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% THE BACHELOR.
■ Tlie bachelor !• -pretty punk; no ■Jr carefl when he »et« drunk; Bohodv Hite up Into tor him to uk, Rou ain't sick, are you, Jim?" I He never really hii a friend, nl ■knrh a lot of prune* pretend that m them he looks mlrhty good; ■ry’d like to sttnx him If they ■K« lives on pork and pie and Bis: for him life has no nifty Krillis to him the world Is but a Hike; he knows It all; he Is a sate. I He doesn’t look rood to any ■ante; his reputation’s halt and Kse; he heaves a solemnchoty Hrh, as giggling tlrts go godding ■ He has a baby bank account, of laodest and obscure amount; he Pens a monster phonocraph. but ■wen It can’t make him laugh. ' All of the time he’s all alone; his heart Is harder than a stone; as mi to the dump he’ll rlnmly to, and he’ll bereave no calico! 1 GENE BLOSSOM. > vj A keeper of the New York J to was badly gored the other j iy by a female rhinoceros he as bathing. Thus does na ve resist being tampered with, ay small boy who is compelled wash his feet before going to d would do the same as the moceros if he dared. UNCLE ZEPH. -♦♦♦ ■ fTeu can always count on me,” I the addtnt machine to the girl rotor who wanted to to Into the ivies. "If you leave It to me you’ll leant to something.’’ CHICKY. o+o IF YOU HUNT FOR KICKS, YOU MAY GET ’EM. PULISTOONB OEys TWO THWC-Sj y£AH BOyi VVATCH DlS ourT-ER toSWjJ VOO-Hoo-o-o E €#? UCKEft AM* H * E T r Y tAD-FE*E-6[ WIO Os |JP|6S BOY!! —*♦< HOSE WEDDING BLUES, i (Mr. Hynpekked.) •■ce 1 felt quite happy • I viewed my bluahlng bride, I now both fear and Borrow, | ate replaced thU aenoe of pride. I Ve fought thro ay h many battles nd I always seem to lose, ! love, you have deceived me— ! Ve vet those wedding blues. (Mrs. Hynpekked.) e future Seemed quite rosy fhen the preacher uld "Amen,” bought my troubles ended, lut they' only started then, be content and slnyle, f I again could choose, : no such luck can happen— ’ve rot those wedding blues! (Mr. Will B. Hynpekked.) hould be very happy, 'or this Is my wed dine day, I I heard a conversation *hat has caused me much dismay, ne married men were talking, hey had no cheering news, fact their talk unnerved me— ’ve rot those wedding bines. JOE H. HOLMAN. Headline in St. Louie aper: “Young Man Ar 'eeted With Braes Fittings .” Ordinarily these kind get away with anything. PETE. - SO CHEER UP! r e can not all be pretty, We can not all have "mon,” ut cheer up, for “air Is free,” Apd so la real fun. %n not all be clever, £ J can not all saints be, jute can do our little “bit” P* make others happy—see? ■ LULU M. SCHULTZ. Itient alleges dentist HAD NEGLECTED LICENSE ■ student assistant of a promi- B dentist, whose offices are lo- Bd on Seventh street northwest, B be arrested on a warrant fßging him with practicing den fß/’ without a license. An out ■l patient who was treated by • Billeged inexperienced assistant at Police Court this morn search of a warrant for the that the dentist em- Bveral assistants. Among V lat least one who is not a B practitioner and this one is to have treated r patient remli that a tooth was B/IMISSIONERS OPEN B NEW PLAYGROUND Commissioners today author- B the opening of a new public playground adjoining the |Bey School to be known as the |Blch playground. Bris Heurich, local ice cream IBfacturer, donated the property Bhe playground. Blajor Commends Police. ■letter commending police of the IBenth precinct was received by today from Major IBge E. Lovell, formerly in charge Billing Field, who has been trans- B«d to Honolulu. He said that he B always found police of the pre- B ready and willing to co- Bate with Bolling Field officers. COUE’S CORRECT FORMULA. For the benefit of those dis ciples of Coue in this country who learned well his formula, “Every day in every way .” etc., we wish to state that, “Oh, hell, I’m wellis not official or even proper. Coue himself is ouf au thority. All sorts of people in Paris, in every language, are vising the brief formula quoted above. The dispatches do not state whether they are receiving the physical benefits from it that whisperers of the original for mula are supposed to get. A news note s&ld that President Harding suffered from a swollen face. That may be painful, but It's a whole lot better than a "swelled head.” Ilf we keep takint the rum off foreitn ships sente of them will resort to submarine attachments to brlnt It In. When a fellow starts to "burn his money” he IS never arrested under smoke nuisance regulations. Pearls come from oysters, while most of the girls look to the live lobsters for diamonds. You tell ’em. waiter, for you al wayS have a "come back.” HANK HAWKINS. PROPERLY REBUKED. Youth (walking into store hast ily)—will you let me try on that suit ip the window? Floorwalker —Certainly not. We have dressing rooms for that pur pose. LUCINDA. FOURTH OF JULY. (The Police Department says it must be "quietly" celebrated.) In years gone by. when ear men were kids. The "Fourth” wns hailed with glee. As every lad who wee of age _ And unrestrained was free To vent his Joy In the way he eheee I (Beys will be boys, they any). . And was not chased by the lordly ceps For what he did in play. With flair and dram he could march around And shout and beat tattoo B’en though old maids and some : cranky males ! Such rackets did eschew; And more than that, he was not afraid His fireworks to let fly. Albeit, at times quite a whiff he got Os powder la his eye. But that’s been changed. Now the law says “No” To all the foolish (!) things Which once a year the "glorious Fourth" I'nto the children brings. These rude displays by oar Yankee folks. Both young and old, mast cease. Because, alas! they offensive are To friends (?) who favor peace. If our boys can’t have their little fun On “Independence Day.” What will they think er what Will they do. Indeed, what will they say? They will lose their love of liberty (We dreed the fearful thought)— The very thing for which their brave sires Undauntedly had fought. RANDOM HIM ESTER. When out motoring with your best girl remember that your spark plugs are capable of doing aU the “sparking” necessary under the circum stances. W. E. H. What’s Doing Today & Tomorrow Today. Meeting—Ship's Company, O. A. B. nail. Fourteenth street and Pennsyl vania avenue northwest, 8 p. m. Meeting—Boosters' Club, Knlrhts of Columbus hall, evening. v Concert—Army Band, Meridian Hill Park, Sixteenth and Euclid streets northwest. 7:30 p. m. Meeting—Col. Astor Camp, Stanley Hall, Soldiers’ ‘ Home, evening. Tomorrow. Celebration—Fourth of July, Brookland, Michigan Park and Bhode Island Avenue Citizens Associations jointly, Fort Bunker Hill, Thirteenth and Otis streets northeast, 3 p. m. Hike—Wild Flower Preservation So ciety of America, beginning at Fifteenth and G streets, 9:16 a. m. Auto races—A/llngton track, 1 p. m. Tournament—Auspices of the Church of Assumption, Congress Heights, 2• p.m. Celebration—Fourth of July, Pet worth Citizens Association. aU day. Celebration —Fourth of July, District of Columbia Federation of Woman’s Clubs, Central High School, evening. Celebration—Fourth of July, Boy Scouts, Camp Roosevelt, all day. Celebration-ylndependence Day, Fort Myer Citizens*, Association, Fort Myer Heights School, all day. Celebration—lndependence Day, Ta koma Park Citisens Association, all day. Meeting—Oldest Inhabitants Associa tion, Union Engine House, Nineteenth and H streets northwest, 11 a. m. Picnic—Parish of Holy Bosary Church, Palma's Good Luck Farm, Capitol Heights. Md.. all day. V Celebration—lndependence Day. Edge moor Country Club, evening. TO CLASSIFY EMPLOYES THIS WINTER Prince Georges Citizens Attack Vice SUBURB!! THROES OF CRUSADE Citizens Meet to Denounce Lawlessness and Wage War on Conditions. The opening gun of what prom ises to be a bitter campaign to free Prince George's county, Maryland, of vice conditions, gambling and bootlegging was fired last night when 150 repre sentative citizens of the county met in the municipal building at Hyattsville and formed an organ ization to combat lawlessness. Declare War on Vice. With the open declaration of war against all forms of lawlessness in the county, the gage was thrown down to high county officials who, it is charged, have winked at the prevalence of gambling, petting par ties and bootlegging. The charge was made by one mem ber of the new organization that cer tain county officials not only are per mitting the sale of illicit whiskey, but are actually bootlegging liquor themselves. The meeting last night was called to order by Mayor J. Frank Rush's of Hyattsville. Mayor Rushe was elected chairman; Judge H. J. Mof fatt, secretary, and Mrs. K. J. Mor ris, treasurer. The Rev. J. E. Smith, pastor of the Christian Church at Landover and knoWn throughout this section |of the country as "the fighting Scotch parson," was Introduced to the meeting as a candidate at the Republican primaries for sheriff. If the "respectable element” of Prince George’s county choose "the I fighting parson" as their chief law I enforcement officer, they will have ' elected a man who Is absolutely fearless, his friends say. Past Record. | In seven weeks, It is said, during I which he conducted a rapid-fire ! evangelistic service, he cleaned up 1 vice conditions In Martinsburg, W. "I want to see that the law Is en forced ih this county,” said Mr. Smith. "I want to get after not only the bootleggers, but the pet ting parties." The alleged lawlessness that pre *n, the county, dnd the laxity of officials, was the subject of the Informal discussion. Councilman Ben Brouner, of j Hyattsville, who has jnade an ex j haustlve Investigation into condi : tions In the county, startled the audience when he denounced the State's attorney, J. Wilson Ryon, as being unfit to hold his job. “I was a member of the recent grand Jury at Marlboro,” said Coun cilman Brouner, “and I am ashamed to Bay It was a grand fake. Influ ence wgp brought to bear by the highest county officials to stifle evl dence that should have been brought forward. "We have officers who are sworn to uphold the law and they are try ing to break the law as much as any bootlegger. "We have men appointed as con stables and deputy sheriffs and the like who are bootleggers in every sense of the word. The sheriff deputy sheriff, several constables and the State’s attorney are unfit to hold-office." The Rev. T. B. Anderson, of Laurel, declared the town in which he lives and has his pastorate is the. "most depraved town I have I ever been In.” He cited Instances of young men (being ruined by the "pernicious In fluence of the racetrack and the bootleggers who ply their nefarious ! trade under our very noses.’’ A solution of the alleged lawless ! condition was advanced by Charles W. Clagett, Hyattsville town coun sel. He urged the appointment of county police, who would patrol the • roads on motorcycles, i G. W. S. Musgrave, of Laurel, advocated the discarding of party politics in the November election, and urged the members of the asso ciation to vote for men of their choice. i "Don’t let the scalawag, gambler and tout run your politics for you,” he said. i Other addresses were made by the Rev. J. H. Strong, pastor of the Hyattsville Baptist Church; W. A. Brooks, Prof. Patterson, and the Rev. Dr. Cannon, of the Hyattsville Methodist Church South. Mayor Rushe appointed the fol lowing committee to draft a plan , of action; j 1 G. W. S. Musgrave, Mrs. H. J. Patterson, W. A. Brooks. J. Fred .Keefauver and J. H. Blandford. I It was decided to meet every Monday night in the town M at Hyattsville until election. TUESDAY EVENING. JULY 3, 1923. WITH THE ALIBI ARTISTS THE TRAFFIC COURT IN CROSS SECTION Being a Skeleton Record of Cases Tried in Judge Scheldt's Tribunal. Read ’Em and Worry By DONALD McDOUGAL. Passenger leaving westbound street car at Seventh street and Florida avenue hears angel choir rehearsing requiem as boob In tin Lizzie scrapes paint off car with one fender and leaves a streak of paint on passenger’s coat with the other. Cop finds boob hasn’t any permit and suggests a short spin in the patrol wagon. "I wouldn’t have driven without a permit, your honor, only a friend of mine asked me to. The regular driver, he went to a swell party Saturday night and he hadn’t recovered when we started out at 4 o’clock yesterday afeer noon" . "What was the matter with him?" “He danced too much." “He should have recovered from that before the next afternoon." “Yes, sir. But he danced with another man’s girl. So I had to take the car out. At Florida avenue and Seventh street there was a big truck in front of me and I couldn’t see when we got to the car stop.” "That’s most unfortunate." Passing street eyf, sls; no per mit, $lO. Wrong Number. "I paced this man from the corner of Fourteenth and Water streets to the Highway bridge at twenty-eight miles an hour, your honor.” "I was only going twenty-six." “That’s doubly unluckly. $10." . A Good Hand. "I was going west on H street, your honor, as this man was com ing south on Ninth. I expected to pass behind him, but he stop ped suddenly without warning. If my car hadn’t been equipped with A-l brakes there’d have been a smash. But there was only about 2 Inches to spare as it was.’ "I had to stop suddenly be cause there was a machine com ing east on H street. I thought it was an ambulance at first, it was going so fast, and I put on my brakes and held out my hand at the same time. I have two witnesses who saw me give the signal.” “That hand saved you a fine. Case dismissed." Costly Reciprocity. “This man was operating a Ford touring car at Seventh street and Pennsylvania avenue, your honor, with only Maryland tags displayed. He didn’t have any District tags. I asked him for his permit and he didn’t have any. I took him to the station to put up collateral and he didn’t have that either.” "A feller over in Baltimore told me that Maryland tags were good for twenty-four hours in the Dis trict, your honor, so I drove over.” "Didn’t you know that District people are required by the Mary land authorities to have Maryland tags on their cars when they visit your State?” "No sir. I didn't know that." "How long have you lived In Maryland?” "All my life.” "We’ll have to give you the same reciprocity that Maryland gives us." Wrong tags, $10; no permit, $lO. PEENEY, OF RENT BOARD, DUE HOME THURSDAY Thomas E. Peeney, newly ap pointed member of the District Rent Commission, who has failed to make his appearance in Washington since President Harding named him to the position, is due here on Thurs day, Attorney Chapin Brown of the rent board learned today. Peeney is In Wilmington, Del., and has expressed the intention of remaining there over Independence Day. His absence has caused the commission to postpone election of a chairman. INSPECTOR A. J. HEADLEY 28 YEARS A POLICEMAN Inspector Albert J. Headley, chief of the traffic bureau, today is cele brating the twenty-eighth ariniver sary of his joining the Washington police force. The inspector entered the depart ment as a private and was assigned to duty in the Fourth precinct in southwest Washington. 152 LOCOMOTIVES BOUGHT IN JUNE FOR EXPORT By Cosmopolitan News get rice. NEW YORK, July 3.—June buy ing by railroads included loco motives, according to figure! pub lished today by the "Railway Kge.” All were for export. * Other orders were for flf A-two passenger cars, and 1,775 cars. In May, 94 locomotives bought. V SET FIRE TO ‘CHARGED’ CUT Pungent Odor of Loaded Sweets Arouses Suspicions of Liquor Sleuths. Fifty pounds of rum-filled bon* bons, each containing a thimble ful of imported rye, Scotch or cordial, were dumped into the pi# at the Georgetown customs house yesterday afternoon. The liquorful chocolate drops proved "spirituous" fuel, and when they were fired residents about Thirty-first and M streets north west mistook the bursting of.the bonbons for a premature celebra tion of the Fourth of July. Owned by Merchant. The "charted’' candy was the property of C. M. Guggenhetmer, a wealthy merchant of Lynchburg. Va., and is the first ca*e_ of the kind to come within the jurisdiction of the Georgetown customs house. Were it not for the tact that some of the ‘loaded" sweets over flowed in transit and emitted "that unmistaable odor" the precious con signment would probably have reached Its destination. Aocerdlng to law, notice of the seized consignment was posted at the customs office in Georgetown and Guggenheimer notified in order that he might file a protest th the Secretary of the Treasury. Instead, Guggenheimer requested that the candy be destroyed. Contents,of Boxes. The contents of the packages is made up of pound boxes, each box containing two layers of ordinary looking, oblong-shaped chocolate drops, twelve drops to the layer. Close examination shows the candy to be lined, apparently, with a com position sugar-crystal, similar to that forming the old-fashioned Easter egg—the kind you looked trough at one end and saw a tiny snow scene at the other. This lining is water and liquor proof. Each separate piece of candy contains about one thimbleful of rye, or Scotch, or cor dial. Actual experiment proved that each pound of candy, if "drawn off,” yields exactly one man-size drink. BRING SUIT FOR ALLEGED FAILURE TO MOVE CHURCH P. Dudley was named defendant In a suit filed today In the District Supreme Court by A. D. Holder, trustee of Ward Memorial African Methodist Episcopal Church, for $5,000 damages for breach of con tract. Plaintiff, represented by Attor neys J. W. Glennan and M. C. O'Brien, alleges that he made a con tract with defendant to remove the frame church and parsonage from one site to another and that the con tract, which was made April 19, 1922, was to be completed in sixty eight working days. The building was located at 100 Manning street northeast, and Its new location was to be at 42 Brooks street northeast. Holder complains that fourteen months have elapsed, and that the buildings have not been placed as agreed upon. Plaintiff tells the court that the condition of the build ing is endangered by the Jacks and supports of the church having been removed. He sayß he has also been deprived of the use of the church and has lost the revenue usually de rived therefrom. MRS. EMMA SWEENEY, ILL, SEEKS MISSING HUSBAND Mrs. Emma Sweeney is anxious to find her husband who disap peared from her home at 1208 Maryland avenue June 9. Sweenev, whose business is the extermina tion of Insects and vermin, and who was employed at one time at the Capitol, is six feet tall, very thin, clean shaven, has a scar on the back of his neck and was wearing a gray suit and tan shoes when he left home. Mrs. Sweeney is now living at 1314 H Ninth street, and is on the verge of destitution. She is ill and must learn of her husband’s where abouts Immediately. He has been seen In Washington since his dis appearance. Excursion Announced. As chairman of the moonlight excursion committee of Dominican Lyceum, Joseph A. Connor has se lected July 18 as the the excursion which will be made on the St. Johns. Many Interesting features are being planned. SECOND SECT! RHODE ISLAND BOYS • HIKE TO CAPITAL • r w i ■ I - r - V ■ m RhS V' " W' P f £ ! % i L* I TIMES STAFF PHOTO Alternately walking and accepting "lifts," the two youths pic tured above hiked to Washington from Newport, R. 1., with a cash emergency fund of $lO. They are, left to right, Sydney D. L. Gre a son and George F. Cozzens, jr. They are now visiting at the home of young Cozzens’ uncle, Harwood £. Read. HIKE HERE WITH TOOTHBRUSH AND $lO Newport, R. !., Youths Make Fast Time in Overland Jaunt to Capital. Ten dollars and a toothbrush "was all the field equipment they could find” —these two young hikers who came into Washington with the sun today, from Newport, R. I. George F. Cozzens, jr., seventeen years old, and Sydney D. L. Grea son, eighteen, started from Newport on Thursday morning at 9:30 o’clock. Their resources consisted of heavy hiking apparel, a $lO bill and the aforementioned toothbrush. Their original intention was to walk as far as $5 would sustain them and to return on' the strength of the remaining cash. When they got started, however, they found that truck drivers and tourists were only too willing to give two boys a lift along their way. By nursing their financial assets and sleeping only a scattered eight hours on the hike, they arrtved in this city today at 4:30 a. m. They are visiting for the next few days with Harwood E. Read, claims adjuster of the Washington Railway and Electric Company and the Po tomac Electric Power Company. He is young Cozzens’ uncle. NEW DIVISIONAL DRY CHIEF GOING SLOW Harry M. Luckett, new acting di visional chief of general prohibition agents in the District, Maryland and Virginia, said today he con templated no immediate changes in personnel. He called in workers from near by cities, included In his territory, today, for conferences on procedure under his regime. ALL-WASHINGTON HOME TOWN PAGE THIS MU ILL ST SHORTEST FOR THE ourth of July and First Closing Saturday Make Week Short est of Year. This Is the shortest week for Washington merchants and busi ness houses in twelve months, it was announced today by the Mer chants and Manufacturers Associa tion. There will be but four business days this week, through the con junction of the Fourth of July, Wednesday, and the first Saturday closing for this season. The first Saturday closing day usually comes in the week fol lowing of July and the last Saturday closing is planned for the week prior to Labor Day, so that no week will be shorter than five business days. Owing to the extreme heat early this summer and to the abnormally brisk business conditions which have held through the spring months, it was announced, the mer chants decided to observe the first Saturday after July 1 as the first full day closing, despite the fact that it falls in the same week as the Fourth. Owing to the unusual condition this week many employes are ask ing that they be pennitted leave Thursday and Friday of this week so that they may take advantage of the double holiday for a brief trip out of town before taking up the summer campaign. It is indi cated that these requests will he granted wher*ve- possible without injury to business. While a slight slackening of business has become apparent dur ing the past week, busliwss condi tions in Washing Son are still InboVe normal for the fsoason, it was stated, and local merchants antici pate a good summer business* BUREAU TO CLASSIFY WORKERS * Present Allocation Is Tempor ary, Only Being; Done for Budget Purposes. The reclassification situation affecting Federal employes was clarified today by officials of the Personnel Classification Board. There will be no oral hearings on the problem of allocation be fore December at the earliest, Frederick L. Bailey, the new chairman of the commission, an nounced. Present Work Temporary. The present allocaUon of District employee is being made for budget purposes only. The permanent classification, which is regarded by the personnel board as a continuing and perfecting process, probably will not be undertaken until next winter. The personnel estimates will not go into the Budget Bureau on August 1, hilt oft Oaptefiiber 16, ft was an nounced. The personned classifica tion board expects to be able to ap prove all of the tentative depart mental allocations in advance of that time. Classification of the field service, however, will not be completed be fore November, and estimates for the field personnel will hot go to the Budget Bureau until that time. Charles A. Harbaugh today was chosen as secretary of the person nel classification board. He has been acting as one of the executive assistants in the Budget Bureau temporarily assigned to the board. Asked to Delay Hearings. All of the employes’ union prob ably will be requested in the next few days to defer requests for oral hearings until after December. It is emphasized that the board will have all it can accomplish in the meantime in making the alloca tions on the basis of data already assembled. Briefs from the va rious employes represented will*be considered in the meantime. Employes of the steamboat in spection service recently tpade an urgent request for a hearing on the problems of reclassification in the service, and will be Informed in the near future that no hearings will be held until December or Jan uary. Chairman Bailey, in discussing re classification today, emphasized Bis belief that a tribunal similar to the personnel board would have to function continuously from this time forward to handle all the de tailed problems of classification. He said that genuine classification was the work of years, particularly as new positions are being created all the time. He expressed confidence that all Federal workers would be satisfied with the board’s work when the full program and policy are unfolded. MASONIC BAZAAR TO BE OPENED TONIGHT The bazaar and fair of Stansbury Lodge, No. ?4, F. A. A. M., at Georgia avenue and Quincy place northwest, will be in full blast for the first time tonight, it was an nounced today by John J. P. Mul* lane, managing director. Though the fair opened Saturday night, only half the attractions were in operation due to incomple tion of booths and lighting. The affair will continue for two weeks and the proceeds will be applied to the Bright wood Masonic temple , building fund. Attractions include dancing on. a large open pavilion, an illusion show, side shows and novelty games. Music is provided nightly by the K&liipolis Grotto or chestra. AUTHORIZED DRINKER FINED sls IN COURT "Hooch Inspector Number 2S” in the person of Joseph Peyton, colored, today paid sls in Police Court because he had tested too much "Hooch” last Saturday. The "Inspector” was arrested at Georgia avenue and Bryant street northwest, where he had tied up traffic, when he tried to direct it. Taken into custody Peyton show ed his "Inspector’s Badge” which he said, gave him authority to imbibe. WAR VET ACCIDENTALLY SHOOTS SELF IN HAND While examining an automatiq pistol early today in his room in a downtown hotel, James Bruns, twen ty-three year#* old, of Springfield, Mam, accidentally discharged Aho wea&n and was wounded ta/Jhe