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THIRTY-FOURTH YEAR. LAMBERTVILLE, N. J., WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 5, 1908. WHOLE NO. 1840 THE WOODPECKER Gasoline : Engine Controversy between Sammy B'Otvn and wife on Gasoline Fin gine : • Sav, Mother, we have just had one of the worst troub les down to the barn you ever saw.” • What is the matter now Sammy?” "Why the horses got vvr VIVM.UMI v»l| UM. tlliu I Mill IJHIV IIIMM' clear off; hurt one of his hind leas so he cannot stand on it ’• "Dangerous business." "Why, Mother, that Billy horse is worth more than an engine and I don’t propose to have such a thing happen again. I am going to wiite to Barton Huffman, Ringoes, right away and see if we can make a deal on a Woodpecker Engine.” “Well, Sammy, don’t you think you ought to see some other in ikes before you hu\ one?” “No. If a man is prejudiced, a single glance at the Woodpecker will convince him that it is what he wants. Why, they are the simplest affair in the engine kind I have ever seen, there is nothin’ of it. Say, Mother, they are good starters and that is one of the main features about an engine. You don't have to throw your coat to start a Woodpecker, never. They will go every time, hot or cold, wet or dry." Say, Sammy, what does one like that cost ?’• ‘‘Oh, I a.n’t got no time to talk. I’m goin' to see Mr. Huff, man right away and if he has any in stock I’m goin’ to bring one home with me before they get gone or 1 II have jo wait for one." P. S.—Don’t use a good horse on the horse-power until he gets hurt. Buy a Woodpecker Engine and do a sate business. They are all right; anout one hundred in the county proves it. I have them in stock. BARTON HUFFMAN, Ringoes Roller Mill. Ill\(joEH, N. .1. Jan. Pth, 1«0S. AMWELL NATIONAL BANK, LAMBERTVILLE, N. J. CAPITAL .... $72,OCO 00 SURPLUS AND UNDIVIDED PROFITS - 72,000 00 SAVINGS DEPARTMENT. Three per cent, interest paid on sums of $5.00 and over if deposited one or more calendar months. Certificates of Deposit issued beating interest at the rate of 3 per cent, per annum. Transacts a general banking business and invites Individual and Commercial accounts. E. H. HOLCOMBE, Real Estate and Insurance Solliday Building, Cor. Bridge and Onion Streets Real Estate Bought, Sold and Exchanged. First-class Fire InNurance at Reasonable Kates. Agent for Est* of Oeo. M. Holcombe, dec'll Bargains for Investors or home buyers on easy terms to close estate. A. D. ANDERSON, Counselor-at-Law, Solicitor, Master in Chancery and Notary Public. Office—83 Bridge etreet. Lumber tvie, N. J. W. F. HAYHURST, Counscllor-at- Law, •Solicitor, Master in Chancery and Notary Public. 61 NORTH UNION STREET, Lambcrtville, N. J. F. W. LARISON, Physician and Surgeon, Corner Main and Jefferson streets, Lambcrtville, N. J. W. P. THORNTON, RUBBER STAMPS, 46 BUTTONWOOD fcJTKEET Dealer in Fine Rubber Printing stamps, Wai Beals, oeal Tresses, Burning Brands and otenciis. Catalogue for the asking. al-08. J. K. l_ABAW, Funeral Director & Upholsterer All kinds of furniture repaired. Work and prices guaranteed to give s&tit* faction. Might Bell on office door. No. 04 NORTH UNION STREET,] Lambcrtville, N, J. JOHN C. MOORE, Fire Insurance Agent, •4 mat oat Sr., UAttmt/tTviLLC. REPRESENTING THE UNION INSURANCE COMPANY 0f PHILADELPHIA Thin t, on, of tha tbj best CompunlM. I nTT- fluid tine* organization. 1004, onr IIMOOJIOO. ' Bates as low as can be written by any islln Mt sniwiT JOHN KOWISKI, C MERCHANT TAILOR. ) 3 SOUTH BROAD ST. THIRD FLOOR. TRENTON. N. J. We make a specially of Cleaning and liepairing Men’s, Woman’s and Child ren’s Garments. Tbe “John Ha; Junior" CIGAR IS ENDORSED BY CRITICAL SMOKERS AS ONE OF THE BEST SMOKES. New Shapes Just out. Large and Small Sizes. Fully Guaranteed. J. 3T. MEGINNES, Mfg’r. Representative for Eastern Territory. No. 199 N. Uuion Street, LAMBEKTVILLE, N. J. Tbe Morris Comity Swines Bank MORRISTOWN NEW JERSEY 68th Semi-Annual Dividend Notice The Managers of this Bank have ordered paid from the earnings of the business for the Six Mouths Ending l)«c. Hint, 1007. t > the depositors entitled thereto under the By-Laws, a semi-annual interest dividend as follows: 1st. At the rate of FOUR per A /W centum per annum on all accounts A fJL-a from iMw to $i,uou and on the 71 J first $i.'00 of all larger accounts. »nd. At the rate of Thr-e per centum (3 per cent.) per annnm on the excess of tl.uoo up to and including the sum of $*.onoOt> 3d. At tbe rate of Tw*» per centum (8 per cent) per annum on the excess over $<."00. Fayable on and after January 8ist, 1908. Deposit# mad-- oa or before the third day of any mouth draw Interest fr«#m the first day of such month. Correspondence solicited. Bank open daily from » a. m. to 3 r. m. except on .Saturdays and Holidays. On Saturdays from 0 a x. to 18 o'clock noon. PHILANDER PIERSON, Pucsiocnt HORACE S. WOLFE, Hew asiTnih. SPELLING NAMES. There Wag No Doubt About "Hannah** When the English Lady Finished. A bygone Re tit'ration witnessed an ecrimonious controversy in the Irish family of O’Conor In County Roscom mon ns to the right of any branch of the ancieut race to spell the nam° thus—with one *,u.” That right. It was maintained, was held only by the O'Conor Don as head of the house. Fo prolonged was the contest between the partisans of the O’Conor and O’Connor titles that It was called the "X-Iess” (standing for •‘endless’b cor respondence. Finally the question was referred to Sir ,1. lleruard Iturke, the l ister king of arms. His decision coincided with a decision in a certain other matter—namely, that much might be said on either side. The two dis puting families had a common origin, a king of Connaught, and could with propriety aud In accordance with tra dition spell the name one way or the other. Fort Hied by this "award.” the two families have continued to spelt their name with one "n” up to the present hour. Equally firm on the question as t* how his uame should lie Med was the witness in a case trL . In the king's bench a few years ago. Asked . his name, his prompt reply w’as "John ’Awkins." "Do you," queried counsel, I "spell your name with or without an | fl?" The emphatic answer was. ' "J-o-h-n." As a rule, however, as we have said, variety in the spelling of the names of people, as In that of the names of places, owes Its origin to people not being so clear as was our friend regarding how a name should be spelled. Two stories iu Illustration of this occur to us. Iu tin* first Mrs. Quiver ful was having christened her latest naby. The old minister was a little deaf. "What name did you say?” lie queried. "I said." replied the mother, with some asperity. •‘Hannah.” "Do you.” said the other, "mean Anns \r Hannah?” "Look ’ore.” exclaimed the* now thoroughly exasperated lady, "1 won't be hexainiued In this way. I mean Haitcli-hay-hen-hen-hay-haltelf— Hannah!" Tin* second Incident to which we re fer Is this. Here also there was "a lady In the case.” She was on an er rand. and she had to deal with the name of another party. In brief, she had1 bought a pair of sleeve links for her fiance when the shopman asked, “A Initials, miss?” The rest may lit stated thus: She—Oh. yes; I forgot. Kngrave a “U” upon them for Ills first name. Shopman—Tardon me. Is It Uriah or Ulysses? Names with “U" are rare, you know. She (proudly*—Ills name Is Eugene. Loudon Globe. “MOLL PITCHER” Hiatory of the Famous Here.no of the Revolution. “Moll Pitcher” was the daughter of u Pennsylvania German family living In the vicinity of Carlisle. She was born in 1748, and her name was Mary Ludwig, a pure Genuau name. She was married to one John Casper Hayes, a barber, who when the war broke out with the mother country en listed iu the First Pennsylvania artil lery and was afterward transferred to the Seventh Pennsylvania infantry, commanded by Colonel William Irvine of Carlisle, with whose family Mary Ludwig hud lived at service. She was permitted to accompany her husband's regiment, serving the battery as cook and laundress, and when at the battle of Monmouth (Freehold). N. J.. her husband was wounded at his guu she sprang forward, seized the rammer uud tc»ok his place to the end of the battle. After the battle she carried water to the wounded, anu hence her pet name of “Moll Pitcher. ’ Hayes died after the war was over, and she married a second husband of the name of McCauley, and at her grave in the old cemetery at Carlisle there Is a monument that l>ears this Inscription. “i Molly McCauley. Renowned In History its "Molly Pilcher." the Heroine of Monmouth: tiled January. 183.1 Erected by the Citizens of Cumber land County. July i, 187ti. On Washington's birthday. lK'-t”. tv hull Molly tvuM nearly seventy years old. the legislature of l'enusylvanlu voted Uer u gift of $-40 and a pension of $4(i per year. An Auditive Illusion. “What town Is that a few miles to the north?" shouted the aeronaut, lean ing over the edge of the basket. “Oshkosh!" yelled the agriculturist over whose farm the balloon was pass log. "What?" "Oshkosh!" “What did he say?" asked the aero nau ;'s companion. "He didn't say anything, lie swore at me.”—Chicago Tribune. Tolcranco. George Eliot was once asked whut was the chief lesson she had learned in life's experience, anil her prompt answer was. “Tolerance.” It might have been expected from a woman who once said that she regarded life as a game of cards In which she watch ed each move with the deepest Interest anil turned as far as possible to her own advantage. Common Factors. Schoolmaster—Now. can any of yon tell tne whether there is a connecting link between the animal and vegetable king loins? Small Boy —Yes. sir, please; there's bash'.—London Opinion. Jolting tho Grandad. A fond grandfather and father were admiring the new- baby Pond Grand father I declare! That youngster Is a great deal more Intelligent than you were at his age. Insulted Father— Naturally : he has a great deal brighter father!—Life. A More Painting. She—Why. no The stolen Gains borough was not a bat—it wus a pic ture. Her Husband—Ob. I thought from the value that It wii a bat — Tosm and Country. RILEY’S FIRST HI! Wrote a Poem "by Poe” and Palmea It on the Public. i James Whitcomb Klley Iiegun Ills ca reer in a uewspaper office in Anderson, lnd., by writing humorous rhymes as "advertising locals" — "doggerel” he called them. At the same time he wrote many rhymes with the serious Intention of having them. If possible, recognized as poems. Hut he could not get them published. Even composi tions whose worth he had tested those that "would please people when I’d stand up and read ’em to them" would be returned promptly by every maga zinc to which he offered them for pub Heat Ion. The Booster dialect was toe "low down" for the average magazine iniltor. Finally In a freak of boyish Indigna tion. to prove that what editors really wanted was uot originality, but Imita tion. he devised the scheme of writing a poem In Imitation of Foe and of palming it off on the public as a real poem of Foe’s receutly discovered. The scheme was very skillfully planned and very deftly executed and success ful beyond auything the clever deviser of it had ever dreamed. From one end of tlie country to the other "Leonainle" was hailed as a veritable "tiiid.” a bit of genius' most genuine ore. Ulley had his revenge lie had some trouble, however, iu proving that lie was not an Intentional forger. lie lost his newspaper position, but he Immediately got another and better one on the Indianapolis Journal. "Come and get pay for your work.” said Judge Martiudale. the editor. The turn iu the tide had come. A BORN SOLDIER Major Genoral Stuart, the Dashing Cavalry Leader. Mujor (tenoral J. K. B Stuart of the Confederate cavalry was a soldier by nature Dashing and daring, cool In the face of danger, he was one of the brave and picturesque figures of the civil war. II. B. McClellan quotes in “Life and Campaigns of Major (ieneral Stuart" from (ieneral Pitz-Uiigh Lee’s Impression of the future cavalry lead er while he was still at West Point: "I recall his distinguishing charac- j terlstles. which were strict attention to | military duty; erect, soldierly bearing; immediate and almost thankful accept auce of a challenge to tight from any cadet who might feel himself In any way aggrieved and a clear, ringing voice.” Stuart was a most cheerful soldier That “clear” voice of his was often used in singing his favorite war song If you want to have a good time, Jlne the cavalry. ills courageous attitude was held until the very end. He was wounded by a pistol on the battletleld. As he was being carried away he noticed the disorganized ranks of his retreating uieu. "(Jo back!” he called out. “(Jo back' Do your duty as 1 have done mine! (Jo back! I’d rather die than be whip pod!” Those were his last words on the Held of battle. Later he said, with tin same courage: ‘Tin going fast now. God’s will la done " Bungle's Bad Break. Mr Bungle always takes n deep and sympathetic Interest In the welfare of his fellow man. While out for a stroll one day he met a friend, who seemed In a great hurry. “Hold on. Jones.” said Bungle, grab bing his friend’s arm. “Why this rush?” "Bungle.” said Jones, removing his hat and wiping his brow. 'Tin hot foot ing it to a specialist. I believe tn.v brain Is affected.” Mr. Bungle, to allay the fears of his friend and show the customary com miseration. said Jovially: “Pshaw. Jones, you shouldn’t worry about such a little thing ns that!” "Wh-hat?” “I moan you shouldn't let such a lit tie tiling ns your brain—that is. Mr Jones, you shouldn’t get so excited over nothing—of course—nh. good day. Mr Jones!”—Bohemian. Teaching the Drummer. It was the custom In the* days of our old navy for the men to bring to tin* mast all the wornout articles which were to tie Inspected, handed In and ex changed for new. The drummer had applied for so many drum heads that the commodore felt sure* he was being imposed upon and one day set himself to watch while the band was playing As one rattling martial air followed an other his anger Increased perceptibly until he burst forth In uncontrollable rage: “There, now. confound you! I see why you use so many drum heads Don't drum In the middle of It all the time. Drum all over that drum. I tell you!" Plants That Hate One Another. Fancy two plants being so unfriend ly that the mere neighborhood of one Is death to the other Yet this Is the case with two well known English plants. These are the thistle and the rape. If a field Is Infested with this tles which come up year after year and ruin the crops, all you have to do is to sow It with rape. The thistle will be absolutely annihilated. MAGAZINE READERS SUNSET MAGAZINE beautifully tilurtrated, food stone* and articles about California aad all the far West TOWN AND COUNTNY JOURNAL a monthly publication devoted to the farming of the West $1.50 • year $0.50 a year ROAD DP A THOUSAND WONDERS a book of 75 pages, containing 120 colored photograph* of 7^ picturesque spots in California and Oregon. Total • • • $2.75 All (or. $1.50 Cut out this advertisement and scad with $130 to SUNSET MAGAZINE JAMES FLOOD BLDG . SAN FRAI.QSCO ANIMAL TAILS. The Functions of Those of Cats. Lions and Jaguars. A cat never actually wags its tall. Why should It when It can pur? Hut nevertheless It seems to serve the same purpose In permitting a temporary ex penditure of excess uervous energy when the animal is under great strain For instance, when carefully stalking i bird or a man. as in the case of a kitten or a lion, the tip of the tail is never still for a tuomeut—ever curling and uncurling. We may compare this to the nervous tapping of the foot or lingers In a man. When an angry lion is roaring his loudest, hk^ tail will fre quently lash from side to side, giving rise among the ancients to the belief that he scourged his body with a hook or thorn which grew from the end of the tail. When a jaguar walks along a slen der bough or a house cat perambulates the top of a board fence, we perceive another important function of the tail, that of an aid in balancing As a tight rope performer sways his pole, so the feline shifts its tail to preserve the center of gravity. The tall of a sheep seems to be of little use to its owner, although In the breed which Is found In Asia Minor and on the tablelands of Tartary. this organ functions us a storehouse of fat and sometimes reaches a weight of fifty pounds. When viewed from be hind. the animal seems ull tall, and when this appendage reaches Its full size It Is either fastened between two sticks which drag on the ground or It Is suspended on two small wheels.—C. William Heels* In Outing Magazine. BUSHRANGERS. The Most Noted of the Later Day Out laws In Australia. Bushrangers were originally run away eonvlcts who took to tin* “hush.” as Australians call the backwoods, and hccaine holdup men. About the year lS.’lO the bushraliters la*eame so numerous that they fought regular en gagements with posses and soldiers sent out to capture them, and this form of crime continued sporadically until within recent years. The most famous of later rangers were the Kel ly brothers. After many daring crimes and hairbreadth escapes the Kellys actually held up the entire village of Jerllderle. N. S. \V . which had a pop ulation of 1*00. Ned Kelly looted the bank of $10,000. while his three pals held the men of the village cooped up In their homes. Although there was a special Imshranglng act In force at the time authorizing the detention of per sons supposed to be In communication with the outlaws, the Kellys were not heard of again for nearly a year, when they "stuck up" the small town of Glenrowan. In Victoria. Here they were brought to bay. and three of the desperadoes were shot dead In a house they had barricaded, while the lender. Ned Kelly, was brought to the ground with a bullet through the legs, lie was hanged in 1880. All four of the men were In the habit of wearing an armor made of plowshares and weigh ing almost a hundred pounds.—New York Amcrlcuu. An Outrageous Slandering. The public may not know the good story, which has been a Joy for many a long day among musicians, which tells how a celebrated conductor, ad mired and beloved by every one who knows him. accused Ids wife lu broken English of conduct the reverse of ad mirable. to put It mildly, lie was re fusing an invitation to an afternoon party for her on the plea of her deli cate health, but be evidently got a lit tle mixed during bis explanations, for he made the following astounding statement, which was news Indeed to the world In general: “My wife lies In thp afternoon. If she does not He, then she swindles!" N. B. — "Scliwlndeln" Is the equiva lent In German for "feeling giddy.”— Corn hill Magnzlue. Thoughtful. There is an elderly business man of Cleveland of whom friends tell a story amusingly Illustrating Ills excessively methodical manner of conducting both his business and his domestic affairs. The Clevelander married a young wo man living In a town not far away. On the evening of the ceremony the pro spective bridegroom, being detained by an unexpected and important matter of business, missed the train he had In tended to take In order that he might reach the abode of bis bride at 7 o’clock, the hour set for the wedding True to Ills instincts, the* careful Cleve lander Immediately repaired to the tele graph office, from which to dispatch a message to the lady. It read: “Don't marry till I come. Howard.Har per's Weekly. Acting Like a Man. The curtain had Just gone down on the second act. leaving the heroine In the villain's clutches. Up In the balco ny a sentimental woman burst Into tears. “Don’t cry. dear." said her husband. “Remember. It's only a play. Act like a man!" “Very well. John.’’ said tbe Indy, smiling through her tears. “You'll ex cuse me for a moment, won’t you? I must run out and send a telegram."— Bohemian. The Trouble With Carr. “I rather like your friend.’* Mrs. Page said graciously after Carr hud gone home He Is good looking and agreeable, but you can’t call him a brilliant conversationalist. The Law ton girls talked nil round him." “Unfortunately." replied Mr. Page. “Carr cannot talk on a subject unless ha knows something about it ” The Average Man. “Pa, v.hat's an average man?" “One who has a sneaking suspicion that he lias qualities which make him superior to anybody else.’’—Chicago Tribune * _ The Judge’s Advantage. “There is one advantage which a Judge always has in his profession." ••What is that?" “Whether he succeeds In a given case ; or not. he can uiways try It/’—Kansas | City Independent LINCOLN'S JOKE. Fixing the Rssponsibi’ity For the Los* of Harpers Ferry. ProFlrtent Lincoln’s jokes, especially when perpetrated In connection with grave matters, usually had a purpose In them. After Lee had taken Har pers Ferry the president, realizing how I’Mt a calamity ‘t was to the north ern arms. determined If possible to tlx Hie responsibility for the loss of the important position. 11alleck was summoned, but did not know where the blame lay. “Very well." said Lincoln, "lil ask General Selienek." The latter could throw no light upon the question, further than to say that lie was not to blame. Mil roy was the next to be called to tin* presence of the commander in chief and to enter a plea of “not guilty." Hooker was next glveu a hearing, and “Fighting Joe" made a very emphatic disclaimer of all responsibility. Then the president assembled the four generals in his room and said to them: “Gentlemen. Harpers Ferry was surrendered and none of you, it seems, is responsible. I am very anxious to discover the man who Is." After strid ing across the room several times the president suddenly threw up Ids bow ed head and exclaimed: “1 have it! I know who Is responsible!" "Who, Mr President; who is It?" asked the distinguished quartet as they looked anxious, if not troubled. "Gentlemen," said the president, with a meaning twinkle In his eye. “General Lee Is the man." There was a lack of mirth In the laugh created, and the four generals took their departure with a determina tion that they would not agaiu he placed under suspicion. SLEEP MYSTERIES. Tasks Often Performed While the Worker S’umbcrs. A psychologist whs discussing the miracles of sleep. “One can become so accustomed.” he said, “to a monotonous task that one can fall asleep and still keep on work ing. Thus In India there are punka coolies, men who turn a fan all night long in the hot weather while their English masters rest, and it is not tin common for a punka cooly to acquire the knack of sleeping at ills task. On and on lie sleeps through the hot. per fumed hours of the Indian night, hut his hand mechanically and steadily turns the punka pulley. “Men have composed great literary works in their sleep. Coleridge’s ‘Ru bin Khan’ Is the most famous example of this: but. then. Coleridge was a raorphinomnnlac. and his sleep was scarcely natural. But U L. Stevenson. Corelli and Longfellow have also done good work while sleeping. “Divers sometimes full asleep deoii down In the sea. but some unknown part of their brain keeps watch, and at the proper moment, though asleep they give the order to lie hauled up This is a good deal like the miracle that happens to all of us- the miracle whereby If we tell ourselves on rellr Ing that we must wake at 7 we In variably do wake at that hour-how or why It Is Impossible to say. Some part of us watches, works, keeps awake all night, so that at 7 It may call us.”— New Orleans Tlnies-Demo crat. Penny For a Priceloss Book. A workingman once purchased for n penny an aged looking volume bearing date of 1540. The until tried to read It, hut threw up the attempt apparent ly In disgust, and the volume was rele gated to the clipboard. A friend of his happened to see tin* book mid took It to the British museum authorities, who promptly made an ofTor of £00. the highest sum the librarian Is allow ed to expend without a special vote of the trustees. Had the man known what he wus about he would have stood out for more, as the authorities would have paid almost any price rath er than ullow the volume to slip through their fingers. It was, in fact, the first hook printed by Gutenberg and was therefore ulmost priceless.— London Tit-Bits. Improved on Solomon. Id n certain Sunday school a little girl told the story of Solomon and the disputing mothers in this wise: “Solo mon was a very wise man. One day two women went to ldni. quarreling about a baby. One woman said. ‘This is my child,’ and the other woman said. ‘No. ’taln’t; It’s mine.' Hut Solo mon spoke up and said: ‘No. no. la dies; don’t quarrel, (live me my sword, and I'll make twins of him, so you can both have one.’ ’’ At a Disadvantage. Bacon—Would you call him a good talker? Egbert—No, I would not. “How many times have you heard him talk?” “Only once.” “Ami when was that?” “When he was trying to open a car window."—Yonkers Statesman Had a Woman to Blame. “I have had dreadful luck. This morning I dropped m.v spectacles, and my wife stepped on them.” "That’s what I cull good Mick. If I had dropped mine. I should have step ped on them myself."—Chicago Rec ord-Herald. The Poet Antwerod. “Do you know that I was born on the same day Emerson died?" “Both events being a cruel misfor tune to literature." Bohemian He hurts the good who spares the bud.— Pope. Riding the Rail. A Georgia paper says, “lie who rides on the rail courts death.” It was an Irishman, ridden on a rail, who said that except for the honor of the thing he would Just us soon walk.— Houston F’ost. It Wia There. Composer—Did you hear the torment and despair In my tone poem, “Tan talus," that I Just playtfd you? Lis tener—No, but I noticed them on the faces of the audience.—Fliegeude Biat FRESH INSPIRATION Napoleon and His Attitude Toward the Common Soldier. Napoleon understood human nature. I lie recognized the great truth, “Ah a man tbiuketh in his heart so Is he.” and knew how to applj It not only to himself and his own ambitious proj* . rets, but to other men as well. More- j ever, lie knew precisely the right mo- ! ment to apply It to quicken the spark j of divine energy which smolders in i a very man, although the ashes of fa tigue and failure may cover Its light temporarily. A French soldier carried a dispatch to Napoleon, .lust as lie delivered it into the hands of the emperor his spent horse dropped dead. Nnpoleou wrote an answer to the dispatch, then, dismounting from his own horse, he handed the bridle to the soldier. “Take this horse and ride back, coin rude.” he said. “Nay. sire." stammered 1he soldier, gazing at the blooded horse and its trappings. “It Is too magnlticent and grand for me, a common soldier.” “Take It!" commanded Napoloou. “There Is nothing loo grand and mag nificent for a soldier of France.” The soldier mounted and rode away on Ids perilous business, ready and willing, and Napoleon’s words, repeat ed through the ranks and eoluraus of his army, gave to Ills tired troops fresh Inspiration and energy. “Noth lug too grand and magnificent for n soldier of France!” they said, and the thought that they were worthy of the best inspired them to the mighty deed* which followed. WIFELY ORDERS. Two Men Obeyed Them, but the Third Man Balked. “Three men sat rather late ut the club one ulght,” said the man who I.s responsible for the story. “As they were separating they discussed a little nervously the receptions that awaited them ut their wives' hands and agreed that he who didn't do what Ids wife told him on getting home should have to treat the others to a turkey dinner. The tlrst man after reaching Ids house stumbled about the dark bedroom till ho kicked the cat. The cat squalled, and the man’s wife, raising her head from the pillow, moaned, ‘Well, go on; kill the poor cat and have done with It.' The man frowned and muttered to j himself, ‘It Is a case of kill the eat or pay for the dinner.’ So he killed the cat. “The second mau on his arrival could not find any matches. As he looked for some In the drawing room he bumped against the piano, and his wife complained, ‘Why don’t you break the piano, careless?’ Determined not to lose bis bet, the man got a hatchet, and the sound of crashing blows soon Idled the house. “The third nmn, getting home, stum bled on the way upstairs. Ills wife screamed angrily, ‘(So on, fall down stairs and break your neck, do!’ ‘Not me,’ said the third man after a mo ment’s thought, i’ll pay for the turkey dinner.’ Chicago News. A Merchant’s Memory. Among (he characteristics which made for the success of Mr. A. T. Stewart, the great New York mer chant, says Richard Lathers In his “Reminiscences,’’ was an extraordina ry memory for the details of his vast business. One day as Mr. and Mrs. Luthers were leaving the store Mr. Stewart ac costed them at the door. ‘i hope, Mrs. Lathers, you have found what you want,” he said. “No, Mr. Stewart,” she replied. “I want a very plain brussels carpet for a small library, a light color with a small blue figure. You have u great variety, but nothing Just like that.’* “I am quite sure we have that exact description,’’ he said, and, turning to u clerk, added: “(Jo to the third lloor and get out from the last Invoice of carpets No. “200. I think the style and pattern will Just suit Mrs. Luth ers." To the amazement of the shopper !t proved to be the very thing she was looking for. Consider the Birds of the Air. An eminent ornithologist culls atten tion to the fact that a crane can travel through the air a thousand miles a day without Happing Ms wings, but by merely keeping them stretched and ad justed to the prevailing breezes, a hawk can stay In the air for days and weeks, moving with Its wings motion less. It Is Hu* same with the gulls and numerous other winged creatures. In studying tlie science of aerostatics con sider the birds of the ulr. Boston Her ald. For Wintor Use. A lady farmer planted a garden. She was very proud of her prospective peas, but when her husband asked If they were ripe she said, “Oh, they haven’t come up yet!” “Haven’t come up yet? Why, the season’s nearly over!” “Yes,” she said, “but I planted can ned peas. I think they come up n lit tle late.” New York Times. The Attraction of Chess Problems. The mere player who has never ex perienced the magnetic attraction of problems cannot fully realize the feel ing of Joy and satisfaction from solv ing some masterpiece, the work of a famous composer. There can be no doubt that solving problems, especially from diagrams. Is an intellectual amusement and that the study of prob lems tends to accuracy of analysis, quickens the perception and strength ens the chess faculties generally and may occasionally impart some of those sparkling ideas which are so sudly needed In ordinary play.—Strand Mag nzlne. Riot of Joy Proffered. A tramp applied for help at a house In the country. The kind hearted mis tress made it a rule never to turn any away empty handed. “Here’s a dime for you. my man.” she said “I'm not giving It to you for charity’s sake, but merely because it pleases me.” ‘Thankee.” said the man. “but couldn’t you make It a quarter and eu joy yourself thoroughly, mum?”—Phila delphia Ledger. THE WATERMELON. Africa Is the Original Home of This Luscious Fruit. The humorists always associate the African with the watermelon, assum ing that the taste of the colored man for his favorite dainty arises from his life In tlie southern states, where the melon vine grows like a weed. As n fact, however, the African taste for the watermelon Is hereditary. The flue Is a native of Africa, where It Is found wild In the great central plains of the continent, and has also been cultivated for many ages. In Kgypt the melons grown along the Nile rival those of southeastern Mis souri. The melons mentioned by the Israel ites as being among the good things they had In Kgypt were undoubtedly watermelons, for Iti the wall paintings about the time of the exodus the melon vine Is represented, and In one case a long procession of sluves Is depicted, each bearing on his shoulder a huge dark green watermelon. Hotanists say that varieties of the melon are found in southern Asia, and some even claim that the plant grows wild In central and South Africa, bat Africa Is no doubt the original home of the melon, and In his preference over every other kind of vegetable or fruit the African merely displays a taste that has become fixed In his race by thousands of years of indulgence, for lu central Africa ripe watermelons are to be had every month in the year. —Detroit News-Tribune. HORNET SENTINELS. It Would Seem That Theaa Intacta Keep Guard Over the Neata. Is a hornets' nest guarded by senti nels, after the manner of ant hlllsT It Is not so easy to decide, for their private habits do not Invite familiar approach. Ilut some experiments seemed to point that way. No noises, however near or strident, had the least effect upon the workers. Blow on divers instruments as loudly and shrilly ns 1 would, they poured In and out of the gate or labored oti the walls. Intent wholly upon their own affairs. But at the slightest Jar upon the win dow or shutter, out flew a bevy of Irate Insects and (lung themselves against the wire window screen with an angry "bump" thnt showed how good was their Intention at least to de fend their home. It was nlwnys so. A squad of workers, free and ready for aggressive duty, seemed to be lurking near the gate, prompt to sally forth upon alarm. Even at night a few kept near by, and. although their port had lost Its vicious swing and they moved about with sluggish pace, like sleepy watchmen, as doubtless they were, they left upon the observer the Impres sion that they were on sentinel serv ice, In which the commuulty was never lacking.—Dr II. C. McCook In Har per's Magazine. Repartee of the 8hop, “I never was so Insulted In my life!” Raid the girl with the brown eyes In dignantly. "Explain further," was the request. “Why. you know l-’ldo chewed up the muff to thnt set of gray furs of mine, and so I went Into a shop today to see If 1 could And a muff that would re place It. I told the clerk what I want ed. lie couldn't And anything that would suit, so he called another clerk. Tills one hunted high and low. he drag ged out muffs till they heaped the coun ter, lad he couldn’t And one thnt would match. Finally he called the proprie tor, a fat, stuffy man, who came wad dling down the aisle and said, ‘What Is the trouble?’ " ‘I can’t moke a match,’ I said al most tearfully. “ 'Why, that's funny,’ he said In a hatefully patronizing manner. ‘What's the matter with the men?’ ’’—New York Michelangelo. Mtchclnngclo stood In the front rank both ii m imlntcr unil sculptor. In both arts ho was worthy of the high est praise. The fresco of the "Last Judgment” In the Slstlnc chapel is considered the most wonderful picture In the world, showing the omnipotence of artistic science and the fiery daring of conception that but few other paint ings can even approximate. In sculp ture the “Moses” and the "Slaves," not to mention other pieces, rang among the finest creations of the art and pro claim Michelangelo to have been as masterful with Ills chisel as he was with his brush.—New York American. Teacher—Freddy Faugle, you may give the Oerman uaine of the river Danube. Freddy—Dunno. Teacher—Donau! That is right I tin glad yon have studied your lesson so well. Freddy Is surprised, but keeps still. —Exchange Strike from mankind the principle of faith and men would have no more history than a flock of sheep.—Lytton. Never was good work done without touch trouble.—Chinese Proverb Why Refer to Doctors Because we make medicines for them. We tell them all about Ayer’s Cherry Pectoral, and they prescribe it for coughs, colds, bronchitis, con sumption. They trust it. Then you can afford to trust it. Ask your own doctor. Tha bast kind oi a testimonial— “Sold lor over sixty years.” A Surprise. Wa h». bo saerots! Wa publish til. formulas of all our msdleiass. PuirSrwBSTncTttMMCham si in nreaklnf up • CM.