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JL SJcootcu to politics, Citcroturc, Agriculture, Science, iilovnut", emu cncral 3ntelligcucc. VOL. 34. STROUDSBURG, MONROE COUNTY, PA., JANUARY 18, 1877. NO. 32. Published by Theodore Schoch. Terms Tiro dollars a year in advance and if not paid before th-i eud f the year, two dollars aud fifty ientj will b charged. paner discontinued until all arrearages are aid except at the option of the Editor. ' 0- Advertisement of one square of (eiirlit lines) or Itt one or three insertion ?1 50. E:i-h additional in .trtian 50 cents. Longer ones in proportion. J OK 1EIITIXG OF ALL KINDS, Ececated in the highest style of tho Art, and on the most reasonable tonus. 1) R. NATHANIEL C. MILLER, Physician and Surgeon. OIa and residence: Corner Main and Pocono Street, Stkocdsbitug, Pa., Office hours from 7 to S a. m., 1 to 2 and 7 to S p. m. Oct. 25, 137G-tf. ' T II. SUi'LL, 31. O. Second dor belorr Burnett House. Residence lad dflir we-t of IioVite Quaker Church. O&cts b.ur S to 9 a. in., 1 to 3 p. m., U to 9 p. iu. jar 25, lS7-tf. IMijsician aud Surgeon, STROUDSIHTRG, Pa. OSie, fonierly occupied 1y Dr. Seip. Residence with J. Ill Miller, US'! door bcl jw thi j-;"rs.iniau Office. Oflke hours, 7 to 9, 1:1 to 3 and o to 3. Jlty 11, IS7t.-tf. D ft. X. I,. SEC2, Surgeon tiezilist. 4"3ct In Jas. Elin;T's new building, nearly opposite lln itroud-iburj l'.ank. Gas adiuuistered for extacling wbiB d-"ired. giraudVour. Pa. Jan. V"-t f. X. GHO. vV. JACI1SOX flllSICllX, SUKGEOX AND AlTOlTHEiu. f!E?9 in Samuol Tloi' new bui!J"inr. nearly op ytiin the pvt oi'Scl-. Residence on Sarui street, kT FranViin. August 8,'7-Mf D1VII S. LKJ3, Attorney at ILavr, Ono door above the "Stroudsbtirg House," 8troudsbur, Pa. Collections promptly made. October 22, 1874. "iinriLso. rcistsox, IT Notary iu!2Ic, R?al Estate and Insurance Agent and CONVEYANCER. TUlf teirchtd and Conveyancing in all its Iriiche carrfully and promptly attended to. JLcknovledgmenU taken for other Stales. 05ce, Kistler's Brick Building near theR.R. Depat, EA.ST STROUDSBUEG, PA. P. O. Box 20. September 2S, 1S7G. tf. Surveyor, Conveyancer and Esal Estate Agent. Paras. Timber Lands and To77n Lots FOR SALE. OfBce mearly opposite American Houes and 21 door below the Corner Store. Mirch '1 lS73-tf. DR. J.LANTZ, SURGEON & MECHANICAL DENTIST. "till bat hi ot&ee on Mnin utreet, in the second atory t Dr. S. Walton's brick buiHin?, u"ar!y r.pposhe. the traadsbiirjf House, and he Hater hiiufi-if that by eih years eouUaut practice and thii uiot earm.-st and areful attention to all matters p 'riairiii to his pro fiion. that h i.s fully a'ole to perform all oM-ra!ioi!s It tbe deutal line in the iuo.t careful and skillful luau- r. Special attention Rireu to saving the Natural Teeth; lo, t the luertin of Artificial Teeth on Kubber, Cold, Silre r, or Continuous Gums, and perfect fit in ail iai in iu red. Mot persons know the preat folly and danger of en tnutinjf their work.to the iucxperieiicod. or to those li 1 at a distance. April l.i, 174. tf. Opposition toHumbuggsryl Tlit unJersignfid hereby announces that h has re fmti bus!oes at the old'itaud, next door to Kusttr's O.thing .Store, Main street, St roudsburg, I'a., and Is 'tlly prepared to accommodate all in want of BOOTS and SHOES, d In the latest tyle and of good material. Iiepair 'Jt promptly attented to. Give me n -nll. lSTS-ly.J C. LEWIS WATERS. $ TOOK PAPER nAJEE5, GLAZIER AND PAINTER, MONROE STREET, Nearly opposite Kautz's Blacksmith Shop, Strouosbi'ro, Pa. The undersigned would respectfuflj in 'orai the citizens of Stroudsburg and vicinity tbt he is now fully prepared to do all kinds f Paper Hanging, Glazing an J Paintinjr, Promptly and at short notice, and f fiat he ill keep constantly on hand a fine tock of jper Hangings of" all descriptions and at J0 prices. The patronage of the public. earnestly solicted. May 16, 1872. Dwelling House for Sale. A Tery desirable two story Dwelling HouRe, eontaiu- l OK seven riMmir., one of which U suitable ior a More Koom, itnat ua Main trf, in the IWroub of Mroudsburg. The tbuildiugis nearly new, aud every fart Lofitia good condition. Tor teriua Ac., at this office. f Dec. 9, lS75-tf. TOB PRINTING, of all kinds neatly ex J ecuted at this office. m. a mk THE PRESIDENCY. STinniXQ ADDRESS T.V CONGRESSMAN BLAIR, OF NEW-HAMPSHIRE HAYES AND WHEELER ELECTED AND MUST EE INAUGURATED. Hon. Henry Vr. Blair, of the Third District of New-Hampshire, was introduced in the Republican Convention, at Concord on Wednesday, after his nomination for re-election, and made a speech of acceptance, iu the course of which he forcibly said: We do not know the events of the next two months. We hope for peace. Our recent history, the threats, machinations, and secret treasonable organizations and preparations of infatuated and turbuleut demagogues among the Democracy, ad monish us that insurrection is not impossi ble. We must preserve the Constitution and the laws, the right of suffrage in its integrity for all men, black and white, and enforce acquiescence iu the decrees of the popular will when fairly ascertained, what ever may be the nature of the resistance which we encounter. This is the first duty of patriotic conservatism, aud that duty we shall perform. Let it be so understood. There should be no room for misappre hension by any person or party. Let there be no fatal mistake. We shall preserve peace, peaceably if possible, but we shall conquer a peacj if necessary. The calmness of the Republican Party is born of its conscious strength, the justice of its cause, and the loft' patriotism of its purposes. The party is not simply the support of Ilaj-es and Wheeler. It is the country's only champion of order and law. Let not those whose capital has been bluster council, ferocity on the platform, fraud and cruelty toward the ignorant and defenseless, and pusillanimity in the presence of stern sac rifices, which great exigencies of their own creation re;uired of the American people 'et not sueh men mistake the loyal quiet of the Kepubiicau Party for indiHerenee or cowardice. Three months of intrigue and stealth and secret practice in the haunts of I treason are not necessar' to prepare the Republican Party aye, the loyal men of this whole nation without distinction of party fur the crusade of liberty, if madmen and demagogues choose to precipitate blood. Forty millions of people would be armed and Stabilised in a day, and iu the eud an indignant nation would vindicate the uses of the gallows, ami ornament its hideous timbers with these conspirators against the public peace. The Democratic I 'arty, through the State Committee, tender to us in substance Tildeu or revolution. We tender to them, as we propose to ourselves, submission to the Cons; i:ution and the laws, or to the severest peii.ihies of their viola tion. When the crisis comes upon that issue, it must be, and it will be, sternly met. And it is a source of unfading con fidence and hope that God has placed at the head of our affairs a chief magistrate firm, sagacious, resolute, incorruptible, and patriotic, who has done as much for his country and mankind as any man in any land whoever drew the sword or controlled the helm of the ship of .tate. Patriotic men of all parties and the masses of all parties are patriotic must be cool because tiiere is danger. Let us fol low the counsels, and we shall reach the solutions', of peace. Methods known to the law are ail-sufiicient. Let us hope that time and the presence of real danger will clog the tongues of these blatant con querors and mollify the borrid'front of this paper and platform war. lint this is no ease for compromise. There is nothing to compromise. Either Hayes or Tilden is elected and one of them should be in augurated, and will be inaugurated, while the other must not be inaugurated be cause, as his opponent has been so he has not been, and cannot be, elected either by the people or by the House. I firmly believe that justice and the unimpeached forms of law now demonstrate the election of Mr. Hayes; aud I see nothing but suc cessful treason, which is revolution, that can prevent his triumphant succession to the Presidency of the United States. What may be hoped by the whole country from that event, may be inferred from his dignified bearing ever since, as well as before, his election, and from the elevated sentiments and broad patriotism which are exhibited in every act and utterance of his public life. To elect a President, and then tocompromi.se away his inauguration under threats of revolution or of violence or for plunder from any cause whatever is destruction of constitutional government. It is the establishment of a president which will abolish elections because in all future time, fraud and violence before, coupled with noise and threatening after, the decision cf the bal!ot-bot, will have only to follow that precedent in order to reverse the decrees of the people at the polls whenever it is more pleasant to threaten rebellion than to acquiesce iu the result of the laws of the land. A well known bald-headed banker, who always prides himself on being a self-made man. during a recent talk with a friend had occasion to r mark that be was the archi tect of his own destiny that he was a self made man. '-W-w-hat d-did you s-say ?" asked the friend, who stutters. Ml -ay with Tti ide that I am a self made man that I made myself," replied the banker. "Then while you were m-m-making your self," stammered his friend, "why the dickens d-did n't vou n-put some more h-hair on the t-top of your h-hcad !" "Brace up and have some style about you," said a boy to the gentleman who suddenly sat down on the sidewalk. GRAND FATHER'S FIRST PRAYER It was a terrible winter snow storm af ter snow storm, high winds every few days, so that we had enough to do, neighbor Ea ton and I, to take care of our cattle, keep warm and keep the paths open. Toward the last of February we had another terri ble storm. I worked pretty much all d ay shoveling, and was tired enough at ni'dit; so after I had toasted my feet aud sipped my mug of order, as it was about 8 o'clock, I told your grandmother I would go out and take a look at the cattle and go to bed. I found them all right, and was stand ing just outside the door here a minute, thinking, when I heard ''help ! help !" in a woman's voice that sounded as if it really came from the moon. "What's that, Pully ?" says I. "A woman calling for help. It must be from 'Thieves' Hole,' " said she, "and you must go aud get Eaton and' find out what it means." I knew she was right, and I put on my snow shoes aud went down to neighbor Ea ton's. At first I could not make them believe I had heard anything, but when I said Polly heard it too, they concluded that I was right, and Eaton began to get ready. Over beyond the crest of that line of hills, a valley dips down, about half the height of the hill from the plain lure, then rises up to a greater height beyond. A few years after this settlement was begun, a nest of English thieves broke "round there. They lived pretty much like brutes. At first we all joined and helped them get up their log houses, but we found out soon enough what a lot they were, aud let them alone. S ) we set off. It was a hard pull up the hill, but we had not got more than halfway down to the huts tliey were all close to getlier when we come upon a woman ly ing in the snow. She was almost dead, but as soon as we spoke she screeched out, 'Stand off! Don't touch me, or your're dead men !" We did not know what she meant at first, but she went on. "I'm most dead with small pox. We've all of us got it, and half of us are dead, I du'no but we'll all be off 'fore morning. After thinking and consulting a little, we pulled off our outer coats and tied the sleeves together, then spread them on the snow beside the woman, and she managed to roll on them, then we took hold of the corners, and carried her down : You em't imagine the horrors those three log huts contained. Twenty eight souls there were, all told, and seventeen of them lay dead of the small-pox, and all the rest horribly sick. The woman whom we had Irought in died almost as soon as she was within the walls. Eaton and I went outside and sat down in the snow to talk it over. We arranged that he should go back at once and speak to our wives, then go to Ilobart's and ar range to have him come up to the top of the hill every day, and we would go within speaking distance, and tell him what was wanted. So he pulled on the coat the woman had laid in, saying : "It don't matter much now," and started off. I began pulling the dead bodies out of the huts, and drcaful work it was, breath ing my own deatli every moment. Before Eaton got back, I had cleared one hut en tirely, and had all the sick ones in the other two. We did all we could for them. The se cond day a doctcr got there, but he said the moment he looked at them, they could not one live. And so it proved. Before the third day drew to a closJ, they were all gone. We had beca burying them as fast as we could, but the snow was so deep it was slow work. llobart found a man to nurse when our time came, and we got through as well as anybody could. During our convalescence the nurse had filled the huts up prcttj well with the driest wood he could find, and wheu the doctor said we might go home next day, llobart brought us up fresh clothes, and when we were ready to start, we set them all afire. I had never knelt down and prayed iu my life ; but when we were on the top of the hill, and looking one way saw three towers of yellow flame run ning up into columns cf black smoke, and looking the other way, the slender thread of smoke blue, as the heavens above, rising from my own hearthstone, where the sweet est woman God ever made was waiting and praying for me, I fell down on my kuee3 aud thanked God for my life, and promised to my first cbject in the future to love and serve him as my wife did. There U nothing so sweet as to be loved, except loving. By love we mean, of course, the true, rure love which is not a thing of the senses but of tbe soul love that is the outgrowth of goodues. What will not one do to win or keep such tenderness ? What will not one risk, or dare, or forsake for it? Is any journey log that ha; a love-kiss at the end of it? any duty hard that ce Lients the bouds between two hearts? - To be truly loved is the great reward life has to offer. And anyone who has a heart and doesn't mind showing it, who can put tside selfishness and be true to others, can Y.iu love. To have people temporarily in love with yon needs only beauty. To be beloved, one must have truth, tenderness, constancy, and responsiveness. Be good and do good, and despite all that is said about this world's ingratitude, seme one will love you.' ' . . . . . Thousands of base deceivers are hung every night on the backs of chairs. A BIG FIRE. GREAT DAMAGE TO THE MINES IN THE LYKENS VALLEY. A despatch from Ilarrisburg says : A terrifie fire has been ranging in the Lykens Valley anthracte mines of this county since Monday last, and all efforts to bring it into subjection have failed. It is hourly becoming more destructive and dam age to the amount of $1U0,0(K) had already been done. The fire is supposed to have orignated from a spark thrown from a miiier's lamp. It threatens to destroy the entire mining interests of this county which amount to over Sl,t00,000 a year. In eight hours after the fire broke out an areaf over 500 yards was burning, and now several mile of the mines are on fire. Already about 800 men have been thrown out of em ployment. All the miners escaped some of them with great difficulty. The heat is causing the earth above to f.r!l in immense pits. The course of Bear Creek, a small steam has been diverted into the mine but without visible salutary effects. The im pression is that the 'fire will not cease until it has no fuel to feed it. If will re quire about a year to repair the damage already done. The fire this morning had bumad its way a distance of 4S0 yards from the bottom gangway. ST. LOUIS PROUD OF ITS DOGS. The St. Louis Globe Democrat of the 5th iast. says : "The gentlemen connected with the St. Louis Kennel Club were very much gratified yesterday at the reception of several telegraphic dispatches stating that their entries had swept everything before them at the fair of the Maryland Poultry aud Dog Fanciers' Association being held at Baltimore. To explain what follows it should be stated that when the St. Louis Fair Association decided to give a bench show last Fall two members of the Kennel Club were induced to take charge of the affair. As only 8100 had been devoted to this branch of the exhibition, the gen tlemen referred to decided to confine the premiums to pointers and setters, thercby throwing out most of their own dogs ; but even then the St. Louis Club carried off all the honors, the superiority of their en tries being apparent to every one. The show at Baltimore commenced on Tuesday. The St. Louis Kennel Club sent on ten dog3 and a number of pups to be exhibited with them. Of this number, however, only six were entered for prizes, namely, the imported English setter Rock, the impor ted Irish setters Elcho, Erin, Rose, and Loo 2d, the native setter bitch Kate, and the pointer bitch Lily. Out of these six entires the St. Louis Club won three first and two second prizes, as follows : Best imported English setter dog, first prize, Rock ; best imported Irish setter dog, first prize, Elcho ; best imported Irish setter bitch, first prize, Loo ; best native English setter bitch, second prize, Kate ; best poin ter bitch, second prize, Lliy. To make the superiority of the St. Louis entires over all others more binding, if such a thing were needed, it may be added that all the special prizes were carried off by the St. Louis dogs, including the grand prize of $100 for the best setter or pointer bitch ; $25 for the best setter dog cr bitch, cither native or imported ; 825 for the best English set ter dog for stud purposes, taken by Rock ; 825 for the best brace of setters of any strain, taken by Elcho and a case of stuffed birds for the best Irish setter bitch, also taken by Loo." FALLING IN LOVE. There is nothing no moral or intel lectual phenomena more strange than fall ing in love. What it is : whence it ori-jfi-nates ; how it is brought about ; these things are among the hidden mysteries of our na ture. A girl has reached the age of eighteen ; a young man that of twenty-one. They hare lired at home ; traveled a little j pur sued their studies ; attended parties, and been a good deal in the society of other voung people ; yet they never took a very deep interest in anything in particular ; neither of them ever cared very much for any other person. They meet, and lo ! of a sudden, all is changed ! Each sees the other in a differ ent light from what any other was ever seen in : the whole world seems changed. Life itself is changed : their whole being is changed, to be like what it was, again, nevermore ! Love is often as sudden as this, but not always. Sometimes it is of very slow growth. Persons have known each other for years, and been much in each other's society, and been intimate all this time, but never think ing of a tie stronger than friendship : when some incident of event a temporary part ing, or the intervention between them of a third person, friend or stranger reveals to them, for the first time, the great truth that they are mutually iu love. Yet tliis love, springing up gradually and imperceptibly, is no less mysterious and unfathomable than that which is sud den aud at first sight. . It is not mere friendship grown strong : it is a more absorbing, more violent, more uncontrollable sentiment. Whether a person can fall in love more than once is a mooted question. Some people appear to fall in love many times. It is not unusual to see widowers, who have been very devoted husbands, marry again and seem to love the second wife just as well as the first. A CONJUGAL CONTRACT. IIOAV A MASSACHUSETTS COUPLE MARRIED THEMSELVES. From the Boston Herald, Dec. JJ1. Those who know Moses Hull, aud they arc not few, that he is an avowed believer in what is termed free love, or mating with out the ceremony of marriage ns performed by preachers and Justices of the Pence, and that he practices what he preaches. He has, in many written articles and iu speeches from numerous rostrums, demand ed, and continues to demand, that all marriage laws shall be repealed, and that parties may be allowed to marr and divorce themselves under a general law of contracts. The law-makers have not yet seen fit to comply with the demands made by Moses, but notwithstanding this fact, his teachings and practices have been followed by his daughter, Mary Florence Hull, a plump brunette, who has entered into a conjugal partnership with a good-looking and apparently vigorous young man. and the firm name is Hull & Johnson. Tues day evening last, while a p:rty of friends were g ithered at the residence of Moses, to wish him a pleasant trip to Vineland, N. J., and a safe deliverance from the court there which summoned him to trial for practicing what he preached, his daughter, Mary Florence, and Horace Alvin Johnson, a clerk in a leather store on High street, walked into the room and requested Moses to read the following : BUSINESS AND CONJUGAL CONTRACT BE TWEEN MARY FLORENCE HULL AND HORACE ALVIN JOHNSON. We, vhos3 names are hereunto fixed, do, on this twenty-sixth day of December, in the year one thousand eight hundred and seventy-six of the Christian era, enter into a busines and conjugal contract : the firm to be known as Hull and Johnson. We regard ourselves as, in every sense of the word, equal partners, promising to strive to treat each other, under all circum stances, as becomes such. We promise that we will not try in any other way than by advice or persuasion to control the actions of each other. Believing that neither Church nor State have any business with our affairs, we propose to live onr own lives without reference to cither, further than, if neces sary, to give security to the Commonwealth of Massachusetts that our children, should we be blessed with offspring, shall be, at least, as well eared for as are a majority of those born in legal wedlock. We further contract that when mutual love shall no longer justify our conjugal union, we shall part, giving the State as little trouble iu our parting as we have in coming together. After the contract was read the parties called for criticism. If their union was not right, or the document was not right, they wanted to know it. Brief remarks embodying approval and good wishes were made by friends, after which Florence and Horace stepped forward and signed the copartnership document. A reporter called at the house of Florence and Horace, No. 30 Hudson street, at 'J:30 o'clock Saturday evening, and the news paper Paul Pry was very politely informed by the masculine member of the firm, that they were very happy and contented. A Race of Lion witli Tails Reported. From the Fall Mall Gazette. A Wcsleyan missionary, Rev. George Brown, has returned in safety from an exploration of twenty months on the un known coasts of New-Britain and New Ireland. He crossed tlie latter island whieh he found well populated. "No white man was ever seen inland before, but no opposi tion was offered to the explorers. A dif ficulty was experienced in getting the natives to go any distance from their villages, as they are so often at war with one another. Plenty of proofs of cannibalism were found. One of the party, on going into one house to light his pipe, saw a woman roasting the thigh and leg of a man who was killed the day before' The exploring part)- were interested in the curious legend of the tribe of "tailed men" which is met with in many unciyiUzed countries, but they did not; unfortunately, succeed in getting any further than second-hand testimony. "The natives," it is stated, "of Blanche Bay, New-Britain, affirm posit vely the existence of a race of men with tails at a plac.J called Kali, and deny indignantly that they are meukeys, asking if monkeys could fight with spears, plant yams, make houses, &C." But it is significantly added that the interesting race dwell iu the interior of the country, "where no white person has ever pene trated." Mr. Cockerell, a naturalist, who accompanied the expedition, had special opportunities of research. Hewasdetaind for some time as a hostage in New-Britaiu, and was engaged in "collecting" upon New Ireland for five months. He found the natives "very friendly," but he does not otherwise give them a good character. "They are all dreadful cannibals, and there is a strange custom in New-Ireland which requires that a chief's daughter shall be kept in a cage within her father's Louse until she is of a marriageable age. The cnge scarcely gives her room to move, and the cannot leave it during any part of the day, though she is allowed to take a stroll with near relatives after uightf all. Wheu a chief dies his body is wrapped up and placed in a tree, and the poor eople are put in canoes in the sea to float away. The natives have large plantations, and work about two days in the week. The' live chiefly ou bananas, eoeoanuts, aud pork, but they also indulge in human flesh." "i .I'm. in jwuiiihi ajh .u JHHUHI in tf j uuj l.h wu A STUDENT OF DIVINITY". A minister who does not believe in im- mersion for baptism. Was holding protracted meeting, and one night he preached on the subject of baptism. Iu the course of his remaks, he said that some believed it necessary to go down into the water and come out of the water to be baptized. But this he claimed to be a fallacy, for" the proposition "into" of the scriptures should be rendered differently, as it does not mean "into" at all times. "Moses," he said, "we are told, went up into the moun tain, and our Savior was taken into high mountain, etc. Now we do not suppose; that cither went into the mountain, but upon it. So with going down into the wa ter ; it meai;3 going down close by or near to the water, and being baptized in the or dinary way by sprinkling." He carried out this idea fully, and in due season and style closed his discourse, when he gave an invitation to any one who felt so disposed, to rise and express their thoughts. Quite a number of the brethern arose and said that they were glad they had been present on this occasion ; that they were well pleased with the sound sermon they had just heard, and felt their souls greatly blessed. Finally a corpulent gentleman of Teutonic extraction, a stranger to all, arose and broke a slience that was almost painful, as follows :' "Mr 'readier, I vos so glad I vos here to night, for I has explained to my mind some tings I never could pelieve pefore Ye read, Mr. Preacher, that Daniel vas cast into dc den of lions, .and came out alive. Now, I never could pelieve dat, for do wild leasts vould shust cat him up right off, put now it ish very clear to my mind. He vas shust cast close py or near to, and did not get into the den at all. "Oh, I vas so glad I vas here to-night f Den ve read dat de Hebrew children vas cast into de fiery furnace, aud dat, sir, al vays looked like a pecg story, too, for dey vould have pc-en burnt up ; put it ish all plain to me now, for dey vas shut cast close py or near to de fiery furnace. Oh, I vas so glad I vas here to-night! And den, Mr. Preacher, it ish said dat Jonah vas cast into de sea and into de whale's belly. Now I never could pelieve dat. "It alvays seemed to be a peegfish story, put it ish all plain now ; he vas not taken into de whale's pelly at all, put shnst shumped onto his back to ride ashore. Oh, I vas so glad I vas here to-night ! And now, Mr. Preacher, if you vili shust ex plain two more passages of descripturcs, I shall pe so happy dat I vas here to night. One of dem ish vcre it says, de vicked shall pe cast into de lake dat purns with fire and primstoues alvays. "Oh, Mr. Preacher, shall I pe cast info dat lake if I am vicked, or shust close py or near to shust near enough to pe com fortable ? Oh, I hopes you vill tell me I shall pe cast shut py, good way off, and I will be very glad I vas here to night. "The other passage ish dat vhich says 'Plessed are dey who do dese command ments, dat dey may have a right to de tree of life, and enter in through de gates into de city.' Oh, tell me I shall get into de city, and not shut close py or near to, shust near enough to see vat I have lost, and I shall be so happy dat I vas here to-night!" He sat down with the impression made on many minds present, that it would do to take the bible for only what it clearly says. A housekeeper sent Bridget out one morning to buy some heads of lettuce. She returned with postage stamps. When asked how she made the mistake she pertly answered, "An' sure, wasn't I told to get heads of letters ?"' "Excuse this bit of sarcasm," said Smith to Jones, "but I must say that you are an infameus liar and scoundrel." "Pardon this bit cf irony," said Jones to Smith, as be knocked him over with the poker. . The Huntingdon Globe says that a flag man on one of the passenger trains of the Pennsylvania railroad, during the late cold spell, had his nose and cars so badly frozen that they had to be taken off. Some men are like cats. You may stroke the fur the right way for years ;-nd hear nothing but purring; but accidentally' treat on the tan, and all memory of former kindness is obliterated. A Boston man committed suicide be cause Tilden was elected A Seda!ia(Mo.) man has committed sucide because Tilden was defeated. "I'm saddest wheu I sing," said a Sun day evening warbler. "And so's the whole neighborhood !" roared an unmusical voice iu the street. An editor wishes no bodily harm to his subscribers, but he hopes that some of them will be seized with a remittent fever. Truth kin take kare of its self, but a lie has got to be watched az karcful az a tore thuni, says Josh Billings. 0 , . . A man who drinks lightly is now called "a Durham," because Le.is of the "short horn" breed. When is the doctor most annoyed? When he is out of patients. All a mau who is hard-up wants is to be let a-loan.