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DKMOURATIC NORTHWEST, NAPOLEON, O., DECEMBER 14, 1893.
PAUL'S CONVERSION. IR. TALMAGE FINDS LESSONS IN THE PERSECUTOR'S EXPERIENCE. It la Often Kisissiry Far m Men te Fall la Or4. te Klee Again, to Go Threat the TnTler T HaaalUntlo Before French es. . Birmingham. Ala., Dec. 10. Rer. Dr. Talmage, who lectured In this city yester day, having spoken daring the "week at JJaahTille, Memphis and other cities, preached here thia forenoon to a large audi ence under the anapicea of the Baptist ehnrcb. The subject was, "Unhorsed," and the text chosen was Acta iz, 3-8: "And as he journeyed he came near Damascus, and suddenly there shlned round about him a light from heaven, and he fell to the earth and beard a voice saying unto him, Saul, Eaul, why persecutest thou mef And he aid, Wbqarttuou, Lord. And the Lord aid, I am Jesus whom tbou persecutest." The Damascus of Bible times still stands, with a population of 135,000. It waa a gay city of white and glistening architecture, its minarets and crescents and domes play ing with the light of the morning sun; em bowered In groves of olive and citron and orange and pomegranate; a famous river plunging its brightness into the scene; a city by the ancients styled "a pearl sur rounded by emeralds." A group of horsemen are advancing upon that city. Let the Christians of the place tide, for that cavalcade coming over the bills is made np of persecutors, their leader small and unattractive in some respects, as leaders sometimes are insignificant in peav eon witness the Duke of Wellington and Dr. Archibald Alexander. But there is something very Intent In the eye of this man of th text, and the horse he rides is lathered with the foam of a long and quick travel of 136 miles. He urges on his steed, for those Christians must be captured and silenced, and that religion of the cross must be annihilated. Suddenly the horses shy of! and plunge until the riders are precipitated. Freed from the riders, the horses bound snorting away. Xou know that dumb animals at the sight of an eclipse, or an earthquake, or anything like a supernatural appearance, sometimes become very uncontrollable. A new sun had been kindled in the heavens, putting out the glare of the ordinary sun. Christ, with the glories of heaven wrapped about him, looked out from, a cloud, and the splendor was insufferable, and no won der the horses sprang and the equestrians dropped. Dust covered and bruised, Saul attempts to get up, shading his eyes with his hands from the severe luster of the heavens, but unsuccessfully, for he is struck stone blind as he cries out, "Who art thou, Lord?" And Jesus answered him: "I am the one you have been chasing. He that whips and scourges those Damascene Christians whips and scourges me. It is not their back that is bleeding it is mine. It is not their heart that is breaking it is mine. I am Jesus whom thou persecutest." , BE FELL TO RISK AGAIN. From that wild, exciting and overwhelm ing scene there rises up the greatest preach er of all the ages Paul.in whose behalf pris ons were rocked down, before whom sol diers turned pale, into whose hand Medi terranean Bea captains put control of their shipwrecking craft, and whose epistles are the avant courier of a resurrection day. I learn from this scene that a worldly fall sometimes precedes a spiritual uplifting. A man does not get much sympathy by falling off a horse. People say he ought not to have got into the saddle if he could not ride. Those of us who were brought up in the country remember well how the workmen laughed wben, on our way back from the brook, we suddenly lost our ride. When in a grand review a general toppled from the stirrups, it became a national mer riment. Here is Paul on horseback a proud man, riding on with government documents in his pocket, a graduate of a most famous school, in which the celebrated Dr. Gama liel had been a professor, perhaps having al ready attained two of the three titles of the school rab, the first; rabbi; the second, and on his way to rabbak, the third and highest title. J know from his tempera ment that his horse was ahead of the other horses. But without time to think of what posture he should take, or without consid eration for his diguity, he is tumbled into the dust, and yet that was the best ride Paul ever took. Out of that violent fall he arose into the apostleship.' So ft has been in all ages, and so it is now. You will never be worth much for God and the church until you lose your fortune, or have your reputation upset, or in some way, somehow, are thrown and humiliated. You must go down before you go up. Jo seph finds his path to the Egyptian court through the pit into which bis brothers threw him. Daniel would never have walked amid the bronzed lions that adorned the Babylonish throne if he had not first walked amid the real lions of the cave. And Paul marshals all the generations of Christendom by falling fiat on his face on the road to Damascus. Men who have been always prospered may be efficient servants of the world, but will be of no advantage to Christ. You may ride majestically seated on your char ger, rein in hand, foot in stirrup, but you will never be worth anything spiritually nntil you fall off. They who graduate from the school of Christ with the highest hon ors have on their diploma the seal of a lion's muddy paw, or the plash of an an gry wave, or the drop of a stray tear, or the brown scorch of a persecuting fire. In 009 cases out of 1,000 there is no moral or spir itual elevation until there has been a thor ough worldly upsetting. 13HAVE MEN FOB CHRIST. ' Again, I learn from the subject that the religion of Christ is not a pusillanimous thing. People in this day try to make us believe that Christianity is something for men of small caliber, for women with no capacity to reason, for children in the infant class under 6 years of age, but not for stal wart men. Look at this man of the text! Do you not think that the religion that could capture such a man as that must have some power in itf He was a logician; he was a metaphysician; he was an all con quering orator; he was a poet of the highest type. He bad a nature that could swamp the leading men of his own day, and hurled, against the sanhedrin he made it tremble. He learned all he could get in the school sf his native village; then he had gone to a higher school, and there mastered the Greek and the Hebrew and perfected him self in belles lettres, until in after years he astonished the Cretans, and the Corin thians, and the Athenians, by quotations from their own authors. I have never fnnnH anvthijia in Carlvla or Goethe or Mr. J. F Blaize, an extensive real estate dealer in Den Moines, Iowa, nar rowly escaped one of the severest at tacks of pneumonia while in the north ern part of that state during a recent blizzard, says the Saturday Review. Mr. Blaize had occasion to drive sever al miles during the storm and was so thoroughly chilled that he was unable to get warm, and inside or an hour af ter his return he was threatened with a severe case of pneumonia or lung fe ver. Air. iJiHize sent to the nearest drugstore and got a bottle of Chamber Iain's Cough Remedy, of which he bad often heard, and took a number of large doses. He says the effect was wonderful and in a short time he was breathing quite easily. He kept on tahlDg the medicine and the next day was able to come to Dps Moines. Mr. Blaize regards his cure as simply won derful. For sale by D. J, Humphrey, lm . Herbert Spencer that coo Id compare in strength or beauty with Paul's epistles. I do not think there is anything in the writings of Sir William Hamilton that ihowa such mental discipline as yon find in Paul's argument about justification anil the resurrection. I have not found any thing in Mil ton finer in the way of imag ination than I can flud in Paul's illustra tions drawn from the amphitheater. There was nothing in Robert Emmet pleading for his life, or in Edmund Burke arraigning Warren Hasting in Westrn in ner ball, that compared with the seen In the courtroom, when before robed official Paul bowed and began his speech, saying, "I think myself happy. King Agrtppa, be cause I shall answer for myself this day." I repeat, that a religion that can capture a man like that must have some power in it,! It is time you stopped talking as though all the brain of the world were opposed to Christianity. Where Paul leads, ws can afford to follow. t THK WOBLD'S TALXST OB CHRIST. I am glad to know that Christ has in the different ages of the world had in his die cipleship a Mozart and a Handel in music; a Kaphael and a Reynolds in painting; an Angelo and a Canova in sculpture; a Rush and a Harvey in medicine; a Grotius and a Washington in statesmanship; a Black stone, a Marshall and a Kent in law, and the time will come when the religion of Christ will conquer all the observatories and universities, and philosophy will, through her telescope, behold the morning star of Jesus, and in her laboratory see "that all things work together for good," and with ber geological hammer discover the "Bock of Ages." Oh, instead of cowering and shivering when the skeptio stands before you and talks of religion as though it were a pusil lanimous thing instead of that take your New Testament from your pocket and show him the picture of the intellectual giant of all the ages prostrated on the road to Damascus while his horse is flying wild ly away, then ask your skeptic what it was that frightened the one and threw the other? Oh, no, it is no weak gospel. It is a glo rious gospel. It is an all conquering gos pel. It is an omnipotent gospel. It is the power of God and the wisdom of God unto salvation. Again, I learn from the text a man can not become a Christian until he is unhorsed. The trouble is, we want to ride into the kingdom of God just as the knight rode Into castle gate on palfrey, beautifully ca parisoned. We want to come into the king dom of God in fine style. No kneeling down at the altar, no sitting on "anxious" seats, no crying over sin, no begging at the door of God's mercy. Clear the road, and let us come in all prancing in the pride of our soul. No, we will never get into heaven that way. We must dismount. There is no knight errantry in religion, no fringed trappings of repentance, but an utter prostration before God, a going down in the dust, with the cry Lnclean, un- cleanl" a bewailing of the soul, like David from the belly of hell a going down in the dust until Christ shall by his grace lift us up as he lifted Paul. Oh, proud hearted hearer, you must get off that horse. May a light from the throne of God brighter than the sun throw youl Come down into the dust and cry for pardon and li f e and heaven. THK PERSECUTOR REDEEMED. Again, I learn from this scene of the text that the grace of God can overcome the per secutor. Christ and Paul were boys at the same time in different villages, and Paul's antipathy to Christ was increasing. He bated everything about Christ. He was going down then with writs in his pockets to have Christ's disciples arrested. He was not going as a sheriff goes, to arrest a man against whom he had no spite, but Paul was going down to arrest those people be cause he was glad to arrest them. The Bible says, "He breathed out slaughter." He wanted them captured, and he wanted them butchered. I hear the click and clash and clatter of the hoofs of the gal loping steeds on the way to Damascus. Oh, do you think that proud man on horseback can ever become a Christian f YesI There is a voice from heaven like a thunderclap uttering two words, the second word the same as the first, but uttered with more emphasis, so that the proud eques trian may have no doubt as to who is meant: "Saul I Saul!" That man was saved, and he was a persecutor. And so God can by his grace overcome any persecutor. The days of sword and fire for Christians seem to have gone by. The bayonets of Napoleon I pried open the "inquisition" and let the rotting wretches out. The ancient dun geons around Rome are today mere curiosi ties for the travelers. The Colisenm, where wild beasts used to suck op the life of the martyrs while the emperor watched and Lolia Paulina sat with emerald adornments worth 60,000,000 sesterces, clapping her hands as the Chris tians died under the paw and the tooth of the lion that Coliseum Is a ruin now. The scene of the Smithfield fires is a hay mar ket. The day of fire and sword for Chris tians seems to have gone by, but has the day of persecution ceased? No. Are you ot caricatured for your religion? In pro portion as you try to serve God and be faithful to him are you not sometimes mal treated? s That woman finds it bard to be a Chris tian, as her husband talks and jeers while she is trying to say her prayers or read the Bible. That daughter finds it hard to be a Christian with the whole family arrayed against her father, mother, brother and Bister making her the target of ridicule. That young man finds it hard to be a Chris tian in the shop or factory or store when his comrades jeer at him because he will not go to the gambling hell or other places of iniquity. Oh, no, the days of persecution have not ceased, and will not until the end of the world. But, oh, you persecuted ones, is it not time that you began to pray for your persecutors? They are no prouder, no fiercer.no more set in their way than was this persecutor of the text. He fell. They will fall if Christ from the heavens grandly and gloriously look out on them. God can by his grace make a Renan be lieve in the divinity of Jesus and a Tyndall In the worth of prayer. Robert Newton stamped the ship's deck in derisive indigna tion at Christianity only a little while be fore he became a Christian. "Out of my house," said a father to his daughter, "if you will keep praying." Yet before many months passed the father knelt at the same altar with the child, and the Lord Jesus Christ is willing to look out from heaven upon that derisive opponent of the Christian religion and address him not in glittering generalities, but, calling him by name: "John I Georgel Henry Saul, Saul, why persecutest thou?" THE CHIEF OF SINNERS. Again, I learn from this subject that there is hope for the worst offenders. It was particularly outrageous that Saul should have gone to Damascus on that er rand. Jesus Christ bad been dead only three years, and the story of his kindness, and his generosity, and his love filled all the air. It was not an old story as it is now. It was a new story.' Jesus had only three Bummers ago been in these very places, and Saul every day in Jerusalem must have met people who knew Christ, people with good eyesight whom Jesus had cured of blind ness, people who were dead and who had been resurrected by the Saviour, and peo ple who could tell Paul all the particulars of the crucifixion just how Jesus looked in the last hour, just how the heavens gre-v black in the face at the torture. He heard that recited every day by people who were acquainted with all the circum stances, and yet in the fresh memory of that, scene he goes to persecute Christ's disciples, impatient at the time it takes to feed the horses at the inn, not pulling at the snaffle, but riding with loose rein faster and faster. Oh, he was the chief of sinnersl No out break of modesty when he said that. He was a murderer, jje stood by wheatejhen ansa ana awrpra ra son execaaon or tnat good man. When the rabble wanted to be unimpeded in their work of destroying Stephen and wanted to takeoff their coats, but did not dare to lay them down lest they be stolen, Paul said, "I'll take care of the eoata," and thry put them down at the feet of Paul, and he watched the eoata, and he watched th horrid mangling of glorious Stephen. I it a wonder that when be fell from th horse be did not break his neck that bis foot did not catch somewhere in the trap pings of the saddle and he wes not dragged or kicked to death? He deserved to die miserably, wretchedly and forever, not withstanding all hi metaphysics, and his eloquence, and hi logic. He was the chief of sinner. He said what was true when be said that. And yet th grace of God saved him, and so it will you. If there Is any man in this house who think he is too bad to be saved and aaya, "I hav wandered very grievously from God; I do not believe there is any hop for me," I tell yon the story of this man in th text who was brought to Jesus Christ in spite of hi sins and opposition. There may be some her who are as stout ly opposed to Christ as Paul was. There may be some her who ar captive of their tin as much so as th young man who said in regard to hi dissipating habits: "I will keep on with them. I know I am breaking my mother' heart, and I know I am kill lng myself, and I know that when I die 1 shall go to hell, but it is now too late to stop." ' AN ENCOURAGING EXAMPLE. The steed on which you rid may be swifter and stronger and higher mettled than that on which the Cilician persecutor rode, but Christ can catch it by the bridle and hurl it back and hurl it down. There is mercy for you who say you are too bad to be saved. You say you have put off the matter so long; Paul had neglected it a great while. You say that the sin you have committed ho been among the most ag gravating circumstances; that was so with Paul's. You say you have exasperated Christ and coaxed your own ruin; so did Paul And yet he sits today on one of the highest of the heavenly thrones, and there is mercy lor you, and good days for you, and glad ness for you, if you will only take the same Christ which first threw him down and then raised him up. It seems to me as if 1 can see Paul today rising up from the high way to Damascus, and brushing ff the dust from his cloak, aud wiping the sweat of excitement from his brow, as he turns to us and all the ages, saying, "This a faith ful saying and worthy of all acceptation that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am chief." Once more, I learn from this subject that there is a tremendous reality in religion. If it had been a mere optical delusion on the road to Damascus, was not Paul just the man to find it out? U it had been a sham and pretense, would he not have pricked the bubble? He was a man of facts and arguments, of the most gigantic intellec tual nature, and not a man of hallucina tions. And when I see him fall from the saddle, blinded and overwhelmed, I say there must have been something in it. And, my dear brother, you will find that there is something in religion somewhere. The only question is. Where? There was a man who rode from Stam ford to London, 05 miles, in five hours on horseback. Very swift. There was a wom an of Newmarket who rode on horseback a thousand miles in a thousand hours. Very swift. But there are those here, aye, all of us are speeding on at tenfold that velocity. at a thousandfold that rate, toward eterni ty. May Almighty God, from the opening heavens, flash upon your souls this hour the question of your eternal destiny, and oh, that Jesus would this hour overcome you with his pardoning mercy as he stands here with the pathos of a broken heart and sobs into your ear: "I have come for thee. I come with my back raw from the beat ing. I come with my feet mangled with the nails. I come with my brow aching from the twisted bramble. I come with my heart bursting for your woes. ' I can stand it no longer. I am Jesus whom thou persecutest." All Free. Those who have used Dr. Klne's New Discovery know its value, and those who have not, have now the op portunity to try it. free. Call on the advertised Druggist and get a trial bot tle, tree. Bend your name and ad dress to H. E. Bucklin & Co., Chicago, and get a sample box of Dr. King's -New Life fills, free, as we II as a codv of Guide to Health and Household In structor, free. All of which is guar anteed to do you good and cost you nomtng. At Humphrey's Drugstore. Whose Garden Is It? The moment I enter a garden I know at once whether it is the owner's garden or the gardener's garden. Nearly all large and costly gardens are gardeners' gardens, and for my part I would not take them as a gift. I don't think I ever remember envying the gardens of the great, but I continually see cottage gardens, little village or secluded plots, cultivated and made beautiful by the pathetic expedients of the poor, which seem to have a charm mine cannot rival Almost every garden, and certainly my own, sins against the law of economy. There are too many flowers, and effect, surprise and sug gestiveness are lost. I have seen one clambering rose, one lin gering hollyhock glorify a cottage home, arrest one's step and prolong one's medita tions longer than all the terraces of Chats worth. . Dear Lamia, cultivate simplicity and tenderness, and crush out as deadliest poison what I call your low tastes your taste for splendor, profusion and the pride of life. In your case they are not to be in dulged in without what you spoke of as the accessory becoming the principal and the occasional the perpetual. The owner of a garden may not care for it in the least, but you cannot very well keep him out of it Alfred Austin in The National Review. The Ancient Hearse. The ancient hearse, so of ten mentioned in wills and funeral directions, was not a car riage for the conveyance of the body like that in use at the present day, but was a four square framework of timber, from each corner of which rose a rafter, slanting, and all four rafters met at the top. This was covered with black cloth, and at the funer als of persons of distinction was set up for a time in the choir for the reception of the body during the service. It was surrounded with rails and fringed and ornamented ac cording to the rank of the deceased. Until the Reformation hearses were garnished with numerous lights, as well as with pen cils and escutcheons, but with the change of faith the lights werediscontinued. These hearses were Introduced about the four teenth century, and they continued to be used until the civil wars of the seventeenth century. Westminster Gazette. Not a Bare Complaint. "What is the matter with Spriggins?" "Alphabetic derangement." "What do yon mean?" "sot enough v's and x's, and too many to u's." WashingtonStar. Chamberlain's Ky and Skin Ointment Is a certain cure for Chronic Sore Eves, Granulated Eye Lids, Sore Hippies, Piles, Eczema, Tetter, Salt Rheum and Scald Head, 25 cents per box. For sale by druggists. TO HOBSB OWNERS. For putting a horse in a fine healthy con dition try Dr. Cady's Condition Powder. They tone up the system, aid digestion, cure loss of appetite, relieve constipation, correct kidney disorders and destroy worms, giving tj , . 1 i nE new uie to an urn or over woraeu uorae. m cents per package. For sale by druggists. For Sale by D. J. Humphrey. HER LAST VISITOR. Aereat her sky of summer dark and slow It .tota. Kind bana saw let her kuow When the cloud fall, bat tba last light she bad Left bar that day. roung. beautiful and mad, A stranded life atone bo a .trance shore. Till the snat House of Htty ahut ber In, And than, aa If aha waa But nor had been. Hope oame no mora. , Only lor came, with tender vole and hand. And amila and kiaa aha ecarce eoold nndaiw stand. And nnca dear eyes, that now aaaaswerad beamed When friends looked on her, and a it ah dreamed Their face shone and faded. Month and Tears They mat their lost one In tba sad retreat And fonnd her not, and paaaed with burdened feat And bitter tear. She saw them but as phantoms which all hours Thrust on her brain, and ret they brought her flowers And gentle words, and lavished waa It rata? Their on thanked pity on ber unfelt pain Month af tar month, year after year and then Borne fall away; the world had swept them by. And Borrowing friendship with it lingering alga Came not again. Her mates found other favorites, soma were wives And mothers; into her own slaters' live Crept can; her brothers turned aside to wed New loves grown dearer than the living dead; And few and fewer of her kindred came Till but two yearning mourners looked and smiled Upon the imprisoned shadow of their child. And breathed her name. Long time the suffering father kept his tryst. But failed at length and staid away, nnmissed By her ha miaaed so sorely. Oh, the balm Of a crazed soul's forgetfulnesa, the calm That feels not when forgotten of Its ownl The mother bora his load; and, with no mat To share her journeys to th' asylum gate, She went alone. Bhe went alone, week In, week out, alone Summer and winter, till her blighted one Became her babe again, and she grew gray In motherly pilgrimages, nor delay Nor doubt nor danger where her errand led Staid her love's visit, longing to bring horns Her child. At last one day she did not coma, But she was dead. Theron Brown in Youth's Companion. MIGHT AND PILGRIM My ancestor was a knight and the owner of vast realms. His domains in cluded several small towns, great forests and farms and other gilt edge col lateral, and his vassals were numbered by hundreds. The management of his real estate he left to an agent, who boomed it to his lord's advantage, while my ances tor spent his time in tourneying and other knightly diversions, rescuing fe males in distress, storming castles and drinking wassail with the other lords when in funds. He was a man of medium height, who wore eyeglasses and sandy whis kers, but when he was inside of his Damascus inlaid snit of chilled steel armor he was a person of imposing ap pearance, and he had a deep, bass voice, which gave its hearers a lasting impres sion of his greatness. In battle he was a terror. Many were the infidels who bit the dust before his two handed sword, and many were the trophies of the field stacked np in his castle. He was fond of riding unat tended through his domains and feeling the public pulse, as it were, and in this manner met with many adventures well worth recording. In an old black let ter manuscript, dated 1246, there is an account of one of these adventures, which I have rendered into modern Eng lish, and goes to show how the life of a knight of old was subject to strange vicissitudes. He was riding through a forest one day, when his steed suddenly reared and threw my ancestor to the ground with a dull thud. The knight, incum bered by his weighty armor, was unable to rise when he recovered from the shock, but he managed to crawl to the roadside and brace himself up against a tree. It was a lonely road, and few people traversed it. Thus he lay two days without food or drink, unable to get out of his armor or walk home. On the morning of the third day, a man in shabby garb approached with slow, leisurely steps. Coming np to my an cestor, he halted in surprise, and then opening the grating in the knight's visor he said: "Hellol Hello!" My ancestor replied: "Good morrow, friend. I pray thee give me food and drink, or I perish. " "Who are you and what are you do ing here?" quoth the man. My ancestor informed him of his name and station, repeating his request for sustenance and concluding by inquir ing his savior's name. " I am Aimless Walker, the pilgrim, " he replied, "just from the Holy Land on foot, but I have no fodder for you. Yet methinks." he mused, "that in a distant farmyard I espied a wheelbar row left by some careless yokel. Hith er will I hie me, and in two shakes will I return to thee and trundle thee to thy castle." So speaking, he hied and in a short time returned with the barrow. First, however, he removed the knight's hel met, and filling it with water at a spring near by he brought the warrior drink, which cheered him mightily. Then, placing him in the barrow, he began to trundle him along the road toward the far distant town. They cheered the weary way by reciting their strange ad ventures to each other, and my ancestor has recorded in his diary that he never met a more cheerful and variegated liar in all his travels, and he was no slouch himself, v it is said. Toward noon Aimless grew fatigued, and stopping suddenly he said: "What do I get out of this anyway?" "Why, fellow," quoth the knight,"is it not enough to know that thou art serving thy lord?" "Lord, nothing!" said Walker. "Per haps you are not aware that I'm the in ventor of the existence without labor system and high archchancellor of the lodge of Knights of the Road? It strikes me that I'm getting it where Mark got the mumps in the neck. " "Hurry on," replied my ancestor, 'or darkness will again befall us ere we reach my castle." "If you were out of those iron gar ments and did a little walking yourself, the job would be easier," said Walker, and suiting the action to the words he turned the knight over, and with a mon key wrench which the warrior wore he began to undo his armor. In a few minutes the knight appear ed in his buckskin pajamas, and Walker was surprised to find him . such a small and in fact insignificant person. See ing that he outclassed him when he was out of his armor, he began to bully him, and finally he compelled my an cestor to wheel the barrow, loaded as it aa wiia on armor asra wezpera. Unaccustomed to such menial toil. thelcnight made such poor progrea that evening found them still far from noma. The pangs of hunger added tc the knight's misery. But Walker dis appeared in the woods, taking with him the warrior's long spear. In tee than an hour he returned wife couple of fat pullets, a small pig. nd a peck of Early Rose potatoes, dis posed about his person in a manner that would have done credit to the king'l conjurer. 'And now," said be, as he laid his booty on the ground, " we will light a fire in the stove." 'What stove?" exclaimed my ances tor in amazement. "I'll show you," replied Aimless, how necessity can create out of ap parently the most incongruous mate rial a satisfactory base burning, self feeding and self regulating Sunshine range and heater combined, warranted, likewise, to save fuel and reduce the cost of living by one-half." Speaking thus, he took the warrior's iron body piece and placed it npon sev eral stones in an upright position. In few minutes he had attached the arm pieces, thus constructing a stovepipe, and filling the contrivance with leaves and wood in less than a quarter of an hour he had a merry fire blazing there in. Filling the helmet with water, he placed it upon the opening in the armor for the knight's neck and left it to boil, while he prepared the chickens. These he put in the pot with the potatoes to boil. Then, taking the knight's shirt of chain he drove four stakes in the ground at equal distances and suspended the garment in such a manner that when he had lighted a fire beneath it served as a gridiron to broil the porker upon. "Now," said Aimless as he removed the porker from the gridiron, and plac ing it upon my ancestor's shield began to carve it with his sword, "just spear them poultry and taters outen the pot, will yer, and we'll begin the ban quet," My ancestor fished out the chickens and potatoes, and they fell to, "A couple of perfectos would just fin ish this about right, said Aimless, with a sigh, as he lay back against a tree for awhile. men he filled the stove with more firewood and said: "We'll keep that going all night and snooze right alongside of it," which they did. In the morning they warmed over the remnants of the feast and proceeded on their way. As they neared my ances tor's castle, Walker began to muse, as one who meditates putting np a job, but the warrior did not perceive it, as he was busy pushing the wheelbarrow, Suddenly Walker broke out: "Strikes me, my lbrd, that it were an unseemly entrance to your city that you make. Perchance 'twere wiser to resume your metallic togs and go in in some style." My ancestor assented to this, and with the pilgrim s help entered his armor, and Walker fastened the combination lock. Then the base, ignoble churl rapidly trundled the supine and hapless knight to an obscure street in the lowest and most unfashionable part of my ances tor's town, down near the river, and opening his visor gagged him with a piece of cloth, which he tore off the tail of his new coat of arms. Chuckling with fiendish glee, he then proceeded until he came to the Junk shop of William Slathers, afterward Earl Slathers, the first of what became a noble English family, and there he sold the armor and weapons, my ances tor included, as old iron at 8 cents a pound. , He then decamped. Slathers, in examining his bargain a little later, discovered concealed with in the person of his liege lord. Between the shock of finding him thus and re alizing that he bad been bunkoed into buying 125 pounds of . my ancestor as old iron, he almost lost his mind. Walt McDougal in New York World. Then the Audience Smiled. "Yes," said the irrepressible inter viewer to a little lot of admirers, "I have hobnobbed with most of the celeb rities of the day. I have shaken hands with Mr. Gladstone, dined with the Marquis of Salisbury,- taken wine with the Duke of Devonshire and chatted with Mr. Chamberlain about his or chids. 1 have met several royal dukes at garden parties. I have exchanged opinions about the weather with dozens of M. P. 's. I have interviewed most of the celebrated divines, statesmen, scholars and athletes" "But you have omitted to mention," said a quiet voice somewhere behind the crowd, "that you have had the ex treme honor of being kicked out of his house by a certain noble boxing man!" ' And then the audience but see head ing. Judy. Ran on the Water. A noted public man was accused some time ago of a want of patriotic spirit in trying to get out ot the leader ship of his party. His accuser said in a public meeting: "What did he do, Mr. Chairman, when he found the ship was sinking? Did he nail his colors to the mast and Btand by the old flag? No, sir, he got out and ran away." London Tit-Bits. Sailing Faster Than the Wind. Every yachtsman knows that a ship can sail faster than the wind that is to say, if the wind is blowing 10 knots an hour, a ship may be making 12 or 15 knots an hour. Now, it is obvious that if the ship is sailing straight before the wind it can not, at. the utmost, travel faster than the wind tself is blowing as a matter of fact, it wil travel much more slowly. If, on the other hand, the ship is sailing at an angle with the wind, it seems at first sight that the wind must act with less effect than before, but as a matter ot fact the ship not only sails more quickly than be fore, but more quickly than the wind it self is blowing. Let us consider the diffi culty in the light of the following experi ment: Place a ball at one side of the billiard table, and with the cue, not held in the ordinary manner but lengthwise from end toend of the table, shove the ball across the cloth. The cue here represents the wind, and the ball the ship sailing directly before it. The ball, of course, travels at the same rate as the cue. Now, suppose a groove in which the ball may roll be cut diagonally across tho table from one corner pocket to the other. If the ball be now placed at one end of the groove and the cue held horizontally, parallel with the long sides and moved forward across the width of the table as before, the ball will travel a long the groove and along the cue, diag ognally across the table in the same time as the cue takes to move across the width of the table. Thia Is the caaa of the shin airing as an anglawtta tnl dtreetTon of th wind. The groove la ennaiderably long- man th width of th table more than double aa long, ta fact. Th ball, there fore, travel much faster than th cue which Impel it, el nee It cover more than doubt th distance In the aama time. It lain precisely th mm n anner that tacking ship ia enabled to nil faster than u wmo. European Traveler Hook. Sixteen Ttnaee Married. Of all the extraordinary stories of female adventuresses, the account of the career of "Golden Hand," aRnasian woman recently condemned to Siberia for life, read mo. Ilk an effort of fiction. Remarkably attractive and good looking. and speaking fluently Russian, Roumanian, German, French and English, she had been married 18 time and in turn ran away from each of her husband, carrying off everything upon which she could lay her hands. Once before the was condemned to Si beria, but had not been there long before the chief overseer fell a victim to her wile. married her and went off to Constantino pi. But after a few month hi wife bolt ed and soon after waa recognised in Mos cow by a polio official, who proceeded to arrest her. In response to ber nrgent pleadings, how ever, ha delayed marching her off upon the spot, and, like thereat, speedily succumbed to her fascinations, with th result that the woman again escaped and lived some two years in Russia unmolested. 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