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The north Iowa times. (M'Gregor [i.e. McGregor], Iowa) 1856-1857, December 05, 1856, Image 1

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.tHilO.VaKT A
VOL. 1.
Jtortji Jotoa Cinus,
Terms of Subscription^
(he Copy one year in Adtaitt$i
aix BIO'S -i »t
Hates of Advertising*
|§r E*tnhlinhfd by the Editorial Convention of
Iowa, held at Muscatine, May, 1, 1655.
Square, [12 lines or 1o§b) first insertion, $1,00
Each Subsequent insertion,.
three months.
(. six month%. /I'..' 6,00
o n e y e a V i W 2 0 0
^Pws' Squares three niontbiii 6,00
six months,8,00
-Quarter atacp]gqan( jtav jogr,........... 125,00
Third if*' "«. l..i,.r..V35,00
column, one year,
4 2J~Onr Square, is Twelve lines Rrevfar."
IpraiNRs* CAMS, [of Ate lines br less,]
pn w, 6,00
E7*The pricc of advertising, subject to collec
tion any time after first publication.
ITT All Transient advertisements paid for in ad
The North Iowa Times Job Office is
famished with a neat assortment of Job Type
and material, entirely new and of the latest Style,
which will enable us to execute Plain and Ottut
•lental Printing, such as
Bonds, Circulars, Bill Heads,
Checks, Receipts, Letter Heads,
Blanks, Orders, Ball Tickets.
Drafts, Certificates, Hand Bills,
Posters, Business and Visiting Cards,
la a manner thit will give perfect satisfaction to
•II who favor us with their Orders.
Xee St Kinnaird,
,i Land and Insurance Agents, Main street,
McGregor, Iowa.
JYorth western R. It. Co.
Office at Decorah, Iowa.
C. LEE, President,
*•. K. AVKBII.L, Sec'y,
.,$!S. BALDWIN,Chief En
W. T-'. KIMBALL, Treaa.,
E. E. CooLtv, Alt'*.
j, T. Stoneman,
Ix'fi -liiMoraey St Counselor at Law, and Real Estate
Agent. Taxes paid for non-residents, Notes and
fci accounts collected. (McGregor, Iowa.)
.f. S. BluirSrBro.,
•Attornies and Counselors at Law, General fjenl
vatate Agents, (Main Street,)
McGregor, •Iowa.
Hint. 1'otter
•fw Attorney and Counselor at Law, Solicitor in
j., JChaucery, Notary Public. (Main Street,)
e o IOWA.
IfGregor, Iowa,( (Gutenberg Iowa
i,..--. Remitk St Brummond,
f.*Jlttorneys at Law. Office over the Bank, Me
frcgor, aud first door N
ortli of City Hotel, fVuteu-
Evans St Conkey,
Wholesale and Retail Grocery and dealers in
flour, Salt, Pork, Produce aud Agricultural Im
XT A gents for John Deer's and Evans & Adam's
ploughs. (Nt*. 2 and 3 Main Street,)
llingstey St Rhodes
'(Successors to Jonet) Si Bass) Produce, Forward
Ifig and Comoiissiou Jtferchants,
lIcGaEooa, IOWA.
O* All goods consigned to the above firm,
forwarded with dispatch. Liberal advancements
#ade ou consignments.
Sherman,w7Mc*ltorrine ST Co,
Wholesale and Retiiil Dealers in Dry Goods
'Clothing, Boots and Shoes, Hata, Caps,Groceries,
Hardware, and Cutlery. (Jtfain Street,)
e o I o w a
S o o o n u
Wholesale and Retail Dealer in Clothing and
Gentlemen's Goods, also Scientific Instruments
*r Surveyors, Engiiuwn, Draftwnou, aud Sur
geons, (Alain Street,)
McGregor, Iowa
o n a e
IWioliKile dealer in Furniture, of all kinds,
Jfain Street,)
Mc(ir- or, St. Peti*r. SL Missouri River
OFFICE, Up Stsiri, IK Cbrtw Brick Block.
Bain street,
e o I o w a
JNO. THOMMON, Pleat. J. BROWN, Sec'y-
Mi. JV. WHikertton,
Wholesale and Retail Dealer in Merchandise,
stoves, Furniture, *c, Main street.
McGregor, Iowa.
WHlliams St Harvey,
Wholesale *nd Retail -tfardwarq Merchants, Main
Mi'Grdjpjf) .'»•('•
Uli Jas
Scott St Bro
Dealers in Dry Goods and Croceriei, Yankee
Notions, &.c., &c.,
O" Product bought and mid.
3fain street. llf
G. S.AkinST Co.,
Wholesale and Retail Dealers in Drugs, Medi
cines, Oils, Piiints. Putty, frlnss, Dye Stuffs «c.
IT* Pure Foreign and Domestic Wines and
•IT W Liquors, Patent Medicines, constantly on hand
at the Drug Store opposite McGregor House, on
"Main street, Itf
Chas. JV. Shaw,
Wholesale Dealer in Groceries, Wines, Liquors,
Boots Shoes and Clothing. Derby Si, Diiy's cele
^ra^^'SUr Brand Whiskey, Main street, [ltf
7 «. IT. JPlanders,
Jcal»T in Groceries, Provisions and General Mer
chandise. New Frame Block, Main Street,
McGregor, Iowa. ltf
American House,
By W- H. HARDING, Main street. W
McGregor House,
street. llf
Farmers' Home,
Bv JULIUS BOETTCIIER, Main street, [ltf
Upper House,
By J. McMl'l.LF.X, Main street. ltf
Father's Home,
By A. WANSEY, Main street. ftltf
H. Mien St CO.
Wholesale and Retail Dealers in Groceries—
Foreign and Domestic Liquors kept constantly on
hand for the Trade. Near the Public Square,
Mcgregor. 7tf
JDr. k i n.
Physician and Surgeon. Office, at Drug-Store
Mc Gregor, Iowa. tf)
Homer Kennedy,
Healer in Lumber, Shingles and Lath, Levee,
McGregor, Iowa. Hf
Cabinet Jftaker.
McGit^or, Iowa. n4 If
Walter St Bro.
Home Sign, and Carriage Painters,
Will do Tainting, Graining, Glaring to Order, in
the best style,
Main street, M'Gregof, Oct. 1856.
Stodney Hurlbut.
Attorney and Counsellor at Law, Solicitor in
Chancery anil Notary PubKc.
All Notarial Business and Conveyancing prompt"
ly and carefully transacted.
Gen. JOHN II. ROUNTREK, Platteville, Wis.
T. H. ROIIERTSON, Esq., Galena, Illinois.
Hon. WM. R. BIDDI.ECOME, St. Louis Mo.
McGregor, Dec. 1,1856. 9tf
Cor. Ulain an«l 4th Street**
ID" Stages arrive and deport daily for all parts
0 1 1 A O E Y
H(iLJ'nAL? Gr0v^I'aii£ca,er
tin ft
DuucgrK, IOWA.
Gilbert J* Buchanan.
Wrriti Bmrrtm,
.Sfiinj .s*ece*»or» to Jam* Ban, mi:
ts Dry Goods. Awts, Shoes and Leather
..jHats and Cate/ Ready-made Clothing, //ouse
furnishing G.Qpds, Hardware, Groceries and
'^^Uueea's Ware* at Ihe qU ttand/ Main street.
Uh McOregor, Iowa.
». jq, J¥arrison,
ku Wholesale jnd Ooaler in Stab, Poors and
/Blinds, Main strert,
IfoCfsEooa, 'r1:
k Henry C, Hayt,
Dealer in Lumber, Sbingfc*, and Lath, Levee,
McGregor, Jews.
«i*lrtaO it tilt liii*.
street, Dubuque, Iowa, auu 24 Dey
From the LaCrosse (Wis.) Democrat.
see them on their winding way** !r i *.
To where the Heights o'erlook the bttf
With dresses swelled, by hoops out-spread,
And hats that hang BEHIND their head,
And troops of youn^ ones at their heels
Who fill the air with merry peals,
Lo! Brooklyn belles go dashing by
Like stars that shoot athwart the sky
Forth, forth and meet them on their way,
The (hirer sex brook no delay
Their merry laugh and blithesome song
Re-echo as they skip along
And nearer, nearer, nearer still
1 sec them rushing to the hill!
They've reached the spot upon the grl||
Is seated many a blooming lass,
Whose flashing eye and glowing cheek*
And joyous heart, of pleasure speak.
Their rattling tongues, that bach'lors rack,
And prove the power of woman's claok*
Are heard above the City's din
Like scores of tinkers hammering tin I
No sound of wheels upon the bay
Is heard when all their clapper's play
Of truant beaux and Shanghais too,
They chatter till the stars peep throsgh
Ami louder, louder, louder still
Their gab is heard upon the Hill!
Yes, joyous are the Brooklyn girls
When evening breezes fan their curls,
And fitful zepyrs cool the brow
As fresh pumped water cools a cow
But hark musquitoes hover near,
And tender belle's their bugle3 hear I
And pismires wandering through the gflMfc
O'er ivory skins have dared to pass
Up, up, and*off!—the thought atl'ri^lu#—
The losses rush from Brooklyn Heigh
Without a glance cast o'er the bay,
Urosvenor 4' Skilly,
HOLESALE uiul Kcuii ikaltis 1U Hooks, ...
Sutionerv. Music. Musical liL-itrumwits. i
AShoe*, [No. 109, itfainStreet, lcompanion
Importers and Jobbers of Linen threads, spool cot
tons, Guns, Rifles, Pistols, Cutlery, Perfumery,
Watches, Jewelry, Combs, aud Fancv Goods. No.
XJnited States Clothing Store.
Wholesale and Retail Dealers in Rubber and Oil
Clothing, shirts, drawers, handkerchiefs, Trunks,
Valices, Carpet Baga, &c., No. 73 Main street,
(Under City Hotel,) Dubuque, Iowa. ltf
Wholesale dealers iu Boots, shoes and rubbers,
Fourth street, (under the Pcuslee House,) Dubuque
Iowa. The Trade will find with us everv variety
and style of Goods manufactured in tkdMSastcm
States. ltf
Johnston A Shfatr,
Wholesale Dealers in Hosiery, Gloves, Ribbons,
Lace and silk goods, linen thread and spool cottons
Cutlery, Jewelry and Yankee JVotions generally.
No. 33, Main street, (Opposite Julien House,) Du
buque, Iowa. ltf
Dealers in Dry Goods, Carpets, Oil CToths, Win
dow shades, mats, rugs, No. 108, Maia street
Dubuque. n3 3m
JLeland J. Babcock,
Dealer in BOOKS Sl STATIONERY, Wholesale and
Retail. Also,Piano Fortes^ Jlfelodeons, Ouitan,
Violins, Sheet Music, &c.
(No. 10G Afaiu Street, Dubuque Iowa.) n5tf
Wholesale Grocers and Commission Merchants,
und Dealers in Wines, Liquors, Porter and Ale,
corner of Iowa sod Fourth Btreets, Dubuque,
Iowa, Nov. 21. 7tf
J. M, St
Importers, Jobbers and Commission Merchants ta ,.
staple and fancy Dry Goods, No. 303 south water corresponding hole, and the coat had been
street, Chicago, Ills. ltf uninjured. On opening the body, neither
the brain nor the cranium showed any
appearance of injury a little blood ap
peared in the cavities below the lungs,
and in the lungs towards the back, which
fy t*ootiB, uroosrtos, Keady-Made were of a dark brown color. The heart
Clotlung, IJanlware, Queen's Ware, MN Ware,' I„N.IB II WAI-A all
StoneWare, Drugs and Mediciaes, Oils, Paii»U, f1"
Dealers in Dry Goods, Groosrios, Ready-Made
Putty, Gluss, Varnish, &c,
Main street, Strawberry Point, lows.
They hurry on their homeward way,
And faster, faster, faster still
Their rattling hoops vacate the hill!
After Franklin made his great dis
covery of the identity of lightning and
electricity, by means of a kite Bent up
into the air during a thunder storm, ma
ny philosophers eagerly sought to repeat
the experiments. Among these, professor
Richman, of St. Petersburg, was the
most indefatigable and fearless. In pur
suing a series of experiments on itmus
phenc electricity, he erected what was
called a gnomon, which consisted prin-
above the roof of his house and an elec
trometer, consisting of a linen thread
with half a grain of lead tied to it. Of
course, whtU the gnomon was charged
with electricity, ttiid had communicated
tncity which had been accumulated. On
of the Country. wiiilsi at a of the Academy superioriiv of one continued and ab
heard ihe sounds oi distant
i oi bek'Ucos,
thunder and
pear interesting in the phenomenon,
'their arrival at Richman's house,
ie,1.evjJted .four .deoree8 fr0®
The discharge proved fatal he fell
back on a chest und expired in a moment.
Sokolow was stupified and benumbed by
a kind of vapor which had been genera
ted, and his clothes were covered with
burnt marks produced by the red hot frag*
ments of a metallic wire whidi had struck
his person. On recoverintfVJmself, he
rushed out of the house, ana miu|e known
the terrible disaster which had taAn place.
In the meanwhile, Madame Richman,
alarmed by the thunder-stroke, hastened
to the chamber, and found her lifeless
husband in the attitude of sitting upon
the chest, and leaning against the wall.
The medical part of the case is not with
out interest. Aid was of course instant
ly obtained a vein was opened, but no
blood flowed from it and, although ev
ery attempt was made to restore life by
violent friction and other means, all was
in vain. When the body was turned, a
small quantity of blood dropped from the
mouth, and from a red spot which mark
ed the forehead a few drops oozed out.
Several red and blue spots, not unlike
leather shrunk by burning, were discov
ered on different parts of the body. The
shoe of tho left foot was burst open, and
a blue mark appered on the foot beneath
the aperture. The stocking exhibited no
cipally of a Leyden jar, communicating been created, and will be upheld. No
with an iron rod, which rose some feet bayonets glitter around the ballot boxes,
that fluid to the thread ftnd the metal, suit, if a fair and honest expression of
the latter being easily moved, wouiJ be !0pjnj0n jm8 boon given, "a Union of hearts
repelled from the gn«.raon and its angu- !and
ial- descent ou the lace of a divided quad- equation of that influence. The North,
rant or index, indicatei the force of elec-
the pockets remained uninjured by the
electrical fluid. Immediately after tho
fatal explosion, the house was filled with
a sulphurous vapor. A clock was stop
ped in an adjoining room the ashes of
the hearth were strewed about the door
case of the room was rent asunder, and a
part of tho door itself was torn off. The
Leyden jar was shivered, and its metallic
filings were scattered about the ap&rt-
^th of August, 1763, the profess dissatisfied and querulous may prate of
ported Braiuliefi, V\uwi Cl0un« [Oof* (IICUIAF in othor words tlip i *L .« A
Main A ilith Streets |Uicuiar, in oiner woiu», uie ueciricity
the gnomon had accumulated to such ence is steadily working a change iti the
anexteut, that it repelled the lead to the minds of the people, which must result
distance mentioned. Whilst the philoso-: j„ revolutionizing tint whole continent,
^tlt^er!' 'u Boots pher was in the act of describing to his unless by real or apparent concessions
^imniinmn tha Han.rarmia nnnumiianiug U i V
the dangerous consequences
which might follow if the thread rose to
forty-five degrees, a tremendous crash of
thunder shook the imperial city. He
bent his head over the gnomon to observe
the indications of the electrometer, and in
this position, with his head a foot from
the iron rod, a globe of bluish white lire,
about the size of Mr. Sokolow's fist, shot
from the iron rod to the professor's head,
accompanied by a report as loud as that
of a pistol.
wore all
inflamed, but the entrails were of the nat
ltf ural appearance, Some silver in one of
From the Cedar Rapids DoiOcrst
It ia a matter of great surprise to all the
despotic governments of Europe, that in
the United States, the people can pass
through so exciting an occasion as that
attendant upon the Election of a Chief
Magistrate for a term of years, without
requiring the presence of armed forces
throughout the land, to prevent tumult,
riot, bloodshed—revolution. They can
not understand why, in a Republic, the
prejudices and passions of men, excited
by the desire and prospect of power, do
not, as in Monarchies and Despotisms,
tend to revolution. Their want of sym
pathy for Republican systems of govern
ment, together with the fact that their
freedom of thought and action is awed
by the power which governs them, pre
vent a full comprehension of the beauti
ful workings of our system, and the har
mony existing in all its parts. During
our political campaigns, there is perhaps
as much bitterness of feeling manifested
among the members of the various parties
striving for supremacy, as was ever ap
parent among those who have deluged
Europe with blood, on occasions less im
portant. But when the day of contest is
ended—the result having been attained
by the fearless expression of opinion
through the ballot box, the country again
settles into a state of quiet acquiescence,
and the hum of busy labor throughout
the Union tells that freemen abide the re
sult, and yield obedience to the constitu
ted authorities. A few of tho fanatical
continue to howl on, but their power is
broken, and their attempts to continue
agitation are either frowned down at once,
or treated with contempt by those through
hom the real powev of the governmmt
no authority of ruling power dare attempt
to awe a single vote into a support other
than that dictated alone by the preference
of the voter. Whatever foreign influence
may have attempted, in procuring the re-
the 9th of August, 1752, Richman ob- manfully a common foe to the country,
tamed from the end ot the rod electrical forgetting all past differences in the one
flushes, which could be heard at several great cause of protecting a Union of States,
feet distant and if any person touched existing under the most beneficent system
ho apparu us a smart shock was felt.
Union of hands" will resist the Gon­
SoUth, he East, and the West will
tand shoulder to shoulder, and fight
instituted by man. The
power governing a country, and of
previously having made evils which are likely to result from
tor making experi-
fl(.quent contests tor supremacy
piuess, intelligence and patriotism of a
the 'people, like our Republic and its freemen.
plummet of the electrometer was found I The force exerted by our progress is al-
perpen-1ready telling with powful effect upon all
perpen-! ready telling with powful effect upon all
governments ofturope, and the influ-
governments ofturope, and the influ-
from their rulers to the inhabitants, they
are cheated into the belief that they will
enjoy whatever privileges have placed the
people of our Republic so far ahead of the
rest of the world. Truly, ours is the
'land of the free." And whatever storms
from without may threa'en whatever of
combination there may be among the Des
potisms of the old world against Ameri
can Freedom, there will continue to burn
in the hearts of our patriots—who are the
people—the unflinching determination
that our land shall be "The Union—one
and inseparable—now and forever."
D*8TINV.—The greatest men that ever
lived have been believers in what is call
ed destiny, and all of us are, to a greater
or less extent, for all our actions influence
our future. But there is a special belief
in individual destiny which builds up
character. The first Napoleon believed
that he had a special call to rule Europe,
and reconstruct society. His nephew,
the present Emperor, always believed that
he would rule ranee, and that conviction
save a complexion to his whole course of
life. He shaped his conduct accordingly.
Csesar believed in his peculiar destiny, so
did Columbus, and no doubt, so did Shaks
peare, for ho often dwells with a solem
nity on the word providence. Milton
nursed the idea of his "Paradise Lost"
for thirty years before he wrote a line of
it and was not that a belief in destiny,
combined with rare patieuce and strong
hope But it is only the great who can
indulge in such dreams of fame and for
tune. Tho mighty multitude must toil
incessantly up the steep ascent, and not
pause to luxuriate over a grand and fasci
nating possibility.
young gentlemen who
are given to promen
ading with ladies, now wear a strip of
steel, stiched in the outer seam of their
pantaloons from tho kuee down. This
presents entirely the excoriation of the
skiu from the friction of the ladies* hoops.
Without such protection, a walk of a mile
or two, arm in arm, is sufficient to "estab
lisha raw" on the masculine "limb."
Origin of the Names of States.
Maine was so called as early as 1628,
from Maine, in France, of which Henri
etta Maria, Queen of England, was
at that time proprietor.
New Hampshire was the name given
to the territory conveyed by the Plymouth
Company to Captain John Mason, by
patent, Nov. 7th, 1829, with reference to
the patentee, who was Governor of Ports
mouth, in Hampshire, England.
Vermont was called by the inhabitants
in their Declaration of Independence,
Jan. 14th, 1777, from the French, verd
mont, the green Mountains.
Massachusetts was so called from Mas
sachusetts Bay, and that from the Massa
chusetts tribe of Indians in the neighbor
hood of Boston. The tribe is thought to
have derived its name from the Blue Hills
of Milton. "I had learn't," says Roger
Williams, "that the Massachusetts was
so called from the Blue Hills."
Rode Island was so called, in 1664, in
reference to the Island of Rhodes in the
Connecticut was so called from the
Indian name of its principal river. Con
necticut is a Mocheakanneew word, signi
fying long river.
New York was so called in 1664, in
reference to the Duke of York and Albany,
to whom this territory was granted by the
King of England.
New Jersey was so called in 1664, from
the Island of Jersey, on the coast of
France, the residence of the family of
Sir George Carteret, to whom the territory
was granted.
Pennsylvania was called in 1681,
after William Penn.
Delaware was so called in 1703, from
Delaware Bay, on which it lies, and which
received its name from Lord de la War,
who died in this bay.
Maryland was so called in honor of
Henrietta Maria, Queen of Charles I.,
in his patent to Lord Baltimore, June 30,
Virginia was so called in 1584, after
Elizabeth, the virgin of Queen of Eng
Carolina was so called by the French
in 1564, in honor of King Charles IX., of
Georgia was so called in 1732, in honor
of King George II.
Alabama was so called in 1814, from
its principal river.
Mississippi was so called in 1800, from
its western boundary. Mississippi is said
to denote the whole river i. e., the river
formed by the union of many.
Louisiana was so called in honor of
Louis XIV., of France.
Tennessee was so called in 1796, from
its principal river. The word Ten-asso
is said to signify a curved tpoon.
Kentucky was so called in 1792, from
its principal river.
Illinois was so callcd in 1809, from its
principal river. The word is said to sig
nify the river of men.
Indiana was so called in 1809, from the
American Indians.
Ohio was so called in 1802, from its
southern boundary.
Missouri was so called in 1821, from its
principal river.
Michigan was so called in 1805, from
the lake on its border.
Arkansas was so called in 1821, from
its principal river.
Florida was so called by Juan Ponce de
Leon in 1572, because it was discovered
on Easter Sunday in Spanish, Pascua
Columbia was so called in reference to
Wisconsin was so called from its prin
cipal river.
Iowa was so called from its principal
Oregon was so called from ita princi
pal river.
DEXR.—-The deer is the most acute
animal we possess, and adopts the most
sagacious plans for the preservation of its
life. When it lies, satisfied that the wind
will convey to it an intimation of the ap
proach of its pursuer, it gazes in another
direction. If there are any wild birds,
such as curlews or ravens, its vicinity,
it keeps its eye intently fixed on them,
convinced that they will give it a timely
alarm. It selects its cover with the great
est caution, and invariably chooses an em
inence from which it can have a view
around. It recognizes individuals, and
permits the shepherds to approach it.—
The stags at Tornapress will suffer the
boy to go within twenty yards of them,
but if I attempt to encroach upon them
they are off at once. A poor man who
carries peats in a creed on his back here,
may go "cheek for jowl" with them. I
put on his pannier, the other day, and at
tempted to advance, and immediately they
sprang away like an antelope.
An eminent deer-stalker told me the
other day of a plan one of his keepers
adopted to kill a very wary stag. This
animal had been known for years,and oc
cupied part of a plain from which it could
perceive the smallest object at thf dis
tance of a mile. The keeper cut a thick
bush, which he carried before him as he
crept, and commenced starting at ei^ht iu
the morning but so gradually did ho
move forward, that it was 5 P. M. before
he stood in triumph with his foot on the
breast of the antlered king. I never felt
so much for an inferior creature,' said the
I did for this deor. When
came up was panting life away, with
its large blue eyes firmly fixed on its
slayer. You would have thought, sir,
that it was aoousing itself of simplicity,
in having been so easily betrayed.—
verness Courier.
NEGROES.—A gentleman residing a few
miles out of town, recently carried home
a small electrical machine for making some
experiments. As soon as he got home,
the negroes, as usual flocked around him,
eager to see what master had got. There
was a boy among those darkies, that had
evinced a strong disposition to move things
when they wanted moving, or in other
words to pilfer occasionally.
'Naw Jack,' says his master, 'look
here this machine is to make people tell
the truth and if you have stolen any
thing, or lied to me, it will knock you
•Why, master,' says the boy, *1 never
lied or stole anything in my life.'
'Well, take hold of this and no sooner
had the lad received a slight shock, than
he fell on his knees and bawled out—
'Oh, master I did steal your cigars
and a little knife, and have lied ever so
many times please to forgive me.'
The same experiment was trisd with like
success on half a dozen juveniles. At
last an old negro who had been looking
on very attentively, stepped up, and
Master let dis nigger try. Dat ar
masheen is well enuff to scar de children
wid, but dis nigger knows better.'
The machine was fully charged, and
he received a stunning shock. He look
ed first at his hand, then at the machine,
and at last rolling his eyes, exclaimed:
'Master it aint best to know too much,
Dars many a soul gits to bo dammed by
knowing too much' an' it's my 'pinion
dat the debil made dat masheen just to
ketch yer soul some how, an' I recon you
had best jest (ake an' burn it up an' habit
don, wid.—Montgomery (Ala.) Advert*-
A DEAD FAILURE.—We were returning
from the great Boston and Fashion race on
Long Island, and as is generally the case
at such times, there was a queer crowd
on the train, and the conductor experien- 71' V'•
°ifzb,e 'r
tare. In the motley mass was a seedy
looking Dutchman, who took a seat just
in front of us, and we noticed as the col
lector of the tickets and 'rhino' approach
ed, he twisted about uneasily, and looked
particularly nervous. At length the
dreaded money-demander stood confront
ing him.
'Fare, sir,' said ho extending his palm.
'Didn't I pait you pefore answered
Hans, with a wretched effort to look sur
'No, you didn't paid me before,' sneer
ed the conductor 'Come fork over.'
'Veil, den, I 'spose I pays you agin,'
said the Dutchman 'I doesn't vant no
troubles apout it,' and he continued feel
ing in his pockets. After much fumbling
he pulled out a suspicious-looking Spanish
dollar, and handed it over.
'Look here, my fine fellow,' said the
coodactur, rubbing his thumb over Ihe i
coin, -tin won't do with me !-vou must
pass off your money on wmebody °R
Vot ist de matter queried the Dutch
man, as he took the coin back.
'The matter is,' said the conductor,
beginning to get impatient, 'that your
money is bad—and you must pay or get
out of the car.'
'Mein Got!' exclaimed Hans, 'ef dat is
a pad tollar, den te tam rascal on de track
sheat me—for I pet him a tollar, unt I
vinT Zt a« 7'. mighty God' and of this High Court,
inter de cars asl vosgxt Lift up your veil throw off all your mod
'Well,' said the conductor, -if you bet
a dollar with a man, and you won, and he ?01
paid you as you were getting into the cars, u° ^ries
you haven't bad a chance to spend anv
you baven bad a chance to spend any
money since, and so must have the dollar
that you bet with him—hand over?'
'O, yes,' and the Dutchman's jaw fell
'about a feet.'—'O, yas! I had a tollar
to bet mit him—but nun* «MM pmd one
Hans had to walk.
Gutenburg, Iowa, the other day, a Fre
mont man was electioneering a sturdy
Dutchman, and among other reasons, it
was urged that he should vote for Fre
mont, because Mrs. F. was a person of
rare personal beauty, while old Buck was
a bachelor, and Fillmore was a widower.
Germany looked rather reflective at this
remark. "Des you say tor/rau Fremont
ish a putirfool vomans, eh
"On, yes," was the reply, she is as
lovely as a Sylph, with a delicate organi
zation and a r—"
"Vot ter tuyfel does you sw«i py A
Sylph!—tell me dat firsht,"
The Fremont man was struck this time,
but after stammering a little, he said it
was a slim slender person.
"Oh yaw" said Germany, "Ich onder
sthants, a little vomans mit a vaisht pout
so tick as a stove pipe, but you dont come
dat same no how."
"Why what do you mean
"Vot does I mean Vy I means that
a hantsome vomans ish von mit a pig mid
dle unt a pack aa broad as a barrel, unt
vot can tnnk six mogs of JUwdf peer
midout chokin."
"But see here——'*
"Oh, no go vay mit your humpug I
does'nt vote for no man mit a frau like
dat. I goes for a vomans like a ped-tick,
mit a string tied round te middkr"
Somebody has said that "women,
now-a-days, forget in the astonishing am-
litudo of their dresses, that the gates of
are very narrow." Keep shady.
NO. 9.
1 $2,00 PER ANNUM.
Wanting a wide Mouth.
Vocalists, now-a-days, are obliged to
stretch their jaws almost to dislocation,
and they roar at you like lions. To se»
them sing, you would think they were di,
that class mentioned in sacred writ,
"open their mouths wide for the Iatt«f
rain." They seem to delight in gutturals
and grimace, flourishes and 'os.—
One of these men, whose vceal orifice ex
tended horizontally almost across his face,
applied not long ago to a waggish physi
cian in Philadelphia, to ask his advice aa
touching the probable success of an op
eration to which he desired to submit
"I have sung for several years in pub
lic," said the minstrel, "and I find that
the changes of fashion require longar
tones than I am able to utter, while mf
mouth retains its present dimensions. I
am obliged to whiffle out many of my
long ana large notes, as a grimalkin criea
in a quinsy, cracked and broken. I want
volume, and I have called to know whether
you can aid me in effecting an alteration
which will give my lips a fuller and freer
play, and my voice more freedom."
"Perhaps so," responded the phvsician
"but what do you require What do
you propose
"I wish, I say," roturnedthe singer,—
who, let it be remembered, had an enar
mous boucheoi his own,—-'Hhat my mouth
should be enlarged. It is too limited for
my purpose,"
"Oh, ho said the doctor, "I under
stand yon. Well we'll see what can be
He arose, and placing his hand on the
head of the patient, turned it to and fro,
like a barber's garcon, while an express
ion of solemn drollery struggled in his
"I can do so, sir," he continued, after
a short pause, "and easily but there is a
preliminary operation, which may distress
and perhaps disfigure you. It is a long
job, and you may not consent to it..'
"To anything, my dear doctor, that will
effect my object. Pray tell me what is
requisite to be done."
"Why, my friend, you wish your mouth
any farther, it will be necessary to rimovt
your ears, they being obstacles at each
corner 1"
It may be conjectured that the opera,
tion was declined, and that the vocalist
quitted his adviser in the sulks. Such
was the fact.
Never once did he do anything which had«
the slightest claim to be Temembered for
any intrinsic merit. The value of all his
words and actions consisted in their ab
As usual, then, with stronger heads
than his, every thing was connected by
his terror with republican horrors.
I heard him, in condemning a tailoi to
death for murdering a soldier by stabbing
him, aggravate the offence thus, "ana
men' hav'n£
K T'
or p.erce, or project.
the lethall weapon through the bellyband
of his regimen-tal breeches, which were
his majes-ty's!"
In the trial of Glengarry for murder
a duel, a lady of great beamy .wat called
as a witness. She came into Court veiled.
But before administering the oath, Esk
grove gave her this exposition of her du
ty "Young woman! you will now con
sider yourself as in the presence of Al-
and look
1-11 .. A verv common arrangement of his
was this—'.And so gentle
shown you that the pannell's
k the face
argument is utterly impossible, I shall
now proceed to show you that it is ex
tremely improbable."
He rarely failed to signalize himself in
pronouncing sentences of death. It was
almost a matter of style with him to con
sole the prisoner by assuring him that
"whatever your religi-ous persua-slion
may be, or even if, as I suppose, you bo
of no persua-shon at all, there are plenty
of rev-er-end gentlemen who will be most
happy for to snow you the way to eternal
He had to condcmn two or three per
sons to die who had broken into a house
at Luss, and assaulted Sir James Colqu
houn and others, and robbed them of a
large sum of money. He first, as was
his almost constant practice, explained
the nature of the various crimes, assault,
robberry, and hame-sucjten—of which
last he gave them tho etymology and he
then reminded them that they attacked
the house and the persons within it, and
robbed them, and then came this climax.
"All this you did and God preserve us!
joostwhen they were sitten doon to their
denser— [Lord Cockburn's Memorials
of his Time.
meeting of the clergy and laymen at the Bi
ble house, New York, recently, one por
tion wished a day of fast and prayer to be
appointed, in view of the present aspect
of public affairs.
Another portion thought it ought to be &
day of thanksgiving. Between the de
sponding and excessively hopeful view of
affairs, nothing at all was done and the
country was left to save itself by its own
energy, without the benefit of tho clergy.
The editor of the New York Dutchman
Epeaking of a drink he once had occasion
to idu'.ge in, said he couldn't tell wheth
er it was brandy or a torch-light process
ion going dowq his throat,

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