For Salt or Lrast.
JOHN I. LYNCH'S
Deal Estate anil Insurance Agency.
8;i.200-A bouse and lot on North Plum street,
House containing Ave room and buttery; oorner
lot 50x-easy payment. ...
. SS.HOO-House and Lot on West aide of South
ilnrket, North of lta Ball road-Term X oab, bal
ance In two paynienta-abarnaln ... . .
U.350-Houe and Lot or South Cherry street,
bel all road, bonne with Uv rooms, lot oornerlog
On alley Mxm. three yeara time
ll.UOO-A fine, new, two aiory frame, 6 rooms,
hiittiry, bath room, finlsue i In good style ; situated
on Boulb Market below railroad. Streetcars will
rjn the door-cheap, one third own.
'l !00-Attue eight room bouse and all necaa
ary out-buildlng Including stable, ou South Mar
ket street flhe home, long time,
8.1.500-A Bne residence on Lawreno Avenoe.
containing nine rooms, good outbuildings, barn, fruit
In abnndanoe-1 acre ground, payments easy.
ttUIMt-Anice Kllte home on North Plum street,
house with five rooms-K cash, balance In ys.
STOO-A. desirable building lot on East Tnsoa-
13.500- A very flne residence on East Tuscarawia
street; llb-ral terms, cheap, tiv....-
Bl.loO-Houseand lot on South Liberty street,
Six rooms, corner lot; reasonable terms.
ti-OOO-ABneresidenceonS uth Market? well
finished house with room and buttery. Are years
' MfoO-A sii room home on East Fourth street,
blln U- "all, buttery, out-kltcben. stable, large and
Zall fruit, oorgar lot: aoxlfuo toeing two streets,
b sT'slVo-House and lot on touth Poplar, six rooms
Stable notn good repair, oeatral to shops andolty
5!iOO-Forty Bight cros of Improved land tare
TwMiSllS Wi from mm to pm
fcT-A New i drawer Weed Hewing Machine
Betall Price r6 00.
.Canton, Jan. 20, 1881
A MARYLAND FARM
If you want to live In climate like onto Italy,
where It le ft Normandy for tJ?" d " ,b'
purchasing desirable frm In Wicomico county,
, MORE OR LESS,
Adapted to the growth of early vegetables, small
millS. COm, W1HMH, Uttw, huvwww, uv, v mw
mometer' never down to lero.
Terms-4,0OO cash; 4.600 on terms of one, two and
three years, uo .i'; taYLOB.
JanSgm Oxford, Talbot Co., Md.
For Sale Cheap,
A CORNER LOT,
With story and thlf house on It, on South Plum
street, within I minutes' walk of Court Heuse. Also
House and Lot
on South Walnut street. These house can be pu
waseu a a uargaiu, tuiiunvvi
Cliarlew C. Upham,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
Ovnoav-NEW CAB8ILLY BLOCK. dc28-
Farm For Sale.
The undersigned wishes to sell his farm, located In
Plain township 3 miles North of Canton on the Ber-
UU road, rue larm conuuua
M tirrn In mod timber and balance In first class till'
able land. There Is on the larm two good dwelling
houses, and bank barn, with the neceesary buildings.
The farm Is well watered with springs and wells
ud a good wind mill to run the well The larm will
be sold reasonable- .
For further particulars rail on the undersigned on
the premises, or address him at New Berlin, Stark
FARM FOR SALE.
We will offer for sale the farm situated In Perry
township, stars: county, o mues muiw ui utu
on on the Klcbyllle road. The farm contains
165 1-2 Acres,
Or 147, lust to Biilt the purchaser. About W acres In
timber, balance In good cultivation. Orchard of old
anil vounir trees. Also a llsh dam. bank barn 47x90,
brlok house, two Btorys. 8 rooms; a spring ol running
water, and also all necessary out buildings For
further particulars can ou me premises ui uum,
Rlohvllle, Stark Co., Ohto.-dec30-dm
Farm for Sale.
The undersigned executors of the estate of Joseph
AlTllM Al. Otlft IhB h,m 1 1 II llt.Ml 1 ,1
Perry township. Stark county, I miles southwest of
Canton on the Blchvllle road. The farm contains
160 acres, about 100 acres under cultivation, balance
good timber land, Fences an in goou conauion, gooa
orchard, larse new bank barn, good atory and hall
frame bouse ot 8 rooms with all the necessary out
buildings. Two never failing well of good water
and many other conveniences. In short, the farm Is
one of the most desirable In the county. Title dear.
For terms of sale call ou Mahlon Brown on the
p mlaes. MAHLON BROWN,
3 Farms for Sale.
' No. 1. situated In Lawrence township. 1 mile from
Canal Fulton. Said farm contains 136 acres good
buildings, fences, well watered, Ac, 4o. Price low
nd terms easy.
No, 1, situated In Pike township, containing 60
acres, good buildings, well fenced and watered.
Cheap and easy payments.
No. 8, situated I miles northwest from city of Can
ton, Small farm, good barn, well fenced and water
'ed nd surrounded by three roada. A rare bargain
In the above land.
Also have 85 valuable building lota, on good streets
In olty, at low prices and easy terms.
Parties wishing to aelltnelr property, bny or rent
should not fall to oall as I am giving my attention to
the real estate business and will warrant prompt at-
entlon to all business enirusiea w me.
J. E- KITZMILLER,
Office Opposite St. Cloud,
LOOK IITCIIJS !
A RARE CHANCE FOR A BARGAIN.
Valuable City Property for Sale
or Trade, tor Farming Lands
in Stark County.
One business stand with lot In first ward, beside I
dwelling houses and 4 vacant lota in the 1st Ward: I
houses and I vacant lots In the 2d ward; 2 houses In
the 3d ward; 1 house and 1 vacant lot In the, 4th
PLENTY OF TIME.
I will sell cheap on reasonable terms, giving from
six to eight years, Time to suit purchasers. Call on
P. O. Box MS. Canton, Ohio,
' August M, I880.-mp.
lots! Lots! Lots
On Lawrence Avenue, on North
Market, and in other localities.
Very low and long time given If desired, or wil sell
ua mummy payments.
My lots are LaSr than Ordinary
6. W. LAWRENCE,
No. 18 a, Tuscarawas St.
I Outfit furnished free, with full Instruc
tions for conducting the most prolltab e
'Hislness that any one can eniraire in. Tn,
Plmslness is so easy to learn, nnd nn, I
structlona are so simple and plain, tha
any one can make great prnlits from the very star.
No one can fall who Is willing to work, Women are
as successful as men. Boys and girls can earn larga
suns. Many have made at the business ever o
hundred dollars in single week Nothing like It
ever known before. All who engage re surprised
at the ease and the rapidity with which they are able
tp make money. You oau engage In this business
daring your spare time at, great profit. You do not
SM! 10 1?" capital In lk. We take all the risk,
inoae who need ready money, ahonld write to us at
in0!L.-".",r"lllh4 tt- Address Taoa ft Co,'
August, Main a.
Emerlsior Rlbntp Pub.
i U : turn
CURE YOUR BUCK ACHE
And all of the Kidneys, Bladder and Jrlnary
Organs by wearing the
Improved Excelsior Kidney Pad.
It Is a MARVEL of HEALING ana" UELIKF.
Simpler Sensible. Direct, Pain
It CURES where all else falls. A HEVEIATION
and IIKVOLIH'ION Id Medicine. Absorption or
direct application, as o-posed to uniatlefsotory
internal mcuiuiuu., muu iu, vui mmm vu
D-MnAw irnuhlM. wnt fnv. Hold hv. driifffflsts. or
sent by mail, on receipt of price,
This Is the
The "Onlf Lung H Co,
OenuTneKid- IMC UIIIV LUUg I QU UUll
ney raa. ask
for It and take -k - i
no other. woiroiii jyxicn.
Emerlsior Rlbntp Pub. Legal.
Enos B". Broslua,
In the Common PleasCourt
Lake Erie, AUI
B. It. Co., et al.
oi oiarn;oouniy, uuio.
David Jones and all other oersons holding bonds 0
said Railroad Company not yet presented to the
referee (the true names of said persons and their
places of residence being unknown) will take notice
thaton November 30, 1880, the defendant Cllnlon B.
Flsk, trustee, Hied a supplemental cross petition In
Bald action against them and all other defendants In
said action setting forth that the Indebtedness of said
railroad enmuanv. on the dav Its property was sold.
on Its bonds and coupons, was :I58.7I0.85; that there
was paid on rlgnt oi way claims ana oilier prior nens
li7.niM.S4. leovlnl6.2M,'Klto annlv on: said bonded
Indebtedness; that bonds and coupons amounting to
S'34,U3I.08 nave own presented ana t la.iuz.ai paiu on
them, leaving (1.076.8 In reserve for bonds that may
hanrMnnlullii ftllA tfmfl.
That there are no more of said company's bonds
and coupons mat were a lien on lie properly or en
title j to share In said fund and that the balanoeo
said fund should be dlsti Ibuted amongst tbe bond
anil nniinnna Alrejulv nrwiented.
Tu it lue persons above described claim to hold
some of saldbonds and coupons and to be entitled to
share In said fund, and praying that said persons be
miuiMilpfannantjiand reauireu to answer settlug ud
their claims: That the court will determine the
validity thereof an wnat ulviae nai mey may oe en
titled in and that anv balauae of said reserve fund
maylbe divided pro rata amongst bonds and coupons
that have already, or shall by auswer day, be pro-
Held parties most answer said supplemental cross-
peutioa neioro aiaroii ii,
CLINTON B. FIBK, Trustee.
By Lynch, Day fe Lynch, bis Attorneys,
Bachel Commadlner. John Oommadlner and Cath
erlne Leeden, who reside at No. 242 Blvlngton street,
New York cits N Y.,wlll take notice that Henry
C. Hoffman a plaintiff on December 18, HMO, tiled
nis petition in me uommon rieu ujun oi owe
county, Oblo. against them and Kllsabetb Dlelman,
Frederick Hoffman and Michael Dewan, defendants,
setting forth that William Hoffman Jr. died In 1865,
leaving a will which was probated August 2. 1866 In
said county by the terms of which be oevised to aald
Rachel Commadlner hla farm In the northwest quar
t nfinntlnn townshln III of ran ire 8 in said county
oontalnlng 60 acres.upon the death of testator's lather
ana mother, upon conauion mai sne buouki pay 10
Frederick Hoflmbn, Louis Hoffman and Elizabeth
Dlelman S3O0 each in yaarlylnslallmentsottioueach
betrinnluff one year from the death of said father and
mother and to said Catherine Leeden (300 when she
became 18. That said testator's.mother died in 18SS
and his father August 9, 1879
That said Rachel Commailner 'accepted said de
vise; Tbataald Louis Hoffman assigned his olalm
under said will to said plaintiff That there Is due
sold planum unaersaiu win siw ana interest rrora
August 5, 1880, which she reiuses to pay although
nnvmant M demanded.
That the payment of said PQ0 Is a ehargeupon said
land That the other defendants claim some Inter
est In said lands. That said John Commadlner is the
husband of Rachel Commadlner. And praying the
court to find the amount due the plaintiff from said
Rophel. and In rane tha name Is not nald to order
said land to be sold to pay tha same, Thatsald other
defendants oe required to set up their claims or be
forever barred, and for all proper relief,
Hatd Rachel and John Commadlner and Catherine
Leeden are notllled that tney must appear ana an
awer said petition on or helore February 19th, 1881,
HENRY C. HOFFMAN.
By Lynch, Dat A Lynch,
deo23-pw his Attorneys.
Flora Matson, Plff.)
Peter Matson, Deft, J
Peler Matson, late of Cleveland, Cuyahoga
county, Ohio, but whose present residence is un
known, Is hereby notified that Flora Malson did
on the 20th day of November, 1880, file her petition
in the office of the Clerk of tbe Court of Common
Pleas, within and for tbe county of Stark snd
Btate of Ohio, charslnr the said Teter Matson
with gross neglect of duty and vklng that she
may oe divorced Horn earn reter Matson. wmcn
petition win stand forbearing at toe next term
or taia court,
By Mkyeb 4 Pikbo, her Attorneys,
Dated this 20th day of December, 1E80.
Jesse Aske. whose last known residence was In
Wichita In the Btate of Kansas, but whose present
residence Is unknown, Is notllled that Rebecca Aske
did on the 13th day of December A D 1880. die her
petuion in the orace ortneuieritoi meuourtoi uum
mon Pleas within and for the county ot Stark and
Btataof Ohio chenrlnr that the said Jesse Aske had
been wlllully absent from her for more tban I years
last past, and that he has been guilty of gross neglect
of dntv tawnrrin her and asklnff that she may be di
vorced from said Jesse Aske, and that the custody of
their minor children, ueorge u asue, ines sue asks
ana ueraia u ask may oe awamea hi ner.
REBECCA AH EE,
by Mortland ft Rue,
decltlw. Her Attorneys.
Stobes Tinware. &c
nl Stoe Dei
GENERAL DEALERS IN
Bole agent for the celebrated
llahoning Coal Cook Stove,
manufactured at Warren, 0 and considered
npenor aruoie. jsspeoiai attention given to
Tin, Copper and Sheet Iron
Ware, . Roojlng, Gutter
ing, Spouting, &c.
Al kinds of "Worlc done to
Order on Short Notice.
No. 21 North Market St.,
L. P. TOST,
&ortnottott Talltj Coal.
C0MN0TT0N VALLEY COAL.
The best of Connotton Valley Coal sold at
J. TRODO'S (OIL YARD,
The only coal yard In the city. I have always
LUMP, NUT AND PEA COAL
at the regular prices. I handle no Osnaburgh ooal
as there b none sent to any dealer In thla city. Orders
promptly filled with good, clean ooal. and
FULL WEIGHT GUARANTEED
c ABSORPTION wv.)
Ill LUNG DISEASES,
111 THROAT DISEASES,
f11 BREATHING TROUBLES.
It DRIVES INTO the system curative agents
and healing medicines,
it DKAWri KltO.lI the diseased parts tbe pois
ons that cause death.
ajgr Thousands testily to us virtues.
YOU CAN BE RELIEVED AND CURED.
TVm't dpsnalr nntil von have tried this Renslble.
Easily Applied and RADICALLY EFFECT
Bold by Druggists, or sent by mall on receipt ol
Price, 82.0U, oy
Bend fbr Testi
monials and our
Millions a Year1
The'-Onlj" Lung Pad Co(1
petrols JUlt Butortr.
''it ' ' ' tT
Is a puie deudwnsed extract oi Petroleum and
la nnequale i for the hair, combining a toulo and
a dressing, agreeably perlumed, In one prepuritlon
It Is quick aad edlclent, pleasant and cooling, stops,
tbe hair falling, one application renders dry, brash
hair sort and glossy, and unlike the sticky and pasty
solutions Bold as Hair Kenewers. contains no particle
of sliver, lead, sulphur or other Injurious druga, and
will never gum or become rancid It Is not a dye,
but restores hair to Its natural oolor by Invigorating
and vitalising the hair organs,
PETROLA IHANUF'G CO., Canton, Oblo
M-SOLD BY ALL DRUGGISTS
Renovating & Dyeing House.
Oldest inthe City!
C. PETER & SON.
NO. 2? W. TUSCARAWAS ST.,
SOILED CLOTHING, SHAWLS,
I'LUMES, SOFT HATS, JcO.
CLEANED, DYED & REPAIRED
All work done promptly and satisfaction
Work done up In first class style. We make a special
ty ef cleaning Light Furs, Plumes and Kid Gloves,
Also sort bats dyed and re-blocked. All work war
ranted to give the best of satisfaction. Goods left on
our hantls over three months will be forfletd.
The undersigned will commence In his selectschool
North Poplar street, canton, Ohio, a Normal Class
especially designed for the Instruction of teachers In
theKngl.sh branches and In the theory and art ot
teachliiK on Monday, August 4i h, 1879. The session
will continue twelve weeks, closing In time for the
open'ng of the Winter Bobools, A rare opportunity
will then be given for teachers to make reviews and
to pi epare themselves for more thorough work In
the school room.
-peclal arrangements will be made fbr students
desiring to pursue the higher English studies or tbe
Terms Invariably in advance:
For the teacher's and English course .........412.00
For the classical course.-. ............... 16,00
For further particulars address,
No. 83 North Poplar Street,
July 17, 1879. CANTON, OHIO.
jFIour anil JFmIj.
All Kinds Mill Feed,
Highest Cash Price paid lor Grain,
MILL, foot of Cherry St,
SALESROOM, HAA8 '.Vr T"-
MIS ID STORE,
, HEADQUARTERS FOR
Land for Salt.
"jut " .-nr"'". t .no.twi" ...
mm m i'.hv"
ToER Royer, Ramnel Pontlas, Anna Pontius,
Jeme Royer, Abrabain Honney. Sophia Henney,
John Foune, Sunan Fouse; Wra Royor and Maria
Royer, helm ot Abraham Royr deoeawed, aIho
MArgamt Brou.J H Hmtth, Havtlla Kurrwr. Kl!i
bth Hmltli, Harah Ream.L'ora Hmtth PheoneNmlot,
W 0 Z rbe. Amanda Hunt. M utricle erhn. Allen Zer-
be, Frank Zerbe, Jacob Zerbe, Urtie Zorbe, belra of
You are hereby notllled that ft petition h an been
filed by myself and others, with the Town ship Clerk
of Lake township. Btark county, Ohio, praying for
(he locating and enlabllnhlng of a ditch, drain or
watercoume. commencing at a point at the eaut line
of the part of ihe northeant quarter, In section 27.
township 12, range 8, running soutliwfwt through
part of the northfiwt quarter, section 7; thence south
through part ot the north oat part of numher 7 of
quarter section zi: uioneesmni.ei.Hi louowingineoiu
channel, and termlmitlng at n point of part of north
ballot northeast quarter sfctluu Mt to Intersect ditch
numher 8 In nald township.
A nd that the name In now pending before the trim
teea of aald townshln. and will be heard, and their
proceeding" thereunder completed on the 4th day of
t eorimry, itm, at b o cioen a. m. at peiittouer a
Given at my office thin 15th day of Tnnnary.1881,
VviIiMAM BKVKKTjKY, Petitioner,
Q. W. 8 MIT 11, Clurlc of Lake Townnhlp. au20d
TTotlo. Is hereby given to all persons not to trust
ny wife, Kmma 0 xhelberd, ou my account as I will
pay no debts of her contracting.
VjanU-dw HEJX&Y H BHXIBKBD,
THE SONG OF THE CAMP.
BY BAYARD TAYLOR.
"Give as a song I" tha soldier cried,
Tbe outer trenches guarding,
When the heated guns of the camp allied
Grow weary of bombarding.
The dark Redan, In silent soon,
Lay grim and threatening, under,
And the tuwney mound of tho Malakeff
No longer belched Its thunder.
There was a sause. A gnardman said t
"We storm the fort to-morrow;
Sing while we may, another day
Will bring enough of sorrow,"
They lay along tha battery's side,
Below the smoking cannon;
Brave hearts from Severn and the Clyde,
And from the Shannon.
They sang of love and not of fame,
Forgot was Britain's glory;
E ch heart recalled a different name,
But all sang ' Annie Laurie."
Voice after voloe oaught up the song,
Until its tender passion
Rose like an anthem; rich and strong,
Their battle eve confession.
Dear girl, her name be dared not speak,
But as the song grew louder,
Something upon tbe soldier's cheek
Washed off the stains of powder.
Beyond the darkening ocean burned
The bloody sunset's embers,
While the Crimean valleys learned
How British lovs remembers.
And onos again a Are of hell
Rained on the Russian quarters,
With scream of shot and burst of shell,
And bellowing of the mortars.
And Irish Nora's eyes are dim
For a singer dumb and gory;
And English Mary mourns for him
Who sang of "Annie Laurie."
Sleep, soldiers I still la honored rest
Your truth and valor wearing;
The bravest are the tenderest
Tbe loving are tbe daring.
To step on a man's corn goes against bis grain.
Muoh as the monkey surprgges man In agility,
he can't ran uu bills as easv.
ran up bills as easy,
Landlords' agents In Ireland are
The tower of Bibelli the first continued story
Michigan has produced a pig with a trunk.
This thing should be checked.
If you want to appreciate the genius of Shakp
peare, put yourself In his plays.
Tbe dancing master Is alwas taking step to
Improve but business.
It lake an old woman well versed In herbs to
live sage advloe.
Tbe girl who bangs her hair often make the
wire who baBgs her husband's.
An Irishman tells of a woman who was so
cross-eyed that she put her spectacles on the baok
of her head.
WheB you find yourself with your wife and
mother-in-law, to whom should you give your
A Frenchman says that the soul of wine is at
111 top. It must be a cork soul.
Love levels all ranks, but you can't love an
onion enougb to level Its rank.
"Sam, why are lawyers like fishes ?" "I don't
meddle wldde tubjeo' Pomp." Why, don't you
seeT 'Cause dey am so fond of debate.
"There, that explains where my clothes-line
went to," exclaimed an Iowa woman, as she
found her husband hanging In the stable.
Epitaph for a cannibal "One who loved bis
The small boy soon grows tired of a new drum,
There Is nothing in It,
The man who Is under the weather should car
ry an umbrella.
Tbe Emperor of Brazil has translated some of
Whittler'a poemB into Portugese,
"Let me see your paper a moment, dear?"
Husband "Yes, as soon as we get to the tun
Even the wisest Is sometimes a fool, For ex
ample, the philosopher who wore his spectaoles
when asleep that he might recognize the friends
he might see In his dreams,
Two little birds started out to sing,
When foggy was the weather;
They cleared their throats and whetted their
And coughed and wheezed together.
They wheezed and coughed as hard as they
In this dreadful foggy weather,
Till they spoiled their notes and split their
And turned up their toes together.
Mixed matters Tom and Jerry,
It's the sculptor who "outs a figure."
Its not nnfrequent that the differences between
men become striking,
Bad footing that the lnoompetent book keeper
A kiss on the lips Is worth two on the cheek.
That Is, It Is said to be.
Why is tbe aoe ot spades like one man In fifty
Because it's one In fifty-two.
"I'm going fast," as the prisoner remarked as
the Sheriff took blm oft In Irons,
"By hookey, I've caught a fish I" said the
Non-committal-the school boy, and that's why
the master spanked him.
A funny spectacle Germany going back on tbe
Beggars shouldn't be chew-sin, and yet many
a tramp carries a huge cake of navy plug around
Abstraot offices were Invented for the purpose
of making people sure of their ground,
Sausages are dog angels,
Funeral Benevolence : "A dead give away,"
There is only one married state Mrs. Blppl,
The ties on which tbe rails of butlness are laid
"Another bark gone down," he exclaimed, tu
be threw his dog In the well.
The woman question-Switch is swltoht
Patslng around the hat Is one way of getting
Ihe cents of the meeting.
The soap-maker's watchword .'Where there's
lye there's soap."
A man wants but little here below sera.
Locked up and the keys left on the Inside the
The seasick midshipman said they were his
middy evil days.
The good Samaritan stopped at the sound of
woe; so does tbe good horse,
"Marriage," says an exchange, "Is a knotty
question." Is It, Indeed; but It's nice.
A kiss on the forehead of some of our modern
girls Is a sort of salaam bang salutation,
Tbe Wisconsin man is proud ef Milwaukee. He
calls her tbe oreatn city and will not have any
Pike's Peak, In the Rocky Mountains, has
come out as a first olass volcano, In fact, Pike's
Peak haB Bpoken,
Tho latest thing In culinary styles Is the six
buttoned pancake with embroidery of currant
Jelly on the baok.
The most afflicted part of the house is the win
dow. It Is always full of panes; and who has not
seen more tban one window blind T
We are all of us very like the poor Ignorant
woman who, when asked If she bad religion, re
plied that she had touches of it occasionally,
"Have yon cologne t" she asked. "No, ma'am,"
replied the druggist. "I have no soents at all."
And she said she thought m all the time.
I saw a watch-spring running clear,
a monkey-wrench his paw;
I saw a donkey engineer,
A picture frame a law.
I saw a cow-hide In the grass,
A rush-light on tbe floor,
I saw a candle-stick In mud,
And a bell-pnll on the door,
A man was arrested In New York the other d.
with a coffin under his arm. which he was tr.
lug to sell (or ten cents. The man wanted twn
bier worse tban one ooffin.
The followlns: Is an enltanh fVnm a tnmh n
Versailles: 'ExceDt In 1859. rinrfns whih fa.
several days she took lessons on the piano, her
lire was without a stain.'
'What's your taste V asked a Rnatnn wu
painter of a customer, 'I can give you a harmo
ny In green and white. Or a Bvmnhnnv In l...n.
der and brown, or a nocturne In yellow and
When a boy walks with a crlrl aa ihnnoh h
afraid some one might see blm, the girl Is his sis
ter. If he walks so close tn tlAF ft SI tn narat1f
crowd her against the feaoe, It is another fellow's
'Why should we celebrate Washlnvtan'a hirth.
day more than mine?' asked a teacher, 'Because
he never told a lie I' shouted a little boy.
The difference between the school bov and tha
clerk boy Is that one stores the mind an the
other minds the store.
The base drum slaver mrkes mora nrriM tlnmn
anybody else; but he doesn't lead tha han.
There is a moral to this.
Mark Twain, speaking of a new moaoulta net.
ting, writes : 'The day is coming when we shall
sit nnder our nets In ohurch and slumber peace
fully, while the discomfited files eluh tnnthnr
and take It out of the minister.'
A New York lady examlnlnar an annlfnsnt fa
the office of mald-of-ali-work. intarrnimtiui ho.
follows: 'Mary, can von scour tinware i,h
alacrity?' 'Perhaps I could, ma'am; jbut I gen
erally have scoured with sand.
The women are against Mnrmnnlim thnrn
its days are numbered. In faot. nerhana tho .
sent Incumbents had better be picking out their
There never were so msny Inducements for a
white man to be a Ponca as now. The antim
country is worrying for fear that these red men
will not obtain their rights,
After an enthuslastlo lover anenda two hmir.'
hard labor over a letter to his ilrl. and then man
Its beauty by spilling a diop ofluk on It, he first
swears in a soientmo manner for a few minutes,
and then draw a cirole round the blot and tells
ber It Is a kiss, and she, poor thing, believes It.
If your sister, while engaged In a tender Ann.
venation with her sweetheart asks you to bring
a glass or water from an adloinlns room, vnn nan
start on the errand, but need not return. You
wm aot te missed-that'a certain. This depart
ment ha seen It tried. Don't forget this, little
William goes a oourtln',
With her silent sits,
Both engaged In sortln'
Wood In little bit.
Not a word they utter
Curious kind of eourtln'
Now and then they mutter :
A school boy being asked by a rival on the
street, which wm tbe highest study in hi school,
replied with a stare of pity and surprise : 'Why,
astronomy, of oourse.'
'If I have overused any unkind words, Han
nah,' said Mr. Smith, reflectively, 'I take them
all back.' 'Yes, I suppose you want to use them
ov r again,' was the not very soothing reply.
A South End woman hnnted two hours for a
needle she dronned on the floor, and
find it, and then ber husband came In, and bad
hardly taken his boots off before he could tell
where It was. Queer how men can do things
Angelica asked Augustus, who was a nice
young man, wnat was the synonym of liquor.
He put his face close to hers and lnvlnv mid
he didn't know. She tnld him hn HlH .a
she removed from the reach of his breath, she
siia she was certain that whisky was the sin
In him. and the next time Augustus nallori ho
wore a beautiful blue ribbon on his coat front
ana aeiicateiy ninoiea a clove.
YE OLDEN DAYS.
Thirty yeara ago Michigan people were a frank
and truthful set. Strangers could come bere and
trade horses with their eyes shut, and breach of
promise cases were unknown. ' Folks meant
what they said, and when they gave their word
stuck to It.
Exactly thirty years ago this month a widower
from New York State appeared in Lansing on bu
siness. That same business carried him over
to DeWltt, eight miles away. While en route he
stopped at a log farm house to warm his cold
fingers, He was warmly welcomed by the pio
neer and hi wife, both of whom were well along
tn years, and after some general talk, the woman
"Am I right In thinking you are a widower?''
"Did you come out here to find a wife?"
"Did anybody tell you of our Susie ?"
"Well, we've got as bouncing a girl of 22 as you
ever set eyes on, She's good looking, healthly
and good tempered, and I think she'll like your
"Where Is she?"
"Over In the woods, there, chopping down a
coon tree. Shall I blow the horn for her?"
"No. If you'll keep an eye on my horse I'll
"Well, there's nothing stuck up or affected
about Susie. She'll say yea or no a soon a she
looks you over. If you want her don't be afraid
to say so."
Tbe stranger beard the sound of her axe and
followed it. He found her Just as tbe tree was
ready to fall. She wa a slout, good looking girl,
swinging the axe like a man, and in two min
utes he had decided to say :
"Susie, I'm a widower from New York Btate;
I'm 39 year old, have one child, own a good
farm and want a wife. Will you go back home
She leaned on the axe and looked at him for
half a minute, and then replied :
"Can't say for certain. Just wait till I get these
coons off my mind."
She sent the tree crashing to dearth, and with
bis help killed five coons which were stowed
away In a hollow.
"Well, what do you say?" he asked as tbe last
coon stopped kloklng,
I'm your'n," was the reply, "and by the time
yon get baok from DeWltt I will have these pelt
off and tacked up, and be ready for the
He returned to the house, told tbe old folks
that he should bring a pieacher back with htm,
and at dusk that evening the twain were marri
ed, Hardly an hour bad been wasted in court
ing, and yet he took home one of the best girl in
the State of Mlohlgan. Detroit Free Prtu,
THE GAME OF LIFE.
Man's life Is a game of cards. First It Is 'crib
bags.' Next be tries to 'go it alone' at a sort of
'cut shuffle and deal' pace. Then be gambols 'on
the green.' Then he 'raises' the 'deuce' when his
mother 'takes a hand in,' and contrary to Hoyle,
'beats her little Joker' with her 'five.' Then with
his 'diamonds' he wins tbe 'queen of heart.'
Tired of 'playing a lone band' he expresses a de
sire to 'assist' his fair 'partner,' 'throws out his
cards,' and the olergyman lakes a ten-dollar bill
out of him 'on a pair.' 8be 'orders htm up' to
build fires. Like a 'knave' he joins the 'clubs,'
where he eftoet get 'high' which la 'low,' too.
If he keep 'straight' he Is oftentimes 'flush.'
He grows old and 'bluff,' sees a 'deal' of trouble,
when at last he 'shuffles' off his mortal coll and
'pannes In bis checks,' and ho Is 'raked In' by a
'spado.' Life's fitful 'game' is ended, and be
waits the summons of Gabriel's 'trump,' which
shall order blm up.'
We are In recespt or a poem entitled "Ideal Ov
er There." The Inference Is that the other fellow
I doing all the dealing here. The author says In
a note that It la full of consolation. The masse
ot the people will fall to see how he make that
A SCENE IN CONGRESS.
Good Advice to a Young Man from His Father
My ton, It may be that a yon grow older yon
will be seised with an ambition to serve your
country In the halls of Congress. To this end yea
should begin now to acquire that polish and east
elegance of language which will enable you to
shine In debate. Bead the dally papers, and thus
familiarize yourself with the language and man
ners of the American legislator. Cut out tha
official report of the financial debate between tha
Hon, Mr. Cleaver and the Hon. Mr. Snark, that It
may be to you a text-book upon monetary mat
Hon. Mr. Cleaver-In presenting this bill for
the Issue of 400,000,000 oopper dollars per diem,
Mr. Speaker, I am moved to say:
Hon. Mr. 8nark-The honorable gentleman la
dirty liar and doesn't dare to take It up.
Hon. Mr. Cleaver-Sir, Mr. Speaker, If the hon
orable gentleman doesn't take that back in two
shakes of a sheep's tall, I will kiok the everlast
ing stuffing out of him.
The Speaker The gentlemen must be careful.
In the heat of debate, not to overstep the bonnda
of courtesy and parliamentary usage.
Hon. Mr. Snark-The gentleman Is a lop-eared
son of a gun from a wooden-shoe county, and he)
ean't whip one side of me.
Hon. Mr. Cleaver-Will the gentleman step out
from behind bis desk and put up his mauleyaf
Canoe to we you sucker, I only weigh a pound.
Hen. Mr. Snark-I'U slay your nasty month,
you venemous old beast.
Hon. Mr. Cleaver-Aw-w, shut op, Skinny;
what are yon glvln' us ?
Hon. Mr. Groans, of Texas Black his eye I Hit
him In the mouth t
Other honorable gentlemen from various State
Smear him one I Send him one on the pasta
horn, for luok 1 Smack him in the snoot I
Hon. Mr. Can Handle (the Speaker), mildly
Tbe honorable gentlemen will please keep with
In the bounds of Parliamentary courtesy.
Hon. Mr. Cleaver (Jumping up In tbe air and:
cracking bis heels together) -Whoop I I kin chaw
ud and carrv out anv son of a thief hnitnan Chi
cago and Cairo ! If you don't believe it, smell of
uiy uuuui i
Hon. Mr. Snark Hold me down, somebody t
m the bad man from the river dlstrint. and T Mt
raw buffalo I Where do you want me to hi
And just here the nollne. nn thair in inaa
a disorderly house in the neighborhood, stepped
In and closed the debate.
From this page of Congressional hlstnrv. m
son, you can see how to direct your reading la
order to acquire a sufficient knowledge of flnan-
uiai maiiers to participate in a debate on the)
funding bill, It mav be a grand thlnv tn
Congress. I won't discourage you, my dear boy
it your ambition leans In that direction. Still, so
long as yon have an alternative onnn. an Innw . a
you oan get a steady situation as chambermaid la
a uvery staoie or a oierk on a raft, I wouldn't ad
vise you to set your heart on Cnmri-eu Th a m-
rlcan people do not bave very much respect for
congress as a body. They are always sorry to sea
It In session. They are always glad when It ad.
Journs. Individually, the .members of Congress
are, I believe, good oltlzens, good neighbors good
men. But for a lot or good raw material, my boy.
they can make the meanest aggregate when they
get together Don't worry about going to Con
gress, Telemachus. Go to the mine or join tho
minstrels. Your parents will think more of you.
— Bob Burdette.
RELIGION IN THE LIME KILN
The President stated that he was In receipt of a
communication from St, Louis, asking the Club
how It stood on the Bob Ingersoll question of Qod
or no God. He would ask Sir Isaao Waipole to
answer it for himself and all his fellow mem
bers. He was willing to abide by what tbe good
old man said, and he believed all others would!
The white-headed old man, old and wrinkled ,
and burdened with to weight of 70 years, rose la
his seat, looked around him and quietly began:
"If dar am no God den dar am no fuchur.
When we close our eyes In death de soul dies
wid us an' we molder to dust de tame as de
brutes, It has been a long Journey for me. In
my heart am de graves of wife and chil'ren. Mr
days bave been cloudy an' full of woe. My nlg'ta
have been dark an' full of sorrow. I have been
robbed, cheated, abused an' made to feel my
wretchedness, but neber In my darkest hour, did
I doubt dar was a God, nor did I lose faith in
Him. Take sway dat faith to-night, make ma
believe datdaramno heaben, tell me dat I won't
meet my poor old Chloe an' de blessed chU'rea
up dar 'mong de angels, an' you would crush ma
down an' break my old heart. Dat'a all I 'pear
to be llbln' fur-to wait de Master's call to closo
de ledger of life, a'n' go home I I am old an' poor
an' lewly, but heah in my breast am a teelln' dat
I wouldn't sell fur all de gold in de world dat
all de arguments of a million Ingersolls could
not change a feelln' dat poor an' lowly as I am.
de grave will not be de last of me."
During hla remarks tbe hall was as quiet aa
the grave. When he bad finished it was a fall
minute before any one moved. Then Brother
Gardner softly said :
"As says Sir Isaao, so say we aU."-Detroit Fret
HUMORS OF THE TELEGRAPH.
That was a witty man who, being detained by
a snow blockade, penned a dispatch which ran
thus : "My dear sir, I have every motive for visit
ing you, except a locomotive." So was the other
who, under similar circumstance, telegraphed to
hla firm In New York: "I shall not be In the
office to-day, aa I have not got home yesterday
The following dispatch created no little amuse
ment In the office through which It passed:
"Charlie and Julia met al 8 's yesterday, quar
relled and parted forever; met again thla morn
ing, and parted to meet no more; met again thla
evening and were married."
An old lady in a town of Massachusetts refused
the gift of a load of wood from a tree struck by
lightning, through fear that some of tbe "fluid"
might remain in the wood and cause disaster to
her kitchen stove.
A good story Is told of a country womsn who
received a dispatch later than she expected: "It
must have been delayed on the road," said she.
"I know the wires are busy to-day, for I heard
them working aa I oame along."
EXHAUSTION FROM BRAIN WORK.
Few of our business or professional men reach
the age of forty-five without brain and nervoul
exhanstlon often to an extent that forces them
to relax effort, or abandon work for a time, if not
altogether. An occasional use of that vitalising
agent, now so widely known aa "Compound Ox
ygen," would give nature the power to restore
these wasted force In a large number of case.
Bev. D' D. Beed, of South Amboy. who was great
ly ran down by overwork, and consequent waste
of nervous energy, after being restored to hoalth
through the use of this agent, gives It this volun
tary and strong endorsement: "After a most tho
rough and oontlnned trial ef Its worth as a reme
dial and restorative agent, I pronoun oe Its value
to be above that of gold and silver. I freely and
voluntarily commend it to all brain-workers at
tbr best thing they can use to secure a restora
tion of exhausted energies." Dra. Stabkit &
Palen, nog and 1111 GIrard Street, Philadelphia,
Pa., tend their Treatise on "Compound Oxygen"
free to all who write for It. It contains a record
of many remarkable cures,
During this cold weather how muoh
Ink stand? Keokuk Constitution.
Dunno. How long can the pen holder.
Hawkeye. Woll, till the paper cut her. Cedar Falls Ga
zette. How long will the paper-weight? As long aa
the Job presses? Clear Lake Mirror.
Or perhaps till the types set.-Dee Moines Register.
Tbe family were telling riddles oao evening,
and the five-year old told this:
"Four little hopper toads sat on a tree.
Two hopped off and then were none,"
Nobody could guess It. "Well," she explained ,
"one of them hopped right back again."
"Who told you that riddle?" asked mamma,
"Nobody ," replied the little one. "I thunk It
up my self I"
xml | txt