The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, December 31, 1923, Image 11

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The Washington times. [volume], December 31, 1923, Image 11
About The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939

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The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]), 31 Dec. 1923. Chronicling America: Historic American Newspapers. Lib. of Congress. <https://chroniclingamerica.loc.gov/lccn/sn84026749/1923-12-31/ed-1/seq-11/>

Newspaper Page Text

THE NEW
FOOTBALL AGE
By Nat N. Dorfman.
THE old-fashioned , football
games are gone forever.
Once no game was com
plete unless most of the players
were injured. The team that lost
Usually sent in the most ambu
lance cglls. Now the only ones
Injured are those seated behind
posts and pillars and speculators
Who get stuck with big blocks of
tickets.
. In the old days you could tell
a football player’s love for his
alma mater by the number of
ears he was willing to sacrifice
for his college. And when he lost
'em both in the scuffle his only
regret was that he had but two
ears to give for his university.
Now his only regret is he hasn’t
more earmuffs to give!
\ The way the players dress to
day you don’t know whether it’s
to scare the other fellows or do
a costume picture for a film.
Once the quarterback used to
give his signals in a low tone so
the opposing players wouldn't
hear them. Nowadays they yell
the numbers out so loud the tele
phone operators sitting in the
grandstand automatically answer:
'•Wrong number!” or "Line busy!”
The casualty lists used to be so
large many, an obituary notice
used to be paid for in advance by
doting parents before game time.
And if the loved one escaped
alive- they used to go through
with the wake anyhow because
the caterer refused to take a can
cellation on less than twenty -
four hours’ notice! Now the only
•ure casualty is the cheer leader
Who emerges with a sore -throat!
t If you’ve ever listened to a col
lege yell you can get a fairlv
good idea of what transpires
down In Washington when Con
gress is in session. The only
one who knows what it's all
about is thfe cheer leader and he
can’t find out, because, the fellow
Who wrote it used a false monick
•r. After writing a college yell
the best thing any man can do in
Justice to himself is to commit
hari-kari, change his name or de
deny It.
WE WONDER
If a diVorce lawyer reads the
marriage column first.
Why these fellows who swim
the English Channel don’t take a
ferry boat over.
If inspectors for the highways
prefer to walk.
If that time when the sun’s
eclipse occurred Pittsburgh knew
anything about It.
If a bass singer is a tenor with
a cold.
If it isn't a sign of social infe
riority to wear a collar and neck
tie.
If a profiteer wouldn’t love to
\eharge rent for the poorhouse.
Why poets don’t turn night
watchmen Instead of sleeping in a
garret.
If the fellow who makes out
race track dope sheets is any
relative to the weather man.
ADVERTISEMENT?
BEWARE THE
GOUGH OR COLD
THONGS ON
Chronic Coughs and Persist
ent Colds Lead to Serious
Lung Trouble. You Can
Stop Them Now With Creo
mulsion, an Emulsified
‘ Creosote That Is Pleasant
to Take.
Creomulsion Is a new medical dis
covery with twofold action; it
•oothes and heals the inflamed
membranes and kills the germ.
Os all known drugs, Creosote is
recognized by the medical frater
nity as the greatest healing agency
for the treatment of chronic coughs
and colds and other forms of throat
and lung troubles. Creomulsion con
tains, in addition to creosote, other
healing elements which soothe and
heal the inflamed membrane and
•top the irritation and inflamma
tion, while the creosote goes on to
the stomach, is absorbed into the
blood, attacks the seat of the
trouble and destroys the germs that
lead to consumption.
Creomulsion is guaranteed satis
factory In the treatment of chronic
coughs and colds, bronchial asth
ma. catarrhal bronchitis and othei
forms of throat and lung diseases
and is excellent for building up th<
system after colds or the flu
, Money refunded If any cough 01
cold, no matter of how long stand
tag, is not relieved after taking
according to directions. Ask youi
druggist. Creomulsion Co., Atlanta
Georgia. x
SO THIS IS MARRIED LIFE X,Zere
/l‘M Auu EXCJTEi \ • »T BE *JONhWL>U Aya. NOVM KITTIE.“ \ / WMM.tAR SENDEE. / aC&W
. 1 » bHOVMEU Rlu \/CAN''t WOU feEE. the. ’ MSVEN* THE. ONLW 1 / OUG-HT To KNOW I .' PEOF»UBSj
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C THE- \ \TO PRiEND. »T STfgA'GMT'/ \ tNG POE T ME. AU T MOR ) ’ ? VMRQTL T MAT FOOL '\ HEATER,' CALL . M \\lp UU THE-
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POLLY AND HER PALS By Cliff Sterrett
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JUST KIDS ■ / . \ ' By Ad Carter
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\ e>o7s a happy Neui" I FoR A MiMure ij - this piAce om account ( , ’3r* J
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THE WASHINGTON TIMES ’ * The National Daiiy • » MONDAY, DECEMrfS?%J923.
COUNT TEN
BEFORE
Pawning a two dollar WB.
Expecting to get insured tt
you're a pedestrian.
Practicing the cornet In the
woods during the hunting Mason.
Taking your wife to a prise
fight.’ She might get a few
pointers.) '
Accepting an auto ride from a
real estate agent.
Playing "tick tack toe" on your
mother-in-law’s linen tablecloth. 1
/ >
Wearing spiked shoes to J
dance. • ’ fl
Leaning on the bell when you
kiss your sweetie good-night.
Carrying a pet moth around In
your overcoat pocket.
JEST IN FUN
-- .. / ..
-If you can get nothing else
over the radio you can get
fretted over it.
Even If the engine of your au
tomobile doesn't knock, It’s a
safe bet that some of the rela
tives that you take for a ride do.
A Congressman has just re
turned from Europe and has al
ready become world famous. He
Is the only one who didn't at
tempt to say what was the mat
ter with IL
Divorces are becoming so com
mon nowadays those seeking It
wait for the day when there is
a dearth of news In the papers
of a similar nature before filing
theirs.
All Europe is dancing to our
jazz music, says a dispatch. W«
knew there was something In the
air over there that is compelling
disrespect of America.
The fellow who has to express
his love for a girl In poetry al
ready has the house furnishings
picked out for him.
Hadn’t Met the Gentleman
"Have you seen the new comp
troller, dearie?"
"No, you see there .are so many
new automobile accessories on
the market that I don’t get a
chance to keep track of all of
them."
!32 BULGARIAN STUDENTS
EXPELLED FROM VIENNA
LONDON, Dec. 31.—The Bulgar
Jan communist leader Harlakoffan,
hirty-two students have been ex
pelled from Vienna by the Austriai
police on suspicion they were plot
ting to assassinate M. Stoiloff, th<
Bulgarian ambassador, said a Cen
tral News dispptch from Vienn.
, today.
PNEUMONIA
■ S* 11 ■ P h y® cian - Then begin
emergency" treatment with
VISITS
Don’t Suffer
From Neuritis
Eop* Neuritis Tablets Give Prompt
Result*
Get rid of your pains and aches sot
good by restoring the weak, inflamed
nerves to sound condition. Medicinei
containing narcotics, bromides or coal
tar product* will not help yon. Thej
j merely relievo for the moment, and theii
use is always Injurious.
I Procure a bottle of Sopa Neurttii
1 Tablets from any good druggist and tak<
according to directiona. You will b«
surprised at the results, almost from
the very start. Pain, soreneas and In
flammation will usually disappear In th«
shortest possible time under th* sooth
ing, healing influence of-thls wonderfully
effective treatment.
Eopa Neuritis Tablets ar* guaranteed
to be absolutely harmless—free from
narcotics and heart-depressing drugs
They go to the very source of th* dis
ease and help to remove it in * safe,
natural way. Endorsed by many leading
physicians. Price, 11.90. Sold in Wash
ington by Peoples Drug Stores and all
other leading druggists.
Boericke & Runyon Co.,
Mfrs., San Francisco.
Rely on Cuticura
To Clear Away
Skin Troubles
URIC ACID
Foo much uric acid means various forms at
rheumatism, inflammations in the joints
ind consequent pains and aches. Drive
that excess uric acid out of your blood by
taking regularly th* old reliable
PLAMTSN’S
Capsules
(t dissolves the uric acid, cleanses th* sys
tem and leaves you without pain or acne,
Look for th* "Red Mill" trademark on every
package. Take no other. At all loading
druggists. Trial sis* 90 cents.
H. PLANTEN A SON, BROOKLYN, N. V.
Sold by Peoples and O’Donnell’s
Drug Stores. V

The Washington times. [volume], December 31, 1923, Image 11
About The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939

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The Washington times. [volume], December 31, 1923, Image 11 About The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939

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The Washington times. [volume], December 31, 1923, Image 11
About The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939