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j&af - 1 1 . ;, i jw - jjr - thtj '" UK' v Tie JV asLington Timet M a-g azine,' ;S a i u r cl a y Ju n e 17, 19 11 Pete and George V Are Both in the King Row Crown JEtn . Drawn for The Washington Times 9 By C. L. Sherman f f POOR PETE- IT MUST HURT ) DREADFULLY. COME LETS -" (GOTO THE DENTIST'S - .1 , la PRETTY BAD -GUESS BETTER SLIP A CROWN OVER ON IT. i I'D ) wnI (.STEADY NOW WHILE-) I I PUSH IT IN PLACER I nrHERE i , j 6UE55 JACK JOHNSON WILL BE- SOME PEEVED WHEN HE SEES MY GOLDEN SMILE- ' r- i iiyemuw heo in the" Iking rownoW v$? JSBff fei U L r JF THAT5 GOIN' TO HURT GEOR&nr VEE- ao rutn Ha i i uiu mt i rirM-r BLAME 'EM FOR. THE- FUSS THEY irtf rifMNin uvtrc it. EE-j y u 3AifV5?-7V5 THE COMMENCEMENT SEASON Should Really Moan BY PEGGY VAN BRAAM ERENE and confident of their ability to cope with all the difficulties life lays out ahead of our stum bling feet, June's mighty army, so young, so full of bravery, so lightly armed with their sheepskin di plomas, has begun the battle for success. So many youthful eyes, masculine and femi nine, are seeing dreams of fame and fortune, so many young heads, gold or brown, are held high in pride at the thought of the knowledge stored in dusty brains, and yet so few realize that gradua tion is in truth "commencement," and not the end. How many, do you think, coming home, a trifle intolerant of the ways of the household, a trifle inclined to exaggerate their importance, real ize that all their knowledge is but the wisdom of books and that the pages of the greatest lesson of all, the lesson of life and love and sorrow, is still awaiting them; while the others the old folk lacking all their modern "higher education," have none the less learned with tears and the passing years the courses of that great teacher Fate? A fine education means the improvement of one's mental ability the training of the mind to absorb and accumulate facts. It means broadening of their point of view, and is often a short cut up the ladder to high positions. The Beauties On Every Side But diplomas do not mention the studies required to be kind, to be gentle, to be patient, to suffer with others, and share their griefs They do not include the opening of the heart to the world, and the search for the beauties that lie on every side. College life teaches the brain, and it teaches the body, but only the struggle with life can teach the heart and soul. And that is why the girl graduates and the men with their mvstcriously lettered de grees are at the commencement, not the end of lessons, and when they tep from school nr collcto it is to enter that greater institution of Hfe and the curriculum is long and hard. So don't he too proud ind too learned, you youthful an.l brilliant June army, marching so gaily forth to do battle with business or professional platoons, but remember that you are young, and you hac been carefully sheltered so far, and don't be too sure that your armor of learning and sheepskin will protect you from the bruises hat come from contact with the missiles flung by fate in the battle for success. By JAMES H HAMMON AT f V Drawn for The Washington Timet. HE SIMPLY COULD NOT RESIST ALGY I'M GONNA SPEAK TOKlGHT AT A SftNQUET 11 REHEARSE MY PElPCH AND SEE. HOW OlU- LAKE. IT ( rr. Auc&nm r ikkti cue yi nvirs (TOP i WALL r- ALSO THE WAlTERsSa . S&fcw lAl, P .ES l, E ftRa I'M GLAD ToeEHEeJSTi f W r tm. a j iiiivli i i r w- wl. .a. ....- i ill uoys ps: w m mrf m" '-. .1 ' V - i...a . I- !-..- i , .1 -,, THE STAGE DOORKEEPER "Here kid'"' bawled the stage door keeper to the callboy, who was loafing on his Job. "take this dollar bill and beat it down to the drug store on the corner and buy me four cigars Four cigars for a dollar, mind jou real smokes none of the Imported Pittsburg panatelas for mine " and the SDK. proceeded to store away a roll that would have given a cow tonsil trouble. "Why This Thusness? "Why this thusness?" asked the stagestruck youth "Four cigars for a dollar that's goin' some. Always thought that you were of the opinion that a pipe was good enough for any body " "It used to was. kid. It used to was. but not today I'm going to have just as much satisfaction in seeing you smoke one of those cigars as I'm goin' to have myself, and that'll be plenty." "There must be a reason," said the S. S V "There's always a reason," said the SDK. and this one is a bird I'm buying these fancy torches In honor of a great event Dcxtro, the great, the most marvelous card manipulator, is In cur midst again. He opened here last night and mj stifled the thousands. He exposed nil the old gamblers' tricks and picked cards out of what the descrip tive writers call the circumambient at mosphere, whatever that may mean. I aluajs like to see Dextro come to town, 'cause he always draws a crowd, and he's a good sport. Say, the things that guy can do with cards and a bunch of poker chips fairly make your eyes bulge out I've always been strong for card tricks since I was a lad, and I must say that this fellow has It on all the rest of the bunch." Made a Little Touch 'I saw him," said the stage-struck youth, "a few minutes ago. He was putting up a fine line of strong talk with the manager for an advance on next week's pay. Seems funny that a guy with his talent, and pulling the money that ho does, should be running short at this time of the week. Why, he only got paid yesterday." "Yes," said the S. D. K., "he got paid yesterday, and last night Dextro and I sat in a nine game or draw after the performance That's some of the great i card exnert's mnnm that T nt nan I for the cigars." MAMIE TELLS BELLE The Duchess and She Have Something in Common, and IT PAYS TO ADVERTISE SAY 1! ARE. TOO LISTENING TO MY TALK OR PlKiM' A DAM& ? f s"zli I v v. c W SOU'. fcKCUSS. ME.- GO AHE-AD OLD IT'S THE. ONUY PL.JNCE. H&R.1 &K Br jove ILL OUST 'v I 'r-iv 1. S "MLOOrSTHNT ja I fc A . . .A. T O TXSs I REITERATE. I AN QsLADTOBEiNTms PLftCe. BE-CftOSE-p )& S?R r - v --- l ' A I : w NOW WE'LL START AT THE. BEGINNING- AGAIN GEMTLENVE-N J -ETC. c unw I n iS I AN'A see somepin nice, Belle? Take a look at this. Considered just as an op'ra cloak, don't you think it's almost too good for the op'ra? That's one fine thing about op'ra cloaks any body can wear 'em from the duchess o' XIarlbor' to me without seemin' out o' place. The men can talk about suspenders. Belle, but op'ra cloaks aro the real democratic garments. S'pose I went to the theater with Bill in one o' these V-back, ebb tide dresses that expose you to the multitude. I wouldn't feel natural, neither would Bill, and everybody that knew me would tell their friends they saw me givin' an amateur imita tion of a third-year debutante. On the other hand. if the duchess o' Marlbor' wore an evenin' gown that didn't make a runnin' start at least six inches from her Adam's apple, it'd tickle her shoulder blades somepin' awful, and she wouldn't feel at home at all. But she feels fine in an op'ra cloak, and so do I, and that's why they're so popular, especially, Belle, especially with the girli that can just barely afford 'em. The Advertisement Fetched Mamie I bought this one at Brown & Browner's, though I saw some han'some ones quite reas'nable in Coopenheim's window, nicer even than this, I think, and $2 cheaper. But do you know why I went to Brown & Browner's? Because I simply couldn't resist their ad vertisement. There's no doubt about it, Belle, advertisin' will rank with electricity as the comin' power. I'd about made up my mind to let Coopenheim's have my moneys when I happened on Brown & Browner's advertisement. There's somepin' about print that gives you confidence, Belle. It may be the healthy lookin' black letters or it may be the way the men that writes the ads throw their whole soul into the work; anyhow, I be gan to doubt whether th"ose cloaks I'd seen in Coopenheim's window were as desir'ble as they looked after all. So I took a peep, and though I wasn't as much impressed as I was with Coopenheim's showin', I kept rememberin' that glowin' ad, and fin'Ily I paid $2 more'n I'd 'a' paid at Coopenheim's, and took the package with me for fear they wouldn't wrap it up quick enough and somebody else'd come along and take it. Yes, Belle, I'm a firm believer in advertisin'. You'll notice when the dukes and things come over here to look over our assortment of heiresses, it's always the girls whose pictures have been in the papers the most times, that they fin'Ily choose. Advertisin', that's all, Belle. ACCORDING TO SAMMY Loretta's Looking Glass SHE HOLDS XT TTP TO THE LISTENING GIRL The Husband Case; Or, Great Detection The great detective removed his black slouch hat and sat carefully on Its brim "Now, madam," he asked kindly, D I 'when was It that your husband dls fciPeared'" "Three months ago," she replied. "Or it may have been four, or it may have been Ave. I've had so many things on my mlnd-you understand " "Exactly," replied the great detective. "Tou say it was Just after an attack of heart trouble that you missed him?" Tas." After thinking rapidly but thoroughly, the great detective took from an inside pocket a file of newspapers. He began searching through them. Tt Is as I thought." he said at length. "Here is the death lotico telling of how your husband was burled four months ago from this very house." She bit her lip. "To be sure!" she exclaimed. "I re member now. I've had so many things on my mind, you understand " "Exactly." replied the great detective. Reddy Smith on The Pair of Shoes It wus ralnin' de udder mornln when I started fur de square, Jimmie, an' de win' was as col' as It is In November. Dere wus uh little girl in front uv me carryln' uh big umberella. Oncest in uh while I cud see hur little face, pink-cheeked an' roun', an hur little brown eyes Jes danced, while uh stray stran' uv blak hair waven frum under hur big hat. Hur clothes wus de bes' yu culd buy, an' dey fit hur tu uh "T." As I'm nearln' de furst street afore you gits to de square uhnudder little girl, blond hair an' blue eyes, cums 'roun' de comer. Hur umbrella wus ragged, hur dress wus Jes plain stuff an' she wus In hur bare feet. "Oh," sez de brown-eyed gurl, "yoo're in yoor bare feet! Why don't" yoo wear shoes?" "I can't." sez de blue-eyed kid. "Dere in de shoomaker'B glttln mended." "Why don't VU Wr uhnndHor- not. den?" "Cause I ain't got uhnodder pair." "Yoo ain't got uhnudder pair," sez de brown-eyed one. "Dafs funny. Why. I got lots uv pairs!" "I know." sez de tldrior lrlrt "K,if T ain't, and what can vmi an nim ... ain't go no more?" Den. wld uh sorter lauf, de blue-eyed kid run off tu git hur shoes frum He nhnomnb-o.-'. I had tu Stan an 1!tti ,, 4Av tm mie. cause I knows, an' yoo knows what it means tu nave Dut one pair; but de udder she couldn't tinripmtnn a i mos' cases wld de grown people it's de same way. NO eavesdropper, you! Tou need no architectural accessories to assist you in listening. You are the girl who listens with one-third of your attention to the person who thinks he Is talking to you while you exercise an observant scrutiny over half a dozen other conversations. You catch enough of the talk across the table to know that the two ladies there are criticising the table decora tions. You snatch enough of the whispered conversation to your left to gather that the young man Is try ing to make his peace with the pretty girl. You listen to the general dis cussion that Is supposed to be ab sorbing the company; and you hear, too, the asides and asserts of the man on your right who has the duty of entertaining you on his shoulders. Caesarean Ability Your Interest In all the conversations you ere not supposed to hear is an Impertinence. Your effort to absorb the attentions of the man is a selfish deception. You have so much confi dence in your Caesarean ability to do seven things at once that you think jou can keep him from noticing that you are gathering general Information while he talks. But it Is a mistaken delusion. In deed, I have an inward persuasion that It's about as much of a success as Caesar's own multiplied effort. His biographers tell the flattering story of him. But he is read and naturally well spoken of. No such hallowing circumstances dignify your perform ance. The man sees his conversational efforts falling on stony ground He realizes that his choice pearls of speech are being tossed to a social swine who is rooting around in the remnants of gossip and quarrel and scandal and personality where she Is distinctly trespassing. What possible advantage Is It to ENGLISH JOKE FOR TODAY He was found In Regent street with a disconsolate look. "What is the matter?" was the obvious question. "Sly wife has sent me to Liberty's to buy a tabouret." "A what?" "A tabouret." "What's that?" "Oh. one of those things that stand I about shin high In the dark." said the, . disconsolate one impatiently, and moved in the direction of Verrey's. The Pink ! 'Un. OUR DEVIL WONDERS If George Flie can take any more j pleasure In his Jeweled bonnet than a I cullud person can out of a discarded silk Hat. ! you to antagonize him by offending Ms pride? Why provoke him by fall ing to reward his efforts to do his duty as your escort? What can it profit you to listen surreptitiously and learn how th quarrel between the young man and the pretty girl will end? You have a possible ro mance of your own right at your elbow. The hostess has put you two, a single girl and an unattached man, together. And you are such an om nivorous absorber of the details of other people's affairs that you neglect your own. He Ferments Inside If there are many girls possessed of more aggravating ways than this pro miscuoua'Tlstenlng habit of yours I have been mercifully spared their acquaint ance. I watch the man. and I know that he, too, finds himself experi encing an internal ebullition as you nod your head now and then to him and your eyes and jour ears continue, in their semidetachment. to hear the other conversations and still keep a kind ot working knowledge of his. The long process of the courses measures a, pen ance period for him. He ferments In side and gradually grows grouchy out side All the anticipation with which he may have contemplated a seat next to you i killed in the Inflammation of his Impatience which your listening has Ignited. Can you think of a more completely successful back-handed blow to a man's disposition to be agreeable? The com plex nature of the Inattention you have given him defies description. But the definition of the ono who administers the perfectly unnecessary punishment is easy. She Is a goose! It raned yesderday. so of corse Pop coodent find his umbreller Pops umbreller Is one of the funnyiest things in the house, bekaus on the days It dont rane evryboddy Is all ways fawlllng ovir It. and on the days .It does rane noboddy can nevlr find it. Pop Is verry prowd of his umbrel ler. on akkount of It having a silvir handel. Pop dident allways have It. He ust to have anuthir one with a wood handel, and one day he went down to the awflss with the wood one and calm hoam with the silvir one. Wat a luvly umbreler. Ma sed, ware did you get It. A Present Its a prezent. Pa sed. From who, prey? sed Ma. If enyboddy asks you. Pa sed. Jest tell them jou don't know. Once wen I was out In the rane with Pop and his umbreller, sumthing hap pened. We went In a drug stoar, and wen Pop was finished ijing stamps he reetched for his umbreller Jest as an uthir man, wlch was a fat man, was reetching for It. Pop beeing thin with lawng legs and the othir man beeing fat with shoart legs, Pop got thare furst. Mj- umbreller, I bleeve. sed the uthlr man. folloing us to the doar. I bleeve not, sir. Fed Pop, this Is my umbreller, sir and I dont no wat you are tanking about. The uthlr man looked close at the silvir handel of Pops umbreller and sed. Is that so, well, would you mind telling me ware j'ou got It. Sertenly 111 not tell you ware I got It. sed Pa. wj shood I tell you ware I got It. I think you are taking ungaranteed llblrtles. sir. Are you going to tell me ware you got It. sed the man, getting awl wet standing out in the rane tawklng about It. Tit for Tat Slppose you tell me ware you got It, sed Pa. v The uthlr man thawt a minlt anfl then laffed, wlch maid him shake awl ovir, beeing fat. I never thawt of that, he sed to Pop, and I gess pizzeshun Is 9 tens of the law. Like wises, sir. I hope thare is honor among umbrellar theeves. Wat did he mean. Pop, I said, soing hoam. He ment. Pop sed, that awl men was creayted eqwal. depending on wlch ona gets thare furst. Under Shady Trees Try Some of These DIFFERENT NOW "You used to say," she complained, "that j'ou could hear the rustle ot an gel's wings whenever I was near you." "Yes." he bitterly replied, "I thought that was what It was, but I have since learned that It was merely the creak ing of your corset." Our Grocery Clerk Says Be Careful The Coupon Fad Mrs. Lightly I think. Helen, you i ought to advise your husband against I smoking so much. . Her Friend I couldn't think of such a thing at this time; why, we need onlj- 1S.00O more coupons to get a hand painted sofa pillow. A Tight Squeeze Irena I Just danced with that Mr. Allarms. ? Harry Well, you seem to have pulled through all right. Irena Yes; but It was a tight squeeze. Our customers have got themselves into the habit of refusing the kind offers of the telephone company to install phones In their houses because they A Good-By The Lamb I've Just bought a hun dred shares of C. Q. & D. common. Think It's a good buy? The Wolf It's a good-by to your money. Hard to Decide "Whom does the baby resemble?" "Well, we haven't quite determined yet. To tell the truth, none of our relatives have very much money." know they can phone right here to the grocerj- and have their messages deliv ered like orders. And we can't refuse, because men may come and men may go. but a customer is a customer. Mr. HIghfly telephoned this mornlnjr and dictated this message to be shipped around to his wife: "Put on your glad dest tonight, hon. I'm going to brine a couple of the boys around. Dick." A minute afterwards comes a mes sage for Miss Solitaire, the only old maid in the block. Oh, how she hates men! I hear .she's Insisting on having a lady iceman sent around instead of the brutal person on the Job at present. Well, you've guessed It by this time. I got the messages mixed and sent Miss Solitaire the glad rag note from "Dick." And did she sprint around and spit fire at the boss? She did. Meow! Meow! Ftt! Sure I apologized; but nevah no mo'! HAY .SWEET kid M?y umo?p--N i MftPLCV ,.SrrO 1-SUCrAR.l - VAs 3 L YOU rCANDY KID nT""-' rrrrmfflrmnirrrr' 3 - SMmssiSmmsmsimLJI. (MAY I BE MAY IS BEAUTY (MflDONMA'.fiyrj "c2'- iffltowiitii TURN HiSl (PHOTO TO VTHE WflCUs W PRIZE P.1DDIJE. TODAY IF PEtlMSYLVANIA Am NEW YOR.K. cxv.nnricitu tJOVtrtui5, HOW MUCH WOULD MEW YORK. BE GAYHOR? TEEfl. 4'M IfllllUlfflfi N 1 b V -3- ijrtJE kltv. sT w. ' s. &T -orf- x X tofc, f h,.- - v frs tf -4-e .