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The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, June 30, 1853, Image 1

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Persistent link: https://chroniclingamerica.loc.gov/lccn/sn84026399/1853-06-30/ed-1/seq-1/

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JOcaotci ta jpolitics, literature, Agriculture, 0rmtcc, iitoralitn, aub cncral 'Jntdliqcncc.
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VOL. 13.
Published by Theodore Scliocli.
TERMS Two dollars per annnum in advance Two
dollars and a quarter, half yearly -and if not paulbe
lore the end of the year, Two dollars and a half. Those
who receive their papers by a carrier or stage drivers
employed by the proprietor, will be charged 37 1-2
cent, per year, extra.
No papers ditconlinued until all arrearages are paid,
except at the option of the Editor.
lET Advertisements not exceeding one square (six
teen lines) will be inserted three weeks for one dollar,
and twentv-five cents for every subsequent insertion
The Charge for one and three insertions the same.
A liberal discount made to yearly advertisers.
IU All letters addressed to the Editor must be post
paid. J O B PRLYTISG,
Having a general assortment of large, elegant, plain
and ornamental Type, we are prepared
to execute every desci iptionof
o,a.Bu,0nrBJnd thou in another, and sits on him and
Justices, Legal and other Ulr.nks, Pamphlets, &c.
printed with neatness and despatch, on reasonable
AT THE OFFICE OF
at tup opvtp.p nv
The Dirge.
What is the existence of man's life,
But open war, or slumber'd strife;
Where sickness to his sense presents
The combat of the elements;
And never feels a perfect peace
Till Death's cold hand signs his release 3
It is a storm where the hot blood
Outvies in rage the boiling flood;
And each loose passion of the mind,
Is like a furious guet of wind,
Which beats his bark with many a wave,
Till he casts anchor in the grave.
It is a flower which buds, and grows,
And withers as the leaves disclose ;
Whose spring and fall faint seasons keep,
Like fits of waking before sleep ;
Then shrinks into that fatal mould
Where its first being was enroll'd.
It is a dream whose seeming truth
Is moraliz'd in nge and youth ;
Where all the comforts he can share,
As wandering as his fancies ore ;
Till in a midst of dark deca',
The dreamer vanish quite away.
It is a dial which points out
The sun-set, as it move about ;
And shadows out in lines of night
The subtle stages of Time's flight;
Till all-obscuring earth hath laid
His body in perpetual shade.
It is a weary interlude
Which doth short joys, long woes, include,
The world the stage, the prologue tears,
The acts vain hopes and varied fears ;
The scene shuts up with los3 of breath,
And leaves no epilogue but death.
Saturday Evening.
How sweet the evening shadows fall,
Advancing from the west ;
As ends the weary week of toil,
And comes the day of rest.
Bright o'er the earth the star of eve
Her radiant beauty sheds ;
And myriad sisters calmly weavo
The light around our heads.
Host, man, from labor; rest from sin;
Tho world's hard contest close;
The holy hours with God begin,
Yield thee to sweet repose.
Bright o'er the earth the morning ray
Its sacred light will cast ;
Fair emblem of the glorious day
That evermore Bhall last.
We had a dream the other night,
When all around was6till
We dreamed we saw a host of folks
Pay up the Printer's bill !
Let 5em Wriggle
A rural philosopher somewhat advanc
ed in life, whose limited knowledge of na
ture's mysteries had been acquired with
out the aid of science, and who knew not
whether a "microscope" was " something
to eat, or a new fangled farming machine, j
was once in conversation with a youthful
friend, fresh from school, who talked to
him of the wonderful developments made!frt
v that instrumeut. a snecimen of whmh
J . , , . ,
ie carried about him.
While the old man was making a fru-
gal meal in thc field, at noon, the youth
piuuui xu.w, uW
Hibitiug its power upon several bugs and
divers minute atoms of inanimate matter
at hand.
To his surprise, his aged pupil did not
manifest much astonishment and stung by
liis indifference, he detailed to him how
many scores of living creatures he devour
ed at evory mouthful, and in each drop
which quenched his thirst. At this his
liearer was sceptical; to prove the fact,'
the boy snatched horn his hands a "chunk .
of rich cheese which he was then devour
..i: I
umpbantly pointed to.
The old man gazed upon the sight in-1
differently, and at length, with the utmost
nonchalance, took anSther huge bite.
"Don't," exclaimed the boy "Ml eat
2t. Unc e Jien : don't vou sce'em ? Sc'
em squirm and wriggle!"
he deliberately finished his meal.C'&tt-
ian QourahU
V Let'em icngglc!" said the old man,'mornlng, observed Mrs. .bvvauow. ;
munenmg away cairay, "uicy vc got tic. " Servant," returned Splomon, " ais
Viorst oivl oftimikin StanHt. IkinP and nh'nfcd hor vARfordaV: Yon don't think
SOLOMON SWALLOW.
The Woman Tamer.
"Rule a wife and have a wife."
Solomon Swallow was a bachelor, and
a rusty one, too but nevertheless, he had
made up his mind to one thing, that he
was the only man living who had acquired
any knowledge of the art of taking care
of a wife
All the married men are dolts' was
r ; i. ' t mi fn ;
ior instance, is my nemuoor, xom j.angi-
jblcj his wife makes a sort of three-legged
stool of him : she moves in one corner,
walks on him as if he Was nobody 1U the
hoMOj pQOr maU) takes & M ea !
sy as though it was the most natural,
thing in the world. Now that I were on
ly Tom Tangible I'd first write a series
of matrimonial articles, and if Mrs. T.
didn't abide by them, I'd submit her to
the wholesome discipline of bread and
water and a padlock; one might, perhaps,
rsi ,
brighten her ideas touching her conj
muwup, uj uUU vx 6uuu w-
hide. And there again are LvertLasy, !
Dick Snooks, and a host more of them
H,if,n? I rr T hn nnn innfinn rtT n rni i i tit
in the same condition but I-I'm the boy
that will set them all right, if they only ,
follow my examplo after I have conde
scended to endow some fortunate female
with thc legal claim to the title of Mrs.
Swallow."
Brave Solomon Swallow.
"Well, Solomon," said a neighbor to him
'one morning, " as you are always boast
ing of your skill in managing a wife, how
'comes it that you are not married?"
"Why, because I have not perfected my
system ! You poked your head into the
noose withoutmaking any preparation, and
hence, Mrs. Everly makes what she like of
you. But I go to work logically, I begin by
studying the erudite works of Zingenba
zo, fOn the philosophy of woman's hold
ing her tongue.' I then read several
treatises on 'the effect of bread and wa
ter discipline in making good wives.'
Shakspcare's 'Taming thc Shrew' furn
nished me a few excellent practical les
sons. And I am now generalizing all
,1 . i -i- 1. 1 11
added Solomon, " my 'Bules for the Reg
ulation of a Woman' (I intend to publish
it) will be completed, and then I shall
take me a wife."
And Solomon was as good as his word,
for, at the age of thirty-five, finding him
self prepared to give battle to any woman
in or ouc 01 tne iana 01 Amazons, ne got 1
. ii 1 1 .. 1
me systems mio one, wmcu siian carry , sceing that 1 can't awaken to call you Swallow.
the sway in all future generations, and ! up fn tuc ra0rning, or cat burned toast, ! The turning of the key made her a
convert the plague of matrimony into a j or driut raw tea, etc., it is time I should ' ware of his intention, when she rushed to
blessing. Iu the course of a year or so," ; begin to instruct you in your duties." ; thc door, but it was too late.
o,lrl Rl
married. At this important period Sol- j " prom ss. till eight, you are. to get up, ' to sec how matters were going, but scarce
omon was as puffy, comfortable-looking dress quietly, so as to create no distur- ly put his eye to the key-hole when ho
a little fellow as you'd meet in a day's ;'bance, light the fire, air the clothing and began roaring like a bull, for Mrs. Swal
walk, for, albiet, the crown of his head stockings, sweep the rooms, prepare break-; low had torn everyone of his fine linen
never stood full five feet from the heels ; fast) and announce the perfection thereof. ' shirts, (that on his back excepted) into
of his boots, he was of proportions that ; Eigh ttill ten, wash tea things, make beds, ' pieces, to make a rope to let herself down
would have done honor to any alderman, : rub furniture and clean windows. Ten from the window ; nor was this all, for
or even a Lord Mayor ; and bis gait, es- 1 to twelve, go to market and prepare din-1 upon farther examination, he discovered
pecially when walking with anything in j ner. Twelve till two, devote to dishwash- , that she had also thrown a variety of chair
thelikenessof a woman, was aspompuos as ! ing, sweeping up and rubbing funiture. ' cushins, bed linnen, &c, into the dirty
a Sultan's, while at such times his coun- I 'iv0 till Bix, spinning, mending clothes, ' yard, to make her descent safe,
tenance always assumed an expression j and darning stockings. Seven, tea. 0, chap-fallen Solomon Swallow !
that could not have brooked the approach ' prom that time till nine, a second courso The archieves of the Swallows are si
of femalo familiarity. The lady whom : 0f mending and darning, and then go to ! lent as to the remaing occurrences of this
Solomon had chosen for his "worser half," . bed. And this daily course, madam,with j eventful day, but on the very next morn
was apparently a lamb-like creature, so ' a strict observance of tho rules of civili- ing, about 7 o'clock, Mr. Swallow poped
that the chances were very fair that she ' ty frugality, decorum, and obedience, his head from under tho blanket, and
would not only be a tractable wife, but may? jn time, enable you to do honor to ! said.
that Solomon would require no help from the choice of Mr. Solomon Swallow." " Mrs, Swallow, dear, isn't it time to
his system to make her so. Mrs. Swallow listened quietly to the ; get up ?"
Now bolomon had tho torbcarance not '
to interfere with his lady's sayings and j
doings on tho night of the wedding, nor 1
is it recorded that he assumed special au
thority on the night either; but about six
o'clock the next morning, he softly insin- 1
atea to nis sleeping partner tnat it was ,
time to get up.
"And," ho added, "when breakfast is
ready you may call me, but bo sure not
to burn the toast."
"Breakfast and toast," said Mrs. Swal
low, "why, what do you mean?"
"Why, my dear I meauj madam,, that
I have begun my system."
"And won't you get up too ?"
" Yes, when breakfast is ready and my
stockings aired 1"
Mrs. Swallow was about to reply, but
she checked herself, as she was ashamed
cnxr frt i,:J rt cn cWf
. . .1 , .
an ac-
qamtance; out tnougn in tne present in-
6)je did gel as sh wag bid
glje resolved thafc .fc waa
iast time she would get up at six o'clock
in the morning t0 prepare breakfast.
At eight o'clock, everything being rea
dy Mrs. Swallow called Mr. Swallow.
"Breakfast is ready, Mr. Swallow."
"Is the toast made ?"
"Yes."
"Not burned?"
" No."
" Are my stockings aired ?"
"Yes."
" You'll do," quoth Mr. Swallow, and
to breakfast he went, having received-the
6ervices of the blushing Mrs. Swallow to
assist him in dressing.
The breakfast, however, did not turn
?ut i bfflct;aclie(1 UP
for- Tbc toast was done a little too much,
j ca sn't done quite enough; the
jdop - bowl was at the wrong end of the
and here were scveral crumb3 on
.I.cari afford' to keep a servanrahd a wife" !
jtoo?" ' "'"j
" Thc servant hasn't been here this
STROUDSBURG, MONROE
The lady was again posed, and she
said nothing, but the day wore to its olose
before she could bring herself to the be
belief that Mr. Swallow had actually
made use of the word "servant" and
" wife'' in the same sentence.
The next morning at six o'clock, Mr.
Swallow again informed his wife that it
was time to get up, coupling the remark
Tt'ffTi flirt cnvacfiAii 4liof in 4iifntrt ulin
f tr,of on,ro fl, rnnMn nf rn,:nii:n
her of so necessary a duty.
. -yTva ow-nn i,nTOmTn,. Wnfiffnl M,.
b V; soft insinuation, for at the mo
ment sho either was, or pretended to bo,
VT ia,;-" J' ,
((T)onf von Unnr Mr? SwilW ? nnnfli
l you bear Mrs. bwallOW quoth
But alas ! a slight consciousness was
the only response from Mrs. Swallow
Now this was a ticklish point with Sol
omon, but he was prepared for it. "What
says my system on this head V said he
to himself, musingly. "It says that a la-
zy wife who lies abed in the morning may
Vo rnrr nrnnorl tr rnmniil nA nf l,ni fluftr
. v
b the judicioug application of a coercion
in JAfld tIliagniGcent idca had
5nr.niwrnoB(1(a tun fwci,rtir1 ftn,:0
thau insertcd th(J infc of a hu
thc ht arm f thJ ?s
; might be expected, tho intended effect in-
' stantly followed the cause, lor the aston-
: ishedMrs. Swallow sprang from the bed as
though she had been thrown from it by
an earthquake. But alas, her agility was
too strikingly manifested, for she not on
ly all but annihilated poor Solomon in j the other down, and ruminating the
rolling over him, but she dashed his pat- j while upon their relative position. But
eut lover from tho nail which suspended , it must be confessed that Mrs. Swallow
it to the wall, and broko the dial into a j had the best of the bargain, for indepen
thousand pieces. dent of Solomon's mangled head, par-
" What a dreadful dream," ejaculated ; boiled neck and shoulders, ho saw as
Mrs. Swallow, pressing her left hand on ! clear as mud, that the watchdial and the
the wounded arm. j crockery must be repleaced; so that the
" What a dreadful reality," shouted reducing of the first chapter in his volum
Mr. Swallow, contemplating the fragile ! inous system to practice must be attended
ruins of his demolished timo-piece. with an outlay of at least twenty dollars.
Here we pass over the interval between This being the case, I might as well be
this occurrence and thc time when the hung for a sheep as a lamb, thought he,
happy pair in question were seated at and with that he softly rose from his
breakfast. j chair, stole softly from the room, and
" Now. Mrs. Swallow." said Solomon, turned tho kev unon the ?entle Mrs.
" O
"And what are those, Mr, Swallow?" j
"Bo silent, madam, if you please ; not
! to talk, but listen, is one of tho most im- !
portant of them.7 !
" Proceed, sir." 1
A n A ATr Strfillnw 1 n -1.-i ri rr An rrfmrs nf
her for tho second interruption, proced-
-
ed :
onA- nnd ihpn mildlv innuired :
And do you really expect this of me,
ir Swallow I"
" To be sure I do," responded her
spouse,
"Then you'll be sadly disappointed,
for jn do no such thing."
"No?"
' " No."
" I've a way to make you."
"How?"
" Spoon diet, locks, chains and cow
hide." " Mr. Swallow !"
"What?"
" You're a brute!" and Mrs. Swallow
threw herself back and looked desparate.
Now this was a climax. Mr. Swallow
was called a brute at his own fireside,and
by his own wife, which was the worst of j
all. He, Solomon bwallow, the celebra
ted founder of a system of matrimonial
observation, called a brute, and by no
less a personage than Mrs. Swallow. At
first he was so astonished at such open
manifestations of rebellion against his
royal will, that he only looked aghast;
but when he came to himself, he saw that
something must be done at once, or tho
field was lost forever.
"You called me a brute, Mrs.- Swallow."
" I did, Mr. Swallow-"
" A brute?"
" A brute."
" I'll go mad and break things, Mrs.
Swallow."
" As you like, sir."
And Mr. Swallow did go mad, but he
had a method in his madness, for he seized
the cheapest article of delf that was on
the table (an old plate with a crack in it)
and dashed it into a thousand pieces on
the hearth, as if ho was in a tremendous
passion.
' How do you like that, Mrs. Swallow !'
" Vastly, Mr. Swallow, try it again !"
And again ho did try it, (for ho had
become desperate) and demolished the
cream jug; . .
'jNow," said the lady, "it is my lam;"
and jumping up she sent .the Blpp-bowlto
keep company with its toa-table compan-
COUNTY, PA. JUNE SO,
raeoinre
ions
This was, of course, too much for Sol
omon ; it snapped asunder tho last re
maining cord of the little reason he had
left, and he slapped his helpmate we use
the word in its most positive sense on
her right check; but scarcely had the echo
of tho blow melted into silence, ere the
indignant dame seized the tea-pot and
shivered it into atoms against the head of; should be making tbese preparations which Line Devils. Miss Strickland was a mai
tho devoted Mr. Swallow. Nor was this 1 they cannot in justice to themselves dispense ' den lady of five-and-forty,who had wea
this all, for as he was rolling heels over ' witI,t prior t0 briiifrinrr before the public "aze rie(1 tIie Doctor's patience by her reitera
jiead from the effect of the awful collis- j lhose urlideg an(fairimas which thcy fah ecl attempts at dying at most unreason
ion, she piled on the remainder of the . com liUon whh thc con, ' able houra-at least so far as regarded
tea-traps until there was scarcely a bone ! . . . . , . , . the comfort of her medical attendants.
in his body which had not echoed to the . PcUlors 00 occasIons oflll!s 1,lcre ".One cold, stormy night thc doctor had
shock of cups and saucers, and jouuds 0f , ,,owever Plc,lty of tI,nc -vetlcft to enable ev- been caUcd to seo Migg Sally? an( ha(1
buttured toast. j cry one who wishes to get up something for succeeded as usual in pacifying her fcars5
Unable to carry the war on any longer , the fair. Thc premium list, which is very and left her enjoying a sound and refresh
for that day, Solomon gathered himself j extensive, and which oilers more and higher . ing sleep. He had hardly arrived at homej
up as well as he could, and, vowing vengc . premiums than was offered by Society last 'drenched through with the rain which
anco, he stuck his pipe in his mouth, his j ycar wju soon c rea(v for publication. was falling in torrents, and got into a
hands in his pockets, and then common- j premiums will be ofierered to competitors i warm and comfortable bed when he was
. , i i & .i ,it.,
,ieu on, looking as if he could bite a
A-ii -in -,i . i-
pieco off the griddle, without setting his
teeth on edge. H is good lady, too, being
determined to follow the example of her
lord and master in other matters beside
the delf-breaking, placed another chair
back to back with Solomon's, and after
prodviding herself with a novel, sat her
j self down and began reading away, as if
i there was no such things as beds to make,
or stockings to mend, in all Christendom
Here this affectionate couple sat for
six mortal hours, each bent upon sitting
"Open
tuc uoor mis instant, iur.
Swallow."
"Not until I have kept you here seven
days upon bread and water," returned
the victorious Solomon, as he went his
Trfitr rninip! n rr
But alas! how fleeting is human great
ness in about half an hour he returned
" les, returned the lady, " and you
may call me when you have lit thc fire,
and put on the kettle."
Poor Solomon ! There was no alter
native. So ho sat about his work with
an alacrity which showed that he had
the terror of a broken head and demolish
ed body linnen running strongly in his
memory. In short, Solomon was a con
quered man. That day he had to prepare
breakfast, sweep the room, etc. The next,
his assistance was required in thc rubbing
of the furniture, and thc making of beds
and, before the week was out, he was in
itiatcd into the mystery of washing towels.
Degenerate Solomon bwallow i is ay,
in aftcrtimcs, when tho Swallows began
to gether about him, it is whispered that
his better half used 'to employ him at yet
more deeply conjugal offices.
About five years after the celebration
of his nuptials, a friend called to seo him.
"You must go with me to the theatre,
Mr. Swallow," said the friend.
" lie shan't," said Mrs. Swallow.
" Ho must," said the friend, "aud so
must you."
" I may, butta can't," replied the dame,
" for he must stay at homo with the chil
dren." And Mrs. Swallow did go to the play,
and Solomon stayed at home.
0, hen-pecked Solomon Swallow !
The moral of this authentio talc is that
" bachelors' wives and old maids' chil-
dren are always excellent in theory, but
as bad as can bo in practice and that a
managed wife is better than no wife at all.
Had Solomon only treated his better-half
decently in tho beginning, tilings might
have gone on smoothly to the end, but as it
was, he compelled her to be a lartar in
her own defence; he had to take the con
scconquences."
The jnow uricans x icayimc says une,
m --r r 1 n-
ripe, iuicy peaches arc in that iharkct
Ye leave our readers to their own reflec
tiong.
"Three' dollar gold pieoes,aq,bjing is
sued from the mint."
1353.
TliC Pennsylvania State Fair.
Our State Agricultural Exhibition and Cat-
tie Show, which is to be held in Pittsburgh
, , . , o L i on.i i
on the 26th, 2th, 23th, 29th and 30th days
of September next, should not be lost sight of
by the farmers, horticulturists, mechanics,
manufacturers and artizans of Pennsylvania.
The time is already at hand when exhibitors;
without the tatate, and encouragement given
! , , , , r
i by handsome rewards for price articles in all
branches of industry, with the hope that they dyin and nccdcd his assistance. Half
may be all represented. j aslecp aild iiaf awaicej be sprang from
I desire to say to the farmers and others of the; the bed, and ran to the door, to inquire
western counties of the Stale, to not hesitate which of his neighbors was in so danger
making preparations for competing at this ex- 0U3 a condition. On opening the window
hibition because it is to be held in their midst, j he wa3 surprised and chagrined to find
It is expected that those who are convenient j tbat his dying neighbor was Miss Sally
will have the most to exhibit. Do not think ; Strickland that after he had left her an
that because it is a Stale exhibition tIjat; or two before she ws taken sudden-
tlV flOWn nrrnin find SPTlt. .1 nioccnnnrnr m
you
who have been in thc habit of com-
pcting in county fairs, will be outdone, and
that there is no chance for you to succeed.
Let no farmer say it will be no use for me
to come in as an exhibitor, and that thc pn- time he would get his horse and sulky up
zes will all be borne off by those who come, and have them at the door. Thc doctor,
from afar. Let me say to you that the citi- worn out with the repeated calls, and fa
zens of Dauphin County, at the first cxhibi-, 5t" his previous visit, hesitated ;
lion, and the citizens of Lancaster county at,but fi.na,1y de1cidrec1l on going, deterinined
, r n - . .1 1 j-i . j to make an end of the job by cither killing
the second, fell into this error, and did not I J J
1 or curing.
contribute as they could have done. After j ()n , , , . 1nrtmTT nnA
the fairs were over I heard farmers of those j
counties regret their want ot confidence m'
what they had to exhibit one said he could
have taken such a premium, and another that
he could have beaten such a production, and
another that he could have beaten such an;
animal, if he had only known what was on
exhibition before he left home.
Let no one for a moment suppose that he 1
orshe cannot be benefitted by preparing some
uung iur tne l'air, out conciuue mat it is uieiUnb03om h is m nd fullv-and freelv. as it
aggregate zeal of all, that gives life; and en
ergy, and spirit to the honorable and valuable
competion of an agricultural exhibition.
There is no man in the cummunity, who de
serves the name of a fanner, and no woman
who esteems the important place she holds in
her husband's house, who does not, or may
not possess something of which she may be
justly proud ; and even if they should be mis
taken in this, they will at all events be enti
tled to the credit of having afforded a good
example of thus testifying their approbation
of an institution which they must bo convin
ui an mourn nun iu,u uiu y iiiuai. uu uuu mi- i
ced is calculated to spread abroad informa-
mation of thc most valuable character and
introduce improvements of the highest value
to us all
The only way that a fair representation
me prouuets ot tne tarms ot our country can be
had is, for each farmer on an occasion of a
State Fair like the present, to bring the best
he has got, and a fart of every thing, for
there is no one so poor a farmer but what can
excel in something. One of the best ways to
promote agriculture is the frequent meeting
of the tillers of the soil a frequentcomparing
of notes, and social converse with one anoth
er upon the different modes of farming, and
upon the results of certain experiments as
tried by each other in different sections, and
upon different soils a bringing together of
their yearly products m competition, and an
exchange of seeds and
breeds,
Should the opportunity of thc coming- ex -
hibtion be duly appreciated by the farmers apparently iu high glee that Beelzebub
and others of our country, we may confident-! noticing it, told them to o to bed aud bo
ly expect to see together at that time, the lar- j quiet that on there notobcyinr his or
gest concourse of people ever assembled in , ders cheerfuIly and readily, hc "stamped
Pennsylvania. That the dmerent branches j , J "' , K,.
I of industry will be presented in almost end-
Ins vnrintv. no nnn o.nn rlnnhf. n.l thnt n.ir
I sister States will contribute largely and com -
I pete strongly with us tor our prizes, we may;13 comnnng to-morrow, and there will Uo
confidently anticipate.
Lvery etlort will be made by the Society,
to promote the interests of exhibits, and to
encourage a lauuume competition in an me
The Society anticipates that tbis, their
third annuul exhibition, will be much larger)
than either the first or second, and situated
as it will bo, where easy communication may!
I be had to it irom tne iastanu uie wesi, inai
. . r .1 T1 . I 1 ITT .1 .1
! it will possess every attraction anu advan
tage that contribute to the success of an Ag
ricultural Exhibition.
ROBERT C. WALKER,
S'tfc'y. Penu'rt. State Agricultural Society.
Elizabeth, May G, lb53.
A Siiualiont
Two young officers were traveling ill
the far West, when they stopped to take
supper at a small road-side tavern, kept
by a very
rouah Yankee
woman.
The
! landlady, in a calico sufl-bonnet, and bare
feet, stood at the head of the table to pour
out. She inquired of her guests 'if thcy
ohose long sweetening, or short sweetening
in there collee.
Tho first officer, supposing that ' long
sweetenim?' meant a large portion of that
article, chose it accordinelv. What was
' . . . -
i,j3 dismav when ho saw their hoatess urn
, her finger deep down into an earthen j nr j t1IovrjJ ropiicd flattered btHe'ii
nfhnn'ov that stood near her. and tben , . .R3
stir it (the finger) round in tho coffee.
His companion, seeing this, preferred
short ,weetoninr?., XJnoiuwhicli" tho
woman picked up n large lump of m2pl3
NO. 3G;
sugar that lay in a brown paper on thd
beside her, and biting off a piccd
? '5 ,h gCntlem.e.ri
dispensed with coffee that evening. This
anecdote hcar(1 frQm thc of Qnd
of tj10SC officers. ilizss Leslie.
Sally Strickland's Case.
Showing hoio the Doctor cured her of the
i . ,, , , . 1 , '
a voice without begging him to get up m
, , d n8 1
n TTinmnnr. ns nun nr his nnifhhnrs xrn:
1' wn i- :c
; nofc c0,ne quick hc ould Rofc find
'iive The messenger unred him
1 uuiviii mo itcuui uuu it'll uuu 11 lie uiu
d her a-
to get
ready as soon as possible and in thc mean
ghastly countenance, said but very little
and verv rrlonmilv. nnd in all rpsnpnfq .in.
I j o j 1 . ..f.
ipeared more like a stranger from another
world than the humorous and agreeable
' physician. On his entering the room of
SallJi slie noticed the countenance of the
. doctor a?d discovering that something
? Pre?lnS .UP bi3 P"ta, as he did
not appear wiin ins wonteu cneeriumess,
so she inquired of him thc cause of his
. loom and depression, and begged him to
would probably be the last opportunity
he would have.
He told her it would be improper under
existing circumstances that as the time
of her dissolution was approaching it might
terrify and hasten her departure. She
entreated him to keep nothing from her
though it might relate to herself, for sho
was very desirous of knowing the worse
of thc case, and was prepared to meet it,
be it what it might. He still declined
disclosing the cause of his melancholy;
and insisted that her remaining strength
I mi 1
was insufficient to sustain the shock which
it must necessarily produce; and beired
her to turn her thoughts to other and more
appropriate subjects. Though Sally sup-
posed herself dying, yet she was unwilling
ofjto die wjthout havfn
T her curiosity crati-
V mT
fied, and she therefore the more strongly
importuned the doctor to keep her no lon
ger in suspense. After getting her curi
osity and imagination on tip-toe, he con
sented. He said when the messenger came last
for him, he was in a sound sleep, and was
dreaming that hc was in the land of woe
that Beelzebub was conducting him to
thc various rooms of the prison of despair,
for the purpose of showing him their ar
rangement that in passing thc door of a
room in which some young Satans lodged
: he saw them jumping and skipping about
uooi, auuiiig wica
trU0 SataniO ClliphaSlS, "Go to bed, I Say,
1 aud gct so,ue SCP, fov old Sail Strictlaud
no sleep in purgatory for a fortniht."-
Miss Sally sprang for tho broom, but tho
'doctor caichin" up bis saddle bas mado
hi3 cscape. The cure was effectual.
63" A young widow was asked why she
waa goinnr to take another husband so soon
after the death of her first. "O, la !" said
Bhe, "J do it to prevent frettin mvself to
" - -
death on the account of dear Tom!"
ID3 Shanghae fowls grow
of such size in
Iowa that they use them to plough with in
stead of jackasses. They are full as sjLrong,
and hot a great deal more clumsy.
Those of our readers who have heard bf
the road which was "not passible not. even
jackassible," will find the following twin verso
not much worse :
" This road is not crossible;
No, not even horsible.
So try not to 'went it.'
Or else you'll repent j,t."
' Jim,' said one fast man, ydcfrdly-i to
ll L..1 ll .1 1 A .t
uer, ic 13 rcporieu mat ,5'suieitjtho
L nn onnnnTif. rh? frtlt?". lmifv.,noif ?
East on aocouafc of your b.elie&anitiner-
--m.
ant martyr.'
1 "Tft. " KAWXtr. S 4?
1 " W m1- lW
.thatAVQu
. believed every thing you;sa,w. belonedntQ
you, and aa thc public didn't, ydffllfV
J

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