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VllL. VII. Puomiiig Qraorral. A Democratic weekly - detoteJ to lV.lt tics News, the Arte !- ..1 Sciences Ac. Put,- J liiked every Aie'liics- _jft • jfcgSg.v jay, at Tunkhannock Wyoming County, Pa V V * V . j'' BY HARVEY SICKIER Terms —1 copy 1 year, (in advance ) #2,00; if mat paid within six months, 62.30 will he .hurled NO paper will he DISCONTIN UED, until all ar rearagesre pail; ualoss at the option of publisher. RATES OF ADVEUTI6ING. TEX LINES CONSTITUTE A SQUARE. One sq unre one or three insertions $1 50 Every substqu nt insertion less than 8--••••-- --5U REAL ESTATE, PERSOXAL PROPERTV, and GENERAL ADVERTISIXO, as uiav he agreeJ Uj.in, PATENT MKMCISES and other adveriisemcnts oy the column : One column, 1 year, 860 Half column, I year 25 Third column, 1 yeir, 25 Fourth column, i year, 20 Business Cards of one square or less, peryear with paper, #8 r*T EDITORIAL or LOCAL TTP.M advertising—with out A tvcrti;en ent—ls ot*. f*r line. Liberal terms mads with permanent advertisers. EXECUTORS, ADMINISTRATORS and AUDI TOR'S NOTICES, of the usual length, $2,50 OBrTU ARIEL- "Tcecdinsr ten lin stench; KELI GIoUS and LITERARY NOTICES, not of general aiereet, one half toe regular rates. rjy" A Ivsrtbe-u-'n's mas t I e han 1c 1 in bv Ti ES- j en XouN, to insure insertion the same wtek. JOB W;RK sfAllkinls neatly executed and at prices to suit j t'ie times. All TRANSIENT ADVERTISEMENTS ami JOB WOKK i! ust he paid fir, when ordered Bus in ess No I iccs. ) 11..P iV M I IITLL ATTORNEYS AT 11 LAW Office.on Tioga Street Tunkhannock Pa HK, COOPER, PHYSICIAN A SURGEON . Newton Centre, Luzerne County Pa. 0 1., IWKHISII, ATTORNEY AT LAW. • C'fij -e at the Court in Tuukhanock Wjuniing Co. l'a. U~ . JM. M. PIATT, ATiOKKEi AT LA f Cce in Stark's l>rick block Tioga at., Tuna an nek. Pa CNASFC, ATTORNEY AND COUNSEL i ) LOR AT LAW, Nicholson. Wyoming Co-, Pa R-,eciil attention given to settlement ol dece iti' t estates Nicholson, Pa. Die 5, IS|ji v.nl9yl Ml. II,SON, AT I O -NFY AT LAW, Col • lecting and Real Estate Agent. lowa Lands fcr sale. Sciantoa, Pa. 3oif. J \V. RIIOADS. PHYSK IAN A SUR< T.O , J. will attend pr.niptly to all calls in his pro fe.-ion. May be louud at bis Office at the Drug !■ re. or at bis residence on Putmau Sreet, formerly •ccupied by A. K. l'eiktiaiu Esq. DENTISTRY. \• i DP.. 1. T. BURNS lias pertnanenily located in t unkhannoeti Borough, and rcsj.ci tlully tenders Mi r>rofewional service? t> its* *itteiiß. • .-e Oil secoud floor, foimerly occupied ly Dr. t i man. v6n3Ctf. PORTRAIT, LANDSCAPE, 0 H TT A ME ST T ISC L rATWTIICG. ■JSy It'. JiUGE/i, Ar/itf. over the Wyoming National bank,in Stark's Back Block, TEN'KFIAVNOCK. PA. Life-size Portraits painted from Ainlvofvpe? or Pl-. .grailis- Photographs Painted in OiICV lors All orders for paintings executed according to or- Tsr.or no charge maje. 5 ;?*" Instructions given in Drawing. Sketching, P- rtrnit an.l Landscape Painting, in Oil or water Colors, and in 11 branches of the art. Tuck , July 31, "tj" -vgnSU-tt. BOLTON HOUSE. llAUUlSiniiti, PENNY. The undersigned having lately pur. hased the "lii'EHLER HOUSE " property, has already com-| ■sa -e,l such alterations and improvement* as will wader this old and popular House equal, if riot supe rior, to any* Hotel in the City of llarrishurg. A continuance of the public patronage is refpect ftlly solicited. GEO. J. BOLTON WALL'S HOTEL, LATE AMERICAN HOUSE, TUNKHANNOCK, WYOMING CO., I*4. Till? establishment has recently been refitted an furnished in tne latest stylo Evcrv attention ■til He given to th" comfort and convenience ol those •is patronize the Iloue. T. B WALL, Owner and Proprietor . Tunkhannock,September 11. Wit MEANS' HOTEL. PA . lb 1!- BART I.FT, [Lite of t . '■'BRAIXARD Hot'se, LI.UIRA, N. Y- I'KOl'KlfcTOK. The MEANS HOTEL, i-one of the LARGEST nd LEST ARRANGED Houses in the country—lt 1 Sued up in the most modern and unproved style I'D LI. pains are spared to make it a pleasantaad tjree ible stopping jqace for all, v3u2l-ly. Commercial College,—The success of Oard tfcr'j Business College and Ladies' Academy, at f ririon, has surpass it all expectation The coarea of study is more thorough -the terms are cheaper— Hi give better satisfaction than any ether Collego f tn kind in Pennsylvania. Lile Scbol orrkip SIS 00. Clubs at reJu.-ed rates Send tor Hilrge Paper giving full particulars. Address J. c Gardner. Principal, Scraulon, Pa. uTulliyl INFORMATION. Information guaranteed to produce a luxuriant ftawth of hair upon a baid head or beardless taco. a recipe for the removal of Pimples, Blotches, L'uptions, etc ,on the skin, leaving the same soft Msar, and beautiful, can he obtained without charge -T adiresing. THO3. F CHAPMAN, Chemint. SNRnnud UnnaKmM TUNKHANNOCK, WYOMING CO.. PA.-WEDNESDAY, MAY 13. 1808. Octritli's Column. Spring Trade for '6B Will open on or about the Ist of May, AT TUNKHANNOCK, PEI'A. C. Detriclt, (SUCCBSSOB TO BL'XXELL K BAXXATVXS.) Pioposts to establish himself permanently in traJe at this place, at the Brick store house in Sam'l Stark's Block, where by fair dealing and fair prices he expects to merit and receive the public patronage. Attention is called to the following in Dry Goods : SILKS, POPLINS, ALPACAS, LUSTRES, DELAINES. GINGHAMS, PRINTS, SHAWLS. 1,41)1 ES' SACQUINGB, DRESS TRIMMINGS, BLEACHED AND BROWN MUSLINS, CLOTHS AND CASSIMERES GENTS' FURNISHING GOODS, TOII, E T ARTICLES. NOTIONS, AC. :n: Groceries. SUGAR, TEA, COFFEE, MOLASSES, RICE, SYRUP, CANDLES, SOAP, STARCH, FLOUR, IE ED, SALT, PORK, BUTTER, CHEESE, DRIED BEEF, HAMS, FISH of all kind*, BEANS, AC., AC., Hardware, ' A FULL ASSORTMENT. Cutlery OF ALL KINDS, MEN'S AND BOYS' Hats and Caps. Boots Sf Shoes, A FULL ASSORTMENT. This branch of business made a gpjiality. A lot of SEWED ARMY SHOES. A GREAT BARGAIN, SOLE LEATHER. CROCKERY. STONE, WOOD AND TINWARE, in great variety. All kinds of Produce taken in exchange for Goods. The above articles will be kept in full assortment. I I mesa to make the experiment of goods sold ia quantites cheaper than ever before in this vtcioity, I shall be happy to see yon, and yon can depend np on Coding bargains In every department. Goods re ceived every week. Respectfully yours, a vjrrxscjb, Iflrfrg. BIG INJUN OVER THE RHINE. Not long ago a delegation of Indian chiefs from the far West, who had beeo onto Washington on business connected wilh their tribes, passed through Cincinnati en rout* tot their hoiues One of their number became so infatuuted with lager beer that he was left behind. 'The following touching lines were suggested to the ' Fat Contributor" by seeing the noble red man in a beer garden, engaged in the wild and hopoless task of drinking old drinkers tight : An Injun sal n a garden, Dynking his lager beer ; He had left hfs wigwam on the plains And his squaw she wasn't near ; But a Dutch girl stood beside him To hear what he should say, And replied to the Injun j trgon — "Nix cum hetaus, unt nix ver stay." This beery Injun blulbored As he took the Dutch girl's hand. And said : "Me never more shall see Me own. me native I and ; Bear a message- and a scalp or two— To those distant friends of mine, For I am a big Injun— Big Injun over the Rhine. "Tell my mother that her other sons Shall co.nfort her old sge, Chase the buffalo, scalp the drivers Of the overland mail stage ; For my fa'hor was a wsrtior bold, And e'en as a pa pose I j iyc d to know that the old man Was 'sounl ou the goose.' And when he died uud left us To divide hi s scanty hoard, I let them take what 'ere they would, But kept tny father's gourd ; Now take and fill it high with beer, Let's see tha lsger shiaa — Gross glass for the big Injun— Big Injun over the Rhine. ' Tell my sister not to whimper Because she misses one. When the lujuu delegation Comes baik from Wa-Riogton ; But look upon them proudly, And uevcr shed a tear, Her brother's the only I jun As aiu't afraid of beer And if .me brave her love should seek, Then it would please me much, If mingled with his Injun blood Was just a shade cl Dutch. I'd drink his health in this old gourd, (My talher's gourd and mine ) For the honor of Big lujun- - Big iDjuu over the Rhine." liis voice grew faint and hoarser, II is legs grew limp and weak. He be. ktned feebly with his gourd, Hiccupped and ceased to speak. A [ol iceman bent to lilt him, The task it was n't light, The savage from beyond the Plains Lay across the table tight. And the soft inuen rose up slowly, As the lights seemed turning lower, And the loud Teutonic music Was drowned by the.Rod Man's snore lie jell early in the battle— 'Twas only half prst nine— This boastful, beery lujuu B ; g Injun over the Rhine, A TABLOW IN THREE ACKS. BY JOSH BILLINGS. Ack Fust—Enter a lap dorg earn ing a hoarding school miss in her arms, about 1(3 hands high. It makes the dorg puff— the dog lays down the hoarding school miss, arid orders mint juL-ks for two, with the usual suckshun. The dorg begins tew 1011, the boarding school miss tells him "tew dry* up," (in French j and the dorg says "lie he darned if lie will," (in dorg,) great sensation among the awjance with cries of "put hirn out !" Finally a coni piomise is affectc I, the hording school miss kisses the doig with teats in her eyes. Konklusion —Lap dorg discovers a wicked flea at work on liis tail—putsoos him round and round they go—dorg a little ahead —somebody hollers "mad dog !"'— boarding school miss faints standing—the knrtin drops. Ack number 2—Curtin rises slowly— big bolona sarsage on the tabh—bolona sarsage lifts up her head Xnrl begins tew bark—band plays "Old Dork Tray." Kat cums in—kat's tale b> gins lew swell —bo- lona sarsage and kat has a flte. They titer! 14 rounds—the stage is covered with kats and dogs Konkitision—tha all jine hands and walk tew the foot lights, an old Bull Tarrier, reads the President's call for "300,000 moie'—Land plays 'Go in Lem ons—bell rings and knrtin will. Ack number 3—A scene on the Erie Kauai —a terrible s'Orm rages—the kanal acts bad—several boats go down head fust with awl their boarders on boird —kant make a Ice shore—tha drag their ankers— some of them have the best luck at swear ing—the water is strewed with pots and kettles—several cooks and mates swim ashore with their siovos in their teeth— they have tew draw off the kanal to stop the storm. Konklusion-—men are seen along the hanks of the kanal spearing dead hosses and eel*—band plays "A Life on the Osbun Waive." Amid tremendjus applause the kurtin falls, and the awjeence disperse, single file. - What is the difference between accepted and rejected lovers ? The ac cepted kisses the misses, and tho rejected misses the kisses. - Bless God for what you have, and trust God for what you want. " To Sneak his Thouerhta is Every Freeman's Flight. " ANECDOTE OF JUDGE MARSHALL. John Marshall was never more respect ed than when he was "throwing quoits, with his coat off, under the trees. Affection was added to admiration, that was all. All felt what the bitter orator of Koanoke did, when he said in th<> old con vention of 1829, " I know the goodness of his heart too well to have supposed it pos sible that he could have intended to give me pain. Sir, I believe that like "my Uncle Toby, he would not even hurt a Hy." IJe never wounded anybody, I believe in all his lile. His bonliornme was per fect and, endeared him to old and young. A th m-and anecdotes are told of it, as of his simplicity. A gentleman informed rue, some time since, that his lather, when a boy, had been a cletk in one of the courts, and one day was sent round to the Chief Justice's house wilh a bund eof law pa pers. He was a mere youth at the time, a copyist in the office, and his juvenile mind had been overshadowed l>y the re nown and dignity of the Chief Justice — Lie therefore approached the old square mansion on Maishail street with something very much like awe, and knocked at the door, ( there was no bell ) with no little apprehension of the august personage whom he was about to see. Tiie Judge came to the door himself, and welcomed him into his study wish asm le, making him sit down while lie examined the pa pers. This ceremony performetL, the aw ful personage turned upon the boy, whose f'e;>r# had now departed. The lips of the gieal functionary opened, he stretched out hi< hand, and uttered the terrible words, " Your name i* Jimmy 11 , is it not mv boy?" "Yes, sir," faltered the youth. " Well Jimmy," continued the Chief Justice, rising with alacrity, * let us CO into tie bark yard, uirl bare ay nnv of marbih /** And the game was played ac cordingly ; which triumphed, I did not J Lear. A PLEA FOR THE LITTLE FOLKS. Don't expect too much of them ; it has taken forty years, it may he, to make you what you are, with all their lessons ol experience ; and 1 dare say yon are a faulty b< ing at best. Above all, don't expect judgement in a cliiid, or patience under trials. Sympathize in the>r mistakes and troubles, don't ridicule them. Rein< mber not to measure a cbild's trials by* your standard. "As one whom his mother comfortetb, " says the inspired writer, and beautifully dots lie convey to us the deep faithful love that ought to he found in ev ery woman's heart, the unfailing sympa thy withal! her children's griefs. When I see ehi'dren going to their father for comfort, lam sure there is something wrong with their mother. Let tlie memories of their childhood be as bright as you can make them. Grant tie in evi ry innocent pleasure inyoni pow r. We have often felt our temper rise tffi see how carelessly their little plans .are thwarted by older persons, when a little trouble on their part wouid have given a child pleasure the memory of which woul I la t a lifetime. Lastly, don't think a child a hopeless case because it betrays s me very had habits. W'c have known chil dren that seemed to have been born thieves and liars, so early did they display these un Jcsiralde traits, yet we have lived to see these children become noble rneti and wo men, and ornaments to society. We must confess they had wise, affectionate parents. And whatever else you may be compelled lo deny your child by your circumstances in life, give it what it most values, plenty of love. —Episcopal Methodist. THE DISCIPLINE OF SORROW. —If the hi >ek of inaible that lies before the sculp tor was capable of feeling, how would it deplore and bemoan every stroke of the hammer, chipping off piece alter piece of substance ! It would deem lis lot a pitia ble one indeed. And yet that hammer atid chisel are transforming that rough and shapeless stone into a form of life, grace, and beauty fit to adorn the palace of a king So it is with us. Our characters are like unhewn blocks of marble, rude, mis shapen, comparatively worthless. And God is sculpturing them into forms of di vine symmetry and beauty, that may lot ever illustrate to the universe the power of His grace. T lis heavy block of adversity and the rasping cares and petty annoy ances of our daily life, are but different ! parts of the same divine aud loving pro cess. And shall we look simply at the ham ;nt r and chisel, and forget or doubt tlie ' glorifying woik for which God is using | them? Bhall we think only of the chips which the blows ot his picsenee strike from it-, and overlook the immortal characters i which the Great Sculptor is seeking thus to perfect for His celestial temple ? A LAWYER'S APPEAL. —The thun der rolled, the moon rolled, the stars wink ed, the sky was a complete web —gentle— : men of the jury—of darkling darkness on that night * and yet this ere man did, with malice aforethought, steal forth inter the quiet shades of a lonely farmer's house, and then maliciously pisened bis Inindle y< llow d"g. Convict him, and the prayers of a nation are yours ! r" Are vou not alarmed at the ap proach of the King of Terrors?" said a nun ster to a sick man. u Oh, no! I have been living six and thir ty years with the Queen of Terrors ; the I King can't be much worse." MTJTBRIOUS DISAPPEARANCE. — About a year ago two young men who passed for brothers —John and Frank Howard ram* to this section of the country, open ing in partnership house and sign paint ing establishments at l'ottstown and Phoeuixville, They were intelligent, good workmen, got into business, entered soete tv, took part iu religious meetings—John at Pottstown professing to be a Baptist, and Frank at Phojnixville a Ale hodist— Good Templars, teachers at Sunday-School, &c. By and by both got married, to re spectable young ladies of means. All went will until recently, John making arrange ments to go into partnership in a store here, and Frank assisting his wife in a store she owned ai Sudden ly both men went away, avowedly t. go home to Massachusetts, ( where they pre tended to hail from, ) to get money to go into business—but as three or four weeks* have elapsed, and they are still among the missing, it is generally believed they are. swindlers, and have gone elsewhere with a view of playing the same dishonora ble game. John Howard is S3OO or #4OO in debt in l'ottstowu, and Frank is said to have obtained a considerable sum of mon ey belonging to his "wife. It is hardly possible that they may turn up yet, or that tiiey have been foully dealt li with ; hut neither we, or the wronged ones they have lelt behind, we believe have any such hope. Thev wi re gay deceivers, of the most art ful kind, and it is to be hoped that they may be arrested, and banded over to the i tender mercies of the law. — PuHstowu . Lcdyer. An Important Point in Insurance. The Supreme Coujt ol Pennsylvania has dccid.-d a point of considerable importance to persons insured in the Lycoming Mu -1 tual. A policy vvas issued by that com pany, which contained the following pio uisioii viz : "It is also agreed that the aggregate nmout of insurance in this and other com panies, ou this property shall not exceed two thirds of the estimated cash value." Ift the application, the value of the pro perty was estimated at $11,610 ; insurance on it was subsequently effected in other companies, with the knowledge and acqui escence of the agent of the Lycoming, Un til the aggregate amount was $12,000 The. property having been destroyed by tire, the Lycoming resisted payment on the ground that the amount insured having ex ceeded two thirds of the value of the prop erty, its policy was thereby rendered void The Supreme Court decided that the clause in the policy, limiting the total amount amount of insurance two thirds of the estimated value, constituted a condition which the insured was bound to observe ; that the violation of it woiked a forfeiture of ihe policy ; that an agent could not, by merely acquiescing in excessive insurance, bind the company to permit a gieater amount of insurance, than that specified in the policy ; and that, therefore, there co'd be no recovery on the policy ot the Lycom ing. (1 P. F. Sm , 402.) It is therefore mqioilant for those who hold policies in the Lycoming Mutual not to allow the total amount of their insurance to exceed two thirds ol the estimated cash value of the property insured ; if they do, the policies of the Lyco tiling will thereby be forfeited, ug anything said ot done by its agents. Those who wish insurance to a greater amount must deal exclusively with otljer companies, whose policies do not contain a conditijn forbid ding it. ARKANSAS ELECTION FRAUDS. —At the* recent election in I'uhiski County, Arkat*- sas, though 987, votes were polled against the Constitution, the majority for it was greater than the combined registration of whites and blacks. This fraud has not, as yet, been investigated.— ZV. Y. Commercial Advertiser. If not "investigated." it is fully explain ed bv (he seventeen days of election held in that State to •accommodate tho delicate niggers to select lair weather and their own convenience to go to the polls. " Grant aa a Soldier and a Statesman." A publisher et Hartford, Conn., sends us the hading pages of a proposed book, bearing the above title, with the promise that he will send us a copy for a good no tice, Arc. We beg leave to difb'r with tin; gentleman; we don't want the book. Me know enough of Grant as a soldier; the truest account we can get is, that he is a j man of spirits :as to his Statesmanship, we want none of his M e have read the few pages sent us, and pronounce ; them a ti*sne < f falsehood. Edward Uow ! hud had better turn his attention to yellow | cover literature. —Jeffrrsonion. THE ERIE RAILROAD DISASTER.— The conductor of the sleeping car w hich was burned at ttie late disaster at Carr's Kock, reports that there were twenty-three pas sengers in that car at the time of the acci dent. Only two persons are known to have escaped from this car, and these, with the six bodies that were found among its ruins, leave fifteen p.tsseipjers of whom no trace has been found. This statement agrees with the one made bv tho porter ot the car. who is now suffering at his father's residence, near Jersey City, from injuries received by the accident. A boy at Unadilla, Mich., fell upon a saw in a tactory It cut his body thro' the back, sawing three of his ribs of thrice oooned his heart case, sawing both arms nearly off near the elliow, and left a gash in his body nearly fifteen inches long. He 4id pot dt for wveral days, THE LOON. —To " yell like a loon " has passed into a proverb,ar.d is applied, or dinarily, to Very tumultuous and unpleas ant sounds. But the cry of a loon is not unph-asßut to me. I like to hear it among the silence and darkness of repose. There is a sort of grandeur about it which ele vates it,'to my ear far above the dismal, hollow hoot of the owl. There is a melan choly, graveyard tone about the latter which alwais makes me feel nervous.— And you are almost sure to hear it about m dnight, rijjht above you—for the gloomy bird is attracted by the camp-lire, and generally perches himself upon some with ered hemlock or berch, to give out Lis un earthly hoot just as you have passed into one of the soundest of your night's naps. Another proverb is," straight as a loon's leg, " and no proveibcan be more truth ful and expressive, A loon's leg has no joint, and is like a pip stem. The result is that it finds it next to impossible to walk. Its " home is on the deep ;' and in its power to remain under water it moie near ly resemhlt-s a fish than a bird. #t is in this power, with the instinctive knowledge of the habits of a fish, which enables it to " fare smupluous'y every day," Most ac tive fish, but the trout particularly, during most of the year, when seeking food, move near the surface of the water. And the trout, in its pursuit of flits ari l insects, is generally up. Taking advantage of this habit, the loon dives deep, keeping his eye upon his victim, steadily comes up be neath him, and gulps him down while he is steadily preparing to gulp down some thing which he hopes to discover on the sur'ace of the water. BRINGING HER TO. —There is a true story told of a very faithful and efficient janitor in a neighboring city, who has lor vcar.s been a great favorite with the people among whom he resides, and with all of our own who have atti nded enter tainments of which he has had charge.— During the excitement and crowd of a ball or lecture, a short time since, a lady faint ed. He was always readi for any emer gency of this kind, an J had all the neces sary restoratives close at hand for us; She was borne in'o an ante-ioom and our friend rushed for his bottle of camphor, soon returning and proceeding immediate ly to rub her face and forehead, and put it to lief nose to smell of. After rubbing a whiie she revived, and lie then became conscious that there was something wrong about the camphor. Lie smelt of it, and found that all of its virtue had evaporated ; lie applied his tongue to it, and found to his dismay, that lie had been bathing his patient liberally with mucilage! Jibe was so stuck up by the attention that she liad to be sent home in a carriage. W KBSTER ox NEWSPAPERS —Daniel Webster believed in newspapers, and he used to say : " Small is the sum that is required to patronize a newspaper, and simply tewarded is its patron. I care not how humble or unpn tending the gazette which he takes. It is impossible to fill a sheet wilh printed matter without putting something in it that is worth the pi ice of subscription. Every parent whose son is a Any at school, should send him a newspa per. I well remember * marked difference between those ot my schoolmates who had, and those who had not, access to newspa pers. Other things being equal, the first were always superior to the latter in de pate, composition, and general intelligence. BOUND TO GET MARRIED. —A eonp'e recently presented themselves at an Eng lish church to be mairiid. The clergy man, perceiving that tho bridegroom was drunk, refused to perform the ceremony, and after administering a reprimand to him. told ihe bride to return with him the next day. The co iple <lid return the next day, when the bridegroom appeared to be even more drunk than lie had been the day before. The clergyman then addressed the bride, and asked her how she cou!d think ol uniting herself to such a confirm ed sot. The girl replied with touching NAIVETTE, Willy is not a confirmed sot, sir ; but when he is s >ber he does not want to marry me, so I cannot help bring ing lum here drunk if 1 am to marry Lint at all." An exchange asks: " What are ! we taxi-d fur?" Well, sir, pretty much; as follows: First, to free the niggers, and make 1 them your equal. ► Second, to support niggers in idleness, and therebv to make th< in y- ur superior. Third, T<> pay the taxes ot ih-se nigger paupers, and thus to enable them to out vote you. Fourth, to keep up an army to overawe yon and destroy your liberties. The above, and about a hundred other similar things, is what you are taxed for. GOING ON.- -Seeing a great crowd gathered in the street, a gentleman, meet ing a boy said to him, " Is there anything going on ? " " Yes, sir, " was the ready teply. There is two things guin' on ; you're goin' on, and I'm goin' on." A •' All maidens are very good, "says one moralist; " but whet# do the bad wives come from;" The bad wives are the maidens turned sour. ' JBST Hooaftty i* tha best policy. TERMS, $2.00 Per. ANNUM, in Advance NO. 40. ; sJise anti JHjur&jijf. • _ Transported lor life— the man who married happily. Mot to for barbers and hairdressers Cut and comb again. Why is a soldier more tired on the first day of April than any other month ? Be cause he has just had a March of 31 days. A Sunday School pupil iu the course of examination on the Psalms,was asked "What j is the pestilence that walketh in darkness ?" ! The reply was, ' Please, sir, bed bugs." B hat's the diff rt-nee between the manner of the death of a barber and sculpture ? One curls up and dies, and the other makes faces and busts. "Maty, my a not very attentivo husband to his wife at the dinner table, i '"shall I help you to a piece of the heait T'— i "I believe" said she, "that a piece of the 1 heart is all I have ever got from you." A country lawyer who was the happy fatta | cr of ten tad girls, averaging about six feet in height, often boasted that he had about sixty feet of daughters. Women act on impulse, men on reason . The result is 'hat w u:eu occupy ten times as many positions as men, and get at aud J from them with corresponding speed. "S'eel your 1; art," said a considerate fath • or to his sou, '"for ycu ate now going among , "oniu fascitis'trig g:rU,'' "I had much ratner | steal thews," said the promising young man.® A man out West who offered bail for s ; friend was asked by the judge if he had an incumbrance on his farm. ' Oh, yes," said he, "my old wouitn." A Scotchman went to a lawyer once for ! advice, and detailed the circumstances of the j case. '"Have you told the lac's just as they i necorred ?" said the lawyer. "Ay," was j the reply, "1 thuot ye wad put the lies in ! tc it." A certain ccckney, < vetc- me by his sensi bilities, fainted at the grave of his fmrth spouse. "What shall we do v.ith him?"— asked a perplexed friend u#his. '"Let him alone," said a waggish bystander, ' he'll soon re Wise." "What is he running for '?" said a man to us. this rp.oming, on seeing us part with a gentleman with whom we bad been shaking hands, "For no office whatever," we replied "Why did you ask the question ?" "Why he was so polite, I thought maybo be was a candidate." "Will you have a daiiy Sun ?" said a news boy to Mrs. Partington. "Will 1 have a daily son ? Why, you little scapegrace ! How dare you insinuate against a lone woman 1— No, indeed—l gues 1 won't have a daily son. My poor, dear hu-band used to com plain awfully when I presented him with a yearly son. A daily son, imbed! Begone, you lit*.le upstart imp !" And the old lady called for the turkey wing fan to keep her from swooning. A BOSOM PIN.— A young gentleman from the country stepped into a country store and the proprietor that his occupation was that ola car pent ir, and lie desired to get a bosom pin tnibleinatic of that profes sion. The obliging jeweler looked over his stock, and, finding nothing else, showed htm a very tine Masonic pin. The young man looked at it carefully. "Yes," said he, "there's the compass and >quare. I use both of them—tut why did'ut they but a saw in it ? It's first ra.e as far as it goes. Ilallo ! there's G—what does that st ;nd for ?" The jeweler didn't know. The man studied carefully for a moment, and a bright idea struck him. His face Hushed as if be had made a disc >very. "I have it," be satd : "it it's all right. G stands tor gimlet. C in; ass, square and gim let. That will do—l will take it." There was a little touch of sadness in his voice- as he pinue-d the emblem on bis coat and went away muttering. "Cinioass, square and giuile*t. Ido wish I 'here was a saw, though." j "Why were you not up wiih the lark this morning, as I last night tIJ you to be . | said an iroiie father to his sluggard son. j ■ The reason 1 was not up with the lark j this morning, was because I was on a lark j last night, sir." j "My dear iloiatio, I bad a very mysterious ■ dream about you." "What was it, dear ?" "I dreamed I saw you carried up to Heav en in a golden chariot, surrounded by angels c'oihed in white and purple. What is that a i sign of, dear ?" j "It is a sign of a foul stomach, my dear." I Tamperaoou u a great virtue.