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Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, May 13, 1868, Image 1

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VllL. VII.
Puomiiig Qraorral.
A Democratic weekly -
detoteJ to lV.lt
tics News, the Arte !-
..1 Sciences Ac. Put,- J
liiked every Aie'liics- _jft • jfcgSg.v
jay, at Tunkhannock
Wyoming County, Pa V V * V . j''
Terms —1 copy 1 year, (in advance ) #2,00; if
mat paid within six months, 62.30 will he .hurled
NO paper will he DISCONTIN UED, until all ar
rearagesre pail; ualoss at the option of publisher.
One sq unre one or three insertions $1 50
Every substqu nt insertion less than 8--••••-- --5U
ADVERTISIXO, as uiav he agreeJ Uj.in,
PATENT MKMCISES and other adveriisemcnts oy
the column :
One column, 1 year, 860
Half column, I year 25
Third column, 1 yeir, 25
Fourth column, i year, 20
Business Cards of one square or less, peryear
with paper, #8
r*T EDITORIAL or LOCAL TTP.M advertising—with
out A tvcrti;en ent—ls ot*. f*r line. Liberal terms
mads with permanent advertisers.
TOR'S NOTICES, of the usual length, $2,50
OBrTU ARIEL- "Tcecdinsr ten lin stench; KELI
GIoUS and LITERARY NOTICES, not of general
aiereet, one half toe regular rates.
rjy" A Ivsrtbe-u-'n's mas t I e han 1c 1 in bv Ti ES- j
en XouN, to insure insertion the same wtek.
sfAllkinls neatly executed and at prices to suit j
t'ie times.
WOKK i! ust he paid fir, when ordered
Bus in ess No I iccs.
11 LAW Office.on Tioga Street Tunkhannock Pa
. Newton Centre, Luzerne County Pa.
• C'fij -e at the Court in Tuukhanock
Wjuniing Co. l'a.
Cce in Stark's l>rick block Tioga at., Tuna
an nek. Pa
i ) LOR AT LAW, Nicholson. Wyoming Co-, Pa
R-,eciil attention given to settlement ol dece
iti' t estates
Nicholson, Pa. Die 5, IS|ji v.nl9yl
• lecting and Real Estate Agent. lowa Lands
fcr sale. Sciantoa, Pa. 3oif.
J. will attend pr.niptly to all calls in his pro
fe.-ion. May be louud at bis Office at the Drug
!■ re. or at bis residence on Putmau Sreet, formerly
•ccupied by A. K. l'eiktiaiu Esq.
DP.. 1. T. BURNS lias pertnanenily located in
t unkhannoeti Borough, and rcsj.ci tlully tenders
Mi r>rofewional service? t> its* *itteiiß.
• .-e Oil secoud floor, foimerly occupied ly Dr.
t i man.
■JSy It'. JiUGE/i, Ar/itf.
over the Wyoming National bank,in Stark's
Back Block,
Life-size Portraits painted from Ainlvofvpe? or
Pl-. .grailis- Photographs Painted in OiICV lors
All orders for paintings executed according to or-
Tsr.or no charge maje.
5 ;?*" Instructions given in Drawing. Sketching,
P- rtrnit an.l Landscape Painting, in Oil or water
Colors, and in 11 branches of the art.
Tuck , July 31, "tj" -vgnSU-tt.
llAUUlSiniiti, PENNY.
The undersigned having lately pur. hased the
"lii'EHLER HOUSE " property, has already com-|
■sa -e,l such alterations and improvement* as will
wader this old and popular House equal, if riot supe
rior, to any* Hotel in the City of llarrishurg.
A continuance of the public patronage is refpect
ftlly solicited.
Till? establishment has recently been refitted an
furnished in tne latest stylo Evcrv attention
■til He given to th" comfort and convenience ol those
•is patronize the Iloue.
T. B WALL, Owner and Proprietor .
Tunkhannock,September 11. Wit
PA .
lb 1!- BART I.FT,
[Lite of t . '■'BRAIXARD Hot'se, LI.UIRA, N. Y-
The MEANS HOTEL, i-one of the LARGEST
nd LEST ARRANGED Houses in the country—lt
1 Sued up in the most modern and unproved style
I'D LI. pains are spared to make it a pleasantaad
tjree ible stopping jqace for all,
Commercial College,—The success of Oard
tfcr'j Business College and Ladies' Academy, at
f ririon, has surpass it all expectation The coarea
of study is more thorough -the terms are cheaper—
Hi give better satisfaction than any ether Collego
f tn kind in Pennsylvania. Lile Scbol
orrkip SIS 00. Clubs at reJu.-ed rates Send tor
Hilrge Paper giving full particulars. Address J.
c Gardner. Principal, Scraulon, Pa. uTulliyl
Information guaranteed to produce a luxuriant
ftawth of hair upon a baid head or beardless taco.
a recipe for the removal of Pimples, Blotches,
L'uptions, etc ,on the skin, leaving the same soft
Msar, and beautiful, can he obtained without charge
-T adiresing.
THO3. F CHAPMAN, Chemint.
SNRnnud UnnaKmM
Octritli's Column.
Spring Trade for '6B
Will open on or about the Ist of May,
C. Detriclt,
Pioposts to establish himself permanently
in traJe at this place, at the Brick
store house in Sam'l Stark's Block,
where by fair dealing and fair
prices he expects to merit and
receive the public patronage.
Attention is called to the following in
Dry Goods :
FISH of all kind*,
AC., AC.,
Hats and Caps.
Boots Sf Shoes,
This branch of business made a gpjiality. A lot of
in great variety.
All kinds of Produce taken in exchange for Goods.
The above articles will be kept in full assortment.
I I mesa to make the experiment of goods sold ia
quantites cheaper than ever before in this vtcioity,
I shall be happy to see yon, and yon can depend np
on Coding bargains In every department. Goods re
ceived every week.
Respectfully yours,
a vjrrxscjb,
Not long ago a delegation of Indian chiefs from
the far West, who had beeo onto Washington on
business connected wilh their tribes, passed through
Cincinnati en rout* tot their hoiues One of their
number became so infatuuted with lager beer that
he was left behind. 'The following touching lines
were suggested to the ' Fat Contributor" by seeing
the noble red man in a beer garden, engaged in the
wild and hopoless task of drinking old drinkers
tight :
An Injun sal n a garden,
Dynking his lager beer ;
He had left hfs wigwam on the plains
And his squaw she wasn't near ;
But a Dutch girl stood beside him
To hear what he should say,
And replied to the Injun j trgon —
"Nix cum hetaus, unt nix ver stay."
This beery Injun blulbored
As he took the Dutch girl's hand.
And said : "Me never more shall see
Me own. me native I and ;
Bear a message- and a scalp or two—
To those distant friends of mine,
For I am a big Injun—
Big Injun over the Rhine.
"Tell my mother that her other sons
Shall co.nfort her old sge,
Chase the buffalo, scalp the drivers
Of the overland mail stage ;
For my fa'hor was a wsrtior bold,
And e'en as a pa pose
I j iyc d to know that the old man
Was 'sounl ou the goose.'
And when he died uud left us
To divide hi s scanty hoard,
I let them take what 'ere they would,
But kept tny father's gourd ;
Now take and fill it high with beer,
Let's see tha lsger shiaa —
Gross glass for the big Injun—
Big Injun over the Rhine.
' Tell my sister not to whimper
Because she misses one.
When the lujuu delegation
Comes baik from Wa-Riogton ;
But look upon them proudly,
And uevcr shed a tear,
Her brother's the only I jun
As aiu't afraid of beer
And if .me brave her love should seek,
Then it would please me much,
If mingled with his Injun blood
Was just a shade cl Dutch.
I'd drink his health in this old gourd,
(My talher's gourd and mine )
For the honor of Big lujun- -
Big iDjuu over the Rhine."
liis voice grew faint and hoarser,
II is legs grew limp and weak.
He be. ktned feebly with his gourd,
Hiccupped and ceased to speak.
A [ol iceman bent to lilt him,
The task it was n't light,
The savage from beyond the Plains
Lay across the table tight.
And the soft inuen rose up slowly,
As the lights seemed turning lower,
And the loud Teutonic music
Was drowned by the.Rod Man's snore
lie jell early in the battle—
'Twas only half prst nine—
This boastful, beery lujuu
B ; g Injun over the Rhine,
Ack Fust—Enter a lap dorg earn ing a
hoarding school miss in her arms, about
1(3 hands high. It makes the dorg puff—
the dog lays down the hoarding school
miss, arid orders mint juL-ks for two, with
the usual suckshun. The dorg begins tew
1011, the boarding school miss tells him
"tew dry* up," (in French j and the dorg
says "lie he darned if lie will," (in dorg,)
great sensation among the awjance with
cries of "put hirn out !" Finally a coni
piomise is affectc I, the hording school
miss kisses the doig with teats in her eyes.
Konklusion —Lap dorg discovers a wicked
flea at work on liis tail—putsoos him
round and round they go—dorg a little
ahead —somebody hollers "mad dog !"'—
boarding school miss faints standing—the
knrtin drops.
Ack number 2—Curtin rises slowly—
big bolona sarsage on the tabh—bolona
sarsage lifts up her head Xnrl begins tew
bark—band plays "Old Dork Tray." Kat
cums in—kat's tale b> gins lew swell —bo-
lona sarsage and kat has a flte. They
titer! 14 rounds—the stage is covered with
kats and dogs Konkitision—tha all jine
hands and walk tew the foot lights, an old
Bull Tarrier, reads the President's call for
"300,000 moie'—Land plays 'Go in Lem
ons—bell rings and knrtin will.
Ack number 3—A scene on the Erie
Kauai —a terrible s'Orm rages—the kanal
acts bad—several boats go down head fust
with awl their boarders on boird —kant
make a Ice shore—tha drag their ankers—
some of them have the best luck at swear
ing—the water is strewed with pots and
kettles—several cooks and mates swim
ashore with their siovos in their teeth—
they have tew draw off the kanal to stop
the storm. Konklusion-—men are seen
along the hanks of the kanal spearing dead
hosses and eel*—band plays "A Life on
the Osbun Waive." Amid tremendjus
applause the kurtin falls, and the awjeence
disperse, single file.
What is the difference between
accepted and rejected lovers ? The ac
cepted kisses the misses, and tho rejected
misses the kisses.
Bless God for what you have, and
trust God for what you want.
" To Sneak his Thouerhta is Every Freeman's Flight. "
John Marshall was never more respect
ed than when he was "throwing quoits,
with his coat off, under the trees.
Affection was added to admiration, that
was all. All felt what the bitter orator of
Koanoke did, when he said in th<> old con
vention of 1829, " I know the goodness of
his heart too well to have supposed it pos
sible that he could have intended to give
me pain. Sir, I believe that like "my
Uncle Toby, he would not even hurt a
IJe never wounded anybody, I believe
in all his lile. His bonliornme was per
fect and, endeared him to old and young.
A th m-and anecdotes are told of it, as of
his simplicity. A gentleman informed rue,
some time since, that his lather, when a
boy, had been a cletk in one of the courts,
and one day was sent round to the Chief
Justice's house wilh a bund eof law pa
pers. He was a mere youth at the time,
a copyist in the office, and his juvenile
mind had been overshadowed l>y the re
nown and dignity of the Chief Justice —
Lie therefore approached the old square
mansion on Maishail street with something
very much like awe, and knocked at the
door, ( there was no bell ) with no little
apprehension of the august personage
whom he was about to see. Tiie Judge
came to the door himself, and welcomed
him into his study wish asm le, making
him sit down while lie examined the pa
pers. This ceremony performetL, the aw
ful personage turned upon the boy, whose
f'e;>r# had now departed. The lips of the
gieal functionary opened, he stretched out
hi< hand, and uttered the terrible words,
" Your name i* Jimmy 11 , is it not
mv boy?" "Yes, sir," faltered the
youth. " Well Jimmy," continued the
Chief Justice, rising with alacrity, * let us
CO into tie bark yard, uirl bare ay nnv of
marbih /** And the game was played ac
cordingly ; which triumphed, I did not J
Don't expect too much of them ; it has
taken forty years, it may he, to make you
what you are, with all their lessons ol
experience ; and 1 dare say yon are a faulty
b< ing at best. Above all, don't expect
judgement in a cliiid, or patience under
trials. Sympathize in the>r mistakes and
troubles, don't ridicule them. Rein< mber
not to measure a cbild's trials by* your
standard. "As one whom his mother
comfortetb, " says the inspired writer, and
beautifully dots lie convey to us the deep
faithful love that ought to he found in ev
ery woman's heart, the unfailing sympa
thy withal! her children's griefs. When
I see ehi'dren going to their father for
comfort, lam sure there is something
wrong with their mother.
Let tlie memories of their childhood be
as bright as you can make them. Grant
tie in evi ry innocent pleasure inyoni pow
r. We have often felt our temper rise
tffi see how carelessly their little plans .are
thwarted by older persons, when a little
trouble on their part wouid have given a
child pleasure the memory of which woul I
la t a lifetime. Lastly, don't think a child
a hopeless case because it betrays s me
very had habits. W'c have known chil
dren that seemed to have been born thieves
and liars, so early did they display these
un Jcsiralde traits, yet we have lived to see
these children become noble rneti and wo
men, and ornaments to society. We must
confess they had wise, affectionate parents.
And whatever else you may be compelled
lo deny your child by your circumstances
in life, give it what it most values, plenty
of love. —Episcopal Methodist.
hi >ek of inaible that lies before the sculp
tor was capable of feeling, how would it
deplore and bemoan every stroke of the
hammer, chipping off piece alter piece of
substance ! It would deem lis lot a pitia
ble one indeed. And yet that hammer
atid chisel are transforming that rough and
shapeless stone into a form of life, grace,
and beauty fit to adorn the palace of a
So it is with us. Our characters are like
unhewn blocks of marble, rude, mis
shapen, comparatively worthless. And
God is sculpturing them into forms of di
vine symmetry and beauty, that may lot
ever illustrate to the universe the power of
His grace. T lis heavy block of adversity
and the rasping cares and petty annoy
ances of our daily life, are but different
! parts of the same divine aud loving pro
And shall we look simply at the ham
;nt r and chisel, and forget or doubt tlie
' glorifying woik for which God is using
| them? Bhall we think only of the chips
which the blows ot his picsenee strike from
it-, and overlook the immortal characters
i which the Great Sculptor is seeking thus
to perfect for His celestial temple ?
der rolled, the moon rolled, the stars wink
ed, the sky was a complete web —gentle—
: men of the jury—of darkling darkness on
that night * and yet this ere man did, with
malice aforethought, steal forth inter the
quiet shades of a lonely farmer's house,
and then maliciously pisened bis Inindle
y< llow d"g. Convict him, and the prayers
of a nation are yours !
r" Are vou not alarmed at the ap
proach of the King of Terrors?" said a
nun ster to a sick man.
u Oh, no! I have been living six and thir
ty years with the Queen of Terrors ; the
I King can't be much worse."
a year ago two young men who passed
for brothers —John and Frank Howard
ram* to this section of the country, open
ing in partnership house and sign paint
ing establishments at l'ottstown and
Phoeuixville, They were intelligent, good
workmen, got into business, entered soete
tv, took part iu religious meetings—John
at Pottstown professing to be a Baptist,
and Frank at Phojnixville a Ale hodist—
Good Templars, teachers at Sunday-School,
&c. By and by both got married, to re
spectable young ladies of means. All went
will until recently, John making arrange
ments to go into partnership in a store
here, and Frank assisting his wife in a
store she owned ai Sudden
ly both men went away, avowedly t. go
home to Massachusetts, ( where they pre
tended to hail from, ) to get money to go
into business—but as three or four weeks*
have elapsed, and they are still among
the missing, it is generally believed they
are. swindlers, and have gone elsewhere
with a view of playing the same dishonora
ble game. John Howard is S3OO or #4OO
in debt in l'ottstowu, and Frank is said to
have obtained a considerable sum of mon
ey belonging to his "wife. It is hardly
possible that they may turn up yet, or that
tiiey have been foully dealt li with ; hut
neither we, or the wronged ones they have
lelt behind, we believe have any such hope.
Thev wi re gay deceivers, of the most art
ful kind, and it is to be hoped that they
may be arrested, and banded over to the i
tender mercies of the law. — PuHstowu .
An Important Point in Insurance.
The Supreme Coujt ol Pennsylvania has
dccid.-d a point of considerable importance
to persons insured in the Lycoming Mu
-1 tual. A policy vvas issued by that com
pany, which contained the following pio
uisioii viz :
"It is also agreed that the aggregate
nmout of insurance in this and other com
panies, ou this property shall not exceed
two thirds of the estimated cash value."
Ift the application, the value of the pro
perty was estimated at $11,610 ; insurance
on it was subsequently effected in other
companies, with the knowledge and acqui
escence of the agent of the Lycoming, Un
til the aggregate amount was $12,000
The. property having been destroyed by
tire, the Lycoming resisted payment on the
ground that the amount insured having ex
ceeded two thirds of the value of the prop
erty, its policy was thereby rendered void
The Supreme Court decided that the
clause in the policy, limiting the total
amount amount of insurance two thirds of
the estimated value, constituted a condition
which the insured was bound to observe ;
that the violation of it woiked a forfeiture
of ihe policy ; that an agent could not, by
merely acquiescing in excessive insurance,
bind the company to permit a gieater
amount of insurance, than that specified in
the policy ; and that, therefore, there co'd
be no recovery on the policy ot the Lycom
ing. (1 P. F. Sm , 402.)
It is therefore mqioilant for those who
hold policies in the Lycoming Mutual not
to allow the total amount of their insurance
to exceed two thirds ol the estimated cash
value of the property insured ; if they do,
the policies of the Lyco tiling will thereby
be forfeited, ug anything said
ot done by its agents. Those who wish
insurance to a greater amount must deal
exclusively with otljer companies, whose
policies do not contain a conditijn forbid
ding it.
recent election in I'uhiski County, Arkat*-
sas, though 987, votes were polled against
the Constitution, the majority for it was
greater than the combined registration of
whites and blacks. This fraud has not, as
yet, been investigated.— ZV. Y. Commercial
If not "investigated." it is fully explain
ed bv (he seventeen days of election held in
that State to •accommodate tho delicate
niggers to select lair weather and their
own convenience to go to the polls.
" Grant aa a Soldier and a Statesman."
A publisher et Hartford, Conn., sends
us the hading pages of a proposed book,
bearing the above title, with the promise
that he will send us a copy for a good no
tice, Arc. We beg leave to difb'r with tin;
gentleman; we don't want the book. Me
know enough of Grant as a soldier; the
truest account we can get is, that he is a
j man of spirits :as to his Statesmanship,
we want none of his M e have
read the few pages sent us, and pronounce
; them a ti*sne < f falsehood. Edward Uow
! hud had better turn his attention to yellow
| cover literature. —Jeffrrsonion.
conductor of the sleeping car w hich was
burned at ttie late disaster at Carr's Kock,
reports that there were twenty-three pas
sengers in that car at the time of the acci
dent. Only two persons are known to
have escaped from this car, and these,
with the six bodies that were found among
its ruins, leave fifteen p.tsseipjers of whom
no trace has been found. This statement
agrees with the one made bv tho porter
ot the car. who is now suffering at his
father's residence, near Jersey City, from
injuries received by the accident.
A boy at Unadilla, Mich., fell upon a
saw in a tactory It cut his body thro'
the back, sawing three of his ribs of thrice
oooned his heart case, sawing both arms
nearly off near the elliow, and left a gash
in his body nearly fifteen inches long. He
4id pot dt for wveral days,
THE LOON. —To " yell like a loon " has
passed into a proverb,ar.d is applied, or
dinarily, to Very tumultuous and unpleas
ant sounds. But the cry of a loon is not
unph-asßut to me. I like to hear it among
the silence and darkness of repose. There
is a sort of grandeur about it which ele
vates it,'to my ear far above the dismal,
hollow hoot of the owl. There is a melan
choly, graveyard tone about the latter
which alwais makes me feel nervous.—
And you are almost sure to hear it about
m dnight, rijjht above you—for the gloomy
bird is attracted by the camp-lire, and
generally perches himself upon some with
ered hemlock or berch, to give out Lis un
earthly hoot just as you have passed into
one of the soundest of your night's naps.
Another proverb is," straight as a loon's
leg, " and no proveibcan be more truth
ful and expressive, A loon's leg has no
joint, and is like a pip stem. The result
is that it finds it next to impossible to
walk. Its " home is on the deep ;' and in its
power to remain under water it moie near
ly resemhlt-s a fish than a bird. #t is in
this power, with the instinctive knowledge
of the habits of a fish, which enables it to
" fare smupluous'y every day," Most ac
tive fish, but the trout particularly, during
most of the year, when seeking food, move
near the surface of the water. And the
trout, in its pursuit of flits ari l insects, is
generally up. Taking advantage of this
habit, the loon dives deep, keeping his
eye upon his victim, steadily comes up be
neath him, and gulps him down while he
is steadily preparing to gulp down some
thing which he hopes to discover on the
sur'ace of the water.
BRINGING HER TO. —There is a true
story told of a very faithful and efficient
janitor in a neighboring city, who has
lor vcar.s been a great favorite with the
people among whom he resides, and with
all of our own who have atti nded enter
tainments of which he has had charge.—
During the excitement and crowd of a ball
or lecture, a short time since, a lady faint
ed. He was always readi for any emer
gency of this kind, an J had all the neces
sary restoratives close at hand for us;
She was borne in'o an ante-ioom and our
friend rushed for his bottle of camphor,
soon returning and proceeding immediate
ly to rub her face and forehead, and put it
to lief nose to smell of. After rubbing a
whiie she revived, and lie then became
conscious that there was something wrong
about the camphor. Lie smelt of it, and
found that all of its virtue had evaporated ;
lie applied his tongue to it, and found to
his dismay, that lie had been bathing his
patient liberally with mucilage! Jibe was
so stuck up by the attention that she liad
to be sent home in a carriage.
Webster believed in newspapers, and he
used to say : " Small is the sum that is
required to patronize a newspaper, and
simply tewarded is its patron. I care not
how humble or unpn tending the gazette
which he takes. It is impossible to fill a
sheet wilh printed matter without putting
something in it that is worth the pi ice of
subscription. Every parent whose son is
a Any at school, should send him a newspa
per. I well remember * marked difference
between those ot my schoolmates who had,
and those who had not, access to newspa
pers. Other things being equal, the first
were always superior to the latter in de
pate, composition, and general intelligence.
recently presented themselves at an Eng
lish church to be mairiid. The clergy
man, perceiving that tho bridegroom was
drunk, refused to perform the ceremony,
and after administering a reprimand to
him. told ihe bride to return with him the
next day. The co iple <lid return the next
day, when the bridegroom appeared to be
even more drunk than lie had been the day
before. The clergyman then addressed
the bride, and asked her how she cou!d
think ol uniting herself to such a confirm
ed sot. The girl replied with touching
NAIVETTE, Willy is not a confirmed sot,
sir ; but when he is s >ber he does not
want to marry me, so I cannot help bring
ing lum here drunk if 1 am to marry Lint
at all."
An exchange asks: " What are !
we taxi-d fur?" Well, sir, pretty much;
as follows:
First, to free the niggers, and make 1
them your equal.
► Second, to support niggers in idleness,
and therebv to make th< in y- ur superior.
Third, T<> pay the taxes ot ih-se nigger
paupers, and thus to enable them to out
vote you.
Fourth, to keep up an army to overawe
yon and destroy your liberties.
The above, and about a hundred other
similar things, is what you are taxed for.
GOING ON.- -Seeing a great crowd
gathered in the street, a gentleman, meet
ing a boy said to him,
" Is there anything going on ? "
" Yes, sir, " was the ready teply. There
is two things guin' on ; you're goin' on,
and I'm goin' on."
•' All maidens are very good, "says one
moralist; " but whet# do the bad wives
come from;" The bad wives are the
maidens turned sour.
' JBST Hooaftty i* tha best policy.
TERMS, $2.00 Per. ANNUM, in Advance
NO. 40.
; sJise anti JHjur&jijf. •
Transported lor life— the man who married
Mot to for barbers and hairdressers Cut
and comb again.
Why is a soldier more tired on the first
day of April than any other month ? Be
cause he has just had a March of 31 days.
A Sunday School pupil iu the course of
examination on the Psalms,was asked "What
j is the pestilence that walketh in darkness ?"
! The reply was, ' Please, sir, bed bugs."
B hat's the diff rt-nee between the manner
of the death of a barber and sculpture ? One
curls up and dies, and the other makes faces
and busts.
"Maty, my a not very attentivo
husband to his wife at the dinner table,
i '"shall I help you to a piece of the heait T'—
i "I believe" said she, "that a piece of the
1 heart is all I have ever got from you."
A country lawyer who was the happy fatta
| cr of ten tad girls, averaging about six feet in
height, often boasted that he had about sixty
feet of daughters.
Women act on impulse, men on reason .
The result is 'hat w u:eu occupy ten times
as many positions as men, and get at aud
J from them with corresponding speed.
"S'eel your 1; art," said a considerate fath
• or to his sou, '"for ycu ate now going among
, "oniu fascitis'trig g:rU,'' "I had much ratner
| steal thews," said the promising young man.®
A man out West who offered bail for s
; friend was asked by the judge if he had an
incumbrance on his farm. ' Oh, yes," said
he, "my old wouitn."
A Scotchman went to a lawyer once for
! advice, and detailed the circumstances of the
j case. '"Have you told the lac's just as they
i necorred ?" said the lawyer. "Ay," was
j the reply, "1 thuot ye wad put the lies in
! tc it."
A certain ccckney, < vetc- me by his sensi
bilities, fainted at the grave of his fmrth
spouse. "What shall we do v.ith him?"—
asked a perplexed friend u#his. '"Let him
alone," said a waggish bystander, ' he'll soon
re Wise."
"What is he running for '?" said a man to
us. this rp.oming, on seeing us part with a
gentleman with whom we bad been shaking
"For no office whatever," we replied
"Why did you ask the question ?"
"Why he was so polite, I thought maybo
be was a candidate."
"Will you have a daiiy Sun ?" said a news
boy to Mrs. Partington. "Will 1 have a
daily son ? Why, you little scapegrace ! How
dare you insinuate against a lone woman 1—
No, indeed—l gues 1 won't have a daily
son. My poor, dear hu-band used to com
plain awfully when I presented him with a
yearly son. A daily son, imbed! Begone,
you lit*.le upstart imp !" And the old lady
called for the turkey wing fan to keep her
from swooning.
A BOSOM PIN.— A young gentleman from
the country stepped into a country store and
the proprietor that his occupation
was that ola car pent ir, and lie desired to
get a bosom pin tnibleinatic of that profes
The obliging jeweler looked over his stock,
and, finding nothing else, showed htm a very
tine Masonic pin. The young man looked at
it carefully.
"Yes," said he, "there's the compass and
>quare. I use both of them—tut why did'ut
they but a saw in it ? It's first ra.e as far as
it goes. Ilallo ! there's G—what does that
st ;nd for ?"
The jeweler didn't know.
The man studied carefully for a moment,
and a bright idea struck him. His face
Hushed as if be had made a disc >very.
"I have it," be satd : "it it's all right. G
stands tor gimlet. C in; ass, square and gim
let. That will do—l will take it."
There was a little touch of sadness in his
voice- as he pinue-d the emblem on bis coat
and went away muttering.
"Cinioass, square and giuile*t. Ido wish
I 'here was a saw, though."
j "Why were you not up wiih the lark this
morning, as I last night tIJ you to be .
| said an iroiie father to his sluggard son.
j ■ The reason 1 was not up with the lark
j this morning, was because I was on a lark
j last night, sir."
j "My dear iloiatio, I bad a very mysterious
■ dream about you."
"What was it, dear ?"
"I dreamed I saw you carried up to Heav
en in a golden chariot, surrounded by angels
c'oihed in white and purple. What is that a
i sign of, dear ?"
j "It is a sign of a foul stomach, my dear."
I Tamperaoou u a great virtue.

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