Dodge City times. [volume], January 22, 1881, Image 3

About Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892

Image provided by: Kansas State Historical Society; Topeka, KS

                
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THE DODGE CITY TIMES.
SGBCniPTIOX : ?i 00 ir Tr, In Advance.
NICHOLAS 15. KLAIN - Editor.
AFTElt THE THEATER.
Tcv dollar. Oultonsum topay
lor ore wn e:i-n but four a day,
For Jii-t a suulo evcninx's run.
It seems -o. now the thlix 1 done.
Tbtietorthecarrl.i!re. for you know
InewrcuulJiislfhji toiro
With that swell dn do Bade ecru.
Anil tram -Iran? nut a yard or two
liiulalnnr-smir. Andconlce
hue I wkcii I il i not snllxo the price.
Three more f .)r cnt down center alle
And Tour rows tack Jut rijtht for lj to.
Thecurtain rose. Hotlme will p.tss
While irazlnsr throusn nn open nU.s.
The curtain fell, "nice more we Mood
OuMldc.and theu the thouirht of fowl
It-clrpre-ente-1. MiosaMjes.
J-ho felt quite hunirry. You can guess
That wbamente. with just a bit
Of rosy wine to season It,
U il up th.it other Tour. TImo sped.
I took her home. Good-nlRht was said.
Then to my own home c ime 1 straight;
And bTU I sit an 1 medllate.
The cash I had four hours airo
I tone-. Tie nniiffht for it to-how.
llaiel rejrretsforlt? Not one.
Twas folly, but, by Jove, 'twas fun!
ILxtun not.
CONFESSIONS OF A CANDIDATE.
Tfc Itrlrf Political Career or PrMitlee
Mulfurit-A Mrnfnnrr View or Matc-
urnshli.-.Noxrl Methods of CaaTBMlac
lll,p Itout at the I'olls.
This is the confession of a political
villain; not, however, a perjured politi
cal villain. I never swore to run for
ofliee for my country's good. I did run
once for an office for my own good. 1
was unsuccessful. Virtue has its own
reward; so has vice. Tho wicked do
not always flourish UKo green Day
trees. Indeed, judging from a home
experience. I am not prepared to say
that they flourish at all The fall polit
ical campaign of 18GG-'7 came on while
I was carrying my comic lecture about
the camps'of Tuolumne, Stanilaus and
Mariposa. A thought one day took
Eossession of me, "Why not run for tho
legislature?"' I belonged to a political
party. My frozen toes troubled me a
good deal" and the lecture did not pay
much over expenses. I consulted with
one of the pillars of our party. Ho be
longed in Oak Flat. I took" the pillar
behind Dan Muun's store, on Rattle
snake Creek, and avowed my intention.
Tiie pillar took a big chew of tobacco,
stared, grinned and said: "Why not?"
I consulted with another pillar behind
Bob Love's store in Montezuma. He
was throwing dirt from a prospcct-holo
with a long-iiandled shovel, lie leaned
on the shovel, blew his nose an nalurel
without artificial aid. grinned, and after
some deliberation, said: "Why not?" I
found attother pillar of our party slum
ming out a reservoir near Jamestown.
He was enveloped in yellow mud to
his waist, and smaller bodies of mud
plastered him upward. A short pipe
was in his mouth and a slumguilion
shovel in his hand. He said: "Go infor
it and win."
ENTERING THE FIELD.
With less assurance and more fear
and trembling I consulted with other
and more inlluential party pillars in
Sonora, the county town. Some hesi
tated; some were dignified; some
cheercdme on; some said, " Why not?"
I made the same remark to myself, and
replied "Why not?" The Asse-nbly
was a good gate for entering the politi
cal field. My ideas of its duties we're
vague. Of iny own qualifications for
the post I dared not think, lint what
matter? Other men no letter qualified
than I had gone to Sacramento, received
their ten dollars per diem and came
back alive. I could do that. They
seemed to stand as well as ever in the
estimation of their constituents. Then
"Why not?" The die was cast. I an
nounced myself in the county paper as a
candidate for the State Assembly. The
County Convention assembled at So
nora. It was a body distinguished for
wisdom and jurisprudence. Somebody
nominated me. I aroso and paid some
body else live dollars. This was the
first price of ambition. Then I found
myself making my nominating speech.
It was a very successful speech. I left
out politics altogether, made no pledges,
discussed no principles and talked no
sense. At first the audience stared.
Then they laughed immoderately at
times. So did I. Then they nominated
me by acclamation. It was one of the
proudest moments of my life, although
I did not know il at the time. Taken
for all in all, it was no wonder thty
laughed. I was obliged to laugh my-
elf at the whole affair behind the Court
House when the Convention adjourned.
And "Why not?7'
T0LIT1CS -WITHOUT SENTIMENT.
It was the laugh of a fiend! I wanted
the position for tho per diem. I was
buried in turpitude. My colleagues
were all running on principle to save
the country. It is singular that the
motive of such a wolf in sheep's cloth
ing as I was at that time was not de
lected. The great and good men,
secure in their ovrn rectitude and purity
of purpose, by whom I was surrounded,
never once guessed at the presence of
the snako in theirgrass. Looking back
at this occurrence after the lapse ot
nearly twenty icars, I am more and
more astonished that the party should
have risked taking such a load as my
self on its shoulders. I had no position,
no standing, next to no reputation, no
property, no good clothes, no whole
shoes, no fixe'd habitation and three
sore toes. I had not nor did not real
ize the responsibilities of a citizen. I
had no family and conld not realizo the
duties and responsibilities of those who
wero rearing joung citizens for tho
great Republic" Should such a man be
sent to the State Legislature? Of course
not. Are such men ever sent? Of
course not. I do not think now that at
the period spoken of I was even incor
ruptible. Should a person who seldom
saw over ten dollars in his possession at
any one time be sent where ho might bo
"approached" by designing men? Of
course not. Was such an one ever sent?
Never! The commouwealth of Cali
I fornia ran a fearful risk in ray nomina
' tion.
SINS OF A CANDIDATE.
Few, probably none, suspected the
mental misery I endured during this
campaign. Because. I knew and felt
my turpitude, I knew ray unfitness
for Ihe position to which I aspired. I
knew where lay tho snake in tho grass.
Could I meet daily a trusting, credulous
constituency, who believed that my
mind was full of projects for the relief
of the State and Nation, without re
morse? Of course not. I had remorso
bad, but I dared not back out and off
the track. So 1 kept on, and the vult
ures gnawed my vitals. Those who
think the wicked have such a good
time arc sadly mistaken. Our party
was firmly grounded on one grand be
lief. It was that nothing the other par
ty could do was right, nothing that we
TM wia wivini, Thiant thfit. timn f i!iil
not believe, lint I pretended to. Or
rather I stilled all thought on tho sub
ject. This was the lirst "Teat sin. Un
like mv colleagues, I was untrue to my
own convictions. They but Low I
wished for then faith. It coultl move
mountains of doubt. Mino couldn't.
How I hated my conscience. It tor
mented me worse than a chronic colic
There I was standing shoulder to shoul
der with patriots battling bravely for
a cause, a principle, while I I cared
for naught save a seat in the Assembly
at ten dollars a tuy.
A LIVELV CAMPAIGN.
It was a stirring campaign, that of
ISO1), in ana about luolumno Uounly.
The antagonism was of the bitterest
character, l'olitical opponents reviled
each other in print and sometimes pep
pered each other with pistols. Bullets
flew about night and tlay. It was dan
gerous in Sonora to sleep in a clap-
Doarueu nouso in tne average line ot
aim. The papers left nothing unsaid
which could taunt and irritate. Editors
went about the streets weighed down
by masked batteries. It was calculated
that tire hundred pounds of iron were
daily packed about the streets in the
shape of derringers, knives and revolv
ers. Tho champions of tho opposing
parties never met on tno nignway out
that people peered and squinted from
doorand window for the bombardment
to commence. Knives were bathed in
gore. Barroom floors showed bloody
stains. Men died with their boots on.
Loaded shotguns lay in ambush behind
front and back doors. The atmosphere
smelt of blood and possible killing.
Saloon p'ate-glass mirrors showed the
track of pistol bullets. Mass meetings
were assemblages of men from town
and country, secretly armed. People
spent most of their time bating each
other. Ministers went behind the or
thodox: returns and preached sectional
and partisan politics. The more vital
tenets of religion were suspended for
the time being with the writ of habeas
corpus. I canvassed the countr with
my comic lecture. It took, It was
popular with both parties. It was a
pleasant relief from the heavier logic
and argument nsed by heavier and
more solid speakers. It was like the
farce after tho tragedy. It sent assem
blies and mass meetings homo in good
hnmor. Nobody asked if such a can
didate was fit to make law. But there
Tuolumne showed wisdom. They didn'i
want any more laws made. "Every- I
bodv who had been sent to tho Leg- !
islatnre since California was created a
State had been busy putting more laws
on tho statute books. Tliero was an
overplus. People couldn't keep count
of tho law3 already made. Tuolumne
then showed wisdu'm in its endeavor to
send one man to the Legislature of
186G-'7 who. not being able to draw j
up a bill, could not have added a single
new law to the mass already made.
NOVELTIES AT THE POLLS.
Feeling that I had not done justice to
tho party in making an active canvass
of the county, principally because I had
no monev to make a canvass with bv
treating long lines of ever-ready patri
ots at every bar in Tuolumne, I con
cluded I would hold a series of privato
mass meetings in the day time on horse
back. 1 would do this on election day.
I would gallop from poll to poll and
make a speech at each polL I had a
route laid out embracing half the coun
ty. I made the initial equestrian speech
at Jamestown. Thence I galloped to
Shaw's Flat. Shaw's Flat upset inc.
The pillar of our party there, at who:e
saloon tho polls were held, came to his
door while I was speaking, took one
look at me and walked off in disgust, I
saw the disgust on hisface an inch thick.
It smote me. It threw a wet blanket
overall this newly-roused enthusiasm.
I started for Columbia, but all the way
that man's face peered into mine. It
robbed me of all cour.tgo and confi
dence. I had no further heart to con
tinue the work. It was not at all the
rejmlar thing. It was an innovation on
old party usages. Tho country even
then was too old for such politico-equestrian
heroics. I rode back to James
town, put the horse in his stable, and
hid myself. The people did not agree
to send mo to Sacramento. Perhaps it
was fortunate for them they did not.
Probably it was for me. Whatever hap
pens to a man in this life is probably the
best thing for him, inasmuch as nothing
else can happen to him. I had the profit
of an experience in making a semi-political
debut, anil the people profited by
sending another man.
SOME SAGE REFLECTIONS.
Could the past but bo recalled, with
all its conditions, contingencies and ac
cessories; could I onco more renew this
episode with tho advantage of years of
past experience and accumulated wis
dom, I should succeciL I should fill
the post of Legislator, if not a Legisla
tor. But the future is apt to come too
late. To be sure it was for me a period
of folly and weakness. My soul even
now squirms with shame to think of it
"And it should," I hear my fellow
human judges saying. Of course it
should. Man's first duty to himself is
to hide his follies and bear himself as
though he never committed any. Only
I can afford to tell what a wretch I have
been. Were I a candidate for otlice I
could not, Some da)-, when tho world
is wiser, men will cease strutting about
in their masks of proprietyand wisdom,
and publish their own past errors as
freely as now they do those of their fel
lows. It is a good preliminary previous
to entrance into that world where " all
things shall be revealed," where each
action lies in its true nature, and where
each one of us must " even to the teeth
and forehead of our faults give in evi
dence." "Why not?" Prentice ilul
ford, in the San Francisco Chronicle.
m
A Horse Talked to Death.
It was at a sale stable on Fifth street.
and a tired-looking horso was brought
before tho crowd. A dozen voices arose
in a bid of twenty-five dollars, and In
the noisy wav in vogue at horse auc
tions, the bidding swelled to a perfect
din. The bidders were hoarse, and the
hoarser they became the more vocifer
ous wern their bids. The noor animal
looked completely bewildered. The
auctioneer at last shouted: " Going for
fifty dollars; am I offered no more? '
Gono for fifty dollars. Here's youri
horse, sir." Before he could ask the
name of the purchaser the exhausted, '
ila-ifuAil KahtiIiIammI liAdat ilmnnAil nn !
his side and kicked his last, Cincin
nati Commercial.
The latest reportorial triumph is call
ing a revolver ball "a leaden creator of
oblivion "
PERSONAL AXD UTERARV.
Mr. Thomas Homes is already lec
turing in London on his recent visit to
America.
LoruBeaconsfield, it is now stated,
wroto "Endymion" twenty-two years
ago, and it has been published with no
material alteration.
Sidney Smith once thus cleverly de
scribed Mrs. Grole and her husband:
"1 do like them both so much.'for he is
so ladylike and she is such a perfect
gentleman."
The late Irof. Watson, was the dis
coverer of no less than nineteen planets
and asteroids, and of two comets. He
maintained for years, up to the time of
his death, the existence of a planet be
yond Neptune, and spent some years iu
fixing its location by calculations.
The first volume of the history of tho
war which is being gotten up under the
auspices of the War Department has
been published. It deals with the
events preceding tho tiring on Fort
Sumter, which ended in secession. No
such gigantic historical undertaking was
ever before begun.
Gambetta, as ho rises to speak in
the tribune, is described as a clnmsy,
dnll-visagcd man, dressed in ill-fitting
and shabby clothes. But after a few
moments' speaking he seems another
being, his fare lights up. his gestures
are telling, and his voice has the resou
ant tones of a man of power.
Nathaniel Hawthorne's shyness
was almost inconceivable. He had a
lofty tower built on to his house, and
lo.-ated his study in its highest room.
Thus all visitors were obliged to climb
a long, steep flight of stairs, without
banisters, and at last come to a trap
door leading upwards and upon which
Mr. Hawthorno was sitting. More
over, the doors below were diligently
guarded, and few were able to elude the
attendants to secure entrance at all.
A letter from Mr. Longfellow to
Father Ryan, the Southern poet, on
the occasion of a reading by tho latter
of some of his own poems at tho Balti
more Academy of Music, contained the
following pleasant paragraph: "When
you call yourself the last and least of
those wh'o rhyme, you remind mo of
the graceful lines of Catullus to Cicero:
Receive the warm thanks of Catullus,
the least of all poets; as much the least
of all poets as you are the greatest of
all advocates.' Last and least' can no
more be applied to yon than 'pessinius
to Catullus."
HUMOROUS.
Tncar was n brare soldier, ft colr.net.
Who swore In a way most Infotonel;
Hut be net er once toouzht,
Asa Christian man ouzbt.
Ho Imperiled his own We etolonct
SUutxncittt lttraU.
We are informed by a fashion ex
change that checks are to bo worn. We
think it were about time a check were
put upon the fashion. Yonkers States
man. Scene in a restaurant: Man with his
coat off, struggling with apieceof steak,
calls out to the proprietor: "Say. don't
the horns go with this 'ere meat?"
Whetlin'j Leader.
"Does education civnizor" asks the
Press. No. sir, certainly not It is ed
ucation that prevents thousands of men
from making their mark. Philadelphia
Chronicle-lhraliL
A Toledo naturalist has satisfied
himself beyond a doubt that tho average
cat travels a distance of eight miles
every night, when there is no earthly
reason for her moving a rod. Detroit
Free Press.
A base-ball boy tripDed, fell, and
tore his clothes while chasing a stray
chicken in a neishbor's tot. Hn told
his mother he hail been sent to grass by
a fouL She reached forhome base, and
the youth went on a strike, howling for
the old man to act as referee.
He was a fine looting man. and he
proudly strutted down the sidewalks
with the air of proprietorship in every
movement. "Beg your pardon." said
a stranger as he stepped up to him. bat
in hand, in utmost humility. "Do I
have your permission to remain in town
over night? Kew Oaten Register.
" Yob did wrong to shoot that man's
ilivr Vnn miirht have Dushcd him off
with the butt of your gun." said the
Galveston Jtecorder to a man who was
charged with shooting a neighbor's dog.
"I would have Cone that," replied the
prisoner, "if the dog had come at me
tail first, but he came at me with hu
biting end-" Galccston A'eicu
U
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