The Washington times. [volume], July 03, 1923, Image 15

About The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939

Image provided by: Library of Congress, Washington, DC

                
The World
Live in
By Dave Sentner.
THE doctors removed all the
appendixes and now they’re
putting them back and call
ing them glands.
Telephones are a 'great inven
tion for operators to broadcast
their dialogues.
Henry Ford also put the joke
Industry on a business paying
-basis.
Mr. Potts, M. V. (married vet
eran), says if you have any sex
pride don’t ever send a wedding
present with a handle.
International police conference
Toted to bar all pistols. Guess
the ladies will have to go back
to hatpins.
Once upon a time probably
nobody ever though Boston would
amount to a hill o’ beans.
Since the three-mile limit ruling
a yacht is worth an ocean of hip
flasks.
Johnny Brighteyes says that it’s
•fficiency to go to a musical
comedy wearing a monocle.
It wouldn’t be so bad if these
speeding autqists would occasion
ally run down a gunman.
Rheumatism might be worse.
Consider the centipede.
A real wet party is when the
gang starts playing poker for rain
checks.
Vernon, the Bolsheviki mouse,
■ays his contact with cats has
taught him not to 'cry over spilt
milk.
A politician may not keep all
his promises, but he keeps his
appointments.
It takes a lean wolf to stand at
the door of the average flat.
Colored shoes, with red pre
dominating, are now being worn
by the ladies. A lip stick can do
for a shoebrush.
A husband is what eats three
meals a day. A wife is what
cooks three meals a day.
There was a new physician in
Kansas City, says John Nicholas
Bessel, who had practiced in seven
Ohio communities and who claimed
to have attended the President’s
brother-in-law during a siege of
speckled pneumonia. He prided
himself on his unerring diagnosis
of all ills.
On a slow day an elderly man
with a benevolent looking beard
hobbled up two flights of stair&
to the medic’s office and asked
for treatment. He had rheuma
tism in his right leg, he explained.
Having put the patient through
a fast five-minute examination,
the doctor nodded wisely and said:
“Sure, I know what’s'the mat
ter with you. It’s old age.”
“Old age! Not a bit of it!” ex
claimed the sick man. “Why, my
left leg’s just as old as my right
one. if it was oM age, I’d have
rheumatism in both of ’em!”
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MY. Mose -SPoieca* MY
THE WASHINGTON TIMES
* * The National Daily * *
TUESDAY, JULY 3, 1923.
NOT GUILTY
By W. L.
AN artist In old England
Rises boldly to declare
There Isn't one that’s lovely
In the sex that we call fair;
Their "beauty,” says Bill Orpen,
Is merely pad and paint; '
Their shoulders get more bony
Is the burden of his plaint.
But when Sir Will alleges
That legs are thinnig now,
He says a startling mouthful
That wiy sure stir up a row*
We must Invite this critic
To a trip along Broadway?*
For he’ll be disillusioned -^
When the naughty winds get gay.
Sandy and Donaid were bitter
rivals on the local golf links In
Scotland, yet their battles were
fought olubKouse and never
on the course.
At last they were persuaded to
play together, and. after a hard
struggle, they stood both square
at the eighteenth tee. Donald
hooked his tee shot Into some
very bad rough ground; Sandy hit
a fair drive, and then went to
help Donald find his ball.
After a considerable time, Don*'
aid found his ball, played out of
the rough, and managed to halve '
the hole and the match.
Late that evening, when Sandy
was walking home with a friend,
he remarked; "It's a verra
strange thing, but I canna fathom
hoo Donal’ found his ba\ for It
wis In ma pooch a' the time.”
i The man at the corner table In
the restaurant had been waiting a
long time for the fulfilment of his
order. Finally, the waiter ap*
preached and said;
"Tour fish will be coming in a
minute or two now, sir.”
The man looked interested and
said: ."Tell me, what bait are you
using?”
They were honeymooning at a
quiet little seashore resort.
' "I hear, dear,” she said, "that
there was a wreck last night a
few miles down the coast..
Wouldn't you like to go out and
see it?”
"Dear,” replied the earnest
young man, “the biggest wreck In
the world could not tempt me
from you!”
A business associate of Thomas
A. Edison had occasion to inter
view an .elderly man who Is deaf
and rather sensitive about it.
When they began to talk, the
deaf man indicated his infirmity
by cupping his hand at his ear
for a moment, .hut the caller failed
to observe the sign and much of
his talk was wasted. A friey#
who accompanied him tried *
vain to Impart the idea wltn w
nudge or a . whisper, and snw
they had left he explained the sit
uation.
"Well,” said the man from New
Jersey, "the only other deaf man
I know is Mr. Edison, and when
anyone starts talking to him he
says, ’Dammit, yell! I’m deef!* ”
"I thought you said she was one
of your best friends.*
“She is.”
"But when you met her the
other afternoon she seemed so
stiff and formal.”
"Yes, but I understand her
thoroughly. She's just been read
ing a book on etiquette.”—Detroit
Free Press.
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