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Middletown transcript. [volume] (Middletown, Del.) 1868-current, October 10, 1874, Image 1

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NO. 41.
NEC .1
At the Opening of the Agrlenltnr
al Fair at Middletown.
Whenever l have been led to reflect
upon the primary and vast importance
of Agriculture, as the great basis of a
nation's wealth and power, I bave been
astonished more and more at the very
slight attention it receives st the bauds
of our ' people in proportion to the
reasonable demands of au en
.lightened political economy
what man woman or child among us is
loot vitally interested in the earth being
# de to yield its yearly increase, and in
having its fruits gathered in due season?
The value of skilled labor giving utili
ty to crude materials we gratefully
knowledge and appreciate—but the
graud silent productious, which
mother the earth presents in
coni mon
the varying seasons of ibe year for our
delectation and support seem to be tak
uialter of oourse so that her la
bors are accepted ofteu grumblingly,
and mau seems to think his share of
duty performed when he condescending
ly stretches forth his hand to gather in
her bounty.
In the wise and bitter wit of Dean
Swift, we find the Kiug of Brobdignag
giving to Mr. Lemuel Gulliver as his
ears of corn or two blades of grass to
grow upon a spot where only one grew
before—would deserve better of man
kind, and do more essential service to
his country than the whole race of poli
ticians put together. ' The super
abundance of productive lands in the
United States and the small price for
which they can be obtained, have ab
solved our people in a great measure
from the conditions of paiuful, auxious
toil whioh in more densely populated
and older countries is the necessary
heritage of those, who, like the S'.'iss
"Force a churlish soil for scanty
bread"—and hence our agriculture has
been performed without the sharp spur
nd has received but a
en as a
"That whoever could make two
of necessity,
small portion of the public thought aud
which its grave importance de
aud*. Perhaps if we except the task
of Legislation, no other occupation îd
our country is so frequently entered
upon by persons deficient in the neces
sary information, as Agriculture.
Let me appcul to the experience of
my present audience, whether, as a
rule, agriculture in this country is not
considered a pursuit to be taken up
any time by any
mand the capital requisite to purchase
and stock a farm regardless of bis for
occupation, bis preparation by way
of information, and education for suc
man who can cont
cess f
In the vast majority of schools to
which the sous of our farmers are sent,
how much special attention is bestowed
upon agricultural chemistry, vegetable
physiology and natural philosophy—all
of which are essential to him who would
successfully avail himself of the natural
advantages of any soil?
How many of our farmers are retired
men] of business whose success has
given them money to live as they please,
or whose reverses in commercial or
manufacturing pursuits have compelled
them to settle down in tbe quiet of a
couotry life and adept a vocation for
which they were totally unprepared by
experience or éducation ?
jHow| many fathets, having gathered
wealth in other pursuits, and having
unruly and unmanageable sons, buy
and stock a farm and set down the wild
yonth upon it, hoping that the produc
tive powers of a generous soil may suc
cessfully supplement the short-comiogs
of a reckless aod idle living apon it?
Fortunately for us all, there is a
body of professional farmers, born and
bred to the vocation, whose industry,
good management and intelligent over
sight, are the back-boue of our success
ful progress iu the seieoce of practical
When Turner, the famous modern
English painter, was asked what, he used
in mix ng his colors, he growled out :
"Brains," and his answer would be
•well applied to every branch of our in
dustries, and to none more than farm
By the light of modern discoveries
in chemistry, mechanics and meteorol
ogy, I know of no pursuit in which ap
propriate, thorough and precise learn
ing is more requisite or ean be used
with greater certainty of remunerative
returns than in agriculture in all its
I believe this to be a great and im
portant truth, and that we are fast ap
proaching if we have notalready reached
the day when intellectual culture and
thorough professional education are due
to the proper fulfillment of the dutie s
of a farmer.
I know the value of practical exper
ience, and do not in the*least underrate
the mother-wit, the sturdy aud close
observation of cause and effect, un
touched and unaided by literary culture,
which has caused many a wild waste to
blossom as the rose, and transformed
many a wilderness into greeD fields and
sweet pastures.
Such steady application of quiet,
honest intelligence must win its way,
and will ever have its reward, whether
in agriculture or any other occupation
in life—and it is one feature of its pos
sessors to look, and not altogether un
justly, with somewhat of scorn and de
risioD upon those amateur farmers—
those dilettanti of agriculture, who sit
at ease in the shade—and book in hand
•pin fine theories—whilst their plow
stands idle in the furrow and their stock
cry aloud for food and care. Practical
farmers will enjoy the reply of a Scotch
farmer to his Laird—who having read
much of the marvellous and mysterious
powers of electricity, conceived it could
be well applied to soils, and that by tbe
introduction of electric currents under
gronDd, the germination of seeds and
growth of planta could rapidly be
forced. So walking one day with bis
farmer, and warming with hopes,
he exclaimed: "Donald, you see
yon field?" (one of ten acres.) " Aye,
weel eneuch," said Donald. " Weel,
Donald; tbe time will come when I shall
carry in this vest pocket the machine
that will fertilise that field, with little
er no labor." " Aye, your lordship,"
said Donald, "and when that time does
come your lordship's other pocket will
hold all the crops " But whilst we
may in this case be disposed lo agree
with Donald, let us not underrate
"books" as a necessary adjunct to good
farming, or shut out the light which
modern science is throwing upon this
most important branch of human occu
P Agriculture should be studied as
business, and I take it for granted that
feature of this Association will be
agricultural library—where well-se
lected works upon agricultural chemis
try, on mechanics as applied to agri
culture, upon the culture of fruits, the
breeding and care of horses and cattle,
the architecture of farm buildings, to
gether with the periodical literature, on
The general subject, ofEurope and the
United States—will be open to the in
spection and study of all its members,
Man's best success is born of bis ear
It failures, and let no one be afraid or
ashamed to present the result of bisex
periments—although imperfection and
a touch of absurdity may attend them.
Thomas Jefferson sowed the seeds of
uiany profound and useful inventions in
agriculture, yet some of his propositions
were very ludicrous
When Benjamin Franklin came buck
from France, he introduced into this
country the use of Gypsum as a fertili
nd hence its common name "Plus
ter of Paris;" and we are told he caused
a field to be sown in the "great road
to Washington" in the shape of the
words. "This hab been Plastered,"
and thus made in the tall clover that
grew where the plaster had been cast
green letters to arrest the eye of the
Let each niombei of this Association
iu like manner, whether he be a travel
h r in foreign countries or a thoughtful
observer in his own, bring each his tri
bute, great or small, to build up the
commonwealth. Such a generous spirit
of free-trade in discovery and useful ap
plication, will tie our farmers together ;
counties together; tie our states
together, and do more for the Union we
all desire than a volume of coercive and
Hi- our
punitory laws.
I suppose more capital and intellect
ual ability are applied to agriculture in
Great Britain, in proportion, than in
any other country. I mean scientific
culture of the land ; and care and skill
iu perfecting breeds of cattle and horses
is greater thau in any other .country in
the world We all know the limited
area of land there, the high rent* it
commands, and the close and careful
cultivation required to pay such rents,
and support those who farm the soil ;
the yearly rents of many farms exceed
ing the fee-simple value of excellent
lands in the older and more settled por
tions of the United States ; and yet,
in September, 1871, Lord Derby ex
pressed his belief "that the production
of England and Scotland could be dou
bled if sufficient capital were employed
in the cultivation of land " Lord Lei
cester, as the result of an extended tour
through England,Ireland and Scotland,
expressed his entire concurrence in this
opinion. And so, also, Mr. Cobden
believed that England might again be
come a self-supporting country,.instead
of being compelled to pay £30,000,000
a year to foreign countries for wheat.
If this be true of England, what shall
said of the United States—or to bring
matter closer home and within our own
jurisdiction—what shall we say of our
own Peninsula? With so much of its
fine land lying unimproved, and our
farmers putting their money into stocks
^md bonds, and their sons seeking oc
cupations and homes in other States and
flying, alas ! to the busy, wearing, fe
verish life of the great commercial cen
This exodus from the country I look
upon with anxiety and regret, for it
seems to me that our Republican form
of government has its best hopes in the
quiet opportunities for reflection and
calm, secluded consideration of events ;
in the formation and maintenance of tn
dividual and independent opinion and
character, which a country life and pur
suits so manifestly afford, and which
city life seems to destroy.
And are not these dreams of sudden
wealth, and unbroken commercial suc
cess—the scenes of which are laid in
the commercial and money centres—
often, nay, usually, illusory ?
I was much impressed seme years ago
with the statistics of an agricultural
society in onr sister state of Maryland,
which embraced the general history of
its members for an entire century, and
the comparison was established of
the condition of those families who had
continued to bold land, and those who
had been allnred by the less laborious
and apparently speedier ways to wealth,
and bad embarked their means in com
mercial and financial adventures. Tbe
land holding families were still to be
traced by the substantial possessions of
their descendants who were maintaining
the solid names and solid eomfort of
their ancestors,'whilst of the commercial
class, here and there only, a stray head
was to be seen above the breakers of
the sea^if chance, whilst many a wreck
ed fortune lay scattered and forgotten
along the shore.
Depend npon it, there is much mean
ing in the old name given to houses and
lands— Real Estate. And what of our
real estate on this Peninsula, my
friends? Has not a kind Providence
given us a combination of advantages,
a goodly heritage, wherein to live onr
lives and prepare for the great life to
come ?
Onr land is flanked, on either side,
by two of the noblest estnaries of the
Atlantic ocean—two great national high
ways. The Chesapeake] and Delaware
baya are unsurpassed in the abondance
of their productions. Where else on
the Globe is greater variety and excel
lence exhibited ? Fish, in all seasons,
sf tbe ohoicest kinds. ; oysters and other
shell fish unsurpassed in quantity and
quality ; water-fowl, and among them
that marvel of epicurism, the Canvass
Back Duck ; not to mention the rail,
reed-bird, snipe and plover ; with these
two great water fronts along either side,
we have additional penetrations of small
and yet navigable streams running from
each bay up into the heart of the marn
land, affording good and convenient
landings for fertilizers, to make crops,
and depots for the removal of those
we crops when made, and ready for market,
It may be doubted whether there are
a dozen farms on the Peninsula ten
miles from a landing on tide water,
Besides all this, a well established
and admirably regulated system of rail
iogs running from one end of the pe
oiosula to the other, with frequent
a branches to the waters of the Chesapeake
aud Delaware bays.
And then as to markets. The mar
kets ol the world are almost at your
doors—Baltimore on the south, Ph.la
delphia nearby on the northwest, and at
a short half day s steam voyage. New
York,with her daily lines of steamers to
Europe No long transportation over
railways whose charges eat up nearly the
entire value of the western farmers
grain-until corn is used as fuel in lilt
nois, when the farmers of Delaware are
selling theirs for 75 cents per bushel.
Our farmers receive, within a few cents
per bushel, the prices of grain on ship
board bound for Liverpool,
Our climate is mild and temperate,
admitting the early growth of vegeta
bles and fruit, and the,successful plant
ing of crops that require a long season
for their growth and maturity. Not
only all the cereal grains are produced
abundantly, but cotton has been raised
in every county in Delaware, and in
the southern portion of the peninsula
could now be produced with as much
success as in many portions of North
Carolina and Virginia,
Tobacco, of course, is grown ; and
my surprise is that its cultivation is
uot more extended,
The close approach of the Gulf
stream to our coast ; the presence of
two such grand bodies of water as the
Chesapeake and Delaware Bays, on
either side, all tend to modify the ex
treme changes of heat and cold,
The snow which, for weeks and
months, lies among the hills of Penn
sylvania, melts in a few days, at most,
even in our upper county of New
I am indebted to the kindness of our
estimable fellow citizen of Wilmington,
Mr Edward Tatnall, who ranks high,
scientific botanist and florist—for
as a
the following statement :—"New Castle
County is certainly the richest in varie
ty of its flora, probably in tbe United
States ; it lies between the extremes of
teuiperature and contains almost every
On tbe hills of the
Brandywine, White Clay and Red Clay
Creeks, we find the original granite
formation, whilst at their mouths and
the Christiana, we have the alluvial
deposits just forming. In different
parts of tbo county we have all the in
termediate states. The gravelly shores
of the Delaware river (in patches) fur
nish one class of plants, and tbe pre
vailing muddy shores of the same river
supply a very different class. Again
have the plants that grow only in
or near the purest spring water and in
the lower part of the county those that
grow only in salt or brackish water.
We have numerous spkagnous swamps
throughout the county, and near Col
lins' Beaob a cedar swamp which has
its own peculiar flora. On the Bran
dywine and Red Clay Creeks, we find
plants that are found elsewhere only on
mountains. We have, then, every di
versity of climate and soil and situa
tion. Our county contains 512 square
miles, while Chester county, onr near
est neighbour (proverbially rich in soil
and productiveness bat without the di
versity) has 738 squaro miles. Our
county, within its contracted limits,
contains over eelven hundred species,
(1130) whilst Chester county contains
but 938, and some of them have been
reduced to varieties. We must remem
ber too, that the latter county has been
thoroughly searched, whilst ours has
been but partially. In farther compar
ison, the northern United States (north
of North Carolina and Tennessee, and
including a large part of Canada, con
taining 600,000 square miles, contain
ing all told, a little over 2,400 speoies,
many of them peculiar to high latitudes
or alpine regions. Yon will perceive
that in onr 512 square miles we have
nearly one-half of the flora of that
whole region Is any farther evidence
needed ? It is remarkably strange that
we have cultivated several plants which
are otherwise peculiar to the south:
Only recently Mr. Canby has found, at
Felton, a plant which has hitherto been
found only in Georgia." And this c
quability and moderation of climate is
not at the expense of enervation or mi
asmatic diseases to our inhabitants.
Their average length of life is full as
high, and I imagine, in point of stature
and vigor, our men of Delaware and
Maryland will be found as stalwart as
aDy of their countrymen.
In the county of Sussex, in this
State, this is especially the case, for I
have been in company with parties of
men there, and, although six feet in my
stockings, found myself one of the
short men of the assembly. Of the
better and fairer part of creation, whom
Heaven in its goodness has sent to
gladden our hearts and eyes, I can only
say, that among admitted facts, things
not to be gainsaid or drawn into ques
tion—a social axiom in this Peninsula,
is that our mothers, wives, sisters,
daughters and sweet-hearts, are simply
tbe best and loveliest in the world, and
we will never hear or believe anything
to the contrary.
Tbe recognition of our Peninsula as
the "Home of the Peach" has already
been gained from our northern friends
who depend chiefly upon ns for their
supply of that delicious fruit, whilst
the growth and -importance of onr
"Small Fruits" is rapidly attracting at
tention and leading to large and re
munerative development.
My friends, in this hasty and entirely
ineomplete way, I have adverted to
what nature has done for us, aud if my
phrases have sometimes seemed boast
ful in acknowledging her bounty, it
has been rather from a sense of grate
ful appreciation than idle exaltation.
We have, in this Peninsula, little or
no mineral wealth ; restricted deposits
of iron-ore being the only traces of that
sort. The marvellous deposits of iron
and coal; the quarries of Granite,marble
variety of soil.
and lime-stone; the mises of copper,
lead and the more precious metals ;
which have been so freely assigned by
Providence to other States, have all
been withheld from us ; and is it not
evident in thus considering what nature
has given us, and also wbat she has
withheld,, that it becomes plain to our
minds that our Peninsula, with its fine
climate and fair soil is intended to be
the home of an industrious and intelli
gent people, and that the trae and only
key to unlock the treasures of our soil
is work — steady, hard work ?
This is our sole condition precedent
to happy aud contented lives here—the
teil which will be rewarded, and the
constant and useful occupation which
will not only keep us out of mischief,
but will make us a prosperous aud
worthy people.
Diversity in our industries ; diversi
ty in our productions, leads directly to
increased use for all we can produce,
and gives us a nucleus at home for ad
vancement upon a sure basis, and one
within our control, and we witness with
joy and pride the mechanical skill which
bas made our harbors on the Christiana
the grandest ship-building centre in the
Union—and see the ancient town of
New Castle awakening from her slum
bers to listen to the roar of new foun
dries, the din of machine shops and the
clatter of factories.
The real foundation of this growing
prosperity is the government of good
laws, which was bequeathed to us by a
worthy ancestry of good plain stock ;
frugal, hardy, industrious and brave
In the past history of this State, we
have just cause for an honest pride. Of
all that is worthy in the State, we should
be proud, and that same pride should
teach us to amend our defects.
As that man is not to be trusted who
does not respect himself, and who does
not feel his good character as something
to be valued and jealously to be pro
tected, so, iu like degree, should we
regard our little commonwealth ; rejoic
ing over all that is honorable and use
ful in her government, and determining
reform when reform is demanded by jus
tice tind right
I admit that where our little State is
concerned, Tam prone
"To be to her virtues very kind ;
To lier faults a little blind;''
and this perhaps is in resistance to that
class of men, not so much those to the
manner-born as others who have lately
settled among us and have adopted a
habit of belittling this State and her
citizens, with unjust sneers at her in
stitutions; the smallness of her area;
the paucity of her population, and her
relative feebleness in the proportion of
numbers to the larger communities
which lie on our borders.
Such people commit a very common
and, I may say, American error in mis
taking bigness for greatness. Goliath
would be, with them, a greater man
than David, and the battle of Thermopy
lae, an insignificant skirmish because
of the small number of men eugaged on
the Grecian side. Such people would
never have comprehended the soul-lift
ing speech of Henry the 5th of Eng
land to his troops on the morning of
the battle of Agincourt. The enemy
were five to one, and Westmoreland ex
pressed the wish that there were present
"But one ten thousand of those meD
in England, that do no work to-day."
But the gallant Harry would not on
ly have refused to enlarge his brave lit
tle band, but would have sent out of
their company the man who thought
them too few to be great and useful.—
There is mere of soul-culture than agri
culture in his address, and I must let
you read it yourselves when you go borne
in the 4th aet of Henry V.
Our duty is simply to be true to our
selves—to keep abreast with the cur
rent of improvement, in modern science
and discovery, still holding fast to the
principles of our forefathers. By pur
suing the same roles of ecouomy and
simplicity in our State and County gov
ernmennts we shall induce renewed
tides of immigration, both of capital and
labor, into our borders, making onr
State a hive of industry where property
and person are secure, because our laws
are respected and obeyed, aod an up
right public sentiment shall mould the
I cannot withhold expressions of
gratification at the thorough and com
plete classification of premiums which
your catalogue contains. It is marked
with sueb knowledge of all that per
tains to tbe work of your Association
that I am made to feel even more pain
fully my own unfitness to do it justice.
No braneh of industry or production
which attaches to farming, floral, fruit
or tree culture, or the important needs
of housekeeping, seems to have escaped
the minds of your committee. There
is a chance for competition to every
one, young or old, rich or poor, black
or white, who is witlings tu m ake th e
From this elaborate schedule let me
select, as the subject of special value
and intere>t,
Cattle and Horses,
to eaeh of which classes the prominence
they merit has been assigned by your
Let me a8k to what do we owe
the magnificent herds of neat cat
tle, so nnmerons in great Britain, and
which, finding their way of late years
across the Atlantic, have been so much
further improved by the intelligent care
of our American breeders, that it is
now no infrequent occurrence to find
English purchasers, at our auction sales,
out-bidding the Americans and carry
ing back te England onr short horns
to improve the] stock abroad ?
It ia all due to the enlightened land
owners and farmers of Great Britain
who, finding there the local and infer
ior classes of cattle, have, by wise se
lections and great care in breeding, ad
ministering proper foods and bestowing
proper treatment, so benefited them
selves, their own country and the whole
civilized world.
Take for instance the case of Mr.
Thomas Bates, the great English breed
er of short horns, who died in 1849.—
He bought'his first "Duchess" of Chas.
Colling in 1804, and bred Iter relations
closely until 1831. He then purchased
the boll "Belvidere," having a cross of 1
the same blood, and bred with him
until 1849. His herd was sold in 1850
to Lord Ducie, who died three years
afterwards, and the stock was again
sold in 1851. At this last sale a por
tion of the herd of the "Duchess" and
"Oxford" strains, were purchased by
Mr. Thorne of Duchess County, New
York, Mr. Lewis G. Morris and others,
who again sold them, until finally Mr.
Campbell became the proprietor of this
famous importation, and their progeny.
You all well remember how in 1878
the prices that seemed fabulous were
{ aid at Mr. Campbell's public sale, and
46,500 given for a single "Duchess,"
and nearly as much for others—to go
back to England.
Now, the men who pay these priées
are not wild enthusiasts, but long bead
ed men, with full knowledge of the val
ue of money, and they bought some
thing they knew was a good bargain.
What was it ?
They secured a breed of cattle (capable
orindefinite increase in numbers) which
gave them, in two years time, a matured
cow for milk, and at three a steer full
grown for market,
ness of flesh all over the body, with
choice flesh where common cattle have
none, or else mere offal ; an animal, in
short, whose bead, tail and feet being
severed, was left a square piece of solid
beef with no waste, comparatively.
They not only thus save two years in
bringing their stock to an early and
profitable maturity, and obtain an
animal vastlj superior in size, weight
and quality of meat, but they also claim
that these cattle are less feeders for their
weight than common stock.
Thus it is seen what a quick an
generous return is made to the breeder
for the cost in care and money of me
And fine as are the English short
horns, we know that in this country
they are closely rivilled by the milk
and beef giving qualities of the Holstein
breed—a most important and valuable
contribution to onr Dairy farms.
Now for all these cattle mild climate
and a level and gently undulating
country, such as we bave in this Penin
sula, offers the best home for successful
breeding— a rough and bleak country
will not answer.
I cannot but believe that capital and
care would be wisely ventured in this
direction by many whose faces I see
before me.
Each with a füll
And what has not careful se
lection] and breeding accomplished
with tbe horse? Let us consider this,
because tbe success of your association
will depend much upon its attractive
ness, and what is so attractive as an ar
ray of really fine horses ?
The effect upon the character of a com
munity in possessing a really &De stock
of horses, is of great moment, not as a
question only of utility and pecuniary
value, but of sentiment.
Look at the money value of time a
lone, and see how it is saved by a swift
horse. The aggregate of minutes which
swell to hours, and those rolled up at
the end of a year, make so large a frac
tion of the whole.
A man lives five miles from his
Bank or post-office, and drives a sleepy
drudge that distance in one hour, while
his neighbour slips by in a lively gait
in half the time, or less, and this trip
is made three times a week, until in a
year, 156 hours have been saved by a
clever roadster, being really equal to
the business hours of more than three
entire weeks.
The contemplation of the beauty and
high spirit of a horse is pleasure of a
high order, not merely innocent but el
evating, and Abd-el-Kader, the Arab
Chieftain, wrote of what he knew when,
in his letter to General Danutas, he de
scribed "the high moral qualities of a
horse." We are creatures of imitation
and may improve even by contemplat
ing the virtues of a horse, such a one
as I have seen described :—
As patient as he is courageous,
As enduring as he is fleet,
As usefal as he is ornamental.
Strong at the plough,
Untiring on the road,
Vigorous, hardy, and cheerful,
An honor to his race;
And a credit to his owner.
Does it not seem impossible that a
man could harbor mean, unworthy
thoughts whilst in such company ?
We can have just such horses by a
proper degree of development and im
provement in breeding ; and to secure
a steady improvement, intelligence and
constant care are requisite. In some
countries the State assumes this duty,
but under our system, it fortunately
is left to individual enterprise. The
finest horse in the world, to-day, ü the
English thoroughbred, and a short-ref
erence to the history ofhia progress to
his present excellence may be useful
and interesting. When the invasion
of England was threatened by the
Spanish armada, in the reign of Queen
Elizabeth, there were only three thous
and horses in tbe kingdom, whioh could
be collected for cavalry, and this use
of them produced the most serious in
terruption in the internal traffic of tbe
Fortunately, on board the Spanish
ships were numbers of Andalusian
Horses iDtcndes for cavalry by the in
vader, which, however, being captured
by the victorious Admirals Drake and
Howard, furnished an excellent and
much need infusion, by which the Eng
lish stock of horses was greatly improv
ed. There were also importations of
horses in the reign of Charles 2d, and
racing was practiced, bat the fountain
head of the English thorongh-bred race
horse was the "Darley Arabian" whose
day would do us the honor to foil sick
blood will be found in some degree in
almost every horse of the present day
distinguished on the turf. He was im
ported into England about the year
1700, and was obtained by what was
almost an accident. For as a rule the
Arab will not part with their finest
horses, and the accepted tradition ia
that the "Darley Arabian" was exacted
by an English physician as the fee for
saving the life of a Sheik, who was
dangerously ill.
Whether this account be precisely
true I cannot say, but I cannot help
wishing some benevolent Arab of our
and let some Delaware Doctor core him
at the same price.
The superiority of the Arabian Horse
is due to the most rigid selection and
oarefnl breeding continued for centuries.
(Concluded next week.)
Washington and the Corporal.
Daring the American Revolution,
it is said that an officer, not habited in
hie military costume, was passing by
where a small company soldiers were at
work, making some repairs on a small
redoubt. The oommander of the little
squad was giving orders to those who
were under him, relative to a stick of
timber whioh they were endeavoring to
raise to the top of the works. The
timber went up hard, and on this ac
count the voice of the little great man
was oftener heard, in his vociferations
of "Heave away! Ther.e she goes!
Heave ho." The officer before spoken
of stopped his horse when he came to
the place, and seeing the timber some
times scarcely move, asked the com
mander why be did not take hold and
render a little aid. The latter appeared
to be eomewhat astonished and turning
to the officer with the pomp of an
emperor, said, "Sir, I am a corporal !"
/'You are net, though, are you?" said
the officer ; I was not aware of that
and taking off hie hat and bowing, "I
ask yonr pardon, Mr. Corporal!" Up
on this he dismounted from his elegant
steed, flung the bridal over a post, and
lifted till the sweat stood in drops upon
his forehead When the timber was
elevated to its proper station, turning
to the man clothed in brief authority,
•"Mr. Corporal commander," said he,
"when you have another such job, and
have not men enough, send to your
commander-in-chief, and I will come
and help you a second time." The
corporal was thunder-struck. It was
Washington .—From Paxto Hood's Uses
of Biography.
Very Smart Thieves.
Two well-dressed men stopped before
a Parisian grocer's, recently, and burst
into loud laughter.
"I tell you that I will do it," said
"I'll bet you five francs that you do
not," said the other
"Done; I'll take the bet."
Both then entered the shop.
•'Do you sell treacle?" said the first.
"Yes, gentlemen," said the grocer.
"Give me two pounds of it."
"Have yon a vessel to put it in ?"
"No ; but put it in here."
"What! in your hat?"
"Pour it in ; it's for a wager."
The grocer took the hat, placed it in
the scale, and, much amused at the
idea, poured into it two pounds weight
of treacle.
"There's the money," said the pur
chaser, and he threw down a five-franc
The grocer began tocount the change,
when the man said :
"Pardon me, sir, but your treacle
has a bad smell."
"Is's very good I assure you."
"No ; smell it."
The grocer put down his head to tha
hat, and at the same moment the cus
tomer, by a rapid movement, thrust
the man's head into the hat ; and, as
the grocer instinctively raised his head,
the customer knocked the bat over his
eyes. The other man then plunged
his hand into the till, and seized a
handful of money, about thirty francs.
Both got clear off before the unfortun
ate grocer conld give the alarm.
An Untodnbid Charge.—A leading
officer in one of tbe Courts was charged
with never going to bed sober. Of
course he indignantly denied the soft
impeachment, and he gave the particu
lars of a particular night in proof. We
quote his own words :
Soon after I get into bed, my wife
said: "Why, hnsband, what is the
matter with you ? You act so straDge
ly. !
—Thcr? is nothing the matter with me,
said I, nothing at all."
"I am sure there is," said she, "yon
don't act natural at all. Shan't I get
ap and get something for you ?"
And she got up, lighted a candle,
and came to the bedside to look at me,
shading the light with one band.
"1 knew there waa something strange
about yon," she said. "Why, yon are
sober !''
Now, this is a fact, and my wife will
swear to it. So don't yon slander me
any more, by saying that I haven't
been to bed sober in six months, cause
I have.
A negro insisted that his race was
mention ed in the Bible. He said he
heard the preacher read sDout how
"Nigger Demus wanted to be born
"Oh ! ma. There's an angel with
wings." "Pshaw! that's only a Louis
ville girl with her ears spread.
It has been noticed that nothing
makes a woman laugh so much as a
new set of teeth.
Burd Grubb is the owner of a New*
port yacht ; so tbsy call him Canary
A "Dictionary Word.
"John," said a master tanner in
South Durham the other day, to one of
his men, "bring in some fuel."
John walked off, revolving the word
in his mind, and returned with a pitch
"I don't want this," said the won
dering tanner, "I want fuel, John."
"Beg your pardon," replied the man,
* 'I thought you wanted something to
torn over the skins with."
And off he went again, not a whit
wiser, but ashamed to confess his ig
norance Much meditating, (as Lord
Brougham would say,), he next pitohed
upon a besom, shoaldering which, he
returned to the coanting-house. His
master was in a passion.
"What a stupid ass you are, John,"
he exclaimed, I want some sticks and
shavings to light the fire."
" O-h-h-h !" rejoined the rustic,
"that's what you want, ie it? Why
couldn't you say so at first, master, in
stead of using a London dictionary word?
And, wishing to show that he was
not alone in his ignorance, be railed a
comrade to the tanner's presence, and
asked him if be knew what fuel was.
"Aye!" answered Joe, "ducks and
sich like!"
The Dishonest Feasant.
In the year 1794, a poor French em
igrant was passing the winter in a vil
lage of Westphalia, iu Germany. He
was obliged to live with the greatest
economy, in order not to go beyond hie
means. One cold morning he had oc
casion to buy a load of wood. He found
a peasant who had one to sell, and what
the price was. The peasant who per
ceived by his broken German that he
was a foreigner, and that his ignorance
might be taken advantage of, answered
that the price was three lonis d'ors
The Frenchman endeavored to beat
him down, bat in vain ; the peasant
would abate nothing of his first demand,
The emigrant, finding it useless to
waste words with him, and being in
pressing need of the fuel, at last took
it, and paid the money that was asked
for it.
The peasant, delighted to have made
so good a bargain,drove with hie empty
cart to the village inn, whioh was not
far distant, and ordered breakfast.—
While it was getting ready he enter
tained the landlord with an account of
the way in which he had cheated the
Frenchman, and made him pay three
lonis d'ors for a load of wood which, at
the utmost was not worth more thau
two dollars—talking as if he had done
a clever thing.
But the landlord was a good man,
and feeling justly indignant at the pea
sant's conduct, told him that he ought
to be ashamed of himself thus to have
taken advantage of the ignorance of a
poor foreigner.
"Well." said the peasant, with a
scornful laugh, "the wood was mine; I
had a right to ask just what I pleased
for it: and nobody has a right to call
my conduct in question."
The landlord made no reply. When
breakfast was over the peasant asked
how much was to pay. The landlord
replied, "Three louis d'ors."
"What!" said the peasant, "three
louis d'ors for a cup of coffee and a few
slices of bread and butter ?"
"Yes," said the landlord, with the
utmost composure ; "the coffee and
bread and butter were mine ; I have a
right to ask what I please for them.—
My bill is three louis d'ors ; and I shall
keep your horse and cart until you pay
me. If you think I am charging you
too much,you can go before the judge."
The peasant,without saying anything
more, went to the judge's office and
made his complaint. The judge was
surprised and indignant at the land
lord's extortion, especially as he had
always borne an excellent character.
He ordered him to be brought before
him, aud his reception of him was
somewhat stern. But the landlord told
him the whole story—how the peasant
had taken advantage of the poor emi
grant's ignorance to cheat him, what
their conversation was, and ^ibw~his
own condnct was simply visiting upon
the head of a dishonest man the wrong
he had done^another. ,
Under such circumstances the judge
decided that the landlord had done
right, and that the peasant should pay
the three lonis d'ors. The peasant,
with a very ill grace.drewouthis purse
and laid the money on the table.
"I do not want this money," said the
landlord to the judge, "as your honor
may well suppose. Will you have the
goodness to change one of these louis
d'ors, and give the peasant two dollars
of it—for that, as he confessed to me,
is all that his wood is worth—and re
turn the remainder to the poor French
? Vor the breakfast I want noth
The judge was much moved at these
words of the good innkeeper. He
counted ont the two dollara to the pea
sant, and dismissed him with
rebuke. The rest was returned to the
emigrant, who, on hearing the story
went to thank the kind Innkeeper, and
with great difficulty persuaded him to
accept a small sum for the peasant's
a severe
A Disappointed Robber.
The Rapparees, says Samuel Lover,
were the worst marauders Ireland had
produced. Disbanded soldiers of the
lowest ela8s, they united to their vices
sufficient order to enable them to rob
on an extensive scale ; and, till they
were dispersed by regular troops, they
contrived to lay the oonnty under pret
ty general contribution. Still it must
be owned that, with all their villainy,
these fellows had a spiee of humor
which, if it did no credit to its nation
ality, unmistakably proclaimed it.
One of them, arrested for highway
robbery, on being brought before a
magistrate, asserted that he was more
entitled to be pitied than to be paniah
"Pitied !'
exclaimed the justioe,
while his eyebrows arohed with more
thau ordinary wonder and oentempt ;
"and on what account, pray ?"
"Sure, on aooount of my misfor
"Your misfortune, indeed! What?
that we have caught you, I suppose?"
"0, the jintleman that's brought me
here knows my mis ortune well e
But the gentleman was as astonished
as the magistrate himself, and as in
capable of guessing ths culprit's mean
rifled that he fell senseless on ths
ground, and the emperor drove him
of Saxe Cobourg-Gotha, as head of the
family. The Duke rejoined that, since
the recent ohange in Germany, he
iooked upon the Empe r or William as
his sovereign, and must bow to his ad
vice. The emperor said that he oould
do nothing without Prince Bismark'a
We onoe overheard a conversation
between two servants at a first-class ho
tel :
"What's de matter wid no. 8 dis
morning, Mr. Johnsing ?"
"Why, you see, he come in berry
drunk last night an got in on no. 20,
dat rasible ole man, an' he fust took
hi™ fur thief an' then he took him in the
"You^will own, I suppose," said his
worship, "that you stopped this gen
tleman on the highway?"
"0, yes I did that same.
"And that you took from him fifty
pounds in Bank of Wexford bills ?"
"And there your honor's right a
"Well, then, you perplexing vaga
bond, what do you mean by yeur mis
fortune ?"
"Sure, I mean that the money wasn't
in my pocket abové a week, whan the
dirty bank stopped payment, and I waa
robbed of every shillin'."
A Nioe Little Tale.
Nicholas I was very fond of masque
rade balle, and one night appeared at
one in the oharaoter of the devil, with
grinning faoe, horns and tail, and ap
peared to enjoy hie oharaoter very
mach. About three o'clock in the
morning he went oat, and throwing
over him eome furs, he oalled a coach
man, and ordered him to take him to
the Quay Anglais. As it waa very
cold he fell asleep, and when ha found
that the man had taken him in the
wrong direction, for the Qnay Anglais
is one of the most elegant portions of
St. Petersburg, while before him were
only some miserable houses, Nicholas
began to remonstrate, the coachman
paid no heed to him, and presently
passing through a stone gateway,,
brought him to a cemetery, and taking
a large knife from his girdle, and
pointing it to his employer's throat,
said: "Give me yonr money and yonr
furs, or I will kill you." "And do
you give me your soul ;'' exclaimed
Nicholas!, as he threw off the fnrs and
disclosed his personification of the
devil. The Rnssians are very super
stitious, and the coaohman was so ter
self back to his palace.
Why Hi Didn't Markt. —It is said
that Sir Walter Campbell, who was
lately in a mercantile firm in New York,
wished to marry an American young
lady, of good position, in the Empire
State. Upon his applying to the yonng
lady's father, the parent stated that he
always referred all those questions to
his wife. The mother, in her tarn,
stated that she must refer to the Dnke
of Argyll. The Dnke pleaded thgf,
considering his connection with royalty,
he must consult bis eldest sob. The
marquis oould do nothing without the
queen's consent. Her majesty felt that
the issue mast be referred to the Dnke
opinion ; and Prince Bismark declared
he had no opinion at all, one way or
tbe other ; and so the question—to
marry or not to marry—was brought
to a dead-look.
Dat's all."
"What de debble does 20 leave bis
doah unlocked for den, eh?"
"Cause de onreasonable ole cuss just
lays in de bed an' rings dat bell all
"Numbah 20 is de troublesomest ole
cuss we eher hab."
The nearest approach to a confidence
game is polling a male's tail.

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