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Sioux City register. [volume] (Sioux City, Iowa) 1858-1871, May 05, 1859, Image 1

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S. CVMKWGt F. X. ZIEBACH, Proprietor!.
OL. 1.
Raw Bern Fartle *et Mi Wife.
The very climax of ugliness Ben
Ftertle. He *u red haired, and each hair
if it cherished the supremeet con
Kept for iu next neighbor. His face was
freckled as the most betpotted turkey egg.
Bis nose supported at the bridge, a large
lump, while the end turned viciously to
oae side. His mouth bad every shape but
a pretty shape. His form was uncouth as
bis face was ngly. The very climax of
ogliness was Ben Purtle—what was more
still, Ben bad a handsome, bouncing,
blooming wife—sach as can only be grown
apon a eouotry farm,
How the deuce," said I to Ben one
4*7, "did you ever get such a wife, you
•dkouth, misshapen quintessence of mm
Ben was not at all offended at the im
pertinence of my question, and forthwith
began to solve the mystery, thus:
"Well now, gals what's sensible ain't
cotcbt by none of your purty and hifalutin
airs. I've seed that tried mor'n one.—
Too know Katy was alters considerable
tbe pnrtiest gal in these parts and all the
yotrag fellers in the naborbood used to try
to eotch her. Well, I used to go over to
old Sammy's too, just to kinder look on,
yea know, and cast sheep's eyes at Kate.
But Lord sakes! I bad no more thought
that I could get Kate than a Jerusalem
cricket could hide in the bair that wasn't
on old Sammy's bald head —no siree
Bat still, I couldn't help going, and my
heart wr.ald kinder flutter, and my eyes
would burn all over, whenever I'd go to
talk to Kate. And one day when Kate
sorter made fun of me like, it almost killed
me sure. I went home with fcomething
like a rock jostling in my breast and
•wore I'd hang myself with the Crst plow
lis* I found."
Did you hang yourself?"
No daddy blazed out to me for not
MMng old Ball to the pasture in the morn
ing, and scared me so bad I forgot it."
"Go on,"' said I, seeing Been pause with
apparent regret that be bud not executed
bis vow.
"Well, soon on Sunday morning—(I
reckon it was about a year after that hang
ing)—I got up and scraped my fare with
daddy's razor and put on my new coprus
britches and a new 1
in bey coat that man
By bad dyed wi'h sassafrac bark and went
over to uncle Sammy's. Now I'd got to
loving Kate like all creation, but I never
cheaped to anybody about ray feelings.—
But I knowed I wag on the rijjht side of
(b* old folks."
Well, now, ain't it qnar," continued
Beo, after a short pause daring which he
rolled his quid to a more convenient place
in his mouib, bow a fellow will feel some
times Something seemed to sav as I
went aloDg, Ben Purtle, this is a great
day for you,' aiid then my heart jumped
and fluttered like a jay bird iu a trap.—
And when I got there and seed Kate with
ber new checked homespun frock on, I
raily thought I should take tbe blind stag
C«« anyhow."
Ben paused again to brush the fog from
111 eyes, and then coutinued
Well, 1 found the order of the day was
to go muscadine bunting. Joe Sharp and
his two sisters and Jim Bowles was tliar.
I'd knowed for a long time that Joe Sharp
was right after Kate and I hated him
worse than a hog hates to find tbe way
oat of a tater patch but I don't let oa.—
Sharp had on white britches and line shoes
and broadcloth coat, but
everybody knowed
be wasn't worth a red cent. He walked
with Kate, and you ought to a seen the
sirs he put on. It was 'Miss Kate" this
and 'Miss Kate' that, and all such non
sense. After awhile we came to a slough
wbar we had to cross on a log and I'd a
BOtion to pitch the sassy good for nothiog
filler into tbe water."
didn't you I asked, sympathy
with the narrator.
''Stop, never mind," said Ben, giving
me a nudge. "Providence done that all
np brown. Nothing must do but Joe
Sharp mutt lead Miss Kate across fust.—
fit jumped on tbe log in high glee and
took Kate's band and eff they put. net
as they had got half way across a tarnation
bull frog jumped off into the water,
(you know they boiler.) 'Snakes!' screws
•d tbe blasted fool and knocked Kate oil
up to her waist in the nasty, black muddy
water. And d'ye think the scamp didn't
HiM up after we'd got her out, and said
'Are you much hurt, Mi»s Kate?'
My dander was up. I couldi.'t stand it,
4otch him by the seat of his white britch
ftfand his coat collar, and gin him a toss.
May be be didn't go clear under wheu be
hit tbe water. I didn't see biin out. Ms
nod Kate put for the bouse. Wben we
NRrted on Kale said:
Bon jist let mo hold onto yoor ara,
ay kndes feel sorter weak."
*Uepeat Jemimy I 1 felt so quar wben
sjw tuck bold. 1 tried to say something
nioe but my drotiod uiouth wouldn't go off
no bow. But 1 felt as strong as an ele
jfeat, and helped Koto along. Uiwby
l»tc said:
Ben, that Joo Sharp's a good for noth
ing, sneak iug nobody if over be puts his
head inside of our house again, I'll souse
hilu with dish w»ier, suie."
I tried to s«y something again, but cuss
*j§» luck, I couldn't say nothing, but
Halo's hand, and ngbwl
MMby belli*.
4|_iWW. aujm»bt'r& bi
S ',.1
(f, I *t
j' 1 M»i VU.
We'd got clean oat of sight of the others,
and Kate says—
Ben, I feel that you're my protector,
and I believe daddy's right wben he says
yon're worth all the rest of tbe boys in the
Ben Portle," says I, "this is a great
day for you," and I made a tremendious
effort to get my mouth off again, and out
it popped sore enough
Kate," says I, trembling all over, "I
lore you to distraction, and no mistake.—
I've loved you long and hard. My heart's
been almost broken for two years and I
want you to say right straight up and down
whether you're going to have me or not."
Kate hung down her head and didn't
say nothing, but I felt encouraged, for she
kinder sighed. Says I, "Kate, ef you're
gwine to have me, say so, and cf you don't
want to say so, jist squeeze my hand."
Well, she squeezed by hand right off—
Lordy, how I did feel. I felt as if a stream
of warm water or sassafrac tea sweetened
with molasses, was running through my
bones and jist cocth her in my arms, and
kissed her right iu the mouth, and she
never tried the first time to get loose."
Ben was so overcome with this narration
of his courtship, that a pause for breath
was necessary.
"How long after that," said I, "before
you were married
"Old Sammy was mighty proud, and so
was tbe ole 'oman, about the thing, and
we married next tall after the muscadine
"Do you think your wife loves you yet?'"
I asked.
"Why yes. She thinks I'm the purtiest
and tbe best feller iu the world. I tell
you, sir, it's no use talking highfaluten
airs, and quality dressing and colone and
sdeb things ain't gwine to go down with
sensible gals, sure.'"
The ItasUr sad tbe Drontloe.
Tb« Senior Mr. Gay, of the National Ho
tel at Washington, bears quite a likeness
to General Cass and upon this the corres
pondeni of the N. Y. Timet tells tbe fol
lowing story
A Stranger, who supposed he knew mine
host very well put up at the National the
other night. Since this hou.se become the
crack hotel at the capital, it is quite full
at this time, and the new-cotner was nec
essarily, for the first night sent to the up
per floor to sleep. Coming down stairs
the next morning, a little cross, he met
General Cass there, who bus a fine suite
of rooms in tbe hall, stepped up to him,
and in language more forcible and rapid
than elegant, said
"I'll be d—d if I'll stand it. You've
put me at the top of tbe house. I must
have a room somewhere lower down."
General Cass interposing and nervously
—"Sir, you are mistaken in the person
you are addressing. I am General Cass
of Michigan
Stranger, (confusedly.) "Beg your par
don. General Cass—thought it was my old
friend Gay. Beg a thousand pardons, sir.
All a mistake, all a mistake, i assure you,
Tbe General passed out of tbe building,
but soon returned, and as luck would have
it the stranger met him full in the face
again, but in another position. This time
he was sure he had mine host, for the Sen
ator from Michigan he knew had just gone
out. So the stranger stepped bodly up,
slapped the General heartily and familiar
ly on the shoulder, exclaimed
"By heavens, Gay, I've got a rich sell
to relate- I met old Cass up stairs, just
now, thought it was you, and began curs
ing him about my room."
General (.'ass, (with emphasis.) '"Well
young man, you've met old Cast again1"
Stranger sloped, and hasn't been heard
of since.
The Oldest Cltjr.
DAMASCUS is the oldest city ia tb world
Tyre and Sidon have crumbled on the
shore Baal bee is a ruin Palmyra is bur
ied n the sand of the desert Ninevah and
Babylon have disappeared from tbe Tigris
and Euphrates Damascus remains what
it was before the days of Abram—the cen
tre of trade and travel—an inland of ver
dure in a desert—"a predestined capital"
with martial nnd sacred associations ex
tending through more than thirty cent'l
ries- It w is near Damascus that Saul of
Tarsus saw the light from heaven above
the brightness of lbs sun the street which
is called Strait, in which it is said he pray
ed, still runs through the city. The cara
van comes and goes as it did a thousand
years ago there are still the sheik, the
ass and the water-wheel the merchants
of the Euphrates still occupy these waters
with the multitude of their vessels.
NOT A BABY.—Nelly a three year old
girl of our acquaintance was riding in the
cars with her mother, a few days since,
when a lady rrmarked—
"Thai's a pretty baby."
The little girl's eyes flashed fire as (he
drew bersell up to her fullest height |pd
"1 aia't a baby I K«» boote and I
wear hoops I"
Mr l)r. Franklin said "When I see a
bouse well furnished with books and news
papers, there If see iulelligeut and well iu
tunned children but il there are no books
or papers, Ifao ihiiiw w igiof I, if Ml
The ISVIM srBa|l*a4sa4 Frsac*.
Some interesting particulars relative to
tbe strength of the naval forces of the two
great maritime Powers of Europe may be
gleaned from tbe speech of Sir John Pak
iagton, the first lord of tbe Admiralty, to
tbe House of Commons, on laying before
it tbe nary estimates for 1859. It appears,
from tbe statisties given by that the navy
of France has been augmented to an enor
mons degree, and may well excite tbe se
rious apprebensioua whicb seems to be
entertained in England as to the unusual
activity now prevailing in the Freuch dock
yards. The supremacy acquired by En
gland over France at sea, during the long
war (1794—1814) at tbe beginning of tbia
century, was mainly owing to tbe superior
seamanship and bodily strength of tbe En
glish sailors aud to the extensive commer
cial marine cf England, which furnished
her with the means of recruiting the losses
sbe sustained, Franue in the latter respect,
having but little to fall back upon. A na
val war now, however, would be decided
by very different means. In the old time
gunnery was little studied, the rule being
to go so near to tbe enemy that you could
not miss him. Tbe artillery used on board
sbip was of small'calibre—18,24 aud 32
pounders, but chiefly the former being the
weight of metal employed, eo that, what
with bad ganuery and small guns, was not
suprising that a bailie ti.ould last several
To our own navy belongs the merit of
orginating the cysts
in of taking aim with
precision, OKiiig a cannon as you would
a rifle, and employing guns of heavier cal
ibre, and ships of largpr si/e to work them
in. Tbe fatal eflet of these improvements
were felt by tbe English, in the numerous
frigate actions of the war of 1812, but tho°
admitted by them, the red tapeism of tbe
tory miuisters from that period to the year
18:0, prevented all improvement in En
glish naval tactics. Tbe French, however
were in advance nf their neighbors, and
set to work to introduce into their navy a
perfect system of gunnery and of naval
discipline, which speedily raised it to an
equality with, if not to suptrioitv ove* the
British navy. The admirality, startled by
the repeated remonstrances and warnings
of intelligent spectators, of what was going
on io the French ports, at length opened
their sleepy eyes, and having rubbed them
well and pat on their s ectacles, saw that
there was something in it. Their facul
ties were further sharpened by the revol
ution of July, at
which roused the
war spirit of the world, and made it evi
dent that the sword was not yet oon
verted into a plowshare, nor the spesr in
to a pruniug book. A school for trainiog
seaman in the s -ientitic use of heavy guns
was formed, sud the old 74 guns ship
"Excellent,'' which bad been quitely rot
ting for some venrs, in Portsmouth har
bor, was converted into a naval college for
gunnery, and placed under tbe care of
Captain (now Sir Thomas) Hastings.—
Guns of the very heaviest calibre 'were
planted, nnd in a short time great prog
ress was made in the practice. From this
school, gunuers lor tbe British navy have
since been suppl:»l.
The introduci .on of steam vessels of war
b*s uiade another vital change in naval
tactics in fact it baa superceded sailing
vessels, and therefore rendered compara
lively useless, tbe ancient seamanship for
which the English were famous. Bearing
in mind, we shall bo able to form a more
correct estimate of the relative maritime
strength of the two countries at tbe pres
ent time, when, in fact two vessuls, one
French, one English, of equal size and
weight of armameDt, would be as nearly
as possible male tied.
According to the statement of Sir John
Pakington, England will have before the
end of the year 47 line of-battle ships,
mostly powerfully two-deckirs, of 90 guns
and at tbe end of l860,6(i. The number
of steam frigates will be augmented from
34 to 43, by building a new ones, and con
verting 4 of the sailing frigates into steam
vessels. Thus, (apart lrom sailing frigates
corvettes, sloops of-war, &c., iu:.,) Eng
land will have 101 first clas-. ships fur line
fighting then there are uiurtar vessels,
gunboat*, flouting batteries, and block
ships, of wbii we have not the details at
hand. And to man this powerful licet,
the House of Commons voted 12,481) men.
According to the statement, France, has
or will have before the end of the vear, -10
line of-battle ships, and 42 steam-frigates,
eight of which are now building. She has
also a strong force of gun-boats and
er vessels, but iu this arm she is decided
ly inferior to England. However, for
lighting in line, the two nations will be
nearly ou an equal footing. And if they
should combine against us we shall have
to face Htiline-of battle ships, and H.'I s'.eain
frigates, lieside* hundreds of smaller Yes
sels, which would barrass every port creek,
and nook along oifr coast. What sort of
force could w« raise within one year to
oppose this
Mir John Pakington gave some details
of the relative state of English and French
navios at different periods, from whicb we
Knglaiid bftit:
t. 'U. rrUsl.
VflM«s b*4
In Ut«..... iU *1
1KB 1M
1K4U. SS
l»Su W
The disparity belvew th« nkiiv*
strength of the two nations in 1812 and
1820, is most remarkable, Franca having
little more than one-third the number of
ships and men that England had in the
first mentioned year—while now she is al
most on an equality with her rival. More
over, tbe navy of England is scattered over
the world, while that of France is mainly
in her dock-yards or in the Mediterranean
and could be concentrated at a given spot
in a few days.
There is however, one element that
must not be overlooked in estimating the
maritime strength of the two nations, and
that is the meansof recruiting. Here Eog
land has greatly the advantage. A disas
trous battle could be more easily retreived
by her than by France, cwing to the ex
tent of her commercial marine, her great
wealth nnd her immense mechanical re
sources. The enormous military arma
ments of France are draining her, and sbe
could not sustain a war of two years' du
ration (as was proved in the Crimean war,)
unless sbe could quarter her armies on
the enemy, as the first Napoleon did, or
borrow money wherewith to carry on tbe
contest and where could she do that?—
England scarcely felt the cost of the Uus
sain war, though it eat up $20,000,000 in a
very short time, and when it ended sbe
bad just made up bor mind that it was
time to begin in earnest.—Philadelphia
A sljr Hit at Fasblowablc Cfcwrcfecs.
The New York I'isitiny Post has pjb
lished the alleged translation of Moham
med Pacha's Letters on America. Iu his
last letter bis Highness visits one of tbe
chnrches in New York
"On a sunny morning of tbe first day of
second week of my sojourn here, I reques
ted my young fellow-lodger, at the St.
Nicholas, to conduct me to one of the nu
merous sanctuaries. He proposed that we
should visit the Church of the Shining Ka
leidescope, and we went thither. On our
entering the sacred edifice, tbe sexton re
ceived us quite coolly, as if to say. "What
business have you in this establishment?''
But when my companion opened his coat
and displayed a diamond breastpin of inor
dinate size the face of the official blossom
ed with smiles, and he conducted us to an
excellent pew in the central side.
My attention was first attracted by the
unique decorations of the walls and ceil
ing. The principal colors used in the work
of adornment were light blue, bright yel
low and deep red, each endeavoring to dis
play itself to tbe best advantage. Their
effect when combined with all the other
tints of the rainbow shed through the stain
ed glass windows, was somewhat remark
able and I observed that a portly lady
just behind ine bad, as a result of the play
of light, a green forehead, a blue nose, yel
low lips, purple chin, orange hair, and a
patch of deep violet over the- left eye. In
deed, I had observed no such sterling style
of ornamentation any where else, except
i in the brilliant restaurant of Mr. Taylor,
in Broadway. Wonderful, oh my Lybian
lion, is the power of association—for such
was the influence of this paint upon my
imagination that I came near asking the
usher, who was promenading the eisle, to
I bring me a lamb stuffed wi'.h pistachio
nuts and a vase of ice sherbert.
"The services commenced presently, by
reading ou the part of a person who occu
i pied a room iu the rear of the building,
and responses from a portion of the con
I gregation. The reader pitched his voice
so that it seemed to issue from his toes,
and you may judge therefore that his in
tonations were hardly natural (since he did
I not stand on his head) but as It was his
office to deal with the supernatural itmav
be presumed that such sepulchral utteran
ces were appropriate to the occasion.
"Next came a song of praise by four
persons in the organ lol't. How beautiful
ly they warbled. I was carried straight
back to the opera with its pride and pomp
of scenic illusion, intoxicating sounds,
brilliant eyes, brilliant jewels, daziling toil
ettes, immaculute kids. Tbe soprano led
nf)' with a splendid staccato passage, in
which the high notes dai.ced aud capered
like lambs ou a hill-side. Tlieu she ceas
ed, and tbe teuor took up the strain, ami
prolonged it with clear trumpet tones
then he stopped, and the contralto sang a
few tweet notes and lastly, the basso ad
ded his voice to the others, and the whole
i party commenced a terrific Ntruggle for
I the supremacy in the final fiij.uio. The
contest was exciting, and th* result doubt
ful for a few moments, but at last the so
was victorious, ending with a tre
mendous thrill, which iiitirely silmced her
antagonists. I lifted my hands to applaud
put was checked by my friend, who inform
ed me that, iwevur delighted I might be
with UM performance, I must not express
my gratification in the same way that I
would at the Academy of Mu«in. Though
this distinction seeiO 'd to b'» rather nicely
drawn, I of course yielded the sugges
tion of bis experience."
liT A gentleman asked n nsgro if be
would not have a pinch of snuff. "No,"
replied the darkey, rcspecfully,
4fu i*
«f (tiw od
!4rw..i»i-' srd It
ftp* SAU.V JIIMM sas that when she
was in love, she lelt as if she was in a tun
nel, with a stream of molnsse* rHtnltg In
at both eudi~~o( the lunnul!
HYKON PAVHK, lUpublicau, is elected
Btiprame Court Judge in Wisooaain.
William IV expired about midnight, if
we remember right, at Windsor Palace.
Tbe Archbishop of Canterbury, with oth
er peers and high functionaries of tbe king
dom were in attendance. As soon as tbe
"scepter had departed" with the last breath
of the kiug, tbe Archbishop quitted Wind,
sor Castle and made his way with all pos
sible speed to Kensington Palace, tbe res
idence at that tune of the Princess, (alrea
dy, by the kw of succession, Queen) Vic
toria. He arrived long before daylight,
announced himself and requested an im
mediate interview with the princess. 8he
hastily attired herself, and met the vener
able prelate in her ami-room. He inform
ed her of the demise of William, aud for
merly announced to ber that she was, in
law and right, successor to the deceased
monarch. "The sovereignty of the most
powerful nation of the earth lay at tbe feet
of a girl of eighteen." She was, de ju re
queen of the ouly realm, in fact or history
"ou which the sun never sets." She was
deeply agitated at the formal words, so
fraught with blessing or calamity." The
first words she was able to ulier were these
'1 ask your prayers in my behalf." They
kneeled together and Victoria inaugura
ted her reign like tbe young king of Isre
al in olden time, by asking from tlit Most
high, who ruleth in the kingdoms of men,
"an understanding heart to judge so great
a people, who could not bo numbered or
counted for multitude."
Tbe sequel of her reign has been wor
thy of such
beginning. Every throne
in Europe has toUered since that day.—
Most of them have been for a time over
turned. That of England was never so
firmly seated in the loyalty and love of the
people as at this hour. Queen Victoria
enjoys a personal influence, too—tbe heart
fell homage paid to her as a wife, a moth
er, a friend and a benefactor to the poor,
a Christian woman—incomparably wider
and greater than that of any monarch now
reigning. Sbe is loved at home and ad
mired abroad. In America there exists a
more profound and abiding respect for
Victoria than, perhaps, for any oaa living
person. Being a practical people, we rec
ognize and appreciate the value of her ox
ample to lulers and tbe ruled .—Ledger.
My hounds wore once chasing my tame
deer, and in jumping through a pair of
bars he broke one of his horns short off.
'Twas three years after this before he was
killed, but his horns never grew out again.
Once a year, there grows a down over
their horns which seems to annoy them
very much and iu the western forest 1
have often seen tbem rubbing their horns
among the bushes and brambles, which
seemed to give them relief. This sin
soon sheds off, and many old hunters term
this shedding their horns. Hence the be
lief so prevalent that deer shed their horns
Tbe instance mentioned by the Journal's
correspondent is a very remarkable one,
audi doubt if a similar occurrence will
ever be witnessed.
1 have killed deer in several of theSouth
eru and Western States, California aud
South America, aud never have seen a
large male deer without large horns, lie
spectfully yours, PonuDtm.
np.einc Uravlty.
"What was the subject of Mr, A—'s last
lecture *aid a young man who professed
to be much attached to lectures, and hud
attended a series on natural philosophy
for a number of winters.
"It was Specific Gravity, and a very
interesting lecture it was."
"Specilic Grauty 1 do not exactly un
derstand what that is," said tho inquirer
—"what is it 7"
Why, it is difficult to describe but it
is a round peico of silver, or tin, a little
larger thau a dollar, and having a hole
through il Mr. A. hud one iu bis hand, and
described it very accurately. It is very
ingenious invention, aud every mechanic
ought tO understand how to use it."
RSIUSMI I ouauUdatlMS*
We learn from tho Davenport Gtwtl*,
that the Iowa Southern and Keokuk 4 Ne
braska Railroads, hate been consolidated,
and tbe following Oll.cjrs duly elected:
yuu—Pomp's nose not hungry."
Prvsidvut -H. II. Low« Vice Pnun
d«nl--l)r. Elbert Secretary—F. Mayue
and Treasurer—Edwin Munuiug.
lor "Did you ever know such n me
chanical gvuius as »y sou said an old
lady, "lie has made a fiddle out of his
w v. WW .• *A'j 9.
'it a »,{
irt'ijiitii,#!!!) ifal I't 3
•:c« i I'n.
.- .1 •. i rii i. fcm -jfc.
I Wtlk Softly.
The tiniest pebble thrown sea-ward
from tbe beach, causes a wavelet, whose
influences are felt for unnumbered leagues
out upon old ocean's bosom. The suites,
whisper excites vibrations in the atmos
phere around us, which cease not this
side the boundless ether so the act or
thought of an immortal man, however in
significant, may color a lifetime, may leave
influences which shall not cease, until time
shall bo no longer influences for good or
evil, to millions of immortals like himself,
for unending ages. These things beinj
so, it would seem that every act shuald be
felt a responsibility, and every thought a
prayer. Let us walk softly then, or at
least with a motive an4 a wish for good.
A crust of bread thrown tbougtlessly by
a fellow student, made Prescott, in a mess
ure, sightless for near half a century. An
ill-limed jest has severe 1 many a warm
friendship, aud planted bitterness for a
lifetime, where oufibt to have welled up the
warmest, and purest and loveliest springs
of our nature. Many a time and oft, has
a frown, a harsh word, an unfeeling or
contemptuous gesture, crashed resolves
forever, which were budding to a new and
thauged and better life. Header, let us
all work softly then by day and by uight,
at home aud abroad, iua»muth, as for ev
ery step iu life, we must give account at
the judgement—JIill'.i Jiiirwil of Health.
PtKUHiocs.—Late eight before Inst the
County Clerk was awakened from a re
freshing slumber somewhere toward the
small hours of night, by a vigorous knock
ing at the front door. He- auswerej tbe
summons and found a lan! anxious look
ing individual at the door, who seemed
tremendously "put up" about something.
Well, my friend
Deer don't shed their Horns.
Mr. Editor A correspoh lent of the
Georgia Educational Journal, residing in
Hy'le Co N. C., answers the question,
what becomes of the deer's horns by say
ing that all deers on shedding their horns
bury tbem. But the idea thai all male
deer shed their horns is certainly a delu
Twenty years ago, in tbe portion of Lo«
isiana in which I resided, deer were very
numerous. Nearly every farmer owned
at least one tatne dear some owned half
a dozen. 1 know several instances of their
living to the age of ten years, and never
knew one to shed bis horns. 1 have con
versed often with Arkansas hunters upon
this subject, and I never knew one to up
bold tbe argument that deer shed their
1 want a license. I've just got in town
with Widder and we want to hitch
it right off."
A i .icenbe I A d—11 Why man how
do you expect a License this time o'night?''
'*0! 1 must have the dockyment. You
see tbey charge a feller so much at
these ere hotels, that my pile won't bold
out. I can't afford to pay for two beds
to-aighi anyhow
Our Clerk, who is a very decided wag,
told him the "thing couldn't be did," but
that the want of a license needn't inter
fere with bis pile, as he eould get it early
in tbe morning. The individual departed
for his "widder"—what effect his commu
nication had on her, or bow the "two bed"
difficulty was arranged, we know not.—
IJubvqtn• Erj'rvsft ,{• li rahf.
following curious extract from Frank
Moore's ''Diary of the revolution," will be
news to the community at large,
"November3. At Edmonton on Wednes
day, a gibbet was erected, under which a
load of wood was laid, an! from the gib
bet hung a iigure, with a mast for a face
and on its breast a label with this iuscrip
tioa, "'Washington, General of the Amer
icans." In the evening the General and
the gibbet were ru lucej ashes."—Hie
iivjUm's Rij'il izeti'J in. 1?78,
IA-The Supreme C»urt of this Stale
has decided that those who wi-h to ue
their lan Is are bound to fence against cat
ll", and that in all suits for the trespass of
cattle or stock, the pl.iintitf, in nrder to
recover damages, must show that his fence
was sullicientto turn ordinary cattle. This
ruling changes the burden of proof, and
compels the plaintiff not only to prove
damages, but also to prove that his fences
were suthcient, instead of compelling the
defendant to provo insufficiency of fences
to avoid damages.
WSf 1' slate 1 iu English papers that
Shakespear's tomb is soon to have the
shrill whistle of railroad progress to dis
turb the calm air around it. The "first
tod" was turned lately on a projected rail
road between tho towu of Stratford on-Av
ou aud llattin. 'To this complexion
must we come at last,"
The Czar of Russia has conceded to a
joint stock company tbe construction of
railway from the Don to tbe Volga.
19* An honest son of Erin, green from
his peregrinations, put his head into a law
yer's olli,e and asked the inmate:
"An' what do you sell here?"*
"Blockheads," replied the limb of the
"Och, tbin to b« sure," said Pat, "it
must bo a good trade, for I tee there is
but one of them left,"
TIONIKD WORDS.—1"Come here sissy,'
ssid young gentleman to a little girl, to
whose sister he was paying his addresses
"you arc the sweetest thing on earth."
No 1 ain't," she replied, "sister says
you arc the sweetest."
The gentlcmau popped the question the
next day.
Da TOCIJCKVJU.«.—Accounts ooase front
Nice concerning Alexander da Tocque
ville, who is now quite blind and la.it d«
oliuing bis accomplished wife soothed
his sickness by readiug to kiln, but sbe
has at last been bereft of voice, and oan
make bersell beard no longer.
IN A i. I'M HI AT Titus.—Somebody
mice remarked thai thu Englishman is
never happy but when bo is miserable
the Acoiohiuan is never at home but .then
he Is abroad and the Irlihuiai) is n«m
•I poact but when h* is tifbtiuf.
NO. 41.
Taking Jtcrelyt.
"Pat Malone, you are fined five dollarr
for assault and battery on Mike Sweeny."
I have the tuoiiuy in my pocket, aud
I'll pay tbe fine if your honor will give ma
tho resale."
"We give no receipts here. We just
take tbe required money. You will not
be called np on a second time to pay your
"But yer honor will not be wanting mo
to pay the same till after I get the resatc.'*
''And whet do you want to do with the
receipt if"
"If yer honor will write one and give it
to me, I'll tell yer."
"Well theie's your ree«i|rt. Xow what
do you want with it
"I'll tell yer honor. You see one of
these days I'll be dying, and when I go to
the gate of heaven 111 rap. and St. Peter y
will say, "who's there and I'll say
"it's mo Pat. Malone," and he'll say, "what
do you want?" and I'll say, I want to
come in," and he'll say, "did you behave
like a dacent boy in tbe other world, ami
pay al! the fines and such things and
I'll say, "yes, yer holiness," an then he'll
want to sec the rebate, and I'll pat my
hands in my pocket arid lake out uiy re
sate and give it to him, and I'll not havo
to go plo Jdin' all over hell to find yer hou
or to gel one."
Tbe Voice ofihr Wkangdoodlr*.
A whang-doodle," hard-shell p.-oaeh
er wound up a faming scr^uuU W.'.li ibis
magnificent peoratiou
brethern and cistern! of a man's
full of religion voo cant hurt him I Thar
was the Arabian cbilJren the* pat 'em
in a fiery furnace, hrattd seven time hot
ter than it coulj be hct, at.d it didn't sin^e
a har on their heds Atid thar was John
tbe Evangeler they put him—and wbar
do yu think brethering & sister, they put
him Why they put him in a caladronic
of bilen ile, and biled him all night and it
didn't faze bis shell. And thar was Dan
iel they put him into a lion's den at.d
what ray feller truvlers and respeetcJ au
ditors, do you think he was put into tbo
lion's den for? Why I p-.-ayiu' three
times a day. Don't be n'armed, bretti
ring and sisters! I don't think any ofyeu
will ever get into a lion's den l—Harp'ra
m- We see, from some of our exehan
g' S, there is a new mode upon the Balti
more and Ohio Railroad of ticketing pas
sengers. The company at this timo IUU
Carrying over the road a large number of
bogs, for the sale and d.-livery of which
the conductors are held resjionsible. Tho
conductor at the depot where the hogs are
rei'( ived on board ibe cars, cuts off each
hog's tail, and carefully keeps tbem unt 1
he arrives at the place of
destination, where
the ag"ut comes out, aud as each bog
wakes his exit, hollows out "hog," in an
swer to which the conductor says tail,
and. of course, if the number of hogs and
tails correspond, il is all ri^iit.
PitoT'KinAPHie Ci liiosmts.—ATr. Ama
dio, of London, whose portrait of'Charles
Dickens, no larger then a pin's point, was
lately noticed in the papers, has produced
a view of Westminister Bridge, with tl.o
House ofParlimcut and Westminister Ab
bey, within a space not larger than the
eye of a worsted needle. Also, a portrait
of a voutb. which is only just Ivger tha'i
a INK die's point, but when magnified is aj
perfect as any mcmab'ij likeness.
"Jones was reported dead of ya'-
i low jack last summer and being sudden
ly met in Mobile, was accosted by a cron\:
"llilloa, Jones You? I heard you was
dead.*' "Hush, Sam! speak low. Yo i
see, conlidentially, I am dead but being
rather snccumscribed, I am walking about
to save funeral ir/Kiif-t'. I'll take a Lctlc
of the spiritual, eetiy bow. Come in I
la illustration of tbe power of elo­
quence, it is stated that the llev. George
Trask, of Fitchburg, lectured in,Web-,ter
Mass., a few days ago, against the use of
tobacco, with such effect that several of
of bis.audience went home aud burnt their
cigars—holding one eud of them in their
mouths. ____
Brr.t.s have been received from ftomo
for the appointment of lit. liev. l)r. Dug
gan to be Bishop of Chicago: the Ht. Kev.
Dr. Grace, Vicar General of Tennesson
to be Bishop of St. Paul, and the lit.
Dr. Gorman. Prior of New Mount Mellary
to be Vicar Apostle to Nebraska.
glgf* Somebody ivWerti»es for agwtl to
sell a work entitled, 'Hymuuial Instructor.'
The best by menial instructor we kn^w ol",
is a young widow. What she dou'l know
there is uo use in learning.
A green 'un who had never before
seen a steamboat, fell through the hatch
way down into the hold, and being unhut!,
thus loudly expressed his surprise—"Well
if tho darned thing ain't holler."
igy* "My Gcrmau friend, how long bar*
you been uiarrivd?"
"N ell, dis i« a ting vat I seldom don't
like to talk about but ven I does, it mm
to me »o long a* it never vas."
IBT* Heine tells of a man *ho was si
I'ond of notoriety, that he asserted him *tif
to having stoleu spoon* lrom the raja' ta
ble, that people might Unttfe 4M
with the King,

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