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The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, October 10, 1857, Image 1

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VOT.TTME I.—NUMBER 24-
THC NONPAREIL
Wi w
if AVNABD fc A. D. LOM6.
.. i, Meek,
w
8urT"
fggng-n nst\t«
ADV
One Square, 12 lines or lew, one
Kach subsequent insertion, ..10,00
7,00
Kicb subsequent
Same oue year,
tlx month*,
three months,
One Column, one year...
iix ittoiiib«,
three months,
Half Column one year,.. .•••**••
Mix inoitlbs,
Jhree
"*"•.•....60,00
...3ft,00
40,00
..30,00
..20,00
30 00
20.000
.........16,000
6,00
O^anl, Column, one^--
tbree months,.
ROBERT L. DOH*lAS8,
A_n,Nt-gv
AT
LAW. WILL PRACTICE IS THE
i ,urt. uf Record in the State (it Iowa.—
e roper Kant
HH,TD
or the »ric* Building on
S^oP^'tott. Paciac Hotel, formerly
uucuptH by II- C. NuU kto.
Council blufls City, August lrt-uU-u
S. HONN. W F. MCCLELLAND.
BONN
MCCLELLAND,
A
PBVStCl \\S 4t 8l«6EOS8.
COUNCIL BLCFFS, IOWA. T"
Curtis' Brothers,
Surveyors and i.a»d Ageats?
COUNCIL BLUFFS, IOWA.
OFY1CC.XO. *, r\lAEft'S BV.OCW.
«TILL PAT PROMPT ATTENTION TO TIIK LAY
W iaK »««_o« '£me ^T*rZie »11 for"1
connected
slims o!
K'.MI
Civil kn^ineeriiiit, Draft
Taxes, Buying and Selling
Land Warrants, and Making Coilect.oiis
n. J. BhiMlvan. M. P.
T)HYMtlA?l St StROEO.N. OFFICE HEAD
Xot Broadway, Council bluttb, Iowa.
UK. S. VERDI fc
E 0 N E N I S S
(Graduates of American Dental Colleges.)
on Broadway opposite Palmer's Block
rorXCIL BLUFFS, IOWA.
Saturday May, l*.V7- "'-11
DOUGLAS & LARGE,
Carpenters it Joiners,
HAVK
i.ATKI.V
OPKNKD A SHOP ON
Council bluffs, June 27-nW-u
(»Oi)DS,«riH:erie8,
A.TTORNEY
Sl»oe», l^ilang Liquors,
Queeufctvdie, fttc., ±c., and
KORWAKDI.VG & COMMISSION MERCHANTS,
•Ad.. HI reel, SI, Jiiseph. Mo.
A. C. FORD,
AND COCN'SKI.I.OII AT LAW, COCS-
VII. BLUFFS, Iowa.
sj-Oftlce over rlie B.iikmg House of (ireeue, Weare
Wanton, Middle Broadway. nS-U
J. P. CASAIIV. J- 1 TKST.
i'ASADY & TEST,
Jlfsra'YI mad 5W«»H.r» ml M,atr, mm*
CE1EKAL L.1D AGEXTS,
CoiiNcif. TOWA.
rlLL I'KIIUl-TI.V ATTIiVD TO I.IMI
Aceimes t'l.lkvtioiis,
I in! nhd Selling L.iad Warrant
pertauiiug to their professlvU i
braskn.
w u Al' iuy,
nd ail other business
p'estcrn lu\va and Ne
nlu.
&. w. rnicE. W. C. JAMES.
PRICE fc JAMES.
I TTOR1NEVS AT LAW,
il Iowa.
A. COCHRAN,
Gknoral Xjaudl ^Vgout,
CorSClL BLll'FS, IOWA.
IITILI.
rilOHI'TLV
ATTEND TO THE LO-
Vv CATluN and Sale wf Land WarrauU for uou
residents tbe |iayiuent of Taxes, and the purchase and
sale of Heal Kstate generally. Will also enter lands
for settlers and give time for paymeuts [n2-u.
B. K. PKliKAM. S. 11. 1UDDLK.
R. 11. PEtlHAM & CO.,
Rankers & Dealers iu Exchange,
COOM'IL BLll'FS, 10*A.
lil-
D. C. BLOOMK1,
mrjf PubHe K t'ommUtimifr of Uttdtfrnr
I hi Html* mt .Vtr I VrAl.
DEEDS
A O.\ VI:VAN I:S OK ALL KI.\IS,
proiuj'Hy rttled out
tir vm« in Empi
WL49 1857-nl-u
Bloc
k. «p|K
D. C. BLOOMKR'I
Land Jfncy ami JSnt.fi &Mtr%
EMPIRE BLOCK.
M.<p></p>A'A."
OF THE LAM)
s pfinptly attiMideti •,». hand iv nuht and
Money I^anod and Land Kntored on Tune. I*and
Warr.int k»'pl constantly fur fralo ai tho !n«tt ratc«.
ir Oltli-e Kinpire Block, oj'j ••He Facittc iluU»e.
May 1867-ulu
OK, fl.VVUKK. J. II. SIIKRJIAX.
HXYDEH §II£UMA!¥y
Altorarj^ Coasselsrs at Law Jr Nsisrir» Public,
COUNCIL BLUITS, I O W A
WILL
PRACTICE TlflvIK l'KOFESSIO\
in all tho Courts of Iu*a .i:»d .Nfor.oka. AM
collections* entrusted to tbcir care. HiictHlcd toproiuplly.
Kspecial attention given to buying and MMtiu£ real Ce
tate, and making pre-emption* i" Ncbiaka.
Deed.*. Mortgage*, and other iu rutut ur of writing
Urawu with dispauh, akuwWlCtU u«wl* lakca, Aic.
yyomceon Unnar Broadway. nlu.
J. P. CA8ADT. J. TEST.
CASADY & TEST,
Bank.ers
AND
Bealers in Exchange,
Council Bluffs, Iowa.
Till ('((I NCH
From Graham'*
ANGELS OF THE MAIN.
BY ADA M. KENNICOT.
rWterin* ligbtly Ml the putt ft
Comes tbf crystal footed rain
While likt pMrlt tbe toft 4npi |!p^ ..
A* we used to in onr childhood}
iSeath the gentle holy spell, i
%l the cottage or the wild-wood,
H'hcn the fairy fuot-steps fell.
AStE*
KATK8 OF ADVERTISI.Vd
And we can aimotf beliere, Ja
As we used to sometimes then,
»Tis because the angels grieve*
O'er the waywardness
of men
And that Heaven send* the shower^-'*
fo revive each drooping heart,
Even as they cheer tbe flowers,
6,00
When the morning dews depart.
80,00
Washing fmm the spirit's leaves,
AH the darksome dust of riu,
Till each blessing it receives
Wakens thankfulness within,
Oh, tbe tiny trembling things,
The radiant rain-drops kirl
We Cflilfl tbe waviug wings,
Making inusicin tlieair.
Their cool touch on our bnw,
Will never thence depart)
We bear them even now
In ike hush within onr hawt.
With childhood's holy faitb.
That trusts BO oft in vatoj
Oh would that we mi«bt see
Tbe angels of the rain.
We will put aside the stem,
Sad teachings of our life
Quench the flres that inly burn.
Of selfishness and strife)
We will wait in prayerrul ailence,
That they may come again
AjuLwill ope our spirit's portals,
the angels of tbe rain.
POISOMKG A HUSBAXP.
'IF you ever take a glass of brandy In this
house, Nelson," said nis wife, 'believe ine,
it shall eoutain poison for 1 have lived a
drunkard's wife long enough, and 1 care
not how quick tho world is rid of me."
'Not if they despatch
you from a platform
with a rope, Kittyr*'
'No, not if they despatch me from
a plat-
with a r0Pej
f°F
1 reP,eat
«Bp|m.
Kstate. Locatinn I S S) I am tired of being a drunkards wife.
1 cannot walk the streets but there seems to
ho a mark set upon me more fatal than the
one God caused to intlict t'ain. 1 hear it
whispered from almost every corner, 'there
goes a drunkard's wife.'" and then our chil
dren are pointed at as tho children of a sot!
l.et me try as hard as I may to keep them
clothed and sent regularly to school, they
meet with nothing but jeers and scoffs while
I, for the last ten years, have been a victim
to your brutal appetite. So now I warn
?ou in season, tluit 1 will endure it no lon
ger. If vou place another bottle of brandy
in that closet, and afterwards attempt to
drink of it, you shall die! for 1 aiu despe
rate, nor care how soon the scenes of life
close, if there is to be no end to your beast
ial habits.'
And the wife's cheek was almost ghastly
pale, and there wits an unnatural expression
in her eye which made her husband quail
beneath "her wild glance but he tried to
laugh—for he was sober now, and he wish
ed to make his home pleasant until it
suited his purpose to go out again and spend
what rightly belonged to his family, to en
rich the rum-seller. The wife had known
him too iong to indulge the delusive hope
that kindness would bring about his reform
so with a determined air, she made the
threat that caused her husband to quail,
though he tried to appear jovi:tl ana un
concerned. But the wife had a piercing
eye, and with one keen glance, she read his
thoughts but she did not falter or swerve
from what she had spoken.
'O, Kitty, you wouldn't poison your hus
band, would you?' continued he, with a
shade of anxiety on his face.
'Ask me no more queslious," said the
wife, with no smile on her lip« Sou have
heard whut I s tkl, and now wuit to mu the
issue.'
•O coine, Kitty—don't he so hard with me:
you know, after nil, I aui the best friend you
have, and that i love vou and the children.'
'Yes, but you love tho bottle better than
either, .Nelson, mid 1 have borne with meek
ness too many hard words from you—ay,
even hlows in your heats of intosicatiou, to
expect now that 1 shall ever have a pleasant
home again. When you arc sober for a
few hours, as you are now, your intell'-ct is
covered with such a mist that you are the
Nelson Brewer that 1 married years ago no
lon^i'r: so I cannot transfer to you the love
which 1 bore him when tho Hush of youth
was on my cheek, for you area drunkard,
and do not merit the love of a wife and
children. When you lifted tho cup .uo of
ten to your lips, his spirit left your bloated
body, and since that time, my life has been
worse than widowhood, though for my
children's sake, and that they might have
bread—though at times scantily fed—I have
remained in your miserable home, and some
times, wlieu* in a hopeful mood, I have
thought perchance you might reform but 1
lime given it all up now! llope lias tied,
and 1 see nought but the alms-house and a
drunkard's grave iu the future.'
LOWBR
Broadway, back of tbe Old
Laud OIHce. where thev are pre
pared to execute, with prouiptue
jll orders left wilh them
will furufh If desireil. ui
spcclllcatiolis for buildings.
53-COFFINS made to order on short notice,
M. TOOTI.K, W. (1. FAIllLBIGH,
T. K. TOOTLE, (J. W. TOOTLK.
TOOTLES Si. FAlRLUICili)
EXCLUSIVELY
WHOLESALE DEALERS IN' DRY-
Mr. Brewer made no further remarks.—
lie sat in silence a little while looking out
into the narrow court, seeing his pale, mea
gre children playing with the children of the
neighborhood—as miserable as themselves
—and a sigh half escaped him but he tried
to smother it, and in a few moments inquir
ed of his wife if she would soon have sup
per ready.
'There is not nn ounce of food in the
house,' said his wife with a mournful air.
•Well, it shan't be so long Kitty,' return
ed the husband, pleasantly. And as he rose
and went out, lie stopped on his way and
tneireled his wife's iiecu with his arm and
playfully gave her a ki.-s.
Tii wife for a moment forgot her serious
inood, bnt ere she cotild give a response, he
darted through tho outer door and was
I gone. With it heavy sigh, she resumed her
i needle and listened to tho voice of the chil
dren as they came in at the open window:
nor did she expect to sec her husband again
till lie came reeling in, as usual, at a late
hour of the night. But scarcely half an
hour passed ere she heard his footsteps in
the entry, and in another moment he enter
ed, bearing in his hands sufficient food,
when cooked, to provide a comfortable sup
per. Mrs. Brewer did not utter iiuj excla
mation of joy at what she saw she only
arose quickly, put away her sewing and went
about preparing the meal. And when it was
ready, it was eaten in silence by the parents
but the children could not restrain their joy,
nor did their mother chide them for tneir
manifestations of delight as their father
reached them cafcc after cake, and served
them liberally.
'Kiss me, lvitty,' said the husband, pleas
antly, as he arose from the table and pass
ing around to where she was sitting, pre
sented his cheek near her lips.
(n7-u
UllUiorrictt. W.H. M. FIIEV, All's at Lie
OFFICER & PUSEY,
KKAL. ESTATE BIOKERS,
Aad Dealer* Lu Wvruti u Esciaafc,
COUNCIL BLUFFS, IOWA.
WILL
ATTEND TO SELECTION AND LO
CATION o( lands in We»teru low a and Nebraska
the payment of uxe* on lands uf n^u-reoidcuU and the
arilaMain and remittance v( claims.
Mtftrmtti:
a Pitltburg.
Rank of Pittsburgh,
Kxcban^e Bank,
Messrs. Kramer fiu Rahm,
*4 K. Holmes lb Soa*
WHIis Bootbe, £»((.
Wm. B. Pusey, Esq.
Sf.JtMta.
Jno. J. Anderson k
Me-«?r?. Page & Batua.
Loker. Iteeick h. Co.
ViolettfcCo.
Messrs. Bryan h. Co.
Iowa.
Cook, Sargent & Downtj.
Uenn, Wiliitms fc. Co.
H«»yt Sbemian k. Co.
Hon. Thomas B. Benton, St,
Pcnnti/irani*.
MonongahelaB'k of Brown
vine.
Franklin B'kof Washinfion
Baltimore.
Sprtugjield, Hi.
*V)m. k. F. B'kof Baltimore
Haltimore Savings Bank.
Slews. Jobn.*«'n fitBro.
''Robert arret
M. & K. insurance Co.
Clark'g Exchange Bank.
Jacob Btmn, Ejmi.
lion. S. T. l^'an.
Col. Jno. William^
4.
Boos.
I
MtTifc
SMUTI. Esq.
Nathan
Mile. Whu.," ,,
rorfc.
no. Thompson, km
JacktonviUe, IB.
Hon. Wm. Browu.
Richard Tales,
Kiliott, Esq.
Messjs.
PhUadelpkt*'
Messrs. Caleb Cope it u.
M.
P. Ayers Co.
ni^u
X. W. Kynett &Co^s
Xortk HMe Uwn Brw(«iy,
DEALERS IX
The wife was silent for a moment, and
there seemed to be a struggle going on in
her bosom, for a tear was in her eye and a
changing expression on her face but in an
instant more, they passed away, and look
ing sternly into her husband's face, she (aid:
'No Nelson, I will never kiss a drunk
ard's cheek again.'
'I am not drunk now, Kitty.'
The mother drew her child nearer, and
lifting the heavy chestnut curls that cluster
ed around her neck and occasionally shad
ed her face, whispered in her ear something
that pleased the child, and she broke into a
hearty laugh, which brought others of the
group to their side with loud protestations
that they, too, must have whispered in their
ears that which mtide their sister Mary laugh
so. Mrs. Brewer again pressed her'lips to
listening cars, but her words brought DO
Ail the New & Standard Book*, Maga- I merriment, although they seemed to satisfy
zim, Periodical«, Cheap Publications
,l"'
Stwtpoptrs,' &c.} &c.
the children
f^r^Wiad^
with it, that her children were kept in as
comfortable a condition as tbey were, while
attending school, as her husband had long
•ince lost all pride in the appearance of his
family. The little Mary now cleared the
table, and placed the coarse, scant furni
ture in order around the room, and then she,
took her needle and seated herself beside her
mother, and with an expression half merry
and half in fear, said:
*And do y^ really intend to do so, moth-
'I do, child but hush!
you must not speak
so loud, for your brothers and sisters might
here and they are not old enough to trust
with important secrets.'
Mary drew nearer to her mother's side,
and together they talked and sewed—the
latter on garments for the family, and the
Other toiled on cheap slop-work that she
ifight obtain a pair of shop-worn shoes for
next Sabbath's wear, at an ezhorbitant
price now lying on the shopman's shelves.
And then when the sun withdrew for the
night, and an artificial light was needed, the
drunkard'e children sought their humble
beds, while the wife and mother waited at
the window in darkness to listen for the
coming of him she wished, yet dreaded to
see for she knew not whether his footsteps
would be steady. She heard the city clock
strike nine, ten and then eleven, and her
heart grew faint, for every moment seemed
to bring the time nearer wnen she should see
her husband reeling in, and hear the foul
oaths that would come from his lips, and in
imagination she felt his heavy liana fall with
ponderous weight on her defenceless should
ers—heard the children, as in times gone
by, when awakened at midnight, shrieking
with fear, and then pass the night in sleep
less misery. And now distant footsteps
echoed up the street and neared tho door,
and the latch was lifted. It was he! Nelson
Brewer stood within his little kitchen, and
with kind words inquired of his wife, why
she sat so late and waited.
'That 1 might know if the bottle had boen
filled,' answered the wife with firmness.
'And do you indeed, Kitty, mean to put
poison in tliat bottle if 1 bring it home nll
cd':"
'1 do, Nelson and tho same look of de
termination accompanied her words.
'Well,' said the husband,'there it is emp
ty and he drew from his outside pooket a
large black bottle and turned the bottom
upward. 'But 1
can get drink and will so
you might as well be peaceable and let me
bring it home and drink it, or 1 shall reel
through the streets after 1 have drank it
elsewhere.'
'No matter,' said the wife, sternly, 'you
cannot always evade me, and when you feel
the death pangs shooting through your veins
you will remember my words.' And she
arose and went to her room.
Mr. Brewer took the seat his wife left at
the window, and with the cool night breeze
blowing on his heated brow, nis mind went
back to former years when she first became
the sharer of his home—how beautiful she
looked when he brought her from the home
stead away up among the trees and flowers,
and what a happy prospect was his the first
year or two of his married life—for his bu
siness was prosperous and his Kitty proved
to be all that he thought she was, faithful,
loving and prudent. But temptation came,
and he had yielded in spite of the tears and
entreaties of her he had promised to love
cherish and protect—notwithstanding that
the little flock which increased around him,
needed his active exertions to make them
what society required and he contrasted
those years of manhood with the last few of
his life. What changes seemed to have been
wrought in everything! in his wife's love
and in people's respect toward* htm—and
he began to believe now, what had been
ninted to him by a neighbor, that bis wife
was growing insane, for she seemed so
strange—so Jifl'erent from her former self,
that he felt frightened at her threat, and
felt too, that her determined manner was
proof sufficient that she meant what she said.
.So as the drunkard sat and thought, ills
seemed to thicken, in his imagination at
least, till, with a troubled brow he arose,
closed the window, and sought his pillow.
Mrs. Brewer was sleeping and the hus
band tried to sleep too but he could not,
for he remembered in his dreams the fear
ful threat of poisoning made by his wife,
and he saw over again the mental exagera
tion her wild expression and pale cheeks as
she spoke, and he resolved that he would
drink no more, but trj to soothe her mind
and restore it to its former state.
And the next day came and Mr. Brewer
was sober, and the empty bottle stood in the
cupboard untouched. A week went by and
then a month or more, and still Mr. Brew
er shuuncd his former haunts and went dai
ly to his shop, for now his wife began to
liopc that the fetters that once bound her
husband was broken, and there would be no
more misery iu their home so the old smile
of other days came back again, and when he
playfully caressed her, sho did not turn cold
ly tiwayj but spoke words of encouragement
even stronger than she felt, and pictured
happy days in the future. Iler manner
pleased her husband, for it rid him of his
care for her intellect but with ease of mind
came longing' after old companions, and
once more ho fell.
The contrast to the wife was dreadful, as
he again reeled into his home, but there was
no renewal of the former conversation
about poisoning. And thus several weeks
went by, when Mr. Brewer, forgetting his
wife's threat and his former fears, stagger
ed into his miserable homo with a well-till
ed bottle secrcted in his pocket. Going
slyly to the closet, he pushed it far back in
to tho corner of a shelf, and then crept
along to his room and laid his head on a pil
low to take a drunkard's troubled sleep.—
Though Mrs. Brewer did not apparently
look up from her work, she noticed every
movement of. her husband. But she made
no remark and when he was gone, she told
Marv to put the younger children to bed,
for she had business out. Then wrapping
a shawl around her shoulders, she sought
the street.
The children were soundly sleeping when
Mrs. Brewer returned. Even Alary, who
was left as housekeeper, had leaned her head
back in the rocking-chair and closed her
eyes, and when her mother awoke her, she
sprang suddenly up, and with a wild ex
pression, inquired if she had been te get the
poison.
'Go to bed, child,' said the mother, 'for
it is late.' And Mary, with a bewildered
air, obeyed.
When Mary had retired, her mother took
from her pocket a folded paper, and taking
the bottle from the shelf, poured the con
tents of the paper—a powder into the liquid
within, and replaced it in the corner. The
next morning sne aroused the children ear
ly, and after due preparation, told them to
go the Common and play till school-time,
and then from there go to the school-house.
Mr. Brewer's potations seemed to have
been deeper than usual the previous night,
for he did not waken from his lethargic
sleep until after the school-bell sounded,
when, with a levered and misty brain, he
crawled from his bed and half staggered in
to his comfortless kitchen. There was no
one present so going to the cup-board, he
espied, standing as ne had left it, the dark
bottle in the corner apparently untouched.
His burning thirst was too intense now to
remember anything but that the means to
gratify his appetite was before him he did
not even notice the sediment in the bottom,
nor the peculiar taste that lingered in his
mouth after the liquid was swallowed. And
now that thirst was quenched, he again,
with unsteady step, sought the old-fashion
ed bed room back of the kitchcn, and when
ho had once more pressed his pillow, he
tried to sleep but a peculiar sensationstole
1
•Well keep sober long enough to give me
confidence fnat you will reform permanently,
and then perhaps 1 may feel some of tne
tenderness for you 1
felt in other days, but
not now should 1 wish to bestow a caress
on you.' And Mrs. Brewer pushed her chair
from the table while her husband turned
•way and went out.
'Don't be cross to father," said the eldest
bom, a beautiful child of twelve years, 'for
he has not been drinking to-day. So apeak
pleasant to him, and maybe he won't urink
•ny more."
fentlv,
fe
PUBLISHED EVERY SATURDAY MORNING, BY MAYNARD & LONG. OFFICE, NO. I PALMER'S BLOCK, THIRD STORY, COUNCIL BLUFFS, IOWA,.
COUNCIL BLUFFS, SATURDAY, OCTOBER 10, 1857.
from the bed but his head was dixxy, and
he fell heavily back, loudly calling on the
name of his wife.
In an instant the door that led from the
kitchen waa thrown furiously open, and
Mrs. Brewer, with blanched cheeks and dis
hevelled hair, entered.
'Did you call me, Nelson?' said the wife.
'I did oall you,' replied he slowly. 'O,
Kitty! what have you done?'
'What I said I would do-and now you must
die! Ila, ha, ha! You have cursed the
earth long enough.'
Large drops of cold perspiration stood
Ee
rocure him an antidote for the poison, and
called on llim who alone has power to
stay death, to witness that he would never,
never touch again that which would intoxi
cate.
'1 believe you not," said the wife, "for
you have promised me too often. 1 could
save you even now, if I would, for I have
an antidote but I will not—you shall die."
'Then I will save myself,' half shrieked
the husband, as witn a convulsive movement
be threw himself from the bed and tried to
gain the outer door. But his wife sprang
between him and it, and turning the key,
she withdrew it and threw it out of a back
window into the garden beyond. 'Then 1
will leap from the window,' said he, his
voice growing fainter aud fainter at every
moment.
'Never!' shouted the wife, in a demoniac
state and she drew from beneath the small
shawl that was thrown around her should
ers, a pistol, and aimed it at his breast.—
'Dare take another step toward the window
and I fireV' said she, assuming a determin
ed attitude.
Mr. Brewer was soon overpowered! lie
felt that he had not courage to battle with
death and a maniac so sinking upon his
knees, while his body was convulsed with
pain, he offered up a prayer sincere and
neartfelt, that if he could be but once more
restored to health, no intoxicating drink
should ever wet his lips again.
"If I could believe you!' raid the wife,
more calmly looking on.
'You may—you may!' he returned, almost
gasping.
'swear it again and again and kiss this
book,' continued the wife, 'and then if 1
believe you, 1 will save you but if not, you
have but a few moments more to live.'
The husband grasped the worn Bible, and
again and again repeated the oath, then
sealed it with a kiss, and fell backward ex
hausted fainting.
Mrs. Brewer stepped to the little closet
and laid by the pistol then returning, she
raised hisnead from the floor and placed it
on a pillow, and taking from her bosom a
paper, she mixed the contents with water
and held it to her husband's lips. With dif
ficulty it was swallowed, and in a few mo
ments after, Mr. Brewer commenced vomit
ing, and then his pains grew less.
Mrs. Brewer did not nurse her husband
with tender care, but much the same as a
maniac would nurse some favorite pet—
anxious at times and then neglectful. But
it was several weeks ere he ventured to go
out from his home, for his wife acted so
strangely, that he feared she would do in
jury to herself or children—and well he
knew if she had been the same, she would
not have tried to poison him, even though
he had been more intemperate than he was.
Mr. Brewer did not like to expose what
his wife had done, no did he allude to it,
even to her, for he felt that he was the
cause of her mental derangement. But
when, after his recovery, she proposed that
they should move into another neighborhood
where he would not meet with so manv of
his old associates, he readily agreed to it,! °°'n8
•'And when that scene was over, did you
recover your mental faculties at all oneei"
'Not before him,ohild, but gradually and
dreadful as seems that time to me when 1
look back, I cannot even now regret it, for
we hare all lived ha$py since. But 1 think
it is not best to tell your father even now,
for he might think Mrd of pa for the strata
gem I employed, but 1 meant it only for the
good of all.'
'0!' exclaimed Mary and her mother, on
looking up, saw a pair of dark, laughing
eyes peering thrqugh the crevice of the door,
and then her husband entered, and placing
»uu ucu nci uusuaiiu uiiouu,
on the invalid's face, and his features were his arm uround tho neck of his wife, saia
distorted that none could have recognized pleasantly:
in him the inebriate Of yesterday, for the 'I have heard all about it now, and the
palor of death was on his brow, and every mystery is all cleared up, for 1 have some
limb was rigid. But Mrs. Brewer seemed times had doubts about your ever really try
to observe it all with joy, aud gave vent to ing to poison me. But that pistol! Ila, ha,
her feelings in a wild, idiotic laugh, while ha! Well, 1 believed it all then, and now 1
tbe husband, with failing strength, begged am very glad 1
did, for it worked a reform
humbly, prayerfully, that she would hastily' in me that has made my life haypy since.
and which will continue while God gives me
strength to keep my oath.'
AN IRONICAL PEOPLE.
Every day ordinary intercourse in this
country is full of irony. In taking an es
timate of what we are as a people—the
greatest on tbe earth's surface, inventive,
last, not very polite, grasping, excitable,
impetuous—we must add irony as another
striking national idiosyncracy. Before we
illustrate our truth we may account for it
after a simple and natural fashion. We ex
aggerated immensely. We garnish our talk
with bold metaphors, strong comparisons,
vivid expletives. Our adjectives we are not
apt t« be mild. Common words will not ade
quately express our thoughts, which will
not Le chained down to the pure old Saxon.
At last we exhaust the vocabulary. The
most startling and intensified parts of speech
becone common place and insipid. Hence
we auopt irony, a delicate sort of sarcasm,
to gi'e greater weight and pointcdness to
our utterances.
pi through with dexterous manipulations,
before you succeed in placing the dollar se
curely between the pendant fingers.
When the digits re-appear, they are en
twined about a miniature mint of small
an(l
and from this time there was a gradual from the clutch of the driver, several pieces
change working in Mr. Brewer's home. The ^'P between your fingers and diffuse among
black-bottle was broken, the old furniture j1116 straw of the floor. Threo trying min
was cast off for some of better quality, the i
coppers, in disengaging which,
utes ftre
that she might purchase shoes for the Sab
bath. The wife's mind grew more calm
and peaceful now, though she never allud
ed to the past and so years rolled by, and
the husband still kept the oath he took
when he thought death so near him.
Ilis sons and daughters had now attain
ed to the stature of men and women, amid
peace and plenty, and though time had
added to the father's age, one w)uld have
thought him younger now than when he
took the oath
One evening, a dark-haired youth—the I
reat dread of a maniac, and well he knew
had given me trouble enough to make
me insane so I acted well my part, for I
waa always called a good mimio, and now I
had too much at stake not to do my best.
You heard me make the threat, but 1 knew
I could trust vou so 1 whispered in your ear
that it was all pretence. But still you fear
ed, and 1
did not like to talk about it after
wards, for that morning's scene did well
nigh drive me mad, and nothing but the
folby
at first through his veins, that kept
im wakeful, and then it gradually increas
ed, until pains began to shoot through his
frame. The threat of Mrs. Brewer that was
not
reatest fir mess preserved me. Well, Dr.
prepared—! could not say what—but
it had the desired effect, and 1 knew if he
died it would be fright alone, and that 1
had an antidote for his paina when I saw fit
to give it.'
'And would you indeed hare wot my
father?' inquired Mary, trembling.
Mrs. Brewer eould not refrain from unil
ing.
•'I guess not, Mary, as the pistol had no
lock on it, or I should have l»een afraid to
uttered so long ago, and in her frenzied handle it. It was an old one 1 found in my
hours, that the husband had ceased to think neighbor's attic that morning, and I hardly
of it- but now, as his pains increased, and know what prompted me to take it. But it
he could
account for them, the pre- answered a vm good purpose, as be was
vious threat shot through his mind, and too frightened to know a pistol from a
wiA-a lond.*«»,lw tri«tt.n*. hiMt»
consumed in finding them, but on
children went better clad to school, and lit- restoring them to the complacent owner,
tie Mary no longer sewed on slop-work,' Jou assure him that it was not the least
When the atmosphere is particularly fer
!l*
The mother sat silent for a moment, and
then looking up with asmile, she answered:
I
was a desperate game 1 played—one in
which I knew if I were successful, I should
never regret it, and if I were not, I could
not be more miserable than 1 was, as 1 saw
his intemperate habits increasing.'
'And will you tell mc all the particulars?'
'Yes, child.' And Mrs. Brewer looked
cautiously around the room to make sure
they were alone—and when she became sat
isfied they were, she commenced. 'When
your father first became intemperate, it
grieved me to the heart—and 1 tried to rea
son with him and convince him how wretch
ed would be our lot, if he did not desist.—
But lie paid but little
attention to mo, except
for the moment, and then sought his old
companions again. Thenl begged him with
tears to shun intoxication—but all to no
purpose. He would make me fair promis
es only to break them, and thus year after
year wore on, until I resolved to try anoth
er plan, and this I told to a neighbor whom
I could trust, and to our family physician,
who knew my trials and felt great sympa
thy for me. It was, that before your fath
er I should appear slightly insane, and then
at a given time should threaten to poison
him. 1 knew your father always had a
acquaintance—who also happens not to
grate. hire an umbrella. Aud as a dripping and
nwlancholly recognition takes place, he says:
'Pleasant, this!-" aud you say: 'Delightful!'
aid go on your wet way.
'Mother,' said Mary, 'do you not remem
ber, many years ago, when we were very
poor, and father was intemperate, what you
whispered in my ear one evening?'
'I do, Mary."
'Well, I have often thought it very strange
that you would never allow me to allude to
it afterwards, but 1 knew something unusu
al took place about that time, for one day
when I came from school, I found father
We speak of a "lovely" state of society,
thereby denoting a murder, or two murders
a day, a prize tight, Mrs. Cunningham, and
an "olla podrida" of suicides, assassina
tions, swindles and pollutions.
verv sick, and you would not permit us to have only to call that somebody awfully ug
ask him any questions. But I recollect well lv and of a singularly ill-favored creature
from that time he never drank again, and are apt to observe, 'Isn't he (or she) a
we were better off. Sav, mother, did you
ever attempt to poison?*
beauty?
An acquaintance has just returned from
a jaunt. Ho assures us that he had a de-
asleep in the cars, missed
place, and had to come back without reach
ing his purposed destination at all.
This article has no moral. Practical re
flections are therefore wanting. We only
wish to have it understood that we are an
ironical people.—Phila. Journal.
DOISTICK'S LAST LAOER BEER EXPERI
MENT.—Laser beer is a kindly liquid and a
great mortu agent it is pleasant to taste,
and withal is not intoxicating, so people
say. Lager has taken out his papers and
become naturalised, and is thoroughly
American as he was before peculiarly Gcr
man. Lager is a capital fellow to know,
and 1 have just formed his acquaintance. I
never driuk inebriating compounds for sev
eral reasons one of which is, 1 can't afford
the money it costs to got drunk, or the time
it takes to get sober. 1 have therefore re
nounced ray former friends, Brandy Cock
tail and Whisky Punch, who are slippery
chaps. B. C. once left me in a station house
with my head the size of a peach basket W.
P. on one occasion led me into the society
of some gentlemanly -looking individuals
who picked my pockets of all my money,
and then blacked my eyes because 1 didn't
get a bigger salary.
Tot WAT TO DO BUSINESS.—Not long since
the conductor of a flourishing Printing Es
tablishment and newspaper in this State,
informed us the he had adopted, the Cash
system, and that it worked to a charm. He
said that, at first, some of his patrons were
selves perfectly satisfied. He presented his
bill for advertising quarterly in advance of
the execution of the work. Subscriptions
to the paper are all in advance, and every
paper discontinued as soon as the subscrip
tion runs out.—Republican.
any one else to help themselves to a slice.
If Mrs. Primpkins'philosophy be good up
to the two slices, why not to three, four ana
five? Tho old lady will become so polite
after a while, that it will be bad manners
fox hei
THE GAME AT CARDS.
*Tbe darkies are mine,' said the gamester,
striking bis fist upon the table, 'show 'em
up, ana let see what they look like.'
The young planter who had lost, sent one
of tho best servants below for John and
Helen. The passengers awaited the appear
ance of the servants in silence for a long
time, but they came not. The servant* in
formed them of the change of owucrs, and
they dreaded to see their now master. They
were attached to the young planter and his
wife, and did not like to leave them be
side, they had children of their owu at home,
and what would become of tkemV
The Winner bccan to wax impatient at
the delay, and exclaimed 'Come Danton,
hurry up the niggers. They mast move
quicker than this when 1 send for 'em or
they'll never know what hurt 'em.'
The young planter's aristocratic face
flushed crimson at this rude and brutal ex
clamation but made no reply. He was
about to send another servant for John and
Helen, when his purpose was stayed by the
appearance of Mrs. Danton. Her husband
had been gaming and she had been weeping
ever since the boat left Cincinnati, and we
were now far down the Mississippi. No
wonder, then, that she was pale and wan,
and that her eyes looked as though they had
nearly been "wept away but sne was ex
quisitely lovely, nevertheless.
Although many years have passed since
that evening, I can see the sorrow stricken
young wife now, as she glided up to the
table and looked her husband in the
eye. He could not bear up under her gaze,
lie had lost all his monev, and in a fit of
desperation had also staked and lost two
slaves. Laying her little hand upon his arm,
she said
'Is it true, Charles, that yon have lost
John and Helen?
Iler husband mode no reply, ho could not
even look up.
The passengers were now fast gathering
around, and the scene was growing painful.
My father, (who had come north to fetch me
from school, was taking the longest possible
way hoine,( was holding me by the hand,
and I knew by the tightening of his grasp
that he was becoming excited.
You twist into a crowded omnibus. Six
teen tenacious individuals resolved into a
heterogenous mass of skirts, buttons, whis
kers, kaues, noses and baskets, stare uncon
genially at you. You make a meek and
pathetic appeal for information as to wheth
er there is room. A pinioned and statuesque
party it a tight place says. 'O plenty of
room!'—the O and the BOOM being very
stronglj emphasized. The coach starts
with tfie customary jerk backwards and
plunge orward. In obedience to the rule
of gravitation, you vibrate and stagger, and
your heavy heel is bestowed on the foot of
a phlctharic old gentleman with an old style
stock absut his neck, resembling a silken
wall. His face turns purple and his eyes
twist and roll like balls of quicksilver.—
'Beg yom pardon—hurt':'' you quickly ejac
ulate, wi:h the most affectionate concern.—
'Oh, no! NOT AT ALL!' makes answer the
man of corns, in so decided a tone, that the
inferenc« would bo quite natural that it af
forded him genuine satifaction to have his
feet trolden upon—that the operation was
attende4 with intense pleasure. Whereas
he is shitting his mouth tightly, grimacing
and clenching his lists, in a style which
would iidicatc considerable physical suffer
ing. Into the open space created by the
exit of a great deal of crinoline and a little
flesh, bone and curls, you ultimately settle
down. You are unfortunate enough to oc
cupy that seat of all seats most uncomforta
ble—the one directly underneath the aper
ture through which a huge soiled hand is
squeezed at short intervals. Of course,
everybody makes use of you as a paying tel
ter. The passenger who was never known
to have anvthing under a dollar, imparts
that slippery and intangible coin to vou with mulatto, his face indicating unusual intelli
ihe intimation thot you will please hand it gence ana klud-hearteanesa. Helen wa
up. You exercise all your sagacitv aud1 much whiter than her husband, and re
markably handsome. The gamester's eye
gleamed as he surveved her, and then turn
ing to a savage looking mau near him, he
said
'I'll sell you, John, in the morning, Ham
mond, but Helen, I shall keep—at least for
a few days.'
'I'm agreeable,' said the slave-trader, for
such he was, 'but I'd like to have the gal
as soon as possible.'
As Danton did not seem inclined to an
swer his wife's question, tho gamester
roughly said
'Yes ma'am, John and Helen are mine,
and I want to seo 'em quick.'
Danton sprang to his feet, and stooping
across the table, hissed in the very teeth of
the gamester:
'Villian! don't you presume to speak to
my wife again.'
The look which accompanied this menace,
was perfectly blasting, and made the swar
thy and pitted face of the gamester fairly
turn white.
How inconsistent is man! That accom
plished and high-born husband could de
liberately jeopardize the property of and
corrode the happiness of his wife, hour af
ter hour,
day after day, and night after night
but could not bear that the man whom he
had chosen for a companion should even
so much as speak to her.
'Yes, Mary, John and Helen are lost,'
and it can't be helped now so don't let us
have a scene about it.'
'I shall not let them go,' said Mary, firmly
'and I will have a scene about it. 1 did not
say a word about the money, but that you
have played them away O, Charles." and
sho leaned her head on her husband's
breast.
'Ah! here tbey come!' said the gamester,
as John and Helen approached them.
John was a powerful and fine-looking
A look of indignation ran around the
group at this brutal colloquy. My father's
'.rouble, and not worth mentioning. But grasp grew tighter still und encouraged
there is deep irony in your words, and in thereby I whispered to him to buy John and
Ue awful smile which plays around your
streaming face.
Helen both but he shook bis head and mo
tioned me to be silent.
1 tell you, I shall not let them go, said
d, and the murcury hovering about, we' Mrs. Danton, addressing the stranger 'they
sjy to each other, as wo wipe our faces and i were brought up in my mother's family
f»n, 'Cool weather, ain't it?' to which in- they have children at home^from whom it
t^rro^atory the reply always is, 'O! very would be too
COOL!
YOU are caught in a heavy shower.
A"„d so had time dealt! A°od gates of the clouds are open wide, and letting the slaves go her husband said:
gently with the mother, for bloom still |tle rxtin is coming dowu in torrents. You 'It can't be helped now, Mary let us go
lingered on her cheek, and a happy smile don't happen to have an umbrella, and there to our room. ... -J
rested permanently on her face. happens to be no contiguous awning or oth-1 O missus, don go and leab me wid dat
e"
shelter. As you push frantically ahead
accepted lover of Mary—had closed the with your head down to the beating deluge,
outer door and left the eldest daughter and J*u come in collision with some one else—
her mother alone, seated beside the winter's
iliUit'U U^Ult't lll'LU
cruel to seperate them.
The gamester and slave-trader uttered
The sneers at Mrs. Danton's sentiment, and for
man,7 shrieked Helen, 'I shall die or jump
overboard. 0, don't leab your true Helen,
who sabed your life when you fell in de
byoc.'
'I shall not leave you, Helen, do not be
alarmed I
Bressde Lord for dat,' interrupted Helen
'I know we're safe now kase you always
does jes' what you say you will.'
'1 think it about time this nonsense was
stopped,' said the gamester, rising from the
table. 'You acknowledge, Danton that
these niggers are my property consequent
When we want to force the conviction ly they are mine, and I have a right to do
that somebody is mighty good looking, we
what 1 please with 'em no bill of sale is
necessary between" gentlemen. And now
you nigger, just come along with me, and
don't make a fuss, or I'll hare you flogged
and put in irons.'
The scene now became extremely exciting.
John drew Helen to his side, and clenched
lightful time oh! a splendid time! and pro- his teeth and his lists, while their young mis-
No, Mary, 1 never did but he thought I ceeded to narrate his experiences, lie lost tress stood close in front, as if with her
did, and 1 have never undeceived him. It his trunk, hau his pocket-book stolen while feeble .arm she would protect them from
i
.. .n.vr.*»nn» tVm nlntMiM t\f the I
WAB
a very important the clutches of the gamester. I was wild
ick in a strange with excitement, and begged my father to
buy the slaves or shoot the gamester—I did
not care which. A bloody tight seemed in
evitable, when a
young New bnglander, who
had been quiet during the whole trip, el
bowed his way to the table, and asked the
gamester at what sum he valued the slaves.
'Two thousand dollars,' said he,' do you
want to buy?'
•I have* only a thousand dollars,' the
young man answered, '1 will give you that
for them.'
'No sir, but I'll stake 'em against your
thousand dollars, and play you a game of
poker for the pile.'
'1 don't understand tbe game,' sftid tbe
New Englandcr.
'What game do you play?'
'I have played a few games at all fours,
but I never gambled for a cent in my life.'
'Well, I'll play you a game of all fours,
then, if you like, and stake tbe niggers
agaiust your thousand dollars.'
To tho surprise of every one present tbe
young man accepted the challange, called
for a new pack of cards, staked bis thou
sand dollars, and tbe game commenced the
gamester haviug the first deal.
As the company drew more closely around
tbe table, it seemed as though a watch-ma
ker's shop was in our midst so distinctly
could we hear the ticking of the watches.
The first hand the New Englander made
three to the gamester one, at which a buss
of pleasure ran round the group. The sec
ond hand the gamester made throe, and his
KStir ^Y.re I, P™" opponent nothing the third hand they each
a litths annoyed at the prompt presentation
which%ft
the New Englander two
p-sr* «.
MID it was his turn to beg. This was a great
advantage, and every body seemed to give
the thousand dollars as lost.
The New Englander dealt the eards with
a steady hand, however, and turned np the
jack of hearts, which placed him even with
Q^*Mrs. Primpkins thinks it just as bad nis antagonist but when lie raised bis cards
manners to take the next to the last article I saw that he had not a single trump in bis
on the plate, as to take the very last tho: hand, and his adversary was hesitating
person who takes the next to the last, ought whether to 'stand' or
4beg
to know that, be has cut off all chance for the game was lost to a eertainty} if the lat
ter, there would be another chance for the
slaves.
the former,
After drumming on the bade of his cuds
a minute or two. he looked at the New Eng
lander, to see if he could determine by his
mana&r what it was best to doi but _tji
V- \-iS\
young Banker Hill met his gaze without
iiiuchtng, and there thev sat for a long time
gazing into cach others' eye*.
'Run the cards,' said the gamester at
last.
I eould heve bugged him to- his mistake.
Bunker Kill agam dealt, and the queen uf
spades was turned. Every heart stood still on a
small scale we ever knew was
as the cards were the last time lifted. man who, Laving to pay another fifteen
•They are mine shouted the New Eng- cents, handed him a dime and a half-dime
lander "'or rather, they are yours, madam, *be« took
the audience. haps the celebrated f!ngli*h judge, Lord
Many years after I again met the New i Kenyon, might have paralleled it in his life
Englander on the Mississippi, and claimed time—he, of whom Lord Ellen borough said
his acquaintance, on the score of having apropot to the inscription on hU" tomli!
been one of his most enthusiastic partisans I Morxjanua vita (instead of ritae) "Don't
on the rfight of his well-remembered .tri- you know that that was Kenvon's express
umph. lie has prospered in business* and desire, as he left it in his will tl'iat they
should
become rich, ana was making the annual i not go to the expense of a dipthon*. If
pilgrimage to tbe family, hearth stone a Kenyon was mean enough to justify this
stone which has more potent charms for I bitter sarcasm, it is no wonder perhaps that
good than that at which kneel Mahomadun he did not refuse to die till n subscription was
devotees in the city of their prophet. He raised to defray the expense of bis funeral
said he had nefrer touched s card since that We have lieara oi a man wno, when be
memorable game that the thousand dollars i traveled in his private carriage, carried his
he then risked, was the sum total of his sa-! own oats with him to feed his home at the
vines for many toilsome years but that he hotels, and also a hen to cat up the seatter
staked, and played the game with perfect ing oats, so as to save there and lay an egg
conviction of success. I for his dinnur bat even be was an "incarua-
Danton had sought him out, and kept the tion of liberality compared with a miser
acquaintance ever since and Mrs. Danton i who died some years ago in the East. From
could travel the world over without fear,' fear of coming to want he hung himself
for he had forsworn gaming from that never but was cut down, and on seeing the rope
to-be-forgotten night. lying OH the floor, cut in two, exclaiirnjd
rAT) HTv"f
~Fl
sr
Rummaging the othor dayj over a drtWrfr
filled with ola clippings, we came upon this
dian, and give you an interest of one third.'
'Not thout 1 was willing, would ye!' ask
ed Suggs, jetringly.
•I'll do better than that,' said Taylor,
wiping the blood from his nose, 'I'll furnish
the money, and give you half what the land
sells for when we part with it?'
'Very proberly,' remarked Simon, 'but
unless some of ye count me out five hun
dred, and furnishes your own money to buy
the land with, 1 shall have to unlock these
here'—patt ing his saddle-bugs—'and buy it
for myself.'
'I'll do it,' said Colonel Bryan, who had
been marking a calculation on the inside of
the crown of his hat—"I'll do it?'
'Ah,' said Suggs, 'that's what made the
chickens squall. You re the men l'mhun
tin\ Draw yer weepins?'
The land was forthwith certified to Suggs
who immediately transferred it to
'Now, gentlemen,' said tho captain,
"everybody's satisfied—aint they?'
'If they aint they ought to be,' replied
Col. Bryan, who was delighted with his bar
gain.
"I think so, too," remarked Suggs, 'and
bein' as that's. the ease," he coutinucd,
opening his saddle-bags, 'as I had to act be
fore you all as if my saddle-bags were full
of gold and silver, or else lose my chance
of profit here, I'll now throw out these 'are
wild
Sroav or TBK GRASSUOTPKR MIGRATION.—
Among other speculations in some of tbe
Eastern papers, about the ravages of tbe
grasshoppers in this territory, tbe idea is
shadowed forth in tbo New York Evening
Pott, that this grasshopper, or this species
of the insect, is a native of Utah and Min
nesota—and thus allow the inference to be
an obstacle to the settlement of such a coun
try. This brought out a communication
from a "Minnesota Resident" in the section
of country on tbe Upper Mississippi, where
tbe destruction was greatest the two past
seasons.
The writer advances the theory that this
species of the grasshopper migrates from
West to East annually, and sustains this
theory from the alleged fact, that the in
sect left the Pacific snore some five years
ago, and left Utah and tho valleys near the
sources of the Missouri Iliver, threo years
ago. He believes tbey will continue their
annual migration till they reach tbe Atlan
tic States. Their habit has been to By from
two to five hundred miles each season, de
stroying a targe part of the crops of the
season in which tbey light down, deposit
their eggs, and the following spring hatch
and mature about the middle or last of July,
destroying nearly all tbe crops of that sea
son before they fly East.
^Old Maid. 'What! nine months old
ana not walk yet? Why, when I was ba
by, I went nlone at six months.'
Indignant Young Mother, (aside) 'And
jou've been aloi^e ,ever,«nc!'
•M
Vsttt
»w*s»» "*.***•
mm- tf&
ass
rs-f
*w 3,
$2 00 PER ANM'M.
ncfiruam#
Ererv emmmmity basfo efcfrflints, and
probablv the extremist ca«« of meanness
we eould name might be matched t,v some
specimen of equal intensity witMn'tft
in se
Before Suggs opened his saddle-bags to pris0n*r. After considerable trout*- a man
pay the Indian woman^or the land, General l10 was sleeping below was aroused up and
Lawson, who wanted a slice, came to him questioned concerning tho colored man and
and said: ,. ''le coil of rope. The sleepy individual
'Mr. Suggs, I like to have an interest in avowed that he knew nothing about either,
your contract and I'm willing to pay the In-
re.
collection of every one of ovrreftdrn-. Otie
of the severest esses of "simrp practice"
that n
UHMH
said he in a milder tone, to Mrs. Danton, as Spanish niuepence and two cents, suving:
he threw down the ace of spades. i There take tliat I've a rii/ht to tare kali it
The beautiful and impetuous Southerner cent when I in." This is certainly the verv
threw her arms around the winner's neck, tripe extra
it
the concentration, diatilieil
and tbree deafening cheers, in whieh tbe I essence, and quintessence
of meanness—and
slaveholder joined,'told the satisfaction of actually approaches to the sublime! Per-
back, and nnbiwimwi A
v
«'hy spoil a new i ope by cutting n Could
Vu" m*'V" T'"' tor%
8
ln=
no further go.
"goose story." It hrst appeared the QCICK TO DECID*.
Buffalo Republic a year or more ago, but The Judge of a Western C«Wt mi
will be none the less fresh and racy on ac- i decided a point adverse to a certain Liwver,
count of its age. If the reader is in the Lawyer was stubborn and insisted that "tbe
habit of wearing "good clothes," we would Court was wrong.
advise the precaution of unbuttoning them 'I tell vou that I am ri"ht yelled tbo
before commencing the perusal: Court with flashing eves.
"We have a true story to tell. The way 'I tell you, you are not!' retorted tk»
they catch wild geese on the western waters counsel.
is sufficiently wonderful, without at all tax
ing the credulity of any one. They are
very fond of a small and active eel, armed
'I am right!' reiterated the Court.
'1 say you ain't!' persisted tho cotuiseL
•Crier!' called the Judge, 'adjourn tbe
with a sharp head and teeth, whose habits court for ten minutes." And jumping from
insist upon its swimming very near the sur- the bench, he pitched into the counsel, and
face of the water. It is very seldom the
1
a lively fight placed him lion du combat
geese can get hold of this choice morsel, and after hich business was again resumed!
when thev do, tbey have a
grand jollification but it was not long before another misunder
over it. This eel the hunters use as bait for standing arose.
their geeseships. 'Crier,' said the Court, 'we will adjourn
A short time since two hunters went out this time for twenty minutes and lie was
to catch wild geese. One hunter lay down taking off his coat, when the counsel
in his canoe with a trout lino attached to Never mind, Judge, keep on vour coat—
his wrist, and on the other end in the water, the pint is vielded—mv thutnbfs o«t o'iint
was tied the nimble eel spoken of. The ca- and I've sprained my shoulder l'
noe floated slowly through the marshes, and —.
came gradually among a large flock of geese VENTRILOQCIS* E TTRAOKDINART.—A ntgfc
the eel swimming along close to the surface, or two since, an officer of the $ixib Wartl
One venerable bon vivant of a goose, gob- overhauled a colored iudividual who was
bled up the eel like a flash, also, the Jeel coming away from the wharf with a coil of
made its way through the body of the epi- rope. Darkey was questioned as to wheru
cure, and lo! the goose was an string. he got the chatties, and he replied that he
Another goose afflicted with luxurious was a hand on the steamboat Forrest, and
palate swallowed the eel, hardlv noticing on {that both the rope and its custodian were
obstruction, travelled through the gooRe- "all right." The officer turned ebony to
grease wilh scarcely an effort. And so this I the right about, and both went together on
identical eel traveled and traveled, until some board the boat. Nobody was in sight, and
seventeen geese were on the string, and our the darkey went boldlv up to a gangway
scientific friend, thinking he had been for- and shouted out, '•Helluj Bill!"
tunate enough, commenced hauliagthem in- "llello it is came a response, in a gruff
to the boat. But wonder of wonders, the sepulchral tone, which Blitz would have cn
seventecn geese rose upon their wings as one
goose, and before our friend could make a
will or say a prayer, he was lifted bodily
above the water. A friend of his on shore I sis?"
who saw the difficulty, and his rifle fortun
ately being loaded, shot off tha string and
rescued his friend. So instead of wild geese
our hunter got cold duck and although he
fishes no more for wild geese with eels, he over his prisoner,
is prepared to affirm, assei
the truth of the foregoing,
ga
id:
vied and whieh seemed to emerge from tbo
depth of the steamer.
Come up on deck right away, Bill dercV
'.iug dis rope!"
shouted the gruff*fat^
i, till I get on my trdi*-
"Well, pull a heel den and he quick, fur I
want to be off."
This coloquy served to measurably satisfy
the officer, and relaxed his watchfulness
The latter embraced the
is prepared to affirm, asseverate or swear to opportunity to take liis leave slilv, and bo
the truth of the foreroinir." i took the co'il of rope with him. The officer
meantime L-'eaiue tired of waiting, and
u* Speculation. I „,,lt
areh of hi, voucher for {lis late
Krui (he„ffieor
finally ascertained that he had
been regularly "sold" by a thief who pos
sessed first class veutriloquial powefs.—
Phila Bulletin.
£Considerable curiosity was excitedat
the Ocean House, Newporj, the other day,
in conscquencc of one of the newly arrived
visitors having mace the following entry in
the register:
"Tobias Johnson, Indiana, P. L. B."
The clerks and boarders cudgeled their*
brains to throw some light upon the mys
terious initials, but in vain: and at leugth"
the proprietor, in the blandest manner pos
sible withdrew to iuquire of Mr. Johnson as
to their signification.
"Well, Mr. Landlord," said Johnson, "I
will tell you. When I was last here your
fellers charged me five dollars for "boot
cleaning and as 1 wore patent leather all
the time, it struck me that it was rather an
imposition. However, that there may be
no mistake this time, I place those letters
at the end of my name, that you may know
that I wear patent leather boots."
There was no charge for boot oleankig in,
Mr. Johnson's bill at that visit.
P5T Judge Strong is thevcrv magistrate
who made bis mark, when quite a youthful
lawyer, by the ingenious counsel which ha
gave a client, and clcarcd him entirely aud
rocks and old irou for it's mighty tiresome very unexpectedly. Ho practiced in Jeffer
to a horse?-" and tbe captain did throw out son County, and "a prisoner being arraigned
the rocks and old iron, for he had not a
dollar in the world! The speculators van
ished.
This here's a mighty hard world,' rcrur-
for theft, who had uo.counsel, the Court ap
pointed young Strong to that service, di
recting hitn to confer with the prisoner, aud
give him the best advice he could under the
mured the captain to himself musingly, 'to circumstances. lie retired with bis client
get along in. Ef a feller don't make ivery to an adjacent room for consultation, and
aidge cut, he's in the back ground directly. I when an officer was sent to inform theiu that
It's tile and strive and tussle every way to the Court was waiting Strong was found
make an honest livin.' Well,' he continued alone, and returned with the officer into tho
in a strain of unusual pitv, us he throw up
and caught a roleau of dollars 'well, there
is a Providence that purevides and cf a iuan
will only stand squar' up to what's right, it
will prosper bis endevers to make some to
feed his children! Yes, there is a Providence!
I'd like to see the men who would say there
ain't. 1 don't bold with no sicli. Ef a man
says there is no Providence, you may be
shore there'ssomething wrong here'—strik
ing the region of his oreast pocket—'and
that man will swindle yon ef be can, Mr
tain."—Scene* in Georgia.
Court room.
"Where is your client?" demanded tbo
Judge. ,•
"lie bas left the place.'' replied the!***,
yer.
"Left the place!" cried the Judge.—
"What do you mean, Mr. Strong?"
"Why, "your honor directed me to give
him the" best advice 1 could under the cir
cumstances. lie told me ho was guilty^ And
so 1 opened the window, and advised fiim to
jump out and ruu. lie took my adviee, as
duty bound, and by tins Use be iedRWK#?
than two miles off.
£fTAn honest Hibernian, trumMIngSlonsf
a hand-cart containing all his movables, was
accosted by a friend with—,Well, Patrick,
you are moving again, 1 see.'
•Faith I am, he replied. 'The times aro
to hard, it's a dale cheaper hiring hand
carts than paying Tints.'
gyAt aa examination of the College of
Surgeons a candidate was asked by Abern
ethy: 'What would you do if a man was,
blown op witb gunpowder?* i -v
•Wait until be earns down,' be coo%
plied. iS-7
•True,' replied Aherncthy 'and snpposa
I should kick you for such* an impertinent
reply, what muscles would I put in motion?'
•the flexors and extensors of My am*
for 1 should knock yon down issineditteiy
He received bis diploma.
gyA farce was performed in Bannister's
time, nnder the title of Fire ant Water.
'I predict its fate,' said he.
'What fate?' asked tfee anxious author bj
his side.
•Wftat fate!' replied Bannister, 'why,
what can fire and water produee bat a hiss.*
£5T*Mister, what d'ye ask for these (toc^-
••us*?' .n
•Fifteen cent*.'
*4
•Fifty sints. I'll give ye thirty.* *ds
'Why, I only asked vou fifteen!'
•Ocli, then fU^iie ye ten.'

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