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♦ 4 « NO. 15. MIDDLETOWN, DELAWARE, SATURDAY MORNING, APRIL 10, 1875. VOL. VIII. Jfliddlttoicn gircitorg. CORPORATION OFFICERS. Town Commissioners —E. W. Lockwood, President; J. R. Hall, Secretary; L. P. Mc Dowell, J. H. Walker, L. G. Vandegrift. Assessor — C. E. Anderson. Treasurer.— Joseph Hanson. Justice or the Peace. —DeW. C. Walker. Constable and Policeman.— R. H. Foster. Lampliohter. — F. C. Schreitz. j No No Fall Let For Rock NOTARY PUBLIC John A. Reynolds. TRUSTEES OF THE, ACADEMY. Hon John P. CochraB, Pres. ; Henry Davis, Treas.; Samuel Penington, Secretary; James Kanelv, B. Gibbs, R. T. Cochran, 1 vacancy. Principal of Academy. — L. B. Jones. OFFICERS OF CITIZENS' NATL BANK. Directors. —Henry Clayton, B. Gibbs, B. T. Biggs. John A. Reynolds, James Culbert son, E. C. Fenimore, M. E. Walker, J. B. Cazier, Joseph Biggs. President. —Henry Clayton, Cashier. —J. R. Hall. Teller. —John S. Croucb. DIRECTORS OF TOWN HALL CO J. M. Cox, Pres ; Samuel Penington, See.; J. R. HaB, Treas.; R. A. Cochran, Jas. Cul bertson. Jas. H. Scowdrick, Wm. H. Barr. CHURCHES Forest Presbyterian.—R ev. John Patton, D. D , Pastor. Divine service every Sunday at 10.30 a. m. and 7.00 p.m. Sunday School at 9 a.m. Lecture on Wednesdays at 7.30 p. Sunday School ia the Cbapel at Arm strong's every Sunday at 2.30 p. m. St. Anne's Protestant Episcopal. —Rev. Wm. C. Butler, Rector. Service on Sundays at 10.30 a.m. Sunday School at 4.00 p. m. Lecture ou Fridays at 4 p. m. Methodist Episcopal, —Rev. L. C. Matlack, D. D., Pastor. Service every Simdayat 10.30 a. m. and 7.30 p m. Sunday School at 9.30 n. ra. and 2.30 p. m. Prayer Meeting on Thursdays at 7.30 p. m. Colored Methodist. —Rev J.- W. Brown, Pastor. Service every other Sunday at 10.30 a. m., 3 and 8 p. m. Sunday School every Snnday at 1 p.m. in. MASONIC Adoniram Chapter No. 5, R. A. M. Meets in Masonic Hall on the second and fourth Fri days of every month at 8 o'clock, p ra. Union Lodge No. 5, A. F. A. M. the first and third Tuesdays of every month at 8 o'clock, p. m., Masonic Hall. Since selected shelves, whils Meets on Sing, With Never KNIGHTS OF PYTHIAS. Damon Lodge, No. 12 Meets every Friday eveaiag at 8 o'clock. Lodge room in the Town Hall. Rock PATRONS OF HUSBANDRY. Peach'Blossom Grange, No. 3. Meets every Tuesday evening at 7 o'clock. Grange Room with Knights of Pythias. I. O. 0. F. Good Samaritan Lodge, No 9. Meets every Thursday eveuiug at 8 o'clock. Lodge Room in Cochran Hall, No. 2, Cochran Square. "say on home fully Harry happy kiss tea bread serves, beef cake, for their you serves, at set asid "She asked altered a could the to But his BUILDING AND LOAN. Middletown B. A L. Association. —Samuel Penington, Pres.; A. G. Cox, Secretary. Meets on the first Thursday of every month at 8 o'clock, p.m. Mutual Loan Association of Middletown. — Jas. H. Scowdrick, Pres.; A. G. Cox, Sec retary. Meets on the third Tuesday of every moith at 8 o'clock, p.m. MIDDLETOWN LIBRARY AND READING-ROOM. E W. Lockwood, Pres.; J. T. Budd, Sec'y ; Rooms ia Transcript Building. Reading Room open every day until 10 o'clock, p m. Library open on Wednesdays and Saturdays from 3 o'clock to 5 p m. AGRICULTURAL ASSOCIATION. Penins. Agricultural and Pomological As sociation. —Charles Beastsu, President; J. T. Budd, Sesretary ; Wm. R. Cochran, Chairman of Board of Managers. Annual Meeting third Saturday in January. Fair of 1875, October 5, 6, 7 and 8. DIAMOND STATE BRASS BAND. Meets for practice every Monday evening at 8 o'clock. POST OFFICE. OrriCE Hours;—O pens at 6.30 a m and closes at 9 p m every day exeept Snnday Mails for ths North close at 8.45 a m, aod 2.15 p m. Mail for the South closes at 11 a m. Mails fer Odessa close at 11.20 a m and 7.30 p m. Mails for Warwick, Sassafras and Cecilton close at 11.20 a m. DELAWARE RAILROAD. Passenger trains going North leave at 9.10 a m and 2 39 p ra. ; going South at 11.27 a m aad 7.55 p m. Freight trains with passenger ear attached, going Nerlh, leave at 5.24 p m ; going South, at 6.30 a m. STAGE LINES Stage for Odessa, with U. S. Mail, leaves shortly after arrival of tbe 11.27 am and 7.55 p m mail trains. Stages for Warwick, Sassafras and Cecilton leave shortly after arrival of the 11.27 a m train. v FURNITURE. as children opposite untidy UNDERTAKING. UPHOLSTERING. The undersigned respectfully announces to ths citisens of Middletown and vicinity that he has cn hand a large and well selected stock of handsome and durable our he table, neat,x and grate; covers ling âmes while young away was from happy Harry," Walnut and Other Furniture, which he will sell very cheap for cash. Buy ing at wholesale cash rates he feels assured that he can sell as low as the same goods can be bought elsewhere. By baying of him pur chasers will be saved the freight on their goods from the city. He is also prepared to attend to Undertaking Work at short notice, and in a manner excelled by none. Persons wishing Metallic or Wood en Gaskets or Cases will And it to their ad vantage to call on him. He has, also, TAYLOR & SON'S •Celebrated Corpse Preserver, The Corpse may be dressed in the finest fab rics and not be soiled, (and can be seen at all times) as nothing but dry cold air enters the •Casket. GEORGE W. WILSON, Practical Cabinet Maker and Undertaker, Febl-12m Middletown Del. PURE GROUND RAW BONE And and many on the Furnished by car in lots of five tons and •upwards, or smaller quantities from store.— Parties ordering early will get all the benefits •of lowest prices. Also, materials for manu facturing Phosphate always on hand. Prices as low as tbe lowest, quality as good as the best. Orders aad inquiries by mail promptly Attended to. J. A. CRANSTON, Newport, Del. Feb 13—tjunl. £t \rrt foctrg. ROCK ME TO SLEEP. Backward, turn backward, O Time, in your flight ! Make me a child again, just for to-nigbt ! Mother, come back from the echole83 shore ; Take me again to your heart as of yore ; Kiss from my forehead the furrows of care ; Smooth the few silver threads out of my hair; Over my slumbers your loving watch keep; Rock me to sleep, mother, rock me to sleep ! Backward, flow backward, O tide of rears! I am so weary of toil and of tears ; Toil without recompense, tears all in vain ; Take them, and give me my childhood again ! I have grown weary of dust and decay, Weary of flinging my soul wealth away ; Weary of sowing for ethers to reap ; Rock me to sleep, mother, rock me to sleep ! Tired of the hollow, the bare, the untrue ; Mother, O mother, my heart calls for you ! Many a Summer the grass has grown green, Blossomed and faded, our faces between ; Yet with strong yearnings and passionate pain, Long I to-night for your presence again ; Come from the silence so long and so deep 1 Rock me to sleep, mother, rock me to sleep I Over my heart in the days that are flown, love like a mother's love ever has shone ! other worship abides and endures, Faithful, unselfish, and patient like yours; None like a mother can charm away pain From the sick soul, and the world-weary brain ; Slumber's soft calm o'er my heavy lids creep ; Rock me to sleep, mother, rock me to sleep ! Come, let your brown hair, just lighted with gold,. on my shoulders again, as of old ; it fall over my forehead tn-night, Shielding my faint eyes away from the light; with its sunny-edged shadows once more, Haply will throng the sweet visions.of yore; Lovingly, softly, its bright billows sweep ; me to sleep, mother, rock me to sleep ! Mother, dear mother! the years have been long 1 last hushed to your lullaby song ; then, and unto my soul it shall seem Womanhood's years have been but a dream ; Clasped to your arms in a laving embrace, your long lashes just sweeping my face, | hereafter to wake or to weep ; : me to sleep, mother, rock me to sleep ! selected a book from tbe crowded shelves, and sat down in tbe easy chair, whils Margaret drew her little sawing jiekt jitorg. MORTGAGED. "Ah," said Harry Graham, leokiDg across the tea-table at his pretty wife, "say wbat they may, there is nothing on earth so pleasant aa this having a home of one's own !" Mrs. Graham smiled fondly on her husband aa she banded him his care fully prepared cup of tea. "I am so glad you feel like that, Harry ; I will do my best to make it a happy heme for you." "You darling! You shall haves kiss for that sweet speech the moment tea is over!" cried tbe young husband, committing ravages among tbe "rolled" bread and butter, the home-made pre serves, the dainty shavings of dried beef and cold bam and the delicate cake, which his Margaret had furnished for her tea table on this first evening in their "very own home, you get these delicious quince pre serves, my dear ?" "I mada them, Harry." "Possible?" "Yes, I made them in the last days at the farm. Mother showed ma how." "Then you shall ask her to come and set us in our little cottage before the preserves art all eaten." "She will be very glad to cyme," asid Margaret, with a delighted look. "She never liked our plan of boarding, Harry." "What else could we do, my dear?" asked the young husband, in a slightly altered tone. "I was too poor to buy a house when we first married. As we could not well roost upon the trees like the birds when they begin life together, to board was the only way possible' But I never liked it myself," be added, his face clearing again. "It was a nuisance to be confined to two rooms 8 ; "Where did a as we were; and how John Grey's children did scream at night, on the w opposite side of the ball. Besides, that untidy chambermaid never half cleaned our rooms. Now this is wbat I like !" he concluded, rising from the sapper table, and glancing proudly round the neat,x bright parlor, with its open fire and easy chair drawn up beside the grate; its crimson curtains and table covers and carpets ; its tea-table, spark ling with china and silver, and ita tall, glass-door book-case, stowed with vol âmes which he was to read aloud, while his wife'sewed, on chilly, rainy evenings, such as this. Mrs. Graham raDg the bell. A tidy young servant maid came in and took away the tea things. When the room was made orderly for the evening, a handsome dressing gown and a pair of embroidered slippers appeared, conjured from some mysterious closet by the happy wife. "My first present to you in home, Harry," she said, with moistened eyes. ed And he drew her fondly toward him and gave her the promised kiss, with many another after it. Then, putting on the comfortable evening attire, he stand nearer the fire, and prepared to enjoy, with heart and soul, the first quiet evening beneath tbeir own roof But before the book was opened, a shadow bad fallen over the brightness of her joy "Your mother would like to look in at us now, my darling," said Harry, glancing round the pleasant room again. "I know she will think this bouse a bargain when she sees it. Six roems and a garden—a good sized garden, too —and all for two thousand dollars?" to ; ! ! "And tbe pretty furniture, Harry. All paid for, to«. That is the best of all ! and very good, substantial furni ture it is," replied his wife. "Yes. I was determined that it should be paid for, on tbe nail. What sticks I have about me must be own " "Oh, Harry! How can you call our nice new things sticks!" "Chairs and tables, then, child ! I got a good discount, by the way, be I paid cash down. I wish I could have done the same by tbe house. I might have bad it two hundred dol lars cheaper. However, if ful of our expenses, chickabiddy, we shall soon clear off the mortgage. It is only nine hundred dollars." The fancy work dropped from Mar garet's haods. "Nine hundred dollars!" she said, turning a little pale. "A mortgage! On this house, Harry?" "On whose house should it be?" said he, laughing. "Why, you look as scared as if I had stolen tbe house, child?" my cause we are carc "I thought it was paid for?" "How on earth did you suppose I could pay auch a sum down, and buy the furniture as well?" he answered, sharply. "I can tell you it took every cent I had in the bank, as it is." shall we do about them ?" asked she, "But the heuse expeuses ! What looking bewildered. He laughed again. "Is there no such thing as credit, Margaret ?" ed I and and you, six upon And en it Now lose I ceas- but and and And and hold my cally I The chiming bells of the French cleek rang out ten, aud Margaret rose and weot about the room, putting it j hut daintily in order before leaving it for But tbe night. Her pretty face was bloom- ! that in® and happy as ever, for at last she in saw the way eltar before her to banish, ■ Margaret ?" She was silent. "Get whatever you want at the shops, child. Of course you must be as economical as pessibls ; but still will live, you know months, or once in six months, I'll set tle the bills. Then whatever we have over shall go towards clearing off this mortgage that seems te be such a bug bear in your eyes." "I will save in every possible way, Harry," said she earnestly. "It is foolish, I suppose, but a mortgage is a bugbear to me. Father had a heavy one on his farm, Harry, aud the first thing I remember as a little child is seeing him sitting on tbe granary stair case near the big barn, sighing and groaning to himself. I was frightened, aod ran and told mother, and she kissed me and began to cry because she said the interest was due on the mortgage money that week, and poor father unhappy because he could see no way to pay it." "And did he pay it ?" questioned Harry, somewhat interested. "Yes. He borrowed tbe money some where, and then, of course, there was the interest to pay on that ; and so it went on, from bad to irorse, till father died, and tbe farm went bask to its owner. Mother said it bad fairly ried him into his grave," she added, wiping the tears from her eyes. • "You cannot wonder if I am afraid of mort gages after that." we Once in three was wor "But, pet, the two cases arc entirely different," said her husband, kissing her cheek. "Your father farmer, aDd found it almost impossible to raise money, I dare say. Now I am a thriving merchant, and, if all well, I hope to make enough the ing year to clear our home. Don't you see. Come, don't think of trouble more. was a poor goes corn ny Be as careful as you can in the house expenses, and you will find that w ® shall own our pretty borne, clear of aD J claim, before you know where you are ■" He drew her down to tbe wide crim son footstool before the fire, and resting her head upon his knee, began te read aloud. The fire and lamp «burned clearly, the pretty French clock on the mantel piece ticked musically, and raDg out its fairy chimes once before his voice ed to echo in her ear. Tbe book was was able to discuss it with him intelli gently as they lingered before the blaze for one deliciens half hour, before goiDg up stairs. Yet all the while her thoughtful eyes were seeing visions in the crimson coals, and her heart and brain were busily at work, devising plans te ward off the evil that, to her, seemed to be threaten ing the peace and comfort of their little dwelling, so loDg as any other person held a claim thereon. with the energy God had given her, this brooding cloud of evil from their domestic sky. to a in a * * * * * As their married life began, so it went on in the new home for nearly three years. The heuse expenses were carefully kept down by Margaret, who made one servant answer where many of her other friends kept two, and once in three months, er offener in six, as the days went on, the accounts were settled by the husband, cheerfully enough at first, but by and by with sighs and shakes of the head, which Margaret seemed not to notice, aad of which she certainly never spoke. During the last of the three years, Harry's handsome face began to wear a look of anxious care. Not a cent, so far. bad been laid aside to pay off the mortgage on their home, and the chance of success seemed less than ever to him now, because, like all others in busi ness, he began to see a time approach ing which would "try men's souls." The evening reading was gradually laid aside, and during the months of the third year Harry begaD to sit brooding after tea in his arm chair, before the empty hearth, till Margaret, without appearing to notice his depression, came to him and in duced him to accompany her on a walk. At such times be strode along beside her silent and sad, and returning to his home buried himself in the columns of the Banker's Day Book till it was time to go to bed. And all this time the true wife held of summer ber peace. She noticed everything— she guessed more ; but, till the ice was broken by him, it was not ber place to So it went on till that dreadful autumn season of crash after crash, ruin after ruin, old and long-established houses toppling into the gulf, and carrying a thousand minor ones with them in their fall. Men looked at each other with pale faces, asking, "Who will go next?" and all through the country, wave after wave, the wide of spreading rolled. During that one last hideous week of suspense, Harry Graham came and went between his store and his home, saying nothing, suffering everything. On Saturday evening he went out, alone, for a stroll after tea. But in half an hour he was back again, having made up bis mind in that brief time to tell Margaret all. He found her in the parlor. She sat beside the window, bending over a small package in her lap. At his sud den entrance she started and hid the package in her pocket, blushing so violently that at any other time he would have noticed and wondered at it But now his mind was full of his own troubles, and he had no leisure to notice trifles. He went straight up to hie wife and took both her hands. "Margaret," said he, "I am a ruin ed man. This panic—" And then he broke down and burst into tears. He fell upon bis knees be side ber chair. "Oh, Margaret," be sobbed, "I thought I could give you a pleasant home! And now we shall be beggars !" Margaret put ber arms around him, drawing his faee down upon her breast. When be was calmer, she kissed him and asked him to sit down beside ber and tell her all. She listened mutely. "And if the panic ends, and these country customers pay all that they owe you, can you go on, Harry?" she asked. "Yes; that is, I need not close the shop nor go through bankruptcy. But then, the panic may not end ; I see'no signs of it at present." "Panics always do end," said Mar garet, bopefully. "But in the meantime, Margaret, what are we to do? All the bills for six months past have come pouring iu upon me, and I Cannot meet them. And Sadler wants the mortgage money en this house. He has dunned me for it all the time since it fell due, aod lately he has threatened to foreclose. Now he says he will do it. We shall lose our borne and other people will suffer because I cannot pay these bills. I have strained every nerve to do it, but it is all in vain. I wish I was dead and out of the worry of it all." "Oh, Harry," cried his wife, proachfully. " Do you wsnt to die and leave ms ?" "They would net worry you for tbe money, my darling, as they do me.— And yet I cannot blame them," said he, sighing. " They want their money, and I feel like a thief as long as I with hold it from them. Margaret, I my mistake now !" he added, energeti cally "Credit has been my bane. If I was beginning life again, I would buy nothiDg that I could not pay for at tbe moment ; and before I would live in a mortgaged house I would build a log j hut for myself at the foot of a tree! But there! It is too late to talk like ! that !" he concluded, burying his face in bis hands, ■ be a a old had over it tion. are a some like as to fight, was — re see posed land. the dark, ple side " No, dear! It is not too late! It her, their ;• is never too late to try and do better said Margaret, wiping the tears from her own eyes. Harry, I have always dreaded debt, as you know, and I am so glad to hear you say that you have grown afraid of it, too. Oh ! my dear, dear husband, take this. Pay all that we owe—pay off the mortgage on the house—and then we will live on bread and water, if needs be, till the better days come round again." "This" was a purple morocco poeket book, well-filled, which she thrust into it who as of so his haods, laughing and weeping at the same moment, in her joy. " Open it—open it, Harry,' "It is all yours she sobbed. I have. saved it for you." He opened it It was full of bank notes—tens, twenties, fifties, and two one hundred dollar notes nestling in a compartment to themselves. Fifteen hundred dollars in all ! "Where in the world did all this money come from ?" he asked, with an astonished look. Margaret wiped away her tears and kissed him. "Isn't it delightful, dear?" "But is it yours, Margaret?" "It was. It is yours now, Harry." But where did you get it?" he per sisted. "I have not been out on the highway to rob people, and I have net commit ted burglary," laughed Margaret,whose good spirits began te come back. ' 1 Come up stairs, Harry, and you shall seo the good fairy that earned it." He followed her, with a bewildered look, up into a pretty back chamber, furnished with chairs, table and a stove. Near one of the windows stood some thing covered over with a cloth. Mar garet drew the cloth aside. It was a sewing machine. "Ever since I knew about the mort gage on the house I have used this," she said, looking at him with her eyes full of love. "I had all the work I could possibly do in your absence, and I was well paid for it. And when Uncle John came to see us this spring, he gave me the two hundred dollar bills for a birth-day present, and I am so glad if this money can help in yeur troubles, Harry." "Help me! It will save me!" said her husband, clasping her to his heart, "Oh, Margaret, I will- repay you for your gift a thousand fold when once the good times come back again. This will pay off the mortgage, and settle the bills, and pay our way through the year, if we are careful. Oh, Margaret, what a treasure you are !" "And we will ask no more credit, she whispered with her lips close to his ear. 5? "Not a bit, my love—so help me God. I say it reverently, my wife." And be has kept hia vow. A Cheese Story. The greatest ammunition that we have heard ef lately was used by the celebrated Commodore Coe, of the Mon tevidian Navy, who, in an engagement with Admiral Brown of the Buenos Ayres service, fired every shot from bis locker. "What shall we do, sir?" asked the first lieutenant, " we've not a single shot aboard—round, grape, canister aod double beaded all gone." "Powder gone, eb ?" asked Coe. "No sir; got lots of that." "We had confounded hard cbeeae— a round Duteh one, for desert at dinner to-day ; don't you remember it ?" said Coe. "I ought to—I broke the carving knife trying to cut it, sir." "Are there any on board !" "About two dozen, took 'em from a drover." "By thunder, Commodore, tbat'a the idea; I'll try 'em," cried the first luff. And in a few minutes, tbe fire of the old Santa Maria (Coe's ship), which had ceased entirely, was reopened, and Admiral Brown found more shot flying over his head. Directly one of them struck bis mainmast, and as it did so scattered aBd flew in every direc tion. "What the deuce is it that the enemy are firing?" asked Brown—but nobody could tell. Directly another one came in through port hole and killed two women who stood near him ; then striking the bul warks burst into flinders "By jove, this is too much; this is some Dew Paixham or other—I don't like 'em at all !" cried Brown ; and then, four or five more of them eame slap through their sails, he gave tho orders fill away, actually backed out of the fight, receiving a parting broadside of Dutch cheese. This is an actual fact ; our informant was the first lieutenant of Coe's ship. Exchange. The Cleveland City Council is com posed of the handsomest men in Cleve land. They are all married, and when the sessions are protracted until after dark, their wives afford beautiful exam ple of femalo devotion, by waiting out side the Chamber to escort them safely borne. For the Transcript . Beautiful Things. BY If. A . KIDDER. A gentle voice, a heartfelt sigh, A modest blnsh, a speaking eye, A manner unaffected, free ; These things are beautiful to me. A ready band, a laving heart, A sympathy that's free from art, A real friend among the few These things are beautiful and true. A mother's prayer, an answer mild, An aged sire, a little child, A happy home, « cheerful hearth ; These things are beautiful on earth. A joyful song, a chorus sweet, An earnest soul, and willing feet, A day of peace, a night of rest, These tilings are beautiful and blest. A sister's love, a brother's care, A spotless name, a jewel rare, A cleanly tongue, that will not lie ; These things are beautiful—and why? Because they all are born of love, And emanate from God above ; An earnest of the heavenly birth, These things are beautiful on earth. Kisriug. Mra. Swisshelm, wierd and wisen as tbe sybil Endor, has emerged from the dark backwood and abysm of a remote antiquity and entered her voice on kiss She thinks it a perilous custom, IDg and chastely records herself aa adverse to it except in cases of great pressure of emergency. Tbe Brooklyn trial seems to bave inspired this spectral reappear ance and this solemn croak of virtuous warning. It. is not surprising. Tbe amount of kissing done by the impul sive and affectionate persons who are embraced in tbe toils of that celebrated I process appears te have beeu tremen dous. No wouder that an obsolete bombazine matron, for centuries unac «ustomed to this improper sort of thing, | should emerge from oblivion and rise to a peint of order. Concerning the I testimony of a lady that in a time of profound sorrow and despair she gave a sympathetic and religious kiss to the Plymouth pastor, Mrs Swisshelm de clares that no sorrow and sympathy, can render their irregular osculations other I than perilous, and that to be strictly | secure and in order a woman must never kiss a parson until he is dsad. It would be idle for us to claim as much knowledge on this intricate and impor tant question as Mrs. Swisshelm posses ses, but really it seems as if she laying down too rigid and unbending a | were law. Kissing is an ancient and gra cious mode of salutation, very highly I spoken of in the Bible and other sacred books, and much in vogue all over tbe ] world, except amoDg the lower tribes of savages, who substitute for it a | furieus rubbing together of noses. It I would be a most unhappy result if. because some of tbe Brooklyn saints I and sinners had kissed not wisely but too much, tuet henceforward all kiss 6 t» , . ° °' Because thou art virtuous shall there be do more cakea and ale ? Even that matura vestal virgin Susan B. Anthony would hardlya cquiesee in the wintry' severity of this decree She might forego such salutations on her own account; but bow could she expeet to rally women around her at the blast of her reformatory fog-horn if she forbade them to kiss orbe kissed or only indulged them with an occasional | it ing should be interdieted. matron. shot at a deceased parson or mummied missionary. She would have no dis ciples exeept, perhaps, a few black-1 p I alpaea veterans, with withered, fear compelling fronts, who didn't want to kiss any body, or be kissed to any tent involving anxieties or lawsuits. These would not constitute an effective I reformatory army. There ia not much chance that Mrs. Swissheltn's counsel ex will seriously diminish tbe aggregate of kissing the world over. It seems tobe a pretty constant quantity, and though 0B not accurately measurable by statistics, it doubtless bears an iuvariable relation to the table of population. So much is a maternal er paternal, so much filial, so much fraternal, so much conjugal, so ? much ceremonial or salutatory, and much (the unknown quantity) miscel laneous aDd unclassified. Asa literary I lady of several centuries of experience, t 50 Mrs. Swisshelm will doubtless recall tb Leigh Hunt's vivacious and grateful c lines, founded upon an incident which I befell when he bore to Carlyle that the Government had just granted I or the great Scotchman a pension of £300 | dat we so news a year. ''Jenny kissed me when we met, Jumping from the chair she sat in, Time, you thief, who love to get Sweets into your list, put that in. Say I'm weary, say I'm sad, • Say that health and wealth have missed Say I'm growing old, but add, Jenny kissed me." Certainly Mrs. Swisshelm would not have had this graceful and becoming salutation foregone, else where would have been the pretty poetry in which it is so musically bistoried she forget that the beautiful Georgians, Duchess of Devonshire, carried tho Westminister election on a critical occasion by bestowing a kiss upon influential constituent who drove the elevating aud butchar. That calebrated kits brought in bell the the me, Nor must an ennobling trade of the Whigs into power, and accomplish ed such an important series of political results that, if Mrs. Swisshelm were once to read of them, she would revoke her interdict of kisses and confess that properly distributed and seasonably ap plied they are not injurious to the in dividual and are of profound benefit to society.— N. Y. World. Pride and Grief. j It was just after the funeral. The IJsereaved and subdued widow enveloped in millinery gloom was seated in the sitting-room with a few sympathizing I friends. There was that constrained look, so peculiar to the occasion, ob I servable on every countenance. The I widow sighed. "How do you feel, my dear," ob ! served her sister. "Oh, I don't knew," said the poor I woman, with difficulty restraining her tears. "But I hope everything passed off well." "Indeed it did," said all the ladies. 1 "It was as large and respectable a funeral as I have seen this winter," said I the sister, looking around upon the others. "Yes, it was," said the lady from the next door. "I was saying to Mrs. Slocum, only ten minutes ago, that the attendance couldn't have been better— the bad going considered." "Did you see tbe Taylors?" asked the widow, faintly, looking at her sis ter. "They go so rarely to funerals that I was quite surprised to see them here." I here> " " id the •/"Prizing ,ilter - "As you say, they go but a little ; they are so excluaive." "Oh, yea; the Taylors wert all "I thought I saw the Curtises also, 1 | Ba S« e8ted the bereaTed woman, droop ingly. "Oh, yes, They came in their own carriage, toe," said the sister, animatedly, "And then there were the Randalls and the I I ^ nd ^ rs ® a ® d "H wore a vary heavy | b ' ack which I am sure was quite new. Did you see Colonel Haywood and his daughters, lova?" "I thought I saw them, but I wasn't sure. They were here than, were they ?" "Yes, indeed," said they all again, chimed in several. Van Rensalaera. Mrs. Van Rensalaer bad her cousin from the city with her. | ,nd tho lad y who lived aoroM tb ® way a | tho lad y who lived aoroM tb ® way observed— gra I "The Colonel was very sociable, and in< l uired m08t kindly «bout you and the tbe ] a ' ckne8S of your husband." The widow smiled faintly. She was a | |> ratified by the inter * Bt * hown by the It I Lo ; oneI . if. ^ be fr ' ends n * w r08e t0 each I blddln « her good-by, and expressing but the bope that Bbe would be calm - Ber 8ister bowed tbem "»■ When she re tamed, she said : °' "You nan ep» 1 »«. -u.» ,l. 10 can 8ee > my l0Te ' what the ? nei « hbor8 ' b *"k of it. I wouldn't have had an y ,hin g unfortunate happened for in a 6 00< i deaL But D0,hia « did. The arraB g ement8 couldn't have bean bet on ter " tbink 8#me of tb# P®°P le in tbe at D « i * bborbood must have been surprised if '® 8ea 80 manjr of tbe u P' t0WD people or b,re '" 8 "gg® 8te d the afflicted woman, | try ' n ^ t0 * ook bo P®f" b "Yon may be quite sore of that," asserted the sister. "I could see that a a it done sent dis here yarth about tree p ^ a * n enon 6 b b J tbe ' r look* " "Well, I am glad there ia no oc casion for talk," said the widow, I smoothing the skirt of her dress. And after that the boys took the to I oba ' rB boiD ®» and the house was put in order ' Danbury News. -*- of A young mau of Cairo, 111., while talking to an old gray-headed darkey 0B tbe extreme cold weather, asked tho °I6 man if be could explain the reason, The old man said, "Why, yea, darn a ' ot anything sing'ler 'bout it. I can explain dat in about a minit. Don't ? ou 'member dat comat what we had I The young man answered that he did t 50 * remember the circumstances, when tb ® °W man said, "Well, de fact ia dat c °mat struck dis yarth and caused dat I yarthquake, and it butted so hard dat I or ^ 0Ur hundred miles furder north, and | dat ' 8 d ® cause of the present cold weather." las' fall ? And don't you 'member dat we had a yarthquake about dat time ?" An aristocratic but economical matron • in Chicago has bought a forty-cent tea bell and invented a paragon of servants, whose only imperfection ia her deaf ness. When she has company at tea, the mistress rings and rings for the cake basket, or mere hot water, or something, then, with the remark that Jane gets deafer and deafer every day, goes for it herself and return*, main taining a ventriloquial conversatien j with the imaginary Jane all the way up the basement stairs. my an Iowa woman aa she found her hnsband hanging in the atable. "There! that explains where olothes-line went to!" exclaimed to Oarifties. Ole Bull is 65 years old. The father of all corns—pop oorn. Varley, the preacher, was originally a London butcher. George Sand is to take the Btseher case as a plot for a novel. Senator Sumner's funeral expenses amounted to 029,000. The manufacture of porcelain is car ried on successfully in this country. Wah Lee, the champion Chinese laundryman, has an income of 01700 a week. The wine bill for King Kalakaua in New York was 01582.10. What were the ten oents for. Make no more vows to perform this or that; it shows no great strength, and makes thee ride behind thyself.— [Fuller. A. T. Stewart is said te contemplate building a hotel at Washington, after the plan of the Grand Union at Sara toga. Farewell performances of prominent adresses are now appropriately charac terized as "Much adieu about noth ing. There is an Anti-Profanity Society in Clarksville, Tenu., which chargee its members five cents for every oath indulged in. Every right thinking man involun tarily drop* a tear as he sees the women wading through the enow in search of spring bonnets A party of three adventurous Ameri cans have recently made the perilous ascent of that loftiest of volcanoes, Popocatepetl, in Mexico. Chignons are rapidly going out of fashion. What will the barbers, the tanners, and Indian scalpers do with their surplus hair now ? 'As long as I've played Old Sledge,' said James Henry, 'this Jaggar-De Koven business is the first time I've known low te beat high en a square game." When Harper's Basar cornea te ua with four patterns for "First Common ion dresses," it would appeear that Fashion had invaded the Kingdom of Heaven. The spirit of Christopher Colombos, through a Boston medium,« says the two hemispheres were separated 12,000 years ago. The day is not given. A young man writing te a young lady whom he had naver aeon, naked : "Are your eyes dark or asure?" And ■he replied: "Azure fancy is, I asure you." "What plan,' said one aelor to an other, "shall I adopt to fill the houee at my benefit?" "Invite your credi torï » wa| the surlv renlv ,,' v ? j: , "Your -on d.ed rather ,odd..ly yea terda J> of thr08 ' disease," is what an Idaho sheriff wrete te a fond mother in T j- .u .a j lDd,aM tb ® °' har day. During the continnanoe of tha Fan R"« strike, the operetivee lost 090-, 000 wages, end 010,000 was contrib nted 10 th#ir ,Bppport * ' rad#8n,,n ; A Louisville woman has snsd a Lodge of Knights of Pythias for 050, 000 for having fatally injured her hos band daring the initiation ceremonies, In a house now being built for an Amherst College professor all the water pipe8 ara to ba imbedded in the chim neys, thus preventing the poseibility of freezing. An ingenious Virginia distiller con verted a cave and a hollow tree grow ing over it to hia purpose of defrauding the revenue, the tree serving as a con cealed chimney. In Paris, peeple get tired of living and commit suicide at the rate of one a day and it is probable that more would indulge iu the practice were it not auch a "common thing." The saddest thing in life ia the specta cle afforded by a young person who baa burnt all the hair off har forehead with a hot slate pencil, and cannot afford to buy a row of eurle. The Rochester Democrat man ia dis quieted by Miss Eastman's allusion to buttons on angels' under-olothing. He had hoped that, as an angel, he would be spared their use. Were we to take aa much pains to be what we ought to be es we do to dis guise what we really are, we might ap pear like ourselves, without being et the trouble of any disguise at all. A prophetic lecture ia Western New York, Baraed Barbour, is going to bring the world to an end on the 6th of next month. He has fignred it all oat nicely, and is aura that will be dooms day. There are five pairs in the present United States Senate, the Camerons, Joneses, Ferrys, Johnsons and Morrills. Thia Minister Schenck would call a de cidadly geod band, play them ? How weald ha It may be laid down as a genera] rule that no woman who hath any graat pretensions to admiration is ever well pleased in a company where she per ceives herself to fill only the second place.-[Fielding.