The Washington times. [volume], February 24, 1923, Image 10

About The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939

Image provided by: Library of Congress, Washington, DC

                
Remember
the Time —
By Jack Casey
YER used to holler ‘‘Sheeny’
at the rag man who came
around in a rickety cart,
driving a hatrack for a horse and
sat half asleep, yellin’ every once
in a
any-e-e-e bones, any-e-e-e bottles
today.” An’ yer’d run out an’
holler at him, “Hey, want any
bones?” an’ he’d stop his horse
an’ say, “Yes,” so you’d yell, “All
right, put yer horse in the
wagon,” ah’ run. An’ every rag
man drove a horse the same way,
by yankin’ on the reins with both
hinds.
An’ yer always saved up all
the old rubbers in the house, an'
old bottlis an’ newspapers, an’
every rag man had a little hand
scale that yer had to hang a ton
on to register a pound. An’ the
day yer got 8 cents for a lot of
old bottles an’ skipped to the
•tore for candy, an’ next day
yer Ma discovered her new cop
per boiler had vanished an* she
blamed the rag man.
Yer’d go to a blacksmith shop
ah’ get him to make yer a ring
out of a horseshoe nail. Slate
pencils had red, white and blue
paper wrapped around ’em for a
handle an’ came in little flat
cardboard packages. Tradin’
stamps first started and how yer
used to marvel at the tradin’
•tamps premium display window
in town, which was always full
o* china mantle clocks, oak rockin'
chairs, rugs, vases an’ oil floor
limps. An’ if yer came home
after doin’ an errand for yer
ma and forgot to get tradin’
•tamps with yer purchase, she’d
be terribly mad an* send yer
back.
Somebody let a pole cat loose
In the Academy o’ Music on a
night it was packed with "swells”
from the hill, an’ for weeks the
newspapers an* detectives tried
to find out who did it, but never
did. No parade was complete
without a drum major. An* the
best in your town was "Vet"
Anderson, a great Mg colored
fellow. An* when “Vet” headed
the parade all you kids used to
march alongside of him an* imi
tate him doin’ his stuff. An’
after the parade yer’d all get
broomsticks an* pretend yer was
drum majors.
Ter used to have to wash the
windows an’ how yer hated it,
but yer’d stand an’ water a lawn
for an hour. An* when yer did,
how aH the kids in the neighbor
hood would stand around in a
drele an’ dare yer- to sprinkle
’em, an* when yer’d finally douse
•omebedy good, they’d go home
cryin’ an* tell their ma an’ then
•he’d come over to your ma an*
yer’d get a whippin*.
RESdEMJRER?
TtL. SAY YER DO.
Ben Jonson (Jp-to-Date
Tou drank to me only with thine
eyes
When I filled you with cocktails
galore.
Tau left me not one kiss within
the cup
But always asked, “Why dent you
pour?"
The hunger that from my tum
my did rise,
Mor my thirst had I chances to
slake;
Td sa.y, “If you please, give me
simple Swiss cheese.”
•Cause you ordered a thick, juicy
steak.
I, like Ben, sent thee a rosy wreath
To wear to the Interclass prom.
I asked you next day if you liked
my boquet—
You’d forgotten whom you got It
from!
Te gods, Mary Jane, quit digging
my gold.
Tou may think I’m rich, but I
ain’t.
Love’s nectar? Great Grip! If rd
once get a sip
I swear I’d fall dead in a faint!
—Phoenix.
Unseenly.
A learned professor once at
tended a banquet of some of his
and brought his
■even-year-old daughter along with
him.
She was seated next to an
elderly gentleman absorbed in the
preparation of a speech, who con
sequently paid no attention to
the fair one at his side. Resent
ing this inattention she sought
to arouse him by a question:
’Do you like bananas?” she
suddenly exclaimed.
The professor made no sign of
having heard.
“Do you like bananas?” she re
peated.
No answer.
Climbing up on her chair, she
Shouted in his ear:
“Do ysu like bananas?”
At length the old poy turned
toward her with great delibera
tion. and said:
"My dear young lady, I had In
tended to Ignore your most un
seemly question,* but since you
persist, I will say that, personal
ly, I-er-mueh prefer the old
fashioned night-shirt."—Phoenix.
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THE WASHL. oxOan TIMES ’ ♦ ♦ The National Daily • • SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 24, 1923.
RADIO RAGTIME |
MEOW! MEOW! MEQW!
. CATNIP.
Hello, Ashes.
Ab, there Cinders.
Nice day.
I don’t know ;D haven’t looked
out the window yet.
• What have you today?
How about some nice onions?
Are they as weak as your jokes?
Weaker; they're week-end batons.
Keep ’em. (
Well, try this one:
"When did Robinson Crusoe be
come an acrobat?”
"When he sat on his chest.”
Hooray, you nabbed that de
crepit one. Try this:
"Why is a lazy dog like a ton*
hill?”
"It’s a slow pup slope-up)."
Have to explain that one, son.
Try this: "Why do people take
their lunch to the beach?”
Oh, that** a cinch. "Because
they can't eat the sand-whleh-ls
there.”
Righto, Redhead, righto.
“I'll say it to, Weakhead.*
All right, me own, farewell.
So long. Simple.
Phi Lady!! Lady!!
ONE of the most vivid mem
ories of my life to ah ex
perience which I had the
other day on a street car. Most
vivid memories in some way in
volve a woman and this was nd
exception tb the case. And such
a »woman! No sooner had I
entered the car than I was com
pelled, involuntarily, to direct hay
whole attention toward her. She
was the cynosure of all eyes. And.:
justly so. Among the other
women in the car, she seemed
like a rose resting for a moment
among so many weeds. Her beau
tiful hair, her perfectly formed
features, her queenly bearing—all
were such as to baffle adequate
description.
Knights of old waged bloody
battles for maidens who were far
inferior to this cultured lady.
She seemed indifferent to the
unsolicited attention that the peo
ple in the car were giving her.
As my thoughts wandered, link
ing this delectable creature's life
with that of mine—e mere men—
the car stopped and as she shift
ed a hitherto unobserved wad.
of gum she addressed her com
panion: “My Gawd,. . Susie, ain’t -,
you never, goin’ to' git .through ,
readin’ that paper?” —Orphan.
—».
Third Tub to the Right
Mamie (at the daneej—Goth'
home already, Gertie?’
Gertie —Yeah, gotta get down,
to the laundry, early in the morn- .
ing. “, ‘ r
Mimic—Us pore golfs sure hfcs'
the hard time in the laundry,
. don’t we?
Gertie —Yeah, that’s where the
rub comes in! —Brown Bull.
As Herrick Might Have Writ
Dew sate on Lulu’s hair,
And spangled too,
Like leaves that -laden are,
With trembling dew,
"Some dew!” he said to her,
' (His tone’ was mild)
“T don’t,” she soft replied,
And gently smiled.
—Mercury.
The Voice,
I awoke, startled by a voice
close behind me. I turned, but
could distinguish nothing. All
around me it was black-—an im
penetrable darkness save for a
solitary shaft of misty light -that
pierced the air above. Again -I
heard a voice. It was close to my
ear. It said, in a raucous whis
per, "You’re completely in my
power. Your life lies in the hol
low of my hand.” I started. Si
lence. Then it came again:
"Only a moment longer and you
will ’be no more!" The strain
upon my shattered nerves was be
coming insufferable) Silence
again. Suddenly I heard it close
to my ear: "Your time has
come.” Completely unstrung, I
sprang to my feet and wheeled
about: "Damn it, woman,” I
hissed, "aren’t the movie, serials
bad enough without your reading
the subtitles aloud?"—Brown Jug.
Business Before Pleasure.
Two Scotchmen met and ex
changed small talk. As they
were parting to go to supper,
Sandy said to Jock, "Jock, mon,
I’ll go ya a roond on the links in
the morrn."
"The morrn?" repeated Jock
doubtfully.
"Aye, mon,", said Sandy, “I’ll
go ye a roond on the links in the
morrn.”
“Ayo, weal,” paid Jock, •‘l’n g®
ye. But I had intended to get
rnarrlet in the morrn."—Flam
ingo,
Radio.
I palled my leve by radio,
In hopes that she would hoar,
I asked her if she’d marry me,
And Closed It, "Billy, dear.”
Oh, sad is my predieament—
Indeed a sorry mess;
When I tuned in my reeedvers
I heard forty anvwes, Ttg"
-Assd JOM,