The free South. [volume], April 25, 1863, Image 3

About The free South. [volume] (Beaufort, S.C.) 1863-1864

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Lincoln, Spare that Nif I
[A new version of an old sons, by one who is opposed
to the Emancipation Proclamation.]
Lincoln, spare that nig!
Tonch not a single slaw.
Nor let him fight nor dig
This Union now to saw.
Does not our " brethren's" lash.
Chastise him when it ought;
Then, Lincoln, let him wash
Ills wounds, but touch him not! i
That old and valued nig,
? - J A-!. ).l
Whose arms nave earucu uicu
Would*#* thon teach him to prig
Himself from rebels bold *
Lincoln! forbear the thought!
Ah, no! such heaven-born ties
Shonld sure be severed not,
E'en though the U nion dies.
When bot a little boy
Our "brethren" sought his aid;
And with their childish joy,
Around his cabin playd.
And when he grew in rears,
Their fa the is peeled his back!
- . Lincoln, forgive these tears,
"Rjt let Thefff nun ihett blaclr:
Their heart-strings round him cling,
Close as his hide, old friend,
Ilk help in everything
"* "He Is obliged to lend.
He feeds their hungry hosts.
He piles their shell and shot,
He rears their forts and poets;
But, Lincoln, touch him not 1
i&e tog - HfHfr.
THE UNION SOLDIER.
The little village of liis birth reposes in i
quiet beauty on the banks of the Merrimac.
Its small extent of territory nestles
among the green hills of the dear old
Essex county. Here stands the church at
whose altar the aged pastor has long administered
to the spiritual welfare of the
farmers ; and not remote may be seen the
arsenal of Freedom's power?the schoolhouse.
The streets and modest houses, i
shaded here and there by the trees of a
Hew England forest, oak, elm or maple,
and the open hospitality of its citizens,
extend a constant welcome to stranger and
gnest
Tl ??- +V,o liAwt r\{ hrpntv RTITTl
XI WOO 11C1C biUtV HUD UVAV v. ? . ?
men had been nourished and prepared
for the stern scenes soon to be exemplified
in the famous battles of the country.
Here had been taught him, that after de- :
vout reverence for the God of his fathers,
his first duty -was to his country. He had
learned that patriotism was the noblest
feeling that can animate the bosom of
mortals ; and that he who does not turn 1
with grateful emotion to the land which
has given him birth, and afforded him
protection through infancy to the years of
ripening manhood?which has extended
to him the means of moral and intellectual
freedom, continually holding over his
. head the aegis of impartial Jaw, would be
L a sad recreant and unworthy of even the
twoapfg* nt
^ 11 1 TTUIxi XT1I.-7 # tli. mwoHjf ilte
earliest volnnteers for the civil war now
desolating our fair laud, one whom we will
call Wilham Fane. Hundreds of sons
have, indeed, gone out from under the
roof-tree, around whom cluster the fondest
associations ; and the history of Wil- i
liam may not unfitly represent many of
them. He was not super-mortal, such as
exist only in the brain of teeming fancy;
i and yet he was the pride of appreciating
i townsmen. There was much in him to
win the confidence of those who knew him.
His form was erect and manly, His arm
strong, and his step firm. From beneath
heavy brows, indicative of active perception
and organic power, beamed out a mild
blue eye. Over the high, intellectual
forehead was parted the light silken hair.
He had never been known to do on unworthy
act. On the contrary, kind deeds
had often gleamed in their radiance along
his pathway. The inebriate, the profligate,
the bondsman, many a fallen son of
earth, bore in the deep recesses of his
heart the sure pledge of received kindness.
Such an one forsook all to fight the battles
of the nation. On that beautiful morning
when he gave the farewell to the home
of his bgyhood, we seem to see the blessing
of the aged sire bestowed upon him; we
Vu?hnlrl the tear trickling down the moth
er's cheek, as she says, in choked utter- i
ftnce : " Do your duty, my son and we
hear, too, the "good-bye " of the younger
friends, as he hastens on to where his
eoldier comrades await his coming.
And he is gone. The sunset hour has
again come. The herds are in the stall,
and the stars shine out in'the blue vault.
The song of the night-birds and the shrill
notes of the insect tribe echo in the woods.
Outward nature performs her ceaseless
course. But there is a vacant chair at the
homestead table. And when at the hour
of sleep, some noble psalm is read from
the Holy Book, as the household is gathered
in its wonted way, the circle seems
broken. One manly voice is not heard.
But the great God's'benediction is sought
for the young warrior. The sire prays
that his arm may be strong to do battle
with the wicked who have risen up in force
against their country. Even as perfumes I
of precious wood ascend from golden cen- i
sers, and are lost to mortal sight, so thanks
go up to the Most High that the family
has been granted the privilege -of sending
to the armies of freedom the only remaining
son. And when the thought comes,
that soon he may be in the foremost ranks
and in the midst of the dead and dying,
that he goes where perhaps even now the
very earth trembles with moving squadand
the loud-voiced cannon, more
1VUO ?
fervid grows the utterance that the Father,
from his cloud-girt throne, will come down
and, from danger on the right and on the
left, save harmless the dear son, bringing
him through blood and death to his home.
Turn we now from the home scenes to
one of our southern states?to the Old
Dominion. A mighty host is gathered in
battle array. From the valley of the
southern Mississippi comes up the strength
of the land, with gun and sword and
blood-red plume ; from the Gulf of Mexico,
where roses bloom in perenial beauty,
comes rank upon rank, the flower of the
race; and from where the Gulf Stream
wafts its soft breeze to the shore, move on
regiments, following the strange new
banner. Nor are these all, countless
though they seem. From the north-land,
from the whispering pines of Maine, the
granite hills of New Hampshire, and the
rock-bound coast of Massachusetts, from
the mighty lakes of our northern boundtu-y,
from vrhere the gathering drope in
sweet unison give birth to the Father of i
Waters, and from all the free land of the I i
colder north, ]
" I.ike a deep sea wave, 1
Where rises no roek its pride to brave, 1
High-swellinjr, dark and slow."
Swell southward in sublime spectacle the J
panoplied battalions of Freedom and J
Union, invincicle in grandeur of soul and (
lieaven-born purpose. Here on a com
mon field, and drawing near each other j j
those who do battle for the republic, and
those who are pulling down with icion (
hands the temple of free government J 1
reared by the fathers. The long, serried ,
ranks, with Hashing bayonets ; the war- ,
riors on their proud moving chargers, j
bright ensigns and waving banners por- | j
tend that ere the western clouds shall re- } (
fleet back in gold and purple the rays of (
the setting sun, a terrible contest will j
i have taken place. Again and again the ;
[ shrill bugle will have sounded the charge,
! and respondent lines have rushed on to ]
victory or death. Night will look down
upon "many a brave dead man. In mingled
confusion, war-horse and rider will <
meet the gaze throughout the extended i
plain. But the scene need not be forej
stalled. ^ 1
The sun moves on through me heavens, i
"Calm and patient nature keeps her an- i1
cient promise well." But the psalm of j
earth is already interrupted. Cannona- | .
ding is already begun. Peal 011 peal <
booms over the flower-tinted vale. Now, 1
for a brief period, silence reigns. Then i '
again, more terrible than before, the bel- j 1
lowing thunder rolls along the entire line ! <
of the foe. Our staff officers fly to distant j j
parts of the field with the orders of their J i
superiors. Brigades change places. The I ]
stronger points are weakened, and weaker
ones made stronger. Working and re- '
served forces are disposed in the most 1
available positions. Corn-field, woods, >
and stream become points of strategetic <
combination. Every man is in position, | 1
and feels that upon his valor may hang j
the result of the contest. William, too, j
is there. The aged man's son, the last re- 1
maining boy. We wonder if there is a 1
thought in his bosom of home. Yes! <
yes ! Faster than the prancing war-horse, 1
faster far than the screaming ball as it ]
tears through the air, flies homeward one 1
thought of that stern Puritan father, and 1
of that mother, who simply said, as he 1
went forth in opening manhood's pride, ;
on that bright morning, "Do your uutv, j J
my son." Would that the parents could 1
look upon their boy, as on that deadly 1
ilaj lie stanus vim ujjj cuuuwica m mc
ranks ! His countenance shows no stolid '
look, no cold indifference to the stern J
summons of Death that may avait him.
Hut ftU earneet zeal beams forth from the 1
blue eye, The lips indeed quiver, but not i
from cowardice. " That is a bjraye man," i
said Wellington, noticing the trembling i
lip of a soldier, who with others moved on J
to take the deadly battery. Thus behold ; '
William, the almost unknown hero. Save 1
only the stained uniform, he has no badge. 1
His royal marks are in the memories of i
his companions. " Our duty," my broth- !
r>*r vm .aiiilrtfl j " firm " j 1
And with the embattled host he now awaits j 1
the commands of his officers. Hi3 com- <
papy in the centre. On the right and ]
left the war-god ho* raged with awful de- t
struction. Deeds of lieroic valor have 1
been performed that shall glow with peer- i
less beauty on the pflges of the future his- <
torian. And though the stronghold of fhe ^
enemy is not yet altogether ours,
" Deed* of eternal fiime
Were done .... No thought of flight, i
None of retreat, no unbecoming deed, . i
That argued fear; each on himself relied, :
As only in his arm the moment lay 1
Of victory." * f
Noy fly the golden moments. A single 1
mistake may lead to inglorious defeat, t
The gallant men of the centre are set to i
work. The bugle sounds the onwarch t
mweh of the divisions. Shoulder to i
shoulder the gplid phalanx goes forward. t
;iNor oblivious hitt,
Nor straightened rale, nor woods, nor stream divide* (
Their penect ranks." j
Steadily advance the heroes of the re- 1
public. The "rough edges" of battle 1
near each other. O, dreadful interval be- <
tweep I The first line of the enemy is i
already griped. Ffopj behind abatii up t
rise the rebel horde, pouring put JJicir t
deadly volleys, and filling the heavens with i
commingling flame and smoke. Then and s
there fell the patriots. Loyal blood flows t
* ? ? j I--?*- _ i:??u i
ili?f waier, UllU UVIU^ liUCa nun Iiunu iiuv
snow flakes in seething cauldrons. But
the glorious spirits are not disheartened.
No dismav. "Do or die" flames out
from the Line field of their banner ; and
with wild cries they rush forward through
the opposing wave of shot and shell. The
bloody tide baptises them with renewed
and holier fire j and in irresistible might
thev gain the chosen i>osition. The work
and its devilish engines of war, is in their
position ; and over all floats out once more
the star-spangled banner. To the cars of 8
their living and dying companions, on the j
field behind, come wild huzzas, and the x
heaven-reaching shout of victory ; on the j
right and loft tho embattled lio?tt takes Up t
the sound ; and from the arches of heaven, (
in answering chorus, victory is re-echoed r
back to earth. <
While the waves of w r have wildly ?
surged backward and forward, and charg- (
ing trumpets blown, the sun has gone e
down in the west. Night is coming on. r
"And over heaven 1
Inducing darkness, grateful frne imposed,
And silence on the odious din of war,
t*nder her cloudy covert both retired, (
Victor and v,nquished." S
Far and wide gleam the camp-fires.? 1
Friend and foe are mingling on the criin- j
son war-field, caring for the wounded. In j
the thickest of the slain lies the body of 1
William?pierced in the bosom with the t
deadly ball. Mis me went out us mr j
shouts of the victorious squadrons rent 1
the air. In a common grave, with un- c
named demigods, that on that day gave c
up their lives to the unity and freedom of j
their fatherland, lies his smouldering clay; i
but the spirit is not there. Borne thither ?
on the bright wings of immortality, it has
a home in the celestial city. There, there
shall be no hunger, no thirst, no long
marches, no battle-cry ; but blessing, aud f
glory, and wisdom, and thanksgiving, and
honor, and praise, and might, unto our s
God, forever and ever. ^
"Tell my father," said the dying boy 1
to his surviving comrade, " that I have fl
no regrets for joining the army. I die for
my country ; and mother, tell her I feel I
have done my duty."
Thus died William. Thus are dying
myriads. There is scarcely a village in
the land where may not be found those
who weep for the slain, Father, husband, '
~ '
>011 and brother, have been snatched away
in the bloom of health and the vigor of
manhood. Liberty is makin'g such deniinn
lior sons as she never did
before. Alas ! that it is only thus that
peace can again revisit us. Among the
A.ll>s two hundred thousand riflemen are
ever ready to spring forth for the defence
of the free Switzerland. In the American
republic near a million have drawn their
swords and sworn that never again shall
they be sheathed till traitors sink to dishonored
graves. Proportionate has been
the number of those who have crossed the
stream of death. But song, and oratory,
and history, shall embalm their memories
for unborn generations. And while winds
blow, or rainbows span the vaulted heavens,
their names shall be written in letters
of living light with those who fell at Marathon
and Thermopylae at Buda, and on
Bunker Hill.
How Oliver Cromwell'* Chaplain Got
married.
The following characterisiie anecdote of
Cromwell exhibits "sharp practice" on
the part of the old Puritan :
Mr. Jeremy White, one of Oliver Cromwell's
domestic chaplains, a sprightly man
and one of the chief wits of the court,
was so ambitious as to make his addresses
to Oliver's youngest daughter, the Lady
Frances. The young lady did not discourage
him ; but in so religions a court
this gallantly could not be carried on
without being taken notice of. The Protector
was told of it, and was much concerned
thereat; he ordered the person who
told him to keep a strict Jook-out, promising
if he could give him any substantial
proofs, he should be well rewarded, and
White severely punished.
The spy followed his business so close,
that in a iittle time he dogged Jerry "White,
is he was generally called, to the lady's
chamber, and ran immediately to tlie Protector
to acquaint him that they were together.
Oliver, in a rage, hastened to the chamber,
and going in hastily, found Jerry on
bis knees, either kissing the lady's hand,
ir having just kissed it. Cromwell in a
fury asked what was the meaning of that
posture before his daughter Frances ??
White, wjth a great deal of presence of
mind, said, " May it please your highness,
I have for a long time courted that
foung gentlewoman there, my lady's woman.
and cannot prevail ; I was, theretore,
humbly praying her ladyship to intercede
for me."
The Protector, turning to the young
ivomau, cried, "What's the meaning 01
this, hussy ; wliy do you refuse the honor
Mr. White would (io you ? He is my
friend, and I expect yon should treat him
is such." My lady's woman, who desired
nothing more, with a very low courtesy,
replied, "If Mr. White intends me that
honor, I shall not fee against hpm"?
"ttayest thou so, my lass?" said Cromvell,
"call Groodwyn; tliis business shall
tie done presently, before I go out of the
room."
White was gone too far to go back ; his
brother narson came ; Jerry and my lady's
tvoinnu wt-ie uittr vifeii pitsi iRr
;lie Protector, who gave her five hundred
pounds for her portion, wliicli, with what
die had saved before, made Mr. White
J55y in hri circumstances, except that he
lever loved his wife, nor she linn, thpugh
hey lived together near fifty years aftervard.
Drunken Officers. ?Every one is conrinced
that the temptation of camp life,
he removal of home restraints, and the
mrdships of tlie march, all have their inluence
ui>on the soldier in causing him to
ireak away from his obligation. But if
he officers are the men of the right stamp,
he soldier cau bear up under ajl tempta;ion,
and grows stronger in manhood as he
vins repeated victories over himself, and
he difficulties in his way.
Officers will liave a most serious matter
>f business to settle with the fathers,
nothers, and relatives of riiined sous and
brothers, when this war is over. We enry
not the epaulets or title which the offi;er
may wear home from the field, if his
ecord there has been that of setting eximples
of dmukenness, and other demordizing
conduct. The soldier will copy
rom his superiors, and superiors are re.nnnoiUla
fni. tlio PVnTTmlpS tllPV Set. fllld
XV* VMV V ^ ^ ,
he consequent influence upon those in
heir command,
When peace returns, and all the facts in
heir history as officers are laid bare to
he world, we envy not those officers who
lave been false to their trusts. God's
urse will be upon them, and the execraions
of the people will follow them all
heir days.? 1 Vestern jwjier.
Bird's Sense of Danger.
The power of judging of actual danger,
ind the free and easy boldness wliich remits
from it, are by no means uncommon,
dany birds seem to have a most correct
lotion of a gun's range, and, while scrumlously
careful to keep beyond it, confine
heir care to this caution, though the most
ibvious resource would lie to fly right
iwav out of sight and hearing, which they
lo not choose to do. And tlicy sometimes
ippear to make even an ostentatious use
>f their power, fairly putting their wit
md cleverness in antagonism to that of
nan, for the benefit of their fellows. I
ately read an account, by a naturalist in
3razil, of an expedition lie made to one
>f the islands of the Amazon to shoot
poonbills, ibises, and other of the mnglificent
grnllatorial birds wliich were most
ibundant there. His design was coni
, , rtl -J T. 1
ueteiy Dninea, iiuwevc*, u* <? W icututu
ittle sandpiper that preceded him, coninually
uttering his tell-tale cry, which
troused all the birds within hearing.
Throughout the day did this individual
ontinue its self-imposed duty of sentinels
>f others, effectually preventing the ap>roach
of the fowler to the game, and yet
nanaging to keep out of the range of his
run.?[ (Jesse's Romance of Natural Hisory.
Showing her Colors.?A gentleman
rom Cheat Mountain tells the following:
A squad of Indiana volunteers, out
couting in Virginia, came across an old
rom an in a log cabin in the mountains,
liter the unual salutations, one of them
sked her:
" Well, old lady, are you secesh?"
" No," was her answer.
" Are you union?"
" No."
" What are you, then?"
" A baptist, and al'ys have been!"
The hoosiers let down,
/
The Yankee*
TIY IIK3RT WARD BRPCIIKI.
There lies, between the St. Lawrence
ami the Atlantic Ocean, a little gore of
land, a few hundred miles wide and long,
which seems to have been made up of the
fragments and leavings, after the rest cf
the continent was made. Its ribs stick
out bevond all covering; it has sand
enough to scour all creation; there are no
large rivers, but there are many nimble
1 little ones, that seem to have been busy
! since the flood, in taking exercise over
! lifts and rocks. Its indigenous produeI
tions are ice, Indians, and trees. Its wild
i fruits are whortleberries and chestnuts.
1 About the time that this part of the continent
was first explored, a great plague
had swept off a large portion of its Indians.
Trading and commercial adven!
tnrers had endeavored to effect a settle
I meat in vain. The place seemea too nam
for Indians and roving traders. This
I tongue of land was set apart, apparently
1 for a wilderness, and it had peculiar apti!
tildes for keeping men away from it. Its
! summers were short, its winters long, its
' rocks innumerable, its soil thin. Bounded
, to the north by hyperborean cold, to the
east by endless forests, to the south by
the ocean; only to the west was there an
: opening through which the people could
' ever make their way out, should there ever
be a population. To settle this cold and
sombre corner of the creation, a race of
men was raised up called the Puritans.
Naturalists tell us that every plant has its
insect, and every animal its parasite; so
there must be some sort of animal adapted
; to live on these shores, aipl that animal
was the Puritan. The Puritan was not
j described by Cuvier, or by any naturalist.
None of the modern ethnographers have
given attention to this class of beings,
They have been described in popular literature
and in newspapers; and if we may
not believe them, what shall we believe?
Taking our idea from political speeches
. and newspapers, the puritan was a hard,
j tough, gaunt, creature, utterly devoid of
| taste and of the finer affections, but excessively
endowed with a holy combativeuess.
He was always to be seen with his eyes
eartli-lxrand, and a sanctimonious face;
whenever they were lifted it was to find
fault, or moi}ey, as the ea?e plight bp. He
is supposed to regard all men as wrong
but himself; liis vocation is to put all
tilings right. Therefore he is the moral
| tinker of the universe, ajid is for mending
! rips in morals, and putting patches upon
conduct generally, making up the deficiencies
he detects in providence and creation.
Like the sea-bird, he is ever on
the wing, and never better pleased than
in a storm. TTais character infests the
whole western continent, and causes more
disputes, controversies, and excitements
than aU the rest ()f the population put
together. &p other perspnageis could have
lived in New England, and nothiug else
could live there if he did. He was tougher
than the stone, drier than the sand, more
obstinate than the seasons; and, indeed,
some naturalists tell ns that since the
Puritans settled in New England its pli~
mate nas grown iuum mtuier. eVell nrw
England winters could n6t stand the eternal
fault-finding of fclie Puritans.
As long as this controversy between
nature and the Puritan was confined to
New England, men were patient. But
within a hundred years we have seen great
mischiefs introduced upon the rest of the
continent. There is the Hessian fly, that
has robbed millions on millions of dollars
from the wheat crop; there are weevils,
and blights, and the curcnlio on trees;
and then we have the Canada thistle, the
very Yankee of botany?sharp, hungry,
and prolific, with a million of spedfy and
every yipe tp sprout, growing ten
! times as fast when you out it up by the
I roots as when you let it alone. Among all
these none have been so much deplored
as the spread of the .Yankee. He is the
i plague of the continent; goes everywhere;
engages in everything; is always and everywhere
the same disputing, meddling,
reforming character lie was in England,
and is in New England, and seems likely
to be until the end of the world Agitator
in politics, disputant in theology, faultfinder
in morals, prying Up peaceful citi;
zens' houses to see i! the underpinning is
i safe?the vender of gimcracks to every
! housekeeper, he has always some new way
of grinding, or screwing, or twisting, or
rolling, or churning, or knitting, or sewing,
or plowing to show. His plows and
i washing-machines would build the Chinese
wall. The Puritan Yankee has at last exhausted
the patience of the saints of the
plantations, and they have determined to
" hunt him home to his den." and to shut
him up iheye all by himself. We would
suggest, therefore, that all the Yankee inventions
be collected, and a wall be built
of the carta, plows, reapers, ohunis, sewing
machines, clocks, stoves, and all the
contrivances which the indefatigable Yankee
has invented, and that all the Yankee
books, spelling books, reading books, histories,
geographies, theological books, be
piled upon the top of these, and that it he
rendered lawful to shoot any Yankee who
attempts to scale the wall; and then it
may be hoped that, left to feed upon
these, they may become refined beyond
the body, and peradventure the whole
stock may rise some windy day in blessed
translation, and leave the world in peace,
to shudder at nothing any more, except
the remembrance of the horrid Yankees!
Recipe for an Evening Party.?Take
all the ladies and gentlemen you can get;
'.place them in a room with a slow tire; stir
them well; and when they get well
crammed, stew them till they boil over
into the stairs and passages. Have ready
a pianoforte, a harp, a handfull of books
or prints; put them in from time to time;
when the mixture begins to settle, sweeten
it with polifcsse, or wit, if you have it?
if not, flattery will do as well, and is very
**11 1*x*v**v <dATi'<wl nnrollmv fill'
VT ilCil ilii nn.ru oitncvi m^>vuva ava
two or tliree hours, put in one or two turkeys,
some tongues, sliced beef or ham,
tarts, cakes and sweetmeats, and a few
bottles of wine?the more you put in the
better, and the more substantial your rout
will be. N. B. Fill your room quite full,
and let the scum run off of itself.
A New Dance.?"Shall I have the
pleasure of your company for the next
set?" asked a not very well educated young
gentleman of a pretty young lady at a ball.
" Wliati8 to be the dance, sir?" "Ditto," !
said the young man, referring to his programme.
"Oh, you must excuse me,
then," said the young lady; "I can't
dance that,''
<
r >
?
How to Enlist a Company.
Among the many methods which were j
tried to induce men to enlist during the tli
Revolutionary war, the following furnishes |)r
a very successful one, and gave partial Qf
demonstration of the lighting qualities of sw
the captain : Uj
During the Revolution, Captain E., a Sp
member of one of the first families of fe(
Charleston, having lost in a skirmish most ip
of his men, went into the interior of South
Carolina for the purpose of enlisting re- frt
emits. Having appointed a rendezvous, l<
he spent a day or two in looking about the ro
country. At the time and place apoiuted pt
he found a large number assembled, not ci]
one of whom would enlist. After some j w
hours spent to no purpose, he appointed a y<
rendpzvons for the next day. and left the ilf
j ground. Next day came, and with it the | ]1
same crowd, hut lie met with no more ye
success than the day before. "What could \j?
| the matter be ? It was the first time du!
ring the war that a recruiting officer had x-(
been unsuccessful. Something must be
wrong, and ho determined to know what jj
' it was. Calling one of the rustics aside,
he then said : xi
,' Why is it I get 110 recruits ?"
" You don't think," answered the conn;
tryman, " that we are going to 'list under nf
; such a looking man as you are ? You are
dressed to fine to be much of a fighter." ^
j In those days knee breeches and silk
stockings were fashionable, and the capi
tain was dressed in that style; there lay * .
I his unpopularity. He turned to the coun- J1!
tryman, and remarked : ^1
"So you object to my dress, do you ?
: Come here to-morrow, and I shall have
I recruits ?"
i Next day the same crowd had assem- 8C
1 bled, anxious to know wind idea the dandy
captain had got into his head. After the ?*
crowd had assembled, Captain E. stepped
out., and said, in a clear and distinct voice: of
"My friends, I understand that you ! ^
1 object to me because I am dressed a little sl;
finer than yourselves. You think I am iu
I unable to fight on that account. I will to
whip as many of you as will come out, pi
one at a time, with the understanding that "
every man is to enlist after he is whipped, bi
Pick your men and send them out" lo
After some consultation, a huge, tfifaadsh
ruddered fpilow caige out. The captain | m
drew o }' his coat very coolly. He was j u
large and well-made, and a superior boxer. ; rp(
The countryman rushed up, intending to f0
brush out the captain in a few moments, ki
He mistook his man, however, and soon ' nt
: measured his length on the giiiss. A nf
, greater bully tlian the first stepped out to a\
take his place, and soon tool; Ips place on ra
the ground, The countrymen stared ; '
[ they had no idea such a man coidd fight; cc
; he had, however, enlisted two men, apd m
: must not be allowed to go fgrttjer. The ; m
I bully of the crowd no>y stepped in to take ^
j the gentleman in hand. He was a stout m
I fellow, weighing about two hundred |
pounds, and bragged that he had never 1
j been whipped. Ho knew nothing, how- ,
ever, about sparring, and lie very soon i
I fnllnwod Ilia nnmnnninne nroo n W
AVMU .1 V\? MUJ VVUt|nMi?UMO? 4^ Vv IV* U ItM l? .
crowd so strictly confounded; three of
their [best men whipped by a man from
?t?ii vltjf | Tln'j waid LimBj tculiui,?4(^ 1
and stood motionleas, *
" Well, my friends, are you satisfied ? i
I have whipped three of your best men.
I suppose you have no objection to follow , in
their example ?" 1 bi
" Not a bit of it," responded one of the er
crowd, de
" You'll do to tie to, old boy ! Come, "
boys, fall in !"
They did so, and in a short time the ru
captain had Ills company filled, and he be
had offers of more than he had room for. a 1
?N. Y. Uli'xfrate*! j til
A Few Queer Things.?We know lazy,
j shiftless, trifling devils, who never paid a re
I dollar of taxes in their lives, who are wj
| howling twelve out of the twenty-four in
! hours about 4 4 the enormous taxes we are nr
| burdened with," ' ia
We know men, tho seat of whose panta- be
loons display the flag of distress at half- '
mn^t, who could not buy a toe-nail of a ' <^c
nigger if able-bodied slaves were selling j -u
! at a dollar a dozen, who fly into a passion i
I if they hear of an "attack upon slave fu
property." ey
We know men who never did a day's
! work in their lives?save when borrowing
or stealing was impossible?who are howl- i c"
; ing like wolves against "niggers coming (le
to Ohio to compete with the labor of poor cl'
white men."
We know men who never had an entire
dollar in their lives, snend hours in exua
tinting upon the dangers of paper cu*-- ! fei
rency, ! to
There are queer people in the world. , sh
i Nine tenths of all the talk on the above ;
topics, is done by the classes mentioned, j "
?[Buckeye Slate. ! lei
Was the Moon eveb a Comet??Accord- ar
ing to M. Arago, the Arabians thought
themselves of older date than the moon, fn
They maintained that their ancestors had
inhabited this planet before it had any tal
catolitow. fjluicK Hllli Hil.i .ilngulni w|??it?;
ion, some jdiilosophhers have imagined Vo
that the moon was formerly a comet, j " ]
which, in performing its elliptical course wa
around the sun, came into the neighbor- ' th<
hood of the earth, and was drawn in to be
revolve around it. i
Such a change of orbit is possible, but -u
evidently it could not have taken place if a ^
the comet's perihelion distance had been
great. The comet must, therefore, have tj1(
passed very near the sun, and have experienced
aii intense heat capable of dissipating
every trace of humidity. The co
almost entire absence of an atmosphere mt
around the moon, the scorched appearance }ve
of its vast mountains and deep valleys, _
and the few plains that are seen, have been
cited as proofs that this luminary was once ed
n nnmef loC
qn
Soldiers! Avoid Liquors.?In Iiulia, asi
said Mr. Hogan, forty-four in one tlious- fri
and soldiers who had received an allow- >
ance of grog, or rum, died; the Bass Ale coi
was tried, and the average fell to twenty- ! m{
three in one thousand. The brewers raised I m(
a cry of rejoicing over this result, and i 0f
said, "Ale is the thing to preserve life
amongst our army." But a majority of ^
noble soldiers practised total abstinence
in India, and the average deaths amongst ^r,
these had been eleven in one thousand. ^sj
<
Truth in Disguise.?It is a debatable. <<'
question whether a person who has always j
been in the habit of lying has a right to j
tell the truth. It is, of course, the cnly
device by which he can dec.ive people, J I o.
i
?
0t
.llisCELLANEOlS ITEMS.
A fair young girl is loaning pensively on
e casement, gazing with thoughtful
ow upon the scene Mow. The bloom
fifteen summers tint her soft cheek, the
eets of a thousand flowers are gathered
>ou her round lips, the curls cling to a
otless brow and fall upon a neck of perct
grace, the soft swimming eyes seem
jilted by the tenderest fire of poetry,
id beauty hovers over her as her most
cored child. Wliat are her thoughts?
)ve cannot stir a bosom so young, sorw
cannot yet have touched a spirit so
ire. Innocence itself seems to have
iosen her for its own. Alas! has disaprintraent
touched that youthful heart?
?s, it must be so. But hist! she starts?
t bosom heaves?her eye brightens?
>r lira mirt?she sneaks?listen: "Jim.
>u nasty fool! quit scratching that pig's
tck, or I'll tell mar.
Button, it was once stated in conversant
had dissected a near relative, A lar
exclaiming against the unfeeling act,
e Macran observed, 44 Why, madam, she
is dead!" Tliis remark reminds us of
e French princess who sat to ('anova for
>r statue. A lady, to whom slie was
caking of the fact, inquired, 4 4 Did you
>t feel rather uncomfortable?" 44 Not at
I," rejoined her highness, 44 for of course
ere was a good fire in the room."
A poor widow's little boy wanted a slate
school, but she eonldn't afford to bny
m one. The next day, seeing one in
s hands, she inquired, in some surprise,
Why, Tommy, dear, where did yon get
at slate?" 441 heard you say, when pai
died," he replied, 44 that now he lias
>ne we must look above when we wanted
ly thing, so I went up and got this slato
F the roof. I wish I had a frame for it."
A man who squinted, but was unaware
his infirmity, had his portrait taken by
ioliolsou, and, on being invited to inert
the performance, said, with rather a
sappointed air, 441 don't know?it aeoma
me?does it squint?" 44 Squint!" reied
Nicholson, 44no more than you do."
Really, well, you kuow best, of course; *
it I declare I fancied there was a queer
ok ftbput it!"
In a country town in Massachusetts,
any years ago, lived a man known as
nele Zeke Gushing. He had a neighbor,
awer, whom he hated most religiously,
r the simple reason that Tower had
lied his favorite ram. Tower died: but
>t so with Caching's wrath. At the fn?ral
l\c looked at the corpse, and turned
ray gritting his teeth, saying: 44 Kill my
m, will you?"
While Rabelais lay on his death lied he
>uW not help jesting at his very last moen
t; for having received the extreme
iction, a friend, coming in to see him,
id he hoped he was prepared for the
>xt world. 44 Yes, yes, answered* Riibe?,
u I am ready for my journey now;
ey have just greased my boots."
441 will erive vou my head," said Mon
squieu, " if every word of the story I
ive related is not true."
"I accept your offer," said the presi" "
v*-ocynt,s pf smal) va|hp strengthen
e bonds of friendship, and should never " * *
i refused,"
Zeno, the philosopher, believed in an
evitable destiny. His servant availed
mself of this doctrine while being beat[
for a theft, by exclaiming, u Was I not 1
>stined to rob?" "Yes," replied Zeno,
and to be corrected also."
A French gentleman, who had heard
m called spirits, went into one of our
>tels a few evenings since, and called for
glass of punch, requesting at the sama
ne that it should be made with "ghosts
Dm the Vest Indies."
At a woman's convention, a gentleman
marked that a woman was the most
eked tiling in creation. 4' Sir," was the
dignaut reply of one of the ladies, {< woan
was made from man; and if one rib
so wicked, what must the whole body
>
"Rise, GeorJie." said an industrious
otch fanner to his cowherd, one morng;
"rise, Geordie, for the sun's up."
44 It's time till him," retorted the youth1
cowherd, yawning and rubbing his
es, 4'for he was na up a' yesterday."
An Irish attorney threatened to prosete
a Dublin printer for inserting the
atli of a live person. The menace collided
with the remark, " No printer
ould publish a death unless informed of
e fact by the party deceased."
"Don't stand there loafing," saidaprossor
at Franklin and Marshall college,
three students, standing where they
ouldn't.
" We're not loafing," said one of them;
there are only three of us, and it take*
tn rnftkc a loaf."
A man carrying a cradle was stopped by
t old woman, and thus accosted:
44 So, sir, you have got soma of the
lite of matrimony."
44 Softly, old lady," said he, " you miske;
this is merely the fruit-basket"
1)111, nut?jnmi^?inuiupj -i* bad
ur due, you'd get a good whipping.
[ know it, daddy, but bills are not al,ya
paid when due." The agonized fapr
trembled lest his hopeful son should
suddenly snatched from him.
The modest young gentleman mentioned
our last may like to know that there is
roung lady somewhere in this vicinity,
10 will not sing modern songs because
sy are new ditties, (nudities.)
A melting sermon being preached in a
iintry church, all fell a-weeping but one
in, who being asked why he did not
lepwith the rest, replied: 440h! I belong
another parish."
When Miss Fanny Keinble was presentto
Mr. Emerson, he listened to her and
)ked at her for a while, and then, relinisliing
her to a third person, he stepped
ile, and exclaimed breathlessly to a
end, 44 What quantity!"
The individual who attempted to raise
Its from horse-chestnuts went into the
irket the other day, and inquired for a
)ck-turtle to make "mock-turtle soup "
> . i ?
Monsieur Tliouvenel, tlie French miuis ,
expressing his surprise at the Japase
eating raw fish, received from the
sfc embassador for reply, "We eat raw
li as you eat raw oysters."
She that marries a man because he is a
food match," must not be surprised if
turns out " a lucifer."
!'i
What kind of men are most above* ,
axd? Why, chess-wen, of course.
I1
S
f M - ,