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' WEI! WASHINGTON TIMES, SUNDAY, FEBRTJABY 19, 1911".
Wit and Humor THE TIMES DAILY MAGAZINE PAGE Fiction ' x and Facts MR. PEEVED PROTESTS Against Women's Lack Of Faith in Their Husbands TO HIS PATIENT WIFE M. O. HUGH GROUCH'S Opinion of Car Fares And Transfers as Told in a TROLLEY MONOLOGUE ILORETTA'S LOOKING-GLASS u "W 'ELL, petty," said Mr. Peeved genially, coming into the li brary, "what's the good word tonight?" Mrs. Peeved wiped her eyes and sniffed. "I should think, John Peeved," she said, indignantly, "you'd be Bshanied to come home and and face your wife." "Huh'" said Mr. Peeved. "Why?" "13-because," sobbed Mrs. Peeved, "I k-know all a-about your perfidy. Jackie t-told me today. I wanted h-him to k-kiss mamma and he said he wouldn't; h-he was l-like you. He-he'd rather k-kiss the blonde stenographer at your o-office. T-then m-m-mama g-ave him a quarter to tell us about it And and I shall never trust vou again." Mr Peeved laid down his paper and frowned at his wife. "Trust me!" he snorted. "A lot of trusting you are doing. No, sir, you're like all women. You'd rather believe something against your husband than have any faith in him. I tell jou, woman, it's an outrage. "Don't I come home every night? Bah! For shiime, to think you'd believe the boy's story." "He s-said. it was t-true," sobbed Mrs. Peeved "Well, it ain't," snorted Mr. Peeved. "Kid told me about it. Said he'd bunked a quarter out of your mother for the story, but he needed another one to get his skates mended and he'd come and tell ou it was all a lie if I'd give it to him. Refuse? Of course I did. Do you suppose that even for a moment I thousht you could doubt me? Mc!" Mrs. Peeved looked mollified. "Oh, John, dear," she said, "1 was a-so Unhapp P-please torgive me." "Sure I will, petty," said Mr. Peeved, patting his wife's shoulder. "Just you forget all about it, but take it from me, that kid or ours is going to bo a financier. If it wasn't for the cuteness of his game, I'd wallop him within an inch of his life for telling you such a. story." "Oh, John, I'll never doubt " began Mrs. Peeved, but a oice from the doorway interrupted "Say, pop, that 50 cents you gave me to let jou tell that gag is no good The deal is off; I'm gonna tell ma the rest." ' " t "Ifs" That Changed History OyXpVi("ui.i.J'i mm A SPIDER THAT ALTERED THE MAP OF EUROPE. ON" tin- ceiling and walls in a 100m of th- Neues Palais-one of Kaiser Wilhclm castlcj, is i huge golden web with a spi der painied in its center. Koi more than 130 cars this has borne mute testimony to one of history's strangest "ifs." Just as i spider once changed the fu ture of Scotland, so a spider, in quite a . different wa, altered the futuic of Germanv and of all Kuropr. This Ger man spider, unlike Bruce-, did not set a tired Kins an example in perseverance. Its one claim to immortality was the fact that it happened to tumble into a cup of chocolate. Not a heroic or spec tacular feat, but one that saved a rojal life and a nation's career. The life saved bj the spider was that of Frederick the Great. The nation was Prussia, which, under Fredericks genius, had suddenlv become a world power Frederick-a lean, undersized man-came to the throne in 1740, when he was twenty -eight years old. Pius cia vvas then a respected and wealthy Btate. but not strong or prominent enough to suit Frederick's ambitions. He planned to carry 1t into the very foremost ranks of European powers. Building up national welfare at home, he also plunged into a series of foi Cign quan els. In consequence he found himself, in 1756, at war with Austua. France, Rus sia, Sweden, and Saxony. Jt was an' alliance that threatened to grind Prus sia to the very dust. A seven-year conflict followed. Fredenek was often beaten but won some gloilous victories against heavy odds, and by sheer gen ius saved his country from any worse fate than the loss of many men and much nionev. Incidentally, his prowess had won Til himself the nickname "The Great, and gave his country a world wide prestige. Throughout Frederick's reign it was Ausma that ever menaced him. Aus trian aimics, Austiian plots, and Aus trian influence were constantly launched against Prussia. Only Frederick's ner Eonal wisdom and foresight kept Aus tria from dominating all Germany, and liom annexing Bavaria and other Ger man stales With Frederick out of the wav, Aus tria might have carried out her schemes and have placed upon Germany 'h neck a yoke that would have been well-nigh impossible to remove, and, unofluiaUy or otherwise, efforts weie made to as sassinate ttie Prussian King. The most dangerous of these conspiiacies was averted b the smallest sort of an "if." Here is the story : Frederick vvas in the habit of using at i oi 5 o clock in the morning. He used to go directly to his study, where, sipping a cup of chocolate, lie would transact official business fot seveial hours, looking over complaints, reading personally everv lettei addressed "To the King," righting grievances, and .solving knotty political pioblems. Early one morning the King, with his two pet grev hounds at his heels, walk ed into his Neues Palais study and be gan looking ovei a heap of documents piled on the table there. A servant placed the usual cup of hot chocolate at his side. Having chanced to open some letter of more than usual interest, Fred erick waited until he had tlnished read ing it hefoie turning to his morning chocolate. Then, to his disgust, he found that a spider had fallen from a web on the ceiling and had landed in the middle of the cup The poor insect was sprawling helpless in the choco late It was not a sight to tempt the appetite, especially so early In the morning The King pushed the cup aside and rang for another. Then he noticed the greyhounds that had come close to his chair in the hope of sharing their master's morning meal. Poui ing the chocolate, spider, and all into a saucer, Frederick set the recepta cle on the floor in front of the hounds. In a minute the hungry dogs had licked the saucer clean. In another minute both animals were writhing and how ling in death agonies. The chocolate had contained enough poison to kill several men But for the spider the King would have died as swiftlv and as surely as did his dogs. Inquiries were made at once. The King's Fiench cook had prepared the chocolate Ofiicers of the guard hur ried to seize him and drag him before Frederick But they were not quick enough. News of his crime's failure had alreadv reached the cook, and to avoid captuie he had cut his throat. Little by little the truth came out. The cook had been secretly In the pay of an Austrian intriguer, and had been induced by large reward to administer the poison. The King, in memory of the spider that had saved his life, caused ,his Neues Palais study to be adorned with the big golden web, which may still be seen there. (Copy rightbd ) SHE HOLDS IT UP TO THE GIRL WHO POUTS. ROSY lipa puckered, arched brows draw down, even a hint of tears in your eyes! You are pouting. The man has just proposed something. You can see he believes it will please you. But you will not he pleased, you do not want to be pleased. You want to he coaxed, so you poui If he knew the stubborn selfishness of the clnonic pouter he would turn on his heel and leave yoi. But he does not. He tinds it out, however. Y'oqr pretty trick ceases to appeal after you have btibjected him to it a few times. Your pout becomes a regular kill-joy. And he gradually wakes up from his idealizing and begins analyzing He looks beneath the sign for the things it signifies. And he finds what? That vou air un accommodating: you cither cannot or will not lend youiself to the graces of kindness and consideration, the small coin In the social exchange. You even refuse to give him ciedlt for tiying to please you. Of course lie cannot help seeing that there is a laige amount of obstinacy, stubborn mulishncss in jour disposition. And the flame of love never burns so brightly hut that the dash of cold water, the wet-blanket of a pout may act as an extinguisher. A man recovers from infatuation when too much pouting disturbs the couise of his loving. He begins to wonder wh, his suggestions, his wishes, should be greeted with a pout. Why should he be punished for wanting his own way oc casionally or for tiying to please a girl? If you imagine that a man is to be won by abuse jou are wrong. One of the very tturcst ways to arouse him to protect himself is to pout at him. A pouting girl has so many likenesses to a balky horse that she creates1 the same deshe in the heart of a man. More aggravating than the horse, more pro voking, she riles and chafes the best disposition. The man thinks only of getting rid of her .lust as the cross-grained, perverse. balking animal spoils the pleasure of a drive, the peevish, petulant, pouting girl will interrupt any dream of a matri monial journey that the man may have had. A kind of second sight comes to him. He sees what a future with the. sulky. Ill-tempered crabbed gill who pouts would be Anil it scares him! He shuns her and the ills she suggests like poion. Indeed, the girl with a pout In her system is a human poison. And men are not inclined to tak' poison. n Gink and Dink. Do Their Wives Approve of Speculation? Drawn for The Time. BY C. A. VOIGHT LISTEN DEAHIE I GOT HEP TO A FINF CWAMfF To MA.UE ft. LlTTte COKsl To PAN SOO CNOW Jim giltepge WEtl HE OPFEREO TO 5EC.C ME HIS 5 2000 AOTO FOR. J5IS0 M IM G0IW&ToTAKC650OOUT0F THE DAHltOMORROWAWb INVEST IT IM A. PIA.M0HD MINE! IM MAINE BlLLN SLICK. PuTl ME Wise TO IT 5AMS HC't- CET ME IM JxICWTOWTWE- GROUND FLOOR PsTAEl ) P0H,TTHiNr 01D DETTER vo IT-I PONT TJ-IIWK. IT'V SAFE J we.s, ooino &bcoap ini a few Pans anp most sell it novj MERE -i TWE STUMT lit. TAKE ONE WUNDREPAN0 RSTV DOLLARS OUT Or Twe Bfi.HK, 0UV TME AUTo.1 ry" otL- ir'ME IDIATpis at "? I A M'CE -'TTtE PU0PIT 7 . fc r V CDw " A-V oT LL 00 W07MIKI&. lOP THEKlMD'" Vmipc WOT (MINI To RISk. Akw iOWEN ON AWMTHINC i ME BACK J There yod o acai ALVANS HOLPiWG WHEN I HAVE A CHANCE TO MAKE A LITTLE MOKIEt" WO WOKIOeR IM WOT RICH'! SAX GlNfc, POE. TOUR WIPE POT TME HIV."Sl&KI OM OUR CHANCER OF CLEAN IMC UP A LITTLE CHANGE ? "THAT WIPE OF MINE IS THE UMIT" MV LiL FRAO IS A CAME L LITTLE 5PORT LET HE. ALL KINDS OF CHANCES NOT THE STOCK EXCHANQf I ITAKE I 7 N i V I J -s. v f T V ""N 1 r JV VfH . OX'T be Impatient, young fellow: you'll get your fare. You don't need to stand there like a beggar-soliciting alms. If you fellows were only as quick to stop your cars as you are to come around after fares,, you'd get along a wholje lot better. "Oh, you do! Well, why don't you go around and collect 'em. In stead of rushing me like this? How long have you been a conductor, anyway? "What!-WHAT! Xo good? Do you mean to tell me that transfer is not good on this car? Well, of all the "Yes, you look sorry! You're glad of the chance to show your au thority; that's what you are. Well, let me tell you one thing that's all the fare you get out of me! "The Idea! Not good, indeed! Bah! What did the fellow give it to me for If it's no good? Why do you print 'em If they're no good? What ' "Wrong junction nothing! I know this transfer is perfectly good; and so do you. Don't think you can squeeze an extra nickel out of me for your thieving company! I won't be Imposed upon; do you hear. I WON'T BE IMPOSED UPON! x "I'd like to see you make me leave the car! 1 guess I know my rights as an American citizen. Of course, the car was at tl o wrong junction by the time you came around to collect my fare. It's a wonder to mc how you fellows manage to get any f ares at all! "That's right, stop the car. Are you trying to intimidate me, sir? "No, I'm not holding the whole car back, madam. It's the stupidity of this conductor. Here's jour nickel, my man. I'd have given it to you long ago, if you had gone about it in a proper manner, instead of trying to abuse me!" Valentine Letter Solution BY FRANCES CARROLL. TUP: ak-ntlne letter, in which hlankx were IKt to be filled in with flower last Sunda, was th soun o of intense interest in the puzzle ciiclc last week. "It maks me feel younj; :igam, MibS Can oil, to be writing such a .sentimen tal, Oonery letter at the age of sit,-' wrote one puzzlei, adding appreciatHe ', 'but ii lias been a most blushing;! : h and interesting occupation through out the week. I will confess to you that it earned mc back forty jears to :i crr liapp time in ni life when I received some such letters mvsclf on St. Valentines birtlid.iy." Otheic also sent me kind messages, nanating the fun they had in suppljing the flo'ver names, which, correctly ilon'. makes the Valentine Letter read as follows: 'Washington. D. C. Feb. II. 1911. "My dear Valentine (ina I call ou so?j: "Kvcr "ince 4 o'clock this morning, when I was awakened b the sound of a Trumpet-llower plaed by that ni e boy Sweetwilliam. our brother. I hae thought only of you, my blushing rto-e with the Violet eyes; and longed so much to press your Tulips in a chaste salut. That truly would be Balsam to my soul. "Dear Valentine, I would gladly la mv Bleeding Heart at your feet in return for your Heart'scabe were I not afraid vou would make fun of me and say Johnny-jump-up. But just the same, that is the way I feel I am tending you by this mail h pair of Ladr's-sllppers and some Ko glove. I know you will say I am a Daisy when you see them. My own dear one, if jou will onlv saj tlir word wc will be married by t i Jack-in-the pulpit, assisted by Elder berry, and you can sk your dark ejed friend, Black-ejed Susan, yom little precise friend Primrose, anil the one from the vale. Lily-of-the-valle. to be your bridesmaids. I will car away my Bachelor's Button if ion will say Live-forever and Forget-me-not. Your own, JONQUIL.- While the valentine letter was not hard, each blank might hae ben sup plied with any one of several flowe names, which made it a little difficulr for the puzzlers to reach the same on elusion In the matter as that reach' i by the author of the puzzle Mr. James Morgan sent an cntirclT correct solution, but. with this excep tion, no one came within three ian.e t-f a correct arrangement of this loe message. Never nind that, so long as thp puz zle was enjoyed, as I have everj rrason to believe it was' Fads About Well-Known People John Jacob Astor is the inventor. of a bicycle brake, a pneumatic road improver, and other useful mechanisms. Olga Nethersole, the actress, is a botanist, and dog fancier. James J. Hill, the railroad magnate, is not a native of the United States, having been born in Canada. Hon. Whitelaw Reid is an authority on Tallyrand and has written an introduction to Tallyrand's memoirs. Questionable Compliment. You may say what you like against voung ministers, but I have notning but praise for our young pastor,-' the pompous Mr. Brown remarked, as he passed out of the church. "Nothing but praise!" "So I observed," dryly retorted the deacon who had passed the plate. Impossible Boy. Small Boy (applying for a situatloni Whnt kind of a bov do you want? Merchant A nice, quiet boy thai doesn't use bad words, smoke cigai ettes, whistle round the office, pla tricks ,or get Into mischief. Small Boy You don't want no boj . you want a girl. Pete Locates a New Kind of Dog House Drawn for The Times By Sherman mwnnwnwww? AMOS 7AKEr. PETE OUT. jDGMEfrr? -" : : Z- : 1 L-n-p-P-PiKr ("-. - I.Srk.IS?' rAW iit ) 3 ' lw . . - .-. , vj-.j rlKol i urirtKfc; f him sex it r r .- Ti-.. ; r ( J -- . rAr : r fif y- 1 V( ) ? 'SS r ) w ' ftpnt v ii I vi mi ii, a rr ' i Mm w tm ;-- w t m a anm.: b. ft. j i ii 4K.u -" 1 -x - -- r r . k- - I - i . 4 MBawtiwMwi ' i ii .1 in a u ii i i t ' ii ii .l 1 fr ii. jvysavcTagsg. 1