The Washington times. [volume], May 25, 1911, LAST EDITION, Image 8

About The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939

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Pete Felt Like Peary at the Pole
Drawn for The Washington Times
By C. L. Sherman
AMOSTHE PEOPIE NEXT DOOR.
CAN LOOK RIGHT IIS TO OUR.
BATH ROOM. PLEA5E BRING
HOME A CURTMN POLEr-
c
Qy
HE-RE-6 THE;
CURTAIN
5USTAINER.
jOH JitfT IT A
(NICE ONE-?
NOW WATCH
ME SKIN
ITH&CAT
THE CALL OF LOVE,
Its Insistence
And Dotation
BY PEGGY VAN BRAAM
I
now watch $r JSB&
A Jm ""- 7- 1 ! I ly. JWiri?'Ar10s- where; :
OVE calls, but prudence cries out "Walt!"
And when you fain would answer Love,
It Is too late,
ftomsnee speeds swiftly on the wings of life;
.And sjie who lingers In the sweetheart days
Is ne'er a wife.
"What is the proper length for an engage
ment?" writes a girl to me, pleading that I say
definitely what she shall do, since an ardent wooer
begs for an early wedding and prudent parents
urge delay.
She, herself, she writes, feels that one should
have a year or two before "settling down," and
adds, girl-like, that she is perfectly happy as it is.
To answer such a letter is difficult. But, on the whole, it seems
to me that the engagement that drags out through the years ends
more often in a separation than a wedding.
Wooing time is a wonderful time to every woman, and the call of
love is sweeter than any other, but with the announced engagement
there is a change. It means days of high tension, a feeling of always
being on one's best behavior a time when, although together, they
have no way 'of consolidating their interests and getting to really
know and understand one another.
Lure of Freedom Caused by Nagging v
Sometimes if lack of money has caused the delay, the girl's
parents will nag at her or taunt him for being such "poor stuff that
he cannot earn enough to keep a wife"; sometimes the delay is caused
because a girl must look after her parents, and the man's relatives
talk of his "being tied indefinitely" until he, himself, begins to feel
the lure of freedom.
I do feel that the time to wed is when romance still flings its
rosy mist over the world when love is so great that it brooks
no delay, when every foible or little habit is dear because it is his or
her habit.
There is time enough for "settling down" after marriage, and
time enough for prudence when you have your own home, but real
love, and love that is worth while, makes cither girl or man willing
to risk a little poverty rather than be kept apart through the passing
months. I
r
THE STAGE DOORKEEPER
The stage doorkeeper adjusted a 1 special suite for In the hotels, didn't '
leather cushion behind his back, leaned I you? Flnkey-Fankey-Foo was his name,
comrortably into It and placed his feet , And he was 'good for a column every
in an i'ltitudinous position, where they I morning In any paper next to paid ad
nearly obscured the call board. "Kid." j vertlslng. Say, the yarns about that
nt.l V.A ! T woe ctrnnp nrt this Write dOIT WOuId lust mfllfA nmfAMlnnal
.thing, I'd sure put some of the runny i megiomaniac Jealous.
Stuff that I see around this playhouse
on paper. There's enough goin on
.around here to fill a book, or maybe
two books and a half.
Has 'Em Jumping
"Here v e are with Mrs. Mike O'Camp
bell lieadlinin' the bill this week, and,
believe me. she has some hard time
llvin" up to her reputation; for she Cer
tainly has the busiest little army ol
pres-s agents that ever got their lunch
' hooks on a Job. Say, she don't know
what happened yesterday or the day be
fore in her life until she sees tomor
row's papers. They've bem pulling some
funny stuff, and she gets up on her I
hind legs and lets out a roar every once
In a while and insists on havin' some
fresh press agent canned, but as long
as the business is doublln' the boss
hasn't got the heart to throw any hard
workin' press representative out on the
cold, cold world
"You saw all of those stories about
that remarkable dog that -she carries
around In her car and has to hire a
But, with all those doc stories, the
thing that struck me as being a littla
to the oblique was the fact that there
were never any pictures of the mutt.
I -found out the reason, though she
never had a dog, and Foo or Fooey was
the result of a press agent's pipe dream.
But she has something in the way of
live stock."
"What?" asked the stagestruck youth,
who was about to go on and announce
that the biplane waited.
"She's got the manager's goat," re
sponded the doorkeeper, wearily.
Reddy Smith On
The Summer Season
Summer Is here, Jlmmte! Did yu ever
see anything like It? It's uh sure sign,
when yu see all dese gurls an' prutty
wuns at dat walkln uh roun' In delr
shirtwaists, .sum wlddout hats, an'
all. wlpln' de purspuration off delr faces
wjd dem little fluffy lace handkerchiefs.
It's uh sure sign. Jlmmie, I tells yu,
sides, all dese dudes Is carryln dere
noo straws in delr han's an' fllckln' uh
big handkerchief In de udder nan.
I noterced It dls mornln' an' delr still
doin' It, so yu can bet yur las' dollar
c'at dat de summer Is here!
An" baseball, golly Jlmmlo! yu can't
hear nuthln' but baseball talk frum
de time uh purson meets yu till dey
leaves.
Down tu de river delr all talkln' 'bout
boats, launches an' sail boats an row
l.oatg, an' de ol' fishermen ur all plan
nln trips tu de seashore.
I tells yur. Jlmmie, summer Is here!
The boss always counts ten before
he gets mad at anybody. He was al
most mad at old man Creeks, when
he changed his mind. Do vou know
LCrecks? He's the owner of about
500 penny-ln-the-slot machines, and
every time he buys anything here,
which is eery day, he pays the boss
in pennies. I've known him to shell
over thirty coppers and look as If i
h was doing the boss the greatest
favor he could think of. i
The boss was Just about to land (
on mm, wnen he got the idea. He
made the errand boy circulate among
all the kids In the neighborhood
with the glad tidings that the boss
was giving lots of pennies as change,
Instead of nickels and dimes. 2f you
WHEN NOAH WAS A BOY
t
His mother used to kick about his
bringing friends home to dinner in the
summer. She explained that it was no
joke hanging over a hot stove, 'cause
the heat always made the varnish run
off her face and left her a sticky mess.
Our Grocery Clerk '
Says Change, Please
By J AMES H. flAMMON Airy After This He's Got to
Drawn for Tne WMblnjton Timet. m4 JL , Can The Goat
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MAMIE TELLS BELLE
a Girl Can Make Sure
Of the Wedaing Presents
ELOPEMENTS AREN'T SO BAE)
HEY'RE great institutions, Belle elopements. They
combine romance and common sense, two desJr'ble
things that somehow or other seldom seem to be
on speakin' terms, and, I think, when the right mart
comes along with the right proposition and gets
it out of his system, I'll say, "Sure, let's elope!"
It's the on'y way I know o' dodgin' the fuss
and feathers and the death-dealin' shower of rice
and tired shoes, and Belle, they're things to bo
dodged. Don't think, though, that I'd rush off
the blushin' grpom without a word o' warning to
some marryin' parson and miss the. on'y good fea-
Oh, no, Belle
ture of a reg'lar wedding.
; I'd make sure o'gettin' the wedding
presents.
Before eloping I'd sec that the newspapers informed the waitin' world
that Miss Belle McGuire was goin' to be married to to was goin'
to be quietly married at the home of her parents at such and such a
date, and on'y the fam'Iies of the leadin' man and lady were to be
present, so nobody'd feel slighted at not getting an invitation.
No Wedding Complete Without Presents
Then I'd spend a couple o' weeks blushin' becomin'ly and ad
mittin' it, and hire a man to see that the express wagons didn't block
the street deliverin' the presents. I don't think any weddin's com
plete without the presents, Belle. Just think of the humiliation o'
havin to show your friends around your new home without the satis
faction o' pointin' to a glitterin' row of twen'y-eight sugar bowls and
an elegant assortment of two dozen bedroom slippers and sayin',
"A few wedding token from our friends!"
After the arrh'al of the presents, o' course, I'd take the groom to
one side and say, "Now, that we got enough sugar bowls and bedroom
slippers to start housekeepin' on, why not have a nice, romantic
elopement?"
O' course he'd agree there never was a man yet that wouldn't
send a substitute to his own wedding if he thought the bride wouldn't
object and we'd steal off some dark night just as if my people
weren't itchin' to lay out' their hard-earned money for a big circus
of a wedding, with the men guests as chief clowns.
Wouldn't it be great, Belle, havin' all the story-book sensations
of a real elopement and at the same time the comftable knowledge
that all those sugar bowls and bedroom slippers are ready for you
when you get home?
MR. PEEVED PROTESTS
Loretta's Looking Glass
SSS HOZiDS XT TTP TO THE
Breaking-in Process
"While I think of It." said Mr.
Peeved, suddenly, laying down the
porting extra and frowning, "while
I think of it, I want the question of
where we're going this summer set
tled right now, so that there won't
be any arguments about It in the
future, as there was last summer.
Petty, this year we'll go to the
snore.
" His Mind's Made Up
"Why. John," objected his wife, "I
had my mind all made up on going
to the country again. We had a de
lightful time last year, boating and
all, and besides, the shore isn't
enough of a change. The folks at
the shore keep later hours than they
do in the city even, and I believe the
men Just want to go there- so they
can have a sood time In the cafes
and watching some of those scandal
ous bathing suits."
"I don't care If you talk till you're
black in the face," said Mr. Peeved,
loudly, "we're going to the shore this
year. Cafes and bathing suits indeed!
know anything about the grocery
business, you know that kids do
about one-quarter of the shopping.
And until the parents put In a kick
about being handed a handful of
pennies every time Tommy comes
nomo irom me store, we expect tne
Improved business to keep up.
ANNIBALS have all sorts of ways . her courtesy met. When she happened
to mention a book she had been read-
Reason for Economy
"It's all very well for you to preach
economy."' said his wife, "but I notice
whenever I cut down expenses that I
you smoke better cigars and spend
more money for your own pleasure
than at any other time."
"Well, confound It! "What do you
suppose I want you to economize for,
anyway?"
Nothing Serious
"I see your wife had to be carried
to her carriage yesterday?"
"Yes; she had to be carried."
"What does the doctor say?"
"We, have no doctor. The dress
maker says she made the gown a
trifle too tight"
I , that are doubtless humorous
and delightful to them, of prepar
ing the victual victim for the boiling
pot. But they are always marked by a
superabundance of fat-producing kind
ness. Apparently they want to reduce
the mental energy and consequently
suffering to a minimum so that layers
and layers of adipose may accumulate
succulently on the bony framewdrk of
the human delicacy they mean to de
vour. The Head Hunters
But the head hunters of a department
store have np such tender mqrey. They '
want to "break In" the new business
woman with every form of torture pos
sible. They want to tear down her
womanly reserve. They want to shock
her into Insensibility, and, eventually,
luto participation In their slangy and
even profane manners of speech.
Tes, I am talking about girls. The
girls who were salesladies and models
Ik a certain fashionable suit store par
ticularly inspire the tirade.
And the victim of their "breaklng-ln"
mistreatment was a young designer
who took her first business position
among them.
She began by "'begging pardon" when
she passed in front of one of them.
And "cut it!" was the elegant response'
lng as an interruption of the stream of
gossip that was making the air of her
small studio uncomfortable she was
squelched with "Get on to the high-,
brow!"
Her hours were somewhat shorter
than the hours of the salesladies. I
call them that because they like It,
not because this particular group DE
SERVES it. They began heckling her
with side remarks about her being
"too nifty for their bunch."
There was- a carefully preserved state
of belligerency between the employes
and the woman In charge of the de
partment. The woman frankly called
the salesladies by a name that cannot
be published. And, Judging from the
way they behaved, the term was at
fault only In its inadequacy to do them
full Justice.
WOULD TAKE NO CHANCES
Four-year-old Elinor took dlnnes- at
.her grandparents' home. There were
v.;arm biscuits on the table, and she
took the last biscuit. Grandpa, wish
ing to tease her, said: "Elinor, give me
that biscuit. I want it to tease grand
ma." Elinor's reply came In a Arm
tone. "Oh, tease her wif a cracker; I
want this biscuit to eat."
Mavbe This
Is Not Amiss
Huntln' houses,
Huntln' homes.
Sticky blouses.
Weary bones.
Cllmbln'" to
Dinky flat,
Feelln' blue,
Losln' fat.
"Honey, dear,"
"Can't afford";
Never fear,"
"We'll board."
Business women, they called them
selves! And It would have taken hard
scratching to And more than half-dozen
among the twenty of them who had the
least desire to give their services in
return for their salaries. They worked
because they bad to. And they did as
little as they could and still be retained.
The designer was "broken In." Rn
! completely broken In that she left the
place at the end of two weeks In an
ambulance. .And the burden of her
j walling delirium was, "I'm sorry I apol
ogized for stepping on your toe! I
' won't do It again!" or "I'll never be
i refined again If you think I do it Just
to act smart!"
A Perfect Inferno
The 3ister who came to watch beside
her bed was amazed at the queer pleas.
But she knows now that the barbarity
of so-called business women made a
perfect Inferno of the short, business
experience. She knows that the dainty
ways were ridiculed. She knows that
the pretty manners were reviled. She
realizes that the refinement of the de
signer made her unfit for close asso
ciation with some of her sex, so unfit
that she bad to seek a more congenal
atmosphere in the carbonic cleanliness
of thev hospital. And she found the
change and contrast restorative. A nice
comment on the kindness of girls to
each other!
NOTHING BUT SKIN
Little Elsie, aged 3. while walking in
the garden with her nurse one evening,
caught sight of the thin crescent of
the new moon, hanging low in the west,
and exclaimed in great excitement: "Oh
look, look, nursle! The moon's all
gone away, and there isn't anything
left but Just Its skin!"
A Turkish Romance;
Or, Veil of Mystery
Veiled In mystery and a regular
veil of her many features, only her
great dark, tragic eyes visible, she
walked slowly down the twisting
Turkish street. With touching fidel
ity the artist, Mr. Sherman, has de
picted her in the accompanying Il
lustration. The scene was typically Turkish.
Great mosques roved restlessly to
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f'J n JT
and fro,' now and then a fez would
bark shrilly from the roadside bushes.
Suddenly she was face to face with
the handsome American naval lieu
tenant. Fascinated, he gazed spell
bound Into the occult depths of her
eyes. Unflinchingly she returned his
gaze. But he did not want It, and
again sent it back.
Ah. she moves closer. Ah, ah, she
Is speaking!
"Real Amprlran rtiAvInc torAr
she sa'd. In an exquisitely modulated
lurKisn voice, "only fl- cents a
packltch."
Much I care about them. It's the sea.
air, the refreshing, beneficial air,
straight from the open sea that I'm
thinking about, Mrs. Peeved, and I
believe you don't want me to go
there because you like to see me In
a run-down condition."
"But"
"But, fiddlesticks! Here I am los
ing weight every day. slaving away
for you and the kid, and when I ven
ture to express a desire to breathe
a little health giving atmosphere for
rtwo weeks, you"
Only Clothes
"All right, John." interrupted Mm
Peeved, "If it's as bad as all that.
of course we'll go to the shore. But
I'll have to have the $S00 right
away."
"Three hundred what In the name
of sense are you talking about,
petty?"
"Clothes, of course. Everybody
knows that if you go to the shore
you have to have several changes
or you're considered nobody at .all.
Three hundred will Just about cover
It, Including two new suits for
Jackie, and as It take's some time to
be fitted"
"Do you know, petty." broke In her
husband, thoughtfully, "the more I
think of that country idea of yours
the more attractive It becomes. I've
heard sea'alr Isn't so beneficial as It's
cracked up to be, anyhow."
"Well, 'whichever you prefer,
John," answered Mrs. Peeved, trying
to speak indifferently as she repressed
a desire to wink at her embroidery.
Mild Breezes
For Hot Days
THOUGHT IT A FABLE
Old man Aesop had just promised his
wife he'd be home early.
"You don't seem to put much dep
pendence in his promise?" remarked
the friend.
"No." laughed Aesop's wife, "I
thought perhaps It might be anotlier of
his fables."
Easily Explained
Farmer Corncrlb "You advertise an
ocean view."
Farmer Hayrick "Yep." Movln
plcter."
OUR DEVIL WONDERS
ENGLISH JOKE FOR TODAY
'Whenever did anv one want tn nit
whiskers on Britannia?" asked OS. K.
Chesterton. In his debate with Miss What old .General Sherman would
Cicely Hamilton, at Queen's Hall. i have, said about working a foot press
....... r 'iiouiij- an oaiuraay atternoon while a douDle-
tlon. Britannia and her heirs fnr h .. .. v-i v, j e. 1.1-.1..
.v.;.-Tu p,nT .tin ir." - y eWu ui.
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