Newspaper Page Text
HARVEY BICKLER, Publisher.
VOL. VII. |TJiteming pnnarrat, > Democratic weekly pper. devoted to l'.ih liAvd every W e dnes- - jar, at Tunkhannock *" GY HARVEY SICKLER. Terms—l copy 1 year, (in advance) $2.00 ;if jot paid within six months, *2.50 will be charged 50 paper will be DISCONTINU ED, until all ar tr.;> sre paid; unless at the option of publisher. RATES OF ADVERTISING. TKS LIMES COKSTITCTK A SItCARK. Cms wjuare one or three insertions SI 50 . Brary subsequ nt inscr:iun less than 8 50 KCAI. ESTATK, PERSONAL PROO'KRir, and GEKERAL AdyKRTISIXO, as iu iv be ngire.l upon, PATEXT Mh'lcines and other advertisements oy the culuitin : One column, 1 year, StiO Half column, I year--- S3 Third column, 1 ye'r, 25 Fourth (oluiun, 1 year, 20 Business Cards of one square or leas, per year, with paper, $S tr EIMTOP.ial or I,o< AI TIF.m advertising—with- j out Advertisement—ls ct>. per line. Liberal terms made wiih permanent advertisers KXECC TORB, A I'M IN IS 1 1< A'loKS and AUDI TOR'S' NOTICES, of the u-usl length, $2,50 OBITUARIE 3 .- exceeding ten lin s, each ; KELI G IOCS and LITERARY NOTICES, not of general Dtereat, one half trie regular rates. or a vertisfir.cnts must be handed in by To CAT Noon, t> insure insertion the same week. JOB WORK •fall kinds neatly executed, and at prices to suit the times. All TRANSIENT ADVERTISEMENTS and JOB WORK must be paid for. when ordered ilusiiifss RR. As El.i r ri.lv ATTOENKY3 AT LAVV Office ou Tioga Street runkhantiock Pa UTM. M. I'lA'l'T* ATTORNEY AT LAW Of fice in Stark's Brick Block Tioga St., Tunk nno< k. Pa Hit. COtH'llß. PIU'SH IAN A SUKQKON • Nowton Centre, Luzerne County Pa. OI„ PJkKRHHI, iTTOHNiY AT LAW' • Offi-e nt the Court House, in Tunkhannock Wyoming Co. Pa. Jtt, RHOADS, PHYSICIAN ,t SCR GEO N • will attend promptly to all calls in hie pro fMsion. May be Sou .1 at his Offi;c at the Droj Store, or at his residence on Putuiaa Sreet, for uierly occupied by A. K. Peckh tiu E- j. DENTISTRY. *-w —-= ;R --DR. L T. BCRNS has permanently located in , Tunkhannock Borough, and respoi-Uully tenders ' hi• professional services to its citizens. Office on second floor, formerly occupied by Dr. Uilman. 6030tf. PORTRAIT, LANDSCAPE, AND GENXMENTXE PjOLTNTIIVG, ■Jiv >r. HUG&n, Artist. Rooms over tbe Wyoming National bank,in Stark's Brick Block, TUNKHANNOCK, PA. Life-tize Portraits painted from Amtvotypes or Photographs - Photographs P.nntad in Oil (,'clors All orders for paintings executed according to or der, or no charge made. i<r Instrn ciona given ID Drnwtnr. Skct -hing, I Portrait and Landscape Pointing, in Oil or water Colors, and in II branches of tbe art, Tank , Jnly 31, 'g7 -vgoso-tf. NEW TAILORING SHOP Tbe Subscriber having hai a sixteen years prac tical experience in cu ting and making clothing now offers his services in tcis line to the citizens of *!OBO:.8i and vicinity. Those wishing to get Fits will find his shop the place to get them. • JOEL, R, SMITH -nSP-f.mos B LTON HOUSE. J] AH HIS 11 r IcO, I'KN'NA. The nnd-Tigned having lately purchased the " BEE II LEU IIUI'SE " property, has alrt-ady com menced su-h alterations an-1 improvement* as will render this old and popular lb.use equal, if not supe rior, to any Hotel in the City of flarrisburg. A continuance of the public patronage is refpeet fully solicited. GEO. J. BOLTON' WALL'S HOTEL, L4TE AMERICAN HOUSE/ TUNKHAKNOIK, WYOMISG CO., PA THIS establishment hns recently bean refitted an furnishod in uie latest style Every attention fill he given to tbe comfort and convenience of those tio patronize the House. T B WALL, Owner and Proprietor: Tunkhannock,September 11, IPfll. WORTH BRANCH HOTEL, ME-SUOPPE.V, WYOMING COUNTY, PA H. COHTHIGHT, Prop'r ITA\ INO resume-I the proprietorship of the above undersigned will spare no affoit# render the house an agreeable place nl sojourn to I 1 Who may favor it , iUI their c^tom. Win 1J (.OUTRIGHT. June, 3rd, 1563 MEANS' HOTEL. TOWANDA, r A JT- B- BART LET, [Late of t- r IIAI*AHII IIOISE, ELMIRA, N Y. PROPRIETOR. HOTEL, i- one of tun LARGEST 1 ? ARRANGED House* in the country —It • fitted up in the tuoel modem and Improved style, and no paina are spared to make it a pleasant and Agreeable stopping-place for all, ▼ V 021.1/ TUNKHANNOCK, WYOMING CO., PA. - WEDNESDAY, 5EPT.4,4867. INIEIL s Miimns M A LARGE STOCK. OP SPKINO GOODS, JUST RECEIVED AND For Sale CHEAP, C ALL KINDS OF Produce TAKEN IN EXCHANGE FOR GOODS AT BUNNELL A BANNATVNE'S Tunkhannock, Pa. Soil. loftrg, THE PRINTER'S HOHEN LINDEN. In seasons when oar fuads are low, Subscriptions sre provoking slow, And ftw supplies keep up the flow, Of dimes departing rapidly. But then we see a sadder sight When duns come in from mom till night, Demanding every "shiny" bright, To be forked over speedily. Our bonds and due bills are arrayed, Each seal and signature displayed, Tbe holders must and will be paid, With threat of law aod ohanc ery. When to despair we're almost driven. There's precious little fun in living— When our last copper's rudely riven From hands that hold it lovingly. But larger yet the duns .hall grow, With interest adued on below, Lengthening the chain a feet or so. While gazing at them hopelessly. 'Ti fo that scarce we have begun, 3o p>ad for time upon a dun. Before there is another one. Demanding pay ferociously. The prospect darkens ! on ye brave, Who would your very bacon save— Waive, patrons, all yonr pretexts waive, An (J pay the printer honestly. Oh, it would yield ns pleasnre sweet, A few delinquents 'low to meet, Asking of us a clear receipt, For papers token regularly. CASTLE BUILDING. We wandered down the deep ravine When gnnset fire* wers redly glowing, And all tbe vale with purple alieen And golden smokes was overflowing, The mountain slopes were grill ablaze, The tree-tope burned,like waving torches, And rainbow rays of rosy bare Were flushing all the woodland porches, Beyond, we saw the sunset skies, With gates and walls zed turrets bailded— Embattled piles that seemed to rise, Tier after tier, with glory gilded, 0, look my love ! what mansions bright! How rich and grand eacb climbing story 1 Look up, my iove ' I'll build to-night. For you and me, a 11.use of Glory ! So, hand in hand we rested still. And upward looked tbro' sui set splendor— So, heart with heart in loving thrill, Grew mute beneath the glamour tender. And thus we built w ; tb painted mist, Our . astls grand, troin floor to coping, Until the last low sunbeam kissed " he gray ravine, and left ue---groping. Ah ire, my love ! the darkness falls Fall soon, to shioud our brightest dreaming ! And golden ruofs and crystal walls Are based lull oft on cloudy seeming. But, hand in hand and heart with heart, We twain abide tbe twilight hoary And wait until the shadows part That hide from us our House of Flory. JOSH BILLINGS ON GONGS. Josh Billings n lateth bis first experi ence with tbe gong thusly: I never can eradicate boli from mi memory the sound of tbe first gong I ever beard. 1 was sit ting on tbe fiont step ova tavern iu the sitty of Buflerlo, smoking. Tbe sun was goin to bed, and the be vena for an hout was blusbin at tbe performance, The Ery Kanal, with its golden waters, was on its way to Albany, and I was perusin the line botes a flotin by, and thinkin ov Italy (where I use to liv) and her gondolvrs and gall us witumin. My entire sole was, as it were, in a swet. I wanted to klime, 1 felt grate. I actually grew. There are things in this life tu big to be trifled with ; there arc times when a man brakes luce from hisself, when he sees sperrits, when he kin almost tuch the mum-, and feels as tho he kud fill both hands with the stars of hewn, and almost sware be was a bank president. That's what ailed me. But the korse ov true never dil run smoothe, (this is Shaktperu's opmyon too.) Just as I was doing my best—cummer, cum mer, spat, bang, belh-r, crash, roar, ram, durnmer, dumrner, duin—wiiij a tremen jus jump X struck tbe centre ov the side walk, with another 1 kleared the gutter, and with number I stood in the middle of tbe street, snorting like an Indian pony at a hand of musick. I gazed in wild disnare at the tavern stand, mi hart swell ed up as a outdoor oven, mi teeth was a9 luce as a string of heeds. I thot all ov Ihe crockery in the tavern had fell down. I thot of fenomenons. X thot of Gabral and his horn. I was jest on the pint of thinkin of somethin else when the lanlord knm out to the frunt stupe ov the tavern, hidden by a string the hot om ova old brass kittle. He kaw'ed we gently with his hand. I went slola and slola up tu him, he kammed mi feres, he said it was a gong, I saw the knssed thing, he said supper was reddy, he axed me ef I wud hav black or green tee, and I sed I wud. DIDN'T RECOGNIZE Ir.— A wealthy man of Boston, who owns a country residence in the suburbs of that city, recently became dissatisfied with it, determined to have an other, and instructed an auctioneer, famous lor his descriptive powers, to advertise it in the papers at private sale, hut to con ceal the location, tehing the purchaser to apply at his office. In a few days the oentlemen happened upon the advertise ment, was pleased with the account of the place, showed it to his wife, and the two concluded it was just what they wanted and that they would secure it at onco So he went to the office of the auctioneer and told him that the place he had adver tised was such a one as tie desired, and be would purchase it. Tlie auctioneer burst into a laugh and told bim that it was the desori|>tiou of hi* own house where he was then living, lie read the advertisement again, pondered over the "grassy slopes," "beautiful vistas" "smooth lawn," etc., and broke out, "is it possible! Well, auc tioneer, make out my bill for advertising and expenses, for, by George, I wouldn't sell the place now for three times what it fost me!" " To Speak his Thoughts is Every Freeman's Right. " SIX LOVE-LETTERS. "Are there ny more of those letter* I" When her father asked this question, in an awful tone, Lucillia Richmond could not say "No," aud dared not My "Yea," but as an intermediate course burst into tears, and sobbed behind her hankerchief "Bring them to cae, Lucilla," said her father, as if she had answered him, as, in deed, she had; and the girl, trembling and and weeping, arose to obey him. Then Mrs. Richmond, her daughter's very self grown older, came behind her husband's chair and patted him on bis shoulder. "l'leas don't be bard with her, my dear," she said, coaxingly "He's a nice young man and it is our fault after all as much as hers, and you won't break her heart I'm sure." "l'erhaps you approve of the whole af fair, ma'ma," said Mr. Richmond. ! "I—no—that is, I only—" gasped the woman: and hearing Lucilla coming, she sank into a chair, blaming herself drea l fuHv for not having present at all her daughter's music lessi ii iunng the past | year. For all this disturbance aose from a music teacher who had given lessons to Miss Lucilla Richmond for twelve months, and who had taken the liberty of falling in love with her, knowing well that she was tho daughter of one of the richest men in Y orksbire. "It was inexcusable in a poor music teacht-r, who should have known bis Mr. Richmond declared, and he cluclied the little perfumed billit which had fallen into hin hands as he might a scorpion, and waited f<r the others with a look upon his face which told no softening. They came at last, six littie white envelopes, tied to gether with blue ribbon, and were laid at his elbow oy his despairing daughter. "Lock these up until 1 return home this evening." he said to his wife; "I will read them. Meanwhile, Lucilla is not to see this music master on any pretence." And then Lucilla went down upon her knees: "Oh, dear paper!" she cried, "dearest papa, please don't say I must never see him again. I couldn't bear it. Indeed I could not. He's poor, I know, but ho is a g-ntlcman, and I—-1 like bim so much, papa." "No more of this absurdity, ray dear," said Mr. Richmond. "He has been artful enough to make you think him perfection, I suppose. Your parents know what is best for Miss Richmond." With which remark Mr. Richmond put on his hat and overcoat, and departed. Then Lucilla and her mothei took the opportunify of falling into each other's arms. "It's naughty of you," said Mrs. Rich mond. "But no, dear, I cau't blame you. It was exactly so with me, I ran awav with your papa, you know, and inv parents objected because of his poverty. I feel the greatest sympathy for you, and Fred rick has such fine eyes, and is so verv pleasing, I wish I could sollen your pa pa." "When he has seen the letters there'll be no hope, I'm afraid," sobbed Lucilla. "Fred is romantic and papa hates romance." "He nscd to be very romantic himself in those old times," said Mrs, Richmond. "Such letters as he wrote me. I have them in my desk yet. lie said he should die if I refused bim." "So does Fred," said Lucilla. "And that life would be worthless with out me ; and about my being beautiful (he thought so, you know ;) I'm sure he ought to sympathise a little," said Mis. Rich mond. But she dared not promise that he wo'd. She coaxed her darling to stop cry ing, and made her He down; then w> nt up in to her own room to put the letters into her desk; and, as she placed them in one pig eon-hole, she saw in another a bundle, tied exactly as those were, and drew them out. These letters were to a Lucilla also.— who had received them twenty years be fore—and she was now a matron old enough to have a daughter who had heart troubles —unfolded them one by one, wondering how it came to pa-s that lovers letters were all so much alike. Halt-a-duzcn—jut thu s-irae number, and much more romantic than those the music-master had written to her daughter. A strange idea came into Mrs Richmond's mind She dared not oppose her hnsdand ; by a Took or a vord she had never at tempted such a thing. But she was very fond of her daughter. When she left the desk she looked guilty ( and frightened, and something in her pock et rustled as she moved. But she said nothing on the subject until tbe dinner hour arrived, and with it came her husband angrier and tnore determined than ever. The meal was passed in silence; then, having adjourned to the parlor, Mr. Rich mond seated himself in a great arm chair, and demand'-d: "The letters," in a voic3 of thunder. Mrs. Richmond put her hand into her pockets, and pulled it out again with a frightened look. Mr. Richmond repeated still more atern 'y: "Those absurd letters, if jou please, ma'am." And then the little woman faltered : "I—that ia—l believe—yes, dear —I beletvel have, them,' ami gave him a white pile of envelopes, encircled with blue rib bon, with a baud that trembled like an as pen leaf. As for Lucilla, she began to weep as though the end of all things had corns at last, and felt eure that if papa should prove cruel alio ihould die. Six letters—six shameful pieces of deception, Lucilla," said the indignant parent "I air shocked that a child of mine could practice such duplici ty. Ilem ! let me aee. Number one, I beleive. June, and this ia Decembef. Half a year you have deceived us then, Lucilla. Let me see—ah! 4 From the first moment he adored yoa,' eh! Non sense. People don't fall in love in that absnrd manner. It takes years of acquaint ance and respect and attachment. 'With your smiles for his goal, he would win both fame and fortune, poor a9 he isf Fiddle sticks, Lucilla ! A man who has coimnon sense would always wait until he had a commencement before proposed to any girl. 'Praise of your beauty. Tbe lovlicst creature he ever raw!" Exagger ation, my dear. You are not plain, but such flattery is absnrd. 'Must hear from you or die?' Dear, dear, dear—how ab surd !" And Mr. Richmond dropped the firet letter, and took up another. "The same stuff." he commented. "I hope you don't believe a [word he says. A plain, earnest, upright sort of man would never go into such rhapsodies, I am snr<*: Ah ! now, in nnmber three he calls you 'ange!, He is romantic, upon my word. And what is all this!" "Those who would forbid me to see you can find no fault with me but my poverty. I am honest—l am earnest in my efforts. I ain by birth a gentleman, and 1 love you from my soul. Do not let thtm sell you for gold, Lucilla." "Great heavens what impertinence to yonr parents!" "I don't remember Fred's saying any thing of that kind," said poor little Lucilla. "He uever knew vou would object." Mr. Richmond shook his head, frowned, and read on in his silence until the last sheet lay under his hand. Then, with an ejaculation of rage, he started to his feet. "Infamous !" he cried, "I'll go to him this instant—l'll horsewhip him I—l'll—l'll murder him ! As for you, by Jove, I'll send you to a convent. Elope, elope with a music teacher ! I'm ashamed to call you my daughter. Where's my hat ? Give me my boots. Here, John, call a cab !—l" But here Lucilla caught one arm and Mrs. Richmand the other. "Oh, papa, are jou craay!" said Lucilla, 'Freder never proposed such a thing. Let me see the letter. Do look, papa; it Is dated twenty years back, ai d Fredrick's name is not Charles 1. Papa, these are your love letters to mamma writen long ago. Her name is Ludilla, you know 1" Mr. Richmond sat down in his arm-chair in silence, very red in the face. "How did this occur?" he said, sternly and little Mrs. Richmond, retreating ii.to a corner, with her handkerchief to her eyes, sobbed : "I did it on purpose !" and paused, as though she expected a sudden judgment. But, hearing nothing, she dared at last to rise and cn-ep up to her husband timidly. "Ycu know, Charles," she said, "Its's so long ago since, and I thought yoi. might not exactly remember—how you fell in love with me at first sight, how papa and mama objected, and how at last we ran away together; and it seemed to me that if wc could bring it all back plainly to yon as it was then, we might let dear Lucilla marry the man she likes who is good, if he is not rich. I did not need it to be brought back any plainer myflelf, women have more o remember, you know. And we've been very happy—have we not ?" And certainly Mr. Richmond could not deny that. So Lucilla, feeling that her in terests might safely be left in her mother's keeping, slipped out of the room and heard the result of the ruse next morning. It was favorable to the young muic teacher, who had really only been sentimental, and had not gone half so far as elopement; and, in due course of time, the two were mar ried with all the pomp and giandeur befit ing the nuptials of a wealthy merchant's daughter, with the perfect approbation of Luciila's father and to the great joy of Lu cilla's mama, who justly believed that her little ruse had brought about all her daugh ter's happiness. A SWEET TEMCKH.—NO trait of charac ter is more valuable in a woman than a sweet temper. Home can never be made happy without it. It is like the flowers that spring up in our pathway, reviving and cheering us. Let a man go home weary and worn by the toils of the day and how soothing is a word dictated by a good disposition? It is sunshine falling on his heart He is li9ppy and tbe cares of life are forgotten. A sweet temper has a soothing influence over the mind of a whole family. Where it is found in the wife and mother, yoa observe kindness and love predominating over tbe natural feel ing of a bad heart. Smiles and kind words characterize the children, and peace and love have their dwelling there. Study then, to acquire and retain a sweet temper. It I- more valuable than gold ; it captivates more than beauty ; and to the close of lfe it retains all its freshness and power. A FAIR RKT<RT — A young lady dress ed in a Bloomer costume, who had wit as well as independence, was piesent at an evening party a short time since, where she attracted the attention of the gentle men and the sneers of gome of the ladiea. One extremely sensitive lady, who, no doubt, envied the pretty appearance of the costume, remarked to the wearer that it was a very immodest dress and unbecom ing to a lady. Tbe witty fair one replied: "If you should pull your dre*s up enough to cover your shoulders, it would then be shorter than mine!" The modest lady, whose dress seemed in danger of falling from her person, immediately fainted, aud fell into the arms of a waiter. THINGS WHICH ARE BEFORE. We are always moving and ifting at the stone of of corruption, which lies spon our hearts, but yet we never stir it, or at leaat never roll it off from us. We are ftomeiiraefl s little troubled with the guilt of our Bias sod then we must thrust our desires out of our hearts ; but afterward, we snrinkle ourselves over 1 know not what holy water, and so, are contented to j lei those desires still quietly within us : We every day truly confess the same sins, and pray against them ; and yet, we will j commit them as much a* ever, and lie jas deeply under the power "f tbem. We have the same water to pump out, iu everv j prayer; and still we let the same leak in again upon us. We make a great deal of noise and raise a gieat deal of dust with 1 our feet, but we do not move from off the ! ground on which we stood, we do not at' all go forward. Or, if we do sometimes make a little progress, we quickly lose again the ground which we had gained ; like those upper planets in the heaven, which, as the astronomers tell ns, some- 1 times stand perfectly still ; have tljeir sla- j tiuns and retrogradations. as well as their direct motions. As if religion were noth ing else hut a dancing up and down npon the same piece of ground, and making sev eral motions and frisking on it; and not a sober journeying and travelling onward toward some certain place. VERY GOOD. A correspondent who dislikes affecta tion in any form sends us the following [original anecdote: Dinner wna spread in the cabin of that peerless steamer, the New World, and a splendid company were assembled about ihe table. Among ihe passengers thus prepared for gartronoraic duty was a little creature of the genius fop decked daintily as an early butterfly, with kids of irre proachable whiteness, "miraculous" neck tio, and a spider like quizzing on his nose. The delicate animal turned his head affec tedly aside with— "Waitab!" •Sab?" "Bwing tne a pwopellah of a fwemale woostah." "Yis, sail!" "And waitah, tell the ateward to wub my plate with a wegetable called onion, which gives a delicious flavaw to my diunah. While the refined exquisite wa9 giving hia order, a jolly Western drover had listen ed with op'-n mouth and protruding eves— When the diminutive creature paused, he brought his fist down upon the table with a force that made every diah bounce, and then thundered : "Here! you gaul darned ace of spades!" '• Yis sah." "Bring me a thundering big plate of skunk's jjizzatds "Sah?" And an old jnk pot; tuck a horse blank et under my thin, nnd rub me down with brickbats while 1 feed." The poor dandy showed a pair of straight ti.ils iustanter, and the whole table joiued in a "tremendour roar*' " FLOWERS. No sitting room is completely finished without a few choice plants within it to give it an air of eheerfuluess, with their frichness and fragrance. Almost every article ornament aud luxury costs money ; but these the poorest household may enjoy at the expense of a little pleasant care, the reward of which will surely and speeddy follow. It is a constant source of delight to watch| the expanding leaves and swelling buds, growing as they do to be at once cherished friends instead of things inani mate, whose influence upon the character is ever refining and elevating, whose les sons of instructien are ever ennobling and purifying. \\ ho that has watched the grow ing beauty of some tender plant can won der that the French infidel, Compre de Charuey, who spent months in the care and study of a delicate flowering plant, was led by its influence to believe in its Maker? Thev are among the available means that have been placed within reach of toothers and sisters for rendering home attractive to its inmates, and holding them within its walls, leading them into the higher walks of refinement and purity which those who b-ve the beautiful pursue. The lessons winch they may teach by means of them cannot be forgotten, even though the path way in after lite may lie among thorns. Thousand of men breathe, move and live pass off the stage of life, and are heard of no more. YYhv ? They did not see a paiticle of their redemption, not a word they spoke could be recalled, and so they perished, their light went out in darkness, and they were not remembered more tnan the insects of yesterday. Will yon thus live and die, O, man immortal?— Live for something. Do good, and leave behind vou a monument of virtue that time can never destoy. Write your name in kind noss, love and mercy on tiie hearts of thous ands yon come in contact with, year by year and you will never be forgotten. No; your name, your deeds will be as legible on the hearts you leave behind, as the stars on the brow of the evening. Good deeds will shine as brightly ou the earth as the stars of heaven. The other day a young man board ing at the Danfortli House, was asked the time just a* ho set down to dinner. He pulled out what he supposed to be his watch, but what was really a live frog.— the reptile hopped across the table to tbe astonLhment of the young roan, and to the amusement of those who understood the joke. A waggish fellow workman had substituted the frog for the watch, the young man having taken off his Yeet and aid it aside. , TERMS, $2.00 Per. ANNUM, in Advance. |Jisf anb Btjutfoise. •'When you are in To key you meet do as the Turkey* do," aa a lady of guest philologi cal repute once Mid. Why does a person that is poorly lose much of hie sense of touch ? Because he doesn't feel well. Briggs has a faculty for getting things cheap. The other day he had a beautiful *et of teeth inserted for nothing. He kicked a | dog- Why is dishonest bankrupt like an honest poor man ? Because both fail to get rich. „ President Johnson is going to.the Lookout Mountain House. "Deacon," said a minister, after a heavy sermon, "I'm very tired." "Indeed," said the deacon ; "then you'll kuow bow to pity us." An old tnaid's convention is to be held at Luile Rock, Arkansas, "to gain a true knowl edge ot the the nature and attributes ofinen." An Australian is exhibiting in England, who allows himself to be struck in the breast with a fourteen pound sledge hammer. A chicken dealer in Fulton Market, named Bobbins, is said to be worth five million. He tends his own stall. At a public dinner, Home Tooke, hearing of the retreat of the Duke of York before the French, gave as a toast, "The bravo foil J were of the Duke of York." "What do you call this ?" said Mr. Jones Smith, gently tapping his breakfast with his fork, "Call it ?" snarled the landlady, "what do you call it ?" "Well, really, said Smith# "I don't know. There is hardly hair enough in it for mortar, but there is entirely 100 much if it it intended for hash." "What's that a picture on ?" said a coun tryman in our hearing,the other day,in a prn.t store to the proprietor, who was turning over some engravings "That, sir," said the deal er, "is Joshoa commanding the sun to stand still." "Du tell ! Well, which is Joshua and which is his son ?" "In a short biographical notice of Pope ' which 1 compelled for an addition of his po ems," said an author, "I briefly enumerated his prose works, among which 1 named his "Memoirs.of a Parish Priest." When the proof camo before ine, 1 found that the com positor bad set it Memoirs of a Paint Brush!" .-• A man with a very large bald head was complimented on the fact that his caput was analogous to Greenland. "Why so ?" ho as ked "Because it is a great white bear (bare) place," was the reply. A fellow was told at a tailor shop that three yards of cloth by being wet, would shrink one quarter of a yard. "Well then," he in quired, "if you should vet a quarter of a yard, would there be aoy left 7" "I wonder where those clouds are going ?', sighed Flora, pensively, as she pointed with delicate finger to heavy masses that floated in the sky. ' I think they are going to thun der !" said her brother. A very modest young lady who was a pas senger on board a packet ship, it is said sprang out of her berth, and jumped over board on hearing the captain, during a storm order the mate to "haul down the snecls There is something exquisite iD the Yan kee'# reply to the' European traveller, when he asked h>tn whether he had just crossed the Alps. "Wal, now, you call my attention to the fact, I guess I did pass risin' ground. One exceedingly warm day in July a neigh bor met an old man and remarked that it was very hot. "Yes," says Joe, "if it wasn't for one thing, I should say we were going to have a thaw." "What is that ?" inquired his friend. "There's nothing froze," saya Joe. The man went on his way much cnligh en ed. A schoolmaster in a neighboring town while on hit morning walk, passed by tho door of a neighbor, who was excavating a log for a pig trough. "Why," said the schoolmaster, "Mr. S. have you not furniture yet ?" "Yes," said the man, "enough for my own family, but I expect to board the school master this winter, and am making prepara tions." . — • - ■ - - Two young princes, the sons of Archduke Charles of Austria, had a warm dibate in the presence of no lesa a personage than the Em peror himself. Greatly excited, one said to the other; "You are the greatest asa in Vienna I" Highly offended at the quarrel iuhia pres ence, the Emperor interrupted them, saying with mdigoaticn : ''Come, come, young gentlemen, you forget 'hat I am present NO. 5.