The Washington times. [volume], July 09, 1923, Image 15

About The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939

Image provided by: Library of Congress, Washington, DC

                
Medbury
Says—
By John P. Medbury.
A PROMINENT « writer says
that by 1998 the White
House will be occupied en
tirely by women. Maybe he’s
right, and if this is true then the
Vice President will no longer be
a silent figure.
There’s no reason why a wom
an shouldn’t be President. A lot
of them are just as good golf
players as men.
They could fill the Cabinet
positions perfectly. There’s not
a married woman in this country
who wouldn’t make an excellent
Secretary of War.
Most wives are good cooks and
any man would be glad to nomi
nate his wife for Minister of the
Interior.
And a lot of them are so used
to working that they’ve had
plenty of training to fit them for
the Department of Labor.
The average married woman is
so used to grabbing her husband’s
pay envelope every Saturday
night that she’d know exactly
how to act if you put her in the
Treasury.
If a woman had been President
four years ago England wouldn’t
have our dough now.
The chances are we’d have
theirs.
A woman wants to see what
she’s getting for her money, and
Stanley Baldwin didn't bring any
bargains over here with him.
Os course, some women gossup
a whole lot, and our lady Presi
dent would probably have us at
war with every foreign nation.
But she wouldn’t let our sol
diers fight it out on a battlefield:
she’d want the last word herself.
The extent of our warfare
would probably be the women
from the different nations get
ting together and calling' each
other names.
Then whichever side got lock
jaw first would lose.
Still, the most pitiful sight im
aginable would be to see our
lady President and her girl Cabi
net arguing over a lot of bills.
It is not at all unlikely that
we may have a woman President.
But can you imagine some for
eign diplomat calling at the
White House to see her and have
her send out word that she’s busy
in the kitchen.
However she could attend to
the Government affairs in the
morning and do her housework in
the afternoon.
Instead of being on the golf
course most of the time, she’d
spend her leisure hours around
bargain counters.
These foreign diplomats had
better do all their arguing now
because if this county ever gets
a woman President, there’s no
use talking.
AL FRESCO
gEATED in her arbor,
Betty pouring tea.
Makes the leafy harbor
Paradise for me.
Just to be beside her
Brims my cup with bliss
Hang that cheeky spider
Spoiling sport like this!
Betty Is a beauty,
Pink and white and blonde;
Human tutti-frutti.
Sweet all sweets beyond.
Magic is the glancing
Os her lovely eyes.
Alchemy entrancing—
Darn these blooming flies!
hat could be as pleasant
Os an afternoon
As this perfect present?—
Well, perhaps, a moon.
Nothing more enthralling
I would ever beg—
Darn that beetle crawling
Up my trouser leg!
—Judge.
"Why Is he suing his wife for
divorce?”
"Because she concealed a minia
ture broadcasting Instrument in
his inside coat pocket.”
"I * just got a dollar,” said the
custodian of the conscience fund.
"Any signature?”
"None. Probably from some dol
lar-a-year man.”
"I don’t believe in riding a
good horse to death.”
Jones (who has been taking
riding lessons}—lt’s usually the
other way round.
Crawford—Gayboy had a fight
With the lifeguard.
Crabshaw Do you blame him?
The fellow grabbed him and drag
gßd him ashore just when he
Was near the three-mile limit.
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HATTIE \ By Jack Callahan
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- THE WASHINGTON TIMES * * The National Daily * ♦ MONDAY, JULY 9, 1923.
Campus -
Wit
Pumps—Whatk do you mean by
a stag?
Oxfords—One who's always
horning in.—Notre Dame Juggler.
“I Invited two women to the
dance last night.”
“How did you get away with
it?”
"Neither of them accepted."—
Brown Jug.
John—l’m going away for good.
Henry—Going away for good?
“Yes, going away for good.'*
“Good!”—Denver Parrakeet
“I think I must have been
King Tut’s first wife in the long
past ages,” she murmured rap
turously as she gazed at the
stars.
“No you weren't,” he replied.
"What proof have you?” she
icily inquired.
“I was King Tut himself.**—
Michigan Gargoyle.
“I like those religious girls.”
"What do you mean religious?”
“Those kind that make you
feel as if you were in heaven all
the time you are near them."—
Penn State Froth.
Ted—Will you remember me
when I am far away?
Jed —How far away are you
going?—Cornell Widow.
Mother (to daughter)—My good
ness, how did you get all that ink
on the side of your face?
Daughter’s fiance (unconsciously
searching in vest pocket)—Gosh!
Is that pen leaking again?—Jack
o-Lantern.
Her—Don’t you think Gorma
Nish is just thrilling in “Wild
Oats?”
Him—Yeh. That’s her best
cereal.— Boston Beanpot.
"So you’re de guy who’s turnin’
the street around!” Carnegie
Puppet.
Away to get rid of the blues
Is to stay on a bobtail straight.
I hasten to spread the glad news
Away to get rid of the blues,
The red and the white ones to
lose,
Is to take my advice when I
state—
The way to get rid of the blues
Is to stay on a bobtail straight.
—Yale Record
Oh, take away your pickled
camels’ toes!
Your breast of humming bird
and parrot head;
I. wouldn’t touch that broiled
live ostrich nose.
But bring me just a plate of
beans instead.
I hate the tongues of French
fried nightingales,
((It makes no difference if they
are on toast)
I loathe the sight of roasted
sparrow tails;
A side of beans is what I want
the most.
Oh, bring me just a plate of
homely beans!
The kind my Lesbia has al
ways bought me;
Go and pick some dandelion
greens,
For that’s the lesson that
Mycenas taught me.
—Harvard Lampoon.
ADVERTISEMENT.
How to buildup your
Weight
TO be under weight often
proves low fighting-power in
the body. It often means you are
minus nerve-power, minus red
cells in your
f blood, minus
/ yM \ health, minus
| vj I I vitality. It is
I & r-i n / ser * ous to be
\ /a wmr Jn * nus » but
! Hz' the moment
you increase
sS the number
of your red
blood-cells, you begin to become
plus. That’s why S. S. S., since
1826, has meant to thousands of
underweight men and women, a
plus in their strength. Your body
fills to the point of power, your
flesh becomes firmer, the age lines
that come from thinness disap
pear. You look younger, firmer,
happier, and you feel it, too, all
over your body. More red-blood
cells! S. S. S. will build them.
kS. S. S. is sold at all good
drug stores in two sizes. The
larger sire is more economical.
!C Worlds Best
1.0.wL ffiloodMedidne <
LIVER LAZY?
Lacy livers are sometimes overworked,
with* resultant disordered condition. You
can keep them active and healthy by taking
PLANTKNS
'SSPMILL'
- In Capsules
for all Uver and kidney trouble, bladder ail
mentajand an excess of nrio acid in theeya
tem. Relieves promptly. Look for a “Moi
Mill” on the package. Take no other
At all leading druggists. Trial sise 90 cents
H. PLANTEN & SON, 100.. BROOKLYN. N.Y
Sold by Peoples and O'Dunneli’s ,
Drug Stores.