The Washington times. [volume], February 24, 1923, Image 11

About The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939

Image provided by: Library of Congress, Washington, DC

                
Medbury
Says-
By John P. Medbury.
FLORIST shops are charging
more for their* flowers
every day and we ought
to recall a lot of our Congress
men If they don’t keep their
promisee and send us some seeds.
But ones they get to Washing
ton thoor find other things besides
flowers to pluck.
They don't use any judgment
In distributing their seeds. Ono
Congressman sent Bachelor But
( tons to every married man he
know.
I Our Congressmen promises us
\ Lilies of the Valley but he sends
us garlic.
The only season he remembers
us with Forget-me-nots is around
election time.
But one Congressman was so
thrifty he sent a lot of tobacco
plante to himself so shat he
could raise hie own cigars to give
away at the next election.
Ms flowers smell sweet when
he iromlaee them to us, but the
odor isn’t so good by the time we
get them.
By the way some politicians
sit around in Washington and
don’t do anything, they must be
raising a lot of wall flowers at
the Capitol.
But the manner In which they
f try to hang on tothelr jobs you’d
think they were growing clinging
ivy-
However, once tn while we de
got a package from them, but its
I usually filled with crushed seeds
I and broken priwlSM.
Before we send them to Wash-
I ington they assure us that after
I they’re elected every dump heap
I in the city will bo turned into a
I rose bower.
And every rubbish can will be
a flower pet.
The,tell Us that it won't be
long before well be able to
smell a roSO wherever We go, but
after they’ve been in the office
a couple of years we begin to
smell a mouse.
F —'
Some Congressmen picture them
r stives as Lilac, but they’ turn
ent to be Lemon Verbiba.
They. don’t want us to know
whkt they’re doing in Washing
ton so they send us Daisies be
cause Daisies won’t tell.
The average Congressman
speaks the language of the flow
ers, but the seeds be sends us
are tongue-tied.
He tells us he’s going to make
our State* one big beautiful farm
but it usually turns out to be a
rubber plant.
(Copyright, ItW. Kins Features
Syndicate, Inc.)
An Irish policeman patrolin g
his beat in Pittsburgh came upon
a dead horse lying in Duquesne
way. He promptly took out his
pencil and pad to make a report.
> He began? “Found a dead horse
lying in —He stopped to
ponder a minute, "D-U-K,”
**D-U-C—how the devil do you
span Duquesne?*’ He suddenly
poekotod his pencil and pad and.
grabbing hold of the horse’s tail,
dragged him around the corner
Into Sixth street, where he made
his report.—Froth.
He-—“ You live in the house
next door, don’t you?’’
She—-" Yes.”
He-—"I haven't seen much of
you.”
She—“No, I live on the other
aide of the house.”—Showme.
Quoth a thirsty young maiden
from Bellevue,
To a suitor. “I’ve always thought
wellevue.
But I see you incline
To a nose with a shine.
JTo keep such a secret is hell
evue!”—Puppet.
[ Cletk Heard the new golf
song, “I Drove My Ball in the
Water Hole.”
Maehie—No.
Cieek—lt ion t Out yet.
—Phoenix
Bwurp—“Where are you go
ing?"
Wurp—"To the Deaf, Dumb,
and Blind Asylum.*
Bwurp—"What for?"
WurF—“A couple of chape
rones.”—Royal Gaboon.
Etude—"Madam, there are fleas
In my room.”
Landlady—" Fleas? I haven’t a
•ingle flea in my house.”
Stude—"That’s right, too; they
•re all married and have large
families.”—Flamingo.
An Italian who lived in Donora,
v Os whiskey drank more and still
mora;
But a bootlegger guy
Sold him tea on the sly,
Which made the Italian much
Mr*.
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THE WASHINGTON TIMES * * TAg Afational Daily • ♦ SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 24, 1923.
NIGHTIE-NIGHT
I I" "ll y m
At eight oaoh nite I etody.
At nine I gaee over th* street,
At nine-thirty a tight grows
ruddy
And at ten I’m In need of raw
meat.'
She takes off her hat at nine- *
fifty-one.
Then her shoes or her seat (Tm
not certain)
And at nine-fifty-six (Tm a son
of-o-gun)
You’ve guessed it—she draw*
down her curtain!
Still at eight each nito X study.
And at nine I’ve a room-ful of
gueato;
For they believe, as I believe
That Mine nite she’s gonna for-
When wo Mar at m setae Wains
hto grfpt '
Wo think ft’s a sad state;
And we thtak of a nan who is
broken and oMU
i v.'ith his clothing loagi cat of
date.
But sometimes wo find an aster
Who’s broke, but not old or
111,
And so his landlady taken his
grip
Because he cant pay bls bin.
—tamon Punch.
She—"So you love mo still,
dear?"
He—" Oh. I guess a little shoul
der shaking is all right"
•—Yellow Jacket.
Professor—" What is ordinarily
as a conductor of electric
ity?"
Senior—-'"’Why, tor—”
*Trotesaor—-"Correct. Now tell
mo what is ths unit of electric
power?"
Senfor—"The what, sir?”
Professor—-That will do; very
good/*
—Awgwan.
"It worries me to keep these
jewels in the house/* said Mre
Stone to her neighbor In Ute
street car.
"Madame need not worry,” said
tho Yobbei-, and to himself on the \
other aide, "I’ll pack up your
’ troubles In my old Idt bag. and
smile, smile, smile.”
z —Vo® Doo
* Mrs. X—You have a maid now
don*t you?
Mrs. Y—Yes, but how did you
know?
, Mrs. X—The ice .man used t<-
stay there three minutes and now
he stays fifteen. —Awgwan.
\ He—Would you accept a per
monkey?
She—Oh, I would have to ask"
father. This is so sudden.
Phoenix;
Minister—My good man, con*
tinue your great work and you ‘
will be compensated in the end,
Solicitor for Charity—Yes, I
got kicked out of the last house
where I called. —Awgwan.
This Is the story of Johnny,-Mc-
Guire .. ... * . . -4
Who ran through the town with
his trousers on fire.
He went to the doctor’s and
fainted with fright
When thedoctor told him that
his end was in sight.
—Jack-O-Lantern.
Irate Parson "Conductor, do
you allow drunkards on this
cat?"
Conductor—" Keep quiet and no
body will notice you.’*—Voo Doo;
Hope was thrown for a twenty
yard loss when a sweet ydung
thing asked us if syntax had any
thing to do with social reform
and the blue laws.—Lord Jeff.
Nothin—"Was that your girl I
saw yqu with last night?”
Orlefts—•'Yeah. Why?"
Nothin —"Why man, she’s no
bigger than a piece of stick
candy.”
Orless—"Mebbe not. but she’s
much sweeter.” —Phoenix.
Among the freshmen who did
not get a “bid” is the one who
innocently remarked that it
looked like rain when the soup
was served at the Mu Kow Mu
house. —Banter.
Bill—" Say,. Scraggs, these here
college boys are certainly game
guys, ain’t they?”
Scraggs—"What they been doin’
now?”
Bill—" Three more of 'em got
broken bones in yesterday’s
game."
."I can’t help loving you.”
"No, that wouldn’t help much.”
—Brown Jug.
Bizarre—Say, grandpop, are we
descendents of monkeys?
Bizzare’s Grandpop—Why gra
cious no, our folks came from
Wales.” —Awgwan.
Last week a man was being
married and when the preacher
staid “This is your lawfully wedded
wife” the dumb brute turned and
said. "Glad to know yuh.”—Brown
Jug.
"I've come to fix that old tub in
the kitchen." ,
•oh.