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v ' dt Brother He Has Some Remarks On "English As She Is Spoke." When the routine business of the regular meeting ot the Lime-Kiln club had been concluded, llrother Gardner rose and looked tip, and down the aisles over his spectacles and said: "Doorin' de past two weeks I hev bin -clusty watchin sartin members'of dig -club, and I hev bin pained and grieved to diskiver dot de advice I hev fre quently given has gone fur naught. A dozen times in de last three years I iev advised and cautioned against de -way a mnjority of you use de Knglish language, but It 'pears to hev done no good. Eber since I was 'lected presi dent of dis Lime-Kiln club I hev sot ,you an example in dis matter. I hev jpoken plainly and simply, snyin' what I meant and meanin what I said. De 'English language ae ahe is spoke nm (good 'nuff fur anybody. Nobody need .go huntin' around fur big words to make hisself understood. Nobody need lose his breath in flndin' Innmiaire to -tsk de wuy to de post office or de time o' day. "If Brudder Samm'J Shin am wid ns .-yere to-night he will riz up," continued the president, after a rather painful pause. Samuel had crowded in behind the Utove and was just falling asleep, and he was a long minute in getting out -where he could be seen. Then Brother Gardner said: "Bladder Shin, de odder day, when you was buyin' Haters in a grocery, I heard you say to de grocer dat 'de am biguity of de sinuosity didn't 'pear to be commensurate wid de comparison.' come you shot 'em off altogether. If BUOTHER GARDNER AROSE. De grocer didn't fall dead, but he will :not be a well man again for some weeks. Jest what did you mean by dem words, Brudder Shin?" "I dunno, sah," was the hesitating .reply. "Was it your object to paralyze dat grocer?" "Can't any." "Did your words refer to 'tnters, "lasses, wntermillyons, or what?" "Dunno." "I thought not. You may sit down, TJruiMer Shin. You jest picked up dem -woWs one by one, and when lie time jou 'imagine dut you lowered de price of Haters any let me tell you dut you nTmistnken, and dat de captation of de duration will soon dominate de jurisdiction. In other words, de nex't time I cotch you ptittin' frills on de J5nglis.li language you will come yere to find de doah locked agin-you and your name crossed off de rolls.' "And Brudder Bebee," said the presi dent, as be motioned forjhat individual to arise, "I hev a few words to say to you. I happened into a place de odder duy whar' 15 cull'd men was shoot in' craps. I was lookin' for my lost dawg. You was One of dem IS men. You didn't see me, but I heard you say dat 'de climax of de occasion appre hended de similitude of de paragon.' 1 wit de words down in my book, nnd yere dey am. Will you kindly explain de pint you was tryin to make?" "We was talkin' 'bout de wnh, I reckon," replied Brother Bebee in n hnnie-fnceci munner. "Oh! I see! And did dem big words of yours refer to boom-shells, or whnt?" "Keckon it was boom-shells, sah." ' "Yes? Did you ever see ' a boom hell?" . ; v "No, sah." "Well, I hev. ' Dey was invented to lift folkses up in de air and blow 'em all to pieces. ' I will gin you one week to git de kinks out o your tongue and git back to de plain English language. At de end of dat time, If you heten't done it, you will find a bomb-shell waitin' fur you at de head of de alley jstairs, and de pomposity of de atlilia tion will produce a consanguinity to articulnte de diaphragm. In plain Eng lish, Brudder Bebee, dat boom-shell swill scatter you ober a square mile of territory, and your widder will begin lookin' around fur a man wid sense In bis head. YoTTTook tired and home sick, and you may now sot down." ; As Brother Bebee fell back on his chair with a great jar the president psked for Shindig Watkins. The broth er was in his place, and as he stood up lie was asked: . "Brudder Watkins, was you in a Jeoodyard de odder day to git a job?" . "Y-yes, sah," was the reply. " "Did you notice an old buld-headtd cull'd man sorter hangln' around dee?" "No, sah." "Well, dere wast one, and it wai me. t. sorter wanted to hear what you would say to dat man, i When he axed II you had had any experience in run Bin' a snw you answered dat you had, and dut de emergency of de domestical had alwayi jubilated de non-existent. Do I quote your wfcrds correctly, aah?" . "I I reckon." . ""And as to delr meant n'? I hev Worked in a woodyard myself, but I -can't make out what dey refer to. Do dey mean dat you am a hustler?" 1 ,' - ' . V Gardner dt By M. OUAD. Copyright, 1S93, "Yes, sab." "Did de woodyard man so under stand?" "Keckon not, Bah." "No, I reckon he didn't. In fact, I'm sure he didn't. I wasn't fur off when he riz up and took you by de collar and put his foot agin you and bounced you out. lie didn't know you was tryln' to tell him dat you was a hustler from Hustleville, and could keep dat aw red hot all day long, nnd so it was bad fur you. I've got jest a word to say to you. De next time you come np yere you will find Itrudder Oiveadam Jones waitin' on de stairs. You jest inquare of him if de perspicacity of de reso lution has absorbed de climax of de catastrophe, and he will begin de work of mukin' you feel weary. If yon don't drap back on plain Knglish befo' you strike de bottom step den T.rudder Jones will git fined $5 and costs fur not hevin' his kiekin' mashecn in good con dition!" The president helped himself to a gluss of water, wiped the dew off his spectacles nnd kindly Inquired if any body had seen Elder Toots within the last month. The elder was only ten feet away, and he looked anxious and worried as he rose up. "Elder Toots," softly began Brother Gardner, "did you eber meet up wid de tranquillity of de precarious reflec tion?" "No, sah, I neberdid." "Did it eber occur to you dat de munificence of de problematical might enter into de radation of de epitome?" "No, sah." "You will sense me fur axin' de questions, elder, but a day or two ago, when you was buyin' a spool of thread in a store, 1 heard you tellin' de clerk dat owin' to de Impressiveness of de fluctuation you felt olileeged to prcvert de ostensible deliberation. You know what you meant, don't you?" "Not skassely, sah." "Was it your objeck to paralyze dat clerk?" "I reckon It was." "And I reekon you did it. At least, he thinks you ar' a fool or a lunatic. Now, den, one brief word to you and all others. Dis fooliu' wid du Knglish language lias got to stop or dis Lime Kiln club will be busted all to smash. When you want codfish go to de gro cery and ax fur it in so many words.. When you talk of war, pollytick.i or re ligion, you don't need any big words. I'm all out o' patience wid Rich foolin' around nnd fur de last time I warn you dat de culmination of de infatuation will lead to a convolution of de pers piration. We will now pour de con tents of de wnterpcil into de fire nnd go home." Dry with Aire. "I snw you talking with my cousin from Boston," She said. "Don't you think he has a wonderful fund of dry humor?" "Yes," he replied, with some misgiv ings as to whether the fellow really was her cousin, "he has indeed a fund of dry humor. In fact, it's so dry thut it's dusty." Chicago Daily News. Her War. May It's a funny thing for Tom Justwed to call his wife a little insur gent. Dot An Insurgent? Why? Slay Well, you see, every time they have a fight she always looks for a cash compromise. Judge. The l av of the Fender. Country Cousin What are those queer-looking baskets for that they have on the fronts of the street cars? City Cousin They have those so they won't mar the paint on the cars when they strike anyone. N. Y. Jour nal. An Expert Opinion. Judge Do you mean to state that you recognize that the lettcr,wns writ ten by the prisoner by the character of the handwriting? Witness Naw, yer honor; the man who wrote that letter never had no character. Brooklyn Life. The Puree of Habit. Sergeant llow did you discover that the young prisoner arrested lust night was a girl? Turnkey lie sat dawn on the floor to take oft his shoes and socks. Town Topics. At Tea Minnies of Elaht. He I do wish you would hurry a lit tle with your dressing, for we are very late. She Hurry? Why, I have been hur rying as hard as I can for the last 2y, hours. Tit-Bits. Worse and Moro of It. The Married One Can you imagine anything worse than marriage without love? The Unmarried OneYes, I think I can. Love without marriage, tor in stance, Tit-Bits. ''tir j "pp 7 klu'b "pi j- I M QUAD'S IVF1N DF HUMOR? V 1 I II w I I Ivy .K!-v.C..C"0.-0.C:..J COPYRIGHT. IS9. His Excuses Were Reasonable. . I was stopping over night at the cabin of a mountaineer when a colpor teur came along and was taken in, and after sup)cr he expressed his surprise that no place of worship hud been erected in the neighborhood. There were about 20 families within a dis tance of two miles, but neither school house nor church. '"It's jest nil owin' to two or three men," explained the settler. "I've of fered to give the lund and put in the foundations, but every time we've got together to talk it over old Jim Lee would be on hand. He'd keep shet un til we'd got things about settled, and then he'd git up 'n say: " 'I'm in fur a church, same ns the rest of yo', but befo' goiu' any further, I want it known that I kin out-jump any darned critter in this crowd!' "Yo' can't talk about a church when a man's blowin' around thut way," said the mountaineer. "Yo' jest buve to dfop the church bizness nnd go out and jump. We'd alius to do thut, ami befo' the jumpin' was over we'd forgit everything else. It would run along for awhile, and then a dozen of us would git together ngln. We'd reckon that we'd orter build a church, nnd we'd be sayin' how much we'd give, when that critter of ,a l'ete Wharton would riz up and say: " 'I'm in fur a church, as yo' all know, but befo' we begin work I want it settled that I kin lay any man in this town on hij back. I'm claimin' that I kin out-wrassle anything what stands on legs, and I want to prove it.' "Couldn't none of us stund any such bluff as that, yo' know, and so we'd drap the church to go out and wrassle. That would set things all hack agin. Hinieby somebody would stir 'em up agin, and we'd git together to make a beginnln'. When things was purty near fixed Tom Lee would suddenly re member sunthin' and git up and say: " 'I'm no hand to brag, as yo' till know, but I've got a mewl out yere who kin outrun anything on this roud fur money. ' "That would bust the church bizncs-i ngln," explained tlie host. "We'd drap the church fur a mewl-raee, and mab be it would be a year befo' it come up agin." ' "But how ore things now?" asked the good man. "Wall, we're goln' to hold another meetili' next week." "And do you think the matter will go through?" "I'm hopin' so, suh I'm liopin' so, but it all depends. We'll git together fur n solid talk, and we'll ull agree that; we orter hev a church, and if old Joe Keller don't riz up and bluff Home body to trade hogs, or Tom Mensloe don't start us off on a b'nrhunt over the hills, yo' kin sot it down that we'll git up and hump ourselves, and that the Lord will smile on our efforts!" A Suae Who Had Been There. One day ns the Sage was gathering clams along the sea shore he wus ap proaehed by a man who cried out iu distress: "(), Sage, I have come to ask for jus tice at your hands!" The Sage picked up the cork of a brandy bottle, smelled of it and threw it away with a sigh, nnd said: "1 am here upon earth to see justice done to all men. State your case." "There is n man who owes me four dollars, and he will not pay. It is n just ili'M, but he reviles me and tells me to go ( a place that is hotter than this." "My subjecls must not treat one an other thus," said the Sage, as his face grew stern. "He who contracts a just debt must pay it, even though he sells ths shirt off his back. By what name is this shirker and reviler known?" "It is one James O'Flynn, O Sage, and he is in the plumbing business." , "What! A plumber refuse to pay his debts! Of a verity, but n man who col lects 2.50 for stopping a pin-hole leak in a water pipe must either pay his dues to his fellow-men or go to jail. I will send this plumber word of my de cision." "And there is another roan also, 0, Sage, who owes me a bill md will not hand over the rhino," suid the dis trustful man. "Ah! another yet? Hast asked him often to requite?" "About hundred times." "And what saith he?" "Same as the other, but a little more vigorously. II has even culled me a robber for wanting mine own," "And his name and occupation?" "He is called (ireen, and he is in the ice business, O Sage." "What! A man in the ice business, who gives 18 pounds for 25, refusing to pay his honest dues! It seems in credible. Hast made no mistake about Mr. Green?" "None whatever, O Sage. He owes me three dollars, and he will not pay." "Then I will make him eat a ton of his own Ice, nnd it shall be honest weight nt that! Thou canst spread the news that I will do this. By the way, what is your name and business?" "I urn called Consolidated, O Sage, and I run a gus plant." "And the plumber and the ice man owe you for gas consumed?" "That is the Indebtedness. See here are the bills. I knew that you were a just man and would not see me " "Begone, cntlff begone!" roared the Sage, as he threw up his hands. "As I told you before, I am upon earth to see justice done, but when a gas man complains of a plumber nnd an ice man it is carrying things nltogcther too far. The plumber has ever overcharged me, and the ice man has given me short weight, but the gas man has billed me three dollars fur the month my house wns closed up tight as a drum. Go to, thou man of gall go to!" There Always In. Williamson Brown would never have reached the top of the ladder if it hadn't been for his wife. Henderson I supposed there waa some woman at the bottom of it. Town Topics. ' Population of London In 1IM1. It is estimated that at the present rate of growth London, which now has a population of 8,097,000, will, in 1941, have over 13,000,000. WHO KNOWS? Bomewher In the length and breadth of t our land, Our president one-day-to-be Plays "leap-frog" and "tag," with romi Ind whom ths world Will yet a great orator see: For every swift hour that's speeding away, Is helping to make, the great men of some auy In vsrlous nooks 'neath our star-spangled flag. Our future wise senators sit. In session 'round histories, grammars and slates. With studious brows roughly knit: And hearts all unconscious that they are to be Bright stars in America's proud destiny! Now, laddie, who knows but that you may be one Of our country's brave, valiant men Its chief, or a maker of laws, or a son Who'll bring glory by saber or pen? A name may be yours which to ends of the earth Will shine like a star o'er the land of your birth! Who knows? So, my lad, train your ener gies now, For what they may yet have to do. Be thorough! Let nothing be only half-done-Bay nothing half-honest, half-true! Serve well In small things, howe'er humble their state, And then you'll be fitted to govern the great! -Golden Days. TEE TAKAHE BIRD. It Is a Native of Sew Zealand and Worth Muck More Thnn Its Welsh! b Gold. Possibly the rarest of all feathered creatures is the "tukuh'e" bird of New Zealnnd. Science names it Notornis Mantulli. The first one ever seen by white eyes wus caught In 1849. A sec ond came to white hands in lH.il. Like the first, it was tracked over snow and caught with dogs, fighting stoutly and uttering piercing screams of rage until overmastered. Both became the prop erty of the British museum. After thut It was not seen again until 1879. That THE TAKAHE BIRD. year's specimen went to the Dresden museum, at the cost of a hundred guin eas. The fourth, which was captured last year in the fiords of Lake Te Anau, in New Zealand, has been offered to the government there for the tidy sum of 250. Thus it appears that the bird is pre cious; worth very much more than its weight in gold. The value, of course, conies of rarity. The wise men were be ginning to set it down ns extinct. Scarcity aside, it must be wor.th looking nt a gorgeous creJure, about the size of n big goose, ',1 breast, head and neck of the richest dark blue, growing dullish ns it reaches the under parts. Baek, wings und tail feathers are olive green, and the plumage throughout has a metallic luster. The tail is very short, and has underneath it a thick patch of soft, pure white feathers. ' Having wings, the Takahe iiies not, resembling therein Its remote con gener, the Diornis. The wings nre not rudimentary, but the bird makes no at tempt to use them. This is the more wonderful, as it belongs to the family of mils, which is in the main a family of strong flyers. The legs nre longish and very stout, the feet not webbed, and furnished with sharp, powerful claws. Both legs and feet are a rich salmon red in color. The oddest feature of nil, however, is the bill, an equilateral triangle of hard pink horn. Along the edge, where it joins the head, there Is a strip of soft tissue much like the rudimentary comb of a barnyard fowl. The bird is a wader, but lives on grain, the big beak to the contrary not withstanding. Dissection showed that this latest specimen had a crop full of grass, snipped into bits from a quarter to un inch in length. Its habitat is the colder part of New Zealand, where it finds asylum among glncinl lukes and fiords. Fossil remains show that it was once sparingly distributed over the whole country. If there Is still a land where It is plenty it must lie mighty close to the south pole. St. Louis Globe-Democrut. Closest Shavo on Record. Lumbermen were rolling logs down a blurt into the St. John's river, Canada. Near the foot of the hill there was a slight ridge, and now and then a log would strike it and bound into the air, landing well out into the river. Some times a log went astray and got stuck, and then a man had to go down tu dis lodge it. Once when this happened a man was prying at a log when two men came to the top of the bluff with an other log, and by some mischance it started down. They called to the man below, but there was noVdiance to seek shelter. Down rolled the log,' gaining velocity with every foot, and then it struck the ridge, gave a great bound, und went high over the man's head. The lumbermen call it the closest shave on record. Old Cat Adopts Ducklings. A tot of little duckllugs is a funny family for a est to have, but in Salem county, N. J., there is just yieh a fam ily as this. Pussy had lived with the ducks in the barnyard all her life, sleep ing among them every night, and when some one took all her littfe ones away ahe was lonely without them and stole 13 little ducklings from an old mother duck. She carried them all down in the cellnr, one by one, one night, to the mother duck could not coax them away, and when Mr. Allen, who owns the cat and the ducks, weut down into the cellnr the. next morning he found all the little baby duck huddled about UM cat keeping worm. A SNOW-WHITE ROBIN. How On of These Rnro Crlsr. Wns Discovered by m Lover of Birds nnd n'ntnro. A large tract, not very far from Chi cago, unfrequented even by sportsmen, has been taken possession of by birds and "bensties." Hundreds of them live here the year round. Warm-weather birds spend the summer months here, and throngs of hardy little creatures shelter themselves here throughout the winter and listen for the spring. One day last September I pushed my way through this wood down to the creek to see what condition the fences were in for sometimes old Mosquito carries oft the rails and to say good by to the summer birds. It was a lucky day for me. Besides being near to a lark when he rose with his song In his throat, I flushed a covey of quail from the edge of the brush, I heard a flicker drum his best tune on a half decayed limb, and, best of all, I saw a white robin! This was the way it happened: I was coming home about four o'clock, when just before me in a little open space on the ground were fire or six robins, supping on some ber ries. Among them was one white as the driven snow. I could hardly be lieve my eyes. Involuntarily I stood still and riveted my gaze on the little albino. T4ie flock lingered several sec onds on the ground and then flew, light ing in a tree not far away. I moved, carefully till I could command sight of this tree, and in a few minutes I saw them fly again, this time to disappear in the tree tops. The fact which im pressed me most in my observation of this robin and its companions was that neither the white one nor the red breasts seemed conscious of any pe culiarity in its appearance. Unlike the white blackbird of the old Latin read er, the bird appeared to be on the most friendly terms with those around it, picking up seeds and chirping with the rest. The little company was doubt less preparing to go sonth, for robins are wont to gather in flocks in the woods just before migrating. All robins have more or less white in their feathers, but a robin perfectly white is extremely rare. Once in a great while Mother Nature, for some reason not understood by naturalists, forgets to put any dark coloring mat ter in a robin's plumage. The young of this freak of nature are not neces sarily white, but they inherit a ten dency to albinism. ilobins have a habit of returning year after year to nest in the same place, and if Prince White Feather spreads lis wings in Mosquito creek woods neict summer I know a person who will be there to cultivate his acquaintance. Justine hidings Baldwin, in Chicago Becord. HOW THEY ARE BURIED. Australia's Aborigines Have a Cnr one Way of Disposing- of Their Ilend Friends. Among the Australian aborigines strange customs prevail, which advanc ing civilization will not wipe out. The graves which they make are curious. Tall poles are arranged symmetrically above the place where the dead person is buried, and some of the poles over lap, forming a sort of skeleton wig wam. The others bear a resemblance in AN AUSTRALIAN GRAVE. a quaint way to telegraph poles, and thi effect of the whole is something likl thut of a tenderly decorated but often times grotesque burial place of a ca nine pet cr singing bird in a family of civilized people whose children have taken it upon themselves to attend to. the obsequies. When Otis Was Nonplused. Only once, it is said, has Gen. Klwell Otis, the American commander in the Philippines, been nonplused. That wus when us a bov he was a student in the Kochester academy. Be was a natural leader, and for four years he kept the faculty In a state of agita tion. Bis most fumous prank was the smuggling of a donkey into the class room, and tying the animal securely to the head professor's desk. When thut gentleman made his appearance, he neither smiled nor exhibited any trace of anger. ."Young gentlemen," he said, quietly, "I see you have wise ly chosen your instructor. Good morn ing." That time the laugh was oil Otis. Abel Sana with Vigor. John Abel was a celebrated English singer of the last century, who trav eled about Kurope, acquiring consid erable wealth and greater independ ence of manner, boasting that he sirtig only when he felt like it. While at Warsaw, the king of Poland invited htm to sing nt court, and Abel sent un excuse. The king sent a file of sol diers. At the palace Abel was placed in a chair in the middle of a spacious hull, and then, with a rope, drawn up to a considerable height, the king and Ids attendants occupying the gallery Three bears were let into the ball be low, and Abel had the choice of sing ing or being let down to the bears H "tug, und with great vigor. Prince In the Clrens King. The career of Prince Ghika, a scion ol an old ltoumanian family, is a some what remarkable one. The prince at an early age showed a marked tendency to bohemiun tastes. Before attaining his majority he emancipated himself from parentnl Influences and married a circuB artiste. He was disowned by his father, but on subsequently inheriting the family estates he speedily rau through his money. He then took les sons from his wife nnd obtained an en gagement in the circus. He has now oottered himself by obtaining the post of manager. A Repair Shop Prince. The prince of Naples is enthusiastic enough over cycling to do all his own repairs. 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M w llthogrspltjd In eslers, "Iru.nlr. naerlr IOC ap. lll IBi k"f halftone lllaitrstloni ef f.i, Variables. Want., Frulla te.,el'gsntlT bene! la waits end jolj. mar l " caulsges asking: im snthorlty onslllnbjca pwUlnins ! tt. i.rf.n, with car. for ths ue, and s 5a!cr ptlT. Fstalariis ot all that Is nwtrabl. Il Is too siy.nilr. 10 !.. srsy InllK.-lmlnuo ly. hat snt triryon. lnterd In a cid sarl.n to bars a cajy. thmfcre wa will nnd tao Guile nsd nl for DIB BILL (or 3.1e. worth ot soedl 19 CIS. It tails Saw cntlt.l. fl '' 'sU Asiut sl j. auckaa ts bay au gcots. Vlok'a LlHIoCom CataloS'Ja."..,-- A parftct llltlo gem of a rH1 list. M " U ilply tjs Colds condonted, nnoly ir.u'--atrf. snd In bjndy Sbspo. nuking it conTtalrnt tax rteroacs. attnE Vloke Illustrated V.cnthiy Magazine rnltrawl. Improwl and uotodMe ca all subjects nlating to (i.rdtnlns. VortlcnltuM. ale. a tw. Boeolnl 1S? oOor-llit MaaaaUo Oar ntw giaa el nUlag TiM swds cv T" "see fn isnr swaej tasa s mm sas; James Vicks Sons, Pochester, Na Y. SEND US ONE DOLLAR ml vuu thli elf M.-la. 18 US pattern alfk-irada KK&KltVOIH MHL. U ttuuit t'Hift Kiuf a. ojr ireigiui v.v.as., uujou " -'""" Examine it a. your freight depot and It fiiund perfect ly setl.faf uiry an l Rreaieal Biota RAH. tslIN you ever aaw or heard of. pay the VKklMHT Ana NT ear B run ie run i, 513.00 leae the ! W wrttf ronorn nm free 8TOVC CATALOCUf. tent wlin or- andrreiiriit ehanrei. Thlt wtfrm te efxeNn.t. oTenlt lftHXlaill, top UKxxS; Blade from bwt pitf inu, extra lanre Hues, IieaTjr mirers, heavy linliiera and (fatett, tarve oven ahelf, heavy tln tlned oven door, hand me nickel -platitd ornannntatlt)na and trltnmtnipt, extra larire deep, genuine 8taaelaa pavealala llstae raralr, hand asimo larce ttniamented bane. Heal tMl aaraar aia.a, and we furnlah FUaK an extra wood trrate, maklnir tt a prr frt weee fceraer. WE 1KHI I A BIXUIM) Ut aRAXTKX wltb every etove and pjnarentee aafe delivery to your rall roadatatiotB, Your local dealer would chanre yu Kb.W tor mch a stove, the f rein-lit te only ahoat (or each WO mile., a we aatayee at leaat ilft.OO. AiIMfmj. SEARS, ROEBUCK, CO .(INC.) CHICAGO, IU. rjtajara, Kaiaeia ft Ca, are iairee4at wtlieUi-.lWai A LOCAL and CLIMATIC DISEASE Nothing but a local remedy or change ol climate will cure It. liet a well-kaowa epeollla. Ely's Cream Balm It Is quickly Absorbeil (lives Relief at once Opens snd cleanse? e,"aInrPr":,lCOLDi.HEAD vassal I'ssSNg-" the Membrane. Kustnres the Hense of Taste and Smell, No Cocaine. No Mercury, No Injur ious drug. Price Htc. at druggists or by nii.ll. Trial Size 10c. by mail. ELY MWTHKBS. S6 Warren St. New York. m aVTjythlnr won invent orimprore: ttlito ret CAVEAT.TRAOE-MARK. COPYRIGHTor DESIGN PROTECTION. Bisnd model, aketchaorpbeto. for free examination and advice, BOOK ON PAHNTS'fo .rtte m ?rrnVA nn i " werssseisseeesawsaa t Patent Uwysrs. WASH I NQTON.D.C. Binders Ovr famoaa Prlcee and earn d lea reauly April mh. W rite ow and we will aaod Twino When ready: rYlrea will be lo war than you think. We deliver f maaChlcaa Oaaaha s M. Faat, ee Mnd. IIOKTOONBtV WARD A CO, C11XA00. ACME ss en m uiuu :atarrh BOOKS A Finn Library of anequaned ratne Practical, Cp-to-date, Concise and Comprehensive-Hand sornelr Printed and Beautifully Illustrated. By JACOB BLO.GLB No, 1 BIOOLE HORSE BOOK All txut Horses -a Conimoa-SenM Treatise, wwhewer 4 illustrations a standard work, fries, ao Cents. no. a Biuum bekry book Allsbont frowns; Small Frults-nad and km bow contains a colored Hie-like reprodactloasof all kadmf varieties and loo other iUiutratlona. rtiat, y Cents. All about Poultry ; the best Poaltrv Book n exlatrnce; tells everything; ; wltbjj colored life-like reproduct lone of sU toe principal breeds; witk loj other UtneUaUona, No. 4 BIOOLE COW BOOK . .. All about Cows and the Dsiry Business : hsvrns; s treat sale; contains colored 11 fe-like reproduction. of rach prom, who ip ouier ujusirsuona. race, y Lenta. . . No. 5-B1Q0L8 SWINE BOOK Just out. All about Hogs Breeding;, Feeding. Butch ery, Diseases, etc. Contains over 5o beautiiul half, tones and other cngrsvixura. Price, 50 Cents. iTheBIOOLB BOOKS era miqw.orlgtnal.nseful-you never uw anything like tbem so practical, so sensible. They are having sn enormous sale Eaat. West, North and very one who keeps a Horse, Cow, Hog or or grows Small Fruits, ought to send riahl the BIOOLE BOOKS, the FARM JOURNAL Is your peper, made for you and not a mlnnt. It Is si years old ; It is the great boiled -down. hit-tbe-nail-onHhe-head,- quit-efter-you-have-said-it, Farm and Household paper in the world the biggest paper of Its site fn the United Ststes awfflf! iaa 10 iu, ana JouOUl HIG1 aaefc Ml own boM, and IIO.M. Bll.M. ImiIm CatakiM, SUBSIOX T SOLID QUARTER SAWED OAK MgSgg mil ia . r. a f 's- ' '-m nllM. I I. uau ruaaisnau. one iiiuiirauon dowi m Maine cIosmo , ( Head dror sir tit) to b UBtd as a aaalt laat. full lenirUi Utile and Head la plaot for i twin, 4 fawn Uasjat lam aArlitaei fraaata carrad. iaii)avt. amknasuart a decorated cabtnat flnttn, flneat nickel drawer pulli, read on 4 aaw tern, hall bearlnar ad.aitafala tread le. nniilna Hinrth Imn art net I wntS t'lnett Urge Hire Arw, fcMtf, pc,u.Te four motion feed, eelf tfaraadlRi; i Rial Inffihutlle, autonatlo bobbin winder, adjustable beaiinirt, petent tmelaa! liberator, Improved loote wheel, adjustable pnaaer foot, ImproTed afaum oanier, patent needle bar, patent dre u guard, heart If handaoiMlj decorate) ln.d. rr"" " ,lf""T NICKEL TRIMMED. GUARANTEED U UtrhUsI rwelnf , aMs eJ-rabt. aa4 arat eefatteN iliwe bb4. attar; aUMhaMat te rermlahasl ftant ear Free InStructlOD Book ttk 3 uit how anyone can run it and do either plain or any kind of fancy work. A AO YEARS' ErNDTNO OUA&ANTEB ! eent with every machine. IT COSTS YOU NOTHING fi machine, eunparatt with thoee roar storekeeper m Ha at lin nn id then If eonrlnced raa ara aavrat ttk.OO te fW.OO, aa UK tit. 0 If el aar ttw wllate thr aaoaiaa sm K'turk ft C. are thorournly reliable -Kditor.) BUY GOODS IN CHICAGO t'v'i'it! I"1'1" i Si III S MM!aT"W la"' Have you tried Ihi Catalogue system of birykf EVERYTHING you use at Wholesale PrlcuT a can mvi you 1 5 to 40 par cent on your purchases. We ire now erecting and will own and occupy a highlit building in America, employ 2,000 clerks filling country orders exclusively, and will reiuae purchase price H goods don't suit you. Our General Catalogue 1,000 pages, 16,000 Illustrations, 60,000 quotations costs M 72 cents to print and malL We will send R to yw upon receipt ol IS cents, to show your goad ham. HONTGOESERY WARD & CO. MICHIGAN AVE. AND MADISON IT. CHICAGO. Dyspepsia Cure Digests what you eat. : It artificially digests the food and aids Kature In strcnKthcultig and recor structlngtheexliausted digestive or gans It is the latest discovered digest ant and tonic. No other preparation can approach It In efficiency. It in stantly relieves and permanently cures Dyspepsia, Indigestion, Heartburn, Flatulence, Sour Stomach, Nausea, SickHeadache,Oastralgia,Cramps,aDd all other resultsof Imperfectdlgestloo. Prepared by E. C. Dal I U a Co, Chicago, - J. W. HOUGHTON, Druggist. CLEVELAND BUFFALO While you Sletp." UNPARALLELED NIGHT SflVICL NEW STIVUsEU "City or BurrLO" " City or Eait." both totether belnu wlthoat donbt. In Bfl respeeis, the finest and fastest tbnt ara ran In the Inurast of the traveling nubile la she United States. TIMC CARD, Daily incluoino Sunday. LariCHiviUa.8P.M. Arrive Bsffatot AJL - Biffalo i " -ClevcUaa CSNTRAL ITSNDASO TIUI Connaettons made at Buffalo with trains tar all Eastern and Canadian points, assi ticket agent for tlokets via C. e B. Lino. ttnd four oenu for lllustrntod pamphlr. special low aires to buffalo and miaau falls Evtii Saturday nisht. W. P. MKRBiaN, O.SSLaMO, a. fH BEST OF THEM ALL 1 1 I lPDiNirnTT'c i waa i ii tvw a a a JWTHLriACAllNEI ConUtna a oBpltta-BoTal In error nam. ber, in addition to a larve qnantltr tu useitaL and eatertalolaf readlna matter. i smsMmnoS sSsi i.s, ssklast atwn a It should be la evary hoasehold, BsVl aerlptlon, SS.OO per year. Afsnts wanted. In ovarw tnwn, to I, the most liberal LndoosmaaU will o o0ri. . a urnacoTr eoKPixT, t'saiubamj rNiuotkPHia. .