Newspaper Page Text
THE BILLINGS HERALD.
VOL. III. BILLINGS, MONTANA, SATURDAY, DECEMBER 27. 1884. NO. 31 OFFICIAL DIRECTORY. FEDERAL DIRECTORY. Delegate to Congress...Martin Slag!mil*, Helen« Uorernor (acting)...........John 8. Tooker, Helen« Secretary......-.................John S. Tooker, Helena Treasurer...,.......................D. H. Weston, Helena auditor........................... J. P. Wool man, Helena Chief Justice..................Decius 8. Wade, Helena . , . . f W. J. Galbraith Associate Justices....................(JohnCoburn District Attorney_____ H. N. Blake, Virginia City. Surveyor General............Johns. Harris, Helena V. 8. Marshal..................Alex. C. Botkin, Helena COUNTY OFFICERS. Members of the Legislature...... j n? Erwfn° W BheHIT............................-.......... y/ôhn R - u inK J Clerk and Recorder.........................--F.W. Lee Deputy Clerk District Court............John Tinkler Judge of Probate............................... Jas. R. Goss Assessor ............................... F. M. 1 reneh Surveyor ........................................ S. R. Oldaker Coronet ........................................J M. Rinehart Superintendent of Schools.............. B. F. Shuart (W. B. Webb Commissioners......................... •< E. 8. Tntt (Omar Hoskins TOWN OF BILLINGS. ... , » rj. D. Mathcson J «slices of the Peace................. tu T> Allen Constables...............J. H. Bloom, Henry Vielter Road Supervisor.......................M. B. Radcmaker Fire Warden.........-.................. «V. H. VanSinden Business Cards. ■g 8. SCOTT, D. D. 8., J DENTIST. All work known to the profession carefully per formed. Office adjoining T. It. Mallon <& Co.'s meat market. g A KELLEY, M. D. PHYSICIAN AND SURGEON. Office In Montana Lumber Co.'s Building. Office hours 1 to 4 p. m. Telephone connecting office and residence. J n. RINEHART, M. D. PHYSICIAN AND SURGEON. U. 8. Examining Surgeon, Pension Bureau. Of fico adjoining T. R. Mallon A Co.'s Meat Market. g M. PARKER, M. D., PHYSICIAN AND SURGEON. County Physician, Local Surgeon N. P. Beneficial Association, and Physician to Board Of Health. Office in II. II. Bole* Co.'s »rug Store. g N. HARWOOD, ATTORNEY-AT-LAW. Office throo doors East of Rank. Montana Avc. Billings. M. T. Q F. GODDARD, ATTORNEY-AT-LAW. Belknap's Block. Up Stairs, g M, PROCTOIt! ATTORNEY-AT-LAW, 021 oe in Belknap Block, Montana Av. Billings. gAMPORT * OLDAKER. Civil Engineers and Surveyors. Office over L. II. Fenskc's Buiklimr. FRENCH CAFE. Choice lunch ! Meals at all hours ! Board by the day or week! JOSEPH PAROUE. Billings Bakery P, YEGEN & CO., Props. Wheat and Rye Bread, Rolls. Pies, Cakes, Confectionery, etc FSSSa BBEAP E-7XBT S-A/ST Campers and Freighters will find it their advantage to give us a call. 8. W. SOULE, — DEALER IN — Cigars and Tobaccos, Fruits, Confectionery, Etc. BILLINGS, - MONTANA. STresla. 2v£iHz DELIVERED DAILY j&jt Lowsst liâtes ! GEO. \. BERKEY. WHEATLEY BROS., NEW--- Lively,Feed! Sale Stable^ w. Oats and Baled Hay in Quantity' Best Horses and Turn-Outs in Town 6E0. BRECKENRID6E. SupL Tweatv-SixtbStreet rear of Feoake'buUdisg. » • • ...... . • " First National Bank — OF — BILLINGS, MONTANA. (Successors to'Stcbbius, Mund&'Co.) Authorized Capital $250,000 Paid-upICapital $75,500. OFFICERS, STOCKHOLDERS AND DIRECTORS: »V. R. STEBBINS, Prest. W. L. PECK. Vice-ITest H. H. MUND, Cashier. II. L. RICHARDSON, Asst-Cosh P W. McADOW, JOHN McGINNESS, JOHN R. KING. G. A. GRIGGS, J. W. COLLINS. FREDERICK BILLINGS. N. Y, City, W. G. REEVE. Peru, 111., S. J. ANTHONY, Denver, Col. Tr iimct a General Ba iking Business. Collections promptly made and remitted for. H. H. MUND, Cashier. L. H. FENSKE, Wholesale Dealer in Wines,Liquors And Cigars. FINEST BRANDS is the MARKET Prices Equal to St. Paul or Chicago. Freight Shipped at our Risk. Agents fob Val. Blatz' Milwaukee Beer. Billings. Montana EASTERN LUMBER, :Sash, Doors," BUILDING PAPER. ALSO LUMBER ' CEDAR SHINGLES - -AND CEDAR POSTS FROM MISSOULA, --AT THE-- PIONEER SAW-MILL BILLINGS, Native Lumber in Abundance. PRICES TO SUIT THE TIMES. A. S. Douglass, Billings, M. T. F OS ter ADDITION. Three Blocks From Depot Worth ol Buildings Ersetsd m this Addition Last Year, Including " Church, School House and Jail. HIGH AND DRY. TIa.oroALg'ii ürainagre. Every Lot Can be Irrigated. Abundance of Water. TITLE PERFECT. Special Inducements to Parties Who Will Build. For Plats and Prices App y to FRED H. FOSTER, With J. R. KING. Montana Avc. BILL! ABB iT I J. Ryan's Brick Building. This is The Most Attractive Place of Entertainment in Town, THE CLUB ROOMS Up Stairs are Furniniied in Ele gant Style, and The Bill!surd. TDaTolss Are The Best to be Found in The Country. -o-- JOS. RYAN, Proprietor. Merchants Hotel E. M. RICHARDSON, Prop, Minnesota Avenue, BILLINGS MONTANA The Merchants Hotel has iast been Refitted and Re furnished and is kept in ürst- class style; is central ly located and the travel ing public will find it the most pleasant hotel in the city . Board by the day or week on Reasonable Terms. PETEB PEEOE, — Dealer in — Stationery and Fruit. tatest Publications at hand. Local Newspapers. Fruit received freshly every train. THE PARSON'8 COMFORTER. [Frederick Langbridge iu Good Words.] The parson goes about his daily ways With all the parish troubles in his hand; And takes his Bible out, and reads and prays Beside the sufferer's chair, the dying bed. Whate'er the secret skeleton may be, Doubt, drink, or debt, that keeps within his lair, When pai-son conic's, the owner turns the key, And let's him out to squeak and g!brn;r there. It seems a possibility unguessed, Or little borne in mind, if haply known, That be who cbeors in trouble all the rest May now and then have trouble, of his own Alns! God knows, he has his f c* to fight, His closet-atomy, severe and grim; All others, claim his comfort as of right, But, hapless parson! who shall comfort hi ml A friend he has to whom he may repair Besides that One who carries all our grief; Ami when his load is more than he can bear He seeks his comforter, and finds relief. Ho finds a cottage, very poor and small, The meanest tenemout where all are mean; Yet decency and order mark it all: The panos are bright, the steps evere'.y clean. Sometimes, but seldom, neighbors hoar'her moan, Wrung by some sudden stress of fiercer pain; Often they hear her pray, but none bas known, No single soul has heard her lip ; complain. The parson onto red, and a gracious smile Over the poor, pinched features brightly grows; - She lets the needles rest a little while: "You're kindly welcomo, sir!"—an! that he knows. He takes the book and opens at the place, _ No need to ask Ler which her favorite psalm; And, os he reads, upon her tortured face There comes a holy rapture, deep and calm. She murmurs softly with him as he reads (8he can repeat the Psalter through at will:) "He feeds me in green pastures, and He leads, He leads me forth besides the waters still." He lifts the latch; his comforter is there, Propt in the bed, where now for weeks she stays, Or. haply, seated knitting in her chair, If this be one of those rare "better days." A tiny woman, stunted, lent, and thin; Her features sharp with pain that always wakes; The nimble hand she holds the needles in Is warped and wrenched by dire rheumatic aches. Sometimes she gets a grateful change of pain, Sometimes for half a day she quits her bed; And, lying, sitting, crawls to bel again; Always she knits; her needles are her bread. Too well she kuows what 'tls a meal to miss, Often the grate has not a coal of tire; She has no hope of better things than tliLs; Iho future darkens, suffering grows more dire. Where will they take her, if betide it should Her stiffened hand the needles cannot ply? Not to the workhouse—God is very good; He know3 her weakness—Ho will let her die. *Yea, through death's shadowy valley though I tread, I will not fear, for Thou dost show the way; Thy holy oil is poured upon my head, Thy loving kindness follows me for aye. The reading's done, anl now the prayer is said; He bids farewoll, and leaves her to her pain: But grace and blessing on his soul are shed— He goes forth comforted and strong again. s his way, Abler to plead, and warn, and comfort woo; That is the darkest house on all his round, And yet, be sure, the happiest house he knows. Will it not ease, poor soul, thy restless bed, And make thee more content, if that can be. To know that from thy suffering, balm is shed, ' That comsovts him who comes to comfort thee?___ THE BOSTON GIRL. matter» Wliereln She DilTcr» from the New York tiirl. [New York Mail and Express.] I know plenty of young men who con trive to have a great deal of cheap fun lit the expense of the average Boston girl. The newspapers, pictorial week lies and even the magazines foster them in it. Some of the girls, to be sure, are curious creatures, but many whom the New' Yorker in Boston lias met are re markably nice and first-rate people to know. To be sure, Ihey are wholly dif ferent from tho young ladies he is ac customed to meet at home. They have more substance, but less sparkle. A New Yorker feels constrained to be careful what he says and how he says it. After an hour's chat he goes away feeling very tired, and his heart doesn't bound with delight at au invitation to call again. He doesn't feel half so sorry to go as ho does after a little witch in his own city has been entertaining him. lie feels a strong desire to go home and read up. For the street the Boston girl dresses plainly but expensively, and with an ut ter disregard of what in New York is called style. She neither seems to know nor to care how to pul on her clothes to the best effect. A female rela tive ot the New Yorker tells him that they are very thorough; that beneath * he plain skirt of a Boston damsel you will never see a cheap or soiled linen underskirt, but clean and costly as her purse will allow. This female relative asserts, moreover, that with many New York maidens who mako considerable outward display, the reverse is the case. Many an expensive silk raiment, hides from all but the critical of her own sex a shockingly untidy petticoat. As this is altogether out of my bailiwick, I drop it with a mere statement of tho facts. The Boston girl won't flirt, in the street. She comports herself as though conscious that every one was looking at her. She is not so hardened and indif ferent to the opinion of strangers by constant contact with all phases of met ropolitan life as a New York girl is This applies not only to young ladies who have nothing in the world to do but to dress, amuse themselves and find a husband, but to the girls who must work for a living in the shops and offices. The rollicking army on Fourteenth street auy evening after 6 o'clock would shock and disgust them. They march along home by twos and threes, looking neither to the right nor left, with what Howells has' called the "sad pa tience of uncourted women." They are the perfection of all that is demure and discreet. The young men, on the other hand, pay no atten tion to them. They push on to their homes with all haste, and hurry off to spend the evenings among others of their sex in one of the many gymna siums, schools, reading-room3, billiard parlors and like resorts which Boston seems to have provided in abundance for growing youth. At a large seaside skating rink last evening, where thou sands of young people rattled around on rollers for an evening's fascinating en ! I I ! ! ! , i joyment, I noticed scores of yôung women sitting arou d on the benches, skating only now and then with a chance male companion or gliding along tho smooth floor in lonely grandeur. Fully as many young men, too, skatod by themselves or sat staring at tho girls. "Why don't some of those fellows summon up courage and assist the ladies?'' I asked my companion. "Oh," he answered with an astonished look, "that wouldn't do in Boston, A young man would be put from the build ing if he spoke to a lady without an in troduction." It was actually forbidden in the printed rules. Fancy the condition of affairs in the big rink at Coney island. The particular set of Now York maidens who go to places of that kind without an es cort are quite sharp enough to skate with a susceptible young man without per mittihg him to cause them any annoy ing or inconvenient recognition after ward. After all, New York girls are a little hardened and blinded by custom. They are always in for a lively time, but the Boston girl can swamp them with [hop the waiters in ice-cream saloons keep book lamin'. Even the shop girls and books with the leaves turned down, and store their minds with knowledge which they hope to make useful during a lull in trade. THE ENGLISH CREDIT SYSTEM. Tho English Retail Buxine«» In • Nutshell-Lord Tom Noddy. [Kate Field's London Letter.] So ingrained is the system of giving credit in this country that, glad as tradesmen are to waive cash, they as a rule entertain much less regard for such clients than for those who run up enor mous bills of one, two and three years' duration. In fact, the former are made to suffer for the short—or at least long —comings of tho latter. "Why do you charge us so exorbit antly for a brougham?" 1 asked our car riage man the other day. "We pay weekly, and yet your prices are as high as though you waited a year for your money." "Well, you see," replied tho man, "wo can't afford to discount. We've a groat many grand patrons, to whom we arc obliged to give long credit, and wo must charge cash customers high prices in order to be able to trust the others, by whom we make a lot of bad debts. It do so put the gentiy out to be asked for money." Behold English retail business in a nutshell. Trades-peoplc are so much under the influence of caste that they feel honored by giving Lord Tom Noddy credit, with the possibility of never real izing a penny, and wreak their living on those who are too honest to order what they cannot pay for. Cash patrons aro poor, miserable "white trash," as the American slaves used to cidl these Cau casians who were sufficiently degraded to work. They may leave at any time for the north pole or the equator, and no one be the loser; but Lord Tom Noddy is an established institution, dating from the time of William the conqueror. His creditors have an abiding interest in his welfare. His movements are carefully watched; his health concerns many families. If he be ordered to the north pole there is wailing and gnashing of teeth. Pray, how dors he^ pacify his creditors? By ordering a superb outfit —rolling up more promises to pay! "Pay my tailor'" exclaimed a Young swell the other day. "Why, do you know how I've paid him this year? By ordering more clothes, lie was as much pleased a» though I'd handed him Bank of England notes." British tradesmen have themselves to thank for then rotten condition—never worse than now—and for tho consequent establishment of co-operative stores. I rarely go to the "stores" that 1 do not lose my temper, and ache from head to foot from standing Mid waiting until the perfectly indifferent voung men get ready to servo mo. They can't help linking me wait, because they are over worked and cannot multiply their hands and feet. First, I must write an order; then I must wait until the cashier can set down "the dem total," which Mantalina so feelingly abhorred. Then I pay this "dem total," after which I am permitted to go in search of a superintendent, who gives the order to whomsoever is least engaged. This may mean six orders deep in advance. "Will I take the parcel with me?" "Yes." "Have I other orders to give? It will be quite half an hour before the parcel is ready." So I wander upstairs and downstairs, seeking what I may devour in order to kill time —and almost myself. I finally appear, Jaden with small packages, and after waiting more than twenty minutes longer, obtain my spoils. A gong is sounded, and in the course of five min utes a porter arrives. "Do I want a cabf' "Yes," Shouldering my purchase, the porter sallies fourth, hails a four-wheeler, literally bundles me into it, and I go off to unbundle on reaching home. ACCORDING TO PALMISTRY There Are at Leut Seven Distinct Types of Honda. [Detroit Free Press.] There are seven distinct types of hands according to the science of palm istry. They are as follows: First the elementary hand. The char acteristic features of this hand are thick, stiff fingers, short thumbs, turned back, large, broad, thick plam, very hard. These are the bauds of laborers, farmers aud fighting soldiers—men who work laboriously, without thought or orig inality. Are easily discouraged by ad vers circumstances which cannot bo overcome by brute force. The spatulate hand has a big thumb, and comes next on the list. Ibis is a good hand to have. The possessor is an actualist and not an idealist, and sur rounds himself with nsefnl comforts. The artistic hand, the third on the list, is a flexible band, with small thumb and medium palm, indicating love of beauty. It has three distinct types, but in each love of some kind predominates. In the highest it is a love of art. The useful hand is of medium size, with well jointed fingers, palm hollowed and firm; people who have this hand are good organizers end disciplinarians. The philosophic hand is a medium sized, pliable hand. Its motto is "Mod eration in all things and truth in alL" The psychic hand is the rarest and most beautiful type of all. It is small, the fingers without knots, the third phalangr long and pointed, the thumb small and well shaped. If tho hand is large, and the joints well developed, it has more force, hut not so much origi nality. Such subjects are guided by the ideal, tho sublime and the spiritual. The mixed hand has parts of all the typas. It is usual to find that the owner of such a hand is "Jack of all trades and master of none." It is both a perplex ing and amusing hand to read, as it lines apparently contradict each other. The characteristics of all these types ap 1 )!y to women as well as to men, but are ess pronounced, as man Creates, woman develops. The female band may be di vided into two classes, those with largo thumbs and those with small thumbs. English women usually have the exterior phalange delicately squared, consequent on their willingness to adopt household cares. The luxurious women of the east, devoted unto death, have slim liand.3 with small thumbs. The woman with square fingers and small thumbs will have a neat, orderly house. A woman with spatulate fingers and small thumbs will love horses and dogs. Conic fingers and a small thumb indi cate a fondness for being loved. One docs not need to bo a gypsy queen in order to read the lines of the hand with such instructions as these and predict fortunes for the owner. Bamboo Farms. The Edison Electric Light company has three farms in northern Japan com prising 300 acres, devoted to raising tho bamboo, which, splintered and carbon ized, arc used in the incandescent lamps. A Solemn Warning, [Philadelphia Call.) A California dog who was in tho habit of zatching crackers in his mouth recently »wallowed a twenty dollar gold piece and won afterward died. Moral.—Keep your wick dogs out of editorial room* Klfles Turned Out. [Chicago Herald.] The Springfield armory shops will turn out more rifiej this year than ever lxsfore since the war, the averaging being 14 ) :i day. Last year's produce war 35,000 an i the pro duct of the year before was 32.000. Ti.« amount of works depends on the amount of tho appropriation, which is about $433,0'X) a year. Tile Era of "Syndicates." [Pittsburg Chronicle.] "Ma, thero's a syndicate of La 1 boys punch fig brother Johnnie's head at the corner!" "The little vLilians! Mary Catherine, tell the syndicate of policemen at the beer saloon fominst the letther box, an' I'll get a syndi cate of the neighbors aud go to his rescue immeejetly. Where's Johnnie's own syndi cate that they ain't on hand to help him*" "They're gone with a base-ball syndicate to the corner-lot, an' there's a syndicate of fish-peddlers fighting them there now, an' their hands is full. You'll have to get a syn dicate of neighbors to help." A Delicate Question. [Drake's Magazine.] One afternoon as the Hon. W. C. Raines, a lawyer well known is western New York, was traveling over the Central, he was ap proached by the conductor who was one of his innumerable friends, and who announced that he wanted his advice on a rather deli cate matter. "Weil, what is it?" said the lawyer. "Well, Mr. Raines, the fact is, there's a big, two-fisted fellow forward in the smoker that won't pay his faro." "Well?" 7 "Well, what I want to ask you is: Had I better let him ride free, or take a licking?" He Had to Believe It. [Detroit Post.] "A Kaintucky man told me a curious snake story wunst," remarked a hoosier from Southern Indiana, "it happened to bissclf. he sed. He wuz out arter a ground-hog for dinner one day when suddenly he see a snake lift its bead above the high grars an' hiss. He got within a few foot of the reptile an' wuz just on the point of pullin' the trigger, when the snake made a clear jump an' went plump down the muzzle of his gun. So how to get it out he didu't know. Hit finally oc curred to him to shoot it out, which he did ; an', stranger, he swore to me by all that is holy that he driv the head of that snake right down through the whole length of its body, end jest turned it inside out." "You didn't believe such an all-round story as that, did you?" "Stranger, I believed every word of it. I had to. When a Kaintucky man who i » sweatin' big drops of whisky tells a story 'bout snakes that nctooly cum within his own experience, an' swars to it, mind ye, no citi zen of Southern Indianv who has à family to support ever is foolish enough as to go an : allow as what it ain't so." THE HARLEM TRAMP. Eo Entertains the Barkeeper with Sole« Original Sayings. [Exchange.] "That's what I like to see—a goad Gre; it looks like blooming hospitality. But it would greatly add to my present hospitality if I had a littlo of the stuff that breaks up homes." "I suppose," remarked tho barkeeper, "that I must treat, but what a fool a man is to put that in his mouth that steals away his brains. " "Oh, let up on that stuff," growled the tramp. "You never could put anything in your mouth to steal away your brains. Just shut off the morality lecture and produce the old stuff. It makes me tired to hear a lot of moral sayings: 'A man is known by the com pany ho keeps,' 'a soft answer turneth away wrath,' and hundreds of other chestnuts. Why don't they get some r.evv sayings?" "Where can they get 'em?" asked the bar keeper. " Why, let 'em go to a philosopher and have Vm written; what's the matter with that? While on the road I wrote a lot my self. Talk about proverbs and old sayings, you ought to Lear mine." "Let's trar 'em," sai l the barkeeper. "For nothing?" said the trump indignantly. "Not much. Just proceed to wet the interior of the philosopher with another dose of in sanity." "The a things I have written," said the tramp, "may not be-put in choice language. They are the spontaneous outpouring of a heart that bleeds for humanity. Every one of them is a gem, and deserves a place in history. I make no claim-; of being educated, but there are no flies on me when it comes to sifting human nature down to the core. If tho audience is ready tho philosopher will gush. "Now, gentlemen, listen. Here are the proverbs and sayings I have invented, and any infringement will be prosecuted accord ing to law." "A 5- cent shave is better than a dirty face." "Never judge a man by the clothes that he wears. He may have borrowed them. "A firm that pays its office boy S3 a week deserves to have it» postage stamps stolen. "It is better to be honest rjmn be poor. "Good clothes make a better impression on society than a good name. "A poor man's evil deeds are a crime; a rich man's a mistake. "A 5-cont meal, with contentment, is bet ter than a Delmonico layout with a heavy creditor. "An honost politician is the noblest work of the Creator. "A man who can be honest on an empty stomach can be trusted with your pocket book. "A dog never gets drank, and consequently he is man's best .riend. "One half the world don't know how the other half lives, and it don t care. "Death must be happiness. Mo»t of living face) are sad, bat nothing grins like a dead man's sfculL "Liar3 have their usefulness—they make the truth appear more beautiful by contrast "Shabby men bavo one consolation—pick pockets are well dressed. "There," shoutod the tramp, as be brought his fist down on the bar with a bang, "there yon have a lot of sayings that aro true, and can warm the hide off the old saws in one round. Now that I have enlightened your minds what is my reward I" CAMPAIGN RELICS. WHAT BECOMES OF THE PARADE PARAPHERNALIA? Thousands of Uniform«, Torches, IW w jMl Flags and Banner« Falling Into tho Hands of the Small Boy and the Junkman. [New York Re*.] All the pomp and circumstance ot the g.brious political war aro over, and the Im posing pageants are things of the past. The martial music, the brilliant flambeaux, the gayly caprisoned horsemen and .the hand somely equipped civic infantry will be seen no more until next election. To many per sons who have witnessed tho imposing polit ical demonstrations of the past few weeks it will prove interesting to know a few facts in connection with the work necessary to lit out the hosts of Loth parties with campaign goods. The manufacture and sale of these outfits give employment to a large number of men, and require the investment of consider able capital. Ephemeral utility of the ar ticles used in processions nécessita to* that the materials out of which they are manufactured be not too ex pensive, and, like the spangles on the gove rnor garments of the danseuse, they are in tended to be more ornamental than ussfnL A Broadway firm, which make a specialty of manufacturing campaign goods, gave some interesting facts to a reporter in rela tion to the extent of the business carried oa in this lino. It is estimated that nearly 83. 003.000 was invested in political goods throughout the country this year, soma firms carrying as high as $100,000 worth of stock. Tho campaign goods business was greatly di vided this year, many bat manufacturers going largely into the making of helmets and a number of fancy goods houses supplying the market w ith shir A Another class of men who are pecuniarily Len.-fited by political contents are the manu facturers of bannors and transparencies. A Duane street firm provided 810,000 worth of business during the recent campaign, and could have made half as much again If they d< sired to turn out inferior work. Probably 8100,003 bas beeu spent in New York city and Brooklyn alone for signs, banners and tran* parencies. To a person of an inquiring torn of mind, the following question most fre quently suggest itself: "W bat becomes of all this paraphernalia after election?" In the first place there are the torche*. After hav ing been utilized in parades the torch ba comes tho property of the multitudinous gamin, who organizes a demonstration of hie own on a small scale. With the aid of dis carded campaign attire, he marches with comrades of his own through a number of the city streets until his patriotic career is brought to a wholesome stop by the armed intervention of the unsympathetic? patrolman in blue. The torch, after figuring in these puerile pageants, undergoes as many viciimi tudes as the average mortal, and occasion ally winds up as the solitary illuminator of some Italian's chestnut stand. There is a horrible fascination about a uni form to young men, whether it be the gaudy trappings of the militia or the tawdry finery of a campaign outfit, which under the chart tablo radiance of the electric light, assume« an almost princely splendor. The fair sex It cot indifferent to the attractive appearance M a corps of robust young fellows, all similarly attired, and this, perhaps, is why the average young man robes himself in a suit which, in his lucid intervals, ho would shun as he would the yellow fever. The garments ulti mutely became the booty of the small boy, who dons them with a serene satisfaction that belongs only to boyhood, and goes forth conquering and to be conquered. On the tad; side pf town in the thickly populated districts, the immense number of young hoodlums aud the frequency of their pa rades within the past ten days appalled the somnolent peeler and woke him up. Hie raids oa the enthusiastic urchins carried da may into their ranks, and they generally re tired in confusion, leaving munitions of war, in tho shape of torche-*, flags, eta, ia the possession of their natural enemy, the po lice man. But New York is not tho only town wherein great political processions are held. All over the lecght and breadth of the land the irre pressible aider of political enthusiasts find* vent in parades and fireworks, bonfire* «aid* stump speeches. The transient nature of po litical paraphernalia obtains all over the country, and after being used once is gener ally lost sight of forever. The ordinary American citizen is gifted with a sound stratum of common sense, and be can nearly always see through tho transparent device! of professional politicians when they try to stimulate a factitious enthusiasm for certain candidate;. After the heat of the battle mod men return to the ordinary affaire of life keep an eyo well pieeied for the main chance, and* in such individuals the trappings of a campaign can awaken uo memoria* of ex ultation, and the torches and clothes are in continently flung away. The ubiquitiou* junk dealer derives probably as much bene fit as any body from the discarded uniforms, because rags have a market value always, and he usually falls in for tho great propor tion of the clothing. Owing to the business of campaign good« being divided up) among so many manufac turers, there was less p rofit this year t han in any preceding prosi lential year. Four year* ago there was more money spent for political outfits than in the season just passed. One firm had 63.G0J torches left on it* hands, which had been made with the expectation of selling them to a local political leader. A Live-Preserver. [Merchant Traveler.] Mr. and Mrs. Lovgin went to Louisville recently by boat, and in the morning, when Mrs. L. arore, she looked suspiciously at l«ar husband aud said : "Were you up during the night?" "Yes, dear," he responded gently. "What was the matter?" "Why, my dear, I woke up in the night a little nervous, and I got up to see if the life preserver was in good condition in case ot accident." "Did you find it?" , "Yes, my dear." "So I thould say," she replied, with s disa greeable rasp in her voice, "and you left the cork on the shelf. Possibly, my darling, you had better put it back in the life-purer v*r, so it will be all right for the next passengers who may occupy this state-room." Mr. Lovgin took the cork and didn't con tinue the conversation. Did Not Work. [Philadelphia COIL] Mrs. A. —Well, I tried your plan for making the kitchen girl contented, but it is • perfect failure. Mrs. B.—A failure! My plan of giving presents a failure? Oh, there must be some mistake. "Indeed there is not I gave her a beau tiful pre-ent costing nearly f 10, and she did not like it a bit In fact, she got mad and is» going to leave." "Dear me! That's strange. What did yon give her?" "An elegant gilt andebony alarm dock." He Appreciated Poetry, [New York Sun.] "Is there anybody around this establish- ' ment who loves poetry f* he said as ho opened the door an ' glared around the edl- ' tcrial-rc-om wi Ji a doubtful look. "Certainly there is," said the editor; "have ' you got some?" "Yes, four poems, all of 'em on spring." "Good! That'.; just what we want John, jprinklo a little sauce on these and take 'em ' downstair«." "Wta: for?" demanded the poet "For tb) goat He is the only one about' the estât, ishmout who loves pcatry. But ha won't eat spring poetry without mint saucs."