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The Orangeburg news. (Orangeburg, S.C.) 1867-1875, June 22, 1867, Image 1

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pr, JUNE .22, 1867.
?vf* ?"*?>. ???. #??' tw.
1^ qmngeb?rg news.
Ejerj Saturday Morning.
. .>? ..r?r{." ? ?:oi? .? ?'
^mUCMi ~ DIBBLE, Editor. 1
? *i ?:>^tl ? . -t . : ; ;-. * .y. - .....
Ons Copy fer-one'jrear,....,.;. $2.00
" Six. Months. 1.00
- .? ?.. Threo. " ......_..i. 00
Any one making up a CLUB of FIVE ANNUAL.
Subscribers will receive nn ?im copy
ft ?? ? . ? ??S-? ? ' ?
^I'Bqu'are 1?t Insertion.'...V. $1.50
" ?i r 2d *? .?.. 76
, Square consists of 40 linos Brevier or one inch
of" Advertising space. ? -
Contract Advertisements inserted ? upon the must
? liberal ie'rms. *
ceeding one Square, inserted without charge.
**~I^T<irtns Ciish in Advance, ""t&a
. For further particulars, apply to-'Ma. Cuaiu.cs II.
llAi.r,, or address ?* ' <
' * . EntTot? t)n.\Numn'tii? Kj?t\s,
Orangehufg. S. C.
W? 2)1 o lv
ttam*Aht--K A. McWhncl. . ? , . .
.^k?qM,Yt**tos>:n 4N K^v?TV-V? V. Jamison:
, Ct eric or. CotnTr-Josrph F, Robiunui..
encairr?J. W. RVDuk ?a.
? Coaes*it?Ci % <Hovw. ?
^TX* CoLtriCTons.?Orango^Pi-nsh.?I*. vi. Why',
?fit.' MaiincvrrTanJ1--^'- n.D-inVAr.
Asst. "AwMOU U. H, 'BliVm'K.? George W.
Bturgeon. Vi '?"
MAafc$T*roii Stamps, io;?P. V, Dibble. ?
v ' . - * *
" WAniSTUATrs?Thomas P. Stokes, W. It. Trcad
*roll, A. Ji'Gnskins, P. W? Fairy, David L. Connor,
J. Ii. Felder, Levin Argoe, R. \\ Dunuelly, E?.A.
f*rice, \T, L.. Ehury. J. D. Pricket, Samuel E. Modc
ej&3?. B, Glover, E. C. Holman, P. C. Buyek, P. M.
ITaniiamnker, D. O. Tiudalt.
Co??r.?/tiu.m:it3 to ArrnovK Sl:cruitn;s?3: G.
Wxm??n*Mev, Jame? Stokes, D. R. Barton, Adam
AffiMfre, A.' D, Frederick-.
<C^?U9Bii0i(iccs or Pculic Bcninvos?Win. M.
?toUon, ilarpto Uigg?, E.-Ezekiol, Joseph P. Hnr
i?/, F. M. W. Briggmann.
d (Co.vMissioHK?K6F ILsam?-?OiMuge Parish?West
Pley Ilouscr, F. W. Fairy, Samuel M. Fairy, Samuel
O. Fair, F. Livingston, W. >S, UlUy. Weaihy PuUer, J
|l. 'C. Wannamokeri N. iv. W. Sistrunk, II. LWlug
*ton, Joined Stokes, J: U. tCcu>Uh, R. P. Antley, John
?i Botrman, J. L. Moorcr, W. C. Moss, Lewis Ga
i ick, B. A. Yon, J. H. O'.Cain, Ellison Connor, John
Prodie, *J. 0. Gttignard, Jacob Cooncr. George
pyr?, J. T, Jennings4 David Dannettjgr.
/CoMMnaiosEus or Roaos^.- lts4ilt?4raParish?
?, 0. Darby, Wl (i. I lane, M. K. Ilolma?? Andrew
Heasaf, J. A. Parlour, E. T. Shular, J. L. Parlour,!
Orren Shular, T. O. Shular, W. L. Pou, J. W.'Sel
Jers, IL V/. Bates, J. W. UarbMir, Augustus Aviu
jfer, P. W. Avlnger, J. D. Zeigler, M. J. Keller,. J.
C Holman.
CoMuisflios'Ens or Fan: Schools?Orange Parish
David L. Connor, J. R. Milhous, Henry N. Sucll,
John Jordan, N. C. Whetstone, John Inabinct, Dr.
0,'N. Bowman, Samuel Dibble.
Commission?:!-.* or FrkR Schools?St. Matthews
^ariah^-Petcr Buyck, J. If. Kcllor, Westlcy Houscr,
?Phn Riley, J. H. Folder^Adam Holmuii.
? iPost Offices in Oningcbnrg District.
< OPriCKfl. ? roSTMASTKUS. .
jOrangehurg.Thaddeus C. Huhbcll.
;8t. Matthews.,.Mrs. Sully J. Wiles.
Vnncc'B Ferry.R..M. E. A vinger.
?Branchvill?.......Mrs. Amy Thompson.
d'ort Motto.........John Birchmore.
*&m**m~?m**m? ma' i ,i ULJL VJJ
Sclictlnl? South Carol ijiii Bail Bond.
Down Pasmsnger,
JiCaVc Columbia at.,. 0.80 A. M.
?'. Orangeburg at.,. 10.?0 A. M.
Arrive at Charleston....>. 4 P. M.
" " Augusts..t. 5 T. M.
?/.'}) 1'a.gsciigcr. - ?
Leave Augnstn at. 7 A. M.
M .Charleston at.^. 8 A. M.
. Jff. Orangoburg at... 1.30 1". M.
Arrive at Columbia at...?. ?.30 P. M.
Dotcn Freight.
Leave Orongoburg at.......10 4. M.
Arrive at Oharlclrtori at;..,...Li.Af.../V.10V. M.
^'J.v... . " height K (I
. LeaVe brango^urg at...........1.8B P. M.
Arrlye at Co^jnVm at ..?..?.80 V. M.
Tho Prayof of tlib South.
" 1IT rAJUBB 11TAS."
My brow is bent beneath a bcnvy rod!
My face is wan and white with many woes,
But I will lift my poor, chained hands to GoJ,
And for my children pay, and for my foca,
Beside the graves whore thousands lowly lie,
I kneel?-und weeping for each slaughtered son-,
I turn my gaio to my .own sunny sky,
And pray, Oh! Father, may Thy will be done!
My heart is filled with anguish, deep ami vast:
My hopes are buried with my children's dust,
My joys haTC fled?my J cars arc flowing fust;
In whom, save Thee, our Father, shall I trust ?
Ah ! I forgot Tho?, Father, long ami Qft,
When I wnB happy, rich, and proud and free;
But conquered'now, and crushed, 1 look aloft,
And sorrow leads me, Father, back to Thee.
Amid the wrecks that mark the focman's path*,
I kneel?and wailing o'er my glories gone,
I still each thought of hate, each throh of wrath,
And whispers-Father! let Thy will he done.
Pity my Father of tho desolate!
Alas liny burdens are so hard to bear;
Look doWn in mercy on my wretched fate,
And keep me, guard mo with Thy loving care.
Pity mo, Father! for His holy sake,
Whose broken heart bled at the feet of Grief,
That hearts of earth, wherever they shall break,
Might goto His and fiud :i sure relief.
Ah, me! how dark! Is this a brief eclipse?
Or is it Night,-with no To-morrow's sun?.
Oh! Father! Father! with my pule, sud lips,
And sadder heart, I pray, Thy will he done.
My iiiimcs are joyless, and n million mourn
Where mnny met in joys forever flown;
Whose hearts were light, are burdened now, ami
? : loru; ?
? Where muny smiled, but one is left to moan.
And nil! the widow's wails, the Orphan's cries,
Arc morning hymn, and vesper chant, to me;
And groans of men, and sounds of women's .-igh*,
Cotutniuglo, Father, with my prayer lo Thee.
Beneath**,* ?et?-ten Gjmtsand-tdnldr eft-dead?i -
. tin!. how l loved each known, and nameless, one!
Above-.their dust I l,mv my crownless head.
And murmur, Father ! still?Thy will he done.
All! Father, Th'nu didst deck my own loved land
t With all bright charms, and beautiful n'rid fair;
But formen came, and with a ruthless hand,
Spread ruin, wreck and desolation there.
oiruled wiiii giuum?of ail my brightness slioir1
And garmented with grief. I kiss Thy rod; J
And turn my fnre, with (ears all wet, and worn.
To catch one smile of pity from my Ood.
Around me Might, where uli before wus bloom! - .
Ami so much lost?alas! and nothing won!
Save this?that I ran lean on wreck and tomb,
And weep?an*! weeping pray, Thy will be done.
And Oil! 'tis hard to sny?but said, 'tis sweet ?
The' words arc bitter, hut they hold a balm:
A balm that heals the wouuds of my defeat,
And lulls my sorrows into holy calm.
It is the prayer of Prayers?and how it brings,
When heard in Heaven, sweet peace and hope to
me ;
When .Tesus prayed it, did not angels' wings
Gleam 'mid the darkness of Gethsemane ?
My children, Father, Thy forgiveness need!
Alsts! their hearts have only place for tears;
ForgiTC them, Father, ev'ry wrongful deed,
And every sin of those four mournful years.
And give thcni strength to bear their boundless
Aud from their hearts take every thought of hate;
And while they climb their Calvary with their
Ohl help them, Father, to endure its weight.
And for my dead, my Father, may I pray?
Ah! sighs may soothe, but praycrjdiall soothe me
I keep eternal watch above their cl?y?
Oh! rest their souls, my Father, 1 implore!
Forgive my lot's?they know not what they do?
Forgive them nil the tears they made mo shed;
Forgive thorn?though my noblest sons they slew?
And bless them?though thcycurso my poor, denr.
Oh.! may my woes he each a currier dove
With swift, white wings, that, bathing in my tears,
Will heav Thee, Father, all my prayers of love.
And bring me, peace in all my doubts and fears.
Father I kneel 'mid ruin, wreck und grove,
A desert waste, where all was erst so fair,
And for my children and my foes-1 cruvc
Pity and pardon?Father ! hear myf prayer!
S E L E C T E D .
. Ho found tho camp in a state of horrible
.chunour. .The Infidclahad made good a part
of their promise, and were, adyancing to Con
stantinople, by marching over the bodice of.the
d^M^^Mfc-issJIssssfcfcisiniV nrniir Thr nt'lirr
wing was sproading out its plumage for such
flight as it'could manage; in other words, one
half of tlie Ottoman host had been soundly
beaton, and the other half were running away.
Ho also'found' his gallant squadron taking it
for granted that he had gone the path of all
beys who arc too wise for their generation, and
who take coffee with grand viziers. But Iiis
presence restored their discipline at once.
Tho Muscovites were covering the field witlf
squadrons of horse, nud mowing down every
thing with their artillery. Mustapha moved
his cavalry to the cover of a wood, formed'them
with admirable skill, and then advancing on a
division of Muscovites who were pursuing iu
the heat of victory, charged through and
through them, and cut them to pieces. Noth
ing could be more lucky for the Vizier ; .for in
two minutes more he must have been a prison
er, or trampled under the feet of the Musco
vite lancers. The enemy, at this unexpected
check, drew back, tuid the night falling, the
Ottomans made their escape, glad to leave their
tents behind them. This affair raised Mus
taphaa name prodigiously, and visions of glory
began .to kindle him again. Tho first dis
patches from Constantinople displaced the slip
pur-makcr, and fixed the Boy at the ' bead of
the forces, with orders to beat the enemy, and
follow them to Pctorsburgh. But what was to
be done with an army of banditti ? He in
stantly drew out a code of regulations. It was
incomparable, and its announcement was hailed
with universal joy. But its .first attempt at
practice raised a mutiny in every corps* of the
army. In this emergency, the 'new Vizier
knew that his bead was oti his shoulders only
till the messenger uf the mutineers could re
turn from the capital. He* resolved to turn the
tables by a victory; marched that night to find
the enemy; fuund them ; cut up their forage
parties; drove in their outposts, and fell like a
thuttdcrbolt upon their main body. The Th
iidcls" were slaughtered iu front of their lines,
through their lines, and out of their lines.
But day-break came; and,they rallied. The
Turkish cavalry had by this time jumped off.
their horsca,' and were packing iip the plunder
of the camp. Mustnpbu's quick eye saw the
danger . But all the kettle drums, and trum
pets of the earth could never, draw a Turk
from his plunder. The battle turned. The
new Vizier fought with desperation; ho gath
ered some bodies of horse from the skirts of
the field, and bringing up bis thousand Ana
tolians, foriucd'tVc whole as a rey; ^uar?, jjut
this was worse atid' worse. Their discipline
was new to thnir count ryinon, and at the first
movemeut all was confusion. With agony of
soul Mustapha saw his last column of horse
fighting like a rabble, every man in his own
style. The enemy's artillery were now playing
on ever)' battalion uf bis infantry; and his
final look at the field showed them melting
away like masses of snow'on Mount lj:emus.
His next glance was at. the canvass roof of a
Russian tent. His horse had boon knocked
down by a sir-pound shot, and he had been
stunned by the fall, and found among the
wrecks of the field." So much for the new tac
tics. Was he now to give his next glance at
the roof of a Russian dungeon '/
But this was a night of carousal iu the Infi
del camp. The general sent off a dozen cou
rtcto to St. lVfersburgh with dispatches, de
scribing tho battle as it scries of the most ex
quisite manoeuvres, by which he had drawn, the
enemy into a night attack, nuu routodftheni at
his leisure. Ho demanded crosses nnu rib
bands for himself, and inquired her imperial
majesty's pleasure as to what chamber of the
seraglio she would prefer for her present abode.
But it is as impossible to keep the yellow
bearded Buss from brandy, as the black-beard
ed Turk from plunder. The captive Vizier
was brought to the general's board; where he
sat. until he-saw him and his stall' fall under
it. He then threw the general's cloak over his
shoulders, walked quietly to the sped where Iiis
horses were picketed, found the sentinels asleep,
each man with a bottle beside him ; led bis
horse through ten drunken regiments, and
flinging the cloak over the eyes of the only
man whom he had found awake among fifty
thousand, galloped off* en the route to the capi
tal. Indignant at the stupidity which had
sent the army into the field hi a state which
Tendered victory all but impossible, he paused
only to draw up a statement of the whole
transaction, present it to tho Sultan, and thus
at once vindicate his own lame, and lay the
foundation of conquests innumerable.
The . paper was eloquent, admirably argued,
and the most imprudent thing iu the world.*
The Sultan received it from, his anxious
Visier with a look of the highest favor; even
read it before be left the chamber, tin*" at every
sentence exclaimed, that he was a Solomon.
Throwing over his neck a chain of diamonds
of inestimable value, he departed leaving the
Vizier in exultation. But, as the door closed
behind the retiring padisbnh, another-opened.
The Sultan's barber entered, glancing his eyes
"on the spot where the astonished Mustapha
stoou; he commanded h'tH Janizaries to lake
away "tho Anatolian Giaour, who yesterday
?had the iuBolence to cull himself Vizier;" with
further orders, "to lose no time in fixing the
heacLjpf tho traitor on the seraglio goal, and
the Quarters of the poltroon on the public
"Bong live his Highness Achmet the Vi
zier,'^, was tho answoring cry of the Janizaries,
who jnstantly flung themselves upon him, and
dragged him away, protesting against this vio
lation of all justice.
B^t this, day was the anniversary of tho
fmndn.s Santon Ahubckcr, arid on this, no
criminal could be executed before sunset.
Thrown into a gloomy cell of tho palace, Mus
taptfa called for one of tho cadis of the serag
lio, Jo receive his dying declarations of inuo
ccnO^j the question of his property, he took it
for granted, was already settled by his execu
tion Mrs. He had now time to ponder on his
owjftprocccdings, "What an infiuitc blockhead
I nm.st have been," was his first congratulato
ry ojauul at ion ; "to trouble myself about patch
'"T^wp the brains of other blockheads. If
I hid left the Osmauli to run away according
to|jicir national tastes, T should now have been
diffihg with the Sultan, instead of preparing to
drii&k .sherbet so terribly against the grain,
wmthc llouris." His soliloquy was inter
rupted by the arrival of the jailor, who ushered
inj$A basket of dates, brought by a messenger
from the cadi, to tell the dying man that.being
invited to a ball at the Austrian embassy, he
had scut one ot his scribes, to hear what he
had to my. The detail was brief; for as it
began, the sun was setting, and the last dip of
hjarim in the Propontis was to be the signal
O&lrriB parting with that head, which bad been
oft so-little use tu him. ''Prince," whispered
the Scribe, as be pointed to the sinking orb;
"A?re is but a moment between thee and
death; what would'st thuu give, to leave the
dupgeou behind theo?"
"Lands. Treasures, all that avarice could so
iw.H," exclaimed the prisoner, his ardent na
-UM&f storting iuto sudden energy and hope?
'jWhat am 1 to do fur life ?"
^'Tnc fiisk is the simplest, j-et the most diffi
cult iu the world," was the reply; "It is, to
keep thy thoughts to thysc.lf."
Mustajdia struck his forehead remorsefully.
;>If from this hour T ever try to make the
world wiser than it chooses to be. niay I bo
impaled iu the Atttioidan!'' was the quick ex
clamation. The cadi's demit <? staiv4j?nd upon
the floor, and a low rumbling noise was heard;
a stone gradually slipped oii one side, and dis
closed a dark, winding stair.
"Iu this cavern is safety." said tho young
Scribe, and plunged in ; tho prisoner followed.
The stair led deep into the foundation of the
palace-; at length a glimpse of light was visi
ble ; he opened a grate, and the scii lay before
them, broad, calm, and returning the silver
beauty of ten thousand stars. At a signal, a
boat appeared, starting from under the cy
presses which line the seraglio wall. The Bey
sprang intuit, the messenger followed, and the
steersman turned his helm away from the fatal
shore, and hoisting his little sail, soon 1.
mosque and tower far in the horizon. Mu.
t?pha felt all the sudden elation of liberty.
He lavished promises of opulence upon his de
??You must, at least, promise me one thing."
said the Scribe. '\Tt is, not to scud me back
to Constantinople. Having obeyed my mas
ter's orders, I' must think of myself, and a re
turn to the shadow of the Sublime Porte would
only substitute my head for yours." The
pledge was given. The little vessel shot along,
and by day-break it had reached the long ami
narrow line of rocks which embattle the shore
of what once was Ilium.
The journey to the Karauiauiau hills was
rapidly made; the Bey being informed by the
young Scribe that orders bail been already
sent oil' for the confiscation of his lands; and
bis own energy being determined to counteract
the blow if possible. They arrived just the
evening before the Pasha of Karamanla, who
was ordered to execute the sentence. He was
>u daring, greedy, and licentious ruffian; and
the sound of confiscation would raise a Turk of
any degree from the bed of death. At day
break the trumpets of the Pasha were heard in
front of'the palace gate. Mustapha would
have fought for his inheritance, had there beeir
time to summon bis people; but the Pasha was
irresistible. His troop of live hundred Spahls
instantly tilled the courts, and a glorious day of
plunder was expected; but tho Pasha had no
desire to indulge them with the treasure* said to
be stowed up in the jewel-chamber of the
palace. There, he proceeded alone. His sur
? prise was excessive, at finding tho chamber al
ready occupied by a stranger, and that stranger
Mustapha, who was supposed to have left his
bones for the vultures. But the. Pasha's insQr
lencc had qot left him. He declared himself
come to take possession of the lands of "a
traitor, in the Sultan's mime,".and followed the
words by a sweep of his scymctar. He had
provoked a dangerous antagonist. Mustapha
sman*' aside, returned the blow, and rushed
upon him like a roused'tiger; he followed it bv
a second, and it was (sufficient. The Pasha's
head rolled at his feet.
His plan was instantly adopted- Knowing
that successful rebellion nlwayB confers a title
with the Porte he took the Pasha's signet from
his finger, wrote an order in his name -com
manding the Bey Mustapha to be reinstated in
all his hereditary dignities, and having sealed
it, locked the body in the room, and- went
forth to the poeplo. The Janizaries murmured,
but the popular Voice was'against them. They
drew their swords, Mustapha lifted hia finger,
atid instantly a volley was bent from every win
dow, which laid one half of their number on
the ground. The lesson was expressive; the
rest laid down their arms,'called their Pasha a
traitor who had led the sons of the faithful to
bo butchered; and desired leave to cuter iuto
the service of tho most magnanimous of 'Beys.
Mustapha's sagacity told him that the Porte
never quarrels with the bringer of presents.
He sent the Pasha's diamond-hilted pouiard
and scymctar to the Sultan, his purse to the
Vizier, and distributed his horses'among' the
divan, lie received by the return of his Tar*
tar. a iirmaun from Constantinople, appointing
him to succocd thji deceased Pasha, as a "re
ward for his extinction of a rebel,". and a
prmnise of the first standard of three tails that
fell to the imperial disposal. Anibition was
now dawning on him again, and he longed to
charge among the Muscovites, and bring off
the heads of generals swinging at his saddle
bow. Hut the cadi's messenger calmly pointed
to the landscape round him; the mountains
waving with forests of the most varied and
vivid beauty, the plains povered with grain, the
mosques, and minarets, the cottages and pas
tures,?and asked, whether this was not better
than being resoucd from the bowstring, by the
explosion of a shell, or being within five min
utes of the sharpest axe of the seraglio ? A8
the youth spoke the words, and made his obei
sance for having taken so great a liborty. Mus
tapha's eye glanced on his emerald ; the letters
were still unintelligible, but they seemed to as
sume a less-cloudy shape. Ho uowgavo up the
happiness of saving viziers,'aud being strangled
for bis pains; and resolved to be as happy as
quiet and wealth could make him? He went
among his people, found every thing old, use
less, and absurd; made changes in all instances,
and succeeded in nothing. The arts of hus
bandry had been tho oocupation of the peasant
from tlto infancy of titno.' Tho arts them
selves had never gone beyond their infancy.
Tho Hoy discovered a hundred improvements;
the people were hard to be taught; in some in
stances, however, he prevailed on thorn in mere
Obedience to adopt his new ploughs, his new
system of watering their ground in the fierce
beats of an oriental summer, and his new con
trivances for sheltering their cattle. But, for
one example of obedience, there were ten. to
the contrary. ''Intolerable fools!" exclaimed
he, when, after a day of argument with a
group of clowns, he succeeded only in making
them puzzled and himself angry: "What is
the use of throwing away one's ideas on slaves
as dull as the earth they trend?"
"None!" said the sententious young Scribe.
Mustapha raised his aching head from the sofa,
where he had .flung himself in keen vexation;
and darting his eagle eyes into the countenance
of his young reprover, expected to have frowned
him into the depths of humiliation. But, to
his surprise, he was met by a glance as lofty
as his own. It was the first time he had dis-.
tinctly scon that countenance; for the young
Scribe habitually wore the deep turban of his
profession, and his eye was constantly cast up
on the ground. Now, however, it was shown
fully, and struck him as singularly expressive.
It had the classic form, and somewhat of the
melancholy impress of the tlreek statuc,"but it
was enlightened by the full sp'.oudoi the
Asiatic eye. The Bey grew silent; a fueling
of awe. respect, and submission, altogether
new to his Imperious spirit, iufluchced him,
and from this moment he was conscious that
ho had .a master.
t^Tn oc continued.}
Why is a bridogroom worth more, than a
bride ? Because she is given away and he is
What is the difference between mico Und
wt ..en ? One harms the cheese, and tho other
charms the he's.
'?Are you the mate?" said a man to the
Irish cook of n vessol. "No," said he, "but
I'm the man that boils the mate "
A gentleman complaining of his too many
friends, Patrick advised him, "Lind money to
the p?>or ones, and borry of tic rich; then
imthcr sort will throublc ycz."
A young lady in San Antonio thinks of
going to California to get married, for the rea
son that in that country the men folks "rock
the cradle." iicr head's fight.
When the first Greek fire shell from .G?
more'? Jbatyeries exploded in Charleston, a con
traband, who witnessed the spectacle, jumped'
up and exclaimed^ "Sec dar! hell hab lud au
Nice Boy.?"Did the dentist kiss yon vsbvn
"ho pulled jour tooth, pa ?"
Fat- mm.?"No, my sou. Why ?" .
Nice Boy.?"Well, he kissed ma, .and s1h>
said it took the ache all away; and I, 'think it ?
did, for^she laughed nil the way home."
- ' I ?^?"ii i" '
I)r. Busby, whose figure .was beneath; th>.
common size,.was oce day accosted; in a public
coffee-room by an Irish baronet of eoloes?)
stature, with : ' ?
"May I pass to my seat, O giant?''
When the doctor, politely making way, re
plied : ' * ? ? - '
"Pass, on pigmy!" '??:*?
"Oh ! sir," said the baronet, "my expression
alluded, to the size of your intellect."
- "And my expression, sir," said the doctor,
"to the size.of yours."
"I love you like anythitrg,'* s?|d a young
gardener to his sweetheart-, pressing her hand.
"Ditto," said she, returning the pressure.
The ardent lover, who was no scholar, was
sorely puzzled to understand the meaning of
ditto. The next day, being at Work with his,
father, he said: " ?? ?: ?
"Father, what is the meaning oiditto*?? *
? Why," snid the old man, "this here is Ohe
cabbage-head, ain't it ?"
'?Yes, rather/' ' ' *
??Weil, that ore's ditto." .
"Drat it!" ejaculated. the indignant so?r
"then she called me cabbage>!seaet L"
-? ii m?i ? z
Mimikry. Esq.?Given at tlie office of Prof,
Josh Billings, rfrakatical phrenologis. prise $4 .
Amativknksh?Big. Sticks out like a>
hornet's negs. Yew ought tew bo able to lov*
the whole human familce-'with jure bump" at'
oust. Yew will never be a widder. mag; n?i
Poi.ytiks?You have got the nutral wav
A splendid bumb. Manny a man tin* gafrto?
be konstabcl with half yuro bump..
CoMEATiFNESB?SleightUally. very much.
You might fight a woman, but tuff mutch'. -1
should like to bet on the woman. * This bump
wants poultising. - ??- \'
Vitti.ks?Bi thunder What a bump^ ~t
should think yd cud eat a boss and ^enrf, and
clias the driver three miles, without-enny ^rae^
tis. Thunder & Lightening! what a bump C
Let Barnum git his hand ou this bump^antj
yurc fortin is made. What a bumli'I'. wliat ?
bump! . ? ....
Gkeeniiacks?Well developed1. A' gor
geous bump. A fortin to eiiuy man. Tfcs-a??
help but die rich if this bump don't go bWcS:
on you. Georgius bump ! happe' man I die *
when you feel like it, doth won't hov onny sor
rows for yure relnshuns that this bump won>1t
heal. .
Peter and His Gal.
T hitcht my cheer up close to hcrii, shot my
eye's, and trcmboualy scd: "Sal, - ^ou're -Xha
very gal I've been hankcriu after for a long
time. I love you all over?from the fia>tof
your sole to the head of your crown, and I
don't keer who knows it; and if you. say so,,
we'll be jined in the holy bones of matrimony
E phtribus union, gloria Monday morning, sis
temper ty rann is. mm. compus mentis, world
without end," sez I; and I felt as tW 'I had
throwd like an allygatcr, I felt so relieved.
With that she fetcht a skream, and after a
while she sez, "Peter!" '-What id it, Sally,"
scz t. - Yes," sez she, a hidin of her face.
You may depend upon it I felt ?rful good.
-Glory! glory!" scz I. "I must holler Sal, ?i? ?
T'll bust open. Hooray Miooray! I cart jump*
over a ten-rail fonoo. I can d" anything ft",
fellow could, would, or orter do." With that
I "sorter sloshed myself down by ^Ver anil
clinched tho bargain with a kiss. Talk almul
yer sugar?talk, about yer molasses?talk a
bout nite blooming serious?they vrath't no*
whnr; von co"'dh't have trot me to have tntntt
-/.*(- ? cj
nigh 'cm, thoy would hav? tasted so?r arter
th it. Oh, broohistraws' wit i sorghum Ineses
011 cm ! of Sal's daddy hadn't bawled out, "IP*
tim. for all honest folks to be in bed"." I drrBe
lieve I'd staid all nite. You'd ortcr s'cedjlter
when I gat hum; I pulled dad outer bed attfl
hugged him, I pulled jmam outer bed and
hugged her; I pulled Aunt Jauc ontcr bed nh<t
hugged her, I pulled the nigger servant carte*
bed and hugged hor. --Dad," sez Ij "I'm go
ing ibr to get married." --Married!*' bawled
dad. "Married," squalled marn, "Ycs, gft
married," scz I, "married all over1" JJnodiii
wedlock; hooked on for Worsor or bettor, for
life and for death,' to Sal} X' am rifat'tftfc
thing. Pcto'v Sporum, Esq," With that f up
aud told thein from Alpher to Omcgnr. 'They
wero mighty pleased and mighty witlin, and
wc (N. 11.,SI'mean Sal aVd I) 'Were^3if64

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