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On square for less) 3 insertions,' 91:00 " Each adtlitional insettion, 26 " : Three mouths, - - 3:00 " Six nintitlih 5.00 Twelvemonths, - - - 8:00 Onefourtbof column peryenr, 13:00 1 half ' - " " 18:00 " olomn "... 30:00 ATI oyer a square charged as twosquares. fjAdrcrtisementt inserted till forbid at theetptUieof thadvertiser.X1 JOB WOKIf Exscnlcd at this office will: neatness age' di patch, at the lowest possible rales. , Rates of Advertising. Poetical. COME TO ME IN DREAMS. BY G. D. PRENTICE. Cots to me in bjautifnl dreams, lore, Oh eomo tn me oil, - 1 . Wueuthe Wght wiujrs of alcep, c . On my boiom licit soft, Oh coniu when thu sea, . Ia ln moou'k gentle tight, Beat low ou the ear, .v Like the pulse of the night . When lti aky and the wave, -""Wear their lorclie- bin, "rW.lHHKtbe.dair'aoai tut llowtr ''v ' , AadtUeatar'aon tbedew. . Come in beautiful dream, love- Oh! come and we'll stray, Inhere the whole year ia crowned With the blossoms of May Where each sound is as sweet As the coo of a dove, ' And the gales aro aa soft At the bre tthiujr of love) Where the bcauiK kiss the waves - And the wares kias thu bench, , And our warm lip may catch The sweet lewsun they teach. Come In beautiful dreamt, love, Oli ! eomo and we'll Uy, Like two winded spirits Of hire through the sky! With hand clasped hi hand ' On our dream wings we'll s". Where the starlight and moonlight Are blonding their glow: And on bright clouds we'll linger Through lonjr dreary hours, Till love's anjels envy . The heaven of ours. Miscellaneous MARRIED OUR DRESS-MAKER. BY MRS. V. F. TOWNSEND. "But the way is so long, Miss Soott," ear neatly pleaded the pretty little dress maker, "and ycu know I would not have remained so late, but you were so desirous that your blue dress should be finished t ti is evening. If you will lei Tout accontpiiny me we'll walk very fast and we can go and return in twenty min utes.' "But Tom must be here to wait on Hie door, I am expecting a gentleman who it not used In being announced by female waiters. You can stay all,nighl if you like," tnid the young lady, with an impatient shyness, for they were standinii in it.e ball and the night air cunie coldly through the hnlf open door. . t'Bul my mother is ill, Miss Scott, and she . would be detracted if I did not return to night. , Indeed, she will be worrying Dow about my absence." 'Well, I don't tee as I can help it, Miss Willard. Tom must be here, that's certain, and you'll have to run fas'.. Nothing will burl you, I guess. Don't forget to come lo inor ow; I'm in a hurry, and ycu must excuse me," and the young lady turned away and swept gracefully into the parlor. "What shall 1 dot I'm such a coward, loo," .murmured the poor little dressmaker, os shesiocd on the broad step of the elegant mansion, cud gazed wistfully up the broad iireet. "Will you permit me to wait upon you home, Miss ?'' The young girl started with a half suppressed shriek and fastened her half frightened eyes oil the .speaker. There was somewhat in his countenance as he fame out fioir, the shadow of the portico, and the lamplight dropped on his face, which irresisti bly won her confidence. Still she hesitated, and he answered the doubt which he had read in her blue eyes.' "I accidently overheard the conversation with Miss Scott; and," he added with a smile, "ns I came so near being the innocent ratise of your going home alone, it is bvt fair I should accompany you now." The htlle dress maker hesitated no longer. "Why, mamma bow could yon ? You will certainly catch your death siar.ding in the Oir I" . , '., "But I was so anxious, my child, thutl Could apt. stay in my roorr. What has kept yon so late I I have suffered so much, fear ing something had befallen yon." i ','Miss Soott had a dress alio wished me to .finish, mamma; and this gentleman was kind enough to accompany me home. . 1 couldn't come before. "Godwin reward you, sir. for vour kind ; nets," said the o'd woman, as she lifted her gratelul face lo the young man, but the next . moment it sank down, and had not his arms cared her, she would have fallen to the floor, Her long watch at the front door had proved loo mucn, and alia had fainted. "Do not oe-alarmed. Miss," said the young .man, in soothing tones to the terrified daugh ter, a he bore her mother into the plain but neai ly turnisned chamber. , '-Your mother has only fainted, and will re cover soon. 1 must leave her in your care ' While f go for a physician." She did not an . wr, but the craleful dance breaking thro' , the tears, which filled ber blue eyes, was far nore eloquent than any words. "Married, to our dress maktr! What an outrage opon society'! It's perfectly scandn ' lous!' Tenement! ejaculated Miss Arabella Scott, the flung, with an angry gejture.ihe morning paper serosa the room.- "If il isn't piovoking, and be, such a. catch, too, for the wealthiest and highest born In the city. And "f cmirse, he'll elevate her at once to his no- aition, and we shall ba obliged to recognize her; and the won't forget old limes either. I j .aviso jiqw I'd. lei Tom. go borne with ber that , night. -The creature I, I wonder where . he ,iifatmet whb herT Dress-making, I'll war- rant, lomBwliere r It's to exasperating, and . there's no help for it either. It'a just like a mantodoo..r Idon'tbelieve there's one out Al ten, wno oat either pride or food taste." (l , And, thank Heaven, Mm Arabella Scott, that there are rust s lew who nossess these "qualities' irl your estimation. Thank heaven! "Then moat men do prefer nobleness of soul. ; and Iruto of heart aud gentleness of chsrao . ter to. suclj women as ye. are. Way, I will Bot thus dishonor the name. . Miserable ".creatures that ye are I incarnations of pride. I and folly, and affectation not unto such shall ibegtvijit that greales', that purest, that, no .blest of appellations oman. . , . trWe once heard a rich man say, who was badly injured by being run over ' ' '"It ian'l the icoidenl that I miud; but the idea of being sun over by an infernal swill call, nates ojetuad.'; m Xi - E '. , ' III - 1 ' BY L.Q.GOULD. "Fearless and Free." $l,50per Annum InAdvanct. New Series. . . .. EATON, TREBLE COUNTY, 0. J, 21, 185G. Vol. 12,No.35. FALSE PRETENCES. This morning o rnnn of about forty years of, Jtro. with lirilliantly i.luminated neck hand- kerchicf.'and the rest ofhis costume in a gone-to-seed condition, appeared at the Police ouun nnu wameu uouuiiiiii wi:nin me oar. Some business being transacted, he waited anxiously until it was finuihed,' and then walked up to the desk, saying: . Judge I want a warrant.' The Justice, who was busy making out some 'delivery papers' for an individual who hod j'Jsl been convicted or 'something,' merely said, Eh! what?' and went on chirographing his irrevocable edicts. Alter some time, 'seedy' brotie ont again with, ' . "tiiiare.I wuiii a waiiau!.' - 'Well.'aaid the Justice very blandly, 'and what dc you want a m-arrant for?' For false pretences,' said seedy; a man 'Well, well, hut bold on.' who is the indi vidual you want to arrest!' It was Jimpson and he went and" Well, now stop,' said (he Justice, waxing impatient, 'you just answer my questions, and we'll have it straight, rvow, what did Jimp son dof 'Wall you see. Judge, he comes false pre tences on me. 1 w as just a going to roost, and you, see, Square, Jimpson met me in the hall, and says he, Lank, says hi, come into my room and have a leetle game of bluff. I toli him I know'd nothiu' abeout bluff, and he said he'd show me, and to I went in.' And what did you do then?' said tie Jus tice, becoming interested. Well, Jimpson showed me how they bet on pun, and tlicuras had the moil pari look the pile what was up. I won two or three posts, iinO l lieu Jimpson Won a small one.' Well,' said the Justice, screwing his chair nearer to the applicant for a warrant for false pretences, 'well.' 'Then Jimpon he delt, and t sware, ef that warnt four queens in my hind. I says Lank, I'll bet ten dollars on these pan and says Jimpson, says he, 'an I'll see that or, and I'll go you ten dollars better.' 'Well, go on,' said the Squire, getting more and more interested 'what then? 'Then I gut a little skeart, but I I node that four queens was a blessed good hand, 'cause Jimpson said at first that them as had the moat pan took the pot, and 1 went him ten dollars better.' 'Well, what then,' said the Justice, rising and leaning over the side of the Justice's box, what Ihenf 'Wall, Jimpson he looked at his hsnd agin, laughed, and said. I see that sr, and I'll go you twenty dollars belier and con vau beat four kingt?' says Jimpson. Thai skeart me worse n ever, as t knode four uueens couldn't beat four kings, and so I didn't bet and be took down the pile; and now I want a warrant on J impson for false pretences, You w'Hit rlhuiulaiAd the Jtttlice 'on what grounds do you claim one?' v all, Square, you see, Jimpson asked me f I could beat four kings and I knode tour queens ' Un what grounds do you claim a warrant you lost Hie money, limn t you,' said the Justice Yes, but you see I held four queens, and Jimpson asked me if I could beat four kings and 1 knode lour queens wouun I Deal tour kingi, so 1 throdu up, and he took down the pile. And lie never had four kings, and con sequently he oblained my money on false pre fences.. Give us a warrant, bquire.' 'What did Jimpson hold?' said the Squire.' "lie neerr held nothing Int two little par!" The compluinant narrowly dodged a whack from a tremenduous fist, as the Justice sank into his arm choir with a sigh while the victim went off lamenting, execrating the law tha did not ullow a man to seize the pot when he hel l four queens, and a law that permitted annlhor feller to pull down the pile, when be held but two little parv ISwJalo ICcpubue, One of the Speeches. Job Kolik was one of 'em on Ihe slump, A double barrelled throat and lungs as large as two bushel baskets, enabled linn to electa fy hit constituents up to a figliug point in less time than it would take lor a Susquehanna raft to go over Niagara rails. His grea speech, delivered in Bob Stubbs' ten acre lot. was a "crusher." ror the thesake of poster ity we cive an exlract: "Fellow citizens: You might just as well try to pry up the Atlantic ocean with a broom straw, or draw this ere slump from under my feet Willi a harnessed gad II y, as lo convince me that I ain't a gwine to beeleotedthis heal My opponent don t stand a chtnee not i sniff. Why he ain't ts intelleclooal as a com mon-sized shad. Fellars, I am a hull team with two boll dogs under the wagon and tar bucket-1 am. If there's anybody this side o' where the sun begins to blister the earth that can wallop me, let him show him self I'm'reat'y. Boys, I go in for the Amen can eagle claws, star, stripes and all; atfd may I burst my everlasting button holes, ef don't knock down, drag out and gouge every' pody as denies it.". . rrr A rather amusing scene was witnessed at Columbus, Uhio, fo&t oluce, the other mor nine- A rough, uncouth-looking customer inquired for a letter at the general delivery. He re ceived one, and nol being sure that it was him, he asked the clerk to read a few lines him. The postma-ter with his usual uibanily and natural desire to accommodate, read as fol lows! DearS . This teller comes a hoppin I take my pen in Hand lo inform you thai we are awl well, and hope you are enjoyin the same blessm. I am sorry lo hear you have been on anoiher drunken spree Stop!' shouted the attentive listener" 'stop I say. - That 'ere letter's for mt; to here's your five rents,, and foik that 'ere document over!' And amid a general laogh of the bystanders, he vanished. ' . ' ' - A Good Rkason. A faw days since, a grand jury out South ignored a bill against a huge negro for stealing chickens, and before dis charging him from custody, the iudgo bade him stand up io bo reprimanded, lieconcluded folowsi :- ,. , You liisy go now,. John. but. (shaking his finger at him.) let rne .warn yea never tc ap pear here again " . . John with delight beaming from hia big, white ores; and with a broad grin, displaying a pew row Of beaulilul ivory, replied) ... ,"I wouldn't bin dis lme, Judge, only consume ioico me." T"G a mboge, interested irl a debate, asked an ". ui 11 nt naa ipauttur . "Not replied the iuduiuant honorable: get what money I want of the t'ergeant-at- Aruns, without resorting to pawnluokers." Suffering among the Rich as well as the-Poor. When I compare together diffe tent classes a, existing at this moment in the civilized wotld. 1 cannot think the difference between tha rich Bnd the Door, in ressrd to mera nhvs- icol suffering so great as is sometimes imagiii- ej. x lia I tome ol the indigent among us die oftconty food is undoubtedly true; but, vastly mote in this community, die from eating loo much than eating too little; vastly more from eacesr than starvrtion. So, as to clothing, manv shiver from want uf defenses against the cold; but there is vastly more suffering among the rich from absurd and1 criminal modes of dress, which fashion has sanctioned, than among the poor from deficiency or raiment. by their rich aUire, tlrau our beggua by Ibeir nakedness. So the poor are ofien overwork ed; but they suffer less than many among the rich, who have no work to do, no interesting object to fill up life, to satisfy the infinite cravings of man for action. According lo our present modes of education; how many of our daughters are victims of ennui a misery un known to the poor, and more intolerable than the weariness of excessive toil. The idle young man, spending the day in exhibiting hisperson in ma street, "uglit not to excite the envy of the overtasked poor ; and this cumberer of the ground is found exclusively Dr. Channing. Every House has its Skeleton. How vaiious are the modes by which men seek to plant their gardens of earthly delight Ona expects his in the abundance of bis wealth. No sooner, however, has he gone through tha labor of accumulating it than his constitution is wasted, and he finds his grave n place of the Eden opon which his fancy had so longiuu a riot. Another hopes for bis gar den amid the distinctions of intellectual preeminence, for which he feels himself endowed by nature, and to acquire which he spends years of laborious study, till at length he rules the empire of miud with undisputed away. But is his garden without a sepulchre ? noth ing to disturb his repose ? nothing to remind him that he was not born lor this world, bji for eternity f Alas, I havo seen an end of all perfection. He that increaseth knowledge increased! lorrow. "Lo" says Solomon, "1 am come to great estate, and have gotten me more wisdom than all they that have been be lore me in Jerusalem: Ves, myjieart h great experience of wisdom and knowledge. and I gave my heart to know wisdom, and to know lolly and madness. I perceived thct this, also, is vexation of 'spirit; for in much wisdom there is much grief." The young have the fond anticipations, of which nothing can cure them but the rugged realities of an embittered experience, or the vision of their sepulchre in their flowery field of real or im aginary delights. An article appeared some years eeo, entitled "A House with a tSkele tort," deUiliwv Ida mlmf of a imtf dtfniwd model of happiness above all others in Venice, till, upon inquiry the wife took one who was curious to pry into the secrets of her bliss into an upper room and exposed lo Mew the ghast ly skeleton of her lormer lover, whom her husband had killed out of revenge, and pre served bis body in that form to rebuke her wandering affections. Thus every house has its skeleton, every garden its sepulchrn. a I JTAmong all the good traits in the charac ter of that remarkable woman, Mrs. Parting ton, who it must be admitted does some times twist the 'King's English' out of shape is generous, charitable, catholic spirit. It shown in the following letter. There is lesson in it for many who speak more grama tically than she. She says : Dca Friends. Your letter inviting me ba with you at Christmas, made me feel very kappiful. 1 am not one of your Christmas neither; because I have always been lo Pres byterinn church, where the gospel was dispens ed with according to their tenants, and Christ mas was always thought lo be a relic of Ro manism the bad women of Babbling men tioned in the scriptcr but it always seemed pleasant like lo see the green hamlock and '.he underbrush desecrating the windows the church folks, end Ihe laughing voices that time made me feel happier to hear it though old Mrs. Wiggin she that was Tolly Neat, caught a tomantic affection in her back and had an. embargo in her shoulder setting at a window witching the sinners, as called ern, over the bunds opposite, as they were untieing, she was a very envious crea ture. Thank heaven there ain't anything en viable about me. 1 an glad lo see the old differences of reli gious se.us melting away like grafting wax Christian fire, and I hope good fruit' II spring up from it like Philadelphia pippins on quince stalk. I am not very old, I am not octagm nor a ceninrien, but I have lived long enough lo see great change;, and be glad 'em. I am sorry I can't be with you, for my eyes warms towards you like butter in the sun. Yon will please excuse little imperfect nesses, for I thought 1 must write something, if il wasn't so sensible, like a good many oth ers. 1 hope you will have a nice time, with all your stockings brim full. Yours, most affectively, RUTH PARTINGTON. Beautiful and True. In a late article in Fraxier'a Magazine, this brief but beautiful passage occurs : "hducation does not commence with the alphabet. It begins with a mother's look with a fathers smile of approbation or sign of reprool with suiter's feulle pressure of the hand, or a brother a noble act of forbearance with birds' nest admired, but not touohed with creeping ants, and almost imperceptible emmenta with humming bees and class bee hives with pleasont walks in shady lanes and with thoughts directed in sweet nd kind ly tones, and words to mature to acts of be nevolence, to deeds ol virtue, andlo the sense of all gojd to Uod himself." as de "I , MXSmith and Brown, runningbppoaile ways round a corner, struck each other. ' "Oh, dear I" said Smith, "how you made ruy head ring." ,.... "Thai's a sign it's hollow," said B. .. . "Didn't yours ring ?" said Smith. "No." ' J - ' - . That's a sign it's cracked." , ' r , ' . . . ; '- ' ). " , - fj-"No one would take you for what you are,' said an old-fashioned gentleman, a day or two a?o, to s dandy, who had more' bair '.ban brains. "Why ?" was immediately asked. "Because they can't see your ears." rfrTbe meanest man in tbe world lives in West Trot-. In helping him out of the river once, a man tore the collar of his coat. The next day basued him for astault and battery, Queer Employment. ;irelty good one the other day, ik merits a wider circulation yet . The story ru ns that tome osier went into a fancy store in unt of a situation, ir or head clerk was sitting in sow, whh his feet comfortably the (able, and contemplating frehf which v than ft h honest f, Ciacinni The P' the coun cocked ti human 1 cigar si) Our '. as folio IW- ' ougb the softening influence of ' friend addressed birn modestly, it a band about your establish- 'J op indifferently, but seeing 'ilJabsspn.JJin out ofbiui. tone answered very briskly, at Ihe same ima pulling out a large and cosily band kerchief, and biowinx ma note on ii. "Yes, sir; what sort of s situation uo you wantl'i j "Well," said the Hoosier,t;Tm not partic ular I'm out of work, and almost any thinv'l) do mt for a while." "Yes, Well, I can give you a situation, if il will suit yoo," and he made another deposit in the handkerchief. What is it? What is to be done, and what do you aive?" inquired the other. - "Well." was the answer, "I want hands to chew rags into paper, and it yon are wining io sat in, you may begin ai ence." "Good as the wheal," exctaimea me noos ier. "hand over vour rags." "Here.'.wts the rejoinder, "tarse mis nana- Verchief and commence with il." Hoosie r ssw the "sell," end quie'ly patting the handkerchief int bis pocket, remarked as he turned logo out: "Warn J eel it chewtd, llrangtr. I'll letch it back '."Iniumapolie Journal. Wholesome Advice. a Keen your mouth shut, all you that will keen late hours these cold winter nighis, in crowded, healed rooms, until animal vigor and mental sprightlinessL are axliausted, ona yei you nfusl breast theTileak winds of January to 20 home.' I see nothing amiss in the res tivilies of friends and neighDors, suu K in urea, these long winter evenings, better than mo nine at home; nothing amiss ia the glad re unions of the young and cherry-hearted, even though they be extended, one in a while to the wee abort hours ayant -the twal. I love to see gladness in all, at any hour of the twenty-four; but to do these things safelyand lone, make it a practice to observe two or three simnlo and easy precautions. Before vou leave bundleup well; gloves, cloak, com forter: shut your mouth before you open Ihe stieet door, end keep it resolutely closed until you have walked briskly for some ten mm ules: then, if yon keep on walking, or hae reached your home, you may talk as much as yon pleasej. Not so doing, many a heart once happy fcfjfoias'"! lies ii). the church yard. But how? If vou keep your mouth doted. and walk rapidly, the air can only reach the lungs by Ihe circuit of the nose and head, and beoomes warm before reaching the lungs, thus causing no derangement; but if you converse, large drafts Of cold air dash directly in upon the lungs, Chi ling the whole Irame almost in stantly. The brisk walking throws the blood to the surface of the body, thus keeping up a vigorous circualion, making a cold impossi ble, ii ycu don't get into a cold bed too quick after vou get home. Neglect of these, brings sickness and premature death to multitude? every year. Vonmuio Health. A Letter from an Ohio Legislator. a to of of v The Columbus correspondent of the Cler mont Sun says -the l!iowing is a copy of letter from-a member of the Legislature to a hotel-keener in Columbut: Mr. of ihe Hotel Collumbus Ohio i waunl you tomaik way forme at your hotel So i can have a rumo on the fust flora. I suppose youre hous air lew stories hi besides ine sclior at I want my rume next me kiich un i reckun i will want tbe rume while the legislaeter meats of which onerabel body iam a member and i live next ine line ov the stau ov indyanyin the Stai'.of Ohio, the onerabel members in ihe Siait ov indyany las year paid a dolerand a i for board pur weak but Ihen viltles were hyer then nur now and i think 7ou ort to do a trifle betttr i want one or to cheers in the rame anJ a bute jao and my butesblakedonst a weak on aoundies, G. R. L. "P. S. rite positively & say if i can ret the rume di-eckt yore letter to the kare of the Secretary of Dauyil Bune counsel in this county as they told me when i was nominated to let tbem see all mi poiiiik.it cornsponduns, G. R. L. A Green Yankee. an of The editor of the Knickerbocker, says, should like you lo have seen a specimen of a green yankee who came down the sound Hartford steamer with me. He had never been io'AffV before, and he was asking qucs lions of eSrJTvbody on board the boat. How ever it was "green as grass" lie was picking up a good deal 01 inlormalion which win doubtless stand him in good stead hereafter One of his companions struck me as decided v oriental: "Up the Northampton," said he, "I took bieak fast, and they taxed me tew shillin's 'twas s pretty good price, but I gin it to em 'Twas enough, anyway. Well when I came down to Hartford, I took breakfast agin, ner.1 rr.ornin'. and when I asked 'em bow much they looked at me and said half a dollar. looked back at them pooty sharp but I paid it, and after I paid it. 1 sot down and cypher ed nn inside bow much it would cost I feller to board long ai thai raie; anu 1 ten yon wnu I pooly soon found eout lhat 'lore the end 01 month, it would make a fellow's pocket book look as if an elephant bad itomp'a on u: ' Sam Slick himself never enjoyed a more striking simile. , The Last Invention. The New Orleans Sun tells of a machine which hoe been inven led "out South," which enables a man to tell whan he it getting too drunk lo walk. It called a fudUlemtuter, and gives timely warn ing by hitting a fellow suddenly under the short ribs lbs moment ne has got onougn ' "Soitr-TiiiNO Ewi." The Lynn News tells a food story of two boys, one of whom was boasting of the beauties of his father's house "It's got cupola," said he, "and ii's go ing to have something else." "What ia it?" asked bis interested compa ion. ' ' "Why, I heard father tell mother this mor ning, that in going to have a mortgage gX"I say, Bill, Jim'a caged for stealing horse." "Sarved hint right, why didn't ha buy one and no( pay for it, like aay other gentle maul" A Hard Shell Sermon. A friend in Lexington Ky., (much, very much, did it griot us, while in Louisville, lhat we couldn't go there, and t Frankfort, nd Aelilantt, with a party of friends, to par take of the true Keutuckyihosp tality.of which we have had such a foretaste, see Ihe blooded call!, and the IHIuegrass Farms," represent ed aa we were told, evea feebly bv the rich acres of "Humer's Button," on Ihe Kentucky side of the Uhio liver got to get back again, now, to the beginning nf this sentence.) a friend then as we have said, in Lexington Ky. sends np the following "Hard Shell Baplitt Sermon," winch heavers to be genuine, and forwards ns in proof, the name of the speaker, nndof bit reporter. Il almost equals io close-. ness 01 argument anil stickiness 10 lext, tbe spontaneous droits of (he clerical hero who played upon a 'Harpof a Thounmd Slringe!' "My Breethering: The scripture, tells us we are buried with Christ in baptism.' 'Bu ried,' my friends, not 'tprinkled' by baptism. 'Suppose thai one of you had lust a little da'hter, and you had laid her out, and pre pared her for Ihe grave; and your neighbor had come in and ssid: 'Friend, we will take thy child and bury it;' and afterwards when you went out to ree the grave of your little one, you found they had laid her down and tprinkled a little earth over her! What would you have thunk of tnem ? Suppose again, that in the fall of the year you had dug your potatoes, your turnips, your parsnips, and your other roots for the winter's use, and had dug a trench to bury 'em in; nd you had said to your servant, Sally, take the house-gang and go and bury those pota toes, those turnips, those parsnips, and those other roots, and afterwards, when you walked forth to see that all were safe and secure for the winter's use, you had found that they had just tprinkled a littledirton them! What my friends, would you have done? Iraether suppose, my dear breelberen, you would ba' tried the virtews of the cow-skin I "But they are not a bit worse than those poor ignorant, and benighten Episcupalians nd fresbytenans.and Methodists.whospnnk les a little water on each other, and call it burted' by baptism. "I am arraid, my friends, I am very much fraid, indeed, that they will catch something hotter than the eowskin in the day of reckon- Knickerbocker. A Congratulation to the Doctors. Doctors, one and all from the beardless M . just out of college, to the gray-headed man whose horse ana gig have become fixtures in our good old Boston streets we congratulate you. Your hands will be full before the first f May your pills will be called for, your piasters in requisition. Mix your cough sirups bythe hogsheads; lou will have plenty of calls lor tnem. rne laaies are preparing for you they wm oe nappy to see you. They are ro mi .n scores to the fashionable shoe shons. and buying oh, such dear, tiny, sweet, ex quisite little shoes, with soles as thin as al most as thin as a sixpence a well-worn one and ihey are gong about these cold.snowv, wel, Sloppy sireets, with lurs that cost thirty and fifty dollars bundled about neck and shoulders, with thick cloaks and warm dress es, and those dear little shoes "peeping in and out" like "little mice." So, there you see your work is oil cut out. Consumption is on a hard gallop, behind 'Death and the pule horse." and when he sees tnese ile$ of paper, he cries with chuckle "there's anotherone" and forthwith ets an arrow into the side. Oh. foolish eirl. go learn of the brothers. Look at their shoes and Ihen at thine. Do you dread Ihe sight of a doctor ? He will be welcome, soon, when hat arrow has rankled long enough to fester n the wound, and the terrible cough, and the wasung 01 nesn, ihe Hollow eyes, the nerve ess tread call lor his daily care. Boston Ol ive Branch. A Piggish Illustration. I A country girl, several of wbose'sislers bad married badly, was about, herself lo lake the noose. How dare you get married," asked a cousin of hers, "alter having before you tbe unfortu nate example of your sisters I" "A fudge for the example of mv sislers !" exclaimed the girl with spirit"! choose to make trial myceii. Did you ever veea par cel of pigs running to a trough of hot swill ? Ihe lirst one sticks in 1,1s nose, gets it scald ed, and then draws it back and squeals. The second burns bis nose.aud stands squealing in ihe same manner. The third follows suit, and he squeals too. But still it makes no dif ference with those behind. They never take a warning of those before, but all. in turn. thrusts in their noses, just ss it the first hadn't got burnt or squealed at all. So it is with girls in regard to matrimony; and now, cous in, 1 nope you are satisfied." Mistake of a night. 1 The following ludicrous incident occurred recently on board Ihe night train from New York. Two married couple took their seats in the cars at New York, bound for Boston, in close proximnity, and ahout e.ght o'clock they olh indulged in balmy slumbers, the head of their wives resl ing 'upon their hus band's shoulders. When the cars reached Worcester, the gentlemen stepped out, and the ladies apnarently exhausted, slept on.- The delay was brief, and on entering the cars, the husband's whose were scarcely open ed, exchanged seats, and in a few moments resumed their natural po'ilions, and were in the land of dreams. AtFramingham the ears stopped again, when one of the ladier asked W ill you have time to give me a drink water here ?" The affrighled gentleman not recognising the music of his wife's voice' exclaimed: By heavens, have 1 made a mistake? This isn't Tilly 1" "No," exclaimed the lady, "and you a'nt my husband!" "Perhaps we had belter change seals." ex claimed the husband in the seat immediately in the rear, who had awoke, "for there's slight mistake here" The second lady, too mach fatigued, did not awake, snd as ine temporary husband en deavored to shift hia burthen so ts to move, she merely ejaculated impatiently: "Do keep tun 1 on OTA notoriously mean man having offended a down-east yankee, was addressed by the latter in a long tirade which concluded in the follnwingoaustro terms: "Your little soul would have as much play in a mustard pot, aa a pickerel in laka Lrie, and would raitiv like a , kernel or corn in barn. Awfully in lovs A New England chap went to California sometime tgo and left gal behind. The Qeoree Law brought her his nrsi letter, which is actually said to com prise one hundred snd forty-six closely-wnl ' tea pages of letter paper. Cljf peruirat. i pubjishedevery Thursday aumln; is' If W gfasonir Hall, second story of the brick build ag weit ofC. Varwusdsl & Co's store, Slain, Street, Eaton, Obio, at the folloa irgrstei ; ' Sl:60 peraunum, in advaact, $t?00: '""not P'1' within the rear, and $2:60 after the year has expired. ITTIiese rates will bt rigidly m forced. No paper discontinaed until allsrrearncertre- paid unless a tthe option oft he pa blither, ITNo communication' inserted, UDletiaC- eeaipanied by a responsible name. Mistake of a night. Pen Paste & Scissors. I : of a hia ID-is thatstlCbl my Ir, ITViitue bringsi'J own reward. UTA Discontented Family Poverty. Prida ' and Laziness. The most Difficult Ascent. Ge'.ting hp a subscription. OTA Codfish breakfast and an India rubber coat ill keep a man dry all dry. (ttr Which is the best to ni'ke a eoat last ? Why, make Ibe vest and trousers firs'. CrA quarter of an ounce of lea wilt draw ten women together a gill of ale, two men. 0"lf yo wish to get "teeth inserted," en and steal fruit where they keep a big bull dog.' 0"A spindle-shanked dandy is palpably a vagrant, inasmuch tile has no visible weans fsupport. 0"lt is all around my hat," as the hypo crite said when lie put ou mourning Cor hia departed, wife. trrA writer in Putnam'o Magazine r avi: . "I wish I were a nigger." He probably would hot require much alteration. ftTA lady asked her physician if snuff waa injurious to the brains. "No," said he "for nobody who lias any brains never lakes snuff. Had Ur Our Devilxnys, that if Printing Offices were selling for fifty cents a dozen, he couldn't raise money enough to buy a ilwotiwr' ttick. IT"'t is very curious," said an old gentle man, a few days since to bis friend, "thai a watch should be perfectly dry hen it haj a running tpring inside." 0"A boy at school in the West, when call ed to recite his lesson in history, was asked : "What is German Diet?' Sour krout, pret zels, schnapps, blut wurst and lager beer," - was me repiy. rjT"Shon," said a Dutchman, "vou may say what you please 'bout bad neighbors as never was. Mine pigs anJ mine hens comes home mil derears split, tedder day two of dam come borne missing." JX"Go it, old fellow," said two idle scape graces, to an honest lohore' at work. "Work tway while we play sow and we'll reap.' verg iiKtiy, my lans," relied Ibe old man. coolly, "lam sowing hemp." ITT"I have lost my appetite," said a gigan tic Irish gentleman, and an eminent performer on the trencher, to Mark Supple. "I bope," said Supple, "no poor man has found it, for it would ruin him Tor ever, EJ-A lady who had refused to give, after hearing a charity sermon, had her pocket picked as she left the church. On making the discovery she said, "If God con id not find the way into my pockst, Satan could." CouaT Examination. Mogistrate what brought you here sir? Prisoner Two police men, please yer honor. M Then I suppose liquor had something to do with it? P. Yes, yer honor, they weie both awful drunk, jj-A rich jour printer has been discovered out west. He is being exhibited with ring- . tailed monkeys, wild hogs, shaved horses three-legged calves tud other trinkets. Bar num should purchase the troup of comicali tits. The rich jour alone is woith the whole batch. 0A person having purchased a wild tur key, was extolling the goodness of wild fowl in general, and observed thai in proportion to the ngilily of the animal, so was his meat the belter. An individual who overheard the ob servation, replied "Fleas must be excellent then.' ILTHe who is passionate and hasty is gener ally honest. It is you; cool, dissembling hyp ocrite of whom you should beware. "There is no deception in a bull-dog." It is only the cur that sneaks up and bites you when your bock is turned. Practical "Fcsiok!" James Thompson has been convicted in Binoklyn N. Y., and sent to the Penitentiary for three years and four months, for having two wives a white and a black one. Fusion papers, please copy, with comments. ETA constable pursued a thief, who took reluge on a stump in a swamp, and pulled the roil afier him on which he went out. The constable made the following return: "Sight able conversible non est comatable in swampuu up stumpum ratio." rrThe King of the Cannibal Islands thus. eloquently addresses his life-guard on the sub ject of agitation: "Mjhiu pg nz tpvm! Jg zpv zru mewrzpvs voxpsuiz tmpwf, tfocn mjof. Nz if bsu jt csf bljoh xjui hsjfg boe mpofniioflt, gps xjuipvu uifi mjgt jt esf bs." ftrShun a man who doesn't pay hia com pliments to the ladies. He who is wantiog in honor towards curls and corsets, will invaria bly attempt to dodge the grocer, tailor and butcher. . Faithlessness to the diminity insti tution is a sure sign of a want of principle, pi ety and a good "bringing up." 0Mrs. Partington having Jnst completed the furniture fixens of ber country mansion or tnut-too (chateau,) says' 'that she has a fay rack in Ihe hall, a squatto man on the ttare- way, a So-pua and a slide-board in the Dinah- room, a century-table in the parlor, and 'The Seven Mile Mirror' on the aiaiitel-piece.' rrrThe Buffalo Express soys the author of this rhyme deserves to be "nipped by untime ly frosts:" ' l is winter, and no more the bretsea Bus among the budding trreezes, . And wile boys with ragged trowses, Shivering homeward drives the cowtes, Newly frost bit are his loses, ' And bless my life how cold his nose is! An exorter in a church in Brooklyn, daring prayer meetings, carries s pack of cards in his pocaei ni own ousiness eards--and when penitents come forward to the snxious seat, be writes a Ssriptiire text upon each card, and offers them to the convicted sinners for special contemplation. This kills two birds with one stone ad veriises hia business and comforts the souls of Ihe contrite; and the good brother finds religious matters lo py extremely weit. A SoMnrastT. A tipsy customer, who was seated on Ihe box with ttage driver, swayed until be tumbled i ff. The mud was deep and he fell soft. "There, now I" he exclaimed, as he crawled out of tbe slough; "I knew yon would upset if you didn't take care." On be ing told that they had not upset, he echoed in amazement. "Mot upset! If I bad known" that I wouldn't have got off!"