The Stark County Democrat. [volume], January 20, 1881, Page 7, Image 7

About The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912

Image provided by: Ohio History Connection, Columbus, OH

                
f Sail or
A I1AHYLA1 FARM
FOR SALE.
If too want to live In ft climate like onto Italy,
where It In ft Normandy lor irults, you can do no by
pXhasliigadesliabie farm In Wicomico county,
Maryland, containing
lOO ACRES
MORE OR LESS,
Adap'ed to tlie growth of early vegetables, small
frulti. corn, whiial, oats, potatoes, hay, 40 Iher
momfter never down to xoro. .
Terms -l.(Hincanh; l,nn)on terms of one. two and
three yeara, with llMnjaly A.-Ply
janSgm Oxford, Talbot C0..Md.
For Sale Cheap,
. A CORNER LOT,
With ft story and ft half bouse on It, on Booth Plum
treat, within a minutes' wain of Court Utuae. Also
House and Lot
on South Wal net street. These bouses can be pur
chased at a bargain, Inquire of
r . ClmrleN C. Upham.
ATTORNEY AT LAW.
OsriOl-NEW CA88ILLY BLOCK. dec23-
An Excellent
Farm For Sale.
The undersigned wishes to sell his farm, located In
Plain to iMhip a mllMi North of Canton on the Ber
Uuroad. TIih larm contains
164. Acres,
to acres In good timber and balance In first class till
able land. Tuere Ib on th larm two good dwelling
bouHRH, and bank barn, with the necessary buildings.
The farm Is Wfll watered with snrliiirs and wells
and a aood wind mill to run the well The larm will
be sold reasonable- ... , .
For luriher particulars call on the undersigned on
the premises, or address him at New Berlin, mark
county. Ohio. MANAHSKS HOLL.
dec&lgru
FARM F0R SALE.
We will offer for sale the farm situated In Perry
township, Btark county, 6 miles southwest or Can
ton on the Klohvllle road. The farm contains
165 1-2 Acres,
Or 147, runt to eult the purch aser. Abont 24 acre. In
timber, balance In good cultivation. Orchard of old
nd young trees. Also a tish dam. bank barn 47x00.
brick house, two storys 8 rooms; ft spring ol running
water, and also all necessary oui buildings For
further particulars call on the premises i address.
M. KRAHILu,
J. CONRAD,
B. SOMMEK.
Rlonvllle, Stark Co., Ohlo.-dec30.doi
Farm for Sale.
The undersigned executors of the estate of Joseph
Browu, neceaned, olt'rs lor sale the farm situated in
Perry township. HturK county. 6 miles southwest ol
Canto ' on lh- Ulrlivllle road. The larm contains
100 acres, about luu acres under culilv 'Ion. balance
good Umber laud. Fences al 1 In good condition, goo;
orchard, large new bank liarn, good story and hall
frame house ol 8 rooms with all the necessary out
bulliilHgs. Two never tailing ella ol good water
and many other convenleiu es. In short, tlm larin la
one of the most desirable In the county. Title clear
For terms ot sale call on Mahlon Br wn on the
premise MAHLON BROWN.
AMDS BROWN.
decOom. Executors.
3 Farms for Sale.
No. 1. situated in Lawrence township. 1 mile from
Canal Fulton. Bald farm contains 138 acres good
buildings, fences, well watered, Ac, Ao. Price low
and terms ea-.y. , ,
No. 2, situated In Pike township, containing 80
teres, good buildings, well lenced aad watered,
Cheap and easy payments.
No. 8, '! ated t miles northwest from city of Can
ton. Small larm, good b trn. well fenced and water
ed nd surrounded by three roads. A rare bargain
In the above land. ... , . .
Also have as valuable building lots, on good streets
In city, at low prlcea and easy terms.
Parties wishing to fell their property, buy or rent
should not fall to call as I am giving my attention to
he real estate huslnss and will warrant prompt at
tention to all business entrusted to me.
J. E. KITZMILLER,
Office Opposite St. Cloud.
novW-tf
LOOK IIER13 !
A RARE CHAHCE FOR A BARGAIN
YaluaMe City Property for Sale
or Trade, tor Farming lands
in Stark County.
One business stand with lot In first ward, beside 5
dwelling hoiine and 4 vacant lore in the 1st Ward: I
houses and 3 vacant lots In the 2d ward: 2 houses In
the 3d ward: 1 bouse and 8 vacant lots la the 4th
ward.
PLENTY OF TIME.
I will sell cheap on reasonable terms, giving from
six to eight years, Time to suit purchasers. Callou
,0UN BAKER.
P. O. Box 843. Canton, Ohio.
August 26. 1880 -mp.
lots! Lots! Lots!
FOR SALE
On Lawrence Avenue, on North
Blarket, and in other localities.
Very low aad long time given II desired, or wll sell
on monthly payments.
Iy Lots are Imt than Ordinary.
G. W. LAWRENCE,
mull
No. 18 K. Tuscarawas 81.
Isnii for Salt.
i r f
FOB SECUETT OF
cGreatWMstyRii
AGENTS TkMWhMiM.
WANTED
Aid IIQHTIEN MOUTHS
IutUBPENlTENTIARY
By Gen. JOHN McDONALD.
90,000 copies of "Secrets of the Great Whisky Ring'
were sold within three weeks alter publication. This
unprecedented demand for the book has caused the
author to Issue an enlarced and revised edition
containing ft number of new engravings and sixty
pages of new matter, giving a history of his remark
able experience while serving ai a convict In the
Missouri penitentiary, renderina Ulhe most startling
book ever published. It Is a regular bnnanso for book
aiients, and t 'ey should lose uo time In securing
territory, as It will he sold only by subscription, it
Is a tlnelv ttluHiruted volume ol 40Opuges, and every
family in the United Slates want one.. J'rlre only $I.0U.
Uuy none but the new e-'ltion. Went pewt paid on
receipt ol price by the publisher. Agents' complete
canvassing outllt, 50 cents. Full particulars aud
terms to ageuls Iree- on application to
W. 8. BRYAN, Publisher.
002 N. 4th Street, bT. LOUIS, MO.
janI3 tf
I
riar'VTItJMSLJJ.I
NOTICE.
Nolle. Is hereby given to all persons not to trust
my wile Kmma O Mhelherd, on my account as I will
pay no debts of her contracting.
Janli-dw HENHY H SHBIBERD,
3H(rt5tfmtt Bur, tte
HIRSCHHEIMER BROS,
The Popular Clothiers,
Are Offering' tho
Greatest Bargains
SUITS, OVERCOATS,
UNDERWEAR, &C.
Call and Esamixi Bofcro Fur
chasing and bo Convinced.
THE BEST GOODSMTHE LOWEST PRICE
No. 8 N. E, Side Public Square,
CA.IVTOIV, OHIO.
popular Ctotvi.
Jjxctlalot JStibnej jpab.
And ill of the Kidneys, Bladder and Jrlnary
Organs by wearing the
Improved Excelsior Kidney Pad.
ItlsaMARVKL of II EAI.ING and UIII.IICF.
Simple, Sensible. Direct, Pain
less, Powerful,
It CIIRKS where all else roils. A IIKVKI,1TI()N
and lir.VOI.UI'IOfi in Medicine. Absorption or
direct appilcstlon, as o pnfced to uut.atiHfiictory
lnleriiftl medicines, Hrnd lor our treaties on
Kidney trouble), sent free, Hold hv druggists, or
lent by mail, ou receipt of price, $3.
Address,
sSmS The "Onlf Lung Pail Co
ncv Pad Ask '
noothe?.""'6 Detroit, MICH.
This Is the
3 KT 5
C3 J
1x1 hi ""'in 2
CUBE m El Ml
Legal Notice.
Rachel Commadlner, John Commadlner and Cath
erine Leeden, who ri-slde at No. 212 Rlvington street,
New York eit .N Y .wlll take notice that Henry
(J. Iloliman as plalntlrTon December 18, imo, riled
his petition in the Common I'leas Court ol Hlark
county.dhio. against them and Klltnbpth Dlelman,
Fmterlck Homnan and Mlcuael Dewan, defendants,
setting forth that William Hoffman Jr. died in 18(15,
luRvlnir n will which WAS nrohatpd August 2. 1S0& in
said county by the terms oi which he oevlsed to said
Ituchel Commadlner tils farm in the northwest quar-
ter of section a township 18 ot range 6 in said county
containing 50 acres.upon the death of testator's lather
and mother, noon condition that she should pay to
Frederick Hollmhn, Louis Holliean and Elizabeth
Dielman 3uo each In ytarly Installmontsol fluti each
heirinnliiff one vear from tiie death of said father and
mother and to said Catherine Leeden t 0 when slw
became 18. That said teetal ir's mother died In 1868
aud his father August S, 1879
That aid Rachel Comme liner accepted said de
vise! That said Louis Huffman asslgued his claim
under said will to raid i lalutitr That there la due
said plalntltTuiider said will $100 and Interest from
August 6, 1880. which she reiuses to pay although
payment was demanded.
That the payment ol said 1100 Is a charge upon said
land That the other defendants claim some Inter
est In said lands. ThatSBld John Commadlner is the
husband of Rachel Commadlner. And praying the
court to find ihe amount due the plalutlif Irom said
Rachel, aud In case the same Is not paid to order
said land to be sold to pay the same, Thatsaldother
defendants ne required to set up their fiulms or be
forever barred, and for all proper relief,
Held Rachel and John Commadlner and Catherine
Leeden are notified that they must appear and an
swer said petition on or helore February 10th, 1881.
HENRY O. HOFFMAN.
By Lynch, Day A Lynch,
dec23-pw his Attorneys.
Divorce Notice.
Flora Matson, Plfn
t J
Peter Matson, Deft.)
Peler Matson, late of Cleveland, Cuyahoga
county, Ohio, but whose present residence Is un
known, is hereby notified thai Flora Mauon did
on the 20th day of November, 1880, file her petition
in the office of the Clerk of the Court of Common
Pleas, within and for the county of Stark and
State of Ohio, charging the said r.-ter Matson
with gross neglect of duty aud ai-klng that she
may be divorced (torn said Peler Matron. Which
petition will stand for hearing at the next term
of said Court.
FLORA MATSON,
By Mxybr & Pikbo, her Attorneys,
Dated this 20th day of December, 1S80.
Divorce Notice.
Jesse Asks, whose last known residence was In
Wichita In the Bute of Kansas, but whose preeent
residence Is unknown, is notified that Rebecca Asks
did on the 18th day of December A D 1880, Hie her
petition In the ofilce of theClerk of theCourtof Com
mon Pleas within and for the county ot Stark and
State ol Oblo charging that the said Jeese Aake had
beeu wlllully absent from her lor more than I years
last past, and that he has been guilty of gross neglect
of duty towards her and asking that she may be di
vorced from said Jesse Asks, aud that the custody or
their minor children, George L Aske, Inea Sue Aake
and Gerald L Ask. may to
by M or Hand A Rue,
declllw. Her Attorneys.
Stoves, Tinware. &c.
YOST&KOONS
GENERAL DEALER9 IN
Stoves, Mantels,
Furnaces, Ranges,
Oil Stoves,Kitch'nWare
cCe.
Sole agent for the celebrated
Mahoning Coal Cool Stove,
manufactured at Warren, O., and considered a
nperlor article. Especial atteution given to
Tin, Copper and Sheet Iron
Ware, Roofing, Gutter
ing, Spouting, &c.
Al kind oJ: Work done to
Order ou Short Notice.
No. 21 North Market St.,
CANTON, O.
L. P.YOST,
W.F.K00NS.
jontnl Sta 1ft
(-tr
jEictaior'Siontj pal.
LUNG DISEASES,
THROAT DISEASES,
BREATHING TROUBLES.
It DRIVES INTO the system curative agents
and healing medii'lurs.
it DRAWS KHO.U the diseased parts the pois
ons that chuhm dentil.
jrThoujuii(ls ttstlly to Its Virtues.
KOU CU BE RELIEVED ND CURED.
Don't despair until you have tried this Sensible,
Easily Appli d and RADICALLY EfVliCT
VJA1. Remedy.
wold by Druggists, or sent by mall on receipt ol
rrlce, oy
Bend
rIkcOnlj" Lung Pad Co,
ImisaYear' , .....
moi
book
Mllll
tjeut free.
ntiiuui i, nm ii.
0 l LUNG 4PAPIjy
Petrola Hair Restorer.
I
'
!
'
,
NATURE'S
HAIR RESTORER
PETROL!
Is a pine UeuU Tiard exiruti oi feirolcum and
Is unequale for the balr. combining a tonic and
a dressing, agreeably perlumed, in one preparation
It is quick aad . flicleut, pleasant and cooling, slops
the halt lalllng, oiieapplU'Btion renders dry, brah
hair soft und glossy, aod unlike the sticky and pasty
solmlonssold as Hull Henewers. contains no particle
of silver, lead, sulphur or other Injurious drugs, and
will never gum or become rancid It Is not a dye,
but restores hair to Its natural color by Invigorating
and vitalizing the hair orgaus,
Manufactured by
PETBOLA PIANUF'G CO., Canton, Ohio
-SOLD BY ALL DRUGGISTS
! .'V. .: ' ". ' l
Educational.
The undersigned will commence In his stlectBChool
North Poplar street, I anton, Ohio, a Normal Class
especially designed for the Instruction of teachers In
theKugl .sb branches and In the theory and art ot
teachin; on Monday. August 4 h, 1S79. The session
will continue twelve weeks, closing In time for the
open' ng of the Winter schools. A rate opportunity
will .lien be given for teachers to make reviews and
to niepare themselves for more thorough work in
tin school room.
- pedal arrangements will be made for students
desiring to pursue the higher English studies or the
Classics,
Terms Invariably In advance:
For the teacher's and Kngllsh course.-.. .....-111,00
For the classical course. .- 16,00
For further particulars address,
JJAJS'L, WORLEY,
No. 83 North Poplar Street,
July 17, 1879. CANTON, OHIO.
NORMAL 1NST1JUTE CLASS.
Connotton Valley Coal.
COfflOTM jALLEY COAL.
The best of Oonnotton Valley Coal told at
J. TRODO'S COIL YARD,
The only ooal yard In theelty I have always
on band
LUMP, NUT AND PEA COAL
at the regular prices. I handle no Oa abnrgb coal
as there is none sent to any dealer In this city. Orders
promptly filled with good, clean ooal and
FULL WEIGHT GUARANTEED
deed 'SO-lm
JFlout anb JFb
IS
HEADQUARTERS FOR
Sunlight Flour
I!
(i
AND
All Kinds Mill Feed,
Highest Cash Price raid lor Grain.
MILL, foot of Cherry St,
SALESROOM,
HAAS BLOCK, Kant Tunca-
Ynir!vp by n'aklnK monpy v'ticm a
vvs kHfiiiii i o"friv tiom vourloor
TIiwh who alwriyn take biIvhiUhkh ol
th- Ka Cliuucen lor maKii.K uionny
that art offiTPrt RHiitrally twom wetilthy, while
tli(mHwhot(nio liiuintVH Biich I'hHiKVfi rf ii mlu In
poverty. Wf want mmty men, women, hoya an.l
Eirl to work lor us right in ihelr own lucallile. The
iiNiiiPSH will pay morn than ten timet ordinary
wag en. We furnish an ex pensive ootlU and all that
you need, free. No one who enguvefl tails to make
moneyvery raptdl You ran devote yoHr whole
time to the work, or only your npare momenta. Full
Information and all that In needed aeat !". Ad
drMB Btimbom A Co f ortlaad, Maiaa,.
Connotton Valley Coal. Poetry.
FLEETING TIME.
Lament who will, Id fruitless tears,
ThespeM with which our moments fly,
I sigh not over vanished years
But watch the years that hasten by,
Look I how they come a mingled crowd
Of bright and dark but rapid days;
Beneath them, like a summer cloud
The wide world changes as I gase.
Could I give np the hopes that glow
In prospect like Elyslan Isles;
And let the cheerf ul future go,
With all her promises aud smiles f
The future 1 cruel were the power
Whose doom would tear thee from my heart,
Thou sweetener of the present hour I
We cannot no-we will not part.
Oh I leave me still the rapid flight
That makes the changing seasons gay,
The grateful speed that brlngn the night,
The swift and glad return of day.
Then baste thee, Time I 'tis kludess all
That speeds thy wluged feet so fast,
Thy pleasures stay not till they pall
And all thy pains are quickly past;
A RETROSPECT—BY GRANDMOTHER.
When I was a girl and, I mind It well,
I tended a baby, and how It did yell;
It yelled so much that I vowed when I
Was of age I would bear uo baby cry.
When I was of age, and I mind it well,
With a sweet young man In love I fell ;
And I fell so far that I said "I'd see"
When he a iked : "13y love won't you marry met '
When we were married, and I mind It well,
There came a little baby, and how It did yell I
It yelled so much that the neighbors swore,
While my husband laughed, ".bey would bear no
morel"
The years passed on, and I mind them well,
For each new year cam thai same old yell;
But my Jewels so welcome to our nest,
And I said : "When I'm old then I shall have
rest."
And now I am old, but, alas I you see;
There Is no rest from that yell for me;
For sons and daughters think I ran quell
Their little crying babies when they yell, yell, yell
A RETROSPECT—BY GRANDMOTHER. Variety.
VARIETY SCRAPS.
Gab Hick, a wooden sjoon.
Qaberlanxle, a wallet that bangs on the lolna;
hence "Quberlunile-man," a beggar,
Peley wersi, sickly In appearance'
Shangie.as'tackle, or coupling,
Sciitle, cautious, watchful.
To step on a man's corn goes against his grain,
"D ictor, what can I do to get rid of n.y bilious
diss?" ss'ced a GUvo.on inebriate of a plain
spokun ductor.
"Q tit drinking beer and whls'iey."
"But If I quit I'll collapse right off, won't I?"
"Certainly."
1 It dou't teem to me that it makes much difler
euce, then. I I keep on I'll be bilious es long as
I live, aud if I quit, I'll bj bilious uu til I die."
"Well, you ore the blggts". goose I ever siw,"
8ld an uncultivated but holiest Bis onlan to the
partner of h.s J ys aud snrowB. Aud she, who
had Ihe advantage of a public school education,
smiled upon him with asjraphlo sinllea s s le re
marked, "Oh, Hubby, you are such a sell-forgetful
darling."
Oueof our go as you pleaee poets, who was en
tered in a .free for all race, siut in to the Judge
the followluf epic, beginning :
In all the lands the wheat flilds stand,
Golden ripe and fair to s.-e,
And bending low the reapers go,
Swinging their cradles merrily
All but Rupert why not he ?
The Judge remarded : "Probably Rupert Is In the
next field making love to the farmer's daughter."
Whereupon he read no more,
Love or mosic The Glasgow people have In
recent years distinguished themselvts for their
rang love for musio, aud the Town Council have
given every encouragement to the developement
of this elevating ts:e. During the summer
months thousands of people were attracted to the
beautiful parks of the olty by musical performan
ces, arranged by the Corporation, and the amuse
ment thus provided had given great satisfaction,
and oost but little.
Mr. McGulre, of a Kansas town, was elected
constable and the local paper which opposed him
said:
"Mr, McGulre will wash hlmBelf before as as
sumes tbu office of constable."
The notice maddened McGulre and he called
on the editor to oomplaln.
'You object to that statement?'' asked the editor
"I do," replied MoQulre.
"Very well, I'll retraot It," said the editor, an
then he pnt In his paper the statement that he
wished to retraot bis announcement that Mr. Mo
Qulre would wasi himself before assuming of
fice, as Mr. McGulre denied the statement, and
even that retraction did 1't satisfy McGulre, but
increased his wrath, Some men are hard to
satisfy.
Dr. Murrell tells this story: "An old negro
woman came to my office suffering from rhenma
turn in one knee. The knee was actually swollen
and she bad been complaining for some time, and
on this particular morning It happened that some
brown corrugated paper was lying on the table
which I bad removed from some specimens or
maltineand pepsin that had been sent to me for
trial. She asked me what kind of plasteiB thosi
were. I told her they were 'patent corrugated
rheumatic plasters' that had been sent to me for
trial, and If she wanted to try one of them she
might. The concluded to do so. Next day s be
came back, and when I asked her how she was
she exprersed hers. -If as being a great deal better.
She had been able to waik up stairs, the swelling
was gone and the declared It drew so bard In the
night that she had to take It off.
Mrs. Cunningham, a woman of 102 years, living
at Mallet-Scbeuecb, eight miles south of Glasgow,
Is said to be the only living person that has seen
the poet Burns. Her father occupied a neighbor
ing farm when Burns and his brother Gilbert
owned Morsjlel, and she repeatedly beard the
poet cracking jokes with her elder lister, for
whom be bad a passing fancy. To this day the
good old woman "canna understan' what the folk
mak slo a wark aboot Burns for alowse, tbrlftlcss
fellow and fain o' the dram." Mis. Cunningham
Is still ball la mind and voice.
The Wiavkts or Piisliy.-The Pala'.ej hand-
loom weaver, with his sturdy Radicalism, Is, we
regret to notice, rapidly becoming extinct. The
manufacture of the famous shawls Is now regard
ed even in Pasley as only old man's work- There
are still left 916 weavers in the town : but the
average age of these workeis Is 48 years. A
glance at the pathetio statistics lately prepared by
Mr. John McKay, formerly the weavers' secretary
reveal that the rising generation has all but com
pletely deserted the onoe popular and lucrative
trade. Of the 916 weavers In Paisley, only 10 are
lads under 20; while 69 are 70 years ot age or up
wards; 192 are between 60 and 70 years ; 234 are
between 60 and 60 ; 211 are between 40 and (0, and
128 are between 80 and 40. One other fact re'
mains to be seated. Greatly reduced In numbers
though the Paisley weavers are, there are yet too
nuny. A ninth part of the 940 can find no em'
ployment. Scotch Papir,
Who did the eannon-ade.
Edlsin Is the most promising man In the coon
ry. Be dosent make light of his promises either.
Fifteen conductors on a B isteu street railroad
have Just been discharged tor what the Adver
tiser calls misusing tbolr bell punches.
Santa Claua is a rum old fellow, but there are
thoustuds of Americans who, when they take
rum with a fellow, prefer Sauta Cruz.
Eucalyptus leaves sprinkled iu a bed will make
fl. as flue. It 1b merely a question whether oue
would prefer fleas or eucalyptus leaves In his
bed.
A Northern papr praises the "Indian Hair Re
ttoror." He is a fraud. N. Indian was ever
known to restore any balr. He flies it away as a
c-rilfkate on which to draw rations from Uncle
8am.
A oonesBoadent from India to an exchange
says: "It Is England's battle and not India's sun.
which Europeans have to dread In this oopntry.
Nearly all the oases of her appoplexy are from
drink."
A MllWAIllrnA Mltram.n ha. fallAH I. l. A rt .
-ubb i.iiou uei. w vw,-
000, and ever., female cook ou bla beat wants him
iu cci un promise ai once, ana ne wondeis bow
he's going to avoid about flftv breaches of nrnmlsa
suits.
A precloue youth In North Wheeling, prompted
by an unpleasant recollectlou of last term, sajs
that sihool teachers are like dogs because ''they
lick your hand." This carries off the palm.
Sarah Barnhardt says that s'.ie will always re
member with sentiments of profound gratitude
the cordiality of her reception iu Boston. "I like
i j people, I like zj mauuers; but zj bean nou I"
A Providence woman undertook to kill herself
economically with tbe pol.ouous ends of matcbts
but found that s'le had to eat thirty. seven before
becoming unconscious, aud then a doctor easily
saved her life.
No matter what shadows gather round her path
Bernbart makes her own son shine.' Seems to us
that a woman who has made so much money
would have educated her son to literary purrults,
selling papeis, or s imethlng of that a Jrt.
The Courier Journal wants every Kentnckian
to "turn over a new leaf In tbe matter of taking
human life." It sajs "there isu't more than one
victim for each of us," and the man who attempt8
to take more than his quota should be shot onthG
spot.
There was a men in our town,
And he was wouuderoos wise,
He thought his bus!ms would run Itself,
Aud he didn't advertlie.
Well, bus'ueis was dull at fi-s!,
But better times came, aud it's queer,
One day with a rush he sold all his stuff,
But tbe Sheriff was auctioneer,
A bulgy retail grocer,
Whom we all surely know , sir,
Was taken one day In a frleudly way
By a country chap who had come to stay
Till the mall came In at the close ot day,
"What are your grcss receipts, sir!"
"He, he I ha, ha I ho, bo ! sir,
Laughed the busy retail grocer,
As he pointed out. with laugh and shout,
Tbe barrels and boxts ranged about,
"You can plainly see, beyond a doubt,
What are my grocery s a's s r?"
A rather old man, apparently very rich, was In
a Twenty-third erect sore one day during the
holidays trying to purchase an expensive doll
He was not easily sitlafled. At last tbe young
lady asked him how old bis daughter was.
'Daughter !" he exolalmed ; "she Is my wife, and
(he will s ion be seventeen."
The Chinese Minister at Washington Is credited
with an excellent bon mot. 8ome one asked him
what bis countrymen would do, where tbey
would go if they were driven out of tbe United
States? "I expect, sir," be replied, "that they
would go to Ireland, as that seems to be the only
country in which the Iris i do not rule."
Mme. D , a mature Parisian beauty, happened to
lake a swallow of very hot tea while dining out
tbe other day. Her ooutorllous and. grimaces
drew the attention of tbe whole table, and judge
of tbe astonishment-she had ho eyebrows I The
steam ol the tea had warmed the artificial substi
tutes. They had fallen into her cup, aud-she
had swallowed them,
It was on the Burlington Railroad train, and
politics had given way to theology, and the young
man with the turban bat had the floor, aud was
denouncing the old-fashioned idea of bell. "I
tell you," be cried, "man was never Intended fur
such a fiendish punishment. God never made me
for kindling wood." "Reckon not," said tbe old
parson, back near the stove ; "too green."
Wben the late Dr. Chapln, says the Boston
Courier, first went tc preach in Cburlestown he
was waited on by the ladles of the church, who
besought him to wear a gown in the pulpit. He
modestly declined. Thay preferred the request a
second time with the same result ; but when the
matter was urged a third time he consenoed, pro
vided he could select Ihe material, to which tbey
Bgreed. He then declared his choice to be green
baize.
A mong tbe recent guests at Windsor Castle have
baen Lord and Lady Dufferln. Lord Dufferln,
says a correspondent, is as popular in England as
he is In Canada. Lord Dufforln relates with
great gusto that when he came home from India
to be married he found no carriage waiting for
him at the little Irish railway station, and be bad
to hire a common Jaunting car. Going alOBg he
asked the driver if there was any news. "Noth
ing," said he, "except that pretty Kate Hamilton
la going to marry that one-eyed Dufferln."
Apropos of tbe coming Press Club dinner in
New York, "Howard" writes : "A few years ago,
Just as all hands had taken up the soap spoons,
word came that Bill Tweed had escaped from
J -ill, and nine of every ten had to Jump andleave
for duty. But there Is no Tweed now. and the
probabilities favor a very Jolly and successful oc
casion especially after the 'old uns' retire. And
by the way, where are the old ones of the preset
There are none here. All our editors, except
Dana, and be is hale and vigorous, are compara
tively young men. So are the managers, the
writers, and tbe reporters. Newspapers men are
like the pins-nobody seems to know what be
comes of tbem."
"WHOA THERE."
A Detroit man who was hunting land In An'
trim county, ran across across a settler who was
doing s ime logging with a yoke of oxen. Tbe
two sat down together on a log and had a talk,
during which It transpired that the settler bad
been a deacon in tbe southern part of the State,
and had lately moved there. By and by the De
troltnr moved on, but after traveling for half a
mile, bad to retrace bis steps to seoure closer par.
Honiara regarding the lay of a surveyed highway.
While he was yet eighty rods away he heard
shouts, and the nearer he drew the more the
shouts sounded like cuss words . When he reach
ed the clearing the settler was Jumping up and
down and pounding the oxen, which refuted to
pull on a log. Every word uttered by the settler
required three exolamatlon points to punctuate
it, and were ground out like wheat from a hopper,
"My friend, didn't I understand you to say,"'
observed tbe Detroiter, "that you were a deacon
of the oburch f"
"Whoa there, you Infernal you, or 1,11
knock your horns off. Yes, that's what I told
you I"
"And you expressed the hope that you might
becomd a shining light In this wllderncs.r'
"I did. Back np there, you old hyena
with boms on 1 Yes,, that's my hope,"
"But the language you bavc, and are, making
use of Is entirely lnoonsis'.ent with your usaited
faith and profession."
"Stranger-whoa, you old lmpl stranger stand
up there, or I'll chaw yourearoff -stranger, there's
only one way for a Christian to work alongside of
a yoke of straw colored steers. I've tried all other
wajs; and I've bad to come to this. See that
Infernal idiot-headed steer trying to turn his
yoke I Hold on, till I cut the bide off bis ribs I"
"What way la that? ' asked the Djtrolter after
the settler had worn up his gad and thrown the
s ump of It away,
"You've got to yell and holler, and swear and
sweat, and sing 'Old Hundred' all the evening 1
The general opinion around here is that oae sort
o' balances the other, especially as none of us go
fishing on 8unday ; but If It don't balance, and
ther's anything extra laid up agin me, I've got to
get even by pounding that mule hitched over
there, with one hand, and holding the other over
my mouth. Whoa there back up. or I'll cu
your hides to shoesiringsl"
ATTENTION DAIRYMEN.
Those dairymen who have tbe reputation of
always making gtlt-edged butter, get their high
prices by using Perfected Butter Color, made by
Wells, Richardson & Co., Burlington, Vt,, by
which they maintain tbe same flue, bright color
the whole year. The Neu England Farmer, says:
"It should entirely supersede the use of carrots,
and all pteparations of anualto." It Is sold by
Druggists.
WHAT EVERYBODY WANTS'
Is a pleasant, reliable medicine that never does any
barm, and prevents andcnreedlsease by keeping the
stomach in perfect order, the bowels regular, and tbe
kidneys and liver active Snch a medicine Is Park
er's dinner Tonic. It relieves every cue. and we
have seen stacks of letter from thousands who have
been saved and cured by Be otbar toluma.
IHDtaM. JaaHa
SOME SCOTTISH HUMOR.
"A minister's man," one of a class of whom.
Indeed, many stories are told, was following th
minister from the manae to the kirk one Sabbath,
afternoon, when tbe minister glanced baok per.
celved a Bmlle on the face of bis old atteudauL
"What makes you laugh. Jameat It Is unseem
ly. What is there to amuse you 7"
"Oh, naetbliig particular," says James; "I was
only thinking o' lomethlng that happened this
forenoon."
"What is thatt Tell me what It was."
"Weel, minister, dinna be angry wl' me; but ye
ken the congregatlou here are whiles na pleased
to get auld sermons fra' yon, aud tbla morning, I '
got tbe better of the kirk session ony way "
"Aud how was that, Jamie ?" lays tbe minister ,
" Deed, sir, when we came out o' the kirk this
forenoon, I kenned what they were thinking, and
tava I, 'KB, but you canna ca' that an auld ser
mon this day, for it's not ahuue sax weeks slnoa
you beard it last! "
Dr- McLead was proceeding from the manse oi
D to church, to open a new place of wor-
thip. As he passed slowly and gravely through
the crowd gathered about the doors, an elderly
man, with the peculiar kind of a wig konwn la
that district bright, smooth and of reddish
brown accosted him,
"Doctor, if you pleaie, I wish to apeak to you.'"
"Well, Dunoan," says the venerable dootor it
was, we believe, the father of the well-known
Scottish minister of our own day-"well, Duncan,
can you nol wait till after worship f
' No, doctor, I must speak to you now, for it is a
matter upon my conscience."
"Oh, since it is a matter of conscience, tell ma
what It Is; but be brief, Duncan, for time passes.''
"Tbe matter Is this, doctor. Ye see tbe clock
yonder, on tbe face of the new church. Well,
there is no clock really there; nothing but th
faca of a clock. There Is no truth Iu it, but only
once In twelve hours. Now It Is in my mind very
wrong, and quite against my conscience, that
there should be a He on tbe lace of the hou3 of
the Lord."
"Duncan, I will consider the point. But I am
glad to see you looking so well ; you are not so
young now ; I remember you for mauy years, and
what a floe head of hair you still have."
"Eh, doctor, you are Joking now; it Is long
since I had any hair."
"Ob, Duncan, Duncan, are you going Into the
house of the Lord with a He upon your head T"
This, says the story, settled tbe question: and
ihe doctor heard no more of the lie on the face of
tbe clock.
Grotesque and ludlcroui, producing the effector
humor, without being humorous this is often
tbe characteristic of Scottish humor. At a time
when many of the poor iu Scotland had scarcely
any notion of food but oatmeal, a gentleman ask
ed a boy one day If he did not tire of porridge .
The boy looked up astonished saylug :
"Wad ye hae me no' like my meat!"
And so we read of a wee laddie Interrogating
bis mother:
"Mltber, will we hae tea tae our breakfast th
morn ?"
"Ay, laddie, if we're spared."
"An If we're no spared, mltber, will we only
hae parrltch T"
A Scotchwoman who had acompanied her mis
tress to Ireland, bi-ini; J lered by an Irishman on
her uumarrled condition, replied iu the predcs'.l.
uariuu phissenlogy peculiar to heroisms,
"I'm truly thankful that a man was na ordainlt
to me, for maybe he might have been like your
sel." It was to Jock Amos an old wife said one day
"John, how suld will je be? ' They had boon
talking of their ages.
"Oh, I dlnna keu," said John, "It would take
a wiser head than mine to tell you that."
"It is uuco'qneer that ye dlnua ken how auld
ye are."
"I ken well enough how auld I am," said John .
"but I dlnna ken how auld I'll be."
THEY ALL KNOW.
Once In a lifetime you meet a man who will ad
mlt that he doesn't know all about a hone, bnt
he may come around next day and claim to hav
been temporarily Insane when he made tbe ad
mission, As a rule, every man knows exactly
what ails a horse, whether anything alls him or
not, and can point out a lozm instances where
nature could have improved on her work.no mat
ter how well she did it.
Yesterday a horse which had been looked over
by the ire department and rejected on account
of size was tied to a post on Grtswold street. He
was as sound as a dollar, not even showing a
wind-puff. Pretty soon along came two lawyers,
and one of them remarked :
"Pity such a flue animal as that la foundered."
"Yes, aud I can aee that he is wind broken to
boot," was the ready response.
Then the cashier of a bank baited and took a
look at the horse's teeth. He was going away,
when a mail carrier asked :
"How old do you sail him ?"
"Some men might buy him for 12, but they
couldn't fool me. That horse will never see 1C
again."
Tue Judges had ca:ledhlm6,and his owner had
proofs that he wasn't a month older. The mail
carrier felt of the animal's ribs, rubbed his spin
and observed :
"He's got tbe botts or I'm no Judge of horses."
Then a merchant halted and surveyed th
horse's legs, lifted Its front feet, plnohed its knee
and feelingly said :
"Been a pretty good stepperiln his day, but be'l
gone to the crows now."
The next man was a keeper. It took him but
five minutes to make np his mind that sweeny
was Ihe leading ailment, althougn poll evil,
heaves and glanders were present in a bad form.
"What Is sweeny ?" queried an Innocent boot
black, who had made up his mind that tbe hers
had liver complaint.
"Sweeny?'' repeated the book-keeper "look at
tbe way he carries his tall and learn what sweeny
is."
"Oh, no," put In another "sweeny affeots th
eyes."
"I guess not," said an lnsuranoe man; "I gnet
Sweeney affects the lungs."
"Lungs?" cried a broker "yon mean th
stomach I '
And they were Jangling over It when the owner
of the horse came and led him away.
FACTS WORTH REMEMBERING.
One thousand shingles, laid four Inches to th
weather, will cover on hundred square feet of
surface, and five pounds of shingle nails will fas
ten them on.
Oue flfth more s'.dlng and flooring Is needed
than the number of square feet of surface to b
covered, because of the lap In the siding and
matohlng of the floor.
One thousand laths will cover seventy yard
surface, and eleven pounds of lath nails will
call tbem on.
Eight buahela of lime, sixteen bushels ol sand,
and one bushel of balr, will make enough good
mortar to plas'.er to covet one hundred square
yards.
A cord of stone, three bushels of lime, and a
cublo yard of sand will lay one hundred oublo
feet of wall. ,
Five corns a of brick, will lay one foot in height
on a chimney, six brioks in a oonrss will make a
flue four Inches wide and sixteen lnchea long.
The law assists those who are vigilant, and not
thosj who sleep over their rights.
A QUEER NOTION.
Many people think It cheaper to bny J6 oent
lsea of a proprietary medicine. But they mak
a mistake. For Instance, Dr. Wlstar's Balsam of
White Cherry contains about eight time th
quantity of ordinary 25 cent cough balsams. Ba
al les it takes a less quantity of Wistar's Balsam
to oure a cold. A slugle dose la often sufficient.
For deep aeated colds and consumption It ha
proven itself to be the beat and quickest oure ev
r discovered . ft
"THE DOCTOR TOLD ME"
to take a blue pill, but I didn't for I had already
been poisoned twice by mercury. The druggist
told me try Kidney-Wort, aud 1 did. It was Just
tbe thing for my bllloiisuehs aud constipation,
and now I am as well as ever."
J, S. R. BcoviLt, Morris, Ills., says:-When your
"Only Lung Pad" came to hand, my son could
not raise his head. He la now up and gaining,
every day, See idv.