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Eaton Democrat. [volume] (Eaton, Ohio) 1843-1856, February 21, 1856, Image 1

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Rates of Advertising.
On square for less) 3 insertions,' 91:00
" Each adtlitional insettion, 26
" : Three mouths, - - 3:00
" Six nintitlih 5.00
Twelvemonths, - - - 8:00
Onefourtbof column peryenr, 13:00
1 half ' - " " 18:00
" olomn "... 30:00
ATI oyer a square charged as twosquares.
fjAdrcrtisementt inserted till forbid at
theetptUieof thadvertiser.X1
Exscnlcd at this office will: neatness age' di
patch, at the lowest possible rales. ,
Rates of Advertising. Poetical.
Cots to me in bjautifnl dreams, lore,
Oh eomo tn me oil, - 1
. Wueuthe Wght wiujrs of alcep, c .
On my boiom licit soft,
Oh coniu when thu sea, .
Ia ln moou'k gentle tight,
Beat low ou the ear,
.v Like the pulse of the night
. When lti aky and the wave,
-""Wear their lorclie- bin,
"rW.lHHKtbe.dair'aoai tut llowtr ''v '
, AadtUeatar'aon tbedew. .
Come in beautiful dream, love-
Oh! come and we'll stray,
Inhere the whole year ia crowned
With the blossoms of May
Where each sound is as sweet
As the coo of a dove,
' And the gales aro aa soft
At the bre tthiujr of love)
Where the bcauiK kiss the waves
- And the wares kias thu bench,
, And our warm lip may catch
The sweet lewsun they teach.
Come In beautiful dreamt, love,
Oli ! eomo and we'll Uy,
Like two winded spirits
Of hire through the sky!
With hand clasped hi hand '
On our dream wings we'll s".
Where the starlight and moonlight
Are blonding their glow:
And on bright clouds we'll linger
Through lonjr dreary hours,
Till love's anjels envy .
The heaven of ours.
"But the way is so long, Miss Soott," ear
neatly pleaded the pretty little dress maker,
"and ycu know I would not have remained so
late, but you were so desirous that your blue
dress should be finished t ti is evening. If you
will lei Tout accontpiiny me we'll walk very
fast and we can go and return in twenty min
utes.' "But Tom must be here to wait on Hie door,
I am expecting a gentleman who it not used
In being announced by female waiters. You
can stay all,nighl if you like," tnid the young
lady, with an impatient shyness, for they
were standinii in it.e ball and the night air
cunie coldly through the hnlf open door.
. t'Bul my mother is ill, Miss Scott, and she
. would be detracted if I did not return to
night. , Indeed, she will be worrying Dow
about my absence."
'Well, I don't tee as I can help it, Miss
Willard. Tom must be here, that's certain,
and you'll have to run fas'.. Nothing will
burl you, I guess. Don't forget to come lo
inor ow; I'm in a hurry, and ycu must excuse
me," and the young lady turned away and
swept gracefully into the parlor.
"What shall 1 dot I'm such a coward,
loo," .murmured the poor little dressmaker,
os shesiocd on the broad step of the elegant
mansion, cud gazed wistfully up the broad
"Will you permit me to wait upon you
home, Miss ?'' The young girl started with
a half suppressed shriek and fastened her
half frightened eyes oil the .speaker. There
was somewhat in his countenance as he fame
out fioir, the shadow of the portico, and the
lamplight dropped on his face, which irresisti
bly won her confidence. Still she hesitated,
and he answered the doubt which he had read
in her blue eyes.'
"I accidently overheard the conversation
with Miss Scott; and," he added with a smile,
"ns I came so near being the innocent ratise
of your going home alone, it is bvt fair I should
accompany you now."
The htlle dress maker hesitated no longer.
"Why, mamma bow could yon ? You will
certainly catch your death siar.ding in the
Oir I" . ,
'., "But I was so anxious, my child, thutl
Could apt. stay in my roorr. What has kept
yon so late I I have suffered so much, fear
ing something had befallen yon."
i ','Miss Soott had a dress alio wished me to
.finish, mamma; and this gentleman was kind
enough to accompany me home. . 1 couldn't
come before.
"Godwin reward you, sir. for vour kind
; nets," said the o'd woman, as she lifted her
gratelul face lo the young man, but the next
. moment it sank down, and had not his arms
cared her, she would have fallen to the floor,
Her long watch at the front door had proved
loo mucn, and alia had fainted.
"Do not oe-alarmed. Miss," said the young
.man, in soothing tones to the terrified daugh
ter, a he bore her mother into the plain but
neai ly turnisned chamber.
, '-Your mother has only fainted, and will re
cover soon. 1 must leave her in your care
' While f go for a physician." She did not an
. wr, but the craleful dance breaking thro'
, the tears, which filled ber blue eyes, was far
nore eloquent than any words.
"Married, to our dress maktr! What an
outrage opon society'! It's perfectly scandn
' lous!' Tenement! ejaculated Miss Arabella
Scott, the flung, with an angry gejture.ihe
morning paper serosa the room.- "If il isn't
piovoking, and be, such a. catch, too, for the
wealthiest and highest born In the city. And
"f cmirse, he'll elevate her at once to his no-
aition, and we shall ba obliged to recognize
her; and the won't forget old limes either. I
j .aviso jiqw I'd. lei Tom. go borne with ber that
, night. -The creature I, I wonder where . he
,iifatmet whb herT Dress-making, I'll war-
rant, lomBwliere r It's to exasperating, and
. there's no help for it either. It'a just like a
mantodoo..r Idon'tbelieve there's one out
Al ten, wno oat either pride or food taste."
(l , And, thank Heaven, Mm Arabella Scott,
that there are rust s lew who nossess these
"qualities' irl your estimation. Thank heaven!
"Then moat men do prefer nobleness of soul.
; and Iruto of heart aud gentleness of chsrao
. ter to. suclj women as ye. are. Way, I will
Bot thus dishonor the name. . Miserable
".creatures that ye are I incarnations of pride.
I and folly, and affectation not unto such shall
ibegtvijit that greales', that purest, that, no
.blest of appellations oman. . , .
trWe once heard a rich man say, who was
badly injured by being run over
' ' '"It ian'l the icoidenl that I miud; but the
idea of being sun over by an infernal swill
call, nates ojetuad.';
Xi -
'. , ' III - 1 '
BY L.Q.GOULD. "Fearless and Free." $l,50per Annum InAdvanct.
New Series. . . .. EATON, TREBLE COUNTY, 0. J, 21, 185G. Vol. 12,No.35.
This morning o rnnn of about forty years of,
Jtro. with lirilliantly i.luminated neck hand-
kerchicf.'and the rest ofhis costume in a
gone-to-seed condition, appeared at the Police
ouun nnu wameu uouuiiiiii wi:nin me oar.
Some business being transacted, he waited
anxiously until it was finuihed,' and then
walked up to the desk, saying: .
Judge I want a warrant.'
The Justice, who was busy making out
some 'delivery papers' for an individual who
hod j'Jsl been convicted or 'something,' merely
said, Eh! what?' and went on chirographing
his irrevocable edicts. Alter some time, 'seedy'
brotie ont again with, ' .
"tiiiare.I wuiii a waiiau!.' -
'Well.'aaid the Justice very blandly, 'and
what dc you want a m-arrant for?'
For false pretences,' said seedy; a man
'Well, well, hut bold on.' who is the indi
vidual you want to arrest!'
It was Jimpson and he went and"
Well, now stop,' said (he Justice, waxing
impatient, 'you just answer my questions, and
we'll have it straight, rvow, what did Jimp
son dof
'Wall you see. Judge, he comes false pre
tences on me. 1 w as just a going to roost, and
you, see, Square, Jimpson met me in the hall,
and says he, Lank, says hi, come into my
room and have a leetle game of bluff. I toli
him I know'd nothiu' abeout bluff, and he
said he'd show me, and to I went in.'
And what did you do then?' said tie Jus
tice, becoming interested.
Well, Jimpson showed me how they bet on
pun, and tlicuras had the moil pari look the
pile what was up. I won two or three posts,
iinO l lieu Jimpson Won a small one.'
Well,' said the Justice, screwing his chair
nearer to the applicant for a warrant for false
pretences, 'well.'
'Then Jimpon he delt, and t sware, ef that
warnt four queens in my hind. I says Lank,
I'll bet ten dollars on these pan and says
Jimpson, says he, 'an I'll see that or, and I'll
go you ten dollars better.'
'Well, go on,' said the Squire, getting more
and more interested 'what then?
'Then I gut a little skeart, but I I node that
four queens was a blessed good hand, 'cause
Jimpson said at first that them as had the moat
pan took the pot, and 1 went him ten dollars
'Well, what then,' said the Justice, rising
and leaning over the side of the Justice's box,
what Ihenf
'Wall, Jimpson he looked at his hsnd agin,
laughed, and said. I see that sr, and I'll go
you twenty dollars belier and con vau beat
four kingt?' says Jimpson. Thai skeart me
worse n ever, as t knode four uueens couldn't
beat four kings, and so I didn't bet and be
took down the pile; and now I want a warrant
on J impson for false pretences,
You w'Hit rlhuiulaiAd the Jtttlice
'on what grounds do you claim one?'
v all, Square, you see, Jimpson asked me
f I could beat four kings and I knode tour
queens '
Un what grounds do you claim a warrant
you lost Hie money, limn t you,' said the
Yes, but you see I held four queens, and
Jimpson asked me if I could beat four kings
and 1 knode lour queens wouun I Deal tour
kingi, so 1 throdu up, and he took down the
pile. And lie never had four kings, and con
sequently he oblained my money on false pre
fences.. Give us a warrant, bquire.'
'What did Jimpson hold?' said the Squire.'
"lie neerr held nothing Int two little par!"
The compluinant narrowly dodged a whack
from a tremenduous fist, as the Justice sank
into his arm choir with a sigh while the victim
went off lamenting, execrating the law tha
did not ullow a man to seize the pot when he
hel l four queens, and a law that permitted
annlhor feller to pull down the pile, when be
held but two little parv ISwJalo ICcpubue,
One of the Speeches.
Job Kolik was one of 'em on Ihe slump,
A double barrelled throat and lungs as large
as two bushel baskets, enabled linn to electa
fy hit constituents up to a figliug point in less
time than it would take lor a Susquehanna
raft to go over Niagara rails. His grea
speech, delivered in Bob Stubbs' ten acre lot.
was a "crusher." ror the thesake of poster
ity we cive an exlract:
"Fellow citizens: You might just as well
try to pry up the Atlantic ocean with a broom
straw, or draw this ere slump from under my
feet Willi a harnessed gad II y, as lo convince
me that I ain't a gwine to beeleotedthis heal
My opponent don t stand a chtnee not i
sniff. Why he ain't ts intelleclooal as a com
mon-sized shad. Fellars, I am a hull team
with two boll dogs under the wagon and
tar bucket-1 am. If there's anybody this
side o' where the sun begins to blister the
earth that can wallop me, let him show him
self I'm'reat'y. Boys, I go in for the Amen
can eagle claws, star, stripes and all; atfd
may I burst my everlasting button holes, ef
don't knock down, drag out and gouge every'
pody as denies it.". .
rrr A rather amusing scene was witnessed
at Columbus, Uhio, fo&t oluce, the other mor
A rough, uncouth-looking customer inquired
for a letter at the general delivery. He re
ceived one, and nol being sure that it was
him, he asked the clerk to read a few lines
The postma-ter with his usual uibanily and
natural desire to accommodate, read as fol
lows! DearS . This teller comes a hoppin
I take my pen in Hand lo inform you thai we
are awl well, and hope you are enjoyin the
same blessm. I am sorry lo hear you have
been on anoiher drunken spree
Stop!' shouted the attentive listener" 'stop
I say. - That 'ere letter's for mt; to here's
your five rents,, and foik that 'ere document
And amid a general laogh of the bystanders,
he vanished. ' . ' '
- A Good Rkason. A faw days since, a grand
jury out South ignored a bill against a huge
negro for stealing chickens, and before dis
charging him from custody, the iudgo bade him
stand up io bo reprimanded, lieconcluded
folowsi :- ,. ,
You liisy go now,. John. but. (shaking his
finger at him.) let rne .warn yea never tc ap
pear here again " . .
John with delight beaming from hia big,
white ores; and with a broad grin, displaying
a pew row Of beaulilul ivory, replied) ...
,"I wouldn't bin dis lme, Judge, only
consume ioico me."
T"G a mboge, interested irl a debate, asked
an ". ui 11 nt naa ipauttur .
"Not replied the iuduiuant honorable:
get what money I want of the t'ergeant-at-
Aruns, without resorting to pawnluokers."
Suffering among the Rich as well as the-Poor.
When I compare together diffe tent classes
a, existing at this moment in the civilized
wotld. 1 cannot think the difference between
tha rich Bnd the Door, in ressrd to mera nhvs-
icol suffering so great as is sometimes imagiii-
ej. x lia I tome ol the indigent among us die
oftconty food is undoubtedly true; but, vastly
mote in this community, die from eating loo
much than eating too little; vastly more from
eacesr than starvrtion. So, as to clothing,
manv shiver from want uf defenses against the
cold; but there is vastly more suffering among
the rich from absurd and1 criminal modes of
dress, which fashion has sanctioned, than
among the poor from deficiency or raiment.
by their rich aUire, tlrau our beggua by Ibeir
nakedness. So the poor are ofien overwork
ed; but they suffer less than many among the
rich, who have no work to do, no interesting
object to fill up life, to satisfy the infinite
cravings of man for action. According lo our
present modes of education; how many of our
daughters are victims of ennui a misery un
known to the poor, and more intolerable than
the weariness of excessive toil. The idle
young man, spending the day in exhibiting
hisperson in ma street, "uglit not to excite
the envy of the overtasked poor ; and this
cumberer of the ground is found exclusively
Dr. Channing.
Every House has its Skeleton.
How vaiious are the modes by which men
seek to plant their gardens of earthly delight
Ona expects his in the abundance of bis
wealth. No sooner, however, has he gone
through tha labor of accumulating it than his
constitution is wasted, and he finds his grave
n place of the Eden opon which his fancy had
so longiuu a riot. Another hopes for bis gar
den amid the distinctions of intellectual preeminence,
for which he feels himself endowed
by nature, and to acquire which he spends
years of laborious study, till at length he rules
the empire of miud with undisputed away.
But is his garden without a sepulchre ? noth
ing to disturb his repose ? nothing to remind
him that he was not born lor this world, bji
for eternity f Alas, I havo seen an end of
all perfection. He that increaseth knowledge
increased! lorrow. "Lo" says Solomon, "1
am come to great estate, and have gotten me
more wisdom than all they that have been be
lore me in Jerusalem: Ves, myjieart h
great experience of wisdom and knowledge.
and I gave my heart to know wisdom, and to
know lolly and madness. I perceived thct
this, also, is vexation of 'spirit; for in much
wisdom there is much grief." The young
have the fond anticipations, of which nothing
can cure them but the rugged realities of an
embittered experience, or the vision of their
sepulchre in their flowery field of real or im
aginary delights. An article appeared some
years eeo, entitled "A House with a tSkele
tort," deUiliwv Ida mlmf of a imtf dtfniwd
model of happiness above all others in Venice,
till, upon inquiry the wife took one who was
curious to pry into the secrets of her bliss into
an upper room and exposed lo Mew the ghast
ly skeleton of her lormer lover, whom her
husband had killed out of revenge, and pre
served bis body in that form to rebuke her
wandering affections. Thus every house has
its skeleton, every garden its sepulchrn.
JTAmong all the good traits in the charac
ter of that remarkable woman, Mrs. Parting
ton, who it must be admitted does some times
twist the 'King's English' out of shape is
generous, charitable, catholic spirit. It
shown in the following letter. There is
lesson in it for many who speak more grama
tically than she. She says :
Dca Friends. Your letter inviting me
ba with you at Christmas, made me feel very
kappiful. 1 am not one of your Christmas
neither; because I have always been lo Pres
byterinn church, where the gospel was dispens
ed with according to their tenants, and Christ
mas was always thought lo be a relic of Ro
manism the bad women of Babbling men
tioned in the scriptcr but it always seemed
pleasant like lo see the green hamlock and
'.he underbrush desecrating the windows
the church folks, end Ihe laughing voices
that time made me feel happier to hear it
though old Mrs. Wiggin she that was Tolly
Neat, caught a tomantic affection in her back
and had an. embargo in her shoulder setting
at a window witching the sinners, as
called ern, over the bunds opposite, as they
were untieing, she was a very envious crea
ture. Thank heaven there ain't anything en
viable about me.
1 an glad lo see the old differences of reli
gious se.us melting away like grafting wax
Christian fire, and I hope good fruit' II spring
up from it like Philadelphia pippins on
quince stalk. I am not very old, I am not
octagm nor a ceninrien, but I have lived long
enough lo see great change;, and be glad
'em. I am sorry I can't be with you, for my
eyes warms towards you like butter in the
sun. Yon will please excuse little imperfect
nesses, for I thought 1 must write something,
if il wasn't so sensible, like a good many oth
ers. 1 hope you will have a nice time, with
all your stockings brim full.
Yours, most affectively,
Beautiful and True.
In a late article in Fraxier'a Magazine, this
brief but beautiful passage occurs :
"hducation does not commence with the
alphabet. It begins with a mother's look
with a fathers smile of approbation or sign of
reprool with suiter's feulle pressure of the
hand, or a brother a noble act of forbearance
with birds' nest admired, but not touohed
with creeping ants, and almost imperceptible
emmenta with humming bees and class bee
hives with pleasont walks in shady lanes
and with thoughts directed in sweet nd kind
ly tones, and words to mature to acts of be
nevolence, to deeds ol virtue, andlo the sense
of all gojd to Uod himself."
, MXSmith and Brown, runningbppoaile ways
round a corner, struck each other. '
"Oh, dear I" said Smith, "how you made
ruy head ring." ,....
"Thai's a sign it's hollow," said B. .. .
"Didn't yours ring ?" said Smith.
"No." ' J - ' - .
That's a sign it's cracked."
, ' r , ' . . . ; '- ' ). " , -
fj-"No one would take you for what you
are,' said an old-fashioned gentleman, a day
or two a?o, to s dandy, who had more' bair
'.ban brains.
"Why ?" was immediately asked.
"Because they can't see your ears."
rfrTbe meanest man in tbe world lives in
West Trot-. In helping him out of the river
once, a man tore the collar of his coat. The
next day basued him for astault and battery,
Queer Employment.
;irelty good one the other day,
ik merits a wider circulation
yet . The story ru ns that tome
osier went into a fancy store in
unt of a situation,
ir or head clerk was sitting in
sow, whh his feet comfortably
the (able, and contemplating
which v
than ft h
honest f,
The P'
the coun
cocked ti
human 1
cigar si)
Our '.
as folio
IW- '
ougb the softening influence of
' friend addressed birn modestly,
it a band about your establish-
'J op indifferently, but seeing
'ilJabsspn.JJin out
ofbiui. tone answered very briskly, at Ihe
same ima pulling out a large and cosily band
kerchief, and biowinx ma note on ii.
"Yes, sir; what sort of s situation uo you
wantl'i j
"Well," said the Hoosier,t;Tm not partic
ular I'm out of work, and almost any
thinv'l) do mt for a while."
"Yes, Well, I can give you a situation, if il
will suit yoo," and he made another deposit
in the handkerchief.
What is it? What is to be done, and
what do you aive?" inquired the other. -
"Well." was the answer, "I want hands to
chew rags into paper, and it yon are wining io
sat in, you may begin ai ence."
"Good as the wheal," exctaimea me noos
ier. "hand over vour rags."
"Here.'.wts the rejoinder, "tarse mis nana-
Verchief and commence with il."
Hoosie r ssw the "sell," end quie'ly patting
the handkerchief int bis pocket, remarked as
he turned logo out:
"Warn J eel it chewtd, llrangtr. I'll letch
it back '."Iniumapolie Journal.
Wholesome Advice.
Keen your mouth shut, all you that will
keen late hours these cold winter nighis, in
crowded, healed rooms, until animal vigor and
mental sprightlinessL are axliausted, ona yei
you nfusl breast theTileak winds of January
to 20 home.' I see nothing amiss in the res
tivilies of friends and neighDors, suu K in urea,
these long winter evenings, better than mo
nine at home; nothing amiss ia the glad re
unions of the young and cherry-hearted, even
though they be extended, one in a while to
the wee abort hours ayant -the twal. I love
to see gladness in all, at any hour of the
twenty-four; but to do these things safelyand
lone, make it a practice to observe two or
three simnlo and easy precautions. Before
vou leave bundleup well; gloves, cloak, com
forter: shut your mouth before you open Ihe
stieet door, end keep it resolutely closed until
you have walked briskly for some ten mm
ules: then, if yon keep on walking, or hae
reached your home, you may talk as much as
yon pleasej. Not so doing, many a heart once
happy fcfjfoias'"! lies ii). the church yard.
But how? If vou keep your mouth doted.
and walk rapidly, the air can only reach the
lungs by Ihe circuit of the nose and head, and
beoomes warm before reaching the lungs, thus
causing no derangement; but if you converse,
large drafts Of cold air dash directly in upon
the lungs, Chi ling the whole Irame almost in
stantly. The brisk walking throws the blood
to the surface of the body, thus keeping up a
vigorous circualion, making a cold impossi
ble, ii ycu don't get into a cold bed too quick
after vou get home. Neglect of these, brings
sickness and premature death to multitude?
every year. Vonmuio Health.
A Letter from an Ohio Legislator.
v The Columbus correspondent of the Cler
mont Sun says -the l!iowing is a copy of
letter from-a member of the Legislature to a
hotel-keener in Columbut:
Mr. of ihe Hotel Collumbus Ohio
i waunl you tomaik way forme at your hotel
So i can have a rumo on the fust flora. I
suppose youre hous air lew stories hi besides
ine sclior at I want my rume next me kiich
un i reckun i will want tbe rume while the
legislaeter meats of which onerabel body iam
a member and i live next ine line ov the stau
ov indyanyin the Stai'.of Ohio, the onerabel
members in ihe Siait ov indyany las year paid
a dolerand a i for board pur weak but Ihen
viltles were hyer then nur now and i think
7ou ort to do a trifle betttr i want one or to
cheers in the rame anJ a bute jao and my
butesblakedonst a weak on aoundies,
G. R. L.
"P. S. rite positively & say if i can ret the
rume di-eckt yore letter to the kare of the
Secretary of Dauyil Bune counsel in this
county as they told me when i was nominated
to let tbem see all mi poiiiik.it cornsponduns,
G. R. L.
A Green Yankee.
The editor of the Knickerbocker, says,
should like you lo have seen a specimen of
a green yankee who came down the sound
Hartford steamer with me. He had never
been io'AffV before, and he was asking qucs
lions of eSrJTvbody on board the boat. How
ever it was "green as grass" lie was picking
up a good deal 01 inlormalion which win
doubtless stand him in good stead hereafter
One of his companions struck me as decided
v oriental:
"Up the Northampton," said he, "I took
bieak fast, and they taxed me tew shillin's
'twas s pretty good price, but I gin it to em
'Twas enough, anyway. Well when I came
down to Hartford, I took breakfast agin, ner.1
rr.ornin'. and when I asked 'em bow much
they looked at me and said half a dollar.
looked back at them pooty sharp but I paid
it, and after I paid it. 1 sot down and cypher
ed nn inside bow much it would cost I feller
to board long ai thai raie; anu 1 ten yon wnu
I pooly soon found eout lhat 'lore the end 01
month, it would make a fellow's pocket book
look as if an elephant bad itomp'a on u: '
Sam Slick himself never enjoyed a more
striking simile. ,
The Last Invention. The New Orleans
Sun tells of a machine which hoe been inven
led "out South," which enables a man to tell
whan he it getting too drunk lo walk. It
called a fudUlemtuter, and gives timely warn
ing by hitting a fellow suddenly under the
short ribs lbs moment ne has got onougn
' "Soitr-TiiiNO Ewi." The Lynn News tells
a food story of two boys, one of whom was
boasting of the beauties of his father's house
"It's got cupola," said he, "and ii's go
ing to have something else."
"What ia it?" asked bis interested compa
ion. ' '
"Why, I heard father tell mother this mor
ning, that in going to have a mortgage
gX"I say, Bill, Jim'a caged for stealing
"Sarved hint right, why didn't ha buy
one and no( pay for it, like aay other gentle
A Hard Shell Sermon.
A friend in Lexington Ky., (much, very
much, did it griot us, while in Louisville,
lhat we couldn't go there, and t Frankfort,
nd Aelilantt, with a party of friends, to par
take of the true Keutuckyihosp tality.of which
we have had such a foretaste, see Ihe blooded
call!, and the IHIuegrass Farms," represent
ed aa we were told, evea feebly bv the rich
acres of "Humer's Button," on Ihe Kentucky
side of the Uhio liver got to get back again,
now, to the beginning nf this sentence.) a
friend then as we have said, in Lexington Ky.
sends np the following "Hard Shell Baplitt
Sermon," winch heavers to be genuine, and
forwards ns in proof, the name of the speaker,
nndof bit reporter. Il almost equals io close-.
ness 01 argument anil stickiness 10 lext, tbe
spontaneous droits of (he clerical hero who
played upon a 'Harpof a Thounmd Slringe!'
"My Breethering: The scripture, tells us
we are buried with Christ in baptism.' 'Bu
ried,' my friends, not 'tprinkled' by baptism.
'Suppose thai one of you had lust a little
da'hter, and you had laid her out, and pre
pared her for Ihe grave; and your neighbor
had come in and ssid: 'Friend, we will take
thy child and bury it;' and afterwards when
you went out to ree the grave of your little
one, you found they had laid her down and
tprinkled a little earth over her! What would
you have thunk of tnem ?
Suppose again, that in the fall of the year
you had dug your potatoes, your turnips, your
parsnips, and your other roots for the winter's
use, and had dug a trench to bury 'em in;
nd you had said to your servant, Sally, take
the house-gang and go and bury those pota
toes, those turnips, those parsnips, and those
other roots, and afterwards, when you walked
forth to see that all were safe and secure for
the winter's use, you had found that they had
just tprinkled a littledirton them! What my
friends, would you have done? Iraether
suppose, my dear breelberen, you would ba'
tried the virtews of the cow-skin I
"But they are not a bit worse than those
poor ignorant, and benighten Episcupalians
nd fresbytenans.and Methodists.whospnnk
les a little water on each other, and call it
burted' by baptism.
"I am arraid, my friends, I am very much
fraid, indeed, that they will catch something
hotter than the eowskin in the day of reckon-
A Congratulation to the Doctors.
Doctors, one and all from the beardless M
. just out of college, to the gray-headed man
whose horse ana gig have become fixtures in
our good old Boston streets we congratulate
you. Your hands will be full before the first
f May your pills will be called for, your
piasters in requisition. Mix your cough sirups
bythe hogsheads; lou will have plenty of calls
lor tnem. rne laaies are preparing for you
they wm oe nappy to see you. They are ro
mi .n scores to the fashionable shoe shons.
and buying oh, such dear, tiny, sweet, ex
quisite little shoes, with soles as thin as al
most as thin as a sixpence a well-worn one
and ihey are gong about these cold.snowv,
wel, Sloppy sireets, with lurs that cost thirty
and fifty dollars bundled about neck and
shoulders, with thick cloaks and warm dress
es, and those dear little shoes "peeping in
and out" like "little mice."
So, there you see your work is oil cut out.
Consumption is on a hard gallop, behind
'Death and the pule horse." and when he
sees tnese ile$ of paper, he cries with
chuckle "there's anotherone" and forthwith
ets an arrow into the side. Oh. foolish eirl.
go learn of the brothers. Look at their shoes
and Ihen at thine. Do you dread Ihe sight of
a doctor ? He will be welcome, soon, when
hat arrow has rankled long enough to fester
n the wound, and the terrible cough, and the
wasung 01 nesn, ihe Hollow eyes, the nerve
ess tread call lor his daily care. Boston Ol
ive Branch.
A Piggish Illustration.
A country girl, several of wbose'sislers bad
married badly, was about, herself lo lake the
How dare you get married," asked a cousin
of hers, "alter having before you tbe unfortu
nate example of your sisters I"
"A fudge for the example of mv sislers !"
exclaimed the girl with spirit"! choose to
make trial myceii. Did you ever veea par
cel of pigs running to a trough of hot swill ?
Ihe lirst one sticks in 1,1s nose, gets it scald
ed, and then draws it back and squeals. The
second burns bis nose.aud stands squealing in
ihe same manner. The third follows suit,
and he squeals too. But still it makes no dif
ference with those behind. They never take
a warning of those before, but all. in turn.
thrusts in their noses, just ss it the first hadn't
got burnt or squealed at all. So it is with
girls in regard to matrimony; and now, cous
in, 1 nope you are satisfied."
Mistake of a night.
The following ludicrous incident occurred
recently on board Ihe night train from New
York. Two married couple took their seats
in the cars at New York, bound for Boston,
in close proximnity, and ahout e.ght o'clock
they olh indulged in balmy slumbers, the
head of their wives resl ing 'upon their hus
band's shoulders. When the cars reached
Worcester, the gentlemen stepped out, and
the ladies apnarently exhausted, slept on.-
The delay was brief, and on entering the
cars, the husband's whose were scarcely open
ed, exchanged seats, and in a few moments
resumed their natural po'ilions, and were in
the land of dreams. AtFramingham the ears
stopped again, when one of the ladier asked
W ill you have time to give me a drink
water here ?"
The affrighled gentleman not recognising the
music of his wife's voice' exclaimed:
By heavens, have 1 made a mistake? This
isn't Tilly 1"
"No," exclaimed the lady, "and you a'nt
my husband!"
"Perhaps we had belter change seals." ex
claimed the husband in the seat immediately
in the rear, who had awoke, "for there's
slight mistake here"
The second lady, too mach fatigued, did
not awake, snd as ine temporary husband en
deavored to shift hia burthen so ts to move,
she merely ejaculated impatiently: "Do keep
tun 1
OTA notoriously mean man having offended
a down-east yankee, was addressed by the
latter in a long tirade which concluded in the
follnwingoaustro terms:
"Your little soul would have as much play
in a mustard pot, aa a pickerel in laka Lrie,
and would raitiv like a , kernel or corn in
Awfully in lovs A New England chap
went to California sometime tgo and left
gal behind. The Qeoree Law brought her
his nrsi letter, which is actually said to com
prise one hundred snd forty-six closely-wnl
' tea pages of letter paper.
Cljf peruirat.
i pubjishedevery Thursday aumln; is' If W
gfasonir Hall, second story of the brick build
ag weit ofC. Varwusdsl & Co's store, Slain,
Street, Eaton, Obio, at the folloa irgrstei ;
' Sl:60 peraunum, in advaact,
$t?00: '""not P'1' within the rear, and
$2:60 after the year has expired.
ITTIiese rates will bt rigidly m forced.
No paper discontinaed until allsrrearncertre-
paid unless a tthe option oft he pa blither,
ITNo communication' inserted, UDletiaC-
eeaipanied by a responsible name.
Mistake of a night. Pen Paste & Scissors.
ID-is thatstlCbl my Ir,
ITViitue bringsi'J own reward.
UTA Discontented Family Poverty. Prida '
and Laziness.
The most Difficult Ascent. Ge'.ting hp a
OTA Codfish breakfast and an India rubber
coat ill keep a man dry all dry.
(ttr Which is the best to ni'ke a eoat last ?
Why, make Ibe vest and trousers firs'.
CrA quarter of an ounce of lea wilt draw
ten women together a gill of ale, two men.
0"lf yo wish to get "teeth inserted," en
and steal fruit where they keep a big bull
0"A spindle-shanked dandy is palpably a
vagrant, inasmuch tile has no visible weans
0"lt is all around my hat," as the hypo
crite said when lie put ou mourning Cor hia
departed, wife.
trrA writer in Putnam'o Magazine r avi: .
"I wish I were a nigger." He probably would
hot require much alteration.
ftTA lady asked her physician if snuff waa
injurious to the brains. "No," said he "for
nobody who lias any brains never lakes snuff.
Had Ur Our Devilxnys, that if Printing
Offices were selling for fifty cents a dozen, he
couldn't raise money enough to buy a ilwotiwr'
IT"'t is very curious," said an old gentle
man, a few days since to bis friend, "thai a
watch should be perfectly dry hen it haj a
running tpring inside."
0"A boy at school in the West, when call
ed to recite his lesson in history, was asked :
"What is German Diet?' Sour krout, pret
zels, schnapps, blut wurst and lager beer," -
was me repiy.
rjT"Shon," said a Dutchman, "vou may
say what you please 'bout bad neighbors as
never was. Mine pigs anJ mine hens comes
home mil derears split, tedder day two of dam
come borne missing."
JX"Go it, old fellow," said two idle scape
graces, to an honest lohore' at work. "Work
tway while we play sow and we'll reap.'
verg iiKtiy, my lans," relied Ibe old man.
coolly, "lam sowing hemp."
ITT"I have lost my appetite," said a gigan
tic Irish gentleman, and an eminent performer
on the trencher, to Mark Supple. "I bope,"
said Supple, "no poor man has found it, for it
would ruin him Tor ever,
EJ-A lady who had refused to give, after
hearing a charity sermon, had her pocket
picked as she left the church. On making
the discovery she said, "If God con id not find
the way into my pockst, Satan could."
CouaT Examination. Mogistrate what
brought you here sir? Prisoner Two police
men, please yer honor. M Then I suppose
liquor had something to do with it? P. Yes,
yer honor, they weie both awful drunk,
jj-A rich jour printer has been discovered
out west. He is being exhibited with ring- .
tailed monkeys, wild hogs, shaved horses
three-legged calves tud other trinkets. Bar
num should purchase the troup of comicali
tits. The rich jour alone is woith the whole
0A person having purchased a wild tur
key, was extolling the goodness of wild fowl
in general, and observed thai in proportion to
the ngilily of the animal, so was his meat the
belter. An individual who overheard the ob
servation, replied "Fleas must be excellent
ILTHe who is passionate and hasty is gener
ally honest. It is you; cool, dissembling hyp
ocrite of whom you should beware. "There
is no deception in a bull-dog." It is only the
cur that sneaks up and bites you when your
bock is turned.
Practical "Fcsiok!" James Thompson
has been convicted in Binoklyn N. Y., and
sent to the Penitentiary for three years and
four months, for having two wives a white
and a black one. Fusion papers, please copy,
with comments.
ETA constable pursued a thief, who took
reluge on a stump in a swamp, and pulled the
roil afier him on which he went out. The
constable made the following return: "Sight
able conversible non est comatable in
swampuu up stumpum ratio."
rrThe King of the Cannibal Islands thus.
eloquently addresses his life-guard on the sub
ject of agitation: "Mjhiu pg nz tpvm! Jg
zpv zru mewrzpvs voxpsuiz tmpwf, tfocn mjof.
Nz if bsu jt csf bljoh xjui hsjfg boe mpofniioflt,
gps xjuipvu uifi mjgt jt esf bs."
ftrShun a man who doesn't pay hia com
pliments to the ladies. He who is wantiog in
honor towards curls and corsets, will invaria
bly attempt to dodge the grocer, tailor and
butcher. . Faithlessness to the diminity insti
tution is a sure sign of a want of principle, pi
ety and a good "bringing up."
0Mrs. Partington having Jnst completed
the furniture fixens of ber country mansion or
tnut-too (chateau,) says' 'that she has a fay
rack in Ihe hall, a squatto man on the ttare-
way, a So-pua and a slide-board in the Dinah-
room, a century-table in the parlor, and 'The
Seven Mile Mirror' on the aiaiitel-piece.'
rrrThe Buffalo Express soys the author of
this rhyme deserves to be "nipped by untime
ly frosts:"
' l is winter, and no more the bretsea
Bus among the budding trreezes, .
And wile boys with ragged trowses,
Shivering homeward drives the cowtes,
Newly frost bit are his loses, '
And bless my life how cold his nose is!
An exorter in a church in Brooklyn, daring
prayer meetings, carries s pack of cards in his
pocaei ni own ousiness eards--and when
penitents come forward to the snxious seat, be
writes a Ssriptiire text upon each card, and
offers them to the convicted sinners for special
contemplation. This kills two birds with one
stone ad veriises hia business and comforts
the souls of Ihe contrite; and the good brother
finds religious matters lo py extremely weit.
A SoMnrastT. A tipsy customer, who was
seated on Ihe box with ttage driver, swayed
until be tumbled i ff. The mud was deep and
he fell soft. "There, now I" he exclaimed,
as he crawled out of tbe slough; "I knew yon
would upset if you didn't take care." On be
ing told that they had not upset, he echoed in
amazement. "Mot upset! If I bad known"
that I wouldn't have got off!"

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