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HARVEY SICXL.ER, Publisher. VOL. VII. Ppnting flemacrat, A Democratic weekly _ ~u, paper, devoted to Poll ' and Science* Ac. Pub- " liahed every We dnes- * day, at Tunkbannock " flTr Wyoming County,Pa Ny Y MB? U D BY HARVEY SICKLER. Terms—l copy 1 year, (in advance) #2,00; if tot paid within six months, #2.50 will be charged NO paper will be DISCONTINUED, until all ar aragts are paid;'unless at the option of publisher. RATES OF ADVERTISING. TBS LISRS CONSTITUTE A SQUARE. One square one or tiree insertions 91,50 Every subsequent insertion less than 3 50. RSANEITATS, PERSONAL PROPERTT, and. GENERAL ADVERTISING, as may be agreed upon, PATINT MEDICINES and other advertisements oy the column: One column, 1 year, S6O Half column, 1 year 35 Third column, 1 year, 25 Fourth column, 1 year, 20 Business Cards of one square or less, per year, with paper, #B. CFT EDITORIAL or LOCAL ITEM advertising—with out Advertisement —15 els. per line. Liberal terms made with permanent advertise rs. EXECUTORS, ADMINISTRATORS and AUDI TOR'S NOTICES, of the usual length, $2,50 OBITUARIES,-exceeding ten lines, each ; RELI GlOl'S and LITERARY NOTICES, not of general interest, one half the regular rates. (JR Advertisements must be handed in by TCKS (AT NOON, to insure insertion the same week. JOB WORK f all kinds neatly executed, and at prices to suit the times. All TRANSIENT ADVERTISEMENTS and JOB WORK must be paid for, when ordered smnw Halites. RR.A W if LITTLE, ATTORNEYS AT LAW Office on Tioga Street Tunkhanneck Pa WM. M. PIATT, ATTORNEY AT LAW Of fice in Stark's Brick Block Tioga St., Tunk aaanock, Pa. HS. COOPER, PHYSICIAN A SURGEON • Newton Centre, Luzerne County Pa. L, PARHISH, ATTORNEY AT LAW • Office at the Court House, in Tunkhannock. Wyoming Co, Pa. W. RHOADS, PHYSICIAN A SURGEO N • will attend promptly to all calls in his pro fession. May be fonnd at bis Office at the Drag Store, or at his residence on Putman Sreet, formerly occupied by A. K. Peckham Esq. DENTISTRY." DR. L T. BURNS has permanently located in Tunkbannock Borough, and respectfully tenders his professional services to its citizens. Office oa second floor, formerly occupied by Dr. Oilman. v6n3otf. PORTRAIT, LANDSCAPE, AND OKNISMEKFTAL IPATNTING, Sy JT. HUG Bit, Artist. Rooms over the Wyoming National bank, in Stark's Bnck Block, TUNKHANNOCK, PA. Life-size Portraits painted from Ambrotypw or Photographs—Photographs Painted in OilCilore All order* for paintings executed according to or der, or no charge made. Instructions given in Drawing, Sketching, Portrait and Landscape Painting, in Oil or water Colors, and in all branches of the art. Took., July 31, '£l -vgoso-tf. NEW TAILORING SHOP The Subscriber having had a sixteen years prac tlcal experience in cutting and making clothing now offers his services in this line to the citizens of NICHOLSON and vicinity. Those wishing to get Fits will find his shop the place to get them, JOEL, R, SMITH -nSO-6mos "bolton house. HARRISBURG, PKNNA. The undersigned having lately purchased the " BtEHLER HOUSE property, has already com menced such alterations and improvements as will render this old and popular House equal, if not supe rior, to any Hotel in the City of Harrisburg. A continuance of the public patronage is refpeet fully solicited. GEO. J. BOLTON "WALL'S HOTEL, LATE AMERICAN HOUSE/ NkIIANNOt K, WYOMING CO., PA. THUS establishment, has recently been refitted an •A furnished in the latest style. Every attention •ill be given to the comfort and convenience of those •ho patronize the House. T.B WALL, Owner and Proprietor: Tunkhannock, September 11, 1861. WORTH BRANCH HOTEL, MX-hoppen, WYOMING COUNTY, PA. H. CORTRIGHT, PropT r ' rjm# d the proprietorship of the above Mn/I.r ii, k ua dersigned will spare no efforts render the house an tgreeaMe 0 , 80 journ to •U who may favor it with their custom. Wm H. CORTRIGHT. June, 3rd, 1863 MEANS' HOTEL. TOWAWDA, PA. lb B- BARTLET, I Late of T„, BBRAINARD HOUSE, ELMIKA, N. Y. PROPRIETOR. „ MEA NS HOTEL, is one of the LARGEST L. a T ARRA NGED Houses in the country-It ntted up in the most modern and improved style, ■d no pains are spared to make it a pleasant and •greeable for all, * , nzl, ly, BIIIELL & MIIATYIE'S COLUHI A LARGE STOCK OP SPRING GOODS, JUST RECEIVED AND For Sale CHEAP, ALL KINDS OF Produce TAKEN IN EXCHANGE FOR GOODS AT BUNNELL it BANNATYNE'S Tunlckannock, Pd. bail. TUNKHANNOCK, WYOMING CO., PA. -• WEDNESDAY, AUG. 21,1867. iflfti'U, THE OLD MAN'S DREAM. BY OLIVER WENDELL HOLMES, 0 for one hour of youthful joy! Give back my twentieth spring 1 I'd rather laugh a bright-haired boy Than reign a gray-beard king 1 } Off with the wrinkled spoils of age ! From boybood'r fount of flame, Give me one giddy, reeling dreatu Ot life all love and fame, My listening angel heard the prayer, And, calmly smiling, said, '•lf I but touch thy silvored hair, Thy hasty wish hath sped. "But is there nothing in thy track To bid thee fondly stay, While the swift sensons hurry back To find the wished-for day 1" Ah! truest soul of womankind ! Without thee what were life 1 One bliss I cannot leave behind : I'll take —my —precious —wife I The angel took a sapphire pen And wrote in rainbow dew, "The man would be a boy again, And be a husband too !" And there is nothing yet unsaid Before the change appears 1 • Remember, all their gifts have fled With those dissolving years ! Why, yes ; for memory would recall My food, paternal joys ; 1 could not bear to leave them all; I'll take —my —girl—and—boys ! The smiling angel dropped his pen— "Why, this will never do ; The man would be a boy again, And be a father too I" And so I laughed—my laughter woke The household with its noise— And wrote my dream, when morning broke, To please the gray-haired boys. NOT A LAUGH WAS HEARD. Somebody, whose bachelor friend has "been and gone" and got married, tell all about it, in the fol lowing poetical style : Not a laugh was heard, nor a joyous note, As our friend to the bridal we hurried ; Not a wit discharged his farewell shot, As the bachelor went to be married. We married him quickly to save his fright, Our heads from the sad fight turning ; And we sighed as we stood by the lamp's dim light, To think he was not more discerning, To think that a bachelor, free and bright, And shy of the sex as we found him, Should there at the altar at dead ef night, Be caught in the snare that bound him. Few and short were the words wo said, Though of wine and cake partaking : We escorted him home from the scenes of dread While his knees were awfully shaking. Slewly and sadly wo marched him down, From the first to tbe lowermost story, And we nevor have heard or seen the poor man Whom we left alone in his glory. THE STRENGTH OF A KID WORD.— Some people are very apt to use liarsh an gry words, perhaps because they think they will be obeyed more promptly. They talk loud, swear and storm,though after all they aro often laughed at; their orders are for got, and their ill-temper only is remember ed. How strong is a kind word ! It will do what the harsh word, or even blow, cannot do : it will subdue the stubborn will, relax the frown, and work wonders. Even the dog, the cat, or the horse, though they do not know what you say, can tell when you speak a kind word to them. A man was one day driving a cart along the street. The horse was drawing a heavy load, and did not turn as the man wished him. Tbe man was in ill-temper and beat the horse ; the horse reared and plunged, but he either did not or would not go in the right way. Another man who was with the cart, went up to the horse and patted him on the neck, and called him kindly by his name. The horse turned his head and fixed his large eyes on the man as though he would say, "I will do any thing for you, because you are kind to me;" and bending his broad chest against the load, turned the cart down the narrow lane and trotted on briskly as if though the load were a plaything. Oh, how 6trong is a kind word ! AN ELOQUENT PASSAGE. —The finest thing George D. Prentice ever wrote,is this inimitable passage : "It cannot be that earth is man's onlj abiding place It cannot be that our life is but a bubble, cast up by the ocean of eternity, to float a moment on its waves and sink into nothingness. Else why is it the high and glorious aspirations which leap like angels from the temple of our hearts, are forever wandering, unsatisfied ? Why is it that the rainbow and cloud come over us with a beauty that is not of earth, and then pass off to leave us to muse on their lovliness ? Why is it that the stars, which 'hold their festival around the mid night throne,' are set above the grasp of our limited faculties, forever mocking us with theis unapproachable glory I And, finally why is it that the bright forms of human beauty are present to our view and taken from us—leaving thousand streams of affoc tion to flow back in an Alpine current upon our hearts IWe are borne for a higher destiny than that of earth. There is a realm where the rainbow never fades — where the stars will be spread out before ns like Islands that slumber on the ocean, and where the beautiful beings that pass hefoie us will stay forever in our midst." " To Speak his Thoughts is Every Freeman's Right. " RRBAD UPON THE WATERS. When I was at college at Providence, R. 1., 1 chanced to be returning to my room at a late hour one night, when turning the cor ner of North Main and Providence streets, right there by tbe First Baptist Church, I stumbled over something lying upon the sidewalk. As I was just beginning my jun ior year,and had consequently given up the sophomoric idea that swearing was a mark of superior manhood, without so much as a blessing upon a careless watchman, I bent down, and after a little examination found I had stumbled over one of the city news boys. lie was almost frozen; so, wrap 'ping him up in my heavv cloak, I carried him with some difficulty up the long hill, and soon had him in quarters something warmer than those in which I found him. It was a long time before the boy became conscicus of his whereabouts, but when his delerinm was over and he sat before my face wrapped in a warm dressing-gown, I ascertained bow it happened that I found him asleep on the sidewalk. He told his story in a few words: Tie was alone in the world ; father and mother were dead, and he was shifting for himself, lie had been unsuccessful in the sale of his papers that day, was hungry, thinly dress ed, and the wind blowing very cold lie had crouched down a moment on the corner to shield himself from the cutting wind, and fallen asleep —and in that state I found him. I thought the little fellow was fibbing to me when he began about his father and mother, and I watched to see if he wouldn't bring himself out some way before he had finished. He was a bright little fellow — thin, indeed, and very pale—but he did have a keen black eye, and uo mistake.— His story, short as it was, was not ended before I, feeling sure that he was not falsi fying to me, had decided what I should do. The next morning, measuring the length breadth and thickness of my newsboy, I went down street to my tailor's, obtained a suit of clothes which he chanced to have on hand, which with a few changes proved to be just the thing, purchased a pair of shoes which exactly fitted the measure I had in my pocket, and returned to my room before the lad was awake, You ought to have seen how he opened those eyes and stared at me, at the room, at everything, and have watched the shadow of perplexi ty, astonishment and delight that flit across his face as the recollections of the last few hours came back. " Well, my man," said I, "how do you feel? Well enough to get up and see if these traps are anywhere near the size of that body of yours? ' lie was out of bed in a flash, and in a very short time was dressed in his new suit. Ah ! but he did look well as he stood there so neat and trim, and so thankful, withal, that I felt HS the schoolmaster did when he flogged his boys, that " it is more blessed to give than to receive.', Well, I kept the boy with me until he was well and strong, and one morning I call ed him to me End in a set speech, a la junior exhibition, said: " Mr. Newsboy, it is high time that you should be beginning on the voyage of ac tive life, and this morning I'm going to cut you adrift. Here's a little cash to help you along in your travels at first, and you be careful that you don't make bad use of it. Before you go I want you to promise mc that you'll be honest and industrious—will you ?—that you'll behave yourself always; be an ornament to society, and all that sort of thing—will you ?" He said yes, of course, a dozen times, and after a shake of the hand and a hasty " good bye, Sam," he disappeared down the stairs. Time passed along. I graduated, settled in business, married ; hut still never once heard of my boy, and at last he and the oc currence were forgotten. Five years ago this winter my business called me to the West It proved a sorry journey. I lost my traveling sack con taining valuables to a considerable amount; my journey had been a wild goose chase, with not the least shadow of success, and just about discouraged I started for home. Misfortune did not desert me here. On seeking my wallet I found that it had been stolen, and that I bad not a dollar in my pocket. 1 have a faint recollection of not feeling particularly amiable at that time. "Out West" in those days was something different from what it is now trom the same West where yon rail over the ground at the rate of forty miles an hour; and out West with not a dollar, and no means of commu nication but a line of snail-paced stage coaches, was anything but delightful. The coach for the East was just starting, and having watched it out of sight I went into the tavern and sat down to think how I was to get out of the difficulty. I had been sitting there some little time when a man who had been warming himself with his back to the fire drew a chair near mine and, after a little chat of the weather, sur prised me by asking if I wasn't M. of Prov idence, R. I. I told him 1 was, and before I could return the compliraeDt of asking his name he said: "Do you remember a boy whom, when you were a student at the University, you found almost frozen in the streets of Prov idence ? Do you remember that I promised you —for I am that boy—to be an honest, industrious man, to behave myself, and be come an ornament to society? Yes sir, 1 am that boy, and I can say without denial, that I am an honest and successful man, and that whatever I am morally or socially I am indebted to you for itand he shook my hand as only a grateful man can. Then he told me what he had been about all these years ; how by industry and perse verence he had won the confidence of his employer, had in time been admitted by him as a partner, had married his partner's daughter—in a word, he was happy. My surprise at the appearance of "my boy," his evident pleasure in meeting me, his earnest inquiries after mv welfare—all these things at such a time I fully apprecia ted, and I did not hesitate to tell him how I was situated. He laughed good-natured ly at my misfortunes, hoped I " wouldn't lie awake o'nights grieving about tliem.and, taking my arm led me away. He took mo to his office, told me of his extensive busi ness, made me shake hands with his father in-law, and I don't know how many others, and soon afterwards leading me up the stately steps of a fine dwelling, he intro duced ma to his lovely mistress —his wife. I Dassed a pleasant week under his friendly roof, and more than once as I jour neyed homeward I thought how many more such grateful harvests might be gar nered if men would be less miserly of the proper seed. A NOVEL SUIT. A Child Claimed by two Women—How the Judge Decided a Question—Affecting Incident in Court. In the Circuit Court in Baltimore, on the 31st, npon the petition of Georgi H, Perry and Elizabeth Perry, a writ of ha beas corpus was issued, directed to Edward Landers and Margaret Farrell, requiring respondents to produce in court the body of Hester Louisa Bartling, aged eight years, (alleged to be the daughter of Mrs- Perry, one of the petitioners, before marriage,) who is detainee from its mother by respon dents. The answer of Ed w. Landers, one of the respondents, alleges that the child is the daughter of his wife, Margaret Landers, by a former husband, whose name was Ferrell, and that the name of the child is Margaret Ferrell, Mrs. Perry testified that the child was born in the almshouse before her marriage; that being unable to take care of it. she left it with a woman named Mrs. Loughlin, who was to support it for SO per rronth, and that 86 was paid her on account; that she shortly after went to Frederick, and on her return found her child in possession of Mr. Ferrell, at wiiosc house she was mar ried for the first time in July, 1866, to Mr. Perry ;it was in evidence, also, that Mrs, Loughlin, with whom the child was left with her for over six months, attempted to place it in some asylum, but failed ; she then gave it to Mrs. Ferrell, who adopted it, gave it her name, and fixed npon it cer tain property in Philadelphia. It was also in evidence that the child was claimed to be the daughter of Mrs. Ferrell before her present marriage, and that its name was Margaret Ferrell. The evidence was con flicting. After the examination of one or two witnesses, the respondents, asked that the case be posponed to enable them to produce certain witnesses, and the court granted the postponement, The counsel for petitioners asked that the child, in the meantime, might be kept in the custody of the sheriff, to prevent its being carried be yond the jurisdiction of the court. At this point Judge Elexander directed two chairs to be placed at one end of the court room. He then requested Mrs. Per ry, one of the petitioners, to take one of the seats, and Mrs. Ferrell, one of the re spondents, the other. The child, during the hearing had been standing upon the platform, at the side of the Judge. Judge Alexeuder then turned to the child and told it to go to its mother. The child star ted down and then turned around and ask ed the Judge, "Can Igo to the mother I want!" The Judge said "Yes child," when she sprang forward, and threw herself into the arms of Mrs. Ferrel, exclaimiug : "This is the mother I want." She was re ceived with passionate kisses. During these proceedings, the eyes of the large number of women as well as men present, were directed to the movements of the child, and when her choice was made, the the women ros^ to their feet, and gave vent to their feelings, in exclamations of delight. "The darling child," says one.— "She knows her mother," says another.— Sobs and tears accompanied the demon stration. The countenances of men were not without ( motion, and it was sometime before quiet of the court room was restored. While this scene was being enacted, Mrs. Perry, the petitioner, looked on, and soon after left her seat and took a chair beside her counsel, at the trial tabic. Judge Alexander then directed Mrs. Ferrel to take charge of the child, and produce her in court on Saturday. He also told coun sel that the child was in the custody of the court, and refused the application to place her in charge of the sheriff. A woman is always at tho bottom of trouble. Yon remember the story of the Shah of Persia. When he was told that a workman had fallen from a ladder, he called out— "Who is she ? ' "Please your Majesty, it's a be." "Nonsense ?" exclaimed the Shah; "there is nevor an accident without a wo man. Who is she?" The Shah was right"; the man had fal len from his ladder because ho was look ing at a woman in the window opposite. Many a man does this in other countries besides Persia. I "Brethren and sisters, ladies and gentle men, if I had the world for a pulpit, the stars for an audience; my head towering far above the loftiest clouds, my arms swing ing through immensity, and my tongue sending foith the clarion notes of a Gabri el, I'd set one foot on Greenland's icy mountaius, end the other on India's coral strand, and, and—l'd howl like a wolf." MECHANISM OF THE ORGANS OF VOICE. Nearly all the quadrupeds, as well as man, have a vocal apparatus nearly alike. There is an elastic semi-cartilaginious box called a larynx , in which are two thin membraes put upon the stretch, like two short thin ribbons—edge to edge. Below are the lungs, acting on the principle of bellows, which force a current of air up through the wind-pipe, and as it rushes be tween the tense" margins of the vocal chords or ribbons, makes them vibrate. Such is the origin of the voice- Modified by the shape of tbe mouth, play of the tongue, movement of the lips, and the opposing firmness of the teeth, in connection with the cavities in the cheek bones and nose, we have the human voice. All aoimal gra dation below humanity, where the brain is less in volume and inferior in capacity, there is rarely much more than a simple characteristic voice, as the lowing of an ox ; the brav of an ass ; the barking of a dog, etc, which is a vibration ou the vocal chords without much modification. The onrang outangs, and the quadrupeds generallv, at most, can only howd and chatter without giving any distinct articulate sounds. Our voices, then, are produced by the tremor vibration of the chords, much as the sound is produced in the hautboy by a double reed In birds however, the reed is placed at the low end of the windpipe, near the bellows —and any variation of tone which they arc able to produce is by opening and closing the hill—equivolent to raising or closing a finger-hole on a Ante, j insects are furnished with means of making sound bv quite a different kind of mechan ism, as they are without lungs or vibratiDg chords. SENTIMENT. A Unitarian clergyman of Middlesex county ; says: "It is doubtful whether, with our modern tendency, God can send upon society a greater combination of cur ses than a truly eloquent preacher a ten thousand dollar organ, and a superb opexa choir. Women often fancy themselves in love when they are not. The love of being loved, fondness of flattery, the pleasure of giving pain to a rival, passion for novelty and excitement, are frequently mistaken for something far better and holier, till marriage disenchants the fair self deceiver and leaves her astonished at her own indif ference and the evaporation of her roman tic fancies. To-morrow may never come to us. We cannot find it in any of our title-deedsl The man who owns whole blocks of reat estate and great ships on the sea, does no own a single minute of to-morrow. To, morrow! It is a mysterious possibility not yet born. It lies under the seal of midnight,—behind the veil of glistening constellations.— C/tapin. SIGNS AND OMENS. 1. To walk along the street at midnight and find a pin pointing towards you, signi fies good luck. To turn a corner suddenly at the same hour, and find a pistol pointing at you, signifies the necessity that you, should immediately "git up and git" behind something. A big tree is preferable. 2. If a lady puts on her stockings wrong side outwards, it is a sign of good luck— if she docs it unintentionally. If she does it on purpose, it is a sign the stockings are not as while as snow. In view of the fact that ladies do not wear stockings unless they are as white as snow, this sign ap plies only to "blue stockings." 3. To have your cup of tea banded you with two spoons in the cup or saucer, is a sign that there is to be a wedding. But such signs, it is said, never occur in places vis ited by General Butler. REMEDY FOR SLEEPLESSNESS. —How to get to sleep is to many persons a matter of great importance. Nervous persons who are troubled with wakefulness and ex citability, usually have a strong tendency to blood on tDc brain, with cold extremi ties. The pressure of blood on the brain keeps it in a stimulated or wakeful state, and pulsations of the heart are otten wake ful. Let us rise and chaff the body and extremities with a brush or towel, or smart ly with the hands, to promote circulation, and withdraw the excessive amount of blood from the brain, and they will fall asleep in a few momeuts. A cold bath, or a sponge bath and rubbing, or a good run, oi a rapid walk in the open air, or go ing up and down s'.airs a few times just be fore retiring, will aid in promoting sleep. These rules are simple and easy of appli cation in castle or cabin, mansion or cot tage, and may minister to the comfort of thousands, who would freely expend mon ey for an anodyne to promote "Nature's sweet restorer, balmy sleep." The Abolition paty is thought to be about "played out." Inded there does not seem to be any fuither use for it. It has abolished the Union, it has abolished the Constitution, it has abolished tbe habeas corpus , it has abolished the white man, it has abolished State rights; and now it bad better go to work and abolished itself fJT Why don't President Johnson fol low Lincoln's example—issue a proclama tion and abolish slavery ? We mean white slavery, for the yoke of the negro has been shifted to the necks of the whites. IPe be lieve it would go through as a war meas use. Subscribe for the Democrat. TERMS, $2.00 Per. ANNUM, in Advance. Pise anfo pljerfoise. Aim at comfort and paopriety, not fashion* Remember this. The editor who said his month never ut tered a lie, probably spoke through his noao. "Mach remains unsung," as the cat re marked when a brick shortened his serenade. "The light of other days"—pitch* pine torches and dipped caudles' Excited Frenchman at Nisgra Falls. "Eh I dis is ze grand spectakle ! Supaab ! Msgni fique ! Ry gar, he is come down first rate." - Let us remove temptation from the path of youth, as the frog said as he plunged into the water, when he saw a boy pick up a stone. There is a young lady in this place whose lips resemble peach blossoms so much that she has to keep a veil over her face to keep beos out of her mouth, * A sleepy deacon who sometimes engaged in popular games, hearing the minister use the words '■' shuffle off this mortal coil," start ed up, rubbed his eyes, and exclaimed,"Hold on ! its my deal.' ?' Ladies are watches—pretty enough to look at —sweet faces and delicate hands, but some what difficult to "regulate" when once started agoing. BRIDGE CROSSING.— "As I was going over thu bridge the oiher day," said a native of Erin, " I met Pat Ilewins," says I, ~ how are you ?" " Pretty well, thank you, Donnely, says 1. " that's not my name." "Faith, then no more is mine newins. So with that we looked at aich other agin, an'sure enough, it was nayther of us." A Missoura postmaster thus expresses bit opinion that his official returns are correct:— "I hereby certify that the four going A Coun te is as near rite as i no how to maik it if there is enny mistake it ain't Dun a purpus." The bitter word is not the strong word. The gieatest vigor of thought or act is not violent; it breaks no law of courtesy The lightning is silent and playful ; it is the rent and wounded air that gailsin the thunder. A crquette is a rose from which every lov er plucks a leaf—the thorn remaining for her future husband. What is the difference between a watch maker and a sentinel? The one keeps tl a hours by the watch, and the other the watch by the hours. One of the boys in a New Orleans school was asked, after various definitions had been given by others, mostly quite correct, what was meant by the verb "to tantalize ?" Ha replied : " It was to as-k a great many ques tions and then criticise the answers !" A teacher of vocal music asked an old lady if her grandson had any ear for music? "Wa'al, said the old woman, "I raaly don't know ; won't yon take the candle and see ?" A stranger looking for a restaurant in Ful ton street, New York, the other day was re ferred to a corset shop near by, by a wag who told him ho could get something to 'stay his stomach.' Two school teachers!in Indiana fell out and had a fight. A great crowd was, of course, the necessary consequence. A nervous indi vidual came up, in breathless excitement, and inquired of a wag the cause. "Why," said he, "they fell out about spelling the word 'bird.' " One said it was "byrd," and the other contended it was 1 burd." An old gentleman recently attempted to remove a large bug from the bonnet of s lady, who sat in front of him an the theatre. The result was, he unrooted all her back hair. Deeply chagrined, he hastily opologised, but soon learned that the bug was artificial, and was used to hold the head and hair together. A scene was the consequence. The superintendant of a Sunday school at Hartford, Conn., recently made his| annual report, in which he recommended that the adult members should go to wcrk and do all in their power to increase the infant class in his school during the coming year. A forlorn printer's devil says thus plain tively : 'When Susie's arms her dog impris on, I always wish my Deck was hi6'n: how often would I stop and turn, to get a pat from hands like hern, and when she kisses Towser's nose, 0 don't I wish that I were those,' "Sally," said a green youth, in a venerable white hat and gray pants, through 4 which his legs projected half a foot, "Sally, before wo go into this museum to see the happy family, I want to ask you sumthin." "Well, Icha bod, what is it ?" *'Well, you see this ere business is guine to cost a bull quarter apiece, and I can't offord to spend so much for nothin'.—Now, if you'll say you'll hev me, darned ef I don't pay the hull on't myself I" NO. 3.