex, and are not already con
vinced that Dr. David Kennedy's Favorite Remedy is the medicine you need, you
. may have a trial bottle, absolutely free, with a valuable medical pamphlet, by
j sending your name with ]s>st office address to the Dr. David Kennedy Corpora
tion, Rondout, N. Y , mentioning this paper.
■ Dr. David Kennedy’s Favorite Remedy is for sale by all druggists, at $1.00 a
bottle, or 0 bottles for $3.00—less than one cent a dose. » -
Hr. Dnrld Menard) '■ Salt lllo-imi trim cures Old Sorer, Skin, Itching orSerofaloaa Dire urn. roc
Now is the time to advertise
!
I
WE DO
ALL KINDS
OF
JOD PRINTING.
I
Now is the time to advertise
I
How Can 1 Keep Up with
the Times ?
IT is pretty hard to keep well informed on the
political news, the scientific news, the literary
news, the educational movements, the great
business developments, the hundreds of interesting
and valuable articles in the hundreds of excellent
magazines. About the only way it can be done by
the average busy man and woman is to read a
magazine like “ The Review of Reviews,” and, as
it is the only magazine of the sort, it is a good
thing to send $2.50 for a year's subscription.
PRESIDENT ROOSEVEI.T says
" 1 know that through its columns views have been pre
sented to me that 1 could not otherwise have had access tc ;
because all earnest and thoughtful men, no matter how widely
their ideas diverge, are given tree utterance in its columns.”
EX-PRESIDENT GROVER CLEVELAND says:
" I consider it a very valuable addition to my library.**
The Review of Reviews Co.
• 3 Astor Place. New York
Read The Review of Reviews
A KAZCH 3 EDGE.
Minnie Teeth. I.’.f Those (tf a Sate,
Make II* Keeimta...
The edge of a razor consists of In
numerable points or "teeth,” which if
the razor is of good material follow
each other throughout its whole length
; with great order and clearness. The
unbroken regularity of these minute
"teethf goes to make up the blade's
excessive keenness. The edge acts upon
the beard not so much by the direct ap
plication of weight or force as It does
by a slight “seesaw” movement, which
causes the successive “teeth” to act
rapidly on one certain part of the hairy
growtii. The best razors, according to
the inicroscopists, have the teeth of
their edges set as regularly as those of
a perfectly set saw.
This explains the magic effect of hot
water on the razor's blade—the act of
dipping it thoroughly cleansing the
teeth of any greasy or dirty substance
with which they may have been
clogged. Barbers often claim that ra
zors “get tired” of shaving and that
they will be all right after awhile if
permitted to take a rest. When In this
“tired” condition a microscopic exam
ination of the edge shows that con
stant stropping by the same person lias
! caused the teeth or libers of the edge
i to all arrange themselves in one direc
tion. A mouth of disuse causes tiieso
fine particles to rearrange themselves
so that they again present the hetero
geneous saw toothed edge. After this
I little recreation each particle of the flue
edge Is up and ready to support bis
i fellow, and It again takes some time
to spoil the grain of the blade.
Verdi Wa» HiKlit.
When Verdi was putting the last
touches to “II Trovatore,” lie was vis
ited In ids study by a privileged friend,
who was one of the ablest living mu
sicians and critics. Ho was permitted
to examine the score and run over the
"Anvil Chorus” on the pianoforte.
“What do you think of that?” asked
Verdi. ‘Trash.'” responded the con
noisseur. Verdi rubbed Ids hands and
chuckled. “Now look at this,” he said.
"Rubbish"’ said the other, rolling a
cigarette. The composer rose and em
braced him with a burst of Joy. “Whnt
do you mean?” asked the critic. “My
dear friend," cried Verdi, “I have been
making a popular opera. In it I re
solved to please everybody excopt the
purists, the great judges, the clas
sicists like you. Had 1 pleased you I
should have pleased no one else. What
you say assures me of success, in
three months ‘II Trovatore’ will be
sung and roared and whistled and bar
rel organed all over Italy.” And so it
proved.
A Safe Proceeding.
Lord Lyons, English minister at
Washington during the civil war nud
afterward ambassador to France, was
a diplomatist to the core, lie was ex
ceedingly tactful in action and had the
rare art of keeping his own counsel.
When Sir Edward lllount called upon
him one day at the embassy In Paris
he found that a well known Journalist
had preceded him. The visitor was lay
ing down tile law in a loud tone, and
when, after his departure. Sir Edward
was received, lie took the liberty of
saying:
“May 1 bo allowed to ask if it is quite
wise to discuss state secrets iu such a
loud tone? I heard every word that
was said, my lord, as I snt iu the ante
room.”
“Ah!” said Lord Lyons. “But even
then yon could not hear whnt 1 said,
for I said nothing.”—Youth’s Com
panion.
The Cherolceea anil Polytheism.
The Cherokee Indian was originally
a polytheist. To him the spirit world
was only a shadowy counterpart ot
this one. He had no great spirit, no
happy hunting ground, no heaven, no
hell—all of which ideas were llrst In
troduced to the American aborigines
by Christian missionaries. Consequent
ly death had for him no terrors, and he
awaited the Inevitable cud with no
anxiety as to the future. All Ills pray
ers were for temporal and tangible
blessings—for health, for long life, for
success In the chase, In tishlng, In war
and in love, for good crops, for protec
tion and for revenge.
Dream* I'.iplniurd.
"Dreams,” says an eminent lecturer
on theosophy, "consist of recollections
of the combined Impressions received
and workings of the physical and as
tral minds. The soul and subconscious
ness are Independently active, and it is
the confusion arising from the con
founding of the thoughts of the soul
with the exaggerated Interpretation of
Impressions received hy subconscious
ness which mokes it so often Impossi
ble to remember drenms.”
Softer,
"1 have no doubt you have heard
some stories to uiy discredit.” he said.
"I don't like to put it in that way,”
she quietly replied.
“How then?" he hopefully asked.
“1 have never heard any stories to
your credit,” said she.—Cleveland Plain
Dealer.
Preeoclons Youth.
Walter (aged tlvel—Papa, when 1
grow up may I get married?
Papa—My son, I regret to see you an
ticipate trouble so early In life.—Chica
go News.
One on the Minister.
Itev. Tubtliumer— I've beeu preaching
this morning to a congregation of asses.
Idly Sugars tick—Yes; 1 noticed you
called them "beloved brethren.”—Ally
Sloper.
After a man passes fifty lie finds ttiat
Ills hopes have to be Jacked up aud re
painted twice ns often ns ten yenrs be
fore.— Atchisou Globe.
Life Saving Device*.
Mimicry among butterflies, moths
and other bisects would lie comic wero
it not a matter of life or death. Not a
tew moths have at the hinder ends of
their wings a black mark and two or
more tails resembling the horns of their
own heads. A veteran in warfare not
seldom has these portions missing, a
proof of the value in having saved his
life. Thus the lizard's brittle tail,
which, tirst attracting the enemy,
comes off at his touch, lets his would
bo prey escape. When at bay, crabs
distract the enemy by throwing off
♦heir claws, and lobsters do the trick
more neatly by soiling the enemy with
u claw and then throwing off limb and
enemy. Thus the bushy tail of the
squirrel is accounted for. There is a
chance of escaping the enemy minus
only a mouthful of fur.
A Born Growler.
“How's all the folks?”
"All well, but—the measles is in the
neighborhood.”
"Well, you orter be thaukful you're
a-Hvln’.” * I
“I reckon so, but—we’ve all got to*
die.”— Atlanta Constitution.
INACTIVE OLD AGE.
Bforc CoiMlnolve to Urrarinrsi That
to Shorteniag Life.
Ther* is far more evidence for the be
lief in the dreariness of old age after
active work has been laid aside than
for the shortening of life which results
from the enforced inactivity. Two not
able Instances and perhaps freer from
doubt than most as to whether It Is en
nui alone that kills and not the disease
of old age or a more specific malady
are those of Napoleon the Great and
Bismarck. The one lived six years in
St. Helena, the other eight years at
Friedrichsruh, each "eating out his
heart.” If ever there were men who
ought on the supposition to have been
killed by the total suspension of their
activities, these two ought to have
been, hut it would be extremely diffi
cult to show that they were. Though
' Napoleon was no more than fifty-three,
1 vet It was the specific disease of cancer
! of the stomach of which he died, and
I the connection between his exiled lone
liness and the direct cause of his death
does not seem very apparent. On the
other hand. Bismarck at the nge of
seventy-five, when he was dismissed
from th«> chancellorship, could not have
had a likelihood of more prolonged
years than he actually achieved out of
office even if he had continued In office
until the end. A wise man if not too
dyspeptic will never lose touch with
actual life. There are old men with
young hearts, and the elder when he
has a young heart is perhaps the most
delightful type humanity can show us. .
—Saturday Review.
Freak of a ThnndprboK,
The ii min Is of a French academy of
science tell of a tailor’s ndventure with
a thunderbolt. He lived in a house pro
vided with two chimneys—one for a
fireplace and the other for a stove, the
latter not in use. During a thunder
storm a tremendous report was heard,
and everybody thought that the house
had been struck by lightning. Instant
ly a blue flaming ball dropped Into the |
fireplace and rolled out into the room,
seemingly about six inches above the
floor. The excited tailor ran around the
room, the ball of fire playing about his
feet. Suddenly it rose above his head
and moved off toward the stovepipe
hole in the celling, which had a piece
of paper pasted over it. The ball moved
straight through the paper and up the
chimney. When near the top, it ex
ploded and tore the chimney into thou
sands of fragments. The sight of the
debris left by the explosion showed the
family what would have been the con
sequences had it exploded while on its
gyrating passage through the room.
Learn From the Animal*.
I-earn of the animals. The horse
teaches us to be silent tinder punish
ment and patient in suffering. From
the lion we learn bravado. From the
eat we learn to prowl at night. From
the dog we learn how to be faithful to
a friend. The camel teaches us absti
nence. The elephant teaches us how to
be calm In adversity. The hippopota
mus tenches us repose. The shy little
rabbit teaches 11s how to die without a
murmur. The antelope teaches us the
foolishness of Idle curiosity. The hop
toad teaches us the evils of gluttony.
The ant teaches us Industry and wis
dom in council. The hen teaches us to
go in out of the wet (yet I have seen
fool hens which did not know the dif
ference between sunshine and raiut.
Some men might learn of hogs how to
lie gentlemen.—New Vork Press.
Fully Qualified.
The story is told of n man who 'tby
some uuaecountable blunder by the ap
pointing authority was made judgeiof
u minor court.
lie could neither read nor write, but
that did not give bint any uneasiness,
although It aroused some fears In the
breast of his wife.
“What are yt>u going to do when
there's any rending or writing comes
into cases?” she timidly inquired.
“The folks that bring the Tendin' will
read it, and the folks that want the
writin’ will write it,” calmly replied
his honor, "or if they ean't I shall com
mit ’em. All I've got to attend to, nit
ty, is the judgin’, and 1 can do that as
quick as anybody.”
The Worshln of the Moon.
The Moslem still slaps his hands at
the sight of the new moon and mutters
a prayer, although the Koran appears
to forbid the practice in the words,
“Bend not In adoration of the sun or
moon.” Herodotus accuses the ancient
Persians of being moon worshipers,
and, though they denied the practice,
the following passage from the Zend
Avesta would seem to be conclusive:
“We sacrifice to the new ion, the
holy and master of hollnc ve sacri
fice to the full moon, the I and mas
ter of holiness."
Puuctiinllfy it Tlilef of Time.
Mr. Max Heclit writes: “On Thurs
day of last week at 3:30, the hour fixed
for the rehearsal of ’Trial by Jury,’ I
met Mr. Gilbert nt the stage door of
the Lyric and congratulated him on his
punctuality. 'Don’t,' he replied, q have
lost more time through betug punctual
than through anything else.’ ’'--London
m. a. r.
Initials.
Enrolling Officer—What Is your name?
lteeruit—Owen Espy Casey.
Enrolling Officer (with evident irrita
tion)—Shoot a few of those Initials!
O. N. S. 1*. K. C. what?—Chicago Trib
I une.
Sore Thini;.
“Name the world's greatest com
poser,” said tlie musical instructor.
"Chloroform,” promptly replied the
young man who had studied medicine.
If society took better care of its poor
out of jail there would be less need of
jails or jailers.—Boston Trnnseript.
An Oheilleot Dor
Papa—Where is my new pipe?
Small Son—I—I broke it.
rapa—See here! 1 told you that if
you took my pipe again to blow bub
bles with I'd whip you.
Small Son—I wasn't biowlu’ bubbles
with it. I was only smokin’ it.
ChrMli 1.1 to Saving.
Bill—The lifesaver has a thankless
task.
Job—Why, 1 saw a man offer him a
dollar yesterday for saving his life.
Bill—Perhaps that was all he thought
it was worth.—Town and Country.
Gettlug Even.
Mrs. von Blumer—We must have the
Ciggshys to dinner. We owe them one.
Von Blumer—Of course. We passed
an awful dull evening there, and it is
l nothing more than right that they
should pass one here.—Brooklyn Life.
Hjiklng It Eiujr,
“You never allow yourself to read a
book until you have read a review of
It? Why Is that?"
“Well. I prefer to use only predigest'
id mental food.”
The S. E.Large School of Shorthand 9 Typewriting
OFFERS EDUCATIONAL ADVANTAGES THAT ARE
DISTINCTLY FIRST-CLASS.
The principal of this school brings to
his work wide practical experience as a ste
nographer, and exceptional ability as anin
structor backed by an established reputation
for doing
THOROUGHLY, SKILLFULLY, AND CONSCIENTIOUSLY
all he undertakes to do.
For Eighteen Years Principal Teacher of
the Shorthand Department of the Stewart busi
ness College. Has prepared more successful
stenographers than any teacher that has ever
taught stenography in this section of the
country.
Advantages that are positively guaranteed
to the student:
High-Grade Technical Instruction,
Every possible personal encouragement,
A Shorthand preparation that will meet the
requirements of the better paying positions
in the business community.
Prospects flattering. Seatiig capacity
1imited.
Now is the time to enroll.
School term begins Monday, Sept. 1, 1902.
For further particulars, address
S. E. LARC: Principal,
4 S. Broad St. , Trenton, N. J.
THE LAIBERTVILLE RECORD
JOB PRINTINC
DEPARTMENT
is in the front rank of up-to-date printing establishments.
With new material, all the latest designs and faces of type
and modern labor-saving devices, we are prepared to do
ALL KINDS OF JOB PRINTING
from a card to a newspaper, artistically, promptly and at
fair prices.
eesce
BOOKS,
PAMPHLETS,
LEGAL BLANKS,
POSTERS,
CIRCULARS,
CARDS,
PARTY INVITATIONS,
WEDDING STATIONERY,
ilytiDllCTt
BILL HEADS,
STATEMENTS,
NOTE HEADS,
ENVELOPES,
ADVERTISING NOVELTIES,
LEDGERS,
BLANK BOOKS, Etc.
SCHOOL COMMENCEMENT INVITATIONS.
v^m wvTm
Cheap and mean-looking work disgraces a reputable business
house. Get your printing done by an office that has a reputation at
stake.
Printing that pays and does credit to the user is the kind that every
business man should have. We endeavor to do this kind and at as wlo
rates as creditable work can be done by any one.
UCCE33 CAN BE ACHIEVED
fl In flnu Business bu
w Untiring Industry,
^ Careful Economy,
AND
Judicious Advertising.
Ji^ FJoad to Opulei^ee Ijes ^rjee-Deep JJ?rou$f?
priij^r’s li?K*