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IIL'JNHtOUS. A JOvrjsxiA'Tic fight -a paper mill. -Horn" Sfniitul. The baker's morning cry is a roll call. -Aero i'orL Jcrntd. TiiEwcathsr is settled. At least it's-, foLHiitukijAutUiiUU'ii. . , Of all summer tlothbi- the straw hat. , is at the head. fond du Lac J.'rporter. ' r, . 11 it . .1 i .. .ii If. told lifer to ct licr day an.l the Si tunUy for her e.l J.u day.- WhtU- luM Iimcm. jMav cannot add one cubit to In own stature, but lie can moke a hor.-e suil. i Coictiiniti Vomiutrmd. j KvtL. conniun'cation e irrupt good , inaiuicr3 unless (.potted in time by the IkMoIucc detectives a: 1. Aewi. W'lUt bath woe? Who lii'li b ibbling? Who liath redncs of eyes? He that ..i..d fi, wt- i!ii Krhrwmtr nf bucL- beer. It is on'y the female mosquito that bite, but wnen a ni in get-? a chance to belt one with a towel, ho is piling to do it without flopping to inquire its gender.- lSotm I'ust. He went into a prominent dru,r store and caiil to tlio dentist: "Von pulls out niitout pain?" "Certainly." "What does dot cost?" "One dolhr." Py shiminy, jou dinks dot don't hurt none, py gracious!" S'tnAhtimo IKrald. A poet writes: "1 know the night will surely come." Uiiiit, joung bard, it will. If nny fellow- tills j ou it won't, ask him if he is giving you moonlight on a shingle, and tell him to take down his scarf-pin. Don't jou let him try to reaon $ ou out of jour belief. lioilon '"' Tmf. London Stamford fas: "Make , a friend of a cat and it makes a fnend of jou in return. There is a grcit amount of in l'mduality an.l originality in cat-.." liiere is, tliere is. lue in- , diwdual cat chooses tho moituuscasoa nble hours to sereniile his love and nothing is more original than the nwsic executed b the Thomas orchestra. X 0. Picayune. "YbJ," slid a fresh girl at a shoiv, "1 know my beau goes out between acts; but he's nico and neer drinks anj thing bu' a cup of coffee, because Icanalnat smell Has pi tin as div, and I know the smed of coflVo from beer or whisky, if I am a little bit green." It is si very h ipiiy thing for a joung mau tob ive a girl s conlidence. SteubcnvUIc 1 braid. Koine or the DiflicnUici -Met in Taking the CeiiMi-. A miau but select census enumera tor, with anlmm Inir and an incendiary nose, tackled a one-story house on Clam street jesttyday and came o.l second bet- After he hid knocked thu skin off liis knuckles on the door, two r.igsed children vith for-aken no-es, who were spellbound obsenersof his perform-j anre, went around "'u woke lier up," J accordiii!T to promise. A second later , the door llew open, to the no small ter ror of the cen-iis person, w ho narrowly escaped de-lit ering a thundering knock in a tall, gaunt relative of MegMcr-rilh-N, done up in faded and very ragged lwmbazine, with a meal-ax cxpreion, a surplus fif neck and a pair of iiblo shoulder-blades tint would have ap peared to much grcater-advantage in cognito. The Damascus cheek of the oiins man paled. He had a superhu man impulse to get tip a tree that grew at hand, and his tongue lost its cunning under her mesmeric, ferocious glare, as he queried tremblingly: " What is our age?" "You git''' arouedly. "Where were jou bom?" " None o' j er biz," menacingly. tlot an v children, cripples or half idiots?" A screech of indignation echoed; a fence picket smtdied itself on tho spot w here he had stood a second before, and a white-ficed ming man, followed by a irago. with hair and drapery fly ing out astern, lit out for Fourth street, for a few mid minutes. When she had returned and slammed the door so that the knob Hew across the street, the thildren in front of the grocery sang: Mhrn Iho .numerator's dula to lie done, to Iks don Toe taker lot it not a hiippy one. happr one. inn 'ra;je"t Chroiudc Tiik Philadelphia policeman who tumed to stone is, strange as it may seem, a greater curiosity thau the one who turned into a beer saloon. A'orrit toirn Herald. A droll mistake, a contrraporarj tells us, was maJe by an imajnnatirc old dame. who. havinz ticrmiited a tele graph pole to be placed on the top of her- hou-c, waited upon the chinf ofthe telegraphic company concerned to com- plain that she could get no sleep of a nixht, btlng kept awake by the noi- made by the menses. pa;ins .over her head. " I don't think, sir," aid she, "you can bo aware of all that's said thcm wi ,, a deal tliat oug,t tQ je l can , yoU) sir, that cry much tint's s-aid there, t)at j iare tr) jio an(l tj.lpn t0f -13 slIci, a .m w()man might to hear; and j j,,, ou n put a s.op t ;t." The amused gentleman was hardly able to meet the accusation with due gravity; but he did coutnie to keep his counte nance while he informed the old lady that the young men who had hitherto w orked the w ires w ere under notice of di'mis-al, and that in future only young women of great rcpcctability would be cmplojed, so there would be no danger of her propriety being shocked again. m The following problem is given for some beginner in arithmetic to solve : The .English language lias one "t" and four substitutes for " t," namely, ct as in "ctc-iphon," ptasin " ptisan," phth as in ' phthisic," th as in "Thomas." It also has "a" and ten substitutes for "a," namely, ai as in "vain," ay as in "rav,"cigh as in "eight," cw as in " reign," cy as in " they," aig as in "campaign," ea as in "break," an as in "eui2e,"ao a3 in "gaol," aigh as I in " Iaii;ht." Combining tlio above, I how manj- different ways are there of ' spelling the Iirt sjuaoie oi me worn tailor?" and then, writing the second fya,c lvjth lar, ler, lir, lor, lur, lyr, laiT) crr jirr j0ITj urr ijn., uar, uer, jIirj iior, nri Hvr, llarr, Uerr, llirr, 1( lh ikrr.'lour. leur. Iter, lour. ii u i ow raanv aifferent wavs nre there cl sj cllicg tao whole worn " tailor?" Men may preach, and tho world willli-ten; but profit comes by example. A parent inculcates gentleness in Lis children by many found precepts; but they see him treat u dumb animal in a very ha-h manner, and, in consequence, his instnietions are worse than lost, for they are neither heeded nor respected. I lis example as a gentle and humane man would have been sufficient for his children without one word of command. lCe eland Ohlo) rialn Dealer. um 1 1 um ! TVcll has It been ilI tht the del'ght ex perience! under certain cond tfons of life cannot be art.cu'ated, but can only be con veceUbj the happy AmerlcanUm Yum I Turn! We do not know If Mr. Cha. MampeL Independence, 0 , said th's; but be wrote: "About a year ao I ir& under a phytic an's reatnient, and paid a doctor's bill of twenty dollars, without aiy boacnt. One bottle of Hamburg Diops did me more good thaa all the -doctoring' " JSan Francisco D-iUy fierrnan Democrat. An I-ft-Gotrrnor. 0lnliN. Tlic aliove-named journal recently con tained the report of an Intcnlew between Ex (ioveraor tolotnon and one of Its report ers. The (lorernorbad suffered for a long time with seTere rheumatic ialns which noth ing wou'd relieve. Friends advd the use of St. Jacob's Oil, and a half dozen applications banthed the palu and lameness. "It Klves me pleasure to recommend it whenever I can," said the Go ernor. national Trratneat I"a.ltlTe CTarea. Ilr. K. V. Pierce, President of the World'i Pipenan Medical Association, Is In earnest lusrllinznis medicines under pcsiiive Ruar antees, and if aavbody who purchases and uses any if tiie- widelvlebrated remedies aoesntjtderlTe beneDt therefrom, the Asso ciation would 1 kc to hear from that person villi description of svmntoms and hUtorv tf rav. Orpuibed ant inc nsrated, as the As s ci tt'on K to teach medicine and surgery, and for the suecesfLl trea ment of all chron ltdir.es, nd manclnc annually thojunJa tif eae through our original rneth d cf diag-ni-ss k iliout ever seeing the pitie.t6. and ban g ami the lariress sanitarium in the w ild for the aci-02miGdtI n of he more o mpl eatrd eve, and alfi lor sunjital cjfcs. ine ricuiyieci eme4ve prepirtuw un dertake even the mo-t dicouraging cases. Tli r nort to all the bc-i remedUl means known to modern niMlcal science neglect ing nothing Addicts or'd'6 1) spensary Medical A"oeatloo. I!jffa'o, N. V . or Great Uutsell Street building. Iximiim. Eog. Vnqmtllfled urers. "c7t.OlTI Columhiie. OUk In speakln? of Warner's is.V l.tmeJics, mts: Tetl- I monUl not uuinbcreJ bv LuTttlrcJ, but by TtiouMiutK. are lu lue nanus oi 11. 11 narner V Co., all furuthbins; ample corroboratiTC cUcccs tliat as a curative for specific JU caocs for hkb recommeuJ-vl are an unquali fied ant! pronounced euccc&s.M tViinorr's Ferer and Acne Tonic, the old reliable remedy, now sells at one dollar. The jrcnnlne Frazer Aile Grease Is said to be the best In the world, and we believe it. Kedmso's Ucssia Salve has proved ItseCl clcncj by a test of three-quarters of a century Alwats get C. Gl'bcrt's Linen Starch. Use National Yeast and be banpy. Try it. SiO a liar. Iluwlo 3Iakr It. Arttliiff .JT fvrAgtitM exr. rUMMKJCOSLlAmll Ma. tC (Tfl rerdavathome.S.raplfsworih'tS 3 19 iUl" AiitrolSTEini,(l.lWll!iA.lI C70 A WhEK. ?12adaTathomeeaIlT made. 3 I U UaOj Wltfll ttr. A Wa True K Co. AofUsta. M GUNS Revolt cri. IMus.Cat&oiraefres. Grcit tTQ Uua Wort i Snasburti, P. 66 A VCY" K in vourown town. Tennsand Vi outfit Ir 3rlrilLHiJMmHJartliailk ICCUTC fn mori'T with lir. C1iur Aw nine. C mil.ti AWrrtl,tiacIulisC ,ToItJo.o. ""n"i:Ki;Aa ft iiinniPAv. A All th IutejtX n 1X1 Trmtnn. N. J. JL3LluriLortKn.vn fl sod lor lrai b'rt. nuAIl.L-TOUTH UltC'LLAlt MAUH. HA! ILLUSTRATED MEDICAL BOOK FREE Fn.l rvnr dirfi.. with mi lo I ITICIKA VL1I. tO.. IIwx U.AUO. lloclun. 5I. HIRES' IMPROVED FOOT BEER PKGS.25C Mi! El.ordfllclouiiC'iiprklicibcrrrp. Aikyoat !! RllilUI 1L, VI WH Hn HUUUIHIVI Mil' lie-Ill H trmaU. AarrutLUiaii.rjurkeise,riiilid.F& ForBOWELCOMPLAINTSuse ff Xjr-StUlvaUImge'itt. An a rmuv sirmcnp. for Mini ail Istimal uv.irtaa!i m a Ktvul rrf'VxJil fl t ( II , AMI I'lllMls. Ills M.nt llthN FueMtU' r-- F.j cca'l yen Fust 7!th GcUi Psr;.. Piisi? SEE WHAT PEOPLE WHO HAVE USED IT SAY. Holaton Salt and Plaster Co . Saltvllle, Vn., Feb. 20th, I8Q0. SAY; ltrrlvor.usDldasuro tostnta I that your paints have Riven the most perfect satisfaction. We painted two houses with CUTTA ( PERCHA PAINT, some two yoars ago, and are so well" pleased with It that wo shall use your palnton somo twenty of our houses, occu pied by our employes and man agers. i Send for Sample Colors and Price List to CUTTA PERCHA PAINT CO.. CLEVELAND, O. CHICACO. ILL. THREE REMEDIES IN ONE. In !1 d'nord-r ml.4. wn o d.rn'e KfYpuplh rrenz... Ami k-pth-bowfltfrre; lve onTrcitTf,li.aiic nJ Ionic. la one pjrw m JI jio iht cuaitn" Ih- thrte. StLTZtR ArEBiKVTliibatntii!cni plurlaui. It ton-.rcfrvti-. n cuitr. utin. Anio trdlvae for thirty 3fr-ttrtorioa. The wortJ well fuundrdrunfitl'-ncerrtftlDi. TakeasiT trrtETEMrxxT SrLTJtFR Afekiext. 60LU BT ALL imCGGIbTb. WARNER'S SAFE KIDNEY& DOCTORSBtu..LIVER CURE Jp dif liOinl for Uriplit'ai PIeae nd i ailments of the lr1nrjf t-nnimand L!i-r It U fxillv vluIlo In fitutiviruiiM"!, and ba anil the Uvr $t ximitil who tiaJ abauUonctl hjpeaod Uereeiprctlngtit-JUIL. WARNER'S afeTonic. ' Renwa the r nerpT ' ih worn an t orrrworked. All PrrnnnB nurrrlcc a drcllae la h-lth.froinrJtifrrer 4 cauwill And It must InriffvratlQff both toth' mlnJ ana boajr. AFEfEllLLS Cfntly mm.ate the pjurm nyther lanii'nor uiraaf iu nnniif man of MAaarfa and prevent IlUioDAQeM ami Klndrrd ConipU.nt A s)ufda liter UtmpokU.btn; tUey art ruiployed. AntheaboTe-nainrd rrmfdl are for aalebyDrug 5ii In erery part ul the land. They are Invaluable. tt. U. VTAK EK A CO., Xcfceatcr,.T. tajwiSjirti CUTTING OFFjSSk i i . IS U Jla. a fSrr GRAIN AND PROVISION COMKISSIOX r MERCHANTS. LeMde loloGrnraJOHnin1t4inbnnfHt9lnLARilB QUAMint-S. wo llavand Hrll drain In l,tn. uu. louana npwvn(M ivrk nu ira in nj qunu- tit dfkirni. (jorrtiKKtrcDcri au RniPtnTiifl wuawu. I.A It II Of 121LaSaJeiU "hlcajo. J &. &&&&& FOR CHILLS AMD FEVER Malarial Poisoning OFTHE BLOOD. 1 A Warranted Cure. Price, SI. 00. i C2frOB CALK BT ALL bBUOfllSTS. M GRMFENeERG VKUKTAUiJB Mildest ever known. cur MALARIAL DISEASES, HEADACHE. BILIOUS NESS. INDICESTION b4 FEVERS. Thest pujls Tone uo the tystcm and restore hfalth t those suffering from general debility and nervousness. Sold by all Druggists. Q3 Oonta Tor Sox. Jonas Wiiitcomb's Remedy. The late Jcnaa V 'teon of nton. Tli'iMFarni afr yrar rinrt-for th Itn-fltof h Ivalih. whlrti waliiiTal-i-4ty frt-qurnt attacV. f 2jtim1trAth- tna Wld.e ucdrrtb trraiaii nt r fantciin ni dmntn" jhTlia'i.lj' b"--rw lnirnrj lo btfaiM tit at lima dmrprart-d he iinT.ndtb-rrTl,'f nhlrb ..ad Un mtj, tifortiim U h hi it lie I aat ft wvrarvifila K my , ha ln uwil lniliouJinJff tl irtcAi wltha- I toolihltiic and uclfuni iuirrt. It cuQtaloa uo iHUeia- ! ouorluJurtwuijruiHrtlr ubatevrr. Extrart from tJt "Iif'fflCfltWm Trrtntt by hlf tpher, nmt M lrritij l.,p 372. 'The doctor jirerrlbrd.anexjer menu bat haj bernfcni7rted!iTlrr hi W Huitnrtnub. late vUit, Jona KTiitrtjmb a Tlrtnrdy for athnia, a tt-apMn-ful la a wine-la-i of miter, to le tatruevtry faur hour. A cwod nVht the mult. I hie derived very (treat brneflt frm Jona 1Ttiltrtnit. Mhniii laVnirdr '" O Y O-lttiRNK. ln.dentfMruicIiunrnc(JoL. Ho-toa. Mast. "Vrmnttvrt sul stifi-r.l rltrht rum fnITl the htr vert aIIla. The recurren-: of tlilf three niontht ccnoT erry year ntnrt wun wriir hfr oct. Jon Lit com t. Aibma Ilrnu-dy arn-led the tcrril le di iBe. and Loa kept It o3 furthtfhole aeaw.ii, tih pratjuywf tle family " Ut J- h. no. Clilrajro ir-ntof tl( AmerlranujmeMtvJuuarybocI ety, to the , 1 J impendent Pubti'lUt th ilrmmitr Oitr't" Vrvt9""?! "lO Till- MFM-KIri: I.VArIV. lt;uN. CHITI. I-Je. In the Interest iiinlof mch pern. vtibuut any runfrn nre with iIm'm: ! aJrrtlelt. I earnestly urw? all wlwi aalTr by th' dUtreBlnir mala &r lo uv iri?Ht(H Jonat Wh.Tcomf' l.mdy JorAntma.I-M;CoId.etc.'" T lMHERTtN, Broftd Kun. Faa)alrr t-o . Jobu vrhitcomnf Aithrc Hmedv ! inannf jwtnrel only br theprop-Wort. 4IM.111 lfIU.NETTJs CO.. lCtoi. JhTTrS-Ssa 'Idllilli