NO CHANCE TO GO WRONG
Statement of Beauty Doctor May Have
Been True, but It Was Not
Gallant.
William F. Oldham, bishop of Sing
apore, talked at a dinner, on his last
visit to Now York, about missionary
•work.
“A certain type of man,” he said,
"goes about declaring that we dom
inant races civilize the savage out of
existence—that we do them harm in
stead of good.
“Well, as a matter of fact, if these
cavaliers knew what I know about
some tribes, they would speak less
confidently. Some tribes are so de
based that to do they anything but
good would hardly bo possible. They
aro, in fact, just like the ugly wom
an who visited the beauty doctor.
"This woman was ugly in every fea
ture, but her nose was particularly
ugly. That, no doubt, was why she
desired the beauty doctor to begin
on it.
" ‘I am willing,’ she said, ‘to pay i
you liberally, doctor, but I demand In
return substantial results. We will
start with my nose. Can you guar
antee to make it ideally beautiful?’
“The doctor, after looking attentive
ly at the woman’s nose, replied:
“ 'Well, madam, I can’t say as to
ideal beauty, but a nose like yours I
couldn’t help Improving if I hit it with
a mallet.’ ”
THEN THEY FIRED HIM.
Customer (in book store)—Have you :
k Chaucer?
New Clerk—Never chewed in my 1
life, sir.
The Stylish Fisherman.
One of the guests at a fashionable
summer resort in West Virginia got
iilmself up in his best "fishing togs and
and started along a certain mountain
•tream.
Meeting a native, he asked: "Here,
my good man! Kindly tell me whether
It would be worth my while to try
fishing in this vicinity."
The native regarded him scornfully.
‘The flshin’ ain’t good,” he finally said,
“but I ain't informed as to how you
values your time.”—Llppincott’s.
Tit for Tat.
“Miss Bings,” stammered the young
man, “I called on you last night did I
not?”
"What an odd question! Of course,
you did."
“W-w-well, I just wanted to say that
If I proposed to you I was drunk.”
“To ease your mind, I will say that
If I accepted you I was crazy.—Judge.
-\
There Are
Reasons
Why so many people jj
have ready - at - hand a
package of
Post
Toasties
The DISTINCTIVE
FLAVOUR delights
the palate.
The quick, easy serving
right from the package—
requiring only the addition
of cream or good milk is
an important consideration
when breakfast must be
ready "on time.”
The sweet, crisp food is
universally liked by child
ren, and is a great help to
Mothers who must give to
the youngsters something
wholesome that they relish.
The economical feature
appeals to everyone—par- \
ticularly those who wish
to keep living expenses
within a limit.
Post Toasties are espe
cially pleasing served with
fresh sliced peaches.
"The Memory Lingers”
v*
Posum Or**Vr C<k. Ltd.
Battle Creek, Mich.
!
a Modern City
~j*&±/Cf-"i?jeA4&TME-NT, &O£-rv03 a I r<?s.
THE city of Buenos Aires, cap
ital of the Argentine Repub
lic, has an estimated popula
tion of 1,300,000 inhabitants.
The rate of increase has been
close to five per cent, from year to
year, and promises to raise above
this owing to circumstances that are
naturally and artificially advanta
geous. This growth of the city is
high as compared to other important
cities of both Europe and America,
surpassing even every city in the
United States except Chicago. The
reasons for this increase can ,be
traced to three causes. The first is
the steady stream of immigration
which flows from other countries to
ward the River Platte; in 1907 329,122
individuals landed at the port; of
these 209,113 were immigrants arriv
ing for settlement wihln the coun
try.
The nationality of these embryo cit
izens is of great interest: Italy and
Spain send the largest proportion, but
Russia, Syria, France, Astralia, Ger
many, Great Britain and Portugal
each send over 1,000; every country
tn Europe offers some contribution, all
divisions of Africa and many of the
Latin-American republics are repre
sented, while North America, China
ind Japan and Africa help to swell
the total. Not all of these immigrants
become residents of Buenos Aires,
some going further into the Interior,
and a measurable proportion re
turning to their oversea homes (of
course this does not imply that the
tame individuals come and go, but
mmigration usually surpasses emigra
tion by certain fairly accurate fig
ares) ; the result, however, is that up
ward .of 100,000 immigrants are added
each ear in the population.
The Birth Rate High.
The second cause is the high birth
rate enjoyed by Buenos Aires, for sev
eral years this has been steadily
maintained at close to 35 per 1,000.
This Is twice as high as that of
Paris, half again as high as that of
London, higher than that of New
York, and surpassed by the birthrate
of Nuremberg, Germany, only. The
chief cause is'the low death rate of
the city in which respect It compares
very favorably with all the cities of
the civilized world, being lower than
that of Paris and New York, and
higher than that of London, Edinburg,
Berlin and Hamburg. The results in
the reduction of the death rate are
due unmistakably to the great prog
ress made by the municipality of Bue-*
nos Aires in all details of improving
the hygiene of the city.
Buenos Aires is both a municipality
and the capital of the Argentine re
public, and as such has an organiza
tion as a city as well as an Intimate
connection with the federal govern
ment The latter association is main
tained by means of an official called
the intendente (municipal), who Is ap
pointed by the president (poder ejecu
tivo) of the republic, subject to the
approval of the national senate, for a
term of four years, and who receives
a salary. He performs to a great de
gree the function of mayor In any
North American city, and is to a
large extent amenable to the rules of
the deliberate council. Through him
municipal matters are presented to
the national assembly whenever nec
essary, and he likewise, as representa
tive of the nation, Is empowered, act
ing thus through the minister of the
interior, to present to the municipali
ty whatever business has originated
in congress.- Other manifestations of
this dual character of the city are to
be found in the direction of the police
and fire departments, which are under
the control of, and the expense of
which are met by, the federal govern
ment. Certain factors of the educa
tional system, and likewise the sani
tary regulations of the city, carried
out by means of a national depart
ment of hygiene and a municipal de
partment of public service—the Aslst
ancia Publics—are partly national In
character. These Institutions will be
examined later.
How the City Is Governed.
The city, municipality Itself, is di
vided Into 20 parishes (parroqulas),
corresponding to the wards of a
North American city. From these par
ishes, on basis of population, repre
sentatives are chosen by ballot of the
citizens to form a body called the
Concejo Deliberante, corresponding in
most details to our common council.
These officials serve without pay for
a term o. four years, one-half of their
number being elected every two
years, however. This so-called delib
erative body chooses from among its
members a president These officials
serve as provisional substitutes for
the intendente whenever occasion re
aulres.
The great departments of the muni
cipal government may be classified as
follows: Finance, which includes- the
functions usually understood in such
a department; public works, having
charge of municipal buildings, water
supply, sewers, streets, paving, re
pairing and opening of streets and al
leys, administration of building laws,
control of public markets, bridges,
parks, squares and monuments; se
curity and hygiene, giving particular
attention to buildings like theaters,
where public meetings are held;
street cleaning, food supplies, regula
tion of weights and measures, certain
authority over hospitals and asylums,
prevention or control of epidemics and
the municipal side of the public relief
service. Rules for the preservation of
public morality are enforced through
this department. A law department is
also maintained.
Buenos Aires Is about equal In size
to Washington, D. C. (which in this
respect Is coextensive with the Dis
trict of Columbia), but smaller than
London, Marseilles or Manchester,
Greater New York, New Orleans, Phil
adelphia and Chicago, and larger than
Paris, Berlin or Vienna. Ample prep
aration has been mado for future
growth, because the o£>en spaces, ex
clusive of an extensive park system,
will permit a much greater population
than lives at present within Its con
fines. In the city ten years ago there
were 55,000 houses; 64,000 building
permits were Issued since then to
1906; and in 1907 there were 14,489
building permits issued, which is the
highest figure reached in the city’s
history.
The city Is laid out on the rectangu
lar plan, each square measuring 130
meters (almost 400 feet) on a side.
The rectangular pattern is more evi
dent away from the older portion of
the city, where, despite the radical
improvements within the past genera
tion, some irregularity was unavoida
bly left Every corner of street inter
sections is marked in clear letters by
the name of the street easily readable
by the foot passengers; street num
bering is on the century system. At
the end of 1907, 7,000,000 square yards
of pavement had been laid, the most
generally used being granite blocks
with mortar foundation, stone, wooden
blocks, macadam and asphalt.
Over 300 Streets.
The number of individual streets
passes the 300 mark, but some of the
longest have separate names for sep
arate sections. If extended In a
straight line they would measure
about 600 miles. Many of them are
fine, broad avenues 100 feet or more
in width, only a few of the narrow
passages of the earlier city being left
after the reconstruction of the city
irom 1889 onward.
The municipal revenue is derived
from many of the same sources that
furnish funds to all cities. Among the
sources of revenue included under the
tax lists are Imposts upon street cars,
carriages, dogs, theaters, billiard halls,
telegraph and telephone messages,
the use of spaces beneath city streets,
on provisions and wagons conveying
them about the city, peddlers, hotels
and such public houses, cellars, etc.
Such a special taxation as cities in
the United States Impose upon what
are here called saloons, the intent of
which is often qnlte as much for the
purpose of prohibition as It is to raise
revenue, is not applied !n Buenos
Aires, because the people are, in the
main, temperate, and the business of
dispensing J>eer, wine or stronger al
coholic drink Is .not so specialized
there. Many shops s$U drinkables,
but saloons or barrooms are to be
found only In the congested center of
the city, where foreign habits have
popularized themselves in a cosmo
politan sense.
''wKwWVi
The kins' of Annam had a wife—
(In fact, he had a hundred,
And sometimes when he thought on lift
He wondered if he’d blundered.)
The king of Annam had a wife,
Her name was Puttater,
Her face was like a carving knife,
The color of a gaiter.
The king of Annam used to call
His wives to him and scan ’em
And sigh to think he’d cornered all
The talk there was in Annam.
Puttater, though—(we set this down
Without a thought of malice
Could make him shudder ’neath his
crown.
For she would rule the palace.
Talk of the king of Annnm’s might!
Puttater’s moods were flighty,
And were she either wrong or right,
This queen was Annamighty!
The king he trembled at her feet
And vowed no queen was greater;
He craftily said she was sweet—
He called her "sweet Puttater!"
But still she ruled as palace boss
And still the poor king trembled,
And while in truth he oft was cross.
With cunning he dissembled
Until at last he planned a way
To stop the royal broiler;
He said: "Broiled, fried or consomme.
She'll be, or else we'll boll ’er!”
He called the stately palace chef
And wrote his list of dishes,
Because the chef was slightly deaf
And could not hear his wishes.
The chef obeyed the hungry king,
He made sauce for Puttater,
Who always was a saucy thing.
And then the glad king ate 'er.
He ate his sweet Puttater, yes!
But now the cables tell us
The king exists in much distress—
Puttater was so jealous
That even when she had been cooked,
In truth, had ceased from being.
Her temper still would not be brooked
She went on disagreeing.
He Won.
To while away the tedium of the
railway trip, the excursionists chipped
in and formed a pool.
The money was to go to the pas
senger who could prove his claim to
the most unique distinction.
One after another set up some claim
and enumerated the points in its favor,
but none seemed particularly to im
press the Judges until a gentleman
arose and said:
“Myself, my wife and eight children
are going to the country to spend a
month with relatives.”
"Huh!" observed several of those
present. “So are all the rest of us.”
“But,” argues the claimant, “here
is the letter inviting us to come, and
even the most casual inspection of the
letter will prove that it was entirely
unsolicited.”
I _ _
Much in a Name.
“I hear you won a big sum on the
last race.”
“Yes; I had a hot tip on Politician.’'
“Politician? Why, I was told not tc
risk any money on him.”
“So was I. But I knew it was safe
to play him for place.”
The Puzzled Dog.
“I know that my ancestors brought the
fleas
When they were out with Noah in the
ark.
But will you kindly tell me, If you please,
If it was they, or Noah, brought the
bark?”
Explanation Offered.
"This pie,” said the young husband,
looking at his wife with a peculiar
light in his eye, “this pumpkin pie is
not a bit like the ones mother used
to bake.”
“Oh, it isn’t?” she spiffed. "Well,
maybe you had better go—”
"No, it isn’t.” he Interrupted. "I
can cut this one.”
Mean Old Thing.
“Your wife," says one of the men in
the background, “seems greatly pre
occupied tonight.”
“Yes,” answers the husband. "I
didn’t want her to hear what I was
telling you, so I whispered to her that
her hat was not on straight.”
“Merchandise of Integrity.”
** Onyx” Hosiery
We are carrying a line of the
“Onyx’’ Hosiery in cotton,
lisle, silk lisles, and pure silk.
Our prices are never higher
than city prices, and in many
cases less.
The "LION BRAND” Shirts, Collars and Caffs
are made for each other. The man who wears a “Lion Brand"
Shirt and Collar has no shirt troubles. The line is at its best now
R. & G. CORSETS
are made for the most discriminating trade. These models are the
latest. R. & G. Corsets are made to fit you. If we haven’t your
particular style in stock we will gladly get it for you. Every
Corset guaranteed.
Bonbons French Balbriggan Underwear
• for men is better than most others. We only get one shipment a
year. They come in long or short sleeve and reg. or “stout”
drawers.
“ B. V. D ” UNDERWEAR is popular. We carry in 2-piece
suits or combination.
Our stock of EMBROIDERIES AND LACES are worthy of your
notice.
We are ready for spring business and solicit a portion of your
trade. j
S. A. FINGER, Agt.
N. UNION STREET, LAMBERTVILLE. N. J.
EASY
HOUSECLEANING
Clean your house with our
VACUUM CLEANER.
-A Moderate Sized House can be Cleaned in a Day
TERMS $1.50 A DAY
LAMBERTYILLE HEAT, LIGHT AND POWER CO.
H. M. MOORHEAD, Gen’l Mgr,
Some like the EDISON and some like
VICTOR. Both are the highest grade TALK
ING MACHINE. We have a full line of both
the Edison and Victor Machines and Records
which we will cheerfully play for you at our
store. You may purchase them on the easy
payment plan, and there is nothing you can
place in your home that will make it more
cheerful than one of these splendid machines.
ESTF'Y •
We have a full line of the renowned
ESTEY PIANOS andr Organs, which are
known the world over. We also have a full
line of Violins, Bows, Mandolins, Guitars,
Banjos, Harmonicas and Accordeons and
strings for all musical instruments. We
have several second hand pianos and organs,
which have been put in good condition, at a
low figure. Tuning and repairing.
Holcombe’s Music House,
36 N. UNION ST., LAMBERTVILLE, N. J.