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McQRSaOR, OLAYTOH COUNTY, IOWA. «. P. mCHIWDSOH JOHN H. MDAIC*. On* Copy, for one year, $2.00 ln A E S O A V E I S I N Space. lv 2« 4w 3m ly'r. !fiiuar7"| $1 50 12 50 W 50 $5 50 I fH60|12 00 2 iquaree 2 50 |_3 50 |_4fi0 760 10 W I 15 HO *3 iquaree I 3 00"| 4 00 6 00 I 10 00 15 00 20 00 e u i I 4 0 0 5 0 0 I 0 0 I 1 5 0 0 I 2 0 0 3 5 0 0 col. I-T50|T000|1500| 25 00 40 00 J0_00 oolumn 14 00 l8 00 25 66"| 40 00 70 00 12ft 00 9 llneeof KTonpreil make a'aqiiare. Bii«in«ii»earde mt lines 18 per annum each additions!line50 ets. IAMBS DAVIS, Sheriff of Clayton County. Office with T. Updegraff, tWo doors below the Bank, McGregor, Iowa. i7» MeCtHBOOR HOUSB, feroeiue A Hellherg, Props. McOregor, Iowa. B. HOLLINOSWORTH, rBYBZOZAIV and IV&OIOV, ATIONAL, IOWA. All Mils promptly attended to. B. O. AMBLBB, Attorney at Law, Calmar, Iowa. Will practice in the Oonrts of the State. 641 "OUR HOUSB," JFurnished, Late Mason House,) Monona, Iowa. Refitted and flood Livery. 648 WILLIAMS A WISE, Proprietors. H. BRUNNBB M. D. Oflca Bank Corner, Smith'* Block, up stairs. 64S MoOREQOR, IOWA. A. f. JORDAM '"•AttorMy at L«1r,(aace in Bank BJurtJ «3« McUREQOR, IOWA. R.Noble. L.O. Hatch. Q. Uenry Frese. XfOBLB. BATCH &. FRESE, Attorneys at Law, MeO EUOR, IOWA. 6S9 O. B. BERRY, Attorney at Law, Cresco, lows. 636 DR. ANDROSj CltJflMlBand Sirgtmn. Resilience over Petersen A Larson's Store. Olllce No. 3 Masonic Block. 678-99 CITY HOTEL, (Late Allen House,) flfeftRBaOR, IOWA. T. ATWOOD, Proprietor. This house will be kept as a first class house In ev Srj respect. Farmers are particularly invited to stall. Charges as reasonable as any other house, flood Stabling and good care. Hoarding by the day week. 641 D^ION HOUSB, MAIN STREET, McOKKG0R,I0WA. Bex. li. Kaisi, Proprietor. WINNESHBXK BOUSB. Pscorstl, Iowa. Qeuaral Stage Office JOHN SHAW, Proprietor. 666 JOBS T. CLARE. CHARUT ALLBR. 0. J. Attorneyaaad Ouunsellors at Law and KealEstate Ajgents, 1st door east of Wiunegheik llouse,Decorah, Kewa. Will practice in thsseveralcourtsof the State also attend to collections,and thepaymentof ttiwin Winnesheik county. 666 OKURDOCK & STONEMAN, SAMOSL MURDOCE. #TO!»*WAB. Attorneys and Counsellors at Law, will practice in the Supreme and District Courts of this State. Office opposite 1st National Bank, MCGREGOR. THOMAS UPDEGRAFF, Attorney at Law, (*424) McGREOOK, IOWA. ELIJAH ODELL, Attorney and Counsellor at Law, McGRKGOR,IOWA. JTC BOXSXE, Justice ef the Peace. Offlcu with T. Upfograff. DOUGLAS LEFFINQWELL, Attorney at Law, McGregor, Io*a. Office over Peter* •on A Larsuu's Store Sll LOUIS US. ANDRICB. Attorney at Law, Reynold's Block Kntran^e t.etWMU »l«and 148 Dearborn Str«et,aUo on Mitdison Street Custom House (I'. O.) Place, ChiCSfO. it TOWARD CO., JJewelen mi 4ealera in Mu»ical lnetroments^Maln Areet, 4M McGREGOR. IOWA. I 1 7 NATIONAL HOTBL, #setTfl1e, Iowa. General Stage Office. C. VanHooser, Proprietor. 603 •BO. L. BASS, COMMISSION, STORAGE 1 FORWARDING BUSINESS, fulbc Square, McGKKGOR, IOWA. MAT. McElNNIE, Wholesale and Retail dealer In Store*, and Mannfac tnrer of Tin, Copper and Sheet IronWare, MainStreet McGREGOR, IOWA. MURRAY HOUSE, Main Street,McGr«gor, I»wa. A deeirablo homefor 2* traveling public, with Rood barns and Shedsat teched for the safe protection of horses and wagons. 44J5 M. MURRAY, Proprietor. J. McHOSE & CO., STORAGE. FORWARDING AND COMMISSION. Warehouse No. 1, on the Levee, McGREGOR. CoualKBtMBti •olfcritoi. JOS. M'BOSB. *•u aK,a0E- MeGRBaOR PANNING MILL. B1CKEY A WELLIVER, Vanafactarsrs of the McGregor FannlrgMlllandflrelli Separator, on West Market Square, cernor Main and Ann Streets, 415y McGREGOR, IOWA. DVANS HOUSB. [LATE AMERICA*,J Landing, McGregor. Re-ftirahhei and S^Kdltylefor gnesuT Patronage re.pect •JJll, solicited/ O. II. FLANDERS, Proprietor. 474 BEZER LODGE No. 135. Ilelds its Regular Communications on Monday evening preceding the full moon ineach month. __ #. H. Merrill, Prest. Win. Larraboe, Vies Prest. O. Hulverson Cashier. u R. nUBBARD,W.M GEO. B. McCARTY, Sec'y. *48 RATHBUN & GILL, DENTISTS, McGregor. Iowa, feS* Offleeon Blain gt., over Peat Office. Nitrous Oiids administered as a speciality. WEST UNION HOUSE, ^fypartiiiB unil Klui Sts., WK8T UNION, IOWA H. J. INGERSOLL, PROPRIETOR. Goodstabling aud charges moderate. Stages going .west.uoi'tkand south, call and leave withpas 0«ugers, morning and evening. y633 BOARDMAN HOUSB, (LAI* W ASUIMGIOM) ULSABER, IOWA. LaFaysttc Bigblow, Proprietor. Repo.vatediuside aud eut. Not excelled by any Cotel in the West. Good Stabling. 670 THOMAS ARNOLD, SEAL ESTATE BROKER AND GENERAL AGENT, CON VEVANCER, NOTARY PUBLIC, J^id J^mmissionerol Deeds, &c., for theSorthwess Snl'itua.Auction Willattsnd to the uurcliaseandsaleot rm L*n4s,Clty Property,Stocks,Ac.,Ao. 'Gilee iu Store, Main Street. McGregor J*wa. '660 LICENSED AUCTIONEER. r&ANI 8B.OXHXBK, OJ HOT OUNS.Rillus, Revolvers, IO l'i«toU.(iuiue Usks, k'iasks. Cartridge*, Powder, Shot, Lead, Caps,Guu-wailH, Cutlery, Ac., Ac, near National liauk. McGroyor, Iowa. Repairing of all kinds belonging to the gun and •Uek smith linn itoiie proinptljr. Gbargesu«4acatoiiud nil w» rk warraa|*4. A CARD. Dr.l. HUNT late of Syracuse, New York, rs ».:tfnlly uif.irius tint ieiple of Mi'Gro^ir »ul viciu- lliAt lin li is i.!ii- .in l)(H i» in litin.ii A Uil well's isk, where hi* sons have their Dentistry KatablUh igjiit. tr. II(JN in ai oi pr ictitiouer. Ilecanbe f» i 11 day ui'l nilit :it liin oin -e except when profes .ill* ali«(int. All who wmli to lie treated miB. Chamber, Parlor and Kitchen U N I U E ALSO, COFFINS 1 Speceial attention paid to FRAMING PICTURES. A Large Stock of the beet Vastiioualle Moulding always on hand. CALL AND BE CONVINCED! Two Boors Bast of Voveri* wm W. R. Kinnaird, JUtt-CalMer' FIRST NATIONAL BASK or Mcoueo&. Capital 8100.000. •RX OHA3XTOB At current rates for sale on all the Pi incipal Cities of England, 0ermanyf France, Ireland, Sweden, And Other Parts of Europe. JK.XJSO Fasserigeff Tickets FOR SALE Vtitlfrom all the Large Cities In EUROPE, by Steamer and Fast Sailing Vmneli. All kinds or GOVERNMENT SECURITIES benght and sold. 045tf HXBBXHff dL CO., TEAS, TOBACCOS AND CIGARS, 236 Randolph Street, Oeo. ntbfcen,Chicago. N. Herron, Lewix Maddux, New York. W. n. Maddux,Cincinnati. 610y CLASK. JOHN T. CLARK & CO., CHICAGO. K. SEXTON & SON, Wholesale Dealers In IRON. STEEL, NAILS, FOREIGN AND AMERICAN CUTLERY. Builders' & Carpenters' Hardware & Tools, Tinners7 Stock, Agricultural iHipU nii ntH and Ii!n ksmiths' Tools 338 Bast Water Street* MILWAUKEE, WISCONSIN. DURAND BROS, i POWERS, Wholesale Crocers, 131 South Water street, CHICAGO, ILL. "WH-A.T IS IT 1 FRANK EERZMAN OPPOSITE PEARSAIX CHURCH'S LIVERY Stable, Main Street, SKcOregor* Ik rinily to furnish ALL KINDS OF TINWARE FOR HOUSEHOLD USE, Save Troughs, Tin Vipes* Audinfart KVKKYTIIING in hislinoof burinesswitl be well made anil promptly put up. STOVES STOVE PIPES furnished and set npto order. MEAT MARKET! CAWELTI & BERGMAN, CAWELTI'S BLOCS. FULLYiettled in our New aud lloauty ef a Market with Ice room, and everything which conveni enctand neatness could suggest, aud Jetetermined al wayeto So euro the Very Finest Animals for the use of onr Patrons, we feeUssnredtliat weare oftVriuK thepeoplrofthls city greater! nducements than ever before to patron ize theQneen of Markets. Fat Cattle bought atthe highest price. 664 German Lumber Yard. 11 Stauei & Daubenberger, Dealers in Lumbert Timber* Lath, Shingles* Doors* Sash and Blinds. WE SUPPLY CITY AND COUNTRY TRADE ON THE MOST REASONABLE TERMS HAVE unquestioniilily the largest storlsof ?aeli Doornand Blind* ever kept in thewest—everj atyle and form tosuit any building that can lieeroct ad. ttH-Our-lHtheOMLY LUMBER YARD. out honor tli tide of EalnStreet.McGREGOR IOWA 484 W. H. BLAOZHSR, Millwright & Draughtsman. Plant,Speeiflcations and Estimate* madeonshort notice. Steam and Water Mills built on eoutract or other wise to suit. vnilfurnish from the best Manulketnrorsalfclasses of Mill Machinery—Kill Stones* Spindleo, Cnrbs. Hoppers, Stands. Skeee.Damsels Ac. dmutandBran cl»a*ers,8sparators^ilUPesk«, Cupn and Boiling. Dufour A Co.'sOld Dutch Anchor Bolting Clothe, Extra und Extra Heavy and Double Extra Heavy. Patentee nf the North Western TurWu-. also agent far the LEFPKL W1IRKL. Al"ettersaddresec'to McGregororLansinp Iowa. #H IN IIJIOII fUKtt II rujpitliii priu'ipl'Mi will pleaiie call on liini. All Paintleor Ohrouic disease*treated»unoe«nfully. McGregor, Iowa, lund 2'2d, 1869. flftitf Furniture! SOHOIiER 10 STILL ON HAND, OKKKRING A RIOQKR SUP PLY TUAN EVER, IN THE LINE OF HUNT B.BSXBBZTT SSNTZITS Office on Main Streot, McGREGOR, IOWA. (•ST PEOPLE'S IMRKET.MBS 23a II" It WILLIAMS & BRO., WILLIAMS'NEW BRICK BLOCK MAIN ST., McGregor, Iowa, believe i fair deal ing,and will always be found on hand ready'todeal out tbechoiceet eulsof all kiudsof Meat that the country affords. Highest market'price paid for all kinds of Stock. 4 O O I sioomiBi, CBOCKERT, BOOTS AND SHOES. AWD uauoma, Of every kind aeoded by the citisans ofaltv or soun- try FOK SHE «T THE LOWEST UTES IT F&BD BBNOKB'S Snccessorto Re nek e A Bandow. Sontheasteorner of Public Square and one door South of Bass' Warehoure.McGaecor. Qoq.L. Iowa. g9»Passeagor Agentfor the Hamburg American facket Company Also Agent for the CelebratedPetent Beer faucet I looked over the roll of the Senate, and checked off twelve that might be ap proached. I calculated that out of the twelve we could certainly find four that would stick. We secured the four that we wanted, but I did not handle the money. I generally knew where it was to be had. The Senators received between $150,000 and $1200,000. I can't say exactly. The money was not paid to the Senators di rectly, but to the third parties who were supposed to control the votes of individ ual Senators. In one case $30,000 was paid to a certain man. lie returned a few days after and said that his Senator wan too strongly committed for impeachment, sul did not see how he could explain his T0t if he should suddenly vote for ac quittal. We argued tlie case with hira told him that Trumbull, Grimes and Fes senden would vote for acquittal from con' gjientious convictions, and that his Sena tor had only to say that abler ininds than his were convinced of the justice of ac quittal under the evidence adduced, und that after mature deliberation and care ful examination of the testimony he felt that regard for his oath would not permit him to vots for conviction. He insisted that it would kill him politically in his own State to vote far acquittal, and he wouldn't do it. We had no trouble in getting what votes we wanted. Mr. Pern eroy offered himselfe to us in a long let ter long before, and we knew we could hold him if we wanted him, and when we found how cheap he was we let him go ns not worth trying to get. The President knew nothing about it. His friends were frightened to death when they saw how the case was going, and were anxious to do something to avert the threatened con viction. Mr. McCulloch was at first op posed to using money, but he gave in when he saw the dat:ger of losing VOLUME XIY-No, 13. McGREGOR, IOWA, WEDNESDAY, JAN. 5, 1870. Bpeelal Despatch to the Chicago Tribune. New YORK, Dec. 24. FACTS RELATIVE TO THE JOHNSON IMPEACH' VENT TRIAL. The Sun reporters have interviewed Cornelius Wendell at Washington yester* day, and General Butler at the Astor House to-day, in reference to the use of money in the impeachment trial. Wen. dell says he disbursed no money for John* son to secure his acquittal. He was ab« sent from the city during the greater part of the trial, down in New England and out in the West, lie says "I was summoned back by the friends of the President to secure his acquittal. It seemed a foregone osnclusion that he should be convicted, aad 1 had given it up as sure, and I thought it would bs better for our party if they would convict him, therefore, I had stayed sway and let events take their course. I still believe that if they had convicted and remeved Johnson we would have elected our Pee«i dent last year. Johnson's friends thought I could manage certain Senators who were committed for impeachment, and sent for me accordingly. I don't remember who I first saw, but had converaations with Mc Culloch, Randall, Seward and others. They seemed to think the matter could be got over easily. I told them it WHS des perate. They wanted to know how much it wou!d cost to secure an acquittal. I told them it would cost a good deal of money couldn't say exactly, but proba ably $150,000. I distinctly said I would have nothing whatever to do with the money, nor did I have. I told them that there would be an investigation if John son was acquitted and that it would not do for me to handle the money. I don't know who received the money. I under stand Randall raised s iiue and MnCulloch some. A good deal was raised by out siders. Ilenry B. Smythe raised quite a sum. A good deal that was raised never was used for the purpose for whieh it was given. People raised money, and report ed that it had been expended by the coun sel, but I doubt if the counsel were ever paid a pet»ny directly. The money went into the pockets of those who rained it. I told them it would cost $150,000. We knew that there were three Republican Senators who would vote for acquittal from conscicntious motives. With these we wanted four more to secure acquittal. Yalkenburg withdraw and count the mon ey from Shelly's hands. There was $17, 100 of it, but where it came from I never knew, nor what it was for. General Bwt ler never reported the testimony he took on investigation, and therefore I don't know positively what facts were brought out. The investigation was abeut as square as anything of the kind usually is. Butler knew how matters stood. He didn't care a pin for the acquittal or for what Johnson's friends had done. Grimes and Fessenden voted from conscientious motives. I don't believe the President had any conferences with Senators about voting, and it would have been contrary to his nature to have done so. The Presi dent always felt conscientious about hie integrity, and was willing to submit his record to the test of a trial. He never apprehended the danger he was in, and if he had, he would have done nothing to avert it. Gen. Butler, in the course of his inter view with the Sun reporter, said that the story recently published about hie con nection with the impeachment matter is a tissue of falsehoods. He says I was fully aware of the pledges which Johnson gave to Fessenden, Grimes and Trumbull as to his good behaviour on his acquittal, and thnt on these conditions he agreed to vote against the impeachment articles but I did not know that they had advised the use of money to bring about an actual. I felt satisfied that Headerson had received money for his vote, but had not proof sufficient to bring it home to him. If done at all, the thing must, of course, have taken place as secretly as possible. There is no truth in the story that I had interviews with Wendell about this business, and I never offered him money. I know nothing about the bet of fifty thousand dollars, though I heard of it, and believed it was a mere rumor. Tea is cultivated in East Tennessee. Link boys—the Siamese twins.—Fun. The tunnel under Broadway is ten feet in diameter. Georgia has just sent one hundred Mor mon converts to Utah. Snow shoes take the plaee of skates in Northern California. A second crop of grapes Is ripening in Oregon. New London has the best jail is Mis souri, and is well patronized. Paducah is said to be a corruption of Pat Doo^an, the name of its first settler. California laborers have mostly aban doned the eight-hoar system. A spending ratlfec that a saving clause —Santa Claus. Greeley is about to build a new office, but hesitates at a new overcoat. When is a blow from a lady favorable? When she strikes you agreeably. A celebi^ed horse has just died Ohio at the age of 51. The war estimates for the text fiscal year will amount to over $40,000,000. The Hudson Bay Company report buff alo robes scarce and high this year. New York police justices get $10,000 a year. Fisk, Sr., settles disputed points with a rubber at old sledge. George Wilkes says. Harvard cheated. Miss Anthony sits up with the corpse of the Woman's Suffrage Association. The students of the Iowa Agricultural College earn half their board. Congress is asked to erect a monument to General Scott. Two and one-half inches is the oztreme height of ladies' boot heels. Wm. II. Seward will visit Central America before returning home. It is not what we make, but what we save that makes us rich. "How came you to have a wooden leg?' 4(Why, hiB of fice. Mr. Randall was ready, from the first, for whatever was necessary. Mr. Seward also looked at matters in a busi nesslike way. I guess the rest of the ad ministration were kept in the dark. I know th« President, and am satisfied he would not have allowed any money to be used if he had known it. I knew of the proposition to acquit Mr. Johnson, which came in the form of a wager, and our folks were fools not to take the bet. 1 tried to urge them to raise the money ($50,000), accept the bet, which I fully understood to be a direct proposition to acquit the President for that amount, but McCulloch and Seward were afraid there was some catch in it. No money was raised to accept that wager that I know of. There was money raised all over the coun try ostensibly to secure Mr. Johnson's ac quittal, but only a very small portion of it wu* ever used for the purposes for wliiuh it was given. That raised by Hen ry B. Smythe, in New York, never reach eJ Washington. Webster, the Baltimore Collector, raised a lot which he swore was paid to counsel. I would like to know what counsel. None of those employed in the ca66 ever received it. Webster, of New York, had nothing to do with it, and I don't think Wooley had any connection with it. I think that the money that *Wooley bad was the pool which he held 'With Speed, Hook and others, to influence •whiskey legislation. That money was taken by Van Yalkenburg from Wooley when they were all on a big spree togeth* er, up at Willard's. They deposited it with Shelley, at the Metropolitan, and it was lying there when the vote was ta ken. It could not have been intended for use in securing acquittal, and certainly was never so used. 1 afterwards saw Van WE MARCH WITH THE FLAG AND KEEP STEP TO THE MUSIC OP TNE UNION. my father had one, and so had my grandfather. It runs in the family." Kingsford, the great starch maker is dead. His best hold was corn starch, and he was dear to every American shirt bosoui. A Nashville serenading party went ten miles to serenade two voung ladies When they had fiddled three hours they discovered that the house was empty. The man who tried to sweeten his tea with one of his wife's smiles has "tallen back" on sugar. Nothing like first prin ciples, after all. A Corning female, of youthful years and gushing nature, put on masculine gear and followed her lover to find out what company he kept when absent from her. The police spoiled her masquerading. "Johnny," said a mother to her son, nine years old, "go and wash your face. I am ashamed to see you come to dinner with so dirtv a mouth." "I did wash it, mama," and feeling his upper lip, he ad ded gravely, "I think it must be a mus tache coming." "The fact la," said an orderly wife, "a man does not like to struighten up things. He does not know where to com mence "I don't wonder," she remarked in conclusion, "that when God made Adam he went right to work and made a woman to tell him what to do." A committee appointed to inveetigate an alleged charge of undue punishment inflicted by a school teacher, reported "that the punisnment was not actuated by malice, but was oecasioned by an undue appreciatiou of the thickness of the boy'r pantaloons." "Molly," said Joe Kelly's ghost to his wife, "I'm in purgatory at this present moment." "And what sort of place is it?" says she. "Faix," says he, "'tis a sort of a half-way house between you and heaven, and I stand it mighty aisj after lavin^ou.'' iH A Traveler's Story. "Is this seat engaged, sir?" I glanced up from the paper I was read ing and met the smiling regard of a gen ial looking gentleman apparently in the prime of life. "It is not, sir." "With your permission, then,"—stid he seated himself beside me. The train had already started snd pres ently the conductor made his appearance, collecting the tickets. Reaohing as he detached the appropriate coupons from our tickets, handing back the remainder with the usual "checks." "Pardon me," said my companion "but I preeeive that you place your ticket in your wallet." "Yes." "It is unwise, unsafe 1" "Why do you consider it soT' I in qiured, with some curiosity, returuing the wallet to my pocket. "Suppose throagh carelessness, or we will aay accident, your wallet is lost. Yoar pocket may be picked, for instance?" "Well?" "Your money and ticket are both gone. Probably you do not appreciate the man ifold beauties of such a position I do not think it possible except by experi ence." "It would certainly b# Sft Undesirable situation, I can see that clearly enough. Pardon the question naturally suggested —were you ever so placed?" "Once only once." "How was that "You wish to profit by my experience Well, I don't know that I mind telling you the story. It may seme you, if nothing more." to amuse It occurred quite a number of years ago, and over what road I was travelling at the time is of little consequence. I had taken the early morning express train, aud being somewhat tired and altogether sleepy, had stretched myself upon the seat for as comfortable a nap as circum stances would admit. I sleptsoundly, for I could, in those days, sleep well almost anywhere, and did not awaken until the conductor came for my ticket. The es sential bit of pasteboard could not be found. I was positive that I had pur chased a ticket indeed, I remember dis tinctly having shown it to the baggage clerk at the time of checking my trunk. The conductor grew impatient, passed on to the end oi the car and returned to me. I had not found the ticket, but had made the discovery that my pocket-book also was gope. I explained to the conductor that my pocket bad been picked, and in proof of my story showed him my bag gage check. It was no use. If you have traveled much, you are aware that a vir tuous conductor takes no man's word in fact, all men have designs upon the oom pany's dividends except himself. It was perfectly natural, therefore, that the faith ful steward in the questein should say "The eheck is all right but how do I know that it belongs to you I will take the money for your fare or stop the train and put you off, just as you choose." What could I do? Protestations amounted to nothing, and my fellow pas sengers, with the usual tendency of hu manity to trample upon a fallen man, showed clearly by their looks and expres sions, that they thought me a sneaking rogue, who would steal a passage if I could. They had paid their money, why should n«t I pay mine? Few men would ever sea heaven if judgment was rendered by jury—except themselves. My search for the lost -ticket had brought to light about a dollar and eighty cents. This I toid the conductor was ev ery cent I had about me. He said that it was fifty cents short of the usual fare to Lauderdale Ci.y, but that he would pass me through for it rather than stop the train. I gave it to him. From Lauder dale, a city of much importance, I could write to my purtner for money. It would certainly le as well as to tramp ten or a dozen miles back to the city 1 had left, and where I should be no better off, being equally a stranger there. In due time I found myself at Lauder dale went to the best hotel telegraphed for money, and wrote an explanatory let ter to my partner. This business attend ed to, I sallied out to see what sort ot' place Lauderdale City might be. There was nothing for me to do but amuse my self as best I could until the money should come, and I determined to make the most of my involuntary holiday. As I strolled leisurely up the main street a newsboy darted out of a paper office, crying "Daily Banner extra edition all about the murder great accident on the E road etc., etc. "Have an extra?" I took the sheet and thrust my hand in my pocket for the money, without a mo ment's thought. You may imagine my feelings when compelled to return that two penny bit of paper to the boy, with the muttered excuse that I "had no change," and the utterly contemptuous expression of the boy's face as he re ceived it I I immediately stepped into the office of the Daily Banner" and wrote a paragraph descriptive of my recent mis hap, taking care to make it as amusing as possible. When completed I handed it to the clerk. He read it, laughed, and took it into his private Oi&ce. Coming back a few minutes luter, he told the bookkeeper to give me fifty cents. It was not much, but more than I had expected. Well, I continued my walk until I finally reached the end of tho street, which terminates at the 3 river, here spanned by a long covered bridge and was surprised to see, upon reaching the opposite side, that 1 would be required to puy toll. A young girl came to the door of the little toll office as I stepped up to it and I inquired how much I should pay, drawing forth my solitary shinplaster. "0," she said ivith a smile and a slight TIMES" blush, "we do not cltarge ministers any thing." It was not a bad joke, but I suppressed the laugh that rose to my lips, and thank ing her for the consideration shown to the clergy, I turned about and retraced my steps to the hotel, not without some slight twinges of conscience for allowing the mistake to pass, and taking advantage of it. The remainder of the day was spent of the apartment, very quietly, as was also the evening which followed. My first duty of the nest morning was to seek some knight of the raxor. I had noticed a pleasant little shop at no great distance from the hotel, in my walk the previous day, and thinking that I should do no better by looking further, I repair ed to that. There was in attendance only a boy of about twelve years old, who sta ted that his father, the proprietor of the shop, had gone to a neighboring city and would not return before noon. Without any hesitation I requested the loan of a rasor, and proceeded to operate upon my self. While thus occupied, the customers began to present themselves, expressing great dissatisfaction upon learning how matters stood. Now, although I am a proud man, I am not, thank God, curscd with that species of vanity which prevents a man from doing certain kinds of honest labor simply because they are "not gen teel." Here was an opportunity offered for me to, at least, earn the price of my breakfast. I took advantage of it. Told the first man who entered after I had completed shaving myself that I would shave him. I did so. Others coming in, I shaved them also. In fact, I did quite a brisk business for a couple of hours and if the unfortunate individuals who came under my hand had no doubts about my fitness for the business, they certainly ex pressed none. At the expiration of this time, I began to think that I had done sufficient, and feeling rather hungry, hav ing had no breakfast, I divided the pro ceeds with the boy, and prepared to re turn to my hotel. But I was not done yet. As I was brushing my hat, a young dandified specimen of humanity came in, and resolving that he should be the last, I went to work upon him. Wh«n he came to pay me, I was, to say the least, some* what surprised to see him deliberately produce my own pocket'book—the one I had lost! Standing upon no ceremony, I snatched it from his hands, and demanded, in no gentle tones, how it came in his possession? Without stopping to reply other than by a volley of imprecations as he reached the door, he tumbled rather than rata down the stairs into the street. Waiting ror neither hat nor coat, I follow ed the pocket-book in ray hand. We measured off considerable ground in a short space of time. On, on. It was an exciting chase. Men, boys, and dogs, joined in the pcrsuit the cries of "stop thief," and the like, growing loud and in creasing. What an uproar there was! Suddenly there came a flash of light, sharp and vivid for an instant, then utter darkness. A policeman, mistaking me for the thief, had gently tapped me upon the head, as their custom is, and with the usual result the thief escaped, and I, the victim, was apprehended. My appear ance told heavily against me but my story being fully corroborated by the boy at the barber-shop, I was released. Upon examining the wallet, I found my own money intact, and about a hundred and thirty dollars beside. This is all of the story. "Not a bad speculation, after sll!" said I, as he concluded "Well, perhaps not. No, it was not but still, my advice holds good. Never place a railway ticket in your wallet." I could not but acknowledge the wig dom of the caution, and resolved to profit by it. Animals without Brains. M. Yoit is demonstrating—by some ex* periraent—that a warm blooded animal, a bird at least may live after its brain has been removed. He skillfully removes, with hook and scalpel,the cerebrial hemis pheres from the skull of a pigeon. When the operation is concluded, the poor bird hides its head under its wing, and remains motionless, with closed eyes, in this atti tude, which it resumes whenever it is disturbed, in order to receive nourishment and seems to be overcome with profound s'umber. This condition lasts a few weeks, after which the victim of tho singular mutilation leaves its somnolent condition, opens its eyes, and even attempts to il It avoids obstacles, shuns the band that would seize it, and appears to enjoy in full force the faculties of hearing and seeing. Thenceforth the pigeons without brains cannot be distinguished from those with brains, except by their entire forgetful ness of the means of securing nourish ment. They would dio of hunger in a heap of grain it is necessary to intro duce food into their beak and stomach by the aid of a small rod. come and go, and seem thereafter to be strangers to every sentiment of fear.— When once they commence walking, they continue the impetus following the same path arouud the same table, and continu ally taking refuge in the same corner. "Gentlemen of the jury," said a West* ern lawyer. "I don't mean to insinuate that this man is a covetous person, but 1 will b"t you five to one that if you bait a steel trap with a new three cent piece, and place it within six inches of his mouth, you would catch his soul. I wouldn't for a moment insinuate that he would steal, but, may it please the court and gentlemen of the jury, I wouldn't trust him in a room with red-hot millstones^ and tho angel Gabriel to watch 'em." Why do young ladies whiten their fitcea Because they think the powder will make them go off, WHOLE No. 690. Tho Lawyers and the Cats. Two Arkansas lawyers were domesti cated in the rude hotel of a country town. The hotel was crowded, and the room al lotted to our two heroes was also occupied by six or eight others. Shakedown beds, enough to accommodate the guests, were disposed about ths room, against the four walls, leaving an open space in the centre Judge Clark lay with his hend to the north on one side, and Judge Thomas lay with his head to the south, on the other side of the room. So far as that room was concerned, it might be said that their heads represented ths north and south poles, respectively. All the other beds in the room were occupied. The central part of the room was deemed neutral ground, in which the occupants of the different beds had equal rights. Here in picturesque confusion, lay the boots, hats, coats and breeches of the sleepers. There were no windows, and though the door was open, there being no moon, the night was very dark in that room. The wily lawyers, who had been oppos ing counsel in a case tried in the town court that day, and had opposed each oth er with the contumucity of wild pig9,were the very incarnation of meekness, for when the hungry swarm of mosquitoes settled down and bit them on the one cheek they slowly turned the other to be bitten also. But hush hark A deep sound strikee Uieearltfoa ris ing knell! "Me-ow-ow!" Judge Clark and Thomas were wide» awake, and sitting bolt upright in an instant. Again the startling cry I "Ye-ow, ye-ow!" "That's a d—d cat!" whimpered Clark. "Scat you I" hissed Thomas. Cat paid no attention to those demon strations, but gave vent to another yowl. "Oh Lord 1" cried Clark, "I can't stand this! Where is she, Thomas." "No, she's on your side," said Clark. "Ye*ow-ow-owl 1" "There, I told you she was on your side," they both exclaimed in a breath. And still the "yowl*' went on. The idea now entered the heads of both the lawyers, that by the exercise of certain strategv they might be enabled to execute a flank movement on the cat. and totally demoralize him. Praedcilly each deter mined to file "a motion to quash" the cat's attachment for that room. Each kept his plan to himself, and, in dark, unable to see each other, prepared for notion. Strange as it may appear, it is neverthe less true, that the same plan suggested itself to both. In words, the plan would be about as follows: The yowler is evidently looking and calling for another cat, withjwhom he has made an appointment. I will imitate a cat, and this cat will think t'other cat's around. This cat will come toward me, and when he shall have arrived within rcach, I'll blaze away with anything I can get hold of, and knock the mu-sic out of him. So each of the portly Judges, noiselessly as cream comes to the surface of milk, hoisted himself upon his hands and knees, and, hippopotamus fashion, advanced to the neutral ground occupying the central portion of the room. Arriving there, Clark selected a boot jack, and Judge Thomas a heavy cowhide boot from the heap, and settled themselves down to the work. Clark tightened his grip on the bootjack, and throwing up his head, gave vent to a prolonged and unearthly "Ye-ow ow that would reflect^ credit upon the largest kind of cats. "Aho," thought Thomas, who was not six feet away, "he's immediately close around. Now I'll inveigle him and he gave the regular dark call of a feminine cat. Eaeh of the Judges now advanced a little closer, and Clark produced a ques tioning "Ow I owl I" Thomas answered by a reassuring "Pur* ow pur-ow and then advanced a little more. They were now within easy reach, and each imagining that the cat had but a moment more to live, whaled away, the one with his boot, the other with liis boot jack. The boot took Clark square in the mouth, demolishing his teeth, and the bootjack came down on Thomas' bald head just as he was in the midst of a triumph ant "Ye-ow 1" When lights were brought, the cat had disappeared, but the catastrophe was in opposite corners of the room, with heels in the air, swearing blue streaks. The other afternoon, in Buffalo, an ex cited individual with a well known carpet bag iu one hand, an umbrella in the oth er, and a shawl hanging over his arm, They coo boldly, accosted one of tho street gamins at the corner of Main and Exchange with the question "Say, bub which's the quick est way for me to go to the Erie railroad depot?" "Run 1" was the laconic response. Soak some blotting paper in a strong solution of saltpetre dry it, take a piece about the size of yout*hand, and on going to bed light it, and lay it on a plate in your bed-room. By so doing, persons af flicted with the asthma will find that they can sleep almost as well as when in health. We have found that bog's lard is the best thing to mix in with dough to give hens, to make them lay. Oue cut of this fat as large as a walnut, will set a hen to lay immediately after sho has been broken up from setting, and by feeding them with the fat occasionally, the hens continue to mm To Cure and Smoke Bacon. At this season of the year, all our far mers are preparing to salt their hams and bacon, so we propose to give them a re cipe whereby salting and smoking can be done in one simple and short process. Many of our housewives arc forced to de pend upon their neighbors for convenien ces to smoke with. Those of ua who own smoke houses know how difficult it is to smoke just right. By this procese all trouble is avoided. Take a large-sized butter firkin, cask, or barrel, according to the quantity of meat you desire to smoke. Place it over a fire of corncobs with the cirn on. Meat frsoked in this way is higher flavored, the corn seeming to pro duce a better taste than cobs, or wood, or green walnuts. Let the tub smoke from five to six boun. To one hundred pounds of meat, take eight pounds of salt, two pounds of course brown sugar (or three pints of molasses), and two ounces of salt petre. Rub a little fine salt into the hama and shoulders, then put the meat into the smoked tub, cover it with cold water, turn in the salt, sugar and saltpetre, cover closely, and set in a cool place where it will not freeze. If a scum rises on the brine, turn it off, scald and add a little more salt. If desired to keep through the summer, in the early spring smoke the tub three hours longer, put back the meat and turn on the brine when cold. In a month after piekling, the hams will be ready for UBC. They can be kept in the brine all summer, and if a ham is cut, re turn it to the tub for future use. Beef and tongues can be kept in ths same manner, and there is no danger from insects. In six or seven weeks the beef is pickled and smoked enough to dry. Thia is the surest and mo6t expeditious way o^ salting and smoking pork and beef, and if once tried will always be adopted.—Hearth and Home. The Slatf*Flelds on the St. Louis River. The Duluth Minnesotian contains a lengthy and elaborate report, made by Thomas Arnold, upon the slate lands of the St. Louis River. Mr, Arnold is an expert in slate quarrying and slate roofing and was sent la»t summer by the I. S. & M. .R. Company to investigate the ex tensive slate dikes which border the St. Louis lliyer, and through which the line of the road passes. On Jung 30th he reached section 19, and found it nearly covered with claims. lie grows rapturous over this formation: "I have no hesitation in saying that in my judgment this is the largest slate form ation in one body in the world. I LOVE'S LABOR WON.—A found mounds thrown up from twenty to sixty feet high. It seems as if the architect of nature bad arranged here a city of slate, with streets, lanes, and sewers. Again, opposite to where I am now writing, in the northwest corner of this section, there appears rn island suddenly looming up in the midst of the river, some seventy-five feet, 200 feet long, 100 feet wide, of purs slate, one of the most singulay formations of slate I have ever seen or heard of. I now believe there is slate and room enough to work 10,000 men." After further investigation of the por tion of this section on the west side of the St. Louis River, he says "Taking this section all through, I think it is the larg est and most immense body of slate that have ever heard of." young man of this city, recently arrived here, who was in love btifc too poor to wed the object of his affections, being unable to get any work at his trade and having no ready cash, resorted to the employment of a scavenger to raise the wherewith to con* summate his plans. Incongruous as the idea seems he thinks the end justified the means, as he is now happily married and has a steady and more desirable situation. There is an exhibition of earnest love and genuine romance in this action that is hardly surpassed by the story of Jacob and Rachel. If young men generally, of the present day, had more of the same spirit of independence and determination they would be much better off and none the less respected.—Musralinc Journal. FRANKLIN PIERCE.—A few weeks be» fore his inauguration, President Pierce lost his only son. His inaugural address began with this singularly beautiful and pathetic sentence: "My countrymen—It is a relief to feel that no liet^rt but my OWQ can know the personal regret and bitter sorrow over which I have been born to a position so suitable f»r others rather than desirable for myself." It would seem that good fortune in one direction is always purchased dearly by sorrow in another. Let those who pray for more worldly prosperity beware lest it be given them at the expense of something which millions can never restore. A citizen of Ilarrisburg, Pa, has invent* ed a new sigual light for locomotives. The light is so arranged or placed as to il luminate the smoke and vapor as it emerges from the smoke stack, thus form ing a spiral column of light, visible for miles, and it will undoubtedly prove a complete safety light, and where used and adopted will prevent all collisioo&^cur ring during the night time. 1^^ SI -WP— Take the Polygonum Punctafum, or common smartweed—of which there are tow varieties, the large and small—use both combined, or the small variety alone make a 6trong decoction by boiling add to this slop, and get the hogs to drink all you can the effect is almost magical your hog improves, sheds off and fattens beyond expectation. It is a tine thing to give hogs that have no cholera, to make th?m improve faster. A little Sabbath school scholar said she couldn't help laughing to think how aston ished Goliah must have been when the stone from David's sling hit him, as she didn't believe that such a thing e$ejt,£nter ed his head before. A Detroit girl, who wears a beaver and carries a cane, tried to kiss a hotel waiter the other day. The insulted youth com plained to the landlord, who informed the otTender that she must respect tlie men. about the house or leave. A Connecticut editor is goifig ftfto the interviewing butiucss to some purpose, lie gives notice us follows: "We shall interview a number of our^aitizeng this week on the suTiject of finance." A lady whose deceased husband had not enjoyed a continuous flow of felicity during life, was asked at a seance one night if she would like communication from bis spirit., "I believe not," she eaid if he's got na more spirit in tho other world than ke hadi in this, it's not worth bothering about."!