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The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, February 10, 1876, Image 1

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HENRY A. PARSONS, Jr., Editor and Publisher.
. NIL DESPERANDUM.
Two Dollars per Annum.
VOL. V.
1UDGWAY, ELK COUNTY, PA., THUltSDAY, FEMIUA11Y 10, 1876.
NO. 51,
If They Kncw.lt.
If little flowers knew it,
The sorrow on my hart,
Their tears with tnioe wonld me it,
And less would be the smart.
If nightingales could know it,
My trouble and my grief,
They wonld sing me to undo it
A musical relief.
The golden stars and tender,
If they could know my paiu,
Would step from out their splendor
To bring mo pesos again.
They know it by no token
Only one knows and she
Herself it is has broken
And torn my heart for me."
THE DYING OUTLAW.
A True Btory.
My pauds are almost run. My lamp of
life is faintly flickering in its socket. I
have escaped once more the hounds of
justice, but they have given me my
death wound; and ere the rising sun
reaches his meridian I shall have looked
my last on earth.
A few more pulsations of the heart,
and this old mountain cavern, which
has been the scene of so many wild
riots and midnight orgies, whose deep
est recesses have often rung with the
loud shouts of revelry, and the hoarse
cry of rage, shall become my tomb. A
few more labored breaths and this deep
strong voice, which has so long been
used to command a ruffian crew, shall
become silent forever. Oh, earth, thou
hast never seemed so dear 1 Oh,, life,
thou hast never been so sweet as now I
Yet, why should I seek to prolong a
life so fraught with peril, so abandoned,
so futile, so profligate. Already fifty
years have gone over me, and how have
I consumed them f Whom have I be
friended ? Whose distress have I re
lieved ? Whose conditions have I
bettered ? Whose grief have I palli
ated t or what tone of pity ever moved
my heart The last twenty years I have
passed ns chief of a bold and reckless
gang of robbers and desperadoes, who
have long infested tbis region, ravaging
villas, plundering houses, waylaying
ud robbing the luckless traveler by
uight and by day, sparing no rank,
heeding no cry, hearing no prayer.
For twenty years I have been branded
a felon, and hunted like a beast of prey.
Large rewards have been offered for my
capture, and troops of armed men have
scoured the country in search of my
" stronghold. And many a brave fellow
has been hurried to his last account
while daring to search for my retreat
among the mountain passes. Thus far
I have baffled all pursuit, and our ren
dezvous has remained a secret with the
gang. But to-day, after a desperate
conflict with a body of troops, the last
of the band has been slain or captured,
aud I have escaped only to die in soli
tude. Oh, how miserable a life I have ledl
I would not recall the past, but it will
pass in review before, me. Gladly
would I draw the veil over all save that
of early life, which rises before me like
a blissful vision, rendered tenfold lovely
by the sweet faoe of my sainted mother,
radiaut with love for her merry happy
boy.
Ah, those were halcyon days days in
which my mother strove to guide me in
the way of truth aud virtue; and with
tho sacred volume open ou her lap, oft
drew me to her side, placed her soft
hand upon my boyish head, and toying
with my curly locks, taught me from
its priceless pages, urged me to obey its
precepts, aud emulate the wise and
good whose names were written there;
then with a kiss upon my ruddy cheek,
told me how much it would solace her
declining years should I become a man
of houor, truth and worth.
I grew to manhood; and then my
mother's teachings were unheeded and
forgotten. I formed evil associations, I
drunk, I gambled, I fell.
One drear and starless night I robbed
a traveler on the moor; tightly clutch
ing his purse of gold, I hurried to my
chamber, snatched a bundle from a re-
cess, crept softly down the stairway,
gained the bedside of my mother, press-
-ed one last kiss upon her wrinkled
brow, and, receiving a murmured "God
bless you " from her dreaming lips, fled,
and never saw her more. When she
heard of my guilt, with a bitter wail she
sank beneath the stroke, and they laid
her in tho valley.
For two years I traversed the conti
nent, roving from place to place with
i o definite aim or object except to con
ceal my crime. I had gold, but there
was a curse on every farthing. I drank
from every cup of pleasure which human
ingenuity could prepare; but terror
ond remorse embittered every draught.
The grim aud relentless phantom which
ever follows guilt pursued me every
where. At length I joined a band of
brigands, shared their peril and their
plunder, and, by my daring and success,
ere log became their leader, and thus a
source of fear am. apprehension to the
peaceful traveler, of dread and anxiety
to the quiet home.
in various guises I frequented so
ciety, moving in the higher circles as a
foreigner of rank and wealth. I sat at
the festive board of merchant princes, I
chatted in the drawing-rooms of the
richest nobles of the land. I danced in
halls where pride and beauty met. I
whirled in tho giddy waltz with diamond
decked belles, who never dreamed their
gallant, dark eyed partner was the dar
ing robber chief.
Once, while on a brief visit to a pretty
rural village, I rescued a beautiful peas
ant girl from drowning ; and as 1 bore
her fainting form to the cottage of her
widowed mother, near at hand, I thought
I had never seen a-, face of such marvel-
ous beauty and loveliness. Being re
" stored to consciousness and learning
the situation she thanked me with such
a depth cf earnestness and sincerity,
and such a look of gratitude, as thrilled
' me with exquisite joy. I requested
permission to call next day, which was
' granted, and thus began an acquaint
ance; which grew to friendship and
ripened into love. I became a daily
visitor at the Cottage. I found her in
telligent and educated beyond most of
her clans ; artless and pure as the tin
designing infant.
" Oh I how bitterly my conscience
hardened though it was reproved me
for the deception I praoticed. Ignorant
of the deceit and craftiness of the world,
she placed implicit trust in me, believing
me the soul of honor. Ah 1 little did
she think as we rambled in the leafy
grove, or sat beneath the spreading vine;
as we strolled beside the moonlight
stream, or lingered near the cottage
door, that her tall and conrteous com
panion, in whom she plaoed such child
like trust, was the bold outlaw of the
Alps.
I told her I had rank and wealth, I
told her of my vast estate and my castle
on the Rhine. I asked her to be mine,
and share my fortune and my gorgeous
home. She consented, and we were
married. On pretense of taking her to
my boasted palace, I brought her to my
cavern. Then, as deception was no
longer practicable, I revealed the start
ling fact that her husband was an out
law the famous bandit chief and this
cave must henceforth be her home. Ou
hearing this, she gave me a look of ter
ror and despair never to be forgotten,
and with a cry of horror threw herself at
my feet, begging me to tell her it was
not true; that I was only tenting her love
for me. But as the terrible truth be
came more apparent from the surround
ings, she grew almost wild with grief.
She knelt before me, and with her
hands clasped upon her bosom, implored
me amid a torrent of bitterest tears to
forsake this awful career, to leave this
dismal place, and fly with her to some
far distant land, and there in future lend
a life of penitence and peace. She soon
became exhausted, and with a heart
broken cry of anguish sank senseless on
the ground;
When at length aroused she appeared
more calm and tranquil, but the sun
light of her young life was gone for
ever. The roses never came back to her
cheeks. Day by day she slowly lan
guished. She always tried to wear a
smile when 1 was near, though grief was
gnawing like a canker at her heart. She
often tried to persuade me to abandon
my evil course, and hourly prayed for
my reform.
A year passed, and like a tender flow
er plucked from its parent stem, she had
drooped and declined. One day I as
sisted her to the entrance of the cave,
and as I took a seat beside her, I ob
served that she looked paler and lovelier
than usual. Leaning her head upon my
breast, she said : "I feel that I am dy
ing. The autumn leaves will soon
strew my forest grave; but I could go
happy, and sweetly rest, did I believe
that yon would quit at once this wretch
ed place, and lead henceforthau upright
Christian life. Oh I promise me ere I
die that you will grant this last request
of her who never ceased to love you,
even through your deepest degradation."
My heart was moved as it was never
moved beforard hardly knowing what
I said I gave the required promise. She
clasped my hand with a look of joy ou
her face that had not rested there be
fore for months.
That night she sweetly breathed her
last. And within that woodland grave
my earthly happiness was buried.
Instead of keeping my promise I be
came more reckless than before ; aud
my name becume a by-word of terror
throughout the surrounding country.
Thus have I lived, an enemy to myself,
and a curse to mankind. And thus I
die, neglected, friendless, aud alone.
Rev. I. P. Booth.
A Terrible Encounter.
The Journal du Havre recounts a
terrible encounter between the lion
tamer Bidel and a number of wild beasts.
Bidel's custom was to go iuto the chgo
of the: e ferocious animals, accompanied
by a sheep, which was by his presence
kept safe from attack. ( 'n a recent oc
casion he proceeded to the lion's cage,
and his first act was to place tho sheep
on the back of a lioness, as he had fre
quently done before. No sooner had ho
accomplished this than a powerful lion
sprang upon the poor sheep and buried
his teeth deep into a vital part o.f its
body. There wai a large number of
spectators present, and, as may bo
imagined, the sudden act of tho lion
created an instant and general panic.
Bidel stepped forward, and, with tho ut
most coolness, struck the lion a blow on
the mouth with a heavy stick, which
made him crouch and yell with pain and
thvw his bleeding victim trembling at
the feet of the courageous performer.
In - another moment, however, all the
wild beasts were lashed into fury by the
sight of the blood, and no one in the as
sembly believed that Bidel could
possibly escape. Preserving his pres
ence of mind, however, ho kept the
other animals at bay until he had sub
dued tho lion and chased him back to
his cage. He then fought his way back
through the other animals, and, amid
the bravos of the assembly, came out
triumphantly, carrying his wounded
sheep with him. The poor animal,
which was a great favorite of the lion
tamer, died of its wounds.
Ten Millions of Gold in One Pile.
A San Francisco correspondent of the
Philadelphia Preta gives the following
information: Speaking of gold, reminds
one of a very well authenticated rumor
that the great bonanza kings, Messrs.
Flood, O'Brien, Mackay and Fair, are
going to send one hundred and fifty
tons of the gold and silver bullion from
their Consolidated Virginia mine to the
Centennial, and pile up the glittering
bars in some conspicuous spot, so that
all the world can see what one mine pro
duces in five months. The value of the
bars will be ten millions of dollars in
United States gold coin I If the idea is
carried out it will be the gra dest sight
among a million of grand sights, and I
venture to say more people will visit this
" mountain of wealth " than any other
single thing in the building. Five mil
lions of the bullion is now boxed up for
shipment, and the balance will be ready
In due Beason. Few people ever saw
such a vast sum as ten millions of dol
lars in gold and silver, nil in one or sev
eral piles, and I think the proposition
of Messrs. Flood Co., if-carried
through, will add much ' o 1 he charm,
the wonder, the eclat, and the success
of the exposition.
A Notable Work for the Centennial.
The city of Mexico correspondent of
the Son Francisco Chronicle writes as
follows: .Undoubtedly one of the roost
interesting, novel and unique works of
art exhibited at the American Centennial
will bo jiff architectural plau of this liis
torio city. Tho dimensions are 330 feet
from north to south and 231 feet from
east to west. All the characteristics of
the capitol will be portrayed with tho
greatest fidelity, as, for instance, the ir
regularity of the heights of buildings,
the color of the fronting, the signs of
the business houses, the number of
doors, windows and balconies on each
street, the pavements and sidewalks.
This model city will be peopled by 60,
000 human figures of good size, made of
lead and adorned exquisitely, represent
ing men in various fashionable national
costumes and otherwise, ladies elegantly
dressed for the opera, ball and social
party, besides types from the common
people. Fruit venders, ice cream ven
ders, porters, water carriers, etc, with
their fautastio outfits, will be given true to
life. There will be no less than 1,900
coaches and an equal number of other
vehicles, besides artillery pieoes mount
ed on carts. Nearly all the noticeable
buildings will be visible, the grand cathe
dral, the principal Catholic churches,
the mint, offices of the railroads, the
national library, the school of fine arts,
the Hotel Itnrbide, and others. The
national palace and other notable build
ings are not constructed in the plan, but
proper steps have been taken to get per
mission to do so. When included the
wori will be complete. The idea of this
novel undertaking originated with Don
Francisco Tajardo, Antonio Fomas,
Francisco Cervantes, Manuel Acosta,
and Andoqmo Sanchez, all well known
and enterprising citizens. They have as
sociated with hem Don Vincente Her
uaandez, an eminent mechanic and artist.
Wheu the project was at first broached,
nearly two years ago, it was thought
that so daring a piece of enterprise could
not be completed in time, but the gen
tlemen having it in hand went to work
energetically and will have it ready at
the proper date for shipment to Phila
delphia. A Mexicau writer speaking of
the work says, satirically, that the dis
tinguished foreigners who believe thot
the Mexicans still dress in feathers and
f:hoot with arrows will bo astonished to
gaze upon the magnificent toilets of the
ladies, the walking canes of the fashion
ables, and the love of handsome, pic
turesque costumes which characterizes
the descendants of the Aztecs and the
Spaniards. Wheu the whole plan allud
ed taicompleted and set up according
to the model in the Centennial building,
it is certaiu that no other notable object
can attract greater attention.
Courage and Fear'of Death.
The Chinese of the southern deltas,
wlio have little active courage, though
the Chinese of the north and west have
plenty, will iiie for a bribe to save a rich
er criminal from the sentence he has
earned. The Bengalee, who alone among
mankind says, calmly, "Arme bheroo,"
" I am timid," as if cowardice were mat
ter of moral and social indifference, or
rather creditable than otherwise, goes to
execution, as Macaulay noticed, like a
hero, and will encounter an inevitable
aud agonizing death without a flutter of
the pulse. His nerve is as great as
Waiuwright's, who died without a per
ceptible change in the steadiness of his
heart-beats, but who unlike the Ben
galee with an object before him would
probably have rushed upon the cannon.
The Malay, w' ;o cannot bo induced or
compelled to facn rockets, dies as tran
quilly as Casablanca; and the Cingalese
of the coaf, who will fight nobody,
meets death without a murmur or a
pang.
An English sailor of the old type, who
would face anything earthly except a
black cat, has probably twice as much
fear of death as the cultivated woman
who can endure death by a deadly oper
ation resignedly, yet faint in the pres
ence of any noisy danger. The wild
romaucer, Gustave Aimard, states, as a
fact, within his knowledge, that a
Spanish officer shot himself dead rather
than cross a rope suspension bridge;
aud we can vouch for the following
story, though we inu't not give the
names : An Engish ensign, just joined
before the first sikh campaign, went to
bis commanding officer, a relative, and
told him that he could not face the shot,
that he should disgrace himself, and
must resign. His relative comforted
him kindly, told him that he was only
nervous, and thought he had soothed
his fear; but the lad, as he stepped out
of the tent, shot himself through the
brain, invitiug death rather than a call
upon his courage.
An Expensive Breakfast.
Long years ago, way back to 1814,
when our wives, daughters, sisters, and
sweethearts wore calico dresses, the ma
terial of which was cheap, and made
from seven yards, and it oost as many
shillings, three young men of capital
and high standing, indulged in a night's
debauch at a hotel in Northampton,
Mass. In the morning they summoned
the landlord to their presence, and or
dered a breakfast, which they stated
must be the most expensive that had
ever been given in the State. The
principal dish ordered was ham and
eggs, of which they would go to the
kitchen and superintend, personally, the
cooking. When the fat was hot, they
each deposited in it their cold watches;
chains, lockets, and signet rings, which
were fried with the ham and eggs. The
cost of the jewelry alone was at least
$1,500. All of the parties are dead now,
but they lived long enough to know the
want of their foolish extravagance.
On a Spree.
A correspondent of a Terre Haute pa
per who accompanied the recent " edi
torial " excursion, says that among their
number were " mayors, clerks, grocers,
livery stable keepers and doctors, ' de
clares that at Altoona, where they stop
ped for (free) lunch, " as the party hur
ried out of the room, it was amusing to
see the proprietors counting their
spoons," and Bays that though it wasimJ
possible to say how they spent Sunday
"the generally bunged-up appearance
of all the party at night spoke vol
MIKE WALSH'S (CANDIDATE. !
How Mike Made m. Colored Mm't Chrvkm
for Third Assistant Doorkeeper his Prr
nonal Matter.
Did yon ever happen to hear how
Mike Walsh conducted a canvass for his
candidate for doorkeeper, onoo when he
was in the Assembly I says a correspon
dent of the Albany Journal Once
when poor Mike came to the Assembly
to be sworn in as a legislator, ho was
met at the Dolavan or at the Mansion
House of those days, by a colored gen
tleman of fine address, who requested
his influence in getting him appointed
third assistant doorkeeper. The office
seeker was received with that urbanity
with which Mike treated everybody, and
after he had exhibited sundry indorse
ments from several prominent citizens,
he produced, evidently as his best card,
a long and beautiful specimen of chirog
raphy, which he informed his listener
was his own letter addressed to the As
sembly in behalf of his own nomination.
Mike took it, hastily read a sentence or
two, and then, lighting a fresh cigor, to
the delight of the would-be doorkeeper,
proceeded to read the whole of it. When
he got through he was taken with a
hearty fit of laughter, and on coming
out of it, to the joyful astonishment of
the other, lie said : " Mr. Bensen, leave
your canvass in my hands. I'll make it
a personal matter. Mr. Bensen wrung
his benefactor's hand aud departed. In
the evening at the caucus Mike present
ed no name for doorkeeper, or for first,
second, or third assistant doorkeeper.
Poor Bensen, who, from his place in" the
gentlemen's gallery in the Assembly
chamber, saw the prize which he coveted,
and the obtaining of which for him Hon.
Mr. Walsh, from New York, had prom
ised to make " a personal matter,"
given to another was sorely angered and
grieved. Mike spied him, and just as
soon as the caucus was adjourned, but
before any of the members had dis
persed, he asked for order, and ex
claimed in a loud voice : "If Mr. Ben
sen, who was a candidate for third assis
tant doorkeeper, is in the building, he
is wanted at the clork's desk." The
caucus saw that something good was up,
and not a man moved from his place.
Presently the mystified Bensen ap
peared, and in response to Mike's re
quest took his place at tho clerk's desk.
Mike rose and with a great show of sol
emnity informed the caucus that he had
a personal explanation to make to them
and to a late candidate for the third as
sistant doorkeepership. Then, turning
to BenBen, he said something to this
effect: "Mr. Bensen, on the occasion
of your coming to see mo this morning
and asking -my Humble influence to se
cure you the position on which you had
foou-ed, I informadWjon: that. I would
make your candidacy my personal mat
ter. Mr. Bensen, I have done so. Be
lieve me, sir, I haven't met a Democrat
since I parted with you but I have taken
him by the button hole and said, with
earnest voice and moist eye: " What
ever you do to-night, don't vote for Ben
son for third assistant doorkeeper." To
a man, Bensen, they said they would go
back on Bensen, and for the kindness
thus shown me by my fellows I am, I
hope, duly grateful. This is one of the
proudest moments of my life, for I re
alize as I never did before the sincerity
and warmth of my political friends in
their relations to me.
By this time the defeated candidate,
the perspiration running down his face,
was so torn with his emotions that he
didn't know whether he was afoot or
horseback. He probably realized only
this one thing clearly that public life
had lost all its charm for him. The cau
cus, too, was in a state of complete be
wilderment, since nearly every man
composing it had, indeed, gone back on
Bensen at the earnest solicitation of
Walsh, whilo Walsh now admitted that
he had promised to make Benson's can
vass his " personal matter." When Mike
had got to this point in his speech, h?
requested one of the boys on the floor to
briug him a gloss of water. Wheu it
was brought ho drank with great delib
eration, wiped his mouth very slowly,
and then, in the midst of the most in
tense silence, took from one of his breast
pockets Bensen's letter and read it
aloud. He had a pleasing, sympathetic
voice, and the letter, good in itself, gain
ed immensely in Mike's rendering of it.
When he had concluded he suddenly
struck an attitude and vehemently ex
claimed, with the letter held high in
air : " I tell thee, Benpen, that when I
bad read that eloquent document three
or four times the conviction with which
I became possessed on first reading it
deepened and crystallized until it took
shape in the resolve that I would not in
sult such an accomplished scholar, such
an eloquent and polished writer, and
such an earnest and effective patriot by
tendering him the comparatively incon
sequential recognition that attaches to
the office of third assistant doorkeeper.
No, Benson, I oonld not do it, I could
not do it. Justice to thee as a pe
culiarly gifted individual and to the
policy of the party whom we both so
absorbingly love alike forbid it."
The caucus just howled, and even
Bensen himself joined in the bursts of
laughter that set the pendents of the
big chandelier jingling. The next day
the Senate proceeded to elect officers,
ond Mike, when the office of third as
sistant doorkeeper was reached, amid ap
plause which tho speaker did not try to
check, moved to nubstitute for the
Democratic caucus nomination " the
name of Mr. Bensen." The caucus
nominee, by Alike s arrangement, was a
man of straw, and his motion was car
ried by acclamation. The performance
was brought to a fit termination by
Mike's rushing from his seat to the
lobby, and profusely an! with the ut
taost ostentation congratulating the re
assured, the proud, the happy Bensen.
How to Raise Pize Squashes. A
farmer at Orriugton last season, the
Portland Exprets says, fed a squash, in
the hope of being able to bring it up to
two hundred pounds. The feeding was
done by cutting off the vine about six
foet from the squash, and putting the
end in a pan into which fresh milk was
daily poured. By this means the vine
absorbed about two quarts of milk per
day, and the squash gained about a
pound a day in weight.
CONFESSIONS OF A SELFISH MAN.
A lilt ol Hnrriulln Advlre Given Frre lo All.
To-day I am Beventy-flve years of age,
and I have been reviewing my life. Of
all men in the world we think a selfish
man is to bo tho most despised. It is
tho se'ifish mnn who aims to gratify his
owu pleasures aud dosires, regardless of
the consequences which may befall oth
ers. , At the age of nineteen I married,
and candor compels me to say that my
partner for hie was one of the loveliest
of God's creatures. Though previous
to our marriago she had received many
offers of marriage from men of wealth
and high position in the world, still this
true noble-hearted woman preferred me
above all others, though fully cognizant
that she wan marrying a poor man.
Three years after our marriage a legacy
of $10,000 was bequeathed to my wife.
In those days a man was looked upon an
wealthy who could command $10,000.
In a short time I purchased a fourth in
terest in the firm with which I had been
engaged for a number of years. The
profits were immense, and at the age of
twenty-six I was, indeed, a wealthy man.
At the age of twenty-eight six children
had been added to the family, and right
here is where my selfishness began to
show. Though our business was still in
a flourishing condition, I began to im
press upon every member of the family
the necessity of being economical. The
children were denied every pleasure
when a pecuniary expenditure was neces
sary to contribute in any way to their
enjoyment. My family dreaded to ac
quaint mo with their slightest wants,
knowing that the reply would be: "You
must practice economy." How many
times have I insisted on my wife wear
ing the same bonnet and dress "just one
more season," and have seen her wear
ing the same cloak four or five winters;
but I must have a new overcoat each
Bpring and winter and a new beaver as
often as the styles. I must also have the
bnest patent leather boots and shoes,
but my wife almost feared to mention
that she needed a new pair of gaiters. I
have seen her economize in various ways
to enable her to purchase some article
phe fancied and, in truth, actually need
ed. My children grew up in ignorance,
because I could not spare (?) the means
to properly educate them. It was my
own useless expenditures that prevented
my doing full justice to my family. My
children are all of a good old age. My
wife is wrinkled and gray, and we are
both "passing down the hill of life."
The hand that writes this is a trembling
one. More than once have I had to
wipe my "specs " so that I might see
the lines more clearly. It is too late to
make atonement for my cruelty au'd past
neglect; but I make this true and bon:
est oonfession as a warning to all mean-
y, selfish persons, that they may not
follow in my footsteps. For forty-five
years my expenses have varied but little
each year. My night lunches have cost
me each week for one year, Sl.iO.
I have often attended the theater five
nights a week, and my expenses in that
line have cost mo not less than $125 per
annum. When not at the theater 1 spent
the remaining nights in some billiard
hall for, much to my regret, but few of
my evenings were spent with my family
and added $75 more to my expendi
tures each year.
Sty tobacco bill was $25 per year.
My cigar bill (fonrperciem)wai 146 per year.
My bar bill was 175 per year.
Chanip&gne, twice per month,
was gu per year.
These figures may seem startling, but
ihey are, nevertheless, true. It really
appalled me when the sum total was
added up. To recapitulate for lorty-hve
years:
Night lunches per year $130 45,850
Theatricals per year 224 5,625
Milliards per year 75 3,875
Cigars per year 140 0,57il
lidr bill per year 175 T.Ma
Champagne at table per yeart . 60 '2,750
Carriage line eaoli year l0 u.skxj
Total per year $786 $35,420
Suppose, at the age of thirty, I had
put the $786 ont at interest, and com
pounded it for forty-five years, a calcu
lation would astound any man to see what
a wealthy man it would make me to-day.
Let those who are following in my foot
steps take warning in time.
He Borrowed No Trouble.
He was an elderly man, says the
Louisvillo Courier-Journal, but his
well-preserved couutenance expanded in
a genial smile that made him look ten
years younger, as he said: " I never al
low myself to borrow trouble. Some
people are trying to effect that loan, but
I am not of their sort." And again he
smiled, diffusing light and cheerf uluess
over the group with whom he conversed.
Some five hundred miles away, the
poor, overworked sister of the happy
man was boarding, and striving to bring
under control, his six worthless and
troublesome children, and at the same
time seeking to teach her own ill-clad,
ill-fed and numerous progeny to walk in
tho way of righteousness. This was why
the elderly man with the genial smile
spoke so cheerfully, and when his good
sister's health finally departed from her,
and she lay down aud died, he still bor
rowed no trouble.
Matcu-Making,
The Binghamton Times says : There
is no class devoted to intrigue whose
labors are more dangerous to the com
munity than the professional match
makers. There is in Binghamton a
woman whose efforts have in less than a
year brought about three marriages.
The first was so manifestly lacking in
affinity that the parties separated after
an unhappy experience of a few months.
In the second case the wife is now an in
mate of the insane asylum, and is known
to have lived unhappily after marriage.
The third marriage was between a man
of sixty and a girl of twenty-five, and
ended before time was given to learn the
natural result, in the accidental death of
the man. These are facts.
A gentleman in - company with Dr,
Johnson, to some of the usual arguments
for drinking, adtd this : "You know,
sir, drinking drivb away care and makes
na Iiin4 U T tl
us
'u"g wumoYw is uiBttgreeuuio.
Would you not allow a'man to drink for
that reason ?" Johnson replied : " Yes,
sir, if he sat nigh you 1"
A Girl's Strataorein.
A story is told of a lady who acted
strangely at the altar, and with good rea
son, for she made it serve her well. She
was a girl who had been gently reared
and well educated, but on account of
family misfortunes had been forced to
earn her own living. Not fancying tho
course usually Liken by such unfortu
nate ladies she determined neitht-r to
write for the magazines nor teach
school, feeling that she would never ex
cel in either vocation. She studiod
bookkeeping, and then secured a place
in the office of a large factory in one of
the manufacturing towns of Massachu
setts as assistant bookkeeper. She paid
strict attention to her business and no
cured the respect of every one, and the
love of two men. One was unfortunate
ly unworthy of her, but being her em
ployer's son, he was enabled to perse
cute her cruelly. She persisted in her
refusal of his offers of marriage until
he managed to place her in a position
where it was thought that her reputa
tion was compromised.
The poor girl thought so herself, and
saw only one way ont of her trouble.
She encouraged her persecutor, and
when he again offered to marry her she
accepted him. After the usual pre
liminaries she appeared iu the church
and stood at the altar with him. The
news of the wedding had spread, and all
her friends were present. She was very
pale, but when she was asked, " Wilt
thou take this man ?" her voice rang out
like a bugle call : " No, not to save my
life would I marry him." Of course
there was a scene, but as she hod
promptly fainted, any explanation was
at that time entirely out of the question.
The willingness of her persecutor to
marry her had demonstrated the untruth
of the stories he had threatened to tell,
and when, the next day, the other of her
lovers called on the clergyman and ex
plained to him the exigency which had
forced her to such an act, and asked him
to solemnize her marriage with the man
of her choice, the reverend gentleman's
wrath was appeased.
A Wonderful Wheat Country,
The Portland Oregonian says : We
have been in the habit of supposing that
the Willamet valley was the greatest
wheat growing country on the habitable
globe, and have felt like indulging in an
indefinite amount of vainglorious boast
ing over the record of fields producing
fifty bushels or more to the aero, and
whole farms averaging thirty-five or
forty bushels. But we recoive some in
formation concerning wheat raising in
eastern Washington Territory which sur
passes the best-showing we remember to
have seen.
O. Maler, living near the base of the
Blue mountains, in Walla Walla valley,
in 1873 raised on a sixty-acre field 4,020
bushels of wheat, an average of sixty
seven bushels to tho acre ; and in 1875,
from a sixty-acre tract, 3,420 bushels, or
fifty-seven bushels to the acre.
Mr. Masterson, residing four miles
south of Walla Walla, raised on ten
acres 850 bushels, eighty-five bushels to
the acre.
Mr. Kennedy, whose farm is on Dry
creek, six miles from Walla Walla, har
vested 5,252 bushels from 150 acres,
thirty-five bushels average ; and this
was a volunteer crop, that is, the second
crop from one sowing.
These crops, says our informant, were
produced on ordinary wheat land land
that is "no better than hundreds of
thousands of acres now lying vacant in
Walla Walla and Whitman counties,
especially north of Snake river, where
there is a country vast enough to pro
duce more than 25,000,000 bushels per
annum, and where a failure of crops has
never been known."
Suicide on a Good Dinner.
One evening, says a writer, 1 saw a
crowd in front of a Paris restaurant, and
learned on inquiry that a man had taken
his own life inside. It appeared that he
had installed himself in a "cabinet,
and ordered a regal repast, dwelling
with unction on each course. His repast
occupied a couple of hours, and when
coffee, cognac and cigars were furnished
toward the close of it, he informed the
waiter that he would require nothing
else, and he need not return until he
rang for him. About fifteen or twenty
minutes afterward the time to sip his
cognac and smoke a cigar the repott of
a firearm was heard proceeding from his
cabinet. On opening the door he was
found lying on the sofa dead, with a
smoking pistol at his side. On search
ing him, not a sou was discovered in his
pockets. The inference was that being
nearly starved, he determined to regale
himself in a sumptuous maimer for
once, and then canceled this and all
other debts by paying with his life. The
proprietor of the restauraut said he
would have willingly given him his ain
ner if he had only killed himself else
where than on his premises. This was
the practical side of tho question. The
man who paid such a price for his din
ner was evidently a disciple of Brillat
Savarin. An Illustration.
The Rev. Dr. Ritchie, of Edinburgh,
though a very clever man, sometimes
met with his match. When examining
a student as to the classes he hod at
tended, he said: "Aud you attended
the class for mathematics ? '
"Yes."
" How many sides has a circle ?"
"Two," said the student
"What are they
" An outside and on inside."
The doctor then said : "And you at
tended the philosophy class also ?"
"Yes."
"Well, you would hear lecture-- on
various subjects. Did you ever hear
one on cause and effect ?" i .
"Yes."
"Does an effect ever go. before a
cause ?"
"Yes."
" Give me an instance."
" A man wheeling a barrow." , ,
The doctor then sat down. , :,, ,
' It's a curious incident of matrimony,
says the Cincinnat :lmes, that if you
tell your wife to get up and build the
fire, she exhibits her dutiful obedience
by forthwith proceeding to fire up.
Too Late.
Each on his own strict line we move,
And some find death ere they find love.
Bo far apart their lives are thrown
From the twin soul that halves their own.
And sometimes, by still harder fate,
Tho lovers meet, but meet too late.
The heart is mine. True, true ! ah ' true
Then, love, thy hand. Ah, no ' adiea !
Items of Interest.
A man can find fault in any direotion
he is pleased to look for it.'
The art of life is to know how to en
joy a little, and to endure much.
It is said that 15,000,000 boxes of
blacking are annually manufactured in
the United States.
Tragio satire 1 Tho author of " The
Art of Becoming a Millionaire" has just
died of starvation in France. .
An exchange wants to know, since
w-o-r-k is pronounced wirk, why pork
should not be pronounced pirk ?
The Carthaginian inscriptions to the
number of 2,084, which went down in the
Magenta, have been all safely recovered
by the divers.
The governor of Virginia pardoned a
criminal on condition that he shall never
use ardent spirits, wine, or any other in
toxicating beverage.
. An English medical journal says that
women are getting the monopoly of neu
ralgia because so much of their heads
is exposed to the air.
Said a dry goods dealer : " Of course
we lose money on every piece of these
goods, but, my dear madam, we sell such
enormous quantities of them."
The "leap year necktie" for gentlemen
has a spring which, being touched,
moves a thickness of silk aside and
shows a disc inscribed " No."
A gentlemen was directing an English
gardener to put his hedge in order. His
reply was : "Ah, yes ; yon gest want me
to cut the hedge of the 'edge."
An Atlanta pastor died a few days after
his Snnday-school children placed on
their Christmas tree a present for him in
the shape of a life insurance policy.
A thousand dollars of conscience
money was recently received at Wash
ington in one day, notwithstanding this
is a dull year in the conscience business.
A breed of dogs without tails has been
discovered in Africa ; and how the mis
chievous boys there utilize old tin kettles
and fruit cans, we cannot pretend to say.
It has been suggested that if young
men will marry on tho twenty-ninth of
February they will be able to save many
presents expected .on weaaing anniver
saries.
A bill has been introduced into the
Pennsylvania Legislature making it a
penal offense to " point" a pistol or gun
or any firearm at a person, whether in
jest or in earnest.
"What do thev alwavs nut D. C. after
Washington for I" asked Mrs. Qnilp of
Mr. Q. " Why, my dear, don't you
know that Washington was Daddy of his
Century ?" said Quilp with a snicker.
In Germany 1,520 out of every 10,000
of the population pro under school in
struction ; in Great Britiau, 1,400 ; in
Fiance, 1,160 ; in Belgium 1,140 ; iu
Austria and Hungary, 840 ; aud in Rus
sia, 150.
A bald man was sadly astonished to
find his French barber's charges so
hi"?h : " Ten fraucs," exclaimed he,
" for cutting my hair 1" " Oh, no,
monsieur, not for cutting your hair, but
for finding de hair to cut. '
Mr. Drum, of Beatrice, Nev., has ever
so many little Drums in his house, be
sides a drum in each ear, and yet he is
not a drummer, says an exchange. But
it would seem that such a family must
lead a humdrum sort of life.
In the lost illness of poor Hood he was
reduced to a skeleton. As he noticed a
very large mustard poultice which Mrs.
Hood was making for him he cried :
" Oh, Mary 1 thai will bo a great deal of
mustard to a very little meat !"
Two men seeing a naturalist in a field
collecting insects, thus spoke of him :
"What's that gentleman?" "Why,
he's a naturalist." "What's that?"
"Why, one who catches gnats, to be
sure."
" Maria," observed Mr. Holcomb, as
he was putting on his clothes, "there
ain't no patch on them breeches yet."
" I can't fix it now no way ; I'm too
busy." " Well, give methe patch, then,
an' I'll carry it around with me. I don't
want people to think I can't afford the
cloth. fi
There was consternation at Verona,
N. Y., one Sunday, when an old barn -vard
ram was found standing, like an
angel with a flaming sword, at the door
way of a Presbyterian church, butting
fiercely at everybody who attempted to
enter the sanctuary. Finally two of the
brethren seized the intruder ty the fore
lock, and returned him to his fold.
A Danburv couple have a nice little
1 daughter of some five summers. A lady
visitor observed to ine motner: what
a pretty child yon have ! She must be a
great comfort to you." " She is in
deed," said the fond mother. "When
I'm mad at John I don't have to speak
to 'him. She calls him to his meals, and
tells him to get the coal, and other things
that I want. She is real handy."
The Courrier de Lyon quotes an ex
ception to the rule that only people with
emntv Dockets drown them selves. A
; spinster of the tender age of forty-seven
threw nerseii into the saone, having
previously tied her pet pug to her waist.
The act was noticed, and the two insepa
rables were rescued, when, to the amaze
ment of all, 40,000 francs in bank notes,
and 1,500 francs in gold were found on
the person of the erratic young lady.
Two boys, aged six and twelve years,
entered a Cincinnati police station one
night, and the eldest told an affecting
story of parental abuse. They had, he
mf, been driven from home, and were
exhausted with wandering, besides being
hungry. They were fed and housed.
In the morning their frightened mother
found them, and the truth came out.
They had left a comfortable home,
having made up their minds to travel as
tramps.

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