With The I
Alibi Artists
A Cross Section of the
Daily Grind in Judge
Mattingly’s Court k
Read ’Em and. Weep.
By DONALD MeDOUGAL.
” Orders Solid Diet.
"I admit my client was drunk, 1 1
, but that's a thing that's likely to
happen to anyone, I've been ~j
drunk myself.". < '‘'.’i
“I know da— er— I know you
haye.'* '
"But not very often. I’ve lived
to be eighty years old and I've
•«»ly been drunk three times."
"I know that, too. Ton were
drunk (whispering to himself, like
We say 'thirty days has Septem
ber*) three in eight goes twice
with two over and a zero;, three *
goes inter twenty six times with j
two and twoithirda over-hang
these mathematical cases—(aloud,
desperately) each drunk lasted
twenty years."
"Quite right, your honor. I .
had the same complaint as Rip
Van Winkle, bnly I had it worse.”
"Yes, he woke up. Your client
is fined ISO on his plea of guilty
to driving while drunk."
"A jolt like that should wake
him up pretty thoroughly, your i
honor. I
I "I’ve got another kind that'll I
I put him to sleep for six months
if he comes in here again. What's
that he's saying?”
"He say The doesn’t like the
dreams that come with that kind
of sleep, your honor.”
“Tell him to chew his food."
A Backfire. ~ I
"I paced him on Benning road
from Twenty-eighty street to the
bridge last night about 10 o'clock,
your honor. My speedometer
registered 36 most of the way."
"The officer must have made a
"Oh, yes; the police are always j
wrong. They bring cases in here
so they won’t have to go home
and wash up after coming off
poet. What did this one do?" • j
“He mutt have got the wrong i
car. I was only going fifteen
miles an hour."
"I never saw a defendant yet j
■ that wasn’t.going fifteen miles an
hour. It’s a very sedate and
popular pace. It’s what we call
witness-box speed. Did you have
a speedometer?"
"Yes, sir—but it doesn't work."
"That must be a great comfort
to you. How much collateral did |
you put up?”
"Fifty dollars, your honor."
"I’ll give you back half of it."
The clerk: "He only put up $40.”
"Give him back ten."
The Next Step.
"About 11 o’clock Monday night
I was running down North Cap
itol street and at Massachusetts
avenue the defendant passed in
front of me, going east in a
Black and White - taxi.
"The way he sizzled past me,
your honor, he reminded me of
a gtounder I saw last Friday, and
I started to yell, but my throat
was too sore. He only needed
two wheels going around “the
Union Station plaza, and for
quite a stretch toward First
street, he didn’t need any. If
his fenders had been a little
wider he wouldn’t have to go
ground the plaza—he could have i
hurdled the fountain, I think, i
He slowed down to something i
like twenty-five miles when he
turned into Third street, and I
got him ■■*'
"You .stopped the grounder at
third. How fast was he going
when he took off at the plaza?”
"He was doing thirty most of
the way."
The court: "Well, young man?” I
Boob: "I was only going "
. Both: "Fifteen miles an hour.” |
The court: "And $20.”
BOY SHOOTS PLAYMATE
WHILE PLAYING SOLDIER I
PHILADELPHIA, Oct. 16.—Play
ing soldier in the home of Michael
Koch, twelve years tod. at No. 2032
North Sixth street, Edward Ober
holtzer, the same age, of No. 2103 I
North FairhUl street, received a bul- j
'let wound from a revolver in the
hands of the former boy.
At the Stetson Hospital it is said I
his condition is net critical. The |
police sent the Koch lad to the I
House of Detention. ’ |
. LOSES SUIT AGAINST
SCIENTISTS CHURCH I
BOSTON, Oct. 16.—An injunction I
asked for by William H. Taylor, I
of New York City, a member of I
the First Church of Christ. Scien- I
tlst, to prevent the Directors of I
the Mother Church from proceed
ing with a hearing to determine
Taylor’s standing as a member
was refused by Judge Carroll ’ of
the Supreme Court, who held that
the Court should not interfere so I
long as Mr. Taylor was given a |
fair opportunity to be heard.
oochi nun I
rob mii mt
Dub Stiffness Away With Small!
Trial Bottle of Old St. Jacobs Oil I
Stop drugging! Rub soothing
Jacobs Oil right in i
to your sore, stiff, |
aching joints, and
relief comes m- I
stantly. st. Jacobs
Oil is a harmless |
rheumatism 11 nl
- which never |
disappoints and can-'
not burn the skin.
Get a 36 cent bot
tle of St. Jacobs
Oil at any drug
store, and in a mo
ment you’ll be free
from pain, soreness
and stiffness. In
use for 65 years for
rheumatism, sciat
ica, neuralgia, lum- I
sprains. . . I
penetrating St.
i
bago, backache,
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THE WASHINGTON TIMBIS • • The National, Daily • • THURSDAY, OCTOBER 16,1924. ’
13