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Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, March 22, 1899, Image 1

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(THE NATIONAL BANK OF AUGUSTA
L. C. KAYNE, Pres't. F. G. FORD, Cashier.
Capital, ?250,000.
Surplus nml ) Ol IA AAA
Undivided Profits ? V *? I V,UUv.
Facilities of our magnificent Now Vault
[containing 110 ^.nfety-Loc.& Bosos. Plffer
lent Sizes ar? offered to our patrons and
I tho public at ?3.UU to $10.00 por annum.
THOS. J. ADAMS PROPRIETOR
THIS
PLANTERS
LOAN AND
SAVINGS
BARK.
AUGUSTA, GA.
Pay.8 IntcrosT^
on Deposits.
Accounts
Solicited.
JJ. C. HATNE,
President.
W. C. WABDLATT,
Cashier.
EDGEFIELD, S. C.. WEDNESDAY, MARCH 22, 1899.
VOL.. LXIV. NO. 12
SPRING IN
Snreiy.snrely be?s aro humming ia tho mazy
tangles sweet;
Spring.with April smiles 13 coaling: There
are lilies at her feet !
Mocking birds in beach-blooms singing tL'iU
with joy tho dreamy air,
And the green is on the meadow, and the
wild flowers cluster there !
N INLAND
BY C. A. S
Rufus Rumllett is another instance
to prove that "the boy is father to the
anau." When 16 years of age he helped
to invent an armor-clad coasting sled,
"the Rantum-Scooter," and he alone
steered it down Wilkins hill to victory
over the "Number Seven" boys; and
now he is commander of an armor-clad
ship, quito fis~~capable, I doubt not.of
routing an enemy.
The schoolhouse in "Number Sis,"
where we underwent a mild form of
education together, stood.at the forks
of the county road, with the cross
town road, which led down Wilkins
hill, on one side and ?Jill hill on the
othsr. The -county road extended
north and south, along the crest of a
tina, broad ridge of land divided into
ten fertile farms, owned by as many
well-to-do farmers whose families
made up our school district.
Wo young people of Number Six
had always been a little inclined to
look down on the boys and girls of
Number Seven at the Corners, near
the foot of Wilkins hill, for the deni
zens of Number S?ven were a some
what poor and shiftless lot. The
larger boys were pugnacious and ill
disposed, and unless a schoolmaster
were strong eaoagh to thrash four or
five of them, he must suffer the hu
miliation of being carried out of the
schoolhouse.
At Number Six,on the contrary, the
pupils were well-advanced, self-re
specting and orderly. Au able teacher
was required, but less to govern than
to instruct. Still, I now think that
the contempt in which we held, the
Number Seven boys was rather phar
isaical, and I do not wonder they re
sented it. Wo nicknamed them "bog
trotters," an'1 ?hey retorted by calling
us "hill dogo;" Tho two districts
also belonged to two rival political
parties, a fact which sharpened the
animosity betweeu them.
Wilkins hill was tue best coasting
place in the couuty. It consisted of
five steep pitches, with intervals of
less abrupt descent between them,
which made altogether a run of more
tha
yon
broc
\>
: 1
.- I
terrifk
est pitt
might e
Boys fn
afraid tc-nj me hill, but if a Number
Six boy had not made the "run" at
13 or li years of age we deemed him
a backward lad.
. The coasting sleds most in favor
with us were small and narrow. They
were shod with half-round steel shoes,
which were slightly bowed* to make a
"spring" space of an inch at the mid
dle'of the runner. Our favorite pos
ture for cor sting on this hill was face
downward, with toes extended behind
to aid in steering. Usually in start
ing at the top of the hill we ran for
ward, one after another, flung our
selves down on our sleds aud thus set
off at speed.
On moonlit evenings, when there
were girls -in the party, trains were
often made up of ten or twelve sleds
-some of them large hand-sleds, ou
which four or five could sit nt ease.
The forward or leading sled was called
the "engine" and was steered by one
of the oldest, strongest boys. Such a
train,humming down that long hill by
moonlight, gaining speed at every pitch
till it shot past the Corners at Num
ber Seven, going (50 miles an hour, af
forded au exhilarating spectacle.
There was an almost uninterrupted
view from top to bottom of the long
descent; and besides tho steerer on
the engine the^e was a "hornman,"
whose business it was to blow a_tin
horn if we saw a team or pedestrian
coming np. All the others, too, jc .ned
in a tremendous shout of "Road! road!
road!"
The hill was so long that not more
than three or four coasts could be
made in an eveniug and generally not
more than x>ne during the noon inter
mission, when school was in session.
A hired man from one of the farms,
with a span of horses and a long piing
sleigh, saved ns the drudgery of pull
ing our sleds up the hil!.
Laws relative to coastiug -were not
then very strict in Maiue.and we sup
posed we had a right to coast down
the road at GO miles an hour. Nobody
had crer made any objection. The
only drawback to the sport was that
we had to run past the schoolhouse in
Number Seven, and the bog-trotters
were accustomed to rush out and pelt
us with snowballs. The place was i
locally known as Wilkins Corners.
There had been good coasting for
three or four weeks before Rufus
Rundlett devised the Eantum-Scooter;
the entire hill was smooth as glass.
Nearly every morning, noon and night
some of us Number Six boys were
coasting, and often there were 2'ai'ties
of 20 or 30.
The loafers . and bog-trotters had
jeered at us as we flew past and snow
balled us as in former years, but be
fore long the Number Seven boys
actually undertook to stop all Number
Six coasters. They rolled great snow
balls into the road in front of the
schoolhouse and built a. high fort clear
across the roid. Four of our boys
who started to coast down were ob
liged to take to the ditch. The bog
trotters then rushed from their fort
and by pelting them with snowballs
forced them to run back up the hill.
They shouted that no hill dog should
pass that sehooIhouHe.
Eut as their fort stopped teams as
well as coasters, one of the selectmen
of the town ordered them to remove
it at once, and during the following
evening a train of teu sleds from Num
ber Six coasted defiantly by,
WINTER.
There's a sense of summer sweetness In tho
broad fields and the dp'!s
And a chime-or is it fancy?-of remem
bered heather-bells !
And the mildest suns aro-shining, and tho
# skies aro bright with bluo,
And in gardens Love is twining ?iii his rarest
wreaths for you !
-Frank L. Stanton.
RON-CLAD.
- I*
?EPHENS.
' But the next noon they played a
new and worse trick on us. Eight of
ten of us set oif to go down singly,one
sled a ?ew yards behind another, when,
as we drew near Number Seveu school
house, Rufus Rundlett, who 'was
ahead, noticed that Matthias Monson,
one of the larger boys at the Corners,
was standing on one side of the road
and his brother Lem ou the other.
"Look out for snowballs!" Rufus
shouted back to us. Neither he nor
any of the rest of us saw that a new
rope lay across the road on the snow
till the Monseu boys, raised it and
caught us. Rufus' sled was capsized,
aud all the rest of ns were piled up in
a heap-. Some of us were scraped off
our sleds, some had their sleds upset;
for the Number Seven crowd had
three or four boys at .each end of the
'rope, and as fast as a sled came along
it was caught by the rope aud jerked
over. Meantime a dozen other Num
ber Seven boys were raining snow
balls upon us. Wc had to pick our
selves up, recover our sleds aud get
away as best we could.
"Try it again!" they shouted after
us. "If you think 3-011 can run by
Number Seven try it again!"
For a day or two we had little dis
position to try it again; they were too
big aud too many for us to thrash, as
we would, perhaps have beeu justified
in doing, and we Hid not dare to try
the coast; but ve chafed nuder the re
straint and beat our brains for a de
vice t? break it effectually.
'"Dol" Edmunds, who, after Rufus,
was probably the most energetic of
our boys, proposed to run a big mar
ket pnng sleigh down, taking one of
the thills under each arm a? he lay
face downward on his narrow coasting
sled between them. This feat had
sometimes beeu performed on the hill
by the older boys. Dol's ide*, was that
the piing, loaded Avith ten or a dozen
boys, would break the rope or jerk it
away from those who tried to hold it.
It was evident, however, that if the
rope were so held as to upset his sled
the pung thills would drop aud the
_. JULU M ji 1,1 ru 110 IAS 14IIA
steer the pnng in that way aud be
completely covered by it.
The most of ns were afraid, how
ever, that the bog-trotters would
scrape us off of the pung with their
rope. At this stage of tue argument
Rufus proposed making the pung into
a wooden armor-clad.
Dol and he worked nearly all the
following night. They took off the
low pung-box and replaced it with one
far larger and stronger, made of joist
and pine boards. It covered the pung
runners entirely, being over eight
feet long by four feet wide, and the
sides ro?o toa height of over three
feet, quita sufficient to shield all who
sat within them. .The boc was made
fast to the runners and had a kind of
prow in front, projecting three or four
feet in a wedge-shaped triangle.
When they hauled it to the school
house next day everyone who saw it, in
cluding our woman teacher, agreed it
was the most singular "coaster" ever
seen in those parts. Rufus,when lying
under it on his little sled to steer,was
almo3t completely hidden from view;
and a short trial trip down the first
pitch of the hill showed it to be nec
essary that he should be strapped to
th? littlo sled.
Rnfus was read}' to start at once,
but the courage of many of the boys
was not quite equal to taking passage
in so. novel a contrivance. Indeed,
some little bravery was required, for
if Rufus failed to steer it broken necks
might be the result. Then, too, no
one knew how strong the bog-trotters'
rope would prove to be* or what would
happen when we ran foul of it.
But next day, after we had eaten
our noon lunch,Rufus having sent his
father's hired man, with a- span of
horses,down thehill in advance,plnced
himself under the pung in position
for steering.
"Come on, bovs!" he called, "who's
afraid?"
Dol Edmunds was the first to climb
in, and nine of as followed him.
"Shove off!" exclaimed Rufus, and
in a moment more we were gliding
down tho first pitch. Altogether the
pung, the heavy box and its load of
boys must have weighed a ton. It
rapidly gathered speed. Down tho
second pitch it swept, hummed across
the level stretch and took tho third
jjiteh, faster and faster.
It was amazing that Rufus steered
so well, but he seemed to know how
at once. My own sensations swung
between terror and a wild elation.
Down the long fourth pitch wo shot,
gaining tremendous headway. The
piing was now going so fast that the.
jar and jolting motion had entirely
ceased. It seemed as if the roa* had
been oiled. Tho keen rush of cold air
cut our faces,and brought to my eyes,
I remember, was a haze of tears,
through which I saw dimly a wild pro
cession of hurrying trees aud roadside
fences.
The Number Seven boys had seen ns
coming. As we headed down the fifth
and last pitch we heard them shouting,
and s zveu or c-ight of them ran across
th?, road.
"They're stretching their rops!"
Dol exclaimed. Jumping to his feet,
he pull-jd off his red woolen muffler
and waved it defiantly, while wc all
yelled like wild Indian9. The bog
trotters yelled back defiance and raised
their rope. In their ignorance they
THE NATtONAL'BANK OF AUGUSTA
L. C. HATNE, Prc't. F. G. FORD, Cashier.
Capital, ?250}000.
Surplus RIK! I Qi IA AAA
Undivided Profits i ?HU.VUU.
^Facilities of our magnificent Now Vault
containing ?I0 Safely..Lock Bosos. Differ
ent Sizes are cffored to our patrons und
the public at 43.00 to $10.00 por annum.
THOS. J. ADAMS PROPRIETOR.
PLANTERS
LOAN AND
SAVINGS
BANK.
AUGUSTA, GA.
Pays Interest
on Deposits?
Accounts
Solicited.
JJ. C. HATNE,
President.
W. O. WABDLAW,
Cashier.
EDGEFIELP, S. C.. WEDNESDAY. MARCH 15, 1899.
VOL. LXIV. NO. ll.
REVIVAL OF
$ The Election of Brigham H.
|5 Utah is a Test Case b
Christian churches of different de
nominations, all over the land, have
now taken up the anti-polygamy cru
sade, aud, at the present time, it is
the absorbing topic.
For the second time in our history,
the hydra of polygamy has lifted its j
head in defiance of the American peo
ple. Utah, repudiating the sacred
pledges it gave as an essential condi
tion of admission to Statehood, has
not only failed to suppress the crime
of plural marriage, but has promoted
and encouraged it. Emboldened by
apparent public indifference, it lately ?
elected to Congress a notorious poly
gamist with three wives. This man
a convicted offender-is knocking at
thg doors of our national legislature,
and claiming the right to a voice and
vote in making laws for the American
people. Public indignation, slow to
awake, has beon fully aroused in pro
test against so shameless a proceed
ing, and the demand is universal and
insistent that Congress should exer
cise its prerogative and purge itself
of the contamination. From every;
Stu??2-Utah alone excepted-there
will thunder like a Niagara, ana ou;
legislators at Washington will do well
to give it heed.
Resplendent in the gold seal of the
State of Ulah, handsomely engrossed
on parchment and signed by the Sec
retary of State, the credentials of
Brigham H. Roberts, of Utah, have
finally put in an appearance in tho
House of Representatives at Washing
ton. They were received by Clerk
McDowell, and after being indorsed as
to the time of receipt were deposited
in the big safe wherein all the creden:
tials of members of Congress are pre
served.
The document is a very simple onoi
except in the elegance of its execu
tion, and in this respect Utah has
called in the best resources of the
steel engraver and engrosser. The
credentials were executed at Salt
Lake City on December 10, but not
until now have they reached the au
thorities of the House for filing. They
are about the last to come, as most of
the credentials were filed soon after
the November elections. The matter
now goes over to the Fifty-six Con?
gress, which alone has power to deal
with Roberts.'
Roberts's nomination for Congress,'
it is said, was brought about through
the influence of tho Mormon Apostle,
Heber J. Grant, and the "Church of
the Latter Day Saints." His record
was well known, and it waB decided
to make au aggressive campaign and
exert all the influence of the Mormon
hierarchy to secure his election and
admission in Congress. Repeatedly
the church was urged to withdraw
him from the race, but it refused. In
thc very crisis of the campaign, the
THE GHEAT MORMON TE
[No Gentile eyes havo ever gazed upon
Laico. Not ovoQ all Mormons are admitted,
passed within its portals. It is declarod th
talus hack of thc olty. Tho Mormons wors!
kept tho records ot tho plural marriages, s;
Governor of Utah, who is not a Mor
mon, wishing to avert the shame that
would como upon tho State from such
n choice, pleaded with the people not
to elect the avowed polygamist; but
tho Mormon power was supreme, and
Roberts wan triumphantly elected.
Brigham II. Roberts, accordiug to
tho publiahed accounts, has contracted
turee marriages. Hi3 wives ave Louisa)
Smith Roberta, Celia Dibblo Robert*
and Margaret 0? Shipp B?berg The
-I
POLYGAMY, g
--- >k
ss*. . - \*4
Roberts to Congress From <?>
J|l)efiant Mormonism. g$
two first named livo in Centreville,
near Salt Lake City, and the third is 1
?a practicing physician in that city., In
february, 1S87, he was indicted by
the Grand Jury of the United States
.before the Third District Court of
Utah, for continuous and unlawful :
.cohabitation "with more than one
iwonian as his wives." The indictment
-was filed February li, a warrant was I
issued the same day, he was arrested 1
LTON AND BEEHIVE HOUSES OP
[The Lion House is tho building on tho r
Chamber, tn which are held the meetings be
On tho left is tho beehive house, dwellings ^
on the fifteenth of the same month,
but was not arraigned until April 29,
1889, when ho entered a plea of
guilty. On May Jl, 1889, he was
sentenced to four months' confine
ment in the Utah penitentiary and a
fine of $200.
The entire Protestant clergy of tho
State of Utah have united in an effort
to defeat the Mormon plans, and have
issued a statement exposing, in no
measured language, the general con
dition of the Mormon clement in Utah
to-day. That statemout among other
matters, says:
"Of such cases ('celestial' or 'plural
marriages'), more than 2000 have come
to our notice, and this living has re
sulted in the birth of more than 1000
children since Statehood was granted
January 4, 1896. Religious adultery
goes unpunished and the 'kingdom'
-"""a anflf.e. TVnm fV?? *?
j words:
MORMON TH HING HOUSE-ONE SOUItCE
OF MORMON' STRENGTH.
[In this house the Mormon Church gath
ers its sinews of wnr. Every Mormon,
high or low, rich or poor, uust contribute
hts share to the mninteuanco of tho Church.
This is tho pince whore tho faithful deliver
thoir financial offerings, which amount
every year to a gigantic sum. Through
the tithing system tho Church has scoured
funds to carry on the war It is waging for
-Boberts.l
"If the Mormon theory of marriage
is right, then we ought all to follow
the Mormon priesthood and rely on
Prophet, Seer and Revelator Snow for
guidance in every spiritual and tem
poral concern. If the people of thc
United States are right on the ques
tion of marriage, then tho Mormon
god is a polygamous adulterer whose
'chief glory' is the commission of
crime. If the people of the United
States aro right, this god exists only
in theory aud for the purpose of mask
IMPLE AND TABERNACLE,
tho interior ot tho Groat Temple at Salt
. Oaly those high in the Church have ever
nt socket tunnels connect it with tho moun
htn in tho Tabernacle. In the Templo arc
ito from Gentile eyo?. I
ing the Inst of tho Mormon, Metallize*
3ek priesthood. .
"The election of B. E. Robert? is
the practical challenge of Mormonism
on the question of whether plural
marriage is a virtue or a crime. How ?
are wo going lo answer the challenge?" j
If thero are any who suppose that |
Brigham H. Roberta is going to give
up the fight he is making to secure a
Boat in Congress and resigo, they min
take the decorate character of the man, |
THE NATtONAL'BANK OF AUGUSTA
L. C. HATNE, Prc't. F. G. FORD, Cashier.
Capital, ?250}000.
Surplus RIK! I Qi IA AAA
Undivided Profits i ?HU.VUU.
^Facilities of our magnificent Now Vault
containing ?I0 Safely..Lock Bosos. Differ
ent Sizes are cffored to our patrons und
the public at 43.00 to $10.00 por annum.
THOS. J. ADAMS PROPRIETOR.
PLANTERS
LOAN AND
SAVINGS
BANK.
AUGUSTA, GA.
Pays Interest
on Deposits?
Accounts
Solicited.
JJ. C. HATNE,
President.
W. O. WABDLAW,
Cashier.
EDGEFIELP, S. C.. WEDNESDAY. MARCH 15, 1899.
VOL. LXIV. NO. ll.
A CANNIBAL EXECUTION;
Tho Victim Is Torn to Pieces anti Dis
appears Instantly.
Many of the B?tetela tribe fought
side by side with the whites in the
recent war with the Arabs which re
sulted in the expulsion of all the Arab
slave dealers from the Congo state in
Africa. Tbe B?tetela cannibals are
splendid fighters, but are among the
worst savages who have been found in
Africa. . "During excursions in the
neighborhood of their town," wrote
Dr. Hinde,. ihe famous traveler,," "I
on more than one occasion saw a public
execution. When the chief of a town,
who is of course nu absolute monarch,
decides that a man must die, he hands
him over to the people. Tue man is
immediately torn to pieces and disaj)
pears as quickly as a hare is broken
up by a pack of hounds. Every man
lays h ld of him at once with one
baud and with the other whips off a
piece with his knife; no one stops to
kill him first, for he would, by so
doiug.lose his piece. .More tbauonce,
after a drumhead court-martial, when
a spy or deserter was shot, the on
lookers bave Paid to us, 'Why]jdo you
bury bim? It's no use; when yon are
gone we shall, of course, dig him up.'
Hanging fetiches over the grave with
a view to preventing the people from
touching it for fear of magic had no
effect. These people seem to have no
form of religion whatever, and no fear
of death or evil spirits. Through the
whole of the B?tetela country,.extend
ing from the Lubefu to the Lui ki and
from the Lurimbi northward for some
five days' march, one sees neither gray
hairs, nor halt nor blind. Even
parents are eaten by their children on
the first sign of ajiproaching decrepi
tude. It is easy to understand that,
under the circumstances, the B?tetela
have the appearance of a spleudid
race. These cannibals do not, as a
rule, file their front teeth, nor do they
tattoo the face."
Between 5000 and 10,000 of these
B?tetela cannibals fought in the war
against the Arabs. The fact that so
niaaj cannibals were fighting under
Baron Dhauis proved an important
element in his success. "The teach
ing of the Mohammdeu religion,"
wrote Dr. Brinde, "does not concede
that a man whose body bas beeu muti- j
lated can enter into the highestbeaven
where only perfect meu are admitted. I
As a consequence of this belief, the j
white Arabs and other faithful follow
ers of Islam would, after a rebuff, in
stead of trying to retrieve the fortunes
of the day, flee from the field with all
possible speed-not so much to save
their lives as through fear that tbeir
bodies, in the event of their falling,
would be torn to pieces."
u^mio o me Xiak?i ?jity and accom
plished a world of good. In the six
years of bis service at Plymouth
church be raised something over
S?,0?0,000 for institutions which he
chose to aid or found.
The most interesting tbiug to be re
lated of bim is that be preached a
rousing sermon one Sunday at Plym
outh, in which ho set forth in bis
finest manner tho things that ought to
be done for the young boys and gills
of our generation. When he was
through a member of bis congrega
tion, Philip D. Armour, the great pork
packer, came forward, and taking him
by the hand, said:
* "Do you believe in those ideas you
just now expressed?"
"I certainly do," said Dr. Gun
saulus.
"And you'd carry them out if you
had the means?"
"Most assuredly."
"Well, then," said Mr. Armour,
"if you will give me five years of your
time I will give you the money."
The result was that Armour Insti
tute now bas Dr. Guusaulus as its
president, where this year 1200 young
men aud women will be taught tbe
most important industrial branches.
That Sabbath address is going down
to history under the title of the
"32,800,000 seimon."
Tho Colonel's Spectacle
"Colonel Roosevelt is very near
sighted," said one of the New Or
leans boys who saw service at Santi
ago, "and when tho hot fighting was in
progress his luggage consisted almost
entirely of spe cades. Near-sighted
people always have an abiding fear of
loosing their glasses, kuowing their
absoluto helplessness without such
aid, aud I was told by one of the New
York club contingent that Roosevelt
took particular pains before leaving
home to provide against such disas
ter.
"He had been iu the habit of wear
ing nose glasses with a black silk cord
attached, but the arrangement waa
entirely unsuited to a campaign, where
the glasses themselves would be liable
to fall off constantly and tho cord to
catch on twigs. So he substituted
very large round spectacles, with steel
hooks for the cars, and had a dczeu
pairs mounted. These he planted
around his person and equipment,
trying to distribute them so that no
one accident could include them all.
.One pair was sewed iu bis blouse, an
other in bis belt, another in his hat,
two in his saddlebags, and so on.
"At the fight at Gnr.simas his horse
was barked by a bullet while held by
an orderly and plunged frantically
against a tree. Colonel Roosevelt
came rushing un, all anxiety, and be
gan prying under tho saddle flap.
'They haven't hurt the nag, sir,' said
the orderly. T know,' replied tho
colonel, with tears in bis voice, 'but,
hang 'em, they've smashed my
specs!' "-New Orleans Times-Demo
crat.
Round to Kcev> "Warm.
lu a schoolhouse iu Lucarne.Switz
erland, that Mecca of summer tour
ists, a new hot-air furnace has receutly
been installed. Now on the black
boards of the various reciiatiou rooms
one may read the admonition: Siuc? a
hot-air heater bas been installed iu
this building the opening of any win
dow is expressly forbhldan, aiuce the
hotnir would go out,-^Chicago Record,
* ART.
Said Mrs. McFadden, the maker ot gowns,
. "I have dreams of a parlor artistic;"
And she bought a new carpet, Egyptian, do
sign, a
Hieroglyphics in ciroles quite mystic.
The wall was soon papered to match lt io
art
With vast candelabra In yellow;
They spread over space with unspeakable
grace,
Each looking with scorn at Its follow.
Thu ceiling was 7ow and o'er it were massed
Gold circles that whirled In'a cyclone.
Bald Mrs. McFadden, "My eyes I .will
gladden
With pictures of taste and of high tone."^
She framed her marriage certificate flret,
To agree with the wedding-ringed celling,
And opposite placed a print labelled "From
Fans*-,"
With Marguerite gracefully kneeling.
A picture of Dowey, a family group,
A scene in Toronto In Winter,
An engraving of Washington doing hts beat
To look like a Yale football sprinter.
Some plates on brass brackets, a Japanese
screen,
Or Assyrian-I am not certain;
Plush rockers teacups and albums and mats,
A drapery, tidy and curtain.
"Behold !" said Mrs. McFadden, "a room
As dressy nnd tasteful as any !"
Which opinion, I scarcely need tell yon, my
friend. ' -
Was echoed with vigor by many.
-Pack.
HUMOROUS.
"Why is the villain in the plf?y al
ways a dark man?" "I guess it's be
cause villains are naturally opposed to
the light."
"What can equal the warmth of a
true woman's love?" asked, the dear-;
est girl. "Her temper, " replied the
savage bachelor.
"I don't know what's to become of
that boy of mine. He waa never
known to get anything* right " "Make
a weather prophet of him."
Watts-I understand the Chinese
are the most lightly taxed people on
earth. Potts -You needn't worry
about that. We shall probably civi
lize them before long.
Jack -MissUpton is the most circum
spect young lady 1 ever met. Tom
How so? Jack-She refused to ac
company me on the piano the other
evening without her chaperon.
"When talking weather, always be
snro of your man," saidGrimsonbeak.
' 'What would be a lovely day to a man
who sells umbrellas would not be so
considered by a sandwich man."
He-What makes you so pensive?
She-I've just been wondering if yq~
will love me when I'm old. He-r
what's tho use borrowing tr
You've always had weak lui
yon may never get old.
Tramp-Will the gentle
trifle to a poor-man? Tin
vu IUO aUYOlUBOUiei ?JJ
for sale. Will eat an . . r
fond of children,'?' thc td.o . x<? iron?-,
ar. old newspaper: "Wauted, two ap- -
prentices. Will be treated as one of
the family."
Danglers-So the engagement be:
tween Miss Trilby and George Win
kles is off? Morrison-Yes, she was
top sensitive. A woman ran a peram
bulator over her foot, and whea she
told George about it, he asked her if
it upset the perambulator.
The Dear Girl-I am really aston
ished to hear you advance the propo
sition that a child should not be cor
rected in tho presence of strangers.
The Savage Bachelor-He should not
be; because he should never be in the
presence of sti augers; that's why.
"Oh, that I should have mar.ied a*
funny mau she wailed!" "Whnt is the
matter, dear?" asked her most intim
ate friend. "He came home and told
me he had a sure way to krep jelly
from moulding at the top, a-id when
I asked him how, he said to turu it
upside down."
The following doubtful compliment
is a fragment from a love-letter:
"How I wish, my da.ling Adelaide,
my engagements would permit me to
leave town and come to see you ! It
would be like visiting some old ruin,
hallowed by time and fraught with a
thousand recollections."
"Stop, or I'll shoot! called ont the
policeman. . "Ha, ha !" laughed the
malefactor, % nor paused in his
flight. "Stop," the policeman now
shouted, thoroughly incensed, "or
I'll shoot at random!" Here the
malefactor halted at once; for even to
such as ho life is sweet.
How Yhey Do in 7. aria.
"They do things differently in.
France." It would seem that even the
Paris rogues have learned to appreci
ate this distinction and to live up to
it. The other day a lady went into a
store in the Bue Bichelieu and pur
chased a silk dress. A man, well
dressed and of fashionable appearance,
entered the store behind her and
watched the transaction with a pained,
troubled expression. As the lady
drew a 200-franc note from her purse
to pay for the dress the stranger rushed
forward, gave the lady a box on the
ear and tore the note from her grasp.
"I had forbidden you to buy that
dress," he cried, "but I have watched
you, and you shall not have it " With
these words he lifted his hat to the
clerk and hastened away. The woman
fainted. When she recovered the
proprietor of the establishment ex
pressed regret at the violent scene and
pitied her for being dependent on so
brutal a husband. "My husband!"
cried the lady, eagerly. "Monsieur,
that man is not my husband; I do not
kuuw him; I have never seen him be
fore." But not only thieves, but the
police "do things differently" in Paris.
The pretended husband was arrested
a few hours later. -New York Times,
Dos Found Bis Way Home,
Jeremiah Murphy, a well-known
miner, living in Calumet, Mich., sold
his big St. Bernard dog named Bar
ney to a Kloudike party eighteen
months ago. The dog was taken to
Dawson City and performed good s?r:
vice there. The other night Barney
reappeared at Murphy's home in Cal
umet. How lie succeeded in retuv?.?
ing from Alaska ig a mystery.

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