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- V 2 ' — sj®E 4 m 1 1/ ■ > D i';-? '4 --S NO. 35. MIDDLETOWN, NEW CASTLE COUNTY, DELAWARE, SATURDAY MORNING, AUGUST 29, 1874. VOL. VII. geleit floßira. MBS. HAMLET'S SOLILIQDY. BY IMOKNK. To vole or not to vote?—that is the question ; Whether * tis nobler to forego the suffrage And hear the ai r Or take arms against our And, by opposing, end them? To live—to wed— No more? Aud by a marriage say we end The heartache, only lo W orae Not for Joseph, if the Court herself doth know ; Aud that she «loth is most indubitable. To vote—to act ! of outrageous fortune, 's troubles, •gt* the little ills heir to? 'Tis a consummation •t, perchance, n farce ; Ï ny •for by this act what fight may There's the rub come crinoline? have shuffle«! off When This makes That makes cab •; this, too, is the respect ity ot Woman's suffrage ; ould bear the kicks and cuffs ot men. i 1 For wh fists, our lords' c d the law's delay, , and their spurns rough loafers take, t utnely, The oppressor' Assault and buttery, The insolence of bummer That patient w When, to void it she should stay at home .* her bodkin? Wheti would muskets Ml IV Aud clinnk-'s life, sweat under a < >r jrr Hut tor the pleasures of etnuniipati The rich Uolcondu, from whose gaping jaws The flesh-pots yawn iu tantalising plenty? Hut there's the after-clap!—this puzzles the will, H ikes us rather bear the. ills we have fly to the horrid inexpressibles. •ardic* makes babies of us all, r petti d suffrage resolutions o'er with the pale cast of fear; isc of glorious bullot-stuffling • suffering sex Dare not imbibe tho soul-inspiring rye nd action. Tl Th And icrp Musi finie, Select ^tory. THE NEW PUPIL. " Oh, girls! I shall just die, I know I ■shall ! " rxelaimed Belle Burnett, going •oil into an hysterical fit of laughter, which «lie vainly tried to smother behind an ele gant lace-edged handkerchief " What is it, you provking thing? Why dou't you tell us, so we can laugh »too ? " " Well—you—see," she gasped out at lust, " wu'vo got a now pupil, the queerest lookiug thing you ever saw. I happened 4o be in Madam's room when she arrived. She came in the stage, and had a mite of nn old-fashioned hair trunk, not much bigger than a band-box, and she came in to Madam's room with a funny little bas ket in her hand, aud sat down us if she had come to stay forever. She said 'Are you Madam Gazie ? ' * Yes,' she replied, • that is my name.' ' Well, I've cotue to stay a year at your school.' And then she pulled hor handkerchief out of her basket, and unrolled it until she came to an old leather wallet, and actually took out two hundred aud fifty dollars aud laid it iu Madam's hand, saying, ' That is just the am uut, l believe; will you please give me a receipt for it?' You never saw Madam ho surprised. She actually didn't know what to say for a minute; but she receipt, asked a few questions, and hud her taken to No 10, and there she ip now, this very minute." " Well, what was there so funny about all that?" " Why, this: she has red hair tucked iuto a black net, and looks just like a fright every way. She had ou a brown delaine dress, without a sign of a ruftte or trimming of any kiud, und the shabbiest hat and shawl you ever saw. You'll laugh, too, when you see her." Belle Burnette was an only child, and her wealthy father was pleased to gratify hor every whim. So, besides being fur too elegantly dressed for a school girl, she was supplied with plenty of pocket money, and being very generous and full of life and fun, she was the acknowledged leader among Madam's pupils. When the tea bell rang, the new-comer was escorted into the dining-room, and in troduced to her schoolmates as Miss Fan nie Comstock. She had exchanged her brown delaine fora plain calioo dress, with a bit of white edging about the neck. Sbo did look rather queer, with her small, thin, freckled face, aud her red hair brushed straight back from her face, aud hidden as much us possible under a large black net, and but for the presence of Madam her first reception would haxe been exceeding ly unpleasant. She was shy and awk ward, and evidently ill at ease among so many strangers. As soon us possible she hastened back to the seclusion of her owu gave her room The next day she was examined, aud assigned to her place in the different clashes, and, to the surprise of all, she was far in advance of those of her age.— But th \m did not awaken the respect of her schoolmates, us it should have done. On tbe contrary, Belle Burnette aud her especial friends were highly incensed about it, aud at ouce commenced a series of petty auuoyances, whenever it was safe to do it, which kept poor Fannie miserable indeed, although she seemed to take no notice of it. A few weeks paused by.— Her lessous were always perfectly recited She made no complaint of tho slights and eueers of her companions, but kept out of their way as much as possible. Her thin face grew paler, however, and there were durk rings about her eyes A watchful friend would have seen that all these things were wearing cruelly upon her young life. Oue Saturday the very spirit of wickedness seemed let loose amoug thom. Madam was away ; the other teuchers were busy in their owu rooms.— Fannie had been out for a walk, and was ueur the door of her room when a dozen or more of the girls surrounded her, clasping bands together so she was a prisoner in their rnid&ft. For a luomct she begged piteously to be released, but they only I I laughed the more, and began going around and around, singing something which just Belle had eomposed—cruel, miserable, iu suiting words Shu stood for an instant pale and still ; then with a piercing cry fine sbo burst through the ring, and rushing join into her room closed and locked the door, Through their wild peals of laughter the girls heard a strauge inoan and heavy fro fall. nie "I believe she has fainted," said Belle. " What shall wo do," said another. For u moment they stood there, sober enough ; then otie of them ran for tho matron and told Htr that Fannie Comstock had fainted in her room, and the door was locked. She had a long ladder put to the win dow, and sent the janitor to see if it »rue and in a few moments he had unlocked ; tle in, " tile 'US Fortunately the window as open. an the door from the inside Tho girls were huddled together in a frightened group, while Madam lifted the poor girl and laid her upon the bed spasms. The doctor was sent for, but when the spasms ceased alarming symp toms set in, and he pronounced it a serious case of brain fever. It is impossible to tell the shame aud remorse of the consci ence-stricken girls. They were not brave enough to confess their guilt, but hung around the sick room offering their servi ces, vainly wishing that they might atone for it in some way. But their presence only oxcifed the poor sufferer, so they were all sent away Day after day passed and still she raved in violent delirium.— The little hair trunk was searched, to find some clew to Iter friends, but there was nothing iu it but the plainest, scantiest supply of clothes. Day after day the doc tor came, looking grave and anxious, and at last the crisis came For many hours she lay as if dead, and not a noise was permitted to disturb the awful silence while they waited to see if she would live or die. At last she opened her and the suspense was relieved by suring word from the doctor, that with careful nursing she would soon he well again. Hut her convalescence was «low and tedious after all. Her former tormentors dared not speak of what they had done, but they sent daily little bouquets of fragrant flowers, or fruit and other delicacies to tempt her returning appetite. Her eyes would light up with surprise und pleasure at the little gifts. Amidst all her wild ravings not a word of complaint, at the ill-treatment she had received ever escaped her lips One day Madam was sitting by her side, and as she seemed to be so much strong er, she ventured to ask after her friends. " I have no friends, Madain ; only cousin John, who has a large family of his own, and has never cared for me.— Mother died whuu I was born, step-mother, but father died five years ago, uud I've takeu care of myself ever since." " And you are only fifteen 11 " Yes, ma'am." " How did you ever get the money to pay for a years board and tuition here? " " I earned it nil, Madam, every cent of it. As soon as l was big enough I weut into a factory, and earned two dollars a week at first, and, finally, three and a half, and I worked for my board nights and tnoruiugs " " Poor child ! " " Oh no, ma'am. I was very glad to do it." " But how diil you keep aloug so well with you studies ? " " l used to fix a book open on the loom, where l could catch a sentence now and thou, and the overseer, did not object, be cause l always did my work well. You see, Madam, I want to be a teacher some time, anil I knew I'd have a better chance to learn here t hau auy where else, so l just determined to do it." " What are your plans for tho long va cation ! " " l must go back to the factory and earn enough to get some warmer clothes for the winter. You see Madam, why l cant't afford to dress better." Madam's heart was full. She bent over the white, thin little face and kissed it revereutly That evening, when the girls gathered in the chapel for worship, she told Fan nie's story. The moment that Madam fin ished, Belle Burnette sprang up, with the tears pouring down her cheeks. " Oh, Madam ! We have been awfully cruel and wicked to that poor girl have made fun of her from the first, and she would never have been sick as she was if we had uot tormented her almost to death I was the most to blame; it was 1 that led on the rest, and we have suffer ed terribly all these weeks, fearing she might die. You tnay expel me, or puuisli me any way you please, for I deserve it ; aud I shall go down on my knees to ask her pardon, as soon ns you will let me see her." SI was iu violcut yo te I a in; eyes ; I hail a of ? " of " My child, I am shocked to hear this ! I cau scarcely believe that any of my pu of pils would ill-treat a companion becauso she was so unfortunate as to be plain und poor. But you have made a noble confes sion, and I forgive you as freely as I be lieve she will, when sbo knows how truly you have repeuted of your unkiuduess." By degrees, as she was able to hear it, one after another went to Fannie and beg ged her forgiveness, which was freely granted. She said, " I dont wonder you made fun of me. I know I was poorly dressed, and awfully homely. I would have pulled every hair out of my head years ago, only I knew it would grow in again as red as over But, oh ! if I could I have felt I had just ono friend among you We a ly I could buvq borge it; but, somehow, it you all turu just broke ny heart to ha against iue." After this she gained rapidly, and one fine morning tho doctor said shu might join the girls iu the drawhig-room for an hour before : 0 a There had beeu a vast deal of whispering and hurrying to und fro of late, among the girls, ot which Fuu nie had been totally unconscious in the quie' seclusion of her room At the appointed time Madam bet came to usai it her, and, leaning upon her strong arm, the young girl walked feebly through tlu long hall, and down the An ly cle. ble ot up in to If stairs " My de:»*, the girls have planned a lit tle surprise for you. to make the hour as pleasant a possible She op« tnd the door, seated Fannie iu easy «hair, and the girls came gliding in, with smiling faces, singing 11 beautiful song of welcome At its close, Belle Bur nett approached and pluoed a beautiful wreath of fl»wots upon her head, saying ; " Dear Fan lie, we crown you queeu to day. knowii g well how f: arc iu 11 is Mglit Who looketli upou tile heart instead of the outward appear ance You have taught us a lesson we Forget, and we heg you to no te k* 11 of sincere love and repen tance for our treatment of you in the past, room on your an above us all yo shall never eept hieb you will find in your relu » eyes were full of tears, and she say a fe Fan 1 fords in reply, hut not her tried to for her, and, after Madam spol song, they ! row tied fed their ewl foil c dining-room, where ist was laid, iu honor as quietly, tearfully queen to tli most if the Ptmg fe te iccasion gli it all, yet su wearied with happy throu the unusual excitement that Madam said she must not seo the girls' " Peace Offer hut night. The first thing she saw ng was a fine large trunk, " For Miss in; he next and lying upon it a card Fannie Comstock, from her teachers and Having opened it. she f neatly-folded ut she had no time to exam ine its contints until after breakfast, when they left her alone with her wonderful gift sacques, a fine new gloves and ribbons, cuffs and collars, un dergarment! in abumla thing which sibly need. Every one of Madam's two huudred and ten pupils had contributed from her choicest aud best, to furnish a plete outfit for their less favored 111 a to. At the very bottom was a well filled writ ing-desk, an album containing all their pictures, and a pretty purse containing five dollars, and the following note from Mad ehool-mati packed full saw it wtt The were pretty dresses and hat and parasol, :e—indeed !«y 1 girl could p«s ehi a young ful is iu My Dean Child —This shall be eeipt iu full for all expenses, during what ever time you may choose to remain in the seminary, which l present to you us a sin cere tokeu c|f my love and respect Jeanette Gazin They found her at dinuer-tiine on the floor, surrounded by hor new treasures, crying like a baby ; but it did her good Situ was soqn able to resume her studies, r afterward treated with kind ness aud consideration, even though all her hair came out aud left her head as bald as her face, so she had to wear a queer cap like wig for many weeks When the long vacation arrived, Belle carried her off to her beautiful home ou tbe Hudson, where, for the first time in her life, she was sur sounded with beauty and luxury on every side, and was treated as a loved aud hon ored guest. It hateful wig was east aside, and Fannie's head was covered with a profusion of dark auburn curls, which were indeed a crown of glory that made her pi «in face almost beautiful Geutle, laving, aud beloved by all, hIic remained in the semiuary until she gradu ated with honor, after which Madain of fered her die position of head teacher, with a mist liberal salary, which she gratefully accepted. a re of to iu ly uud was ev not long before the Resisting tbe Evil One. At a camp-meeting uot long ago a mail, clad in a thin linen suit, seated himself 011 one of the riekity benches beside a fat man who occupied a full one-third of the con cern fat mail aro linen sudde iu the services were ended the Be, and the gentleman in thin nly began twistiug about iu a surprising manner, while bu oouutcuancc was signiiiiuut of mortal anguish. His actious attracted the atteutiou of some of the brethren, aud one of them, a solemu visaged individual, who looked us though he had jus swallowed a pill, approached the writhing body, and laid his hand on the man's shoulder aud said "Brother, if you are res sting the promptings of tho Evil One, itrivc manfully, and you will triumph at last. Remember Jacob wrestled with the angel, and—" "I dunno but ho did," interrupted the agonized man: "but if Jacob hud the seat of his trowsers Wh a u and a little of his meat caught in a con demned crack he wouldn't feel like raslin' with an angel or any other oritter!" Oue who makes human nature his study says that when a girl takes her handker chief and moistening it with her lips, wipes a black spot off a young mail's uose, a wed ding between the parties is inevitable. A good viruy to restore a man apparent ly drowned is to first dry him thoroughly, inside and out, and then clap a speaking trumpet to bis ear and iuform him that his mother-in-law is dead. the tian ed ion, THE ISLAND OF ICELAND. An Interesting Sketch of IU Htatoijr and of it« People. The cclubration of the one thousandth anniversary of the settlement of Iceland naturally bring? that, country prominent ly before the world. The island of Icelaud lies between lati tude 6*d deg. 25 min. and 66 deg 30 tuiu. north, and no part of it is, therefore, more than two miles beyond the arctic cir cle. West of Greenwich it stretches from longitude 13 deg. 38 min. to 24 deg. 40 w»iu.; or, to simply convert' degrees and minutes into Euglish statute miles, it is, from its extreme west point, 306 miles long, while from north to south it is 188 miles broad. It is, however, the most ir regular of all islands. Its deep, narrow inlets, or fiords, cut it up into a series of peninsulas, and. notwithstanding that its length aud breadth arc greater than Ire land, its actual area scarcely exceeds 30. OUU squaiu miles. At one point it is only four miles und a half wide. Physically considered, it is one of the most remarka ble islands in the world. It is nothing but a nest of volcanoes. It has no strati fied rock of any kind, and is a simple mass ot once molten matter that bad bubbled up out of the sea, and after cooling off had taken on an Aretio snow oap as if for pro tection Nothing can possibly exceed the rugged grandeur of its scenery. The clefts in the enormous beds of ouce fluid lava are of the most picturesque and startling description. Its rivets are formed from the melting suouç of the mountains and are very numerous and beautiful. Then waterfalls seem to keep the air in one con tinuous hum of dashing spray. The whole interior is but one vast desert waste, for the most part so elevated above the sea that the snows never melt, Surroundiug this desert, where volcanic fires from time to time burst forth in the midst of bound loss frost, there is a belt of land overlook ing the sea on which grows in places a vegetation of considerable luxuriance.— Formerly there were other trees, but the climate has grown colder and the trees have diminished into more bushes Flow ering plants are, however, abundant, and there is plenty of gçass for herds of cattle and flocks of sheep, and a population of from sixty to severity thousand find fortable subsistence, partly from their pas toral life, partly from fishing, which, espe cially on the north side of the island, is abundant and profitable aud in lion of and him of and ly nor by al er in a As fur the interior parts of the island, there have been there eighty-six volcanic eruptions—some of them the most wonder ful known in any part of the world—since the island first inhabited. Of these twenty-six have been from Ilecla, which is at yll times crossed by fissures from which stone and sulphurous vapors are emitted. The last eruption of Ilecla was iu 1845-46 was tha: of Skaptar J ok nil. in 1793, when not only vast streams of lava desolated the adjacent country, but whole farms were buried in ashes, clouds of which were wafted by the winds as far away as the Shetland Islands. It seems The most destructive of all surprising that such an islaud should be peopled ; but the truth is, the inhabitants seem fond of their homes, and cannot be persuaded to quit them. The last proof of this is found in the fact that very few of them emigrate to other countries. The island itself has a peculiarly interesting history iu connection with the achieviuents of the old Northmen who found there a refuge from the tyrauny of Harold Haariager, King of Norway, who having conquered the minor Kings, or jarls, of Norway, forced them to buuishmcnt or submission, tbe former of which alternatives many of them accepted, preferring freedom in an island bristling with volcauoes to their na tive homes with tyranny and oppression. The first settlers iu Iceland were, there fore, the best people in all Norseland.— Many of them were actual kings. Aban doning their warlike habits they became peaceful, and cultivated learning. In time they became the most learned peo ple of the north of Europe, aud the dis tinction they then acquired has not yet been lost, although the people have clear ly degenerated; inst« ad of the vigorous, hard-headed, hard-fisted sons of Vikings and Sea-kings that they were in olden times, they are now rather a puny, indo lent race, without thinking much of im provement or of energy. They have, in deed, become diminutive iu stature aud dwarfed iu intellect since tbe days of Erie with the Red Maud, who discovered Greenland, and of Snorro, who wrote the Edda. to ly iu as They care little for luxuriös, since they seek for uothiug beyond what nature yields. "Having food aud raiment, let us be therewith content." Yet, for all theii peaceful disposition, they ouce bud a religious war. Their republican govern ment was founded in 874, uuder the old religion of Odin, who taught that "to ride u horse and cast a spear and bend a bow" was the chief end and aiui of man. Chris tianity was introduced, aud the cross took the plaee of the gods Thor and Odin in the year 1,000, but there was no particular hostility manifested until the time of the Reformation, in the sixteenth century Then, as was the custom elsewhere, Cath olics and Protestants killed each other promiscuously aud in all possible ways. Thu Protestants iu the end triumphed,ami the prevailing religion has since that beeu tbe State religion of Dcumark. Even now the Cath lie mission at Reykjavik does not flourish, because places of publie worship arc prohibited unless they are of the established religion. It was in 1261 that the sovereignty of ti the republio jassed over to HakoD, then King of Norway. It was done through Marbury, and never since bas Iceland been entirely free until uow, when King Chris tian IX, gives the people a free constitu tion. The Norwegian crown being annex ed to that of Denmark by the Calmor un ion, Iceland became Danish and was much fleeced by the Crown up to 1776. The trade with English merchants was, how ever, during pirts of this period, quite ex tensive brought clothing and bread dried fish. Thej aud took away In later day» the island has not been without certain political convultions. A pirate named Gilpiu stole all their money in 1808, and one Jorgensin set up a rebel lion there against the established authority of the King and his one policeman, cap tured the island, issued proclamations, and did not desist in his rebellious pur poses until a it an-of-war came and carried him oft'. He igures largely in modern Icelandic history as a patriot of the first water. He would free Iceland of the Danish Crown and claim himself protector of Iceland and Commander-in-chief by sea and land, even assuming the power to "make war and conclude peace with foreign potentates" utn il a fair constitution was established by the people. Fortunately, perhaps, for tiis same people, this self saorificing dictator did not suooeed in his designs, for, now, they will have a free constitution without any fighting and any dictator. They have free ?y are not growing absolute re at least happy and envy I have seen no Icelander 1 without trade,and if th ly rich, they c nobody else, who ever cared to leave his owu country, nor who, having left it, did uot wish soon as possible to get back. as » Ancient Wonders of the World. 1st, The brass Colossus of Rhodes, 120 feet high, built by Cares, A D. 288, oc cupying twelve years iu making. It stood across the harbor of Rhodes 66 years, and down by an earthquake. It was bought from the Suracetis by a Jew, who loaded ÜUÜ camels with the brass. was thr< 2nd. The pyra gest engaged ids of Egypt. The lar 260,060 workmen thirty years in building, and has uow stood at least three thousand years. 3d. The Aqueducts of Rome, iu vented by Appius Cli udius the censor. 4th The La byrinth ef Psammetichus, on the banks ofthb Nile, containing withiuonc continued wall 1,600 houses, aud 12 roy al palaces, all covered with marble und having but one entrance. The building was said to contain 3,000 chambers and a marble adorned with the gods. baros of Alexandria, a tow er built by order of Ptolemy Philadelphus, in the year 381, B. C It was erected as a light house and contained magnificent galleries of marble—a large lantern at the top, the light of which was seen nearly a hundred mile» off—mirrors of enormous sizes were fixed aruuud the galleries re flecting everything on the sea. A com tow erected iu its place, alls ot Babylon, built by or is, or Nebuchadnezzar, and year by 200,000 They were of immense thickness. 7th. The ti hall built of statues of tbe 5th. The P mon tower is 6th. The w der of Sein irai: finished in on« 1 men - tuple of Diana, at Ephesus, completed iu the reign of Servius 9th, king of Rome. It was 450 feet long, 200 broad, and supported by 129 marble pil lars, 70 feet long The beams and doors were of cedar, the rest of the timber cy press. It was destroyed by fire B. 0. 265. i( Busted." The following conversation is reported to a Macon paper as having occurred be tweeu two colored men, who were recent ly discussing the collapse of the Freed man's Bank : " Busted ? exclaimed an old, bewil dered fellow, who had placed some money iu the institution ; you don't gwan' tole me dat Freed 's Bank busted ? " " Yes " Done, ele " Yes." Evidently t(ic old man couldn't under sed deeply and sadly, and with a last, sorrowful look into the but vacant room, turned away muttering as he went : " Dat's what always makes me 'spise a bank." it's goue up ! " an gone ? " stand it. lie open The Hartford Courant is a model of geutle humility, aud says. "We regret to say jealousy has Visen in the breasts of the Hill trout fishers in regard to the alleged catch of a twenty pound trout by Mr. Samuel G. Dunham in the Adirondaeks. ï requested to make a trifling cor rection in our statement. The fish was a lake trout, wlich fact was left to be infer red It weighed only fifteen pounds It was not caught by Mr Dunham. We will make auy other corrections desired." We A Paisley printer, afflicted with the "lust infirmily of noble minds," forsook his trade to share in the glories of Nelson Soon after he was afloat he was, one black, stormy night ordered aloft, fellow, instead of at ouce throwing himself into the shrouds, looked up io wild dis may to the officer, and exclaimed, " Od, man. it wad be a tempting of Providence ng up there on sic a night." The poor ti • I don't conn try man, face at oue of ice any towel here." said a roeuutly, after washing his the drinking fountains. 7®Iit and Humor. Not Cheap Enough. Johnny Blaine, who manipulates the drugs in C. C. Lloyd's "shotecary pop," was startled the other day by a dark ob ject which appeared in the doorway, and inquired : * 4 Is dis de concaru whar dey sell med icura fer sick folks ? ' "It is," replied the polite dispenser of life saving apparatus. "How mach you ax?" asked the sen of Ham. "That depends upon what you want," responded J. B. "What you ax fer a dose?" "A doce of what ?" "Well, sumpin like calmoral, rhuberb and oraenriek frowed aroun' togedder," answered the eulightened Civil lligbter. "Ten cents," responded the man of drugs. "Ten cents!" screamed the astonished hen-roost professor, as he grasped the doorpost fer support. "Ten cents! I golly, boss, I kin git it cheaper dau dat !" and he "faded away like a beautiful dream."— Newtown Record. a It to to he at It Wasn't a Joke. 1 happened to call at Brown's the other morning, on my way down town, and as 1 knew them well I entered the side door without kuockiug. I was shocked to find Mr. Brown prostrate on the floor, while Mrs. Brown sat ou his chest, and rum bled among his hair, as she bumped his head on the boards, and scolded him vig orously. They rose when 1 came in and Brown, as he wiped the blood from his uose, tried to pretend that it was oulv a joke. But Mrs. Brown interrupted him : "Joke? Joke! I should think not! I was giving him a dressing down, wanted to have family prayers before breakfast, aud I was determined to have them afterward, and as he threw the Bi ble at me, and hit Mary Jane with the hymn-book, 1 soused dowu ou him. If I cau't rule this house I'll know the reason why. Pick up them Scriptures, and have prayers! You here me, Brown! It's more trouble regulatin' the piety of this family than ruuuiu' a saw mill. Mary Jane, give your pa that hymn-book.— Max Alder. He Didn't Kiss Her. A gentleman who has been reoently traveling in the lower oouuties tells us the following amusing story ; He was stop ping over night at a house where the par tition wall, were particularly thin. The adjoiniug room was occupied by a mother aud her «laughter. After retiring the mother began to rebuke the daughter for an alleged partiality to somebody named John, which soft impeachment the daugh ter denied vigorously. "But," said the mother, "I saw him kissing you at the cow-pen yesterday morn ing, Amanda." "No, ma, he wasn't kissing me at all." "Why did you have your head so close up to his for? you deceivin' critter." "Well, you see, ma, I had been eating pitallas, (the fruit of a species of cactus), and you see, ma, I got some of the prickles iu my lips—and—aud—" "And what, you wicked, wickod crit ter." "And I couldn't get them out myself, you know, and .John pulled them out with his teeth—but he didn't kiss me nnry time ."—San Antonia Herald. Bad Country for Deacons. Not far from Houston, at a place called Norsworthy's, a protracted meeting was iu progress In the plentitude of his religious zeal, a worthy deacon felt called upon to paint all the terrors of au "awful hell" to the congregation iu general, and to cer tain young ladies who had "backslid," and kept far back in the congregation, in particular. upon stony hearts The good deacon looked for an effect, but no effect followed He cast his eye to the seats occupied by the "backslidden" maidens. There they sat, not ouly unmoved, but actually smiling serenely upon their "fel lows." This was more than the pure in heart could endure. With holy fervor he singled out the young ladies—-named them, and said unpleasant things concerning their frivolity and trifling behavior, "fellows" took counsel—they were knight ly fellows—and agreed that the deacon de served a"licking "'On Sunday they went to church, invited the deacon to a conference in a grove, and they there proceeded to demolish his physiogpomy A bad coun try for deacons is Texas .—St Louis Re publican. "Never marry for wealth," says a con temporary, "but remember that it is just as easy to love a girl who has a brick house, with a Mansard roof and a silver plated door bell, as one who hasn't any thing but an auburn head aud an amiable disposition." The ppeal seemed to fall Horrors ! The Some men are born to misfortune, a picnic punched for speaking to another fellow's girl, and when he tearfully explained that he'd "knowed her these thirty-five years," he got all his hair pulled out. At Coviugton chap got his eye A Hi tie boy defines snoring as "lotting Took the Staroh Oat of Him. She was a fine old Udy—one of tho kind who know how to knit • stocking or market the egg» of last week's laying.— Above all things on earth, she detested that class of young people who think them Belves better than their fathers before mes them, and it delighted her beyond sure to taka the Btareh ont of them. Being in a mood for a visit to tho oity, she got into the oar on tho Pennsylvania Central, with an old-fashioned oarpet hag and a band box, on her way to visit some friends in the oity. As she took hor seat her eyes rested upoD a young man with hia hair parted in the middle, dressed in gorgeous attire, with his ambrosial locks highly scented, and his clothes cut in the height of fash iou—a perfect speoimeu of the young men who lounge in the lebbiea of theatres and operas, between the acts, and say 'an' and 'ya-as' when you speak to them. It happened that Aunt Jane knew this and he knew her as was well young man, showu by the horrible manner in which he regarded her. "The sakés alive, John Henry !" she said, " How du yew du ?" "Au! I'm pretty well, madam," he re plied, casting a furtive glance about the car to see that no one who knew him heard her address him by that dreadful name— John Henry—be wrote his name J. Henri Boone. " How's your father?" the old lady per sisted. " I du like your father, uufortu uit as be bus been in biziness ! I knowed him wbeu he biled soap at Tully, and I remember you wasn't knee high to a grass hopper. Lordy, how you used to tear the seat out of your pants !" " Ya-as; but, madam—" " Dou't madam ine; I can't stand it. I'm Aunt Jane Parker, aud I've spanked you off '11 enough. The Lord knows you needed it ! Dew you remember them yel low homespun pants I gave you, once upou a time ? Your father was awful poor them days 1 helped him every way I could. It was dreadful hard times for a poor man to get along with a dozen lazy young oues to clothe aud feed. Lots of johnny cake and suet gravy them days. I dunno what he would have done if it hadn't been-for the tater crop. That saved him, I guess." A young lady just behind them, with whom J Henri had been trying to fiirt, at this moment caught a glimpse of his horrid face, aud covered her mouth with her handkerchief. Her delicate frame shook with emotion—or laughter, it is hard to tell which. " What's your father a-dewin' now, John Henry?" demanded Aunt Jane, beaming upon him like a seraph. " He is in the irou busiuess," replied John Henry with a despairing look. "So I heerd, shoein' horses, ain't he?" J. Henri Boone began to get uneasy in his seat. What would the young lady think ef him? What would this scandal ous old female think of next? He felt a shudder pass through his frame, for he could not tell what she would huut up again. "Good grushus !" she said, breaking out abruptly. "How well I 'member the time yew went out to steal 'Squire Far ley's melons ! He ! he ! it makes me larff when l think of it. You see," she con ued, addressing the young lady, "he un dertuk tu run, aud ho got caught by the slack of his pants on a pieket, and there he hung, liko General Putnam, till Squire Farley cum out, licked him awful, and tuk him down. He was all stripes and bruises, I tell ye !'' " Madam," said J. Heuri, desperately, " I don't remember auy such circum stance." "Dou't ye? Good grashus? I 'mem ber it as well as ef it was y'sterday. I've got a powerful memory, John Henry! I thought you weut into the barbar bizi ness." " You are mistaken, luadum. Iam not engaged in any low calling of that sort." "Mebbo not I did hear that ye loft the biziness becoz tho customers sod you soraped 'em so awful they couldn't stand it." Here the young lady laughed, without any attempt at concealment. " What are ye dewin', if l tnay bo so bold as tew ask ?" "Madam, I am an electric physician." " What's that?" " A doctor, madam, a doctor!" roared John Henri. "Arc ye? Grashus Peter ! 1 thought ye was a fiddler!" J He i Boone picked up his valise and made a rush for the smoking-car, and Aunt Jane was satisfied. She had taken the starch out of him. "Papa, do you think Beeoh—* "Hush Johnnie." " But, papa, don't you think Beech—*" " Didn't you hear me tell yon to stop your noise, sir? 1 won't have you talking these things. Go in and get your face washed." And Johnnie, with toars in his eyes, wants to know why papa won't tell him whether beech nuts are ripe. —Cincinnati Times. An Iowa paper reports the following as the actual form of a marriage service in a town in that State: "Join your right hands. Do you waut one another?"— (They both answer yes.) " Well, then, you have one another. You're man aud wife." A Maud Muller laughed heartily at a young haymaker when the yellow-jackets got up his uankecn trousers. But whoa they got up her'n —Well!