The Washington times. [volume], June 13, 1911, LAST EDITION, Image 8

About The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939

Image provided by: Library of Congress, Washington, DC

                
Tie W a 0 t 1 n
" v -ffS'-t' f -- j a- , i j-i. i- j i -yr !"(?''" , " - '""'!f J"'r-3ViBfW. j-? jp-- y. fj r,waj,,- .
1
ton1 Timei M af J n e , Tuesday, June 13, 1911
Some Light Summer Reading and What Came of It .. Drawn, for The Washington Times
o
ByCcJL. Sherman
I DONT KNOW WHAT
, . ""T?"""""" MMMMMMMaaaBMBMBH- wMMmMHo.
TLADY finOBBLET DASHED NTO "OHt 8TUOU t tKKir ilu in irc- 'ont octntu iu iufn nj II DONT KNOW WHATWMMMf? Iwir-
1 A DARKENED CORWDORTO- JNKY DARKNESS AS 5HE HEARD 5T0NE A SHE FELT HIS , YOUVE BEEN DOING fVIJ WT?3
JrrAoS fp PiiRkilPRi- HIM GROPING HIS WAY TOWARD HOT BREATH ON HER- I?f P?!T fLb rJV6JDCZ
-- r ' VHER v I NECK- WHEN , , YOU DESERVE THIS J y- ' .CT
1 - ' I . 1 !! I I t c rrjrjrrrjrsr
ir
LIMIT OF JEALOUSY
'x Discussed Alter Considering
Some Recent Events
BY PEGGY VAN BRAAM
AI
S THERE an age limit to jealousy or is it that the
passing years, opening wider paths of sympathy
and understanding, do away with the petty side
of love in some cases?
It would seem that way, at any rate, for living
happily together in two western states are families
of three trios that have shattered tradition by
amicably living together. One household includes
a man, his first wife who has located him after
forty years of separation and his second wife, to
whom he was married some six years ago, while
in another home there live a young woman with
her first husband who allowed her to get a divorce
when he found she loved a vounger man and the
second husband, and contentment and happiness reign over both
homes.
It lends a new point of view to life, doesn't it? Perhaps it even
offends our sensibilities to think of it, so long have we been accus
tomed to looking upon the trio as a cause of trouble. Yet why not?
Isn't there something very fine and big in" the sympathy of that woman
who, remembering the years of loneliness and suffering which her
husband's first wife had undergone, opened her heart and home to
her, vowing that she should never lack affection and care as long as
she should live?
Gave Up His Wife
Isn't there something heroic in the sacrifice of a man who gave
tip his young wife to another, accepting with gratitude and tenderness
the home offered by the happy young couple who owe, they say, their
content to his generosity?
Undoubtedly; yet such a state of affairs requires the elimination of
jealousy, of the feminine propensity to brood over situations, and a
personality strong enough to do away with the possibility of little
hurts.
So it would seem that the trio is by no means an ideal house
hold. Yet from these two homes one might readily learn a very big
lesson a lesson of the content that dwells when jealousy is thrust
aside, the .happiness which comes when a wife ceases to worry and
fret about her husband's faithfulness and the joy which comes to a
husband when he rests serene and confident of his wife's love and
does not even wonder if there are other men in her thoughts or
her life. ,
So, after all, it comes back to the greatest lesson of all, doesn t
ft? A lesson upon which is based the contentment in those two
homes and in many others, and that is the lesson of faith.
THE STAGE DOORKEEPER
"Poor old Balanclo." sighed the stage
doorkeeper, "he certainly Is a bear
for bum luck. When he cama on to
keep this engagement I thought that
maybe he had tied the can to his Jinx.
But pothln dooln". Say. kid, I can re
member that chap when he wasn't any
more than knee high to a duck, and
they used to make him up like a Jap
and carry him on the stage In a carpet
bag. Then a big guy would Juggle him
around like a ball, and he made a
gTeat hit with the ladles.
Small For His Age
He was so very small for his age
that some society put the quietus on his
work and he had to retire and go to
school for several years When he did
convince the authorities that he was
a man, by growing whiskers In the
grammar grade, they let him come
back. He put through a Jugglln' act
for & couple of years, but the wooden
' wings were full of Jugglln' artists, and
he started to get out something new.
Then's when he put across this bal
ancln' stunt.
"It must take some nerve to climb up
on a shaky table and build up a column
of thirty or forty chairs, cllmbln up all
the time, and finish by balancln' on two
legs of the top chairs and playing
'Home. Sweet Home' on a fiddle at the
same time. There's something about
the balancln' stuff that always gets the
audience Tho people Bay, 'Shucks,
that's easy,' and then go home and try
to balance on one kitchen chair, and
after they've broken a few collarbones
they have more respect for Balanclo,
and give up their good money to see
him again. He's the king of them alL"
A Good Act, All Rfght
"It's a good act, all right," said the
stage-struck youth, "and I've watched
him from the wings every performance
up till today, and I take oft my Roman
helmet to him. But say, why didn't he
appear this afternoon?"
"Well," said the stage doorkeeper,
"you see, Balanclo was tryln to dress
In a hurry, and he leaned over a little
too far while lacing his shoe and fell
oft the chair In his dressln' room. When
I got to him he was groanln' like mad.
and we had to send him to the hospital,
and he'll stay there until he gets over
the wrench in his back."
Our Grocery Clerk
Says In Bad Again
Sa if I se a chance to spring a
good Joke all the king's horses and all
the king's man can't put the ltd on.
That's iste way It happened this morn
ing: It was Mrs. Meek, one of the pll-
Reddv Smith On
Cheap Soda Water
lars of the church, and some pillar, too,
that gave me the chance. I knew I
oughtn't to have sprung It on her, but,
as I say, when a good Joke taps me on
the shoulder I Just have to go along.
Mrs. Meek, the original model for a
proper noun, was buying tomatoes.
"How red they are!" she chants.
"Tee," I come back, "they've been
looking at the salad dressing."
I won't run the chance of saying It's
xsctly original, because you may have
ficurd it before. Anyhow, way down in
Jy heart I knew the Ice was cracking
when I sprung It on Mrs. Meek. "Keep
your old tomatoes!" she says, and beats
it. And, honest, I had to go around and
apologize before the boss agreed to
keep me on the pay roll.
A Grand Success
Mlss Ella, was your fair a success?"
"Glorious ! All the men had to walk
home."
If yu can't don't have de money tu
buy uh good soda, Jimmle, don't buy
none at all. Dat's de way I feels
uhbout It, an' If dere wus more felt
dat way, dey wuddent be so much
sickness durln' de summer.
Sumtlmes It alnt de fault uv not
reasonln foist, Jimmle, cause uh
little chll' alnt comp'tent tu under
stan' an' strange tu say. It's al'ays
de lnnercent dat suffers.
Dere uster be uh little gurl dat
lived on our street. She wus wun uv
dem blue eyed little things, wld
golden curls down hur back an' al'ays
had uh smile fur everybody.
Wun day uh man give hur uh
nickel, an' It wus so hot an' stuffy
dat she beat It tu de corner an
bought uh penny soda. Tu knows de
kin' I means, dem bright red flavored
kind, dat looks so lnvltln.
Dat night she took sick, pains In de
stomach an' all dat, an' de nex' day
she dies. De doctors said she died
natural, an' nobody thot uv de soda
dat she bought on de corner.
Dat's de way It Is, Jimmle, but If
yu'll take my advice, yu'll quit de
cheap sodas.
Midnight Philosophy
Mrs. Squills Quick! Quick! Wake up!
I believe there are burglars downstairs.
Go down and see. "
Mr. Squills (sleepily) Nonsense! Noth
ing but the cat.
Mrs. S. Hark! There! I know there
are burglars downstairs.
Mr. S. (nervously) Well er If you
know they are there there is no use
going down to find out.
By J A M E S H. HAMMON
Drawn for Tho Washington Times.
ALGY
That Burglar Guy Gets
Him in Dutch Again
'" MYWORD '!'WHER- II . III J, 1 1 1 1 I ft GEE- 1 IT S TH&.V&RY
I D'D I S5.5. THOSE. ) r M JSyGLAAN I'Wl
(J&ANa B.FQt&-?r J"X Th SSfiB I LOOKING- POR, !.'!
aijLrjgJj 7 hlfrajrr
7 0lbjC f OIPSER. .'.' COMEQUICK-II NOW Ml ! YOU CAN
' TGUY BOBBIN' A BOUSt- UISTEJM -u "3'0'ELL.THAT TO
fOx (DCWND- STREET .'; , OLD TQpJgfi gjgVV TH6. QUDGfei ,
-13
Loretta's Looking Glass
SHU KODS XT TTP TO TES
Girl With the Raucous Voice
yft mL t. t Nt 32 flBBBBBv Br BBH
IT "WAS one of those surprises with
which life Is crammed full and
brimming over. The voice was, I
mean. For her hat was a queer little,
dear little bonnety affair. And, at one
side and Just above two soft curls that
looked as if they had escaped by acci
dent and were enjoying their delicate
liberty In the neighborhood of her left
ear, there was a cluster of tho palest
pink rosebuds in a floral frame of forget-me-nots.
And her dress was so
daintily conservative, yet o discreetly
provocative, tool
Ready to Love
The men In the party glanced, looked
and were ready to love. Her charm
swept like a' perfume over us all. And
she had eyes of azure and lips as soft
ly red as the streaks on the white
petals of the spring beauties. She was
winning. She was alluring. She was
entrancing. She was all of the de
lightful things we try to say when we
utter "charming!" with rolled-up eyes
and wonder-rapt voice.
Really, it's the greatest rarity to see
so delicious a girl! And there never
was a hungrier set of Individuals who
feasted their optics so voraciously.
The glances that devoured her were
cannibalistic. She looked good enough
to eat!
She was introduced to the whole
company. And nothing could have
more become her than the slight bend
ing of her flower-face as each of us
was mentioned. The memory of a
smile dwelt lazily between her heavy
lashes; and the men floundered and
punned and posed, all anxious to awake
the sportive vivacity that left so sweet
a mark of Us bright self upon her
bonny face.
One man succeeded. Her lovely lips
parted. A flush, as beautiful as the
sheen on a white cloud which the sun
suddenly kisses to rose, mounted In
her cheeks. And the man expanded
with Joyful pride and glanced triumph
antly at his envious fellows.
"Oh! how awfully funny!"
It was her voice. But how curiously
unlike the way she looked! The men
shifted uneasily and looked at her in
tently. "Don't you think that's funnyT" she
asked.
But nobody seemed to. The high,
strident, curiously ringing tones had
ENGLISH JOKE FOR TODAY
Small mirrors are to be supplied for
the use of peeresses during the corona
tion ceremony.
Peer-glasses would have been more
suitable. The Pink Un.
OUR DEVIL WONDERS
If it isn't fortunate that when the
hot weather comes and the chorus
girl market becomes feeble that there
Is always a strong demand for wait
resses at the summer hotels.
fairly knocked the sense of humor
senseless In the crowd.
And how she talked! Any pretty
girl as pretty as she could have af
forded to say nothing with all her
energy in a voice that did not Jar the
Idealisms of every one of her hearers'
till It shook with a palsy. Not one of
the men would have cared how Inane
she was if she had SOUNDED harmon
iously. But, even with the Inspiration
of her flashing eyes, veiled at intervals
with the fringe of her lashes. It was
Impossible to dream dreams and see
visions In her neighborhood. She scared
them away!
The Zooning Rasp
This, then, occurred to me. She was
manicured to a pink sheenlness. It
took time to do that! She was" mas
saged till she had that exquisitely sat
iny complexion which well groomed
women can enjoy. That took time and
money! She was gowned with such In
dividuality, blent with the fashion of
the moment, that it was patent she had
spent thought and cash on her clothes.
It counted up a big amount In dollars
and time and trouble, all that excel
lence of preparation. And It was all
made worthless by a voice that com
bined the queer ringing quality of a
stretched string hit with a pine stlcK
and the hummy, zooning rasp of a
prodigiously active buzzsaw. Forty of
the dollars she had spent with the
tailor might have been diverted toward
a short course In speech training. Any
man would have loved her voiceless.
But no man dares acquire such beauty
with the prospect or a divorce when he
tells his wife to. "keep still." She would
say he told her Ho "shut up." Nothing
but trouble can come from such a
voice!
MAMIE TELLS BELLE
It's Fine While
It Lasts, But
GIRLS SHOULDN'T CLING
W
KNEW it, Belle, I knew it. That engagement be
tween Kate Burt and Tom Walker could np more
'a' lasted than a pound o' fudge in a seminary.
Tom's case is like a man blowin' in a five-dollar
bill he's found somewhere; he didn't have to work
to get it, so he don't mind lettin' it go.
It's a good tip. Belle make 'em work, and
work hard, before you let 'em know there's the
slightest excuse for 'em to even look at the dis
play of di'mon' solitaires in the jeweler's window.
Men are built so they on'y appreciate what they
have to fight for. I remember when I was b'ttlo
enough to be natch'ral, and we used to play spin
the olate. it was alwavs the little cirl in the cor
ner who refused to give out her number boys were most anxious to
kiss.
That isn't the trouble with Kate Burt, Belle She's the clingin'
vine sort o' girl that's never at home unless she's hangin' around a
man's neck and lookin' trustful. Which is all very nice for the girl
and very gratifyin' to the man, but well, easy come, easy go, as
our wise old gran'mothers used to say.
But the Clinging Act is Nice
Even though I know how dangerous it is, Belle, I can never look
at a clingin' vine girl without havin' a feelin' of envy at my innocent
young heart, because, for real, unadult'rated, temporary enj'oyment,
there s nothin' I can think of to equal makin' a clingin' vine out o'
yourself. Goodness, Belle, that feelin' o' havin somebody that's
goin' to keep the wind from blowin' on you for the rest o' your
natural life!
But, like other highly enjoyable things, it won't do. Even before
Tom Walker snatched Kate to his manly bosom, instead o' takin' the
trouble to propose, Kate used to look up into his eyes with a my
protector sort o' look, and let him hold her hand entirely too long
and talk low to her before he'd say goodby somewhere around mid
night. When really, Belle, she ought to 'a' been packin' him off at
10 o'clock with just the memory of a smile or two to make him
whistle all the way home.
It must 'a' been an awful shock to Tom Walker when he real
i2ed that he was engaged. "Why," he must 'a' said to himself, "what
have I done that entitles me to be engagedS,"
And after a while he decided that his conscience wouldn't be clear
if he took the honor without deservin' it, and now he's got his ring
back.
ACCORDING TO SAMMY
Trusts is wlckld things. The moar
they have the moar they want, wlch is
selfeesh and awt not to be aloud.
Now that the Slpreame Cort has
vum thA tobacco trust, sed Pod at
dinner today, may be a man can getj
a good segar for 5 sents.
If you saved up the muny you throw
away in smoak. Ma sed. you wood be
abil to buy sumthlng deesent.
A Question
Wy dont they bust the kandy trust.
Pop? I sed. If they bustid the kandy
trust. I sed, you woodent have to give
me so mutch muny for kandy bekaus
I cood get as mutch for a sent as I
do now for a dime may be, and then
I cood use the rest of the muny for
sumthlng else.
Bekaus the kandy trust must be
one of those reeznlble trusts. Pa sed.
Trusts are 2 kinds, he sed, reeznlble
and unreeznlble, and a trust can rob
the publlck till its black in the faso
and get away with it as long as its
reeznlble, he sed.
After supplr my. cuzzln Benny came,
llttel feller, but he Is a nice kid.
Benny, I sed, lets form a reeznlble
trust.
I don't know wat It is. sed Benny,
but If Its fun lets form it. Besides
beelng a nice kid, Benny is a sport,
wlch meens a fellow that don't haf
to no awl about a thing befoar he
goa in it
Awl rite, I sed, we will form s.
reeznlble pin trust.
So we huntid awl ovlr the house
and put awl the pins In a shoo box
until thare wasent a pin left. I don't
beleeve thare was evir so meny pins
In a shoo box befoar. Ev'n hat pfBs
and safety pins and needles.
Now we are a reeznlble trust, I sed
to Benny, ony Ive got more shares
In It than you bekaus its my house.
Pop and Ma startld to get reddy to
go to the theayter, and pritty soon
Ma sed. Ware Is the werld is awl the
pins.
Noboddy ansered.
Wares the Pins?
Pritty soon Pop sed. Confound It,
did sumboddy eet evry pin In tho
house. Wares the pins.
Noboddy ansered.
So pop and ma began to hunt for
the pins and pop looked like swarlng
and blamed It on ma and ma got awl
exslted and sed, I can't understand It.
Then I sed, pop, me and Benny
are a reeznlble pin trust and we got
a hole shoo box full of pins to sell
at reeznlble prises.
Come hear, sed pop.
Benny got skared at the way he
sed it and snuck down stares and out
the frunt door, and I wawked ovlr
to pop ony I dident wawk verry fast
and he came ovlr to meet me. The
rest of this is so sad I wood rathir
think about It than rite it.
Heat Will Not
Affect These
OBLIGING SERVANTS
Mistress I am surprised. You say
you were married six months ago, di
vorced three months ago, and remar
ried to your husband last night.
Domestic Tes'm. You see, at the
first place he had they wanted a mar
ried man, so we got married; but the
next place they wanted a single man,
so we got divorced, and I came here.
Now he's found a place where they
want a man for gardening and the
wife to cook, so we got married again,
and rm going with him.
Well Qualified
Prospective employer (perusing refer
ences) Have you any knowledge of the
silk and satin department?
Applicant Spent all my life among
em, sir.
Prospective Employer And sheets and
blankets?
Applicant (forcibly) Born among em,
sir.
Putting Him Wise
Stranger (at big hotel)-I notice you
fee the waiters. Do you get better ser
vice? Regular Guest No.
Stranger Then why do you do It?
Regular Guest So they won t aplll
the soup down my back.
The Thimble Case;
Or, Down the Canal
Running his bow lightly or heavily
across his old violin, according as he
wanted light or heavy music, the great
detective, fully dressed, leaned back in
hif. chair and ruminated.
The door opened and an excited but
otherwise healthy woman entered.
"I knew It was you who opened the
door as soon as you entered the room,"
remarked the great detective, and the
woman Immediately became lost In
wonder.
Feeling around, however, until she
found herself again, she exclaimed,
"They tell me you can find anything!"
The great detective bowed modestly.,
"Oh, sir,' my baby has swallowed a
-valuable needle. How can I find It?"
Without even pausing for reflection
the wonderful man spoke: "Have the
child swallow a thimble.'
It was & pretty case!
(A YEGGMN
IS ft
CftfeF-FUU
UfcH-ARj
Sh
A
MJ
BE CAREFUL
WITH THAT
POWDER-
YOU KNOW. I
HE IS A
SfiFE-
BL0W5P-
,
irrfi
TOUCH
OFF-THE-
FUSE-'
ft EUR.frLBR-
lSvft GOOD
&LP.S5
.BLOWER
f-S HOW I
K Clts THffT?)
BECAUSE
JHB 15 ft
! SAF-E-
BLOlEri
7 5
N VUA
Afi rr-i
t WriLJ
LET THE-1
WINDOW
SLftfA ONJ
HIM
PRIZE RIDDLE "TODAY
F THE, BftL.LOON . LOGICS GAUDY IS
THE AEieOPLftNE'ONLV WHEH
THE K.VTE-STR.TKG-5 HEI5.
- Y-
L
f'v t -
Z. tr.-Jjil-'ij- J;4jtf-5t'-i,:3'E..-i.
Sltvjiifejvj,' v M'ik -j