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NO CHANCE TO GO WRONG Statement of Beauty Doctor May Have Been True, but It Was Not Gallant. William F. Oldham, bishop of Sing apore, talked at a dinner, on his last visit to Now York, about missionary •work. “A certain type of man,” he said, "goes about declaring that we dom inant races civilize the savage out of existence—that we do them harm in stead of good. “Well, as a matter of fact, if these cavaliers knew what I know about some tribes, they would speak less confidently. Some tribes are so de based that to do they anything but good would hardly bo possible. They aro, in fact, just like the ugly wom an who visited the beauty doctor. "This woman was ugly in every fea ture, but her nose was particularly ugly. That, no doubt, was why she desired the beauty doctor to begin on it. " ‘I am willing,’ she said, ‘to pay i you liberally, doctor, but I demand In return substantial results. We will start with my nose. Can you guar antee to make it ideally beautiful?’ “The doctor, after looking attentive ly at the woman’s nose, replied: “ 'Well, madam, I can’t say as to ideal beauty, but a nose like yours I couldn’t help Improving if I hit it with a mallet.’ ” THEN THEY FIRED HIM. Customer (in book store)—Have you : k Chaucer? New Clerk—Never chewed in my 1 life, sir. The Stylish Fisherman. One of the guests at a fashionable summer resort in West Virginia got iilmself up in his best "fishing togs and and started along a certain mountain •tream. Meeting a native, he asked: "Here, my good man! Kindly tell me whether It would be worth my while to try fishing in this vicinity." The native regarded him scornfully. ‘The flshin’ ain’t good,” he finally said, “but I ain't informed as to how you values your time.”—Llppincott’s. Tit for Tat. “Miss Bings,” stammered the young man, “I called on you last night did I not?” "What an odd question! Of course, you did." “W-w-well, I just wanted to say that If I proposed to you I was drunk.” “To ease your mind, I will say that If I accepted you I was crazy.—Judge. -\ There Are Reasons Why so many people jj have ready - at - hand a package of Post Toasties The DISTINCTIVE FLAVOUR delights the palate. The quick, easy serving right from the package— requiring only the addition of cream or good milk is an important consideration when breakfast must be ready "on time.” The sweet, crisp food is universally liked by child ren, and is a great help to Mothers who must give to the youngsters something wholesome that they relish. The economical feature appeals to everyone—par- \ ticularly those who wish to keep living expenses within a limit. Post Toasties are espe cially pleasing served with fresh sliced peaches. "The Memory Lingers” v* Posum Or**Vr C<k. Ltd. Battle Creek, Mich. ! a Modern City ~j*&±/Cf-"i?jeA4&TME-NT, &O£-rv03 a I r<?s. THE city of Buenos Aires, cap ital of the Argentine Repub lic, has an estimated popula tion of 1,300,000 inhabitants. The rate of increase has been close to five per cent, from year to year, and promises to raise above this owing to circumstances that are naturally and artificially advanta geous. This growth of the city is high as compared to other important cities of both Europe and America, surpassing even every city in the United States except Chicago. The reasons for this increase can ,be traced to three causes. The first is the steady stream of immigration which flows from other countries to ward the River Platte; in 1907 329,122 individuals landed at the port; of these 209,113 were immigrants arriv ing for settlement wihln the coun try. The nationality of these embryo cit izens is of great interest: Italy and Spain send the largest proportion, but Russia, Syria, France, Astralia, Ger many, Great Britain and Portugal each send over 1,000; every country tn Europe offers some contribution, all divisions of Africa and many of the Latin-American republics are repre sented, while North America, China ind Japan and Africa help to swell the total. Not all of these immigrants become residents of Buenos Aires, some going further into the Interior, and a measurable proportion re turning to their oversea homes (of course this does not imply that the tame individuals come and go, but mmigration usually surpasses emigra tion by certain fairly accurate fig ares) ; the result, however, is that up ward .of 100,000 immigrants are added each ear in the population. The Birth Rate High. The second cause is the high birth rate enjoyed by Buenos Aires, for sev eral years this has been steadily maintained at close to 35 per 1,000. This Is twice as high as that of Paris, half again as high as that of London, higher than that of New York, and surpassed by the birthrate of Nuremberg, Germany, only. The chief cause is'the low death rate of the city in which respect It compares very favorably with all the cities of the civilized world, being lower than that of Paris and New York, and higher than that of London, Edinburg, Berlin and Hamburg. The results in the reduction of the death rate are due unmistakably to the great prog ress made by the municipality of Bue-* nos Aires in all details of improving the hygiene of the city. Buenos Aires is both a municipality and the capital of the Argentine re public, and as such has an organiza tion as a city as well as an Intimate connection with the federal govern ment The latter association is main tained by means of an official called the intendente (municipal), who Is ap pointed by the president (poder ejecu tivo) of the republic, subject to the approval of the national senate, for a term of four years, and who receives a salary. He performs to a great de gree the function of mayor In any North American city, and is to a large extent amenable to the rules of the deliberate council. Through him municipal matters are presented to the national assembly whenever nec essary, and he likewise, as representa tive of the nation, Is empowered, act ing thus through the minister of the interior, to present to the municipali ty whatever business has originated in congress.- Other manifestations of this dual character of the city are to be found in the direction of the police and fire departments, which are under the control of, and the expense of which are met by, the federal govern ment. Certain factors of the educa tional system, and likewise the sani tary regulations of the city, carried out by means of a national depart ment of hygiene and a municipal de partment of public service—the Aslst ancia Publics—are partly national In character. These Institutions will be examined later. How the City Is Governed. The city, municipality Itself, is di vided Into 20 parishes (parroqulas), corresponding to the wards of a North American city. From these par ishes, on basis of population, repre sentatives are chosen by ballot of the citizens to form a body called the Concejo Deliberante, corresponding in most details to our common council. These officials serve without pay for a term o. four years, one-half of their number being elected every two years, however. This so-called delib erative body chooses from among its members a president These officials serve as provisional substitutes for the intendente whenever occasion re aulres. The great departments of the muni cipal government may be classified as follows: Finance, which includes- the functions usually understood in such a department; public works, having charge of municipal buildings, water supply, sewers, streets, paving, re pairing and opening of streets and al leys, administration of building laws, control of public markets, bridges, parks, squares and monuments; se curity and hygiene, giving particular attention to buildings like theaters, where public meetings are held; street cleaning, food supplies, regula tion of weights and measures, certain authority over hospitals and asylums, prevention or control of epidemics and the municipal side of the public relief service. Rules for the preservation of public morality are enforced through this department. A law department is also maintained. Buenos Aires Is about equal In size to Washington, D. C. (which in this respect Is coextensive with the Dis trict of Columbia), but smaller than London, Marseilles or Manchester, Greater New York, New Orleans, Phil adelphia and Chicago, and larger than Paris, Berlin or Vienna. Ample prep aration has been mado for future growth, because the o£>en spaces, ex clusive of an extensive park system, will permit a much greater population than lives at present within Its con fines. In the city ten years ago there were 55,000 houses; 64,000 building permits were Issued since then to 1906; and in 1907 there were 14,489 building permits issued, which is the highest figure reached in the city’s history. The city Is laid out on the rectangu lar plan, each square measuring 130 meters (almost 400 feet) on a side. The rectangular pattern is more evi dent away from the older portion of the city, where, despite the radical improvements within the past genera tion, some irregularity was unavoida bly left Every corner of street inter sections is marked in clear letters by the name of the street easily readable by the foot passengers; street num bering is on the century system. At the end of 1907, 7,000,000 square yards of pavement had been laid, the most generally used being granite blocks with mortar foundation, stone, wooden blocks, macadam and asphalt. Over 300 Streets. The number of individual streets passes the 300 mark, but some of the longest have separate names for sep arate sections. If extended In a straight line they would measure about 600 miles. Many of them are fine, broad avenues 100 feet or more in width, only a few of the narrow passages of the earlier city being left after the reconstruction of the city irom 1889 onward. The municipal revenue is derived from many of the same sources that furnish funds to all cities. Among the sources of revenue included under the tax lists are Imposts upon street cars, carriages, dogs, theaters, billiard halls, telegraph and telephone messages, the use of spaces beneath city streets, on provisions and wagons conveying them about the city, peddlers, hotels and such public houses, cellars, etc. Such a special taxation as cities in the United States Impose upon what are here called saloons, the intent of which is often qnlte as much for the purpose of prohibition as It is to raise revenue, is not applied !n Buenos Aires, because the people are, in the main, temperate, and the business of dispensing J>eer, wine or stronger al coholic drink Is .not so specialized there. Many shops s$U drinkables, but saloons or barrooms are to be found only In the congested center of the city, where foreign habits have popularized themselves in a cosmo politan sense. ''wKwWVi The kins' of Annam had a wife— (In fact, he had a hundred, And sometimes when he thought on lift He wondered if he’d blundered.) The king of Annam had a wife, Her name was Puttater, Her face was like a carving knife, The color of a gaiter. The king of Annam used to call His wives to him and scan ’em And sigh to think he’d cornered all The talk there was in Annam. Puttater, though—(we set this down Without a thought of malice Could make him shudder ’neath his crown. For she would rule the palace. Talk of the king of Annnm’s might! Puttater’s moods were flighty, And were she either wrong or right, This queen was Annamighty! The king he trembled at her feet And vowed no queen was greater; He craftily said she was sweet— He called her "sweet Puttater!" But still she ruled as palace boss And still the poor king trembled, And while in truth he oft was cross. With cunning he dissembled Until at last he planned a way To stop the royal broiler; He said: "Broiled, fried or consomme. She'll be, or else we'll boll ’er!” He called the stately palace chef And wrote his list of dishes, Because the chef was slightly deaf And could not hear his wishes. The chef obeyed the hungry king, He made sauce for Puttater, Who always was a saucy thing. And then the glad king ate 'er. He ate his sweet Puttater, yes! But now the cables tell us The king exists in much distress— Puttater was so jealous That even when she had been cooked, In truth, had ceased from being. Her temper still would not be brooked She went on disagreeing. He Won. To while away the tedium of the railway trip, the excursionists chipped in and formed a pool. The money was to go to the pas senger who could prove his claim to the most unique distinction. One after another set up some claim and enumerated the points in its favor, but none seemed particularly to im press the Judges until a gentleman arose and said: “Myself, my wife and eight children are going to the country to spend a month with relatives.” "Huh!" observed several of those present. “So are all the rest of us.” “But,” argues the claimant, “here is the letter inviting us to come, and even the most casual inspection of the letter will prove that it was entirely unsolicited.” I _ _ Much in a Name. “I hear you won a big sum on the last race.” “Yes; I had a hot tip on Politician.’' “Politician? Why, I was told not tc risk any money on him.” “So was I. But I knew it was safe to play him for place.” The Puzzled Dog. “I know that my ancestors brought the fleas When they were out with Noah in the ark. But will you kindly tell me, If you please, If it was they, or Noah, brought the bark?” Explanation Offered. "This pie,” said the young husband, looking at his wife with a peculiar light in his eye, “this pumpkin pie is not a bit like the ones mother used to bake.” “Oh, it isn’t?” she spiffed. "Well, maybe you had better go—” "No, it isn’t.” he Interrupted. "I can cut this one.” Mean Old Thing. “Your wife," says one of the men in the background, “seems greatly pre occupied tonight.” “Yes,” answers the husband. "I didn’t want her to hear what I was telling you, so I whispered to her that her hat was not on straight.” “Merchandise of Integrity.” ** Onyx” Hosiery We are carrying a line of the “Onyx’’ Hosiery in cotton, lisle, silk lisles, and pure silk. Our prices are never higher than city prices, and in many cases less. The "LION BRAND” Shirts, Collars and Caffs are made for each other. The man who wears a “Lion Brand" Shirt and Collar has no shirt troubles. The line is at its best now R. & G. CORSETS are made for the most discriminating trade. These models are the latest. R. & G. Corsets are made to fit you. If we haven’t your particular style in stock we will gladly get it for you. Every Corset guaranteed. Bonbons French Balbriggan Underwear • for men is better than most others. We only get one shipment a year. They come in long or short sleeve and reg. or “stout” drawers. “ B. V. D ” UNDERWEAR is popular. We carry in 2-piece suits or combination. Our stock of EMBROIDERIES AND LACES are worthy of your notice. We are ready for spring business and solicit a portion of your trade. j S. A. FINGER, Agt. N. UNION STREET, LAMBERTVILLE. N. J. EASY HOUSECLEANING Clean your house with our VACUUM CLEANER. -A Moderate Sized House can be Cleaned in a Day TERMS $1.50 A DAY LAMBERTYILLE HEAT, LIGHT AND POWER CO. H. M. MOORHEAD, Gen’l Mgr, Some like the EDISON and some like VICTOR. Both are the highest grade TALK ING MACHINE. We have a full line of both the Edison and Victor Machines and Records which we will cheerfully play for you at our store. You may purchase them on the easy payment plan, and there is nothing you can place in your home that will make it more cheerful than one of these splendid machines. ESTF'Y • We have a full line of the renowned ESTEY PIANOS andr Organs, which are known the world over. We also have a full line of Violins, Bows, Mandolins, Guitars, Banjos, Harmonicas and Accordeons and strings for all musical instruments. We have several second hand pianos and organs, which have been put in good condition, at a low figure. Tuning and repairing. Holcombe’s Music House, 36 N. UNION ST., LAMBERTVILLE, N. J.