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H I'URUKItCD EVKRY WKDHESDAY, BY ' w. U. DUNN, csnas is fttmrtsow 4 bohjteh'S BmDiui ELM BTaECT, TIOHBBIi, FA. . TERMS. 13.00 A YEAR. Jfa RubsaripUon rerlved tit shorter hw1h1 Muni three months. , Correspondence solliMfed from all parts Hie oonntry. No notlra will be taken of annotiymous' communications. . VOL. VI. MO. 42. T10NESTA, PA., JANUARY 28, 1874. $2 PER ANNUM. J ' i 'I BUSINESS DIRECTORY. TI0UE3TA L0D3E Ao. ;;, I. O. ofO. 1?. TITEETS every Friday evnlmr. at 7 XT L . I'rlork. In tli" Hull lormerly occupied by theUoml Tompln-s. JAS. WCODINGToN, N. O. A. B. KELLY, Koe'y. 7-tf. Samuel D. 'rwli, A TTOTINKY, COUNSELLOR ATLVW mid IIKlh ESTATE A (IK N'T. le.'l tloiaius promptly attended to, 'I inn a -I a. Pa. Mr. Mil, KM W. TATS. ' PKTTI A TAT I, ATTORNEYS AT LAW, W.W.X.W, T1M..M. SrMfttlS t. M uon ft Jenks, AITnHNKY ATI. AW. Olllnnnltliii Mirodl. shore Walnut, Tlonwta. I'a.: F. "W. Hay, 'ITHVIIV AT I, AW. and NoTakv t I'taii.-. ll-vnoi'N llvikilt A O i.'s J oA, N,.ne-a (Hi City, Pa. 3-ly P. klX.1IAKr . .. .. r. B. XJlfKT, K I XX It I K t SMILE Y, AV9roys Law 1 - Franklin, Pa. VOTICK In U ' Our'a f V nnfi, Crawford, Forest, and a'TWin Uf untias. . SB-ly. I IKKUi B. S. rASSBTT, JTAItUISS rASSETT, tarnaya . at Law,. TUusvUla Pann'a, PI A.PTICK In all tha Courts of Wsrren, Crawlbrd, Korsat and Venanxu Cnun tas. 4-tf - J.-H. Heivly, -.. SURnF.ON HENTWT. In Scbonb'nm's K-iillin, Iwowe-n t'anira and 8yca anre sts.. Oil C tr, I'a. , All opra'l-n In a careful manner ml wrrn'l. Chloroform an 1 tlici al nlmotorad when rtqulrad ii the oao Will yrmit. 15-1 y Charles B Artsart, DWTfT. CanraSrat, Oil City, Pa. la tinmi Block. Uwrnci House, TIOf-)TA. I'A.. O. U. BUTTER MELD. PanrailtTOR. Tl.ia h-ius-la "ntrallr loratetl. ! vervthlnn na'td wall furnislisd Sunsrlor unmrnin'idi tin, and strict aitrit 00 aivon to Ktioata. Va;'lil and FruiU or a'l kind served Intliair t-onvm. Sample room for Com aaroial Agxnti. , 1 , FCHST HOUSE, T P.LACK FltOPKIKTOR. Opposite Cu.irt 1 In n-.e, Tioiipsta, Pa Juxt ' aponad. Kvervtliiii'r iipw and deiin and rra-h. The best or Hipim-H keit oouttamlv an hand. A p ir ion ol'Uin publio piitron aa I- rvapeotfully mjliciUid. s 4-17-lv 1 Tinnsta Hw; i , M T. I.ATIMEIl Tno. Kim St. Tio- .J. nniLt. Pa., at the moiitli of til" f'TOek. Mr. I.. Iiax tliorointhlv renovated Iho Tiinata '(ouae, and re-fitriimliwd it mm-tlntaiv.- Alt wlii patronize liiin will lie well nnU-rtained at ruasoiiablo rte. 37 ly N.ilional Hotel, qiniOUTE, PA.. nnn. KHIoU. proprlo- I tor. Thin limine hits Ixfll nrtvvly I urn ili I hikI la kept in ii'xid atyle. (tn- at will be uiado uoiiiforlaljl here at rc.ioii kle ratca. , ' ly. Dr. J. L. Acorrih, PHYSICIAN AN'I srilUKOV. wln.has T Imil lirtcen .vearM' exHrii'ncplii large 11 h.i HUi'fCNMini pra'tie, win aiuniu ui rr.il'cM.sioiml falU. OtMi-e in his Irng md (irM-erv Store, located in, kidioiile, near Tiilioute lloiiNe. IN HIS STOKK WILL UK FOUND A full aswrtmeiit of Modiciiuw, Li'lnr rib:Mi, Civiacs Slnlionery, Ula.-w, 1'utnW, iiIk Cutlery, all of the nl iiuality, and will lii'Kol.l at ri'Rmmlll HKw. lilt. C IAS. 11. II VY, an vxperitinvel I .v .i.Mttii Hutl ilrtiif iL Iroiii New York. ha-T iiarv ol liir 8 ire. All preMiriptioua pui iipa4'.'iii'attHy. jsu r. r.i. A. a tkLLT. .i i r, r.t me .c co., 23 A. QI i: S mi- M' Elm A- Wnlint Sls.Tl ineata. Hank !' IHsfi.int an I l tpoi.lt. Intwfuii n'l it' l 'in Time Dcpowlta. ColU.-lioiii ni t lenna'l the Principal points of Die L". S. Col'i'tion boiicitod. 18- ly. 'NEW BILLIARD ROOMS! ' 1 1 J i 1 iil '.iiu I'ltiiHi-lil llniixe, at the Sj iiioutli of t'.oituxia Creek. Th tublua iaii't r.toiu are new, and evoiyihinx kept ill rdtr. T i l'ivt-r of the iine a uorilial liivitatiou i mli led to ciimo aud play iui tue iinw room. " til U O. T. LATIMEK, Lcseo. D? W. CLARK, (COMUISHONKU'S CLKHK, KO It IS.t r CO. , FA.) R iSA L ES TA TE AG EXT. II USKS and Lot forSuleand HEN T. W.ld IaiiiIs for Side. I hare anpcrior iHrilil e for aacortaininr .klii eoinliiion 01 Uixeiaud lax duixU, iVc, oui.l a ii iberrfar quail ird lo ai-t iutlii Kuiitl.v us H.'tml ul tiKHHi liviiiK at a tlia-tiiui-u umniK iuiiiU in (be C uuty. (I.lltw in I'oiiiniiMaiollui'S llooiu, Court 11'iune, Tiumaita, I'a. Il-ly. WW, CLARK. Dr. J. "E. Blaine, OFFICE and residence opposite the Ijiwrem-e llonae. Otncedaya WfHlnes days and Haturdays. St-tr. THE ROOT SHOE STORE OH? TIOIOTJO?II3 1 NK. STEVF.NH. Proprletr. Partie lu want of FINB IVwita and Hh'ie will alwny llnd auood a-urtm"iit ntsievens'. Wiipn vniirall.jnKt nv "From Tloncsta" and vou will be libeiallv dealt with. O-din N. K. STKVKNSI. FINE GROCERIES, C'Uoick cmAns, tob cc, cans ed FCUITS. 8TATIOVEHV, . . . ANn notions, for sale at J. B. Aicnew's SU) ltooin, in Bonner Jt AKiiew's lllot k. ALSO, FRKStl OYSTKTW, by the can ornerrid tf order. Zli tf. !Vrw ItnnnllnK IIoiimo. MR. 8. ft. IIUI.INdShaa millt a larre addition to her hotiHe.and la now pre pared to aH)ininoilntpaniiinbprof pcrma nnt bonrdors. and all traninient nnea who inav favor ln'r wltb'tlmir patroim'.'o. ,A irood alalite haa reramtlv twen limit m'- e mimiHlnte the horMe of iruoxta. Char jea re-"nale. - Itesiileiico on Lira ht.,po aile 8. Ila-li't'a store. itt-ly Frank llbliii, PHOTOGRAPHER, (MT'.VK-ROU TO PKMIKU.) Pietnrea In every slyleof the art. Tiows of the oil regions for sale or tukvn to or der. CENTRE STREET, near IX, R. -roslng. aiYCA MORE STREET, riear Uuion He pat, thl City, Pa. iiO-tf LOTS FOR SALE ! IN TUB BOROUGH OF TIONfSTA. Apply to GEO. G. SICKLES, 79, Naaaan St:, New York City; NN. F. BLUM, BLACKSMITH AND , WAGON-MAKER. Comer of Churoli and Elm Streets, TIOESTA IJA. This firm is prepared to do nil work In Its line, and will warrant everything dne at their ah pa to irivo HatiHluution, Pur titular attention given to , IIOKMISSIOI.IXU, Olve them a trial, and you will not re itret it. l:l-ly. PHOTOGRAPH ALLERY. Water Street, OVER HILBRONNER CO.'a STORE, Tionesta, Pa., M. CARPENTER, . ... Proprietor Pietures taken in alltho latent styles th-art. ai-t' i;. liLiiiiv, TmtoOTK, Pa. H-aler In Ine WatchM, , Clocks, Itw lry, 8pwtaolM,to. All repairing In nix line iiemlv d ne md wairanUid. I ar- iiiur uUi iilion paid Hi repairing ol VaU'hea. GROCERY AND PROVISION STORE IN TI ONES TA . GEO.W.BQVARD&CO. HAVKjnstbrouuliton a complete and vaielully aelecled Ui:k of . . flour: ' :l ;i ' GROCERIES. , PROVISIONS, and rAerylhlns nei-eKary to the oomplete Ktoi k ol'ii JlrHt-elatii iriH-ery 'louso, which they have 0ened nut at ihnir enlaldmh uieiit on Elm liibt door north of M. L. Cburoli. . TEAS COFFEES, . ' SUGARS HYRUPS, FRUJTS, bPICiy, HAMS, LARD, a yv pno F.vOA'.y op all kinds. at the lowest cah prices. Goods warrant ed to lie of the beit quality. Call Hid ex amine, and we believe we ran suit you. C.KO. W. DOVARDA (W, I in. '., 'TO. j t C'orospondcnpo St, Louis Pemocrat. I delivered a Ircntr in this city on I lie 12t h duy of December last, ami to part ' of wliicli, I , understand that Mrs. Lincoln lint taken Borne eiccp tioii. ' I wish to stHte i he exct truth in relation lu lliis matter, to that the iulilii! limy tiiKlergtHri'l know wluit In heMcve and who to believe. About the year 18G5 I finally "V lir r.1' fr ii iii ii via n i i a v m w vi "i Lmei.InV tlif-tenderest,. the kindect, ol,' '""7 ""'?'? i"'ij iia liest and nobclest ofineir. ever doinif I H'l-e. He hud not much knowledge imil executing the good, this just and true to men in nil the put I is and walks' nf life. In fact, lie was the patriot of pul rii its ; ami now, as nu ll, lie Jii:m,,'l'p. against tlie. dep blue atiiomr the grU'iocfl fibres-of the age." The quick lailnre of Lanmn's Life of Lincoln ils peedy n iu.!iutioii by the public, caused in part by its be ing lumpered wilb about the time it went lo4ireM, aud by its wrong and injustice done to the great dead hat only intensified my original idea to write the lite of Mr. " Litiu.wlii. Let ue t?y here once for all, that I am imt one nf the authors of Luno.i'a Lile nl Lincoln. I never wroto a eu laiue or a v.;.;! i'or the biography. I urn quoted by Lamou.anil to that rx tent 1 am rispniicilile, and no further. It in prohnble that I never shall rift piiticHcd till I write the lile. Having this determination ' to write the litu of Mr. Lii.colu, and h.iviug heard nay about nnu yeai after the death nf tho President that Mrs. Lincoln had arrived in Ilia city, and whs stopping at the St. Nicholas Ho tel, I called uu her, and, after the .us ual running remarks about her health, etc., 1 made known my purpose and plans, I slated to her that I intend ed to write the Jit', uf.her husband, aud if she would consent, I should like to have tome I'mcIs u short his tory of herself to insert in the bio graphy. She remarked lu me, in sub stance, that it was not usual to men tion the facts the b story uf the wife, lu the biography of her husband, fur ther than to sitv that tho two were married at such a time and place, and to which I replied:" That is true us a general rule, but then there are exceptions tti this rule, and tdioiild be." At my special request, and after some argument, she consented to give me a short history of her life. I got a pen, petieil, ink and paper, dr-W up a binuli tuhlc, and became prepared to take down, as well as I could, the Mib'-iauce of what shu said. Shu coin ineuced as follows, which I took down with care: "I us born on the 13th day of De cember, 1823, iu Li-xingl'iu "Fayette county Kentucky. Am the daughter of Robert IS. and Eliia Tmld,' maiden name Eliza ' Parker. ; My mothei died when I was very young. Was rVlucHled by Mine. Mentelle, a French lady, opposite Mr. Clay's. .She was well educated ; was Freitrh ; spoke nothing else ; schullars not al lowed to. Finished my education at Ward's Academy. People from the North visited Ijexingtoii. Went tu school here. I stayed iu Illinois ihree mouths. Went bsckylo Kentucky. Went to sehiuil two years. . antler I first cam lw Jlljuois. I returu'ed ,"to Illi nois iu 18 'ill or' MO. This was after Mrs Wallace came ouflo Illinois. "My boebatid iiifeiiiled,-when he was through with bis. il Presidential terms, 'Ik take nmaU'L rutuily; to. En- roiw."Didn'f1ii late years "dream of lt a ih was heryr lunny, lived in high spirits, "tie intended to return and go tu California override Rocky Mountains, aud see the prohpects of the soldiers, etc., diggieg "lit gold , to puy the uaiioiial debt, lie and. Sum i:er were lite boys during the last lays of the rebellion. Tliey were down uu . die .river after Riclimoml was taken; they acted lika buys; were so h: iipy, so glad the "Rar was over. Mr. Lincoln, up to 18G5, wanted to live iu snriuufleld, his old home, aud be buried there ' Changed his opin ion notion 1 where to live. Never sett lid mi any place parlieului ly. Intended moving aud traveling some. "Mr. Lincoln was the kindest man and most loving husband aud father iu the world. He gave us all un bounded liberty. Said to me alwys when 1 asked fur unythiug, 'Vou know what you want, go and get it.' He iiiver asked me if it was necessary. He Mas very exceed ly indulgent to his children. Cliided or praised them fr what they ' did their acts, etc. He always said i II is my pleas ure that my children. ure free, happy aud unrestrained by paruntal tyranny. Love is the chain whereby to piud a rliili) to its parent.' " "I h.-ivo none of my literary scraps, poems, compositions, except 1 know the Shield poetry. This piece nf po etry In which Mrs. Lincoln referred, but did Hot quote, will be found iu Iuiiioiis Life of Lincoln, at iauu 35'J. It partly led to ihe 'Lincoln-Shield' dii'.l. ' Mrs. Lincoln continued : "Mr. Lincoln had a dieam whcyi donn the river at City Point after Richmond as taken. Ile'.dreamed that the White House was burned up sent me un the .river to tee. Went. Met Stiintoii on the way, downJ Mr. Lincolniiild. me to tret.k Juirty and co no r'own, which I did. !,"Mr. Lincoln- found out tlint was stealing nqjio thought, the piililio muiievs. IiHemied, ti turn him nut. Mv husband ftliired trreat confi-' . of men, "Our expenea at ihe White House were about 81,000 per molitir. .Break fast at 9 o'clock A. M.V luncheons at 2o'cl tck P. M., dined at 6 IV M, Mr. Lincoln got up irregularly ; ' saw the peopla ; . atteiide i ihe -hospital, &c. He said he would turn Se ward Tint when peace was ' declared. Hated Andrew .ohnsofi. ; Once 'only Johnson followed Mr. Lincoln, . when he said : "'Why is this mutt .following ; '" "A letter of Mr. Lincoln's to ma got out in the army, Mr. Lincoln ...... ......I..- ... ft..- a: h n..u, ..d $500. f... friends, diplomatic corjis etc. Sometimes there wer taenry-foiir ot the Todd connections or family at one" at " our lablo." - wife's conduct while in. Washington was ex tremely bad. v ' ' ' "Alt'. Lincoln hnd a kind (if poet ry in his nature. He was a terrible firm man when he set his fool down, None of u no" mutt .or woman could lule him after. he had - made tip his mind. I told him about' Seward's intention to rule him. He said: 'I shall rule myself, ahull obey my own conscience, and follow Goi in it.' Mr. Lincoln had uu liope-aud no faith in the iibuuI acceptance of these words, lid was a religeous man always, as I think ami believe.,'' His hirst thought to say. think about 'this subject was when Willie died never before. He felt religious mora than ever about the time he went to Geltys burgh. He was '. nut a technical Christian.- He read ihe lit bio a good deal iu 1864. "Mr. Sumner aud Mr. Lincoln were great, chums after they became acquainted with one ftuofher.; They watched each other closely. Dawn at City Point once Auoy Johnson followed us. Was Drunk. Mr.: Lincoln said : 'For God's sake don't ask' Joiingoii to dine with us. 'No, don't,' said Sumuer, 'and I did not ask him.' .. ' ' "I often taid that God would rmt tetany harm come to toy hn.-la,inl. We had passed through iive'long yejirj terrible bloody years unscathed, -.sn , , , 1 I if T I that I thought so. ho did, Mr, LincfiJiN lie was nappy in turn aea wasineeri ful,' almost joyous, as he got gradually to tee the etui oi me war. . "I used to read the - )iavspnprr charges newspaper attacks on him. He said : 'Doti't do that,' for I have eu ough to hearyet I care nothir.g fr em. If I'm right III live, it I the wroiiir I II rie unvhow; so , let th. m puss uumuiced.'. I would playfully say: 'that's the way to learn-i-read holli sides.", ' ,;, "Mr. Lincoln's maxim and philoso phy vi ere) what is to be will be, and no cares (prayers) Of, ours Mill arresi the decree. , "I could tell when Mr. Lincoln de cided anything. He was cheerful at firt, then he pressed and compressed his lips tightly ,' firmly, cue against the other. When these tilings 'showed themselves to me, 1 fashioned myself ui-cordingly, uud to did all others around him, have to do so sooner or luter, a. id they would find it out. Witt' wa first went to Washington many persons thought Mr. Liur.nu was weak; but he rose grandly with the ciri'Uins'anc es of l Lu rase, an I men soon learned that be was above them all. 1 never new a iiihii's mind develop itself so finely,' his manner got quite polished. He would say to in , when I talked with him about Chase and those others whotlii' him evil. 'Do g.s lb llilo In'ffiiit Id : y t . : and turn their ill-will to friendship." Sometimes in Washington, lining worn down, he spoke crabbedly to men, harshly so, uud yel it seemed the peo ple understood the conditions around him uud forgave." Josh Billings says: "I will state for the iuloi million of those who haven't ha. i a chance to lay in sckril wisdom az freely az I have, liiul one single hornet wh feels well ran br.'uk up a whole camp-meeting." Not long since,' at Sunday school.tho teacher, utter trying ha.ul tu impress uu the iiiind. ol a class of small byt the siii of Subbalii-brea king, asked, "Js Suuduy belter tlia u any other day?" when Ibe smallest boy in the cluss au- fcwrredj YOU bet your boots it is!" AM lebiguu newsdealer recently re ceived ins order li'oin a vouug lady: "Send InndtbJ i A Novel called buffalo bil daii d iiiM." EARt.Y MARKYIMO. .Morally, mentally and . physically early marriugo is a great mistake among women ; aud yet every day we jiee this mistake sanctioned by the offi ces of religion, blessed by the cousent of friends, and entered into with all the eelat which should be reserved for a triumph rather than a trial. , .. Morally it is a mistake, because few women are fit, ttt ' an 1 aire .when ' they should be under, au'hnriiy, to, rule , household prudently ; since no atmos phere is so dangerous for an' undevel oped soul, as that of the almost abso lute power wlm h is generally delegat ed to the young wife.' She ma' now do whatever is pleasing in her. .own eyes. She has been freed from paren tal restraint, and any other has a cir cumference to undefined that it is uar- ,j rowed and enlarged uocorvliii'ij to Ihe will and moral sense pf she Vim draws , it. Angela might fear, tn.wnlk hi such 1 a hmnd freed. mt us is given : by love ' and siiirjrdiice ti) Ihe niHj.irly of 'our I young marrie women women' by ! cnurtesv, childnn in 'the' regaid of j both law and wisdom. . . , . - , . -MentuMy it is n mistake, because w,th '""rnage all mental growth if euspciied in the lare majority . of w i- nitHi. . ltiducittiuii being renamed as a means toward an end. e ahiindoiii'd as soon. as the cud is obtained. It may be argued that all education from snoli u motive is a mistake :o begin with. True, but then it is the 'hub which keeps the culprit in tlie society of wis dom, aud it is just pi.ssiila the ui.nd, under such iuAueuce, might arrive at a juster Ci.'licejKioii of iu worth and value. ...'.'; ' . , . Physically it is a niiftake, because, at the early age at whii-h many mar riages are made, the human organize-, lion has not r arrived at perfected strength, and duties and responsibilities are laid upon it for which pat ore has made no adequate provision. Vitality is destroyed quicker 'tlit.il it is generat ed, and rapid decay of both inind and b nly are the results. Then the, woman is said to die "by the visitation - of God," though in nine oases out of ten it only the simple and inevitable result ot the laws of nature persistently aud violently broken. . INDIAN APOMsJ. ' ' Not excepting the "zenith city of the uhsallcd seas,'! there is no more ambitious little town in the country than the Capital of India. .a. A co respondent id' a Chicago japur de scribes the city thus : "ludunupnlis is a lovely village nf the plain. It is bounded on nil sides by Indianapolis. What t lui.L-a I.. I 1..1.k,j :, ,,,b. .... :.. .'-.'... t... ........ -e. v .Muno , irillLOIV. A I S I c,lief .,r.ldlICIS , du t.,)l n, b,ven frei , jH wllh HirHC. lion your vagrant fancy leuds, freight trains mark the horizon, and bound your Hspirutiors. It is a good place for thy philosophic miud. Its best ti!itw lrf nut iif diulPrf. Tllfl rlfv is '.i,,,.,,' wiLii parks, ami the natives il,i,,k llielu v ithoui a parallel. They are' right. The streets are straight, crossing each other at angles t hat al ways leave five corners. How they Contrive that extra corner is beyond our power to fulhoni. They baveulsu ttreet cars, ahich, in the most lliys terotis manner, always contrive to ruu iu the tame, direction, neve? iu the other. Every thing about Iinliauapolis is a problem to be solved. Iu fact, theie. is no place on the globe where a man's' mathematical educuliou ran be carried to such pertt-ciion. Vou have I) figure iu everything, uud a slate and pencil is as much u jiart of your toilet as your Intl, If you want tu cross i lie street you have l "it douu on the curbsiuae and figure how to gel round the tilth corner. Indian!) oils is one big coiiuu Irum everyihiiig begins with a capital," A croM-eyed man cast a gloom over a Del roil street car last Wednesday by asking one of seven strangers on the opposite seat, "if he had any chew ing tobacco handy?" First the seven strangers looked ut each other; then sevrii hands went pockcluurl; and, observing lids motion, each of the sev en supposed bis neighbor the one spu ken to, and l he seven hands returned empty. J ho cross-eyed man cast a rii'liochcl glance of indignation along the line, and wild I he, remark, Vu sweei-sct-iited lot .f generous roosters," look u t in w uf his own tobucco. 1 The Brooklyn Eigle is. responsible for i lie f 1 1. 1. ling : "Pimpleville, t., is evidently int a good field for au in dependent, ont.-oken jotiriml. The Piiuplevillu Post lately published ibis item: 'Tluisu who have lately been en gaged in sheep-stcaliug hud belter stand fioin under. We kuow whom we are talking about.' The result was a lost of tixty subscribers,' aud the pa per will go into bankruptcy,'' ; , A Nevada postmaster hat written lo Washington to kuow if ho cau rent part of the offica fir a f.iri bank. i Rates, of Advertising.' "? One Siunre (l Inch,) one Inertlon $1 0 OnoSipiare " one month S 00 One Square " three months 11 CO OheSiiunro ' one -yeirf ' - 10 0 Two Squares, one year ... Jj 0 QnarrCol. - - . - . 30 off Half " ...... - 60 00 One ' '" - . ' . . jeo rx . Legal notiiHiM at established rates. Marris je and deiith notices, gratis. Ail bills for yearly advertisements eo! lerted quarterly. Teniiiorary ailvertiss ments inus lie pnld for In advance. .lob work, Caih on Iicliveiy. HAVE YOU EVER lEE' J('HS It was only two days ago Jones was' injutic'ously "full." Being painfully aware of his inebriety he endeavored, to conceal it from the public by buy tnniilg his coat up very closely; im parling an abnormal stiffness , to bis, knees, and tripping over bis heels, (Te stalked up tu a street car, walked brisKly in just us the horses started' forward, and instantly stumbled nut' again backward without unbending a. muscle. , Straigh wav he recovered tho upright, splashed with niiid, and re-eilt-red, seating himself beside nn ac quaintance making ho tlgli of his mis-1 hapr PreseTilly heTurtleif lo thi in dividual and queried: "KiixslmnT" ' ."No.". ,..:.. r "-I i He Considered a moment, and : tben again asked : , , , -. "OH'ihetrack ?" "'No." ' 1 ' ' ' '' ' . ' " " ' "Riinoverprespice ?"' ' ' '" ! "No."''i v , j.. i : I ' : -..i: ., "Spliizbnn?" .. :"No." , : -,...,'-,! Somnolent cogitation. . "Anyacu'dnt V' ' " - ' ' ' ' "Not any at till. " lie took this piece of information into his intellectual maw, and digest ing it, ' concluded that be must lie drunk indeed.' Anxious to covei 'up' tne disgraceful fact and to. turn the) matter! otf respectably, he , thnrily turned again with the llaud observa tion : ' '-Well, if I'd anone tliut, I wouJJutk got Out." 1 , . -1 i; He blinked off in an uncotifcioil ttate in a little while, then "woke up," with his eyes very wide open, to tinny everybody that he'd otiiy been tlijnk ins. ' He rode on about a mile be yond his ttreel, and was finally taken home in a hack, . Have you teen Jones? AN APOLOGY. , Tbe editor of a Western paper onct gave a notice, of a ha' I, at.d httppe"tied incidentally to' mention that the danc ing of Major Heeler's better half was like-"the cavorting of a fly bitten cow in a field uf cucumbers." Tne fact that the editor had not been i.ivited to the ball may somewhat .detract from the value of the simile, while at 'the same time it accounts for his establish ing the figure. The major, uccmnpa hind bv his better half and a six shoot, er, called on the editor to complain of the poitie.il nature of the image. Oil learning that thc lndv was the one he had described, thu editor besought her to raise her veil. She d d an, faying: "N iw, Sir, . I expect you to apolo gize." "Apologize! should rather think I would," was the answer, us he seized his hul and left the 'room. The astonished major rushed lo iho window': "Slop, you,' sir! you have not apologized ! " ' , "All right;' I'm going to do it tu a minuter' . "What do you mean?" shouted the major, accenting the note of interrog i linn with a pistol bullet. , The answer was walled back from round the corner "Can't vou see, 1'iri looking for that cow?" The new invention called the Auto niiillt; Telegraph, will woik a wonder ful revolution in telegraphing. It is siil that by experiment this- machino has trunsmiltted one thousand words in one minute, legible. ud ready for the printer. Who cau tell to what re sults this invention will lead? It it iu fact mukiiig the people of the w hole w.-rld near neighbors, " i i ,. An Indianapolis, editor it responsi ble for this: "A young lady iu Indiana sought lo demolish uu unfaithful lov er by publishing s ine verses lo him, iu which, ii I'lu . prophesying imr immedi ate dis.iilution,snu said: 'Co'u i gaze up on my diisi, false one.' But the com positor spelled dust with a 'n.' " The great- it breadth of this Slato is one hundred and seventy-six miles, while the greatest length two hundred and eighty miles. It containstwenty eight million tiuee hundred ami sixty two thousand eight hundred and eight acres of laud. "How fast tliey build houses now ! " said II.; "they began that building last week, and now tliey are pulling in the lights." "Vcs," uiikwvrrd his friend, "aud uext week ihey will put in the liver." Old Gent. "You don't mean to tell Hie waiter, thai you e m't give nib a toothpick?'1 Waiter. -' vVell, sir, we used I" keep 'em, hul the gems almost invariably took 'em away when they'd done with 'em." A girl, hearing her mistress ask her hiisUuud lu bring "Dumbcy and Sou" will) hi in when be came home to din ner, Set two extra (dates for the expect. cd guftsta.