rWr"" " '
j&af - 1 1
. ;, i jw - jjr
- thtj '" UK' v
Tie JV asLington Timet M a-g azine,' ;S a i u r cl
17, 19 11
Pete and George V Are Both in the King Row Crown JEtn . Drawn for The Washington Times 9 By C. L. Sherman
f f POOR PETE- IT MUST HURT )
DREADFULLY. COME LETS -"
(GOTO THE DENTIST'S -
PRETTY BAD -GUESS
BETTER SLIP A CROWN
OVER ON IT.
i I'D )
(.STEADY NOW WHILE-)
I I PUSH IT IN PLACER I
i , j
HE SEES MY
iiyemuw heo in the"
fei U L
r JF THAT5 GOIN' TO HURT GEOR&nr VEE-
ao rutn Ha i i uiu mt i rirM-r
BLAME 'EM FOR. THE- FUSS THEY
irtf rifMNin uvtrc it.
THE COMMENCEMENT SEASON
Should Really Moan
BY PEGGY VAN BRAAM
ERENE and confident of their ability to cope with
all the difficulties life lays out ahead of our stum
bling feet, June's mighty army, so young, so full of
bravery, so lightly armed with their sheepskin di
plomas, has begun the battle for success.
So many youthful eyes, masculine and femi
nine, are seeing dreams of fame and fortune, so
many young heads, gold or brown, are held high in
pride at the thought of the knowledge stored in
dusty brains, and yet so few realize that gradua
tion is in truth "commencement," and not the end.
How many, do you think, coming home, a
trifle intolerant of the ways of the household, a
trifle inclined to exaggerate their importance, real
ize that all their knowledge is but the wisdom of books and that the
pages of the greatest lesson of all, the lesson of life and love and
sorrow, is still awaiting them; while the others the old folk lacking
all their modern "higher education," have none the less learned with
tears and the passing years the courses of that great teacher Fate?
A fine education means the improvement of one's mental ability
the training of the mind to absorb and accumulate facts. It means
broadening of their point of view, and is often a short cut up the
ladder to high positions.
The Beauties On Every Side
But diplomas do not mention the studies required to be kind, to
be gentle, to be patient, to suffer with others, and share their
griefs They do not include the opening of the heart to the world,
and the search for the beauties that lie on every side.
College life teaches the brain, and it teaches the body, but only
the struggle with life can teach the heart and soul. And that is why
the girl graduates and the men with their mvstcriously lettered de
grees are at the commencement, not the end of lessons, and when they
tep from school nr collcto it is to enter that greater institution of
Hfe and the curriculum is long and hard.
So don't he too proud ind too learned, you youthful an.l brilliant
June army, marching so gaily forth to do battle with business or
professional platoons, but remember that you are young, and you
hac been carefully sheltered so far, and don't be too sure that your
armor of learning and sheepskin will protect you from the bruises
hat come from contact with the missiles flung by fate in the battle
By JAMES H HAMMON AT f V
Drawn for The Washington Timet.
HE SIMPLY COULD
ALGY I'M GONNA SPEAK
TOKlGHT AT A SftNQUET
11 REHEARSE MY
PElPCH AND SEE.
HOW OlU- LAKE. IT
( rr. Auc&nm r ikkti cue yi nvirs
(TOP i WALL r- ALSO THE WAlTERsSa . S&fcw lAl,
P .ES l, E ftRa I'M GLAD ToeEHEeJSTi f W
r tm. a j iiiivli i i r w- wl. .a. ....- i ill
uoys ps: w m mrf
m" '-. .1 ' V - i...a . I- !-..- i , .1 -,,
THE STAGE DOORKEEPER
"Here kid'"' bawled the stage door
keeper to the callboy, who was loafing
on his Job. "take this dollar bill and
beat it down to the drug store on the
corner and buy me four cigars Four
cigars for a dollar, mind jou real
smokes none of the Imported Pittsburg
panatelas for mine " and the SDK.
proceeded to store away a roll that
would have given a cow tonsil trouble.
"Why This Thusness?
"Why this thusness?" asked the
stagestruck youth "Four cigars for a
dollar that's goin' some. Always
thought that you were of the opinion
that a pipe was good enough for any
"It used to was. kid. It used to was.
but not today I'm going to have just
as much satisfaction in seeing you
smoke one of those cigars as I'm goin'
to have myself, and that'll be plenty."
"There must be a reason," said the S.
"There's always a reason," said the
SDK. and this one is a bird I'm
buying these fancy torches In honor of
a great event Dcxtro, the great, the
most marvelous card manipulator, is In
cur midst again. He opened here last
night and mj stifled the thousands. He
exposed nil the old gamblers' tricks and
picked cards out of what the descrip
tive writers call the circumambient at
mosphere, whatever that may mean. I
aluajs like to see Dextro come to town,
'cause he always draws a crowd, and
he's a good sport. Say, the things that
guy can do with cards and a bunch of
poker chips fairly make your eyes bulge
out I've always been strong for card
tricks since I was a lad, and I must
say that this fellow has It on all the
rest of the bunch."
Made a Little Touch
'I saw him," said the stage-struck
youth, "a few minutes ago. He was
putting up a fine line of strong talk
with the manager for an advance on
next week's pay. Seems funny that a
guy with his talent, and pulling the
money that ho does, should be running
short at this time of the week. Why,
he only got paid yesterday."
"Yes," said the S. D. K., "he got paid
yesterday, and last night Dextro and I
sat in a nine game or draw after the
performance That's some of the great i
card exnert's mnnm that T nt nan I
for the cigars."
MAMIE TELLS BELLE
The Duchess and She Have
Something in Common, and
IT PAYS TO ADVERTISE
SAY 1! ARE. TOO
LISTENING TO MY TALK
OR PlKiM' A DAM& ?
I v v.
IT'S THE. ONUY PL.JNCE.
'v I 'r-iv 1. S
I fc A . . .A. T O TXSs
I REITERATE. I AN
- v --- l ' A I
NOW WE'LL START AT THE.
GEMTLENVE-N J -ETC.
I n iS I
AN'A see somepin nice, Belle? Take a look at this.
Considered just as an op'ra cloak, don't you think
it's almost too good for the op'ra?
That's one fine thing about op'ra cloaks any
body can wear 'em from the duchess o' XIarlbor'
to me without seemin' out o' place. The men can
talk about suspenders. Belle, but op'ra cloaks aro
the real democratic garments.
S'pose I went to the theater with Bill in one
o' these V-back, ebb tide dresses that expose you
to the multitude. I wouldn't feel natural, neither
would Bill, and everybody that knew me would tell
their friends they saw me givin' an amateur imita
tion of a third-year debutante. On the other hand.
if the duchess o' Marlbor' wore an evenin' gown that didn't make
a runnin' start at least six inches from her Adam's apple, it'd tickle
her shoulder blades somepin' awful, and she wouldn't feel at home
at all. But she feels fine in an op'ra cloak, and so do I, and that's
why they're so popular, especially, Belle, especially with the girli
that can just barely afford 'em.
The Advertisement Fetched Mamie
I bought this one at Brown & Browner's, though I saw some
han'some ones quite reas'nable in Coopenheim's window, nicer even
than this, I think, and $2 cheaper. But do you know why I went to
Brown & Browner's? Because I simply couldn't resist their ad
vertisement. There's no doubt about it, Belle, advertisin' will rank
with electricity as the comin' power.
I'd about made up my mind to let Coopenheim's have my moneys
when I happened on Brown & Browner's advertisement. There's
somepin' about print that gives you confidence, Belle. It may be
the healthy lookin' black letters or it may be the way the men that
writes the ads throw their whole soul into the work; anyhow, I be
gan to doubt whether th"ose cloaks I'd seen in Coopenheim's window
were as desir'ble as they looked after all.
So I took a peep, and though I wasn't as much impressed as
I was with Coopenheim's showin', I kept rememberin' that glowin'
ad, and fin'Ily I paid $2 more'n I'd 'a' paid at Coopenheim's, and took
the package with me for fear they wouldn't wrap it up quick enough
and somebody else'd come along and take it.
Yes, Belle, I'm a firm believer in advertisin'. You'll notice when
the dukes and things come over here to look over our assortment of
heiresses, it's always the girls whose pictures have been in the papers
the most times, that they fin'Ily choose. Advertisin', that's all, Belle.
ACCORDING TO SAMMY
Loretta's Looking Glass
SHE HOLDS XT TTP TO THE
The Husband Case;
Or, Great Detection
The great detective removed his black
slouch hat and sat carefully on Its
"Now, madam," he asked kindly,
'when was It that your husband dls
fciPeared'" "Three months ago," she replied. "Or
it may have been four, or it may have
been Ave. I've had so many things on
my mlnd-you understand "
"Exactly," replied the great detective.
"Tou say it was Just after an attack
of heart trouble that you missed him?"
After thinking rapidly but thoroughly,
the great detective took from an inside
pocket a file of newspapers. He began
searching through them.
Tt Is as I thought." he said at length.
"Here is the death lotico telling of
how your husband was burled four
months ago from this very house."
She bit her lip.
"To be sure!" she exclaimed. "I re
member now. I've had so many things
on my mind, you understand "
"Exactly." replied the great detective.
Reddy Smith on
The Pair of Shoes
It wus ralnin' de udder mornln when
I started fur de square, Jimmie, an' de
win' was as col' as It is In November.
Dere wus uh little girl in front uv
me carryln' uh big umberella. Oncest
in uh while I cud see hur little face,
pink-cheeked an' roun', an hur little
brown eyes Jes danced, while uh stray
stran' uv blak hair waven frum under
hur big hat.
Hur clothes wus de bes' yu culd buy,
an' dey fit hur tu uh "T."
As I'm nearln' de furst street afore
you gits to de square uhnudder little
girl, blond hair an' blue eyes, cums
'roun' de comer. Hur umbrella wus
ragged, hur dress wus Jes plain stuff
an' she wus In hur bare feet.
"Oh," sez de brown-eyed gurl, "yoo're
in yoor bare feet! Why don't" yoo wear
"I can't." sez de blue-eyed kid. "Dere
in de shoomaker'B glttln mended."
"Why don't VU Wr uhnndHor- not.
"Cause I ain't got uhnodder pair."
"Yoo ain't got uhnudder pair," sez
de brown-eyed one. "Dafs funny.
Why. I got lots uv pairs!"
"I know." sez de tldrior lrlrt "K,if T
ain't, and what can vmi an nim ...
ain't go no more?" Den. wld uh sorter
lauf, de blue-eyed kid run off tu git
hur shoes frum He nhnomnb-o.-'.
I had tu Stan an 1!tti ,, 4Av tm
mie. cause I knows, an' yoo knows what
it means tu nave Dut one pair; but de
udder she couldn't tinripmtnn a i
mos' cases wld de grown people it's de
NO eavesdropper, you! Tou need
no architectural accessories to
assist you in listening. You are
the girl who listens with one-third of
your attention to the person who
thinks he Is talking to you while you
exercise an observant scrutiny over
half a dozen other conversations.
You catch enough of the talk across
the table to know that the two ladies
there are criticising the table decora
tions. You snatch enough of the
whispered conversation to your left
to gather that the young man Is try
ing to make his peace with the pretty
girl. You listen to the general dis
cussion that Is supposed to be ab
sorbing the company; and you hear,
too, the asides and asserts of the man
on your right who has the duty of
entertaining you on his shoulders.
Your Interest In all the conversations
you ere not supposed to hear is an
Impertinence. Your effort to absorb
the attentions of the man is a selfish
deception. You have so much confi
dence in your Caesarean ability to do
seven things at once that you think
jou can keep him from noticing that
you are gathering general Information
while he talks.
But it Is a mistaken delusion. In
deed, I have an inward persuasion
that It's about as much of a success
as Caesar's own multiplied effort. His
biographers tell the flattering story of
him. But he is read and naturally
well spoken of. No such hallowing
circumstances dignify your perform
ance. The man sees his conversational
efforts falling on stony ground He
realizes that his choice pearls of
speech are being tossed to a social
swine who is rooting around in the
remnants of gossip and quarrel and
scandal and personality where she Is
What possible advantage Is It to
ENGLISH JOKE FOR TODAY
He was found In Regent street with a
"What is the matter?" was the
"Sly wife has sent me to Liberty's to
buy a tabouret."
"Oh. one of those things that stand
I about shin high In the dark." said the,
. disconsolate one impatiently, and moved
in the direction of Verrey's. The Pink
OUR DEVIL WONDERS
If George Flie can take any more
j pleasure In his Jeweled bonnet than a
I cullud person can out of a discarded
silk Hat. !
you to antagonize him by offending
Ms pride? Why provoke him by fall
ing to reward his efforts to do his
duty as your escort? What can it
profit you to listen surreptitiously
and learn how th quarrel between
the young man and the pretty girl
will end? You have a possible ro
mance of your own right at your
elbow. The hostess has put you two,
a single girl and an unattached man,
together. And you are such an om
nivorous absorber of the details of
other people's affairs that you neglect
He Ferments Inside
If there are many girls possessed of
more aggravating ways than this pro
miscuoua'Tlstenlng habit of yours I have
been mercifully spared their acquaint
ance. I watch the man. and I know
that he, too, finds himself experi
encing an internal ebullition as you nod
your head now and then to him and
your eyes and jour ears continue, in
their semidetachment. to hear the other
conversations and still keep a kind ot
working knowledge of his. The long
process of the courses measures a, pen
ance period for him. He ferments In
side and gradually grows grouchy out
side All the anticipation with which
he may have contemplated a seat next
to you i killed in the Inflammation of
his Impatience which your listening has
Can you think of a more completely
successful back-handed blow to a man's
disposition to be agreeable? The com
plex nature of the Inattention you have
given him defies description. But the
definition of the ono who administers
the perfectly unnecessary punishment
is easy. She Is a goose!
It raned yesderday. so of corse
Pop coodent find his umbreller Pops
umbreller Is one of the funnyiest
things in the house, bekaus on the
days It dont rane evryboddy Is all
ways fawlllng ovir It. and on the
days .It does rane noboddy can nevlr
Pop Is verry prowd of his umbrel
ler. on akkount of It having a silvir
handel. Pop dident allways have It.
He ust to have anuthir one with a
wood handel, and one day he went
down to the awflss with the wood
one and calm hoam with the silvir
Wat a luvly umbreler. Ma sed, ware
did you get It.
Its a prezent. Pa sed.
From who, prey? sed Ma.
If enyboddy asks you. Pa sed. Jest
tell them jou don't know.
Once wen I was out In the rane with
Pop and his umbreller, sumthing hap
pened. We went In a drug stoar, and
wen Pop was finished ijing stamps he
reetched for his umbreller Jest as an
uthir man, wlch was a fat man, was
reetching for It. Pop beeing thin with
lawng legs and the othir man beeing
fat with shoart legs, Pop got thare
Mj- umbreller, I bleeve. sed the uthlr
man. folloing us to the doar.
I bleeve not, sir. Fed Pop, this Is my
umbreller, sir and I dont no wat you
are tanking about.
The uthlr man looked close at the
silvir handel of Pops umbreller and
sed. Is that so, well, would you mind
telling me ware j'ou got It.
Sertenly 111 not tell you ware I got It.
sed Pa. wj shood I tell you ware I got
It. I think you are taking ungaranteed
Are you going to tell me ware you
got It. sed the man, getting awl wet
standing out in the rane tawklng about
Tit for Tat
Slppose you tell me ware you got It,
sed Pa. v
The uthlr man thawt a minlt anfl
then laffed, wlch maid him shake awl
ovir, beeing fat.
I never thawt of that, he sed to Pop,
and I gess pizzeshun Is 9 tens of the
law. Like wises, sir. I hope thare is
honor among umbrellar theeves.
Wat did he mean. Pop, I said, soing
He ment. Pop sed, that awl men was
creayted eqwal. depending on wlch ona
gets thare furst.
Under Shady Trees
Try Some of These
"You used to say," she complained,
"that j'ou could hear the rustle ot an
gel's wings whenever I was near you."
"Yes." he bitterly replied, "I thought
that was what It was, but I have since
learned that It was merely the creak
ing of your corset."
Our Grocery Clerk
Says Be Careful
The Coupon Fad
Mrs. Lightly I think. Helen, you
i ought to advise your husband against
I smoking so much.
. Her Friend I couldn't think of such
a thing at this time; why, we need onlj-
1S.00O more coupons to get a hand
painted sofa pillow.
A Tight Squeeze
Irena I Just danced with that Mr.
Harry Well, you seem to have pulled
through all right.
Irena Yes; but It was a tight
Our customers have got themselves
into the habit of refusing the kind offers
of the telephone company to install
phones In their houses because they
The Lamb I've Just bought a hun
dred shares of C. Q. & D. common.
Think It's a good buy?
The Wolf It's a good-by to your
Hard to Decide
"Whom does the baby resemble?"
"Well, we haven't quite determined
yet. To tell the truth, none of our
relatives have very much money."
know they can phone right here to the
grocerj- and have their messages deliv
ered like orders. And we can't refuse,
because men may come and men may
go. but a customer is a customer.
Mr. HIghfly telephoned this mornlnjr
and dictated this message to be shipped
around to his wife: "Put on your glad
dest tonight, hon. I'm going to brine
a couple of the boys around. Dick."
A minute afterwards comes a mes
sage for Miss Solitaire, the only old
maid in the block. Oh, how she hates
men! I hear .she's Insisting on having
a lady iceman sent around instead of
the brutal person on the Job at present.
Well, you've guessed It by this time.
I got the messages mixed and sent Miss
Solitaire the glad rag note from "Dick."
And did she sprint around and spit fire
at the boss? She did. Meow! Meow!
Ftt! Sure I apologized; but nevah no
kid M?y umo?p--N
1-SUCrAR.l - VAs
PRIZE P.1DDIJE. TODAY
IF PEtlMSYLVANIA Am NEW YOR.K.
cxv.nnricitu tJOVtrtui5, HOW MUCH
WOULD MEW YORK. BE GAYHOR? TEEfl.
-3- ijrtJE kltv. sT w. ' s.
&T -orf- x X tofc, f h,.- - v frs tf -4-e .
xml | txt