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^ ISSUED TWIOE-A-WEEK?WEDNESDAY AND SATURDAY. i. k. orist * sons, PubUthaw. } % Jfamilj; jfcrosgagtr: Jf01, gronntimi of the political, Social, Agricultural and ^ontmnitial Jnlerests jf <ht JSouth. j TER9mc?l'?copTy?TOCT ce?toNCE' VOLUME 42. YORKVILLE, S. C., SATURDAY, OCTOBER 10, 1896. NUMBER 88. , TOO RIDICDLOUS. By S. BAILING GOULD, [OopyriRht, 1896.] "It was clean too ridiculous," as the v Scotchman said when his wife died after he had lost five children in rapid sue-, cession through scarlet fever. But it was clean too ridiculous on quite another count. You shall hear my story, which is a fact, and "clean too ridiculous" to be other than fact. I can tell it of myself and laugh over it because it'has all turned out so welL If it had turned out clean contrary, you would have heard nothing about it So now, without further preface, to my storv. It all took place before a railway ran to Squabham. It was in the time when the terminus was at Stoke, just 12 miles off, and the arterial blood of traffic in the country flowed through ooaches. As constituents of that rich arterial tide, one day I sat on the top of the ooach, not in the box seat, but just be^ hind the driver, and near me sat a very oharming young lady. I believe that I lived before my time. I mean to say that I had tastes for those i things which have since come into fashion, but which were then looked down on. For instance, I had a great predilection for red hair. At that epoch in ( modern history of which I write red hair provoked a contemptuous comment of carrots. Since preraphaelite art has come in the popular taste has changed, and red hair is admired. Those ladies who have parsnip hair will lavish pounds in hair d/e and wash and powder to transform the parsnip crop on their heads into a field of carrots. In the middle ages a great deal of money was wasted by alchemists in attempting to transmute metals. They could never succeed in converting lead into silver ( or oopper into gold, but our modern hairdressers can" permeate women's?aye, and men's?heads into what they like. They can dye as the raven's plume, bronze, gold, copper, silver, as you* like, , and change metals as often as you like. ; Now, the dear, sweet creature who sat by me had the most gorgeous auburn , * hair conceivable; the sun?and the evening B^n gilded the coach as we rolled | ? over,the downs?shone on her, and it literally blazed in this girl's hair. The modern halfpenny postage stamp tfas nothing to it We talked. And as we i talked I looked at her lovely complexion. What complexions those redheaded sirens havel She had blue eyes, was , animated and very agreeable. She sat between me and the outside bar. I was sandwiched between ladies?on my left ( . sat another girl, with brown hair and : hazel eyes. Usually in such a thing as Banbury cake the jam is between two ; slabs of sponge bread, but here the case was reversed. I was the sponge bread with two sorts of jam laid on, one on ( each side of me. But, to tell you the , truth, I did not observe much my brown beauty on the left, so engrossed was I in the red beauty on my right. The reason?or one of the reasons?was that the setting sun or sun in process of denlancinn tp a a fn mtr 1 pf p . in thft west?and 60 blazed into my eyes when I turned my head to the left that the brown head of my lovely companion on that side appeared only as a spot in the sun, whereas the full glory of his rays spent itself in gilding the refined gold of the red beauty on my right We talked, of what I cannot now recollect, but I know that the red beauty talked charmingly, interested me intensely, and that she made the moments fly as we sped over the downs to Stoke. I never in all my life spent such an enjoyable hour and a half. It went as a streak of lightning. When we dismounted at the coach office in the main street of Stoke, I sought an inn and engaged a room. Business was likely to detain me there some days. I could not sleep that night. There was no night in my room or in the entire hotel. The red head 1 The gorgeous blaze of that lovely girl's hair to my heated fancy filled it with light. Nest day with fevered tongue I went to the coach office and found the coachman there about to start on the return journey to Squabham. "My dear fellow," said I, pressing kin fUnf WQO jJUi.1 a uuy> u uiiu uis uauu uiau >? c*o before florins came in, or a florin would have done?"who was that charming } young lady who sat by me on the coach yesterday?" "That, sir, was Miss Smith. She bus come in for some shopping. Her mar- i ried sister lives in Stoke, and she goes back to Squabham tomorrow." "Thank you a thousand times," I , said. "Whom does she live with at home? Her father?what is he?" " Her father is dead. She is the sister , of a solicitor there, Mr. John Smith, clerk of the justices." "Thank you ten thousand times," I biuu, tuiu reswvcu tu iciuiu wim mo coach next day and 6wim to Sqnabham in an ocean of ecstasy by the side of Miss Smith. ? _ But inexorable business detained me. I could not get away for four days. The ( moment my time was at my disposal I engaged a seat on the box for Squab- , ham. I had slept fitfully ever since I < had been at Stoke. My dreams had been , disturbed by visions of that glorious , head; also my tongue had been coated every morning, and I had expended 18 / pence in seidlitz powders to cool the : ardor of my blood and set my liver to ( rights. But, though I emptied half the box, my passion remained unabated, though i my tongue was cleaner and more of the : color of the expensive pink coral of j which brooches and intaglios are made, which was satisfactory. By the way, how is it that in boxes of seidlitz powders there are always more blue papers than white? As I consume about a dozen boxes in the 12 months and have for the last 20 years, I have a glut now of blue packets of carbonate of soda. But that is neither here nor there. I n turned to Squabham with unabated desire to see this red beauty*, and on reaching the little county town I inquired my way to the house of Mr. John Smith, solicitor. I found it, with a brass plate, on the garden gate. "Mr. John Smith, Solicitor," was engraved on it The bouse was a sort of villa, with a garden before it in which white lilies and roses were blooming. There were also beds of red geranium and yellow calceolaria, but owing to the rain they had gone much to leaf and were draggled. I rang the bell and asked to see Mr. Smith and was shown into his private sitting room. He was a tall, gaunt man, with large whiskers, gentlemanly, and with a pleasant voice. He asked me to take a chair, and I did so, thanking him. Then he waited to know my business. That was one of the most awkward moments I have known in my life. I can propose to a lady, because then I rush at it, as a nigger does at a plank, and drive my head through, but to sit opposite a cold blooded lawyer, who is boring one with his eyes and has ears at full cock to receive your communications, and to gush with love under such circumstances?the lady not being in the room?is as difficult as it would be to write a sonnet with one's toes, keep ing one's hands in one's pockets all the time. "I had the pleasure," said I, "to travel to Stoke on'the top of the coach the other day with your sister, Miss Smith." * "She went to Stoke last Monday." "And she is returned home?" "She is here." "I venture to say that your sister produced a profound impression on my heart through her beauty, on my mind by her intellectual powers and great vivacity and ability in expressing herself, and, indeed, I may say she produced a deep impression on my entire system, mo moro rntlior onnPPTPft JUirl hpr box, on the roof, was behind me, and one corner dug into my back. If I had not changed my coat I might have shown yon the mark to this day. I may add that my heart is quite as deeply and permanently impressed." "My sister is extremely flattered? that is to say she will be if she hears"? "I beg, sir," interrupted I, "that it wili be mentioned to her. I throw myBe If and my fortune at her feet. I am not a man of wealth, but I am in business?a business which is prosperous and capable of considerable extension, into the details of which we will enter later if need be. Suffice it to say that my income is about ?600 a year?never less, usually somewhat more. But I am aged 85. I was born on April 1, 1813, of a respectable family, commercial but eminently respectable and well estab "tVhat other cue?' lished. I have never been marrvd, but I want to be?immensely,.impetuously, ardently?to yonr sister. I may say that hitherto my heart has been void, like a noninflated football. Now it is full to bursting with your sister. May I ask rf you the permission to meet her and respectfully to make my offer to her in person?" "Certainly. Come and dine with us at half past 7. I shall be delighted." "There will be only my wife, my sister and myself present and ,a lady friend now staying with us. I will not ask another gentleman, so that we shall be three ladies and two gentlemen. You shall take in my sister, and there will be no one else with us after the ladies withdraw, and we will have a further talk then. I will just sound Paulina." I "Paulina?you don't say sol Is that her name?" "Yes. That is my sister's name." "I dote on the name Paulina. What a mercy it is that ladies with charming Christian names do not lose those by matrimony!" At half past 7 I was at the house in dre'ss clothes and was introduced into the drawing room. Three ladies were there?my host's wife and two others; one the friend, the third the brown beauty. I looked this way, that way, became crimson, fevered, uncomfortable. The red beauty was not there. My host came up. "I suppose you hardly need a formal introduction," said Y . "My sister, Paulina"?and he led me to?the brown beauty. "You will kindly hand her down to dinner." How i got tnrougn dinner i can naruiy say; I was so nervous, so confounded, felt my situation altogether as one really olean too ridiculous. However, I must say that the brown beauty made efforts to be amiable, and really was a very pretty, charming girl, and with great ingenuity did get. me so to forget my situation as to enter into conversation with her. When the ladies withdrew, I had to tell my host. "It's not she I I am awfully sorry, in ghastly confusion, but it is not she. It was the other one." "What other one?" MfrJohn Smith took it very good ] humoredly; he laughed heartily. I ex- i plained that the object of my passion i had red hair and a beautiful complexion, i also blue eyes. 1 "Bless my soul!" he exclaimed, "You mean Miss Brown. She went to Stoke . the same day as Paulina, but returned two days ago. She has carrots." "And who is her father?" "He is a solicitor here?clerk of the board of guardians. Not Thomas i Brown. Now, look here, it is all right i I did not Bay a word to Paulina before < dinner about your admiration and vonr proposal?lucky, by George, that I did not I The fact is, I thought it would bo embarrassing to her, so just let matters< alone and left you to say what you liked -] afterward. I had hinted to my wife to withdraw, on some pretext or other, with her friend later on in the evening so as to give yon an opportunity. Now I will stop that." "Thank you a thousand times. I am F overwhelmed with confusion. You must understand that the only reason I can v see why I did not fall in love with Miss I Paulina Smith and did fall in love with I Miss?Miss?what is her Christian f name?" i T "Jessie." " Jessie?a lovely?an adored name? Well, why I did fall in Jove with- the s red beauty on my right and not with c the brown beauty on my left was that I the sun was setting behind the latter, e so that I could not see her very distinctly, c Her head was between me and the sun, n whereas the sun shone effulgent over c Miss iJrown ana Drougni to ngm uer \ splendid charms. That was the only reason, 'pon my souL " f It was an immense relief to me when f we went upstairs into the drawing room v to know that Miss Smith was ignorant p of the intention with which I had been invited there that evening. She sup- i posed that I was in Squabham on some t business with which her brothers were c likewise engaged. So she was lively, t very agreeable and made me lose all my ^ nervous strains and spend really a j, charming evening. I $ Next day I awoke after a sound sleep, c in which I dreamt that I was the ter- B restrial globe, about which revolved? 8 or, no, that itself revolved?no, I mean * both one and the other?I am getting D involved, but it doesn't matter, dreams1 ^ are involved things. I dreamt that I ^ was the terrestrial globe on which now rose the solar orb with radiant face ^ and streaming auburn hair. Then it setj and above my horizon and occupying my sidereal vault shone the pale jjj face of Miss Smith, with dark brown, hair and hazel eyes, with a very sooth- ^ ing and gratifying effect to my liver , and my tongue, which was quite clean , next morning when I looked at it in the mirror?a proof, moreover, that Mr. ? John Smith's wine was good. I inquired the way to the house of P Mr. Thomas Brown and introduced my- a self. He was a stout, little man, with white hair. I informed him of the pas- e ?' t ?^?j e? u;? TJa t' BlQliH X tJIlL^naiUUU 1U1 ma uuu^iiici. xau nodded his head and called one of his clerks. "Mr. Baker, please step into my * parlor and tell my daughter there's a 3 gentleman here wants to see her on 3 business.'' a This was rather a blunt way of put- P ting it, but as Mr. Brown said, "Busi- s ness is business, and should be settled off hand." In came Miss Jessie Brown, looking o lovely, no doubt, but in her morning n dress not quite so charming as when a equipped for going to Stoke; nor was c her beauty so radiant in the shade as it o had been when blazed on by declining a Phoebus. a "Isay, Jess," said Mr. Brown, "this fi gentleman, in the broking business, in- n come nominally 600, age 85, constitu- t< tion?by the way, you did not say what d that was," he turned to mo, "passed by v any decent life assurance company, eh?" p I nodded. "He wants to know if you'll be his missus. Now then, what do ycu ti say?" o "I am much obliged lor the honor," o answered Miss Brown, "but I must de- v cline. I?I?I may as well tell you, fa- u ther, now we are on this topic, that I si got engaged without asking you to Cap- h tain McGregor while, at Stoke two days h ago. He was sitting on the box seat by ii the coachman," she said, turning to M me, "Perhaps you did not catch in, but tt I was talking with him, through you, a on that pleasant drive." v I returned abashed, confounded, to s, my sins. y Then I mused on my situation. I had f, wasted two days off from my business, it has cost me 6 shillings for the outside g seat on the coach from Stoke, besides 1 s, shilling as tip to the coachman, and a sixpence to the boy who took my portmanteau, it would cost me seven and six to return to Stoke, and my inn bill c would not be under ?1. Well nigh ?2 _ thrown away, besides tlie loss of two J, frnm mxt hnciupce Tt; Wflfl tm VPTft- ." tious. It was clean ridiculous. It shall g not be, said I. I returned to the house of Mr. John Smith, and desired an in- r terview. I told him that I had been refused, showed him that I had my hotel bill to pay, as well as seven and six for each coach journey, and I informed him * that my moral nature revolted from waste. Would he then allow me to see ? his sister, Paulina, and propose to her? He asked me to dinner again that Cl evening. After dinner Mr. Smith and . his friend disappeared and I was left 11 alone with Paulina. I seized the occa- w sion, discovered my passion, stated my r< income and?was accepted. I have already said that I am a man t( beyond my time. Then came in that Cl absurd craze for even carroty hair. 11 When that fashion prevailed, I had be- ?' come an enthusiast for dark brown. . Paulina, my wife, has dark brown hair. " And now I am always, avant tout, a ' man. beyond my time,. I have 3 ?roat P passion for and admiration of eilve lair, and, upon my soul, Paulina is go ing to gratify it, for I have found whiti itreaks in her brown locks. Well now really, what do you think of that? THE END. Ijfttecellancmts Reading. ilCBIQB APPEAL Haj. Jno. F. Jones Wants t< Be Elected Congressman. Phinks His Business Would Be In creased Should He Be Given Thai Honor?He Lauds Monometallisn and Tariff; and That but Adds u the Certainly of His Defeat. 'rom the Columbia Register, Thursday. Major John F. Jones of Blacksburg vho is running for congress in the Fifti District against Hon. T. J. Strait, tb< Democratic nominee, has issued th< ollowing address: To the Voters of the Fifth South Car olina Congressional District. Fellow Citizens : Fortune made ome South Carolinians ; circumstan es made this state the home of others t may be a question if one or the oth r condition is conducive to the bes itizenship. But I shall not yield t< ay opponent, Mr. Strait, so high e laim as I can urge for your suppori d (his election. For years you have cast your votei or representatives to congress who, w ar as the records show, were satisfied vith the honor of the position and it: >ay. The representatives of other States aking advantage of similar opportuni y, by personal effort and influence se ure the appropriation of public fundi 0 be expended in their districts it he location of public buildings, the mprovement of its waterways, the levelopment of the miueral and agri ultural resources of the same. Is ii iot strange that our representative: 1 1 J l 1?* Q ouiu ue bo uiuueai/?ou uuuju i Thiuk of the opportunity such s nan has in which to do for bis state [>r his district, a great and a lasting eneflt. Note how congressmen fron tber states have won aid and pa ronage. No other state in this union has su lerior resources, greater natura wealth; nowhere is there a superioi limate, and nowhere could a more lense population be profitably unc lealthfully supported by reason of the ievelopraent of a state's natural re ources than in South Carolina. Is il ecause I have seen other states pros >er, in which none of these natural dvantages occur ; states which have o go outside their own borders foi very crude material which is essentia o tbe continued operation of their iversified industrial enterprises, that am tbe more interested, or lay more tress upon the neglect of our congres ional representatives? If so, then 1 m tbe better fitted to occupy thai lace which will enable me to attract ome possible favorable attention tc o our st^te and its resources. If in Washington, the capital city oi ur country, favorably introduced tc ien of influence and of wealth, thrown mong them socially, our congressman aunot impress a single soul to visit nr state, to examine our prospects nd resources, to become interested in ny of them, cannot influence any one ivorably to their development, can ot persuade any to come to our state o live, add nothing to our population, othiug to our commonwealth, then, /here should be sent an agent for that urpose? It's not all of life for us to sit here o be governed or to wrangle with each ther as to who shall make laws fox ur government. The world is adanced by the development of indusries, by the proper use of natural reDurces and of products and the conequent profits, and the comforts and appiness that result from combining idustry, capital and labor. Then .hy should you hesitate to exchange lawmaker?who in fact never framed law?for one who appreciates these rondrous resources of you state, who ees buried in your soil, standing in our forests, sleeping in your waterills, embodied in the strong arms and be natural born skill of the meu ol outb Carolina, all the element necessity to the possibility of the greatest idusirial development which has ever ccurred in these United States. All that is needed is enterprise and apital. Then why not give your suport and cast your votes?not for pary nor for partisan reasons; but for usiness reasons?aud cast them to lect to congress one who, without our support, has pushed his way alone ito other states, sought out and intersled strange people to come to our iate, to open mines, develop railroads, > build plants, factories, etc., all of hich have helped our people to more f comfort, to better wages, to more of appiuess than otherwise would have ome to them in years? Why not vote for the man woo, go)g out alone, has done so much ; and bo, with your endorsement as your ;presentative, can do more? Many good men think that we have )o much politics in our state. It osts us too much of time and of loney?while no one of us is benefitd. The campaign I am conducting as by common consent of my friends \ all parties been divorced from party nes. No one wishes to see either arty succeed if success is to disturb r the peaceful relation now existing or < - is to delay or hinder the return of < e prosperous times. ' I As Americans, as South Carolinians 1 and independent of party, we want 1 honest government by the people, for - the people, which shall insure to all, independent of party, the fruit of our z effort and a just return for our labor. - No man in this state, no matter } what his Condition or color, wants to ! see a repetition of reconstruction days. We want intelligence and virtue to govern. We want peace and prosperi- ' ) ty, and over and above all, wise legislatiou and cbeerAil obedience to law. I would not be a party to strife of ! classes, of section or of races. I appeal to you as a candidate who 1 1 would lose no opportunity to impress 1 1 on the people be would meet as your ' 5 representative, that the state he bad the honor to represent was the banner 1 state of the Union for business oppor- ' tunities, for comfort of living and for \ healthfulness. e Give me your support and I can and i will add to the development of our district. Truly you all appreciate . what development means. Ten years ago, hardly a factory was in this dis3 trict. Today we have 27 mills. The . farmer knows it enables him to get as . much for cotton at home as is paid in New York; that as the population I grows about our thriving towns and > villages so we cad get higher prices i for all of our products. Thefse are t things that bring prosperity to every man's door, brings better schools, i churches and homes, more of comfort ) and of money. 1 Other sections of our country are 3 already enjoying such prosperity. But to us, to South Carolina, and by rea, son of superior natural advantages it - should have come first?not last. - However, and to accomplish it, I urge J that you cast your vote for a man who ) appreciates these conditions, one who > can impress them upon others, one 3 who has influenced such people to - come to our state. t Quoting from the leading paper of 3 our district. In an article referring to an enterprise I had inaugurated at l Blacksburg, it said: "Major John F. , Jones has created more taxable proper* ; ty in York county than any other i man in that county." It will pass ua disputed that the enterprises I have created with capital brought from out - side our state pay upwards of oneI sixth of the taxes of our town. I refer to this only that you may ap- J ! predate bow Intimately 1 am ldenti- : I ficd with our common interests. ; Granted that I am elected, is there ( any reason why, as a business man, I , t cannot perform all the duties and pro- r tect all the interests incident to our I common concern as thoroughly and as | ) well as any professional man ? r Does it require a professional?that I one be a lawyer or doctor?to enable him to determine that our best inter- * ; ests demand a stable curreucy? Do t ; we not all want good money ; that t which shall be current every day and j. [ everywhere? Money that shall en- , t courage the millowner to increase the ; size of his mill. Money that shall set ^ . Aiini.il onin^la tiirnincr that, ahall rnftkfl r OYUJ OJSI&JUAW vuiu.ug, HMM? ww... ?? ? j. the manufacturer call out to the farmT ers for increased crops for more of cot- * ? ton ; to the miner for more of his ores; t i to the lumberman for more of the , i products of our forests? . : And as relates to our interest in tariff' ^ ! questions. If we can, by protection of i our cotton, ke6p out from this country , ! and from our markets other cottou, the j. products of other countries, such as i the Egyptian cotton now being spuu , in New England; if we can keep , from our markets the products of the j; ; looms of Great Britain and thereby j help our own South Carolina mills to ^ i spin and to dispose of more of their ( i products that they may buy more ol our cotton and perhaps be able to pay more for it. Then we, any of us, know | enough to legislate to gain such ends. jDther sections are enriched by protection of their products. So should ^ I your representative, when such legislation is possible as will materially eni bance the wealth of your section, insist upon a similar protection of that v I upon which the greatest prospect of i our state's prosperity depends. Pro- f3 tect our rice, our cotton and our iron, 11 i and this state, too, will be enriched. v I invite the voters of this district to a make enquiry as to who I am. If you u ' believe that I may do you, your neigh- d borhood, your district some good, that will exceed anything that has yet been a done for you; if you think I can do 1 vou a real practical business service '* by sending me to represent you where l: I shall meet with people who are seek- 0 ing new homes, new business, new ^ things and ways in which to invest & i their capital, then surely it's no great ^ risk you run of personal injury when f ; you cast a ballot that sends me there " for two years. The ballot is free and n a sacred trust; to that extent a man is si bound to cast his own as his judgment 0 " dictates, else to play the fool by acting what he don't mean by yielding ta the u ' dictates of others. h Be men, be honorable, fairminded h men. This is an uncommon and unus- 81 ualyear; everything is crossed?fac- ^ tions no longer hold ary party within ^ party lines. Vote for yourselves and h your homes once ; vote for a possible 8 advantage to come to your state and to your district and to your neighbor' hood. Send as your representative to cougress one who knows that the water k which runs to waste in your streams si ought and can be made to turn wheels ; It to run machinery, that will require 1c products, to produce and furnish si which will better the condition of each st Dae and of all of you, and who if elected will accept the office on the pledge to use his best efforts for the Betterment of bis state, his district ind his constituency. Respectfully, John F. Jones. n MOST LUXURIOUS CITY. Fabulous Amounts Spent Annually by New Yorkers. John Gilmer Speed writes of the noney spent annually in "The Most Luxurious City In the World," in the Dctober Ladies' Home Journal. He isserts in a prefatory way that New VJn tViA mAot liiwitumiiQ Aiftr in tha A VI IV IO KUV UIVOV 1UAUI1VUO VIWJ IU ?MW svorld, and that expenditures are Bade on mere living with an elegance md ostentation unknown in any of be capitals of Europe. The total svealth of New York would, if equally livided, give to each man; woman and jhild of that city $3,756.82?an imount greater than any other city in ;he world. Mr. Speed states that ?20,400,000 are paid annually to the awyers of New York ; $11,328,000 to physicians and surgeons; $3,000,000 0 the clergymen ; $2,665,000 to architects ; $1,600,000 to dentists ; $13,020,)00 to brokers. An aggregate of about MOO,000,000 is spent annually for jlothing, $10,000,000 for furs, $20,000,)00 for diamonds, and other jewels, ^3,500,000 for out flowers and growng plants; $20,000,000 on yachting' the boats representing an investment>f $20,000,000), which is something nore than is spent yearly on horses ind carriages. The elevated railroads :ake in $12,000,000 for car fare, and the surface lines $15,000,000, a total >f $27,000,000 for going about New fork. Mr. Speed estimates that $31,137,500 are spent by New Yorkers ;ach year in European travel, $3-,537,>00 of which go for steamship tickets. Sew Yorkers spend $30,000,000 for >eer and $90,000,000 for wine and ipirits?about $66f for each person >er year. In their gifts to charities Sew Yorkers are most liberal, $9,(kX),)00 being the annual sum thus ex>ended. More money is spent in sup>orting and furthering church work n New York than is paid all theatres ind play bouses in the city. The toal spent for amusements is $5,900,000, vhile considerably more than $6,000,)00 is contributed to the support of churches. An Amateur Lawyers' Plea.? 1 Jacksonville broker, while traveling d the Alabama mountains, was invited, >y a friend, a local judge, to attend he trial of a ''cracker" for shooting a 'nigger," and the prisoner having no noney to hire a lawyer, the judge ap>ointed the broker to defend him, aleging that if the broker was not a awyer, "he was an idiot because he vasn'tone"?a judgment amply supiorted by his conduct of the case. The broker cross-examined the wittesses briefly, sending in now and hen a discomfiting trajectory. When te came to make a speech, he said : 'Gentlemen of the jury, I have taken ;reat pains to show you that my client vas a respectable citizen. Ten witlesses have asserted?on oath, mind rou?that he stands high in bis comnunity." The defendant was six feet hree inches tall, and the jury smiled. 'He stood high in his community, and bat is sufficient. Now for the law. #e find the 13th verse of the 16th hapter of "Cbitty on Pleading's? 'Chitty, gentlemen, was one of the iravest generals in the Confederate irmy?this well-established principle if law." Here the broker adjusts bis ;lasses, holds the book far off, elevates lis chin, and reads: "'No respectaile white man can be guilty of crime.' That, gentlemen, is enough. I leave he case in your hands." Each juror changed bis quid, looked t his neighbor, nodded, and, without saving their seats, rendered a loud ,nd emphatic verdict of "Not guilty," nd then joined in three cheers for the lefendant and his lawyer. Wheat and Chaff.?The way in /bich a boy uses his leisure often deermines what sort of a man he will e. Two men stood at the same table n a large factory in Philadelphia, working at the same trade. Having n hour for nooning every day, each ndertook to use it in accomplishing a efinite purpose. Each persevered sr about the same number of months, nd each won success at last. One of hese two mechanics used his daily jisure hour in working out the invenion of a machine for sawing a block f wood into almost anv desired shape. Vhen his invention was completed he old the patent for a fortune, changed is workman's apron for a broadcloth uit, and moved out of a teuant house 3to a brownstone mansion. The other lan?what did he do? Well, he pent an hour each day during most f a year in the very difficult underaking of teaching a little dog to stand n his bind feet and dance a. jig while e played the tune. At last accounts e was working 10 hours a day at the ime trade and at his old wages, and nding fault with the fate that made is fellow-workman rich while leaving im poor. Leisure minutes may bring olden grain to mind as well as purse, ' one harvests wheat iustead of chaff. tSF A fearful monster of the deep, a iug cuttle fish or octopus, became iranded recently on the Irish coast, ts arms, or tentacles, were 30 feet )ng, so that it had a grasp of 70 feet, jfficient to drag down a vessel or :rangle a whale.