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t Somerset Herald
Piililifnf.ion hins ui " I rrrry WedncMlsy corning ml 'nn-jm "!" ' " J ,.,R..-!U-!' I ' ' l discontinued until J .re phI'1 P- Postmaster, ne- i CfV US When wk:"v uw -.ill he held responsible t their pa I-" ? nben rr:llo ig from one postofflce to I..boulJven.M - L ;1 M (lie pr olHc- A'1Jr" ' . . Dralin SuMUtllKT, Pi ' iFvSitY notary ri-Bua Pa. f .- ..?.i h A Ruppct i-"1""' r n E. MEVKIIS, 1 u loliS fc -AT-LAW , - i.svtfi -Somerset, Penn'f - i-uiiJ'-i'S-2'1 fir- r , rtitru-u-d to bin care will be at- - - a - r-i- h A WALKER, aitvkm:vs-at-iw. ud NOTARY 1'I BUC, Somerset, Fa. . . - II. .11. ,. piiMtcLOU.. Am'"-"-1;" . , 'XEV-AT-LAW, Somerset Pa. rf; a-kV M. BERKLEY, 7 Alloi;.NtV-Al-LAW, iromt.-rM.-t, Pa. .. . . ... i !.. 11. 1 i:t ' f u umIv-at-uw, ' -somerset, Pa. i ;:(;E ii- si I'LL, a ' . - - .somerset. Pa. ;. V. 'IKSEt'KER, Somerset. Pa. I Fraa.' House Row, opposite Court AllX'KX EY-AT-LA W, toiucrct, Pa. ATH-.UXEY-AT-LAW, -Somerset, Pa. J. U. LHitE. iA"TZ & CHiLE, . . , ....Vv.ir.t itr All uu. 1- - , Somerset, Fa. t :pnmu t attention to business eu , ii. ir i-jiv in soiiiersct and adjoining iu I'rint iluUK ttow, opposite t. lii Hi-- -jIentise hay, A 1 1 ll-.l "l-l , Noiiieret, Ia. drT u Kua! tat. Will att-nd to .tiiiruru-d U uinn ith rulupl- . Willi v. 4 - is 11. i" 1 iii I hxmu-nH't, Pa. V n.tn :'.v atUnd to all bumiMsw eu v ; .1 tiini." Mwim-- dvu:el oil colleo- VBux 111 MulllluolU OKU It. : 0. KIM MEL, A 1 i Oli. L -A 1 -l-A , SkMiwniet, Pa. :eui toBll Imsim ?utruu-d to bi . ........f u.l 11 iltllllir (k!llttlH- Willi -.11 J naviity. iuIkvoii Main Croa i rr;ii, ATi'iKX fc.Y-AT-l.AW, fcionw-rxt-t, I"a. 1 Mutuuioth Bl'k, up muini. En 1 V.1111 1 rii Hiwt. t .li-Uoii w UI.tI. lilli i aliiili-d, uud all n- aiuuard to Willi iiruiiipuit 1.11. iilX. U C CULBOKX. UJlLN 4 (X)LHOllX, A1H tUN E Y&-AT-LA W, Soiucrxt, Pa. ;r.n i1nit-d to our rare will be .. ai.u Ltiiiilully aKiitli-d to. Collt'C- 1. 111 iiiiirf'L, i-ulira aud adjoiu- . at'lllK uud couvc-ynucliig aiMrllaUlt Icrillh. . BAKU, AllUllt)-AI -A-A W , -joii.f iu SoiiM'rwt mid adjoining An l.uin -itru.u-u to liuu will -H:;l MlU'litloU. t i ll. T11. W. U. KITPEL. (liolU i IU I'1'EL, A I I UH.N E Y !-A 1-l-A W, !oiiM-n-t, Ta. -.ntwHiirurtt-d to tin ir care will be f ii.J i'U!i. iu.illy Ktu uded to. Uiliit g iim-i oioMl MauiiuoUl I j. CAKOTlIKIfcS M. D-, i 1,UK1A. asiiM lloEOX, fSoiuinitt, 1'a, u r:r...t strwt. near K. IL fetation. I'. F. SIIAFFEII, I UYMCIAX ami SURGEON. iSoiuerwt, 1'a. hii tirnfiKliktLul b-rvit to the t.iiKiMi and it-mity. Ottiw next f" uiuuit-n-ul ImU-L J. M. I.OriHEIt, 1HYM. I AX AM.il RGEOX, 1. llaiu :nx t, rir ol lirug ktore. H. S. K I MM ELL, " r'f-ionul wr-U to the citi ourrsrt amj VK-iimy. Liiln proven.- ,f 1 t... .. . 1 ... 1. U 1-..KI ,,l ll.i.,..ll.l ! f Mi MILLKX, iiinniuau-in iit uuMry.) .fu.-il Amtlrlal et llli- rl.-d. m L. H. Ii-avi, to More, ii Cr.iM. ud 1'alru.l ktrveta. P- wfi:otii, Funeral Director. Mniii Crj st, IUiacnoe, Patriot SL h! Estate and Collecting 3 K IWhr Agency. filing to t.uy or a.11 Uniinor town ii. n t ciimiy or riM-wlx-re. are at our..mv 111 KiD'pinT l.lork. i ii': .ii mili Im-given toail 11u.1l in. V'lMnn; ,n.-m and lotxtioti f pri- ... iwoeein xtaiup to pre- E11Ei: A HEAtHY. Kueppcr Min k. rHuuerM-t, Pa. ils! Oils! o mi".?00-' -ltlbug fprt- nating & Lubricating Oils PbtUa & Gasoline, 1 from Prti.YiM,m -x ? ..a. tt viur """-" itL even-known pduct of Petroleum f1" nt uniformly tisfaetory Oils -IN THE Fierican arket, 1 0Urv Trade for Romemet and vicini- J nupplied by ty-K BEERITS and HEAsE A KOUtER, Bonwraet, Pa. 1 lie VOL. XLIV. KO. -THE- First National Banlc Somerset, Penn'a. Capital, S50.000. Surplus, S20.000. DEPOSITS RECEIVED IN LaMOE AMOSMALL ACCOUNTS OF MERCHANTS, FARMERS. STOCK DEALERS, AND OTHERS SOLICITED DISCOUNTS DAILY. BOARD OF DIRECTORS. LaRUE M. HICKS, GEO. It. K.TLL, JAMES L. Pl tilL, W. H. MILLER, JOHN" R. SCXJTT, ROBT. H. bCULI FREU W. BIESECKEK. EDWARD .SCULL, : : PRESIDENT. ALEXTINE HAY', : VICE PRESIDENT. HARVEY M. BERKLEY. . CASHIER. The funds and necuriti of this bank are se curely protected In a celebrated Coklihs BCR glab Pkoof Sake. The 0'1'i' "-- made abso lutely burglar-proof. He taBt Cocntv National BAN K OF SOMERSET PA. tttablUM, 1877. Orgiil' Rttlentt. 1890 CAPITAL, $50,000 SURPLUS AND UN- DIVIDED PROFITS 5lt,UUU. O: Chas. I. Harrison. Pres't. Wm. H. Koontz, Vice Prest. Milton J. Pritts, Cashier. Directors: SAMUEL SXY'DEI, WM. ENDS LEY, JOSIAH SPECHT. JONAS M. tXM.K, JuHX H. SXYIiER, JOHN STl'FKT, JOSEPH B. DAVIS. NOAH S. MILLER, HARRISON SNYDER, JEROME STL'FKT, SAM. B. HARRISON'. Cuntomern of this lwnk will nTt-ivethrmoRt ml treHtnietit niniKteiit with sitU' banking. I"arti- wibliine to wild money raw or wi can le nccumiiioditteU by dnilt for auy mount. Monev and valuables wen red by one or lie bold'v cek-bratt-d safit-, with ut improved time ba-k. Collections made in all purtD or the L nltea States. Cliar)i inialerate. Accounts and uepovii aollciteo. Wild & Anderson, Iron & Brass Founders, Engineers and Machinists and En sin Builders. -Manufai-turers of- COAL CAR WHEELS and AXLES. New ami tietunil-linnJ Machinery, SJiaftiiiK, HangiTs and Pulleys, lnje-tors, Liiliricators, tlil Cuuk, Klc .- . ERECTING OF MACHINERY SPECIALTY Strictly F:rt-CU Work Guaranteed. Shop on Hroail St., lit ar O. DojMit Johnstown, - Pa. T5E ART AMATEUR. Bet and Largest Practical Art Magazine. (The only Art Priodical awarded a Medal at the v. uriu rairj Inrxjuatif to off u ho truJi In mil ih- ir VriM nri or ! male tin ir tunm't fc aa.a lOrt lUC. we aillsend toanyone a fC nieutioiiii ttiia puUiCAli.Hi a apeci SI I 1 uen eoor with u:rii eo'or pia-ei" II I (lor enpviugo- Iraming and K ni(..:e X J menury pages of deaigua (regular .licc Sm). Or rnn r) r we will tend alo "Paintina rUn ZOCt forBejinneM-laui! MONTAGUE MARKS, 23 Union Square, New York. ARTISTIC JOB PRINTING A SPECIALTY. IIAIIUY 31. BEXSUOFF, MAHUFACTURIHQ STATIOMER -AND BLANK BOOK MAKES HAXNAM BLOOT, Johnstown, Pa. 12. That Tired Feeling So common at this season, is a serious condition, liable to lead to disastrous results. It is a sure tlzn of declining health tone, and that the hlooj is im poverished and impure. The best and most successful remedy is found in HOOD'S Sarsaparilla Which makes rich, healthy blood, and urns gives strenfrili to the nerves, elas ticity to the muscles, vigor to the bmln and health to the whole body, la irum, iioou a rrsapariua Makes the Weak Strong Be sure to get Hood's and only Nood'i Hood's Pills are purely vegetable, j--fectlv harmless, always reliable and bcnefii'i Campbell & "The People's Store." Smith. Stock Taking Over. . . Our Surplus Stock is much larger than wc expected. We find many lots of goods that mu?t W. sold during August, before t!ic arrival of our Fall Importations, September 1st. Price . , . . . will be no object we will not carry tlicsc goods into another season, so look out for extraordinary values during August ia Domestics, Linen Goods. Wash Goods, SUks, Dress Goods, Ladies' Waists. Ladies' Wraps, Millinery, Ladies' and Gents Underwear, Carpets, Curtains, Upholstery Goods, Furniture, Housefurnishing Goods, China Ware, &c. . Watch the Pittsburg Daily Papers for Particulars. Campbell & Smith, Fifth Avenue, PITTSBURGH, PA. Jacob D. Swank, Watchmaker and Jeweler, Next Door West of Lutheran Church, Somerset, - Pa. I Am Now prepared to supply the public with Clocks, Watches, and Jew elry of all descriptions, as Cheap a the Cheajient. REPAIRING A SPECIALTY. All work guaranteed. Look at my stock before making your purchases. J. D. SWANK. A. H. HUSTON, Undertaker and Embalmer. A GOOD HEARSE, nd everything pertainiac to funerals turn Uhrd. SOMERSET - - Pa omer SOMERSET, PA., CASABICEANKIA. The xirl sat on the baseball stand All but her beau had AmI, And he, poor chap, could not demand Relief front what she sittd; "Why dot the pitcher throw it so?" She murmured in dismay, "Such actions violent, you know, His awk ward moves display. Why docs he so expectorate Upon the snow-white ball? Was he not taught until too late That that's not nicest all Why does that fellow don a cairo And let his voice resound In cries of "Striker awak'ning rage In thoe upon the ground Why do the runners always full And slide upon their fact or else they do not care at all Upon some other place? Why do the people murmur 'Rank? He lias no rank, 'lit plain; Why dw tlmt player, linn and lank, Seem in such awful pain? AVhy docs the catcher wear that pad Close to hi bosom pressed? And why has not the other lutd His clothes cut like the rest? Why dis that player s-ing the wood In such a reckless way And question, as no man should, Wlia t those behind him suy? Why do the men such colors wear- But there she turned her head. And then at last, became aware Her escort had dropped d.-ad. .Vronul'ii Stair Journal. REMIXISCEXCES. Odd Characters. When the Kterunl City that sat upon the Seven Hills was in the zenith of her glory all roads led to Itome, the renter then, ofjall civilization, of all science anil pomp and power. So too, when the old pike was in its glory, it led to IVtemburg from all the surrounding country, to which place pilgrims and Grangers, wayfarers and travelers, turned their faces and footsteps in search of business, pleasure or recrea tion, as the Mohammedan turns his face towards Mecca. Turkeyfoot, to which all the County must pay tribute, because of its priority of settlement, for it was there the first settlement in the County was made, furnished many juaiiit characters, whose memory will always remain green in Addison. Ma jor Hanna, because of his wonderful strength, as well as other eccentricities of character, has been mentioned more frequently, perhas, than any other person, in the various centennial pa- icrs, during the last several months. Taken, all in all, he was, prolmbly, as curious a character as any the County ever produced. He had more original ity of action and conversation, con nected with great wit and intelligence, than most men ; but other odd charact ers whose homes were iu Turkeyfoot, and who were well known to the older itizens, were frequent visitors to Ad dison. Among the old settlers of Tur keyfoot, Unities those who came there as early as 17r, and whose names have lttt'ii mentioned in various paers, were the Colborns, Tannehills, Drakes, Kushes and many others, who were all well known here. Notwithstanding that part of the County was settled so much earlier than this, their only method of communication with the outside world seems to have been by pack-horse trail, as tiefore mentioned, or at least by a very ior excuse for a road, for quite a iiuihIrt of years; and it was not until ISraddock's,or tiie Old Hoad was completed, that they had any other method, lty the Old Iload is meant a wagon road which followed, very nearly, Ilraddock's route, and was iu use when the pike was made. In Hiking lack over the jwist, the writer j R-meiiilicrs a great many of the old set tlers whom he knew, and whom he used to see, Uvide others, of whom he has heard, who came regularly to 'etersburg. There were men among them who, under other circumstances, would have l-en cavaliers, crusaders, Cromwel- lians. martyrs anything that would have required patience, courage and sacrifice. Sylvester Colliorn, of Eng lish descent, as honest a man as ever lived, would have followed the Black 'rince into the jaws of death, or have ridden rough-shod over disaster and de feat on blood-stained battle-fields. His son, than whom a better or braver man never lived, Sylvester Colliorn Jr., laid his life on the altar of his country, a icarious sacrifice, when all there was iu life seemed brightest and most glo rious to him. The old Jennings, of whom mention has frequently Iwen miL', was of the material of which martyrs are made, and, had he lived iu the days of the Inquisition, would have suffered mar tyrdom for principle. The A brains, the Sjieiicers and all those sturdy Anglo-Saxons, were men of whom any country or community might lie proud; the kind of men who made this country great with its free dom and its enlightenment, its science and its arts, its glory and its renown. They reclaimed the land, ami planted that most glorious and prolific of all seeds: the seed of human liberty and equality. Sylvester Colborn was a very queer character ; a man of great intelligence, native talent and wit. He had the u a fort u ua te hubi t of occasionally "1k ik ing upon the w ine wheu it was red ;" but for the matter of that, the color made very little difference to him. On one occasion Uen. I loss was canvassing the County, and happened to meet Mr. ColUtrn in Somerset. They were great friends, and Colborn intended to vote for the Ocneral, who was in conversa tion with another party. Colborn list ened awhile, when he said, tutito voce, "O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, how often would I have gathered you together, but you would not; a pretty pair they are; one a horse-faced Methodist, the other pretty d d comfortable." His humor seemed to arise spontaneously, without any previous thought, when ever occasion required. He was a frieud of everybody, and everybody was his friend. Another character lived in Turkeyfoot, who, in his way exceeded anything, or anybody the writer has ever kuown. His name was, say Jones, for that was not his name; John was his front name; the big eater, as the man was usually called, and his great "forte" was in his ability to cat more victuals than any man whoever was in this country. He was only a medium sized man, somewhat stooped, raw boned, thin of visage, and spare in flesh. Where that man stowed the set ESTABLISHED 1827. WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 4, 1895. vituals he could eat at any given sit ting, has always been a mystery to the writer. He lived somewhere north from where Ursiua now is, and was in the habit of paying rather frequent periodical visits to acquaintances in the neigh borhood of Petersburg. He would start from his home in the morning, wending his way slowly, so as to reach Itasil Hi r. Is' s alsmt eleven o'clock, at which time they had dinner, and whose table is noted for its plentiful supply of good, well-cooked provender, and where he would lay in a by no means small supply, and from there he would go down the hill, a half mile, to ('apt. Olisan's, whose dinner was somewhat later than ISird's, where he would dine the second time, and, after bidding the family an affec tionate adieu, he would proceed up the hill a half mile to Lot Watson's whose dinner hour was later than Capt. (lisan's. The third dinner was des patched here, when the old man inva riably headed for the home of the writer's parents, whose dinner always came later than any of the rest, some where near 1 o'clock. Then the fourth repast would be partaken of ; and, ap parently, if there had been any more farm-houses at which he could have successively dined, Jones could have Isjcii ready. He evidently, Alexander- like sighed, not for more worlds to con- quor, but for more dinners to cat. The writer reniemU'rs a circumstance that happened in his boyhood days at the Jersey Church," in which Jones was the principal actor. Capt. Sanner, of Somerset, and J. H. Hoblitzell, of Meyersdale will doubless reniemlier the occasion referred to. It was on Sept. 10th, !?, longU'fore theltailroad was completed, or Ursina and Confluence were in existence when a I'niou Pic nic was held at "Jersey." Everybody and his girl were there. The Brass Band from Petersburg was on hand, and the managers were Ir. lingers, J. 11. Hoblitzell and Ii. F. Fear, all of whom lived in Harnedsville. Of course, Jones was there, as he was never known to miss an opportunity to fill his stomach. He evidently thought, as a friend of the writer's used to say : Belly better hurst than waste good victuals ;" and he never wasted good victuals, or victuals not so good, as far as is known at this writing. On occasions of this kind, you must always say the table "groaned" with good things, just as you say, in de scribing hail-stones, that they were as "large as hen's eggs;" anyhow, on this occasion there was plenty to eat, and there were, or would have been frag ments enough to fill a good many bask ets. The managers determined that for once Jones should have enough to eat, so they set him down, or rather stood him, by the table, the first one, and licgan to fill him up. They piled everything promiscuously around him; ham, beef, chickens, turkeys, bread and butter, pies, cakes, and everything ever seen or thought of; but Jones was equal to the task. He literally ate his way through it all ; and when the first table was done, and the second came on, he took a fresh hold, and seemed as good as -new. His wants were again siqi plied as before, and as those who oc cupied the second table, went away satisfied, he still ate. The third table stood up, and Jones' rapacious stomach was, as yet, unsatisfied, for he was eating as though he had only com menced. Finally, when everybody had eaten, and was satisfied, he began to grow weary, or, at leat seemed to le unable to eat any more ; and the last the writer ever saw of him was when he wended his way wearily up the hill towards his home, laden with remnants of the feast for the next day. Everyliody in Somerset County near ly, must have kuown Samuel Beacliy. 1 le was a frequent visitor to Petersburg, and he always kept fat horses and good ones, particularly an extra fine grey mare he used to ride. He was always warning tieople with whom he was talking "to keep dark," and propound ing the question whether everything was mitixarit ikIkih. Once he was in Peterslsirg, and some time after dark he started to go home, riding the grey mare; becoming bewildered, he, instead of taking the Turkeyfoot road, went down the pike, and turned to the left, and rode through a half dozen farms, and came out on the pike again, after daylight next morning. He Mid after wards that he had no idea where he was going, but, when he came to a fence, if the mare could not jump it, or find a low place, he laid it down care fully, and as carefully put it up again. All tjese men, notwithstanding their eccentricities, were good lawabiding cit izens, and were members of the great mass going to make up the citizen ship of this great country. In our own township we had our share of characters, some of whom have been mentioned in these pajiers. 'Squire Iloddy was as well known in Somerset, indeed, better in some re sitects, than at home. He was a man of unimpeachable integrity, and had friends wherever went. If the weath er was very dry, and the 'Squire cut his grass, everyone said rain was sure to follow ; and if he made a trip to Somerset, it mattered not how brightly the sun shone, jicople began to huul their rubber coats aud umbrellas. On one occasion, when there was a pro longed drought, and the 'Squire did not come to Somerset, some one brought suit against him, and scut for him. The 'Squire, wondering what malfeasance he was guilty of, dropped everything and went to Somerset and was told of his dereliction and the drought; and, behold, "they say" it rained in torrents that very night ; and the '.Squire's reputation was safe. Addison, Pa. M. Tou Can't Get Rich by gaining the V)U reward offered by Dr. R. V. Pierce to any person finding a mineral poison or injurious drug in his "Pleasant Pellets" for there's no such thing in them. But you can get well and health is the first step to wards fortune by taking the "Pellets" whenever troubled with biliousness, constipation, indigestion, jaundice and other derangements of the liver, stomach and bowels. Small and steady gains bring the kind of riches that do not take wings and fly away. Kept in a Steel Safe. Th Constitution of the United States the original pen-written Con stitution, be it remembered has l?en dragged from its place of concealment in the State Department to las photo graphed. It has been decided to send a faosimile of it to the Atlanta Extio- sition. Of course, the Atlanta people would rather have had theoriginal, but this could oot be entertained. The Constitution is kept in a steel safe in the library of the State Depart meut. The safe, quite a pretty affair, in gray and gold, is massive and strong. A combination lock protects its priceless contents, and thecombiua tion is carefully kept by one or two officials. Recently, however, the steel doors were swung ojien in order to al low a reporter to look upon the sacred pages. No document in the world has been so fraught with destiny as this very same Constitution. It is to-day the foundation of the government. To see it as it came from the ieii of t lie en grosser on the 17th day of September, 17H7, is a sight worth traveling a thou sand miles to witness. As is well known, there are in the State Department two copies of the iKs-laratioii of Independence one the otlicial and engrossed document, and the other the original draft in the hand-writing of Thomas Jefferson, with all the erasures and alterations that were made Itefore the language was finallv airrecd noon. In the case - of the constitution there is only one copy the final engrossment with the signatures duly attached. As thus pre served, it consists of four large sheets of parchment, each twenty-two by twen ty-eight inches, with the words written out in the old fashioned chirography of a century ago, and the curious cai- italization of letters then iu vogue. The first three words "We, the eople," are engrossed in very large letters, so that they stand out in Isild relief. On the last iage the signatures of the dep uties from the various States, ls-gin- ning with the familiar autograph of (Jeorge Washington, who signed him self as "President and Deputy from Virginia" Many of the names are closely associated with the early histo ry of the republic Alexander Hamil ton, Rufus King, (Jouvcmeur Morris, 15. Franklin, Daniel Carrel and Roger Sherman licing among the nuiiiU-r. What a Working-man Wants. An industrious carpenter, cquipied with plane, adze, and saw, was fixing up a door that had got out of gear in the house of a lawyer, who sat watch ing him at work. "Tell me just what it is," said the lawyer to the ear-ientcr, who had taken up his adze, "that the discontented workingmen want" 'I speak only for my own trade when I say that every man iu it wants to get out of it." "What next?" "To start up something for himself." "You mean to lie a laiss'."' VI mean to do some kind of business on his own account in which he can make more." Well," said the lawyer, "that is right; but I would like to know what is the main thing wanted by the men of your trade so long as they can't get out of it?" 'Better wages," replied the carpen ter. "Am I to lielieve that the discon tented working people alsiut whom we hear so much merely want more pay?" 'That is about the thing for every trade, so far as I know," replied the arpcutcr; "but I think that, more than anything else, the men in most trades want to get out of them and look for some other chance. I can sjieak for the carjienters, anyhow, because I am the Secretary for a Branch of the Brother hood, and have talked all my life with men at our meetings." 'Aren't the wages good?" Oh, pretty fair; but I wish I could get out of the trade, and so does my wife, as well as my oldest daughter. One of the men in this trade got out of it, and he is now a Judge on the Bench in New York. Of course, that's bvtter than working at this trade all my life. I would like to run a store of my own, or to le a contractor, or to have a pota to patch in the country, or to.ln; a trav eling agent, or anything else by which I could leave the carpenter's trade. And I believe that nine men out of ten in every trade feel jut as I do." 'But," said the lawyer, "we could not get along if all the carpenters left their trade." 4I have nothing to do with that," re plied the carpenter. "All I want is to get a living outside of this trade, some how." The lawyer then told the carpenter that cnrjienters seemed to be just like lawyers, as more than half of the law yers whom he knew would like to get out of practice if they could find any I utter way of making a living. He al so expressed the opinion that thus it had been from the beginning all around, and so it would Is? to the end, unless human nature is changed. Etiquette of Spoon and Napkin. If a man has a mustache which falls down over his mouth, he may lie par doned for putting the oint of the spoon to his lips. But when you see well dressed men and women, too, raise their elbow and pour their soup down their throats from the point of the spoon, as you would feed a sucking babe, you regret that they can not lie given a year's course in a school for de portment. It is the same with a nap kin. It is utterly inexcusable for a man to put his napkin iu the top of his vest, and when it comes to sticking it iu his collar like a bil, as a great many do, it is all but repulsive to one of re fined tastes. It is a great relaxation for me to escape the confining duties of the desk and watch people feed them selves. Interview in M'tuhiiitftut Star. Lucky. A reporter, in describing the murder of a man named Jorkins, said: "The murderer was evidently in quest of money, but luckily Mr. Jorkins had de posited all his funds in the iiank the day before, so that he lost nothing but his life." Lou-ton Tl Hit. eralcl Doesn't Like Women. A corresjiondent, whose sex, says the Westminister (iazi'ttr, we decline to di vulge, sends us the following twenty one answers to the question, "Why I Hate Women :" 1. Because she stalis me iu the eye with her parasol, offers noapolgy, and looks as if I did it. '2. Because she pushes for a place iu trains and omnibuses, and, being iu, never makes any room for other people. .'!. Bcrause, iu public, her prattle is audible and unceasing, and includes the biographies and characteristics of all her friends by name. 4. Because she discusses frocks with her her sister opposite, and " descrilies fabrics and fixings as if at her dress maker's. ii. Because she climbs to the top of omnibuses, to descend from which de mands grace and decency. li. Because she thinks the only way to make an omnibus stop is to prod the driver, if she cannot reach the con ductor. 7. Because, lading of the class for which omnibuses are not, she spoils her coachman and ruins her horses by her ignorant or inconsiderate use of them. H. Jiccausc, U-ing of any class, she loves a "remnant day" and dotes on bargains. !. Because she mislays her bag, h- her handkerchief, and carries her purse in her hand. 10. Because she recites, plays vio lins and rides on bicycles. 11. Because she reads accounts of wed dings and 1'ists of presents in ladies' newspapers. Ii Because she walks three in a row upon the pavement, and exjas-ts every one else to make wav for her. IX Because she worshifM priests and deacons, as well as illustrious persons and cavalry oUii-crs. It. B.-cause she is "fluent hut not lucid," and more coiiivriu-d alsiut the numU-r of her facts than the truth of them. 1. Because, in nine cases out of ten, she can neither sew, nor read aloud, nor make tea, 1'J. Because site is always writing letters, and wanting; me and others to answer them. 17. Because she is the slave of fash ion ; and that, not only in clothes, but in art, music, manners, religion, flow ers jewelry, language and furniture. IS Because she does not value any thing simply la-cause it Is "gool" (fol lowing a fashion set in the days la-fore she existed ), but because it is "worn," or "done," even "talked about." 111. Bemuse if she is "nice" she is sure to lie conventional, aud if she Is not conventional she is generally not "nice." 20. Because, if you tell her a secret, she passes it on at once to other friends "I don't mind telling you, dear, but it mustn't go any further." -I. Because she is often careless as to fsal, and thinks cheapness the first requl-ite iu wine. Mark Twain's Apology. Tiiis story alsiut Mark Twin was told by a Hartford man to a Washing ton Star reporter the other night. It may not lie entirely new to every one, but even if it isn't, it is g.xxl enough to bear reiH-tition. One U-autiful Summer .morning a few years ago, Mark wandered out lie fore breakfast, unconventionally at tired in a smoking jacket and slippers and unadorned with either -ollar or necktie. The humorist is proverbially careless as to his dress, and if it were not for his faithful wife would In- as likely as not t appear in public iu this garb most of the time. A few doors from Mr. Clement's lcue lives the aged authoress of "I'n- cle Tom's Cabin." On this particular morning, as Mark strolled by Mrs. Stowe's residence, he espied the old lady seated upon the veranda- He pushed open the gate, walked in and made a very enjoyable qiiarter-of-an hour's call. Then he lounged back to breakfast. During the progress of t'.u himI he casually alluded to his call upon Mrs. Stowe. "You don't mean to say that you went into Mrs. Stowe's house in that cmdition, do you?" ejaculated his des pairing wife. "What condition?" aked Mark blankly. "Why, without any coMaror necktie. What will Mrs. Stowe think of you? You'll have to go over and apologize to her just as soon as you can make your self presentable." "All right, my darling," said the crest-fallen humorist, meekly, "but I don't think she noticed anything out of the way. She didn't speak of it." A few moments later, breakfast hav ing been finished, M-irkdlsap-K-are.l iu the direction of the dressing room, and shortly afterward despatched one of his chitdren upon some mysterious errand in which a small parcel played a part. The child presently returned K-aring a note, which Mark, after reading, car ried in triumph to his wife. "It's all riit, my d.-ar," h? said, re ferring to the note. "Mrs. Stowe said she is always glad to see me, even with out the customary neckwear, and begs me not to mention the circumstance." "What have you done now?" quvri- j e i .nrs. v iciiieiis in a nine ot nope less resignation. "Why, drawled out the humorist, "I sent my collar and necktie over to Mrs. Stowe, so that she could know that I really owned them. You may rest as sured now, my dear, that it's all right. She is satisfied, I am sure, that I do have collars and neckties about the house somewhere." "There is Danger in delay." Since lSol I have W-en a great suf ferer from catarrh. I tried Ely's Cream Balm and to all apia-arances am cured. Terrible headaches from which I had long suffered are gone. W. J. Hitch cock, Late Major U. S. Vol. and A. A. (eii., Buffalo, N. Y. Ely's Cream Balm has completely cured me of catarrh when everything else failed. Many acquaintances have used it with excellent results Alfred W. Stevens Caldwell, Ohio. Price of Cream Balm Ls fifty cents. WHOLE NO. 2301. Why Her III Used Husband Didn't Loye Her Any More. "How is your huslwind?" a-ked the little woman in gray. "Don't a.-k me, please; lie hasn't sjs ken to me for a week. Come to think of it, though, he mut la- quite well, for if he has a pain in his finger be thinks he is alsiut to die and wants to make up all our differences." "It Isn't a good time to quarrel while Sadie is visiting you for the first time since your marriage." "One can't choose the ti. lie to quar rel or have the toothache, dear. If you promise never to rea-at it, no matter how funny it is I'll tell you the whole storv." "YHi may tnM me implicity, my dear. If I have a secret which I just must tell somebody, I wait until my husband is as let-p, tc-t him with some thing unimportant, then ti ll the whole story. It relieves me withoti enlight ening him. Oli, I assure you, I am safe as a church." "Very well, then. It U-gan the day before Sadie came, wheu I ask-d for some money to go shopping." "That was commonplace enough, I am sure." "Yes, and it was about the careless way in which I carry my p's-ketlssik in my hainl, no matter how much money it has iu it." "You'd U ttcr not. I know a woman who" "S do I lots of 'em. But I told Tom I'd like to see aiiylxsly snatch a pockctlsiok out of my hand. Well, I went into town to mis-t Sadie; then we went shopping. As she had never seen Tom I wan tcil him to look his la-st, so I purchased some pretty things for him as well as for myself." "Very generous of you, I'm sure." "Yes I had just gotten hint two love ly neckties at 2 cents upits-e and thrown away the ticket so he'd like them, not knowing what they n-t. Suddenly, as I turned away from the counter, soniclssly snati liiil my ss-kct- Ixsik right out of my hand!" "(iiawluess, how awful!" "It came over me like a Hash what Tom would say .to nu after all his warnings alsiut carrying money so care lessly, ami fain tc I away." "No wonder.' And did the thief es- cajK-.' "Why, no. The queerest thing hap IieiKsI. Sadie caught and held him until a p iliceman came. Then he he insisted that he was my husband!" "What impudence! But Sadie" "Oh, Sadie had a picture of Tom, and as this man was smooth shaven" "And we all know Tom's lovely whiskers." "She told the police it was only a pretense, and gave our names and ad dress. They had taken him away, fighting like a demon and protesting I that he was my husband. Is-fore I came to my sens,-s.'' "How fortunate that you did not sec the horrid creature." "Perhaps so. But, oh, my dear, Tom never ca. tie home at all that night. I was wild with alarm, and Sadie was sure that he was awfully dissiiiated. Aim'it noon the next day I wastqwtairs, when 1 heard Sadie in the front hall calling, 'Help, help, thieves, thieves! I ran down, and there was Tom him self!" "But I don't see" "I lis whiskers were sheared otf and he he wouldn't sjieak to me, and Sadie wouldn't lielieve he was my husband!'' "Oood gracious! You don't mean that he had snatched your pockelbook just to prove that it c.iald be d ne? P.ut how did he settle with the twiliiv?" "That was j;it what he had time. I don't know ho he settled it, for he hasn't sp ik.-n to me since, and that pockctlsiok had in it every dollar I own, and I don't dare ak him for it." CUi cfo Timt m-Hi ruil. It Hakj3 Soms Men Tirel They were from some locality up North and on their wedding tour. In taking in .the sights of Detroit they b Ktrdcd a Woo.lward-ave. car for a ride t the terminus and bark. As they sat beside each other, her hand in his hand and his straw hat fanning them b.th, a grumpy old codger on the next seat siieeringly observed : "'Not her rix' of love'syouiigdrcam, I see !" The newly wedded looked around at him, but lin k- no reply, and pretty so in he said : "There ought to lie a law against this sKMiiiing business ! It just makes nit tired !" "Oh. it does!" re'.ortcd the young man as his cheeks b.-g i:i to r. 1 1 n. "Mel.lie you never sp toned when yo-j was a young man ?" "If I did it was nut iu such a pnlilie place !" "What's the place to do with it ? Can't everybody tell right otf the han dle that nie'n Jennie are jest married?" "I should say they could !" "And that we are on our bridle tour?' "Yes." "And that we are jest honey and peaches?" "That's what tires me." "Itd.a-s eh? Well, it don't tire us. She dotes on me and I'd die for her, and we are going to kiss and hug and squeeze hauiis aud eat gum-drops as long as our f 17 holds out, and you and all the rest of the old moss backs iu this town can lick your chops and go to grass !" And he sat down and put one arm around his turtle dove and hugged Iter till the grumpy old man came to his comer and dropped off with a grunt of disgust. Ih tmit Free 7V, Travelers are frequently troubled with dysentery, diarrhu-a or other bowel complaints brought on by change of water ami diet One dose of Dr. Fowler's Ext. of Wild Strawlierry will bring relief. As the U-e collects nectar and de parts without injuring the flower or its color or scent, so let a sage dwell iu the village. Better than living 100 years not see ing the highest religion, is one day in the life of man who sees the highest religion. A Handy Boy. nv h:sk it sTAfKi-KR. "Boys arc no gisi-l," declared farmer Atkins in tone, and with a s.-.)-l on hi-, face. "You c:-ii!i.t lie. j- -nd on th'-rn. Th-y are truthful, pos si'ily, and may tiu-an well, but then you can't i!eK iul on th-.ni. They are thoughtless, reckless, extravagant It wasn't so whcf- I was a 1sy. There must lie .iiictliii:g wrong iu tluir training." The farmer was excusable for the half vicious outburst. He had tried half a dozen boys in quick succession, anil none of them had suited him. As he was a kind, patient man, exacting but little, the fault was not with him, but with the boy. Just as he turned into his lane, a clear, self-confident voice addressed him: "Mr. Atkins, I've been told that you want a liy." Turning around, his eyes rested upon a sturdy, short-set, capable bsiking fel low, alxrtit fourteen years old, plainly yet neatly clad, with eyes that had an honest, fearless bsk in them. "I am not taking any stock in hoy lately," he growled. "They are not trustworthy. They have more conceit tluin energy. What can you do?" "I hardly know," tiielsy replied; "I have never lived on a farm. I think I could make myself handy." Farmer Atkins laughi-d. "That's the s:tme as useful, I take it," he said. "Well, I am looking for a Llsiy that can make himself useful. Still that isn't all. I've known useful Isiys that were not to ! li s rnl- d on. If I can't dcjK tid on a Is.y I don't want him. The last lsy I had wasn't a I'm id of work, but he was entirely t-s forgetful; he was a tax upon my patients.-and my purse. He neglected to put up the liars and the i-ows got into the cornfield, he neglected to halter the mare and she pushed her way up into the granary. We had to rig up a tack le to hoist her out of it. He trimmed the grajie-vines without order six weeks ti soon and they Mi-d to death. He was either always a litttle too far Li hind or a little too previous." The toy's brown eyes wen- fixed up on the stM-aker. "You might try me," he quietly sug gested. "I Ulieve that I can please you." Then he added, while a flush came into his cheeks, "at home I am regarded as a thoughtful, conscientious l-.y." " 111, yes," crisply replied the farmer. "That's natural. Parents are blind to their Isiy's iuqs-rfcct ions. Itoys un like men; there's a big difference la twecii the price they think they are worth and the pritv they'll really bring. However, I'll try you. See what you can il'i alxi'.it the wmm1 pile during the interval, for I II not l- back until din ner. I'll irive you no instructions: when I get back I'M U- able to tell how much gumption there is in you." "Thank you sir!" cried the boy with a glad intonation in his voice. At diiiiicr-tiuie the farmer found him busily at work. "Where did vou find the buck and saw?"' he asked. "The one in the shed, the other in the tool-house," replied the Imy. "Who told you they were there?" "XiukUv, sir; I looked for them." "Who sharpened the saw?" "The w hecl-w right." ''Paid him a quarter, did you?" "N' t, sir." "Told him to charge it, eh?" "There was no charge. He knows me and wanted to help me." "Humph!" growled Mr. Atkins. "He t.ild you I was an old curmudgeon, didn't he?" "No, sir. H; said nothing disre spectful ah nit you." "II. iw did you know what length to in ike the sticks?" "I went into the kitchen and meas ured the stove." 'That showed thoaghtfulncss. Is this all the wiKhl vou have sawed and split?" "Oh, no. I hauled a Sot to the shed." "Why?" "Well, it rested me. It was a change iu the work. Then it might rain la fore night" "Yes, it might," assented the farmer, keenly studying the Uty, and rather pleased with him. "Yes, my lad, a change of work is rest. Did you pile up the wikxl nicely?" "Oh, yes." "There was a snow shovel on the w.nd; I s.tpp n you pde.l a great lot on top of it." "No, I didn't. I put it away in the tool-house." "You've earned tour dinner, any how. Come iu and get it" Three weeks later Mrs. Atkins said 1 1 her husUind: "Jie, you've struck a jewel in that Ikiv." . "Maria, I Ulieve I have." "You wouldn't believe how Useful he Is to me in the house. He spares me wonderfully, and can do some things as well as a girl. There is so much tact alsiut him." "When I ask;-.l him what he could do," repli.il Mr. Atkins, "lie said he he could make himself handy. It strjek me as an odd expression, but it was precisely what he meant He is very handy. Did you notice Imw he mended the step ladder? I shook my head at it, thinking it la-yocd repair. He found .Miine small iron corner piei-es around the plaiv, screwed one arm to the steii-i and the other arm to the up rights, and the ladder is as strong now as the day I Utught it" "He is always busy, Jie. It is sur prising! When there is nothing espe cially to do he looks up something." "I'm a little more hojvful alsiut boys" farmer Atkins slow ly said, es pecially when they are thoughtful and conscientious. That is what he told he was rated at at home. Tin-re are Utvs and Uivs." Storiaj Potatoes- A ivrfect store place is capable of lie ingkept quite dark and coot, but quite safe from frost. Therefore it should In st least partially umler the ground level, as being the easiest way of keeping frost at bay. If stmed in sheds, they should not la.- put into large masses directly they are lifted, for they are liable to generate more warmth than is good for them, but if spread out rather thinly at first, they may, after a fortnight, be placed much thicker without any harm. But where large quantities have to la kept through the winter ;here is no better plan than placing them in mounds, according to The ('ardener's Magazine, which advises as follows: Select a place a little ab.tve the gen eral level, so as to la- quite safe from flooding after heavy rains and having marked out the space required, put in a good layer of straw. Proceed to pack the j.otutoes into a conical long heap, cover with straw, and then place a suf ficient thickness of soil to kit-pout frost, and la-at it down so firm and smMth that the rain will run oifinto the trench surrounding it The top should not be quite closed up uutil severe frost ren ders it necessary to do so.